Movie Review: 3 Superhero Flicks (2016)

OK, darlings, let's do this in chronological order: Deadpool, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Captain America: Civil War.

                 

Short version for the impatient: 

• Deadpool:  Irreverent, gleefully meta-misbehaving R-rated romp. B+
• Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: As sleep-inducing as rhino tranquilizers and as vacuously pretentious as college freshmen. D
• Captain America: Civil War:  Imperfect but entertaining anyway!  A-  (Was there a teensy bit of grade inflation due to comparing this face-off with DC's?  You betcha.)

For those of you who want more details, read on!

Movie Madness: Terrible Movie Reviews 1, Ben Affleck 0

The reviews are rolling in for the much-anticipated Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and they are pretty brutal.  Look, La Parisienne and I were sure from the get-go that the flick would suck, but "30% on Rotten Tomatoes" is the kind of soul-crushing, black hole level of suck that not even I thought the thing could plunge into.  That's barely better than the 26% rating of the worst superhero movie I ever actually paid to see (that would be Green Lantern from 2011 ... and I still want my money back!).

So when someone edited a sad, sad song into this snippet of an interview with Ben "Batman" Affleck and Henry "Superman" Cavill, the internet ate it up with a Schadenfreudelicious spoon.  This thing is equal parts tragedy and comedy, and I suppose I should feel bad that I laughed, but ... The dead, glazed eyes of surrender just killed me.  At the same time, bless Cavill for bravely - nay, even heroically - soldiering on with a smile.  Take a look for yourself.  Oh, dear.  Oh, oh, dear.

PS: In case you're wondering, I still intend to go see this train wreck ... but maybe I should see Zootopia first (it may be a cartoon, but it's got 99%!).

Movie Magic: Trailer Mania

Let us obsess about the 3 trailers that just hit the Internet in the last few days.  Here they are, with the best for last (of course):

Movie Madness: Awesome Fan-Made Trailer For Batfleck

Remember the Ben Affleck-is-Batman freakout from last week?  Some enterprising fan has made a trailer that frankly looks spectacular.  And yes, Bryan "Walter White" Cranston as Lex Luthor would rock so hard.

Only Ben Affleck Can Bring This Riven Nation Together

GOOD LORD, PEOPLE.  Warner Brothers announces that it cast Ben Affleck as Batman for the Superman sequel, and the Internet explodes with the rage of a thousand suns.  Apparently Ben Affleck is the only thing that can bring this deeply divided nation together ... by uniting almost everyone in their conviction that This Is The Worst Casting Decision EVAR.

OK, this is kind of funny in a way, but it's also kind of ridiculous.  (Let's look at two explosions of rage about casting, shall we?  Example of the first and the current howling.)  AFFLECK HASN'T EVEN FILMED A SINGLE FRAME AS BATMAN.  EVERYBODY CALM DOWN ALREADY, GEEZ.

I thought Man of Steel with Henry Cavill was pretty good, and as far as I'm concerned, Affleck's well and truly resurrected himself with Gone Baby Gone, The Town, and - lest we all forget - Argo. OK, so he's a better director than he is an actor, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  And if I'm wrong, I'll just root for Superman to kick his butt all over Gotham.

But if you want to have fun hating Affleck today, go ahead.  I've linked to an old but still hilarious skit from Jimmy Kimmel.

Movie Review: "Man of Steel"

Superman Returns.

The somewhat improbable teamwork of Zack Snyder, Christopher Nolan, and David Goyer has produced one of the summer's most anticipated movies, and while Man of Steel has some problems that prevent it from achieving full greatness, it's still a watchably good film that both cleanses the world of Bryan Singer's 2006 disaster with Brandon Routh and hints at impressive future potential.  Think of this movie as Batman Begins for Superman.