Fun With Headlines: The Presidency!

From National Review:

Senator Dianne Feinstein Dead at 90

Divine Intervention I say! Works like this; Gov Newsom appoints Kamala Harris to replace Mrs Feinstein where she will only have to keep her mouth shut and vote the party line in the Senate. Lifetime tenure is assured. Slo Joes handlers will have him announce that Mrs Harris will be replaced by Gov Newsom, who will take over Harris' role as border and gun control Czar. About 2 months later, Slo Joe will announce his resignation and retirement, moving Newsom up to the presidency where he will become the party nominee. Again, tenure is assured, and as a by-product, all investigations into the Biden crime family will be dropped.

Smooth, seamless, and with a minimal number of unfortunate suicides. 

D.C. to honor Jack Smith with Statue

 Shown here the proposed statue of Jack Smith, prosecutor of Donald Trump to be installed in front of the D.C. jail where several dozen protesters are being held without charges:

Shown: The D.C. Jail with proposed statue of prosecutor Smith in front.

Proposed statue of Prosecutor Smith. The completed statue is available at a very reasonable cost and only requires that the circle D logo be added to the pediment, and the head be revised slightly.

QOTD - Davos

This from Insty:

 “This wannabee gaggle of quasi-oligarchs and autocrat throne sniffers represents everything that is wrong with the human desire for control, power, and to crush the individual for fun and profit. - Glen Reynolds 

This description of the participants is the best and most succinct I've seen to date. I'm shamelessly stealing it for use at any opportunity, and I call on everyone else to join in. Throne sniffers, indeed.

Womens Problems

 Women only have 2 problems: #1: How to attract men, and #2: How to make them go away. 

Nearly all women have worked out solutions to these problems with varying degrees of success.

All other problems a woman might have can be solved by applying their solutions to items 1 or 2.

If you reverse the words "men" and "women", nothing else seems to change.

New Improved Lie Detector?

 The technology to detect mental problems via a skin sensor is out there, it only needs a careful analysis to move from detecting Parkinson's to detecting purposefully generated falsehoods. An AI could probably knock this out in a day or so.

Imagine a politician making a speech behind a podium with contact patches embedded in the speakers surface. Imagine politicians making every speech like an Italian, hands flailing in the air to emphasize every point, and to avoid touching the contact patches.

Omicron Delta Kappa

 Wasn't that Fauchi's fraternity back in med school?

Basis for a Dilbert Strip

 Here's a headline 

Apple Machine Learning Director Said to Quit Over Tech Giant’s Return-to-Work Policy

Which made me think that some clever code monkey at Apple had written an AI that did all the functions of a director, and pulled down the salary to the code monkey, without ever having any human contact at all. Great scam, if you can get it.

Problem being is that now Apple wants its people back at work, and someone was bound to notice the absence of a warm body in the directors chair. 

Apple might well leverage this by writing AIs that formulate meaningless memos in high-level bureaucratese and send them to a designated mailing list. The obvious use would be to replace about half the executive branch of the government with these things. CGIs could be constructed to convince the public that real people were somehow involved, and the whole country could run on autopilot.

Taxes And Regulations Work! Here's Proof

 

None of these happened, and that proves that there is no problem that can't be quickly solved with a generous dose of taxation and the creation or expansion of a government agency.

Prove me worng!

Epstein Syndrome?

 Now there's a name for it, oligarchs committing suicide and frequently taking all nearby witnesses with them.

Epstein Syndrome, no less!

Fun With Headlines: Climate Fixed!

 Breitbart is reporting that Slo Joe is going to fix the worlds climate problems by executive order. Eclipsing the efforts previously brought to bear by King Canute no doubt.

Biden Promises Executive Action on Climate Change as Energy Costs Spike

That'll show mother nature who's boss. He'll probably throw in something to normalize the ebb and flow of tides too while he's at it.

Putin Reads From Trumps Book

 As of right now, it's pretty clear that Putins library includes a copy of Trumps book "The Art Of The Deal'. Famously it says that when going in to negotiate, ones position should be to demand the Sun, the moon, and the Stars, and work from there.

Putin has offered his starting position for an end to hostilities in Ukraine thusly:

1. Ukraine should cease all military actions.

2. Ukraine must change their constitution to guarantee its future neutrality.

3. Ukraine must acknowledge Russias possession of Crimea, and 

4. Give up the 2 eastern provinces which the Russians occupied a short time ago.

A great opening offer. Let's see:

1. Russia enjoys being thought of as the second most powerful military force in the world, and is quite embarrassed to be getting stymied by #22 Ukraine.

2. The next time they invade, they would prefer a completely disarmed victim. This is Russias international equivalent to the U.S. gun bans.

3. Russia had based a big part of their Black Sea Fleet in Crimea and dearly wants their Navy bases back. Historically, Crimea has been part of Ukraine, notwithstanding the little love lost between the mostly Muslim Crimeans, and the mostly Christian Ukes. The Crimean Cossacks don't care much for the Russkies either.

4. The Donbas region has been an economic disaster ever since the Rus occupied it, ostensibly to protect the ethnic Rus who live there. Anyone who could move, already has, back west into Ukraine.

So now it's Ukraines turn to make a counter offer. The soldiers on Snake Island probably said it best, but this is international diplomacy, so their response to the Russian demand for surrender would probably need to be Bowdlerized a bit:

1 You first.

2. You first.

3. How about if we agree that Crimea will be a designated neutral and demilitarized zone?

4. You will remove all occupying troops from Donbas, and we will guarantee full rights to the citizens there.

5. Additional diplomatic words and phrases, saying nice things about all parties concerned, mentioning Ukraines right as a sovereign nation to associate with anyone she wants, and ending with "...and the horse you rode in on."

Fun With Headlines - Ukraine

 From ProTrumpNews (they kept the name. Why not, it bugs the left!)

Jen Psaki Confirms Biden Admin Will Accept Ukrainian Refugees 

 Following up, Putin offers to send 20,000 refugees formerly stationed kept at various Russian military bases on condition that Biden move to house them in D.C.

Kamala Threatens Putin!

 The news won't report this of course but I have it on the best authority* from an unimpeachable source** that Kamala will be meeting with Putin and laying down the law: "You call off the invasion of Ukraine and recall all the troops or you're sleeping on the couch for the rest of the month!"

*A small bird, chirped in my ear.

**I hold no office, therefore I can't be impeached.

QOTD - P.J. O'Rourke

 "I have often been called a Nazi, and, although it is unfair, I don't let it bother me. I don't let it bother me for one simple reason. No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and ravished by someone dressed as a liberal." - P.J.O'Rourke 

Now imagine being tied to the bed and ravished by Anthony Weiner while Hunter stands nearby, stoned, watching. Would that not excite a liberal?

If You Can't Beat "em... Trade

 The supply chain problem is now into it's perennial problem, that being that very little gets done in China (and a lot of the rest of Asia) this time of year anyway, due to Chinese New Year. This fest begins with abut a week to gather ones extended family together, a week to celebrate, and a week to recover, after which it's back to work. 

This year it might help by giving the SoCal seaports 3 weeks to try to process the backlog. Grace Meng (D-NY) is proposing that Lunar New Year be a recognized federal holiday as well, bumping the total to 12. 

While it's good to hear that all the really big problems facing Washington have been either successfully dealt with or swept under a rug, I have to add conditional support for the idea of another Federal day off. I will support Mrs Mengs bill if she includes a day in October to honor Octoberfest. This would combine support from both the Asian and Northern European communities into a veto-proof majority of national support. While we're at it, how about if we move the Super Bowl to the weekend of the week preceding Lunar New Year, and set Octoberfest Day as the weekend preceding Halloween. 

Realistically, the fall holiday should probably be set on the first Saturday following election day so that everyone, regardless of affiliation, would have a chance to celebrate (or mourn) the outcome.

TEOTWAWKI -Weather

O.K. I've sussed it! Those prison camps in XinKiang full of Uhigers don't just make iPhones and sneakers. All the prisoners, on a second shift, are given a box of butterflies which they are forced to shake to get them to flap their wings. Since it is established science* that all our weather is caused by the flapping of butterfly wings in China, this must be the cause of all our weather catastrophes. The joke will be on the Chinese when their weather modification project causes China to be crushed by the glaciers along with everyone else, and the next ice age is named "the Chinese Winter".

*Of course it's established. I read it on the internet somewhere.

• 
  

Fun With Headlines - Canadian Insurrection!

 From the conservative treehouse comes this beauty:

Amid Escalating Protests, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Has Fled the Capital City of Ottawa – Canadian Safety Minister Refuses to Confirm CBC Broadcast of Russians Surrounding the City

Even funnier because it's true, still, one must realize that the Chinese would never allow Russian troops in one of their many "breakaway provinces" now would they?

Fun With Headlines - Waukesha

 CNN has a way with words, don't you think? Wayne Dupree found this tweet and made a copy before it could be removed:

/s/ Horrible, isn't it the way that rouge SUV rampaged through the parade, killing 6 and injuring 40+? On top of being the root cause of global warming, and probably masterminding the development of the Covid virus, the things are now engaged in mass murder. /s/

Fallout From Rittenhouse

 Not really unexpected, but as an example of the far left complaining about the verdict in the Rittenhouse trial. here's one by Cas Muddle (pen name) in which the poor traumatized fellow opines that the verdict gives right-wing vigilantes the right to hunt down and shoot innocent progressives.

He displays an impressive ignorance of the constitution, which rather tarnishes his creds as a journalist, by failing to note that under the Equal privileges' and immunities clause, if the conservatives are somehow granted the right to ruthlessly hunt down mostly peaceful protesters, then the same privilege would also apply to the left, giving them the right to drive by a Republican gathering, hose them down with bullets, then claim "self defense", should they get arrested.

This is the same M.O. used by Muslims who might stab an unbeliever to death, then, when they are convicted of murder, whine most piteously about oppression of practitioners of the one true faith.

Doing Away With Colorados Income Tax?

 The Independence Institute is now promoting the idea of eliminating Colorados income tax, which is currently a flat rate of 4.5%. This is a modest rate nationally, and works out well as it's easy to calculate.

The other side of this argument is that states without an income tax somehow are more successful than states with one. Texas and Florida, for example, have no income tax. Nice, but they are also run by Republicans, which in the grand scheme of things seems to be a better indicator of a states success than the presence or absence of the income tax.

Look at one more thing here: TABOR. This feature in our constitution, says that the Colorado legislature cannot impose a tax or alter the rates of existing taxes without approval by the electorate. The legislature, and all lower lawmaking bodies know perfectly well how proposals to raise taxes fare when the public gets a voice in their imposition. The solution here is to call everything a "fee" and thus exempt it from scrutiny.

Now we all understand that governments need money. Those Trains, busses, windmills, and public housing for drug addicts don't build themselves, and all those people who don't want to work need to be supported by those who do, so we have taxes. Or fees.

Let's suppose this idea comes to fruition. The income tax revenues disappear, and must be replaced by fees. The fees will initially be modest, and will initially be insufficient, and so must be raised. Probably a lot. Of course if you find you can't afford $500/year for a license plate, you can always sell off your car and use public transportation. Harbor Freight also sells collapsible wagons which should help on your grocery store trips. Maybe RTD will update their vehicles to make getting them on and off easier. An increase in the public transit fee will pay for the upgrades which should be fully installed in no more than 5 years.

Hopefully, someone will amend the implementation to exclude motorbikes and cycles from fee increases, so the less affluent will still be able to afford to drive to whatever job they can find that are not conveniently located along a bus route. NOTE: A typical 20-30 minute commute by motor vehicle, typically takes about 1-1/2 hours by public transport. 

Not that I don't favor the idea of changing Colorados tax structure, I do. I just don't trust the people who would be in charge of making the changes.