don’t faint…

I miss you all.

I’m trying to glean what’s been going on from your weblogs.

Since this endeavor was suppose to be a place for me to tell the stories that my family has heard too many times…you may see a couple pop up in the next few days.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

shoveling

Hey there, my dear friends.

Sorry to have been ignoring you all. 
I am bouncing between being busy and being lazy. 

If you’ve been around for a while you know that this little weblog was originally intended to be a kinda virtual scrapbook and storybook for my kids.

Those who know me in real life, also know that the fight against the trafficking of children, has become a very important issue for me.  It is a fight I’d like to spend some effort on at this time of my life. Bringing my better angels and all.

While I’m going to continue to keep this special place and post here from time to time, I’m starting up a second weblog. 

Yeah, I know…I can’t keep up with one…so the next logical step is to start up a second one.  (rolling my eyes)

I thought about just changing the tone of this one…but I didn’t want the crossover.  This is about my kids and my vacations and a place to open my heart and tell how I feel about some of the hits life sends me.

And I wanted the other one to be on topic. I didn’t want to have to defend my occasional use of the eph word or explain my somewhat unconventional lifestyle.  I’m not embarrassed, nor do I regret any of the posts here…I just don’t want the distraction.

If you’re so inclined…come on over to the “other” place and visit.  It’s not fixed up…I haven’t painted or anything…but you are most welcome.

 http://katinsc.blogspot.com/

 

Oscar….have some popcorn

I came across a few things in my reader this morning…

Do you know what today is?

It is National Grouch Day.

sing along with Oscar here….

Oh, I love trash!
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes….I love….trash

Then I kept reading and it turns out today is also National Latino Aids Awareness Day.  NLAAD…got a website and everything.

Now I realize there are only 365 days in a year….well most years…and about 365 million causes and celebrations….plus you gotta save Christmas and Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Days as they were intended.  And yes…those of you above our northern boarder and across the pond…you got your own special calendar.

So, I did as I am wont to do and googled it all… turns out the 15th of October is also:

National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day
National White Cane Safety Day
Get To Know Your Customers Day…and
International Credit Union Day

In addition this WEEK is:
National School Lunch Week
National Chestnut Week
Emergency Nurses Week
World Rainforest Week
…to name a few….

not to mention that October is:
National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
National Popcorn Popping Month
Sausage Month
Vegetarian Month
Wishbones for Pets Month
Raptor Month
Positive Attitude Month…and
National Sarcastic Awareness Month
(also a very partial list)

You can view one of the listings here.

I figure there is a cause for celebration or a cause to fight for…for just about everyone today.  I’m going to pop corn and sing about trash….how about you?

ya’ know… I like his movies too… but an Academy Award is not a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card.

under the heading of forewarned is forearmed…I take the subject of sexual abuse of children extremely seriously.  There are no circumstances under which it is acceptable or humorous. 

Having artistic talent does not give anyone the right to drug and rape a thirteen year old child. Polanski raped a child. There is no question he did it.  To this day, he admits it himself.

Just because French politicians, Swiss Cultural Councils, and various American actors and actresses have voted him Mr. Congeniality, does not erase the fact that Roman Polanski has violated a little girl.

Should every artist of considerable talent not be held to the same laws of the land and basic human decency?  If he had only been nominated for an award, should he only have to serve half of his sentence?

Would it be okay with you if Michael Moore used beer and a roofie to forcibly sodomize a thirteen year old daughter, sister, niece in your family?

Should every surviving family member who had relatives slaughtered by the atrocity of the Holocaust be allowed to violate a young girl and not be punished?

Having a spouse and unborn child murdered is horrific. But should that give someone a free pass to forcibly sodomize someone else’s child?

If after pleading guilty, if a child rapist uses their resources to escape arrest for thirty years, should that conviction disappear? 

Polanski gave a series of interviews in the late 1970’s. In one he claimed the reason his case had so much media appeal was,

“But… f—ing, you see, and the young girls. Judges want to f— young girls. Juries want to f— young girls. Everyone wants to f— young girls!”

So basically because Polanski thinks everyone else wants to commit sexual child abuse, he should be allowed to.

A politician who has a consensual adult love affair outside of his marriage is battered incessantly, vilified in the media…but a film director should be allowed to sexually abuse a young girl?

Professional athletes go to prison for drug use and animal abuse. But a film director should not be punished for raping a child?

He ran to France, because he was afraid his crimes were subject to “heavy sentencing.”  For thirty years he has thumbed his nose at the United States of America.

I understand he is sorry now. But that does not give his treatment of that girl to go without consequences and without legal punishment. It does not erase fleeing after conviction because he thought he’d have to go to prison.

Wordless Wednesday ~ been a long time

You two would have totally ganged up on me.

survival of the fittest

I know this seems kinda random,
and rather repetitive.
but I wonder what you think.

(note:  for the record, I am NOT talking about those who are mentally or physically challenged. I am talking about well bodied people with the standard ranges of intelligence.)

Does everyone “deserve” to have
what the hard working or specially talented have?

Is it the right of the ordinary person
to limit the extraordinary person?

No matter who you are…you who are reading this….There are people you come across or read about who are without adequate food, clothing and shelter. 

Should our government force you to give up some of what you have…leaving you and yours  with not quite enough because someone else had none?

While I believe the “haves” should share with the “have-nots” should it be required by law or should it be voluntary?  Should it be strongly encouraged…and if you don’t comply do you think you ought to be penalized?

If you have a special talent, which a company or other entity (team, studio, et cetera) wants to make use of, should you be limited on how much money they pay you because someone else doesn't have that valued talent?  

If you can’t carry a tune and want to be a recording star, should the music industry be forced to give you a record contract equal to that of U2 or Elvis or Michael Jackson or The Beatles?  Or should these performers not be allowed to be paid so much?  Should the radio stations be forced to play recordings of people who can’t sing?  Should everyone be required to buy ITunes of same?

If you have a really high intelligent quotient should you only be allowed to hold the same occupation as a person who has a much lower intelligent quotient?  Should every one (who wants to)  be allowed to be a neurosurgeon or a rocket scientist…even if they don’t have the brain ability to grasp the knowledge? 

If you work really hard, should you make more money than someone who is a lazy bum on the job?  If you work three jobs and save every cent for what you want, should you have to share it with those who choose not to hold down a job?  Should everyone be paid the same wage no matter what their occupation or work ethic?

If you have the next “light bulb” moment and invent a really cool thing, should you have to share the revenue with the guy who tried really hard but didn’t have any good ideas?  Should you have to share the revenue with the guy who spends all day everyday at the park getting high?

If you write the greatest American novel of all time, should everyone (who wants to) be able to sell your words and profit from them? 

If you work really hard, or have a special ability, or are smarter than the average bear…should you benefit financially from these situations?   Or should you not be allowed to have more than the person who wasn’t gifted in the gene pool or who won’t work as hard as you do?  Should there be a limit on how much you can earn before you have to start sharing the benefit of your labor? 

If you do get to benefit financially from your work and your abilities, should you be allowed to decide how you spend those finances?  Or should you only be allowed to spend your money on the same things as those who don’t have so much money? 

When you do end up with more money than someone else, should you be allowed to spend it on a really nice home in a very beautiful location?  Even if someone who doesn’t have as much money has to rent a shabby house in a not so nice neighborhood?  Should you have to give up your new beautiful home to buy several substandard homes for you and for strangers who live on the street?

Should you be allowed to buy more expensive clothing? Warmer clothing. Cooler clothing…in both senses of the word.  Or should everyone wear exactly the same thing?  Should those who have more clothes be required by law to give up some of their clothes to those who don’t have enough? 

Should you be allowed to buy more expensive or more nutritional food?  Better tasting food?  Or should you have to eat what everyone else is eating?  Do the people who eat junk food have to be forced to eat healthy?  Do those who eat only organic have to consume processed foods? If you have more than enough food, should you be required by law to give it to someone who does not…even if it leaves your family hungry on occasion?

There are many other items…but those are the basics right? 
Food, clothing and shelter?

I ask again…

Is it the right of the ordinary person
to limit the extraordinary person?

Does everyone "deserve" to have
what the hard working or specially talented have?

and…what about Health Care?

I stand corrected….FaceBook is my Friend

I have been a cynical, often disparaging, totally reluctant participant of FaceBook.

I have tried in my life to reserve the word “Friend” for those with whom I have a special relationship. I have not granted that title to just anyone.

And now…the word “Friend” has become a verb. 

“So-n-so” has Friend-ed you.

When I have been compelled to find someone I actually wanted to connect with…FaceBook informs me:

“So-n-so will have to confirm you are Friends” 

I hate that tone they take with me.
I just want to flip them off. 

Until this week FaceBook has mostly been a venue to keep in contact with my cousins and their children scattered through a couple dozen states.

My kids are all on FaceBook. 

Although Little Missy has been convinced by her novio to discontinue and delete the large majority of hers. 

The Cub and his friends post blurbs about beach and beer and babes I would rather not know about. 

If an investment banking player takes three dozen photos at some soiree in The City and SugarCookie gets tagged on a single photo…even though the player isn’t my “Friend” Facebook or otherwise, I have access to view the entire online album.

(yeah yeah…I know I don’t have to look…but I’m a Mom…I HAVE to look…ya know???)

Some of you all have Friend-ed me…which is cool as long as you don’t get upset when I don’t hunt eggs, send drinks or get in food fights with you.

I been Friend-ed by someone I attended High School with and do not remember or recognize.

I have been “Friend-ed” by my lover’s mother. 
For whom I try and behave…although I suspect she reads this weblog so that ship has sailed. smile

I have been “friend-ed” by the college roommates of HIS exwife.  Although I sincerely doubt either of his exwives will sign up to be my “Friend”…
Facebook or otherwise.

I am friends of my kids’ friends who range in age from almost 20 to almost 30 years old….so I am privy to their lives and loves…
I know way too much.

FaceBook suggests “Friends” which has been annoying and invasive and cumbersome.

And then…a suggested FaceBook “Friend” turned out to be the brother of a long ago time very best friend in my life.  An email later…and her 16 year old daughter “Friend-ed” me on FaceBook.  As a high school girl she has been disturbed by the fact her mother is no longer connected to her high school friends.

And although they live a thousand miles away…it turned out her band was going to be in town this week.  And that five of her ten siblings live here in Santa Cruz.  One right down the street.

and so… thanks to FaceBook…we get to be Friends once again. 


(however…don’t be thinkin’ this means I’m gonna be playing Mafia Wars….laughing….)

all hail sanchez

This photo was shamelessly stolen from sfgate.com….it was taken by Michael Maloney of The Chronicle.

Jonathan Sanchez 57 pitched a no-hitter tonight.
First one for the Giants since 1976…
first one at home for the Giants since 1975.

We watched the last few innings on television. 
It was a sight to behold. 

Caught by Eli Whiteside 22. 

Sanchez had been sent back down to the bullpen and just came back into the rotation.  His dad flew in last night…it was the first time he saw his son start.

Awesome.  Totally way awesome.

down by the Boardwalk…down by the sea-ee-ee

I tend to complain about tourists during Tourist Season.  Not sure why so many who vacation to Surf City forget to pack their common sense.

On the flip side, I admit there are some really cool things to do here…and many of them are free.

Every Friday night during the summer there are concerts in front of the Boardwalk…right on the beach.  From where I am it’s a short walk through the neighborhood and across the trestle, over the river to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.

   
 
The concerts always bring a good crowd, but this week was something else. 

The Boardwalk and the beach were packed to see the Gregg Rolie Band.  As lead singer of Santana, Rolie was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He was also one of the founding members of the band, “Journey”.  The band played songs from both and a few songs of their own.

(I feel as if I am about to start channeling an episode of Bond’s Tuneage Tutelage) 


It was a very cool concert and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series.  A lot of people brought little picnics…with typical picnic treats…back at the ranch we had to satisfy the craving. 
 
Another way fun event was the annual “Bikes on the Bay” Vintage Motorcycle Show.  Hundreds of pre-1985 American, British, European, and Japanese motorcycles and scooters.  It was pretty crowded around all the bikes and booths.  Some interesting, some innovative, even some junk.  Accessories, clothing, parts…and a really great BBQ with Marie Callender’s for dessert.

This wasn’t just a show for garage queens…there were quite a few street worn bikes. Here are just a few which caught my eye..

I have to admit…there really are a few good things about Tourist Season.

a thank you, a shout out, and a hat tip

Tomorrow I’ll recap the trip to Portland…but today I wanted to send out a personal post of triple thanks.

Thank you for your encouragement.
Thank you for the presents.
Thank you for the recipe.

Earlier this week on my morning walk through the harbor, I came upon a dramatically tragic scene.  David of authorblog has encouraged my photography and taught me the value of always having the camera with me.  There weren’t many people around…and I was the only person with a camera who was not with law enforcement.

Subsequently the local paper used my photographs on line and in print.  I asked that my name not be used…not because I am humble…but I didn’t want to come up on some google search associated with this particular circumstance.  The news guy has expressed interest in using other photographs I may have.

While I was getting ready to put together this post…I found out David had gifted me with his Post Of The Day for “the fathers”.  I am honored for the acknowledgment…and I love meeting the new people who surf over from his site.  I have found many weblogs via his POTD choices as well. 

David  is not only a professional photographer,  published novelist, and rather prolific blogger…he is a very encouraging mentor to many of us out here in the world wide weblog world.  Thank you David.  

I also want to give a shout out to Dana at Amid Life’s Crises.  I have participated in three weblog book drawings recently.  I actually won at Dana’s!!  Not only did she send “UnCommon“  by Tony Dungy…she also included a really cute bookmark…and a READING LIGHT which I absolutely love.  Dana is a strong intelligent woman who is in the midst of some major life choices.  Her battles on behalf of her son and herself are frequently heart tugging…and always thought provoking.  Thank you Dana!

Last but not least…a quick hat tip to Hammer.  His irreverent and edgy posts are a cover for a great father and husband….and what seems to be an amazing man in the kitchen.  I have a dear friend from my past in town this week…so I tried Hammer’s  most recent recipe for “Baked Potato Soup” tonight…and it was a HIT !   I will definitely make it again.  The first time I used one of his recipes was almost exactly a year ago he gave out his Vidalia Onion Dip.  I have made this for parties and potlucks several times to rave reviews. Thanks Hammer.

These are just a few reasons why I am very grateful for the weblog world!

Remembering Papa

My Grandfather would have been 94.  We are celebrating his birthday for the first time without him.  He had a long life…well lived…and well loved.

Virtual Spring Cleaning

Voicemail box is full.
Text message limit is maxed out.
Guess I need to go through them.

At this time in my life, for the most part only four people text me; SugarCookie, Little Missy, The Cub, and The Teamster.  I have saved texts of the odd sentimental message from each one ….a few of which are from two or three years ago.

I can no longer keep up with my Reader.
If I don’t “read” for a few days there will be hundreds of posts awaiting some sort of action. 

I have accumulated 298 subscriptions in my Reader, which I have divided into twelve categorized folders. 

Granted, two thirds or more are of a “news and information” type nature.  I reject the pabulum most people rely on.  I read the left, the right, and the in between cause I want to know more than the twenty second sound bite which main stream media has deemed sufficient for our consumption.

Since June of 2007. I have “starred” 174 posts to save in said Reader.  I have emailed myself an additional 202 posts to save in my own email folders.

Forty-nine percent of these saved and starred posts contain some sort of information I assume I will want to reference or access at a later date. Seventeen percent are political, religious, or sociological  rants or raves. Eleven percent are from the Faeries…go figure. The remaining twenty-two percent are a mishmash of posts, most of which I don’t remember why I saved them.

And then there is my personal email.
420 contacts in my gmail address book
More than half I do not recognize.
Google saves everyone for me.
I wish they wouldn’t do that.

Google sets aside a significant allotment of storage space for each of its users.  Below your Inbox they provide you with how much of this space you are using.  As of this very minute, mine says:

You are currently using 396 MB (5%) of your 7318 MB.

Cool.  I am only using 5%.  Pat my little self on the back.  Makes me feel as if I have kept on top of the email thing.  I KNOW that I delete dozens and dozens of messages daily.

But still…on closer inspection.
1999 sent email messages saved.
533 in the Inbox.
154 “starred” for action or review.
59 folders sorting out my email.

I have kept…as in not deleted…a total of 5,852 gmail messages dating back to 24 August 2006. (Oddly enough 888 of those are “chats”. ) The scary part is that gmail combines replies and forwards into one string of messages and counts it has a single message. For you math-geeks out there…that means I have saved (on average) just over five emails each day for the past 967 days.

Time to wear out the delete key.

hey you…with the clippers

Imagine along with me…

You wake up in the morning and have no internet access.  No big deal…glitches happen.  Ten minutes later you try to text and realize you have no cell phone service…okay….so you pick up the land line…nothing.

You flip on the television and wait through fifteen minutes of fluffy GMA until the local news comes on. At this point you just want to find out what the sam hill is going on.  The familiar morning anchor out of San Francisco has it as his lead story. 

Fiber optic cables have been cut.

Four of ‘em.  Two in San Carlos….two in San Jose.   Beneath manhole covers weighing hundreds of pounds.  Down a couple of ten foot shafts.  In up to four feet of water amid poisonous gases.  Only those four cables were damaged. Nothing else. Someone knew exactly what they were doing. 

Parts of San Jose, all of Santa Cruz county and San Benito counties are without cell and land lines for fourteen to sixteen HOURS.

This is what transpired yesterday.  I am cognizant your initial reaction includes smug acknowledgment of how we have become far too dependent on our cell phones and internet access.  Those who know me got a little laugh imagining me without connectivity.  But there is far more to this story.

What was the result of no cell phone, no land line phone, and no internet service?

Stores, restaurants, gas stations, et cetera could not take credit or debit cards.  Which of course sent people out to withdraw cash…however…

No ATMs were working. (picture 40+ people in line for the teller) Hospitals without their medical records access, pharmacies unable to fill patient prescriptions.

And the kicker….  no 911 service.

All law enforcement and fire service personnel were called in.  Manning every available vehicle they drove around the city….through neighborhoods…up and down streets. People were suppose go outside to flag them down in case of emergency for cryin’ out loud.

So you….with the clippers….what is your deal?
Obviously you KNEW what you were doing.  Two o’clock in the morning. You knew how to gain access…you had right tools.  You chose two specific cables in locations two hours apart from one another.  You did not take down Silicon Valley or San Francisco which would have made national, if not international headlines, immediately.  You cut the cables that are 60-100 miles away from the affected area.  This was not a random act of vandalism.  This was targeted.

I heard the media speculation you are a member of the CWA…the communication UNION…with a not so subtle threat.  I get you all have been working without a contract for over a week.  My step dad tells stories of lines being cut back in the day during negotiations.  But really? Taking out banks and hospitals and 911?  You think the surfers and bohemian artist population of aging hippies in Santa Cruz won’t raise an uproar because we will be sympathetic to your labor union cause?

Was it a test?  Are you part of some nefarious terrorist cell testing what would happen if a couple wires were cut?  Making notes on how long it would take to identify and splice?  Were you monitoring how law enforcement responds to being cut off from the populace?

This little part of the world is pretty small.  Considered rather unimportant in the grand scheme of things. We have very few headquarters of industry.  But being just over the hill from the computing capital of the world provides us with a state of the art infrastructure. 

You hit a day before the spring break tourist crowd arrives. So the panic of visiting extraterrestrials not being able to phone home was avoided.  

You basically took away our ability to communicate out or operate business for the better part of a business day. 

This is where my conspiracy theory imagination kicks in.  I cut my espionage teeth on the likes of Ludlum and Clancy.

Why does this not make the national news?
Four cables strategically cut. No banking, no ability to contact law enforcement or emergency services. No communication out.  We have radio and television getting the message in…but no way to communicate out.  Think about it.

Not to mention the fact our ability to access to our own recourses to acquire goods and services was just about completely severed.

In a related story:
After the initial report by the Wall Street Journal, there hasn’t been much information on the infiltration of our nation’s power grid applications by foreign entities… potentially from China and Russia.  The electrical grid for the entire nation. Not just electricity either….the grid which includes the running of all our water and sewage systems.

Where is the media coverage on these events?

While the death of Natasha Richardson was a tragedy and Farrah Fawcett’s illness is very sad,  does the American public really need to hear about it day after day??  (Travis points out the inappropriate absurdity.)  We heard over a week of posturing from Congress and the Senate and the White House over AIG bonuses.  (Which by the way were paid…as were the ones to Fannie and Freddie and the automakers…) 

Where is all the outrage and demand for investigation over serious threats to our daily existence?  Why is the national main stream media not reporting on the vulnerability? 

I am reminded of a couple posts I read lately from Hammer and Gene about stocking up on supplies and keeping a transistor radio.   

Hostile foreign entities plugging into our electrical grid…communication lines being severed. Maybe I ought to establish a family meeting place if need be. I consider reinstating my gun permit, learning how to operate a ham radio…and burying a bundle of cash in the backyard.  At what point does making contingency plans  start to sound whacko….like Ruby Ridge and Waco?

I dunno. 
But I’m starting to pay close attention.

just another fan....

There are a whole slew of U2 posts out there this week...most of them mention Letterman. (you do know that U2 performs on The Late Show every day this week...don't you?  Bono and Dave together...is this a great country or what?) 

You can find Bono on Vinny's Couch...in Dad'sHouse...and he'll probably show up in The Ice Box with the Songbird.   But the posts that really shine are with Starlight...she knows her U2.

Dad turned me on to a tribute site which features the man wearing a necktie and an earring.  I'm especially liking the quote page.  Not to mention he says all this with that incredible Irish accent....sigh....

"You put on the leather pants
and the pants start telling you what to do."

You say you'll give me eyes in the moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest.
All the promises we make,
from the cradle to the grave.

"Never trust a man who tells you it's from the heart,
never trust a man smoking a cigar,
never trust a cowboy
or a man who wears shades..."

If you didn't catch Letterman last night...the Top Ten was a riot... I suck at Guitar Hero too....(note The Edge gave his own version of #5....NOT the one written)

The Top Ten Things U2 Has Learned Over The Years

wordless wednesday ~ flores encantadoras

red and the pledge....

from the lunch table today....

this morning ~ 38 degrees
this afternoon ~ 72 degrees

but I would like to see a little snow....

The Magi Effect

gifts

I'm all jumbled these days.
being out of town.
preparing for Christmas.
my Mama's healing.
my brother's birthday (he would have been 46 today had he not frozen in time at 20)
SugarCookie's birthday tomorrow    (27 oh my)
Little Missy's birthday friday   (21 legal at last)
It's a big week.

I've been dwelling on the gift of giving.

gift ~ as in presents
all wrapped up for birthdays and christmas...

gift ~ as in talents
grace, teaching, faith, wisdom, knowledge, mercy, prophecy, tongues..et cetera...
(a talented tongue is a gift...yes?)

the art of giving
the art of gifting

and maybe most importantly...
being mindful of what I have been given.
being grateful...
and thankful....
for what I have been given.

It comes to mind that I am thankful for YOU reading this.  I have been a less than faithful writer...and recently even an unfaithful reader...so I am thankful you surfed by...and that you have waded this far into my stream of consciousness... it is a gift that somebody learns what goes on in this pinball brain of mine.
(you are kinda like my flippers...ya know?)

I am thankful you are willing to "listen" to me ramble...even if it is not always an easy task to undertake.  Cause you see.....even though I am an "Earth Girl" I am NOT Easy...nor would I ever want to be. (cheesy film reference).

Tis A Gift To Be Simple... true...I strive to be simple....yet another gift...but it would be a total drag to have to be easy.

So...to those of you who read my little weblog out of interest...not out of obligation....
Thank you for your gift of friendship.

One of my top five all time favorite Christmas stories is:
              "The Gift of the Magi"

So much so that while in NYC for work I bullied one of my friends in to visiting Pete's Bar where O. Henry wrote his short story in 190-something.
( I even wore my own long hair pulled back in combs for about ten years...as if I could find true love with a pocket watch)

Not to be confused with THE Magi....The Three Wise Men (We Three Kings of Orient Are....) who followed the star to find the baby Jesus.  Our tradition of Christmas gift giving derives from their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. An event which is very well documented outside of the Bible and which most of the world celebrates in the first week of January as the Epiphany.

I have had an Epiphany about gift giving...it is....well...quite simply...a gift.

To be able to recognize what an individual would embrace...a gift they would appreciate...is not always an easy task.

One of my kids won't give a gift they covet...that sounds selfish...but they are honest about what motivates their behaviour. 

Another kid calls for a gift list..."what do you think [fill in the blank] would like."  I am surprised how many of my suggestions they follow through with.

The other had picked out the exact perfect gift...and scared the recipient.  They have become a bit gun shy in their personal gift giving... and as a result...are generous to a fault in everyday life.

Why do so many people get caught up in the hype?  The bargain?  The trendy gift of the year...that you have to stand in eph-n line for in the middle of the night? Do they really know someone who WANTS a gift like that?

If the giving becomes caught up in price and cost...it loses its value.  If the focus is on comparison and competition....it is merely satisfying an obligation.  If it becomes more about the stress and strain...it is not a gift...it becomes a present.  (don't even get me started about wrapping...you've seen the way I decorate cookies...)

Don't get me wrong...I like receiving presents...I do.

Gifts that are given are presents...but not all presents given are gifts.  To my way of thinking...a present is something that can be given to any number of different people...a true gift has been selected specifically for the recipient.

It is not always just the thought that counts.
I told you my mind is all pinballing....

a new gang member

I greet the usual gang.  After four months they are as familiar in my routine as coworkers and neighbors.  Down the hall...through the doorway, I notice new faces.  Without meaning to... I catch them in an intimate moment.  Their raw emotion hooks my attention. 

Two very attractive men...one with his eyes closed relaxing in the recliner...a blanket pulled up to his shoulders.  The other man leaning over the chair lovingly running his hands over the resting man's face...massaging his head.  Gently rubbing his shoulders.  He stands up. I can hear him apologizing sadly.  He has to leave.

He softly kisses the top of his loved one's head.  Common courtesy dictates that I should turn away, but their poignancy is riveting.  He can't help himself....he starts the therapeutic touching again.  Face, neck, chest, head.  He straightens and even from my stand point I know he can not pull himself away.  Adjusting the blanket. Checking the water bottle. Touching a cheek. Smoothing the beard. He turns to speak to someone out of my sight. He is already late and he has to leave. One last kiss and he heads towards me.

Passing next to me in the narrow hallway he catches my eye and says,"Good Morning."

There is a strident sense to his voice that is all too familiar.  He so wants this to be a good morning. I smile and say, "Hey".  I watch him scan me and then my Mama with the nurse. I watch him figuring out our gig.  He touches my arm... turns... and strides back into the chemo room.  Reaching out for the other man once again...he needs to get going....but in his face I see that he can not bear to leave.  He is torn between love and obligation.

We walk from the lab office to the doctor's office.  The man standing sees us and greets my Mama "Hello".    He watches our slow stroll....her arm through mine.  At 5' 2" I am never tall but these days I tower over her.  I have this ragg-mopp of hair...she has none.  He watches us walk by...his fingers still stroking.  I smile at him and make some typically smartass comment to the chemo staff.  They have finally become accustomed to my irreverent banter and laugh out loud. Humor is my shield. As we pass I see the man resume his affectionate goodbyes.  

After our time with Dr.A (for whom I am most thankful) we join the chemo group.  A circle of lazyboys with colorful blankets and pillows hold a half dozen warriors reclining with their poisonous IVs. Lengths of tubing. Drip bags of venom.  On days like today there is room for embedded family and friends.  As Mama gets situated I realize the anxious man is gone...and I get a first look at his loved one.

They are virtually identical...the same man a couple decades apart.  This is not his lover...this is his SON.  There is a tug on my heart. Those endearments were not that of a lover's distress... what I had witnessed was parental anguish. I feel that hot pressure threatening to flood my eyes.

I gather Mama's coat and hat to stow during treatment.  Crossing the threshold out the side door tears escape and I am ticked.  I haven't cried at chemo since the very beginning and I am not about to do so now. 

Later.  When I can think it through and control the tears.  Then I will cry for the father's torment. It has been a year of tears.

Back in the chemo room I sit between my Mama and this boy. He is well over six foot. Handsome. We exchange names.  He graduated high school in 2003 and just transferred to Sonoma State. He's read about LittleMissy. He is majoring in kinesiology....wants to be a physical therapist. I remember his father's attention.   Like my BearCub he wears those stupid ass corduroy bedroom slippers as if they are shoes.  Today is his first treatment.  He has a ream of paperwork to complete.  He needs to schedule other sessions.  A girl calls his cellphone.  He draws designs in sketch book.

I look about at the other players in our little drama.

Knitting lady who is dropped off and picked up by her husband...but her friend always joins her in the chemo room.  Usually eating...they sit and talk the entire time.  The entire time. 

The black guy who can sleep and snore through everything. A linebacker type who barely fits in the chair.  I wonder if his shiny bald head is by choice or a circumstance.

The elderly woman from my church who comes with her oldest son.  She lost her husband in January and her younger son in July. To look and talk to her you would never know of her illness or loss.

The police detective who is always reading. He carries an accordion file stuffed with work. His chemo quit working (why does it do that??)   He will transfer to Stanford for a clinical trial.

The well dressed quiet fred astaire type who seems so sad...but whose face becomes brilliant when his three year old grandson brings him lunch halfway through.

And the new kid on the block.  Chatting with me to keep the other stuff at bay. I know I will think of him...and his father for a while.  I start to sigh...then manage to take up a deep breath before the sigh has a chance to take hold.  

I've gotten pretty good at that.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot ~ anti trust ?

explain this to me...

Microsoft and Google are big successful companies.

AOL and Yahoo are big and formally successful companies.  However....now... they are in serious financial jeopardy.

The federal government won't allow the successful companies to merge with, or buyout (all or even part of) the not so successful companies. 

I get the anti-trust, global monopoly concerns.

However....is it better to just sit back and watch AOL and Yahoo fail?  Allow their stock to plummet until bankruptcy ?  Stand by while their employees lose their jobs?

'Cause then the business...and the revenue will just rollover to Google and Microsoft anyway. 

They will still be bigger and more powerful.  They will still control damn near 100% of the market.

But this way they get the last little bit for free.