Breathe, Balance, and Joy

I'm at my parents' house for the holidays. The change of scenery has been good, especially now when it's hard to not think about what was happening at this time last year. I've been spending lots of time with family and old friends. I've already seen 22 children--cousins' kids, niece and nephews, friends' kids. So many kids!

It's been pouring rain pretty much every day in Southern California, but today the sun is finally out and I took a walk in my parents' backyard. Where Greg and I were married.

This song popped in my head:




Greg used this song when he proposed to me. I haven't listened to it in a while. The lyrics have taken on a different meaning.

So many memories. It's hard to believe it's been a year since he was taken from me.

I do hope he's a peace and not haunting me. I've been at peace myself, overall. No magical thinking for me--at least, not after the first few months.

Here are a few things I'd like to share, ways I've been able to honor Greg this past year.

On what would have been our wedding anniversary, I got a tattoo in his honor:

If you notice the necklace I'm wearing, it was a gift from my friend Rose. It's a necklace in the shape of Iowa, with the geographic coordinates of where Greg is buried.

It was such a touching gift, and I wear the necklace almost every day.

Speaking of touching gifts, my company, Hachette Book Group, who has been so supportive, gave me the gift of a paving stone in Central Park, where Greg and I were engaged, and spent a lot of time together going on walks during the summer he was first getting chemo.

It's on one of the bridges to the reservoir, around 85th Street on the East side. Go see it if you're in Central Park.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I decided to have Greg's ties made into a bereavement quilt. He had a lot of ties! He wore them to teach.

I found Rosie Rhine online, and will say that she does beautiful work:

I'm going to hang it in my new condo. (Did I mention I'm a homeowner now?!)

Right after my closing with my keys!

moving in

Oh, and I ran the NYC marathon! I do still intend to blog about it (I got a little derailed by the election results--more grieving!), but for now, here are a few photos:

Alvina's Team for Greg raised over $26,000 for cancer research! Thank you to all who donated.

Alvina's Team for Greg! Clockwise from left: Kate, Ellen, Kirk, Jackson, Frank, and me.

photo by Mariko Nakatani

(By the way, I'm considering running again next year, so let me know if you're interested in joining my team!)

It's been a challenging, but rewarding, and amazing year. A year filled with lots of tears, and laughter, a few breakdowns, incredible stress, work challenges and triumphs, therapy, new friends, old friends, family, travel, great food and drink, adventure, and love. Despite everything, I do feel that I have a blessed life. I wish Greg were still here to share it with me, but I know he's rooting for me.

When I packed and unpacked, I did unearth many more memories of Greg. He used to leave me notes everywhere. Here is one of my favorites:

My mantras this year were imprinted on my rings. Breathe, Balance, and Joy.

I've ordered three new rings for next year. New year, new mantra.

Wishing you all a happy holiday season, and a peaceful and joyful new year.

Brooklyn in the House! Or, er, apartment in Brooklyn!

I've been feeling a little guilty about neglecting this blog. Poor blog. Every year I'm determined to post more often, every year that resolution goes by the wayside. At any rate, I thought I'd just mention that after 8 years of living in New York City, specifically in Manhattan on the Upper East Side (in two different apartments), about six weeks ago I made a big move to Brooklyn. I was a little apprehensive about leaving my huge triplex with a beautiful roof terrace (here's a picture of me on one of my last times on the terrace. Boo hoo.):

I have so many great memories from that apartment. I moved in five years ago during a real transitional period of my life. I met several whole new groups of friends during my time there. I ran a marathon while living there. I had several different relationships, friendships that came and went. I moved in as an Associate Editor, moved out as a Senior Editor. I walked to work in the sun, in the rain, in the snow, in the cold. Many parties, many guests, many roommates, good times, great times, happy times, sad times. But now onto a new chapter of my life!

I've always liked Brooklyn, and have hung out there a bunch, a lot of my friends live in Brooklyn, and overall I was excited the make the change and explore a new neighborhood. To make new memories.

So far so good! I'm loving it. The commute isn't bad--I miss the walk, but it's the same amount of time, I have a lot of different subway options and routes to choose from, and more importantly I'm finding that I have more reading time. I've been running in Prospect Park most mornings. I've been meeting friends in the neighborhood for brunch and dinner and drinks and trying out local places. So many great restaurants to try! And this past Friday I celebrated my birthday in a Brooklyn bar a few blocks away from my apartment.

(I'm holding the youngest party guest!)


I heart Brooklyn! This picture is from today, on a block near my apt:

More soon. I promise.