It was her conference, too.

Did you see her? She was right there. Standing in the doorway to the entrance of the ballroom, lunch plate in hand, trying to find a place to sit. Everywhere she looked were tables, full of people engaging with one another. But no actual room for her. She paused at the entrance, then turned around. I still don't know where she ate lunch.

Or maybe she gained entry to one of the parties, and stood next to the wall, hoping someone would come and talk to her; help her to bloom. Did you ask her her name? Did you leave her standing in the lobby alone when you went off for the after party activities? DId you notice?

While we were busy running to our next session/lunch date/invite-only party what was she doing? Did you wonder if maybe she gave up and went to her room early? Who did she eat dinner with? Every year, I have an amazing time at Blogher seeing my friends and partying it up. I would be willing to bet that you do, too. But every year, someone comes home and writes THAT post. You know the one. Blogher sucks, people are unfriendly and I am gonna just go eat worms. And while we are not completely responsible for her choices, could we be more open to new people?

This was my third Blogher. I am kind of old-hat at this point. I am also old enough that I don't give a flying loon what people think of me, I am going to have fun. I recognize that I have a responsibility to get my ass out there, not hide in fear. So I don't. But what about those who cannot make themselves "just do it?" I may show no fear now, but there was a time, back in high school, where I didn't fit in. I was too "cerebral." (I know, right?) and wasn't part of the in crowd. That is, back when I thought all of that mattered. I still remember the hollow feeling in my stomach that came from knowing I just didn't belong. I don't wish that feeling upon anyone.

When I saw her, I did try to introduce myself. I invited her along with us. Sometimes. But I admit, often it was too much trouble, or I wanted to "hang" with my friends, and didn't feel like making that extra effort. Going back over the weekend, her eyes are haunting me. Full of naked yearning and wanting nothing more than to belong. And I was in a hurry, so I pretended I didn't see her.

But not next year. Honestly, I loved seeing my friends, and I had a great time with them all. But maybe there is more to this Blogher thing, you know? Maybe it's about women empowering other women, even when all that is needed is a place to belong. So, next year, I am going to make more of an effort for new people. Instead of seeing them as invading my territory, I am going to do more than just widen the circle when she comes up to talk.

How about you?

posted from my iPad

Apparently, New York makes me sick

Sitting here in the lobby of the Sheraton, doing what bloggers do, you know. Which is? Find the nearest: 1) outlet for charging, iPad, phone, camera. 2) take advantage of free wifi in the lobby It's what we do. It's how we roll.

Speaking of rolling, I spent all day traveling from the OC to San Francisco (to pick up Califmom) and then from San Francisco, our non-stop flight stopped in Las Vegas. Awesome. And we had to actually deplane for 20 minutes before we could get back on again. Even. More. Awesome. By the time we got to New York, an entire day of traveling with only coffee, a horrible cheese plate and an even more horrible half a sandwich took it's toll. I was sick. DId I mention was up at 5:15 a.m. and went to bed at 2 a.m. Smart is NOT my middle name. Apparently.

So we catch a cab, after walking through a hot, humid airport that literally smelled like ass. And vomit. Can't forget that. Which is not conducive to keeping your lunch down if you happen to be ready to lose it, like I was. I bought some crackers and ginger ale and thought I was going to be ok.

Instead, my intro into a New York cab was throwing up in the back of it. SO. Not.Fair to have the hangover before I start drinking? And the weird thing, before that happened, my hands literally went numb. Long story short, turned out I had a migraine. After throwing up again in the hotel room, Leah gave me a magical unicorn pill (Imitrex, for migraines) and it made it all go away. So much so that when friends came a-callin I was able to jump up and party until dawn.

Night one, check.

T, who can't say so far that I love New York, but I love my friends. posted from my iPad

Maybe if I pack a lot of Xanax

This time tomorrow I will, with all good luck, be in NYC, hopefully in my hotel. Asleep. I have to be up at the ass-crack of dawn, but thankfully, Starbucks is open then. I was worried for a bit, JNerd said they were closed that early, but it turns out they understand that vampires like their coffee before the sun rises.

I will continue to blog, never fear. Wish me luck, and let's hope I am not like this guy:

I am not hugely afraid of flying, but it isn't my favorite thing to do. So I hope it goes well. I am already frustrated over paying for my ticket and THEN paying another $25 for my baggage. It's ridiculous. I could see if I was only flying a short distance, but coast to coast? They have to expect people to bring luggage! I am tired of the skinflinty cost-cutting that airlines do.

Still, it remains the best way to travel, so we all put up with the crap. Right? I am a bit worried about my puppy. She is forlorn. Following me all over the house, I know she must know something is up. Sad that I know the kids will be ok, yet am worried about the dog. What does that say about me?

T, who needs to be in bed!

Put on a vest with an S on your chest, oh yes (Blogher is comin')

Every year around this time there is a cacophony of protest raised on twitter and elsewhere and it needs to stop. Some pretty fabulous women, women who otherwise are self-assured and together, freak the hell out at the mere thought of meeting other women, who feel the same way. Why?

Blogher is our conference. Women bloggers. (and some men) come together for an annual roustabout celebrating that thing that the outside world pooh-poohs, writing a blog. And we are all in the same boat. It is what unites us. With varying degrees of transparency, we proverbially barf all over the Internet's shoes, and hope that the resulting mess is something that will be accepted. Some write about nipple rings, some about death, some about children, some about business. The point is, we write.

So it kills me to watch every year as women who are amazing and talented downplay their skill because they aren't, in their mind, A List bloggers. Honestly? Who is? Because if you talk to those so-called "A List" bloggers, they don't think they have "made it" either. So who defines success as a blogger? How many are actually making a career out of their blog? Dreadfully low numbers, I can assure you. And for all the sleep you lose thinking that the A List bloggers aren't going to like you? I guarantee that someone thinks YOU are A-List and wants to meet you.

YOU make a difference. You might not realize it, but you really do. Every time you hit "publish" on your blog, people are moved. And what makes you special is that you write. So what if you aren't the biggest blog, with the best stats. Screw the stats. Seriously. Write because you like it. No, write because you love it. Don't get caught up in the "Business" of blogging. Forget your "brand" and the swag. Just write.

And next week, when we all get together, hold your head up high, rock those shoes like the mutha that you are. You are a writer, dammit. It's enough. And you are worth knowing. Do not be intimidated, get in there and meet people.

You are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. See you in New York City, Superwoman.

- Posted from my iPad

Just when I think my life is a circus, I attend one

What do you do when the kids are fighting and the dog won't listen to you and you can't find your favorite shoe and you are running late? If you are crAZY, like me? Why, you attend the circus, of course. Nothing like a dog and pony show to make you realize how easy your life is, yeah?

So,Wednesday night, we piled into the car, and on the way stopped for what we hoped would be a quick bite at McDonalds (yeah, I know, but we were out of time). It took 15 minutes and the fries still weren't ready. In exasperation, I got my money back. I was really nice about it, and didn't mention that I was a blogger. The same could not be said for the woman next to me. She announced, rather grandly, for all to hear that she was a blogger and that everyone reads her, and she got FREE tickets to the circus, and they were premium seats... really? How come I have never heard of you? Why aren't you part of Blog Crush? Why haven't I seen you at events? On twitter? Orange County bloggers are tight...so you couldn't be that "famous." Really? This is how you want bloggers to be represented? Because you are giving them a bad name. Act thankful, for cheese and crackers! You aren't owed these perks because you are a blogger. You are given a privilege. And don't forget it. I never do. It could end tomorrow. And guess what? I would still be writing. Because? I am not in it for the free crap. I write because I love it. Can "review blogs" say the same?

After what amounted to dinner (the kids ate the burgers without fries.I inhaled half of my pukeburger in the car on the way there), we hightailed it to the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus at Honda Center. We got there just in time for the pre-show, and posed for a picture. (Did I mention that my JBean is afraid of clowns? And look what she did.

This year's show, Funundrum, took its cue from other big-ticket productions like The Lion King and Cirque Du Soleil. With music, special effects and the standard circus-y acts, the show was updated for the fickle audience our children have become. Video games, cable tv and big-budget blockbusters have conspired to erode family events like the circus. But you wouldn't know it. Opening night, the place was packed.

My kids really enjoyed it, and that's what it's all about. This isn't your father's circus, anymore. While I found some of the show forced, the kids oohed and aahed over the elephants, the Ringmaster, the trapeze. And seeing their faces made it worth the time for me.

You can go, too!

Take the whole family to Barnum’s FUNundrum…MOM Discount extended to include weekend performances!

Family 4-Pack of tickets $48
Regular ticket prices - $15, $20, $25
To redeem, use code MOM by phone at 1-800-745-3000 or online at Ticketmaster.com to redeem your savings!

fine print:

(Savings do not apply to Circus Celebrity, Front Row and VIP seats. No double discounts. Service charges and handling fees may apply.)

Have fun!

T, who thought my life was a dog & pony show I didn't get paid to write this. I was given tickets to the circus, though. - Posted from my iPad

Countdown to Blogher

T minus 7 days.

And my To Do List keeps multiplying:

• must pick up my braces (I left at the office earlier this week)
• pick up spare glasses (that were back-ordered and just came in)
• clean out closet to make sure I have everything I wanted, and wash anything forgotten.
• take dress to dry cleaner (what the heck IS martinizing anyway??)
• get my hair did
• pedicure
• print itinerary
• spreadsheet of schedule
• print tickets to parties
• PACK
• work out maps, where I am going, what I am doing...

Things I have ALREADY done

• replaced my skin care stuff




• ordered business cards
• shopped. (oh LORD have I shopped! New shoes! New dresses!)

I am getting nervous, but excited!

What would you see if you were me?

Tina, who has never been to the Big Apple - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Lazy Sunday isn't just a sketch on SNL

I am sitting here on my bed doing...nothing. Well, technically, I suppose I am writing this blog post. But beyond that? Sitting here, refreshing twitter, looking at links and basically being a bum. With some expensive equipment, of course. A girl has got to have her standards.

We skipped church today, and that was wonderful.The day started off slightly overcast and a bit cool, so I took the dog to the dog park and she had a romp. Because it has been so hot lately, she hasn't been getting her regular walkies. I keep her inside with the air conditioner, which is her friend. But today, she was able to gallivant all around the park, enjoying the play that only comes when there are other dogs around who want to play. And for those Christians who think that God only hangs around buildings that are dedicated to him? Spend some time at a dog park. I am pretty sure that is where God rests. I love it there so much.

Afterwards, we came home and she ate lunch and took a nap. (Sounds like preschool). And I have been sitting here since then. Yes, I fed the children lunch, but have done little else. And I really don't know why. I am sort of bored. But not bored enough to actually do anything about it. That sounds sad, doesn't it?

In fact, I have so little motivation to get up off my butt that I am beginning to wonder if I am depressed. Can you be depressed and happy, sometimes? Because I feel happy for the most part. I think. I have been depressed before. I don't ever want to go back there again. I was in such a dark hole at age 25 that I didn't think I would ever find my way back out again. Life was bleak.

It's not anymore. Most of the time, life is wondrous. But not today. Today, I don't want to go anywhere. JNerd mentioned Disneyland. My reply? Meh. The kids want to go to the bookstore. Meh. How about a movie? Meh. I just want to sit here, and maybe take a nap.

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis. Did I mention how old I feel? Or how things are "going south" and not just for the winter? How I feel young but look in the mirror and see that I am definitely not as young as I used to be?

Or it could be it's just summer. And too hot to do much of anything. I won't worry... yet.

- Posted from my iPad

The Obligatory BlogHer 101 post

I am thinking of what I am always thinking of this time of year, BlogHer. (in between thinking of my jet-setting daughter, of course. But, truly I feel at peace. She is in good hands.) In any case, in just a couple of weeks I will be boarding a SF-bound plane to meet up with my girl, califmom and we will fly to New York freakin' City.

I have had trouble finding new shoes that wow, and you know I am alll about that. (Shallow? not hardly, I just like shoes). I will keep looking. It isn't about impressing others, it's about trying to quell my social anxiety by looking my best...for me.

With that said, I have a few ideas about how to make your BlogHer experience the best it can be.. and I have been to three of these things now, so I think I am qualified to give advice. You don't want it, no hard feelings, but maybe it can prove helpful for some.

1. Pack light. I know you are tempted to bring every cute outfit that you own, but trust me, you don't want to overdo it. Make sure to bring a sweater for chilly conference rooms. Pack easy care clothing that will look good after riding in your suitcase all day. Avoid fussy ensembles that require ironing. I once saw a video of a guy ironing a grilled cheese sandwich in a hotel. I no longer use hotel-provided irons.

2. Pace Yourself There is a lot to do at BlogHer, and you don't want to (and can't) do it all. Don't be afraid to leave parties, or forgo them completely. Remain flexible, sometimes the best experiences happen at the spur of the moment. Don't be afraid to leave a session that doesn't click for you. You paid for it, it's your conference.

3. Go With an Open Mind Remember, all the people there have one thing in common: they blog. But just because you read their blog, don't assume you know who they are. Some big name bloggers are very approachable, some are less so. Don't take it personally. Everyone wants to play with the big dogs, but you might find your "tribe" elsewhere. Just be open, because some of the best encounters are the ones you didn't expect. You might find your bury-the-body friend at BlogHer. Some make connections that are forever. But to do so, you have to get up and get involved. Do NOT sit in your room and feel sorry for yourself.

Remember, you get out of BlogHer what you put into it. There are many people there who cannot wait to meet you! Don't be afraid to talk to people. Most are really very welcoming. In fact, come find me and we'll have a drink. Hope to see you there!

posted using BlogPress from my iPad

It has to happen sometime

am sitting here in the donut tent at church, waiting. Waiting for when it will feel ok that she is leaving. I know, kids have to grow up sometime, but I am having second thoughts. Don't get me wrong, she is fairly mature, and I think she is as ready as she will ever be. But I am another story.

By the time you read this, my daughter will be on a bus bound for LAX, where she will catch a plane 9,662 miles to Kenya, Africa. Along with 80 other people, teens and adults, she will be a part of a missions team over there for two weeks. She is excited, and a bit nervous. I am less of a basket case than I thought I would be.

Many of my friends think I am crazy to send my daughter to the slums in Africa. Maybe I am. But we raise them the best we can and when they ask to do something of this magnitude, we have to let the fledglings out of the nest, so they can spread their wings.

Honestly,I am thrilled. She has battled anxiety, both social and general, and earlier this year things were a bit rough. Depression and spiritual crisis threatened to derail her life. She pulled through, and with some patience and understanding, we got it sorted.

And six months of preparation have come down to this. My baby, my first born, my 16 year old is going halfway across the globe, and I am not. And that? Is how it should be.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Why you need large balls of fur in your house

Pets are weird. Not as weird as kids, but weird enough. I know so many people who don't want to bother with animals, because they are a pain in the butt. And yes, they are. But honestly? They bring such joy to our lives. No one loves you like your dog. Ever. And cats? Are like little codependent vampires who sort of love you. When they want to.

The beautiful thing about pets? They seem to understand instinctively about kids with autism. We have a cat who is a bit standoffish with everyone else. Except for my son. I would say she is mostly his cat. She sleeps in his bed, and helps him to calm down. She tolerates him better than she does anyone else.

And this weekend, I found out just how wonderful our Newf is. I have plans to make her a therapy dog at some point. She proved she just might be up to that task. JBean was throwing a tantrum (yes, again) and sitting on the floor. The dog was lying across the room. She army crawled to her until her nose was just inches from JBean's feet. Then she just waited quietly for JBean to come to her. And they laid on the floor together, kid and dog, just...being. Yes, she calmed down. It was good.

Like this:

how about you? Are you a cat person, a dog person or do you prefer no fur balls at all?

T, who figures the fleabags are worth most of the trouble they cause

How To Transition a Child To a Gluten-Free Casein-Free Diet For Autism Treatment

There is a theory in autism treatment that along with a sensory diet, kids with autism may benefit from eliminating gluten and dairy proteins (called casein and whey) from their diets. Gluten is found in grains and nearly all mass-marketed breads, cereals and baked goods. Casein is found in all milk products. Many kids with autism do not process dairy or gluten correctly, and over time, it can hurt their gut. Some refer to this as "silent celiac's disease." The scientific veracity of the diet won't be debated here. My son has been on the diet for over five years and we have seen improvement. Many families have seen success with the diet, but as with all things, your mileage may vary. If you think it might work for you or your child, here are some helpful hints to make the transition to a GFCF diet as painless as possible for all concerned.

* Don't throw away all the food in the house and buy GFCF…yet. Use what you have, but when you buy again, buy GFCF. You can check sites like TACA for acceptable foods and Hidden Ingredients for unacceptable ingredients. Familiarize yourself with the names of ingredients. Print out the list and keep it with you when you shop. Gluten and casein are in many foods you would never expect. Be a label reader!

* Keep a list of what you have tried so if you don't like it, you don't accidentally buy it again. There are some great products out there and some not so great. (you can email me if you would like...I would be happy to provide you with a list of foods from experience).

* Don't change brands of foods that are already "approved" foods. For instance, if the child likes waffles, buy GFCF, but don't change the brand of bacon you serve. Or keep the eggs the same style. Consistency is key. If you change bread, try toasting it and using the same peanut butter, if it is acceptable. Don't change the jelly.

* Find substitutes for tried and true foods. Finding gluten free foods is a lot easier than it used to be. Almost everything can be subbed out. The exception to this, sadly, is cheese. Many of the cheeses that say they are dairy free still have casein. Read your labels!

* When possible, involve the child in food choices. Teach him to read the labels and to understand what happens when he eats foods that his body doesn't tolerate well. Let him pick out some foods he would like to try, and involve him in their preparation. Kids are more willing to eat food they have helped prepare.

* Don't give in. Once you make a decision to try the diet, stick with it. It can take over six months for all traces of casein and gluten to leave the body. Give it a proper trial. The child might protest a bit, but keep at it.

* Make sure to provide a vitamin supplement so that the child is getting proper nutrition. Of course, the best vitamins are from the source food, but if the child won't eat it, vitamins are better than nothing. This is a good suggestion for all kids.

* Consider probiotics, which add good bacteria to the intestinal flora to balance the digestive system. But watch out that they don't contain hidden dairy!

* Limit processed sugars, and cut out artificial colors, flavors, HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) and preservatives from the child's diet when at all possible. These ingredients can cause problems for sensitive kids.

Some local sources of gluten free products follow, but be sure to check the ingredients list because gluten free is not necessarily casein free as well.

Whole Foods- Tustin (there is even a Special Diets page where you can download product lists)

Sprouts - list of locations in Orange County with map

Henry's - list of locations in Orange County with map

Trader Joe's - list of locations with map

Mother's Markets - list of locations in Orange County with map

Don't be too hard on yourself if it isn't perfect... you are learning and so is the child. The goal here is to transition to the diet, not be a Nutritional Hardnose. If you are stressed, the child will figure it out, and he will become stressed as well. With a bit of practice, you will be an excellent label reader and have a collection of foods that work for your child and maybe for you, as well.

Vlog Friday: Building a Bridge To Nowhere

In which we find out exactly how parenting a teenager is like driving over the side of a bridge.

Go easy on me...I am brand new to this thang.

Sweet Bits Vlog : Building a Bridge from sendchocolate on Vimeo.

.

How about you? What do liken parenting to in your own experience?

T, who isn't gonna do it anymore

A real circus as opposed to my life

It was the poodles. Small, furry piles of whirling dervish. They jumped through hoops and pranced around in their floofy white and grey coats all pretty as you please. They were eager to perform. And we were eager to watch. With a flourish, the trainer raised her arms, and the dogs came flying over her head. The audience gasped, then clapped. It was to be expected. We were at the circus.

And this year, we get to go again, as Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey come to Orange County in July. And, in preparation, there is a contest.

Nominations are currently being accepted for “The Barnum Award,” a Southland search to honor three stand-out kids who are making a difference in our community.You can nominate a child between the ages of 8-14 who is demonstrating the entrepreneurial and philanthropic spirit of P.T. Barnum. Nominating is easy, by answering a few brief questions on the online application at The Barnum Award. First, second and third place winners will receive cash prizes to continue their service. The award ceremony will be on opening night at the Honda Center, July 28th.

And..as if that wasn't enough, you can get discount tickets! MOM Ticket Discount – The multi-ticket discount returns this summer, with a special $48 Family Four-Pack Offer on select performances or $4 off single ticket prices on select shows. The discount can be redeemed online at www.ticketmaster.com or by calling (800) 745-3000 . To redeem, use the discount code “MOM”.

T, who says send in the clowns

I did not get paid to write this, but I do get tickets to see the awesome poodles.

Lullabye and good night, already..before I lock you in a closet*

I used to have alone time. It was wonderful. Nine o' clock rolled around and my kids were in bed. Oops, sorry! You have five minutes until bedtime. No I can't help it, that's the rule. As though it wasn't within my control. And they bought it. Never questioned it, it was a House Rule, and they would obediently trot off to bed. I was blessed. Until this year.

My oldest daughter, at 16, thinks she can stay up as late as she wants. There are times I go to bed in exasperation, telling her to lock up when she's done. Mostly, she stays out of our way, so out of sight is out of mind. Mostly. Now my son, He Who Used to Sleep by 9, is up past 10 as well. Puberty may be striking, and it is playing havoc with his sleep schedule. He used to be up with the sun, now he actually sleeps in a few days a week. But he is also not tired at bedtime, and too busy to follow the slumber rules. Trying to get him off of video games or to stop reading a book is damn near impossible. And when I do finally get him to go to bed (tonight was quite after 11) he gets up at least five times.

Tonight was no exception. I was being tag-teamed by the both of them.Finally, after medicine to help JBug's bug bites, a question or three, she finally left us alone enough to get through the television show we had on DVR.(Doctor Who, thank you very much). By that time, it was midnight. AND…the dog needed to go out. Pause the show, again. Then JBear showed up,with a broken fingernail, and needed a bandaid. And shortly after that, he needed Advil because his legs hurt. And a bit after that, he needed a drink. And then the bathroom. And, of course, each time, we paused the show and waited.

I don't know about you, but my Mom Sense just cannot relax as long as I have a kid who isn't tucked in for the night. Call it obsessive, call it anxiety-prone, if you'd like. I call it being on duty, 24/7. And I cannot let go. I have tried. But Mama Bear just stays at the ready. Once the little cubs are safe in their dens, I relent, breathe deeply, and have a martini. Of course, if they don't get into bed before midnight… no cocktails for me. And no cocktails makes for a very unhappy mama.

And, as the old adage goes, "If mama ain't happy, well you can just get your butt back to bed or so help me God, I won't be responsible for what happens next." Or something along those lines. I could be paraphrasing, but that's how I remember it, anyway.

*I am only kidding about that last part. Mostly.

How about you? How do you get your "alone time?"Click and tell me in comments

T, who is up way too late in order to get some time to herself

When the whole world watches, you need to be fascinating

T, who probably fails, but tries real gosh darn hard

What to do when you have a rigid kid

High-Functioning Autism can be a challenge in a lot of ways, but none so much as ridigity. The decision to support a cause or idea, beyond what would seem normal is familiar territory for parents of those with autism. Kids can be downright unreasonable. And of course, kids can be somewhat rigid. This is especially true of kids on the autism spectrum.

Some Examples of Autism Rigidity:

* interests or hobbies

* clothes they wear

* foods they eat or refuse to eat

* sensory sensitivities, such as noise, and textures

* unreasonable fears

Often when it occurs, a parent may feel blind-sided, since it feels as though it came out of nowhere. How perseveration gets started is one of Life's Great Mysteries. What causes a casual interest to become an all-encompassing quest? Why does a compliant child suddenly plant her feet and refuse to budge? Is it an internal dialogue? Is it media influence? Is it the cereal she had for breakfast? Whatever it is, parents are hard-pressed to stop the train once it starts. Sometimes, the rigidity comes from changes in the child's perceived schedule. This s very common in a child who otherwise isn't particular about their environment. A family member travelling; plans that change; a situation outside the realm of the child's "script." These are all opportunities for parents to practice their coping skills. Kids with autism simply don't bend well. It's true. They lock on to whatever is important to them at the time, and they will defend that position until either, you give in, or you deescalate the situation. In the case of clothes, a child may decide to only get dressed if one particular outfit is available. You have some choices then:

* You can find the outift, figure what the heck and live to fight another day

* You can cancel plans and let her sit around in her pajamas all day

* You can try to reason with her... and grow old in the process

* You can strongarm her and force her to bend to your will

Some days, it is easier to retreat. And in the grand scheme of things, it is often the best thing to do. No one wins a power struggle. If you force a child to sit down, she's still standing up in her head. It is easier to cooperate and find a solution than it is to force anyone to do anything. There will be time for teaching...in fact it is necessary. But the middle of a conflict is not the time to try to teach. They aren't listening, anyway.

Flexibility is Key

The point here is that by being flexible, even after the fact, you can frequently manage to bring a difficult situation back under control. Often with autism, the plan you make is the one that you have to break. Or, rather, rethink. If the plan is stone-cold, rigid, it will break, and it's not pretty when it does. Be open to change. Model the behavior you want to see in the child. Show the child, who cannot, at that moment, disengage, HOW to back down, and how to find a solution that everyone can live with. Change your plan.

It may seem counter-intuitive to suggest that plans change. Kids with autism really like structure. They like to know that things are arranged the way they want (and often need) them to be. But, as the adult, it is much easier for your to be flexible than it is for them. The plans change because you get that the need is for a different plan. By tweaking the agenda, you can often avoid a greater meltdown. And isn't that what we all really want?

How about you? What have you found that works to "unlock" a stuck kid? Click here to share your wisdom!

T, who knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em

The only morning action I get is a hairy drooler

So it's 6:30 in the morning. I have just been awakened (rather rudely, I might add!) by a giant dog who just ka-thumped her paws on the bed to remind me that she has needs, too, ya know! Right now, her need is to pee. She ka-thumps back down, and waits, as patiently as a giant 5 month old puppy can while I wipe the sleep from my eyes and reach for my glasses. (and I was having such a good dream, too! Guess Johnny Depp will have to wait for another day). I trudge out to the front door, clad in my purple plaid flannel pajamas, dog in tow. And we grab the treats, (for after she "gets busy") her booda bone rope toy (in case she decides to chew on the leash) and the breath spray (in case the rope toy doesn't work) so that she can do her business.

In that short time, on our moderately busy residential side street, a few cars go by, beginning their morning commute. I am standing out in my front yard, my pajama-clad butt and flip-flops for all the world to see. But priorities are important, and mine is sleep. I don't care if people see at that time in the morning.Once she's done, we trudge back in, and being the absolute non-morning person that I am, we go back to bed. (Vampires? They learned to fear mornings from me.)

Fast forward to 8:30 a.m. or midnight… I kind of care. I care enough to want to wear jeans, but wow, how uncomfortable are they for just lounging around the house? I guess I could wear yoga pants, but the cotton gets kind of breezy, especially with our cool summer nights. Very much a first world problem, I know. Still, trying to find a solution has been frustrating. When the dog has to go, she has to go!

Enter:

pajama jeans! Completely affordable, yet look snazzy.

These amazing pants that I wear the hell out of (no really, I am wearing them RIGHT NOW) are a lightweight pull on low-rise spandex jean. They have no zippers, and no seams, and I totally know what you are thinking, because so did I: retirement early-bird diner specials, right? But they don't look like your mother's jeans…they are stylish. And they are comfortable, feeling a lot like a pair of work out pants. Except? I can run to Target or Fresh & Easy and not look like I just stepped out of the gym. No schlubbiness here! I can even throw on some heels and head to dinner! But first, no doubt I will have to walk the dog.

T, who wishes mornings came LATER

I wasn't paid to write this,no one told me I had to, but was given a great pair of these jeans, that I really DO wear the hell out of, or I wouldn't review. I promise. AND? they are totally affordable, at only $39.95. WITH a bonus t-shirt!

And you thought it was only funny in 140 characters

When I am not here, on twitter or facebook, the other place that I hide is tumblr. You may not have heard of tumblr, but it's a micro-blogging site. Think: twitter, but with no character limit. You can post pictures, video, quotes, text, whatever your little heart desires. It is a neat system. But that's not why I stay. I stay because it is home to some pretty neat and creative people. People who make things. And this is one of the things they made. It is well-executed. It is funny. It is inspired. Watch and tell me what you think.

What if twitter came to life? Reenactments of favorite tweets. PG-13 for some words and subject matter. If you want to watch the second one first, knock yourself out. The second one is a bit better, I think.

Twitter: The Criterion Collection from sween on Vimeo.

And, because once was not enough:

Twitter: The Criterion Collection, Vol II from Jen Oslislo on Vimeo.

T, who wishes I was this creative

Space: Mom's Final Frontier

I am starting a new "thing" here at Send Chocolate Now... vlogging! Yes, I, your intrepid hostie will be regaling you with my vim, vigor and viciousness silliness about once a week. Or so. If the kids cooperate. Or something.

Without further ado... Sweet Bits.

These are the voyages of the Mom. Her lifelong mission: to explore some time to herself. To seek out some peace and some quiet. To boldly do things alone.

Are you in?

Oh, and before I forget...what do you think of my new banner? I maded it all by myself. [insert praise here]

Sweet Bits vlog: Space, Mom's Final Frontier from sendchocolate on Vimeo.

T, who is new to this, so go easy on me

How to talk to a child with Asperger's without pulling your hair out...or theirs! (Part 2)

Continuation of Part 1, yesterday's post on how to talk to a kid with autism.

• 3. Be HONEST. Just tell him you can't talk about that right now. That you are busy, maybe later you can discuss it. He probably won't be hurt by it, he will appreciate your candor. But if you tell him this, know he has the memory of an elephant and long after you have forgotten? He will find you.
• 4. Play a game. I Spy, "I'm Thinking of a Word..." "When I Go To the Moon I'm Bringing..." these are all good choices. But don't be surprised if he kicks your butt. The kid has an amazing attention to detail and his memory will blow you away.
• 5. Engage in an activity you both enjoy. Go to a ball game. Do a craft. Find time for one-on-one. Just know we are working on good sportsmanship to board games and video games...win or lose, he will shake your hand and say, "Good game!" Be prepared.
• 6. If all else fails, shoot me a look. I will rescue you both. Under no circumstances be unkind to him...he will remember it. as will I

Remember that he is a work in progress. He is really trying. If he is having a hard day, let me handle it. Please don't judge my parenting, or question my decisions. I know my son, I know what helps him calm and what triggers him to fall apart. And realize that just because yesterday he had a conversation with you about physics doesn't mean he can do it again today. He may be able to...in fact, he probably can.

But, the difficult thing with autism is that it is different everyday. I continue to teach him, and he continues to grow. And really, that growth is all we can really ask of anyone. Get to know my son...or any kid with autism. I would bet you will find a great kid with a really unique way of looking at things.

Aspergers truly makes the world go around. Silicon Valley? High population of Aspergers Syndrome. Computer engineers? Electrical engineers? Scientists? Maybe one day that will be my son, because he can hyperfocus. (his father is a software engineer, you connect the dots)

My son brings a lot of joy to my life, simply because he looks at things so much differently than I do. If I kept him at home, you would miss the chance to experience this. And really, diversity, neuro or otherwise, really does make the world go around. See you on the plane. Or in the grocery store. Maybe at the library...

So this was what we did a couple of years ago...what do you think? What works in YOUR house?

T, who learned this all the hard way