There are many things I do not miss about law school (ok, that's not entirely true- I kind of nerdly enjoyed law school). But there is at least one thing that makes life in lawschool preferable to life in practice.
See, in law school, the worst you could ever do was to get a bad grade. In my school, the worst grade you could get was a D, unless you were really REALLY trying to fail... And that's pretty much it. The most horrible thing that could happen to you was merely a lousy letter on your transcript. I do know, however, that at the time you are a law student, a lousy letter grade FEELS like the end of the world. But in reality, it's not. I've had my share of C's (no D's thankfully) and my life turned out ok. Despite the fact that each time I received a C in lawschool, I felt that a little piece of my earning power died and fell away forever and that I was sinking into a black hole of death, my life went on without a hitch. Now, I BARELY remember those feelings. So remember lawstudents, those feelings of hopelessness and misery are only temporary. But not the feeling of confusion, that pretty much sticks with you for life.
In contrast, things can get pretty ugly if you mess up in practice. We're not just talking about personal/career consequences either. In practice, if you mess up, it's really your clients' lives, futures, and bank accounts that suffer. I feel a little better representing corporations, but not much. Every time I turn around I feel like I discovery so many new ways to commit malpractice. It is SO important for a new lawyer to have good mentors that they can turn to. I don't know what I would do without the handful of lawyers in my firm that I can ALWAYWS turn to for a "quick question." These people are invaluable. And they just may prevent you from committing malpractice and causing your client to lose all his business assets.
In my firm, I hear stories all the time from the other attorneys about opposing counsel that have completely messed up their clients' cases just for not being vigilient about following Court Rules or for making really bone-headed moves. It scares me to think that one day I will mess up really badly and my opposing counsel will be telling stories about my goof up. I'm sure it's bound to happen, but hopefully not any time soon.
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Time-Flow Problem
I'm having a time-flow problem. As in time keeps flowing and I don't get nearly enough done.
When I'm in the office, I can't help but look around at all the associates without families and totally envy them. They have no problem billing their hours. They can stay until 7, or 9, or even 11pm getting all their work done. Then they can saunter home whenever they feel like and pass out cold, or whatever else their hearts desire. They always seem knee-deep in their work. They always seem focused. They have less distractions. They have the corner office next to the partners. They get handed the more complex cases. They probably even make more. They can automatically RSVP "yes" to all after hourse office functions, whether it be happy hour with the partners, conferences, marketing gimmicks to meet new clients. When the partners say "do this," they can have it done the next day.
I compare their work and lifestyle to mine and I think I need to be like them to really exceed expectations at my firm. I need to become my job. Maybe that's not true. In fact, I used to believe just the opposite. You know what though, if time was abundant, I think the career-advancing playing field would be more level between associates with families and those without. If I had as many hours as I needed to finish my work, bill my hours, attend work-social function, play with my kid, do the dishes and laundry, tuck my kid in, spend quality time with my husband, enjoy a little "me" time and sleep, I could easily be as successful as anyone out there.
Lately I feel like I've had to give up so many "me" activities. And it's making me feel rundown and blah. I don't get to work out very often. I don't get enough sleep. I barely get any chores done. I've stayed late at the office three times this week but it doesn't matter. No matter how much time and energy I sacrifice to the JOB, I feel like I'm STILL spread too thin all over the place and STILL behind at work. My sacrifices just don't feel worth it.
I'm not really that bitter though. When I look around at the associates without families, I realize that I may envy them sometimes but I'd never switch places with them. I have this amazing second life at home. This life away from work is so amazing and so rewarding. My son is literally the highlight of my life. He's the real purpose of my life- work is just something that I enjoy that keeps me busy and eating. If Jacob turns out to be the only legacy I leave behind and the only thing I really accomplish, I might just be ok with that.
That said, I wonder if how I feel would change if I was a stay at home mom. Would I look at my family life less fondly? With less amazement? Does it only seem so wondeful because I don't get enough of it? That I don't know. But I do know that I'm glad to have a reason to leave the office at 5pm. I'm ecstatic that I get to come home to cuddles and hugs and daily adventures with my son. If I have to say "no" to a work function, I'm thrilled it's because I have a date planned with my husband. When I'm distracted at work I'm glad that it's because I'm thinking and worrying about these guys:
When I'm in the office, I can't help but look around at all the associates without families and totally envy them. They have no problem billing their hours. They can stay until 7, or 9, or even 11pm getting all their work done. Then they can saunter home whenever they feel like and pass out cold, or whatever else their hearts desire. They always seem knee-deep in their work. They always seem focused. They have less distractions. They have the corner office next to the partners. They get handed the more complex cases. They probably even make more. They can automatically RSVP "yes" to all after hourse office functions, whether it be happy hour with the partners, conferences, marketing gimmicks to meet new clients. When the partners say "do this," they can have it done the next day.
I compare their work and lifestyle to mine and I think I need to be like them to really exceed expectations at my firm. I need to become my job. Maybe that's not true. In fact, I used to believe just the opposite. You know what though, if time was abundant, I think the career-advancing playing field would be more level between associates with families and those without. If I had as many hours as I needed to finish my work, bill my hours, attend work-social function, play with my kid, do the dishes and laundry, tuck my kid in, spend quality time with my husband, enjoy a little "me" time and sleep, I could easily be as successful as anyone out there.
Lately I feel like I've had to give up so many "me" activities. And it's making me feel rundown and blah. I don't get to work out very often. I don't get enough sleep. I barely get any chores done. I've stayed late at the office three times this week but it doesn't matter. No matter how much time and energy I sacrifice to the JOB, I feel like I'm STILL spread too thin all over the place and STILL behind at work. My sacrifices just don't feel worth it.
I'm not really that bitter though. When I look around at the associates without families, I realize that I may envy them sometimes but I'd never switch places with them. I have this amazing second life at home. This life away from work is so amazing and so rewarding. My son is literally the highlight of my life. He's the real purpose of my life- work is just something that I enjoy that keeps me busy and eating. If Jacob turns out to be the only legacy I leave behind and the only thing I really accomplish, I might just be ok with that.
That said, I wonder if how I feel would change if I was a stay at home mom. Would I look at my family life less fondly? With less amazement? Does it only seem so wondeful because I don't get enough of it? That I don't know. But I do know that I'm glad to have a reason to leave the office at 5pm. I'm ecstatic that I get to come home to cuddles and hugs and daily adventures with my son. If I have to say "no" to a work function, I'm thrilled it's because I have a date planned with my husband. When I'm distracted at work I'm glad that it's because I'm thinking and worrying about these guys:
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Weekend Parent
I knew this day was coming. I dreaded it since the day my son was born. I've been anticipating it for quite some time. My wishful thinking made me believe that it was still many months away.....but no, my kid's language skills have suddenly sharpened- seemingly overnight too. And he is now able to repeat everything he hears! Someone save me!
Just how bad is it? Well, yesterday my son said "oh crap" when he tripped on a rock. Later that day he called me a "douche puddle" (the phrase my husband and I use instead of "douche bag"). BUT I'm still hanging onto my steadast yet unrealistic hope that those phrases were just a temporary blip and that they won't make it into Jacob's permanent vocabulary. We've been trying really REALLY hard to watch our language around him, but it's so difficult to break old habits!
Then one time when I was changing his diaper, Jacob pointed to his "wee wee" and said, "BONER!." Yeah, oops. How did he learn that one? I mean the kid is 21 months old! He also likes to point out everyone and everything's "butt-butt." Maybe he's gonna be an ass man? That one I'm kinda ok with. I mean it's a legitimate, anatomically correct bit of knowledge, right?
Then today Jacob was opening all our boxes of crackers and snacks and pouring them onto the floor. I looked at him and said, "No Jacob. Bad boy!" Probably not the choicest words at the moment but it's easy to judge in hindsight. He ran out of the room, laughing and saying, "No! Mama bad boy!" Touche Jacob, touche.
Just how bad is it? Well, yesterday my son said "oh crap" when he tripped on a rock. Later that day he called me a "douche puddle" (the phrase my husband and I use instead of "douche bag"). BUT I'm still hanging onto my steadast yet unrealistic hope that those phrases were just a temporary blip and that they won't make it into Jacob's permanent vocabulary. We've been trying really REALLY hard to watch our language around him, but it's so difficult to break old habits!
Then one time when I was changing his diaper, Jacob pointed to his "wee wee" and said, "BONER!." Yeah, oops. How did he learn that one? I mean the kid is 21 months old! He also likes to point out everyone and everything's "butt-butt." Maybe he's gonna be an ass man? That one I'm kinda ok with. I mean it's a legitimate, anatomically correct bit of knowledge, right?
Then today Jacob was opening all our boxes of crackers and snacks and pouring them onto the floor. I looked at him and said, "No Jacob. Bad boy!" Probably not the choicest words at the moment but it's easy to judge in hindsight. He ran out of the room, laughing and saying, "No! Mama bad boy!" Touche Jacob, touche.
Aside from that drama, the weekend was great. We went down to Seaside, Oregon then to Cannon Beach to celebrate the three-day weekend, our elopment-versay and my birthday (I turned 21 for the fifth time, thank you very much). The weather was rainy and grey, but hey, I'm a Seattleite so that's nothing new to me. From having grown up in predictably drizzly weather, knowing how to have a fun day in the rain is part of my DNA. Although, I admit if the sun had come out, our "fun" trip could have been an "amazing" trip.
Anyways, since I had a baby, family vacations are less about location and more about family. We could have stayed at the local Super 8 just five miles from our house and still have had a blast. Just spending the entire weekend as a family, with minimal interruptions, is pretty much all I could ever ask for. It's so fun to take Jacob to new places or to old places that become "new" all over again. It's fun to watch him learn, to try new things and to learn new words (mostly). At a restaurant this weekend there was a poster of different types of fish. Jacob was fascinated by it. He took his little shovel and pretended to scoop up the "ishies." Then he ran over to where my husband and I were sitting and proudly fed his catch to us. He repeated this over and over for about fifteen minutes straight.
Since Jacob was born, our weekends are just so filled with love and laughter. It's almost unbearable how amazing it is to have a wonderful kid in your life. It also makes it so hard to think about going to work tomorrow. Long weekends like this make me reconsider my life as a working mom. I get so caught up in the fun that I forget about the days when I was dying to get out of the house to start work again. Today, after an amazing 64 hours with my son, I'm kind of longing to stay home with him all day, to watch him grow and to teach him new things.
The grass is always greener, perhaps. And perhaps once I step into my office tomorrow, I'll be glad to be back. When I start to miss him I'll just imagine him as he was this evening, sitting in his kid chair (which he placed on top of the couch) singing the "abc" song while doing "itsy bitsy spider" hand motions.
Monday, May 17, 2010
The "Job Market Sucks And I Don't Know What I'm Doing" Syndrome
I'm paranoid. Each time my phone rings, each time I see a new email in my inbox, each time a partner pops his head into my office, I think I'm being fired.
I attribute my constant fear for my job to the deadly combo of knowing there are very few jobs out there, living through the current recession and feeling constantly inadequate. I love my job. I LOVE it. But sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I'm such a drag on the firm because I require constant hand holding. I make a lot of mistakes and I can barely, if ever, meet my billable hours. I feel like there is a job axe murderer out to get me. And anyminute, my career is going to be hacked to pieces. A part of me thinks that I only feel this way because all the partners seem constantly busy and stressed out lately. They all seemed stretched to capacity. As a result, there is little room for my error and even less room to stop and ask them for guidance.
The looming feeling that disaster is around each corner is grating on my nerves. It's this constant sickness that silently eats away at my confidence and my gut. I feel unworthy. And I can't help but think that any minute my bosses will also realize this fact. Then I worry about what will happen if I do lose my job. I could never get another job in this market, not without more experience. I'd have to go into laon forebearance again. I'd have to sell all my clothes to feed my kid (oh tragedy! Not the Frye boots!)- ok, it's not THAT drastic, my husband has a very stable job- but I'm a worry wort. It's what I do.
I've come to accept that all I can do is my best. I have to hold my head up and just focus on the tasks right in front of me. I have to hope that the partners will not focus on my inadequacies and my mistakes but, rather, see me for my dedication, hard work, and passion for litigation. I have to convince myself that this paranoia is all in my head. One good thing about this paranoia is that it sure as heck makes me appreciate my job.
Most importantly, I have to realize that I, just as much as anyonelse, deserve my chance to grow into my new role. At one point in time, all superstar lawyers were in the very position that I am currently in. After all my hard work in lawschool, as a summer associate, and studying for the bar, at the very least, I deserve a chance to prove myself, right?
Today especially, I needed a little extra boost. So, when picking out my outfit for work today (which, thankfully happened to be casual day), I donned on my "power piece." A power piece is that one piece of clothing that makes you feel completely unstoppable and confident. It lets you be you, without apology or reservation. Ok, some of you may just cringe at this next part because...my power piece is..... my cowgirl boots! Yup, cowgirl boots at the office! I wore them with my Paige jeans, matching leather belt with fancy beltbuckle and a fitted button up shirt from Banana Republic. In spite of the curious sidelong glances from people in the elevator, I felt totally awesome all day long. I felt like I could kick major butt! It jsut about canceled out all my career fears and paranoias.
You know what? There is nothing better in the world than to feel comfortable in your skin, without any reserve, knowing your outward self reflects your inner self. (I may have just met my weekly philosophical quota).
I attribute my constant fear for my job to the deadly combo of knowing there are very few jobs out there, living through the current recession and feeling constantly inadequate. I love my job. I LOVE it. But sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I'm such a drag on the firm because I require constant hand holding. I make a lot of mistakes and I can barely, if ever, meet my billable hours. I feel like there is a job axe murderer out to get me. And anyminute, my career is going to be hacked to pieces. A part of me thinks that I only feel this way because all the partners seem constantly busy and stressed out lately. They all seemed stretched to capacity. As a result, there is little room for my error and even less room to stop and ask them for guidance.
The looming feeling that disaster is around each corner is grating on my nerves. It's this constant sickness that silently eats away at my confidence and my gut. I feel unworthy. And I can't help but think that any minute my bosses will also realize this fact. Then I worry about what will happen if I do lose my job. I could never get another job in this market, not without more experience. I'd have to go into laon forebearance again. I'd have to sell all my clothes to feed my kid (oh tragedy! Not the Frye boots!)- ok, it's not THAT drastic, my husband has a very stable job- but I'm a worry wort. It's what I do.
I've come to accept that all I can do is my best. I have to hold my head up and just focus on the tasks right in front of me. I have to hope that the partners will not focus on my inadequacies and my mistakes but, rather, see me for my dedication, hard work, and passion for litigation. I have to convince myself that this paranoia is all in my head. One good thing about this paranoia is that it sure as heck makes me appreciate my job.
Most importantly, I have to realize that I, just as much as anyonelse, deserve my chance to grow into my new role. At one point in time, all superstar lawyers were in the very position that I am currently in. After all my hard work in lawschool, as a summer associate, and studying for the bar, at the very least, I deserve a chance to prove myself, right?
Today especially, I needed a little extra boost. So, when picking out my outfit for work today (which, thankfully happened to be casual day), I donned on my "power piece." A power piece is that one piece of clothing that makes you feel completely unstoppable and confident. It lets you be you, without apology or reservation. Ok, some of you may just cringe at this next part because...my power piece is..... my cowgirl boots! Yup, cowgirl boots at the office! I wore them with my Paige jeans, matching leather belt with fancy beltbuckle and a fitted button up shirt from Banana Republic. In spite of the curious sidelong glances from people in the elevator, I felt totally awesome all day long. I felt like I could kick major butt! It jsut about canceled out all my career fears and paranoias.
You know what? There is nothing better in the world than to feel comfortable in your skin, without any reserve, knowing your outward self reflects your inner self. (I may have just met my weekly philosophical quota).
Monday, May 3, 2010
Welcome! Now Pay Up Suckers.
Congratulations on passing the bar! To be admitted, please complete the new admittee licensing form along with your payment in full of the following:
Licensing Fee
Lawyer's Fund For Client Protection
Local Bar Membership Fee
Supreme Court Wall Certificate Fee
Wow. Seriously? Why didn't someone warn me that the legal profession was a really bad night club with strict entry requirements and a hefty cover charge? I've already shelled out over $600 to take the bar exam and another $115 to register my computer for use during the exam. Not to mention the $3,000 I paid for Barbri and my $120,000 legal education.
People in my profession sure are good at squeezing money out of other people.
No wonder there is such an income disparity in our country. It really is true that you have to have money to make money. Good thing I didn't buy my truck because it is seriously going to take my downpayment to just be admitted into the practice of law.
Licensing Fee
Lawyer's Fund For Client Protection
Local Bar Membership Fee
Supreme Court Wall Certificate Fee
Wow. Seriously? Why didn't someone warn me that the legal profession was a really bad night club with strict entry requirements and a hefty cover charge? I've already shelled out over $600 to take the bar exam and another $115 to register my computer for use during the exam. Not to mention the $3,000 I paid for Barbri and my $120,000 legal education.
People in my profession sure are good at squeezing money out of other people.
No wonder there is such an income disparity in our country. It really is true that you have to have money to make money. Good thing I didn't buy my truck because it is seriously going to take my downpayment to just be admitted into the practice of law.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
For Love Of Law
I love my job. Lots. Actually, I think it's crazy how much I love my job. I love my job. I love my own office. I love my co-workers. I love my bosses. I love my clients- from all walks of life and ends of the spectrum. I mean, I REALLY love my job. That's not normal right?
I still am amazed at how my quixotic, wandering and spontaneous soul ended up in a professional career with an admirable education and a legitimate job. I remember the tortures and the worries and the hauntings I felt about becoming a lawyer. I thought it wouldn't be for me. I thought I'd never be smart enough to succeed in the legal profession. I thought my chances were slim for landing a job, especially next to my impressive law review peers. And yet, here I am. I have an associate position in a successful (although smaller) law firm with some pretty impressive (ok not like majorly impressive, but impressive to me) clients. I receive praises for my work (most of the time) and the other associates and partners show their appreciation for all the projects I help out with.
I would never have believed in all my law school life that I would end up here. Happy, productive and on the top floor of a downtown Seattle skyrise. I thought I'd eventually graduate lawschool with misgivings. I swore I would end up lost among the legal profession, unsure of where I really belonged. I thought law school would lead me down a non-legal career path into governance or social administration. I wasn't logical or practical enough for a stuffy, paper-pushing office job. And yet. Here I am, soaking it up and loving it.
And now it all makes sense. Litigation is the perfect career path for me. I am super nerdy. I love to research. I love to learn things and be intellectual. I love to write papers. BUT I also like to be productive and see end results. Every time I get to write a motion, I satisy both of those parts of me. I get to write an argument for why something should happen and then I get to see that argument actually result in a Judge's Order and report back the end resuls to the client. It's PERFECT.
Also, litigation is awesome because, no matter how many years you practice law, you will ALWAYS come across a new issue that you've never seen before. Of course at this early stage in my career, everything is new. But it's refreshing to see that the experienced associates and partners don't know all the answers and it's kind of cool when they rely on your research and recommendations. Yesterday an associate asked me to write an opposition for a motion for expert deposition fees. Apparently, under discovery rules, if you request to take the deposition of opposing counsel's expert witness, you have to pay them for the time they spend "responding to discovery." But it's unclear whether this includes time they spend preparing for the deposition. At first, I thought this issue would be really boring- ew, fees and costs. YUK. But, it ended up being like a caselaw scavenger hunt to track down helpful cases from other jurisdictions and apply them to my case. Then applying that knowledge to a written final product that a JUDGE will read- it can't get any better for my nerdy self.
While I do love my job, it's not all 100% skittles and butterflies. I do find that my love for my job starts to dwindle by the time 5pm rolls around. And the nights that I am up until 1:30am finishing a "last minute, high priority" motion, I often rethink my career choice. But then I always wake up refreshed (or with a sleep deprivation hang-over, completely jacked up on caffeine) with a renewed sense of love.
And then there are paydays. Totally. Worth. Every. Late. Night.
I still am amazed at how my quixotic, wandering and spontaneous soul ended up in a professional career with an admirable education and a legitimate job. I remember the tortures and the worries and the hauntings I felt about becoming a lawyer. I thought it wouldn't be for me. I thought I'd never be smart enough to succeed in the legal profession. I thought my chances were slim for landing a job, especially next to my impressive law review peers. And yet, here I am. I have an associate position in a successful (although smaller) law firm with some pretty impressive (ok not like majorly impressive, but impressive to me) clients. I receive praises for my work (most of the time) and the other associates and partners show their appreciation for all the projects I help out with.
I would never have believed in all my law school life that I would end up here. Happy, productive and on the top floor of a downtown Seattle skyrise. I thought I'd eventually graduate lawschool with misgivings. I swore I would end up lost among the legal profession, unsure of where I really belonged. I thought law school would lead me down a non-legal career path into governance or social administration. I wasn't logical or practical enough for a stuffy, paper-pushing office job. And yet. Here I am, soaking it up and loving it.
And now it all makes sense. Litigation is the perfect career path for me. I am super nerdy. I love to research. I love to learn things and be intellectual. I love to write papers. BUT I also like to be productive and see end results. Every time I get to write a motion, I satisy both of those parts of me. I get to write an argument for why something should happen and then I get to see that argument actually result in a Judge's Order and report back the end resuls to the client. It's PERFECT.
Also, litigation is awesome because, no matter how many years you practice law, you will ALWAYS come across a new issue that you've never seen before. Of course at this early stage in my career, everything is new. But it's refreshing to see that the experienced associates and partners don't know all the answers and it's kind of cool when they rely on your research and recommendations. Yesterday an associate asked me to write an opposition for a motion for expert deposition fees. Apparently, under discovery rules, if you request to take the deposition of opposing counsel's expert witness, you have to pay them for the time they spend "responding to discovery." But it's unclear whether this includes time they spend preparing for the deposition. At first, I thought this issue would be really boring- ew, fees and costs. YUK. But, it ended up being like a caselaw scavenger hunt to track down helpful cases from other jurisdictions and apply them to my case. Then applying that knowledge to a written final product that a JUDGE will read- it can't get any better for my nerdy self.
While I do love my job, it's not all 100% skittles and butterflies. I do find that my love for my job starts to dwindle by the time 5pm rolls around. And the nights that I am up until 1:30am finishing a "last minute, high priority" motion, I often rethink my career choice. But then I always wake up refreshed (or with a sleep deprivation hang-over, completely jacked up on caffeine) with a renewed sense of love.
And then there are paydays. Totally. Worth. Every. Late. Night.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Daily Grind Is Not So Daily
Yesterday I put in my first 13+ hour day at the office. Yes, at the office. I didn't even just leave at the normal time and take my work home like I usually do. By the time 10:00pm rolled around and I started packing up, I was the last associate standing. I even met the nightly janitor. But I did turn red when he emptied my daily trash and only three hershey bar wrappers fell out. Oh and I discoverd to how to turn the lights back on after they automatically shut off. Adventures all around.
I wasn't 100% pleased when I caught my 10:30pm ferry. But you know what, that's ok considering how I felt in the morning.
Yesterday morning I arrived at work with a new case sitting on my desk, an responsive motion to draft, a few fires to put out and a partner asking me to research an interesting area of law. Last Friday I spent the majority of the day at a construction site warehouse sorting through dust boxes of documents. The day before that I made severall calls to a client in New Zealand and one in Canada. The day before that I was dealing an unexpected last minute surreply and with my MONSTROUS DISASTER (the topic of my previous post). Today I will probabaly be trying to figure out how to take the depositions of two people in California who are not parties to the action and do so on a shoe string budget.
Every day is different and I almost never can guarantee what the day will hold for me. This is why I not only NOT DREAD coming to work each day, but I actually LOOK FORWARD to it. My job is exciting and it changes all the time. In litigation, you never know what tactic the other side with throw at you, you have to dodge or extend discovery deadlines, and learn to navigate the court rules. You have to think through the issues and the facts to develop a case theory and plot out a plan of action.
Right now I am just so thrilled that I chose to pursue this messy and crazy world of law. I kind of just fell into my career in litigation but I'm pretty sure there is no other career I'd rather have.
I wasn't 100% pleased when I caught my 10:30pm ferry. But you know what, that's ok considering how I felt in the morning.
Yesterday morning I arrived at work with a new case sitting on my desk, an responsive motion to draft, a few fires to put out and a partner asking me to research an interesting area of law. Last Friday I spent the majority of the day at a construction site warehouse sorting through dust boxes of documents. The day before that I made severall calls to a client in New Zealand and one in Canada. The day before that I was dealing an unexpected last minute surreply and with my MONSTROUS DISASTER (the topic of my previous post). Today I will probabaly be trying to figure out how to take the depositions of two people in California who are not parties to the action and do so on a shoe string budget.
Every day is different and I almost never can guarantee what the day will hold for me. This is why I not only NOT DREAD coming to work each day, but I actually LOOK FORWARD to it. My job is exciting and it changes all the time. In litigation, you never know what tactic the other side with throw at you, you have to dodge or extend discovery deadlines, and learn to navigate the court rules. You have to think through the issues and the facts to develop a case theory and plot out a plan of action.
Right now I am just so thrilled that I chose to pursue this messy and crazy world of law. I kind of just fell into my career in litigation but I'm pretty sure there is no other career I'd rather have.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thank You Anonymous
For helping me realize why I am doing this and why I need to do this.
When you posted your first comment a couple posts ago, my first thoughts were: (1) she obviously has no kids and (2) or she does have kids but she never had to choose between staying home with them and deciding to pursue a career. I guess it was the first.
Part of the reason I need to continue to pursue my career even though I am a mom is the fact that, unlike non-moms and men, working moms still have so much to prove in the workplace. Although it's not fair, it seems like we come to work with a strike against us simply because we choose to work and leave our babies in the capable hands of others. It's hard, both physically and emotionally even without the added pressures of society and co-workers. I happen to work in an environment that is tolerant and understanding so this helps a lot.
It's the people like Anonymous who show us we have to much to prove. It's ridiculous to me that people like Anonymous, who have no idea what it's like to be a parent can judge so harshly. I wonder what Anonymous would do if he/she ever had children. Would YOU give up YOUR career to stay home? I won't delete Anonymous's comments because I feel like, however unfair they may be, they are legitimate in the fact that many people think like this and working moms need to know that people still think like this.
Welcome to the 21st Century where women are just as capable of men as having successful careers. Where the home is not just the "woman's domain." Where men and women can jointly share domestic roles and responsibilities. Where the woman does not have to sacrifice her education, her goals, her drives, and her need to be a productive member of socitety to sit at home all day while her children are in school just so she can be there with a batch of freshly baked cookies when they get home from school.
Don't get me wrong, being a stay at home mom is a tough and demanding job and I admire those who decide to stay home. I'd decide to stay home if I knew it was best for my family. Women who CHOOSE to stay at home have my full admiration and respect. At this point in my life, it just isn't for me and I don't even think it is necessarily best for my family.
When you posted your first comment a couple posts ago, my first thoughts were: (1) she obviously has no kids and (2) or she does have kids but she never had to choose between staying home with them and deciding to pursue a career. I guess it was the first.
Part of the reason I need to continue to pursue my career even though I am a mom is the fact that, unlike non-moms and men, working moms still have so much to prove in the workplace. Although it's not fair, it seems like we come to work with a strike against us simply because we choose to work and leave our babies in the capable hands of others. It's hard, both physically and emotionally even without the added pressures of society and co-workers. I happen to work in an environment that is tolerant and understanding so this helps a lot.
It's the people like Anonymous who show us we have to much to prove. It's ridiculous to me that people like Anonymous, who have no idea what it's like to be a parent can judge so harshly. I wonder what Anonymous would do if he/she ever had children. Would YOU give up YOUR career to stay home? I won't delete Anonymous's comments because I feel like, however unfair they may be, they are legitimate in the fact that many people think like this and working moms need to know that people still think like this.
Welcome to the 21st Century where women are just as capable of men as having successful careers. Where the home is not just the "woman's domain." Where men and women can jointly share domestic roles and responsibilities. Where the woman does not have to sacrifice her education, her goals, her drives, and her need to be a productive member of socitety to sit at home all day while her children are in school just so she can be there with a batch of freshly baked cookies when they get home from school.
Don't get me wrong, being a stay at home mom is a tough and demanding job and I admire those who decide to stay home. I'd decide to stay home if I knew it was best for my family. Women who CHOOSE to stay at home have my full admiration and respect. At this point in my life, it just isn't for me and I don't even think it is necessarily best for my family.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Proud Owner Of One Case List!
I talked to the officer manager at my firm to tie up some loose ends regarding my W-2 statement from last tax year. I told her how excited I was to being work in March. Part of me wanted to call just to make sure my offer really exists and that it's hasn't been some crazy fantasy 6 months in the making by my imagination. I expected to hear any one (or all) of the following:
"Sorry, we changed our minds, we don't have a job for you."
"The work you did on that big case last summer caused us to lose billions of $ for our client. We take back our offer because you suck at law."
"We just hired someone for your position."
"Associate position? What associate position? Are you off your meds?"
"We're gonna have to file a restraining order against you if you don't leave us alone."
But to my shock and surprise, she said this:
"We are looking forward to having you. The partners are already putting together a case list for you."
WHAT?
I have a case list?
I HAVE A CASE LIST!
OMG.
As I sit on my couch stuffing my face with Peanut M&Ms lamenting my bar exam woes and trying not to fall asleep during Barbri lecture (commercial paper- must stay awake!), my career is being determined! It feels like predestination. The cases which will begin my legal career are being pre-determined as we speak.
Oh man. I hope they are good cases. I hope they are challenging and complex and involve sexy legal theories like the Economic Loss Doctrine and Respendeat Superior.
I wonder if the clients are being told that I will be the associate on the case? Imagine that! Managing partner could be telling my very first client right now "Cee will be the associate on your case starting in March...?" I wonder what that client would think if they knew I was barely a graduate, sitting on my couch hour after hour, in my sweats, shoving M&Ms down my throat, crying, moaning and pulling my hair out over the bar exam? Not a pretty sight.
I know I can't officially practice law until I am sworn in. But it's so close. I can almost taste it. I cannot wait until March, my life will be so good in March- fancy suits, cute pumps, lawyer briefcase, planned depositions, drafting pleadings, meeting with REAL clients- MY clients. I just have to survive until then.
I almost (ALMOST) feel encouraged to study commercial paper now.
"Sorry, we changed our minds, we don't have a job for you."
"The work you did on that big case last summer caused us to lose billions of $ for our client. We take back our offer because you suck at law."
"We just hired someone for your position."
"Associate position? What associate position? Are you off your meds?"
"We're gonna have to file a restraining order against you if you don't leave us alone."
But to my shock and surprise, she said this:
"We are looking forward to having you. The partners are already putting together a case list for you."
WHAT?
I have a case list?
I HAVE A CASE LIST!
OMG.
As I sit on my couch stuffing my face with Peanut M&Ms lamenting my bar exam woes and trying not to fall asleep during Barbri lecture (commercial paper- must stay awake!), my career is being determined! It feels like predestination. The cases which will begin my legal career are being pre-determined as we speak.
Oh man. I hope they are good cases. I hope they are challenging and complex and involve sexy legal theories like the Economic Loss Doctrine and Respendeat Superior.
I wonder if the clients are being told that I will be the associate on the case? Imagine that! Managing partner could be telling my very first client right now "Cee will be the associate on your case starting in March...?" I wonder what that client would think if they knew I was barely a graduate, sitting on my couch hour after hour, in my sweats, shoving M&Ms down my throat, crying, moaning and pulling my hair out over the bar exam? Not a pretty sight.
I know I can't officially practice law until I am sworn in. But it's so close. I can almost taste it. I cannot wait until March, my life will be so good in March- fancy suits, cute pumps, lawyer briefcase, planned depositions, drafting pleadings, meeting with REAL clients- MY clients. I just have to survive until then.
I almost (ALMOST) feel encouraged to study commercial paper now.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wanted: Fashion Advice For The Office
Nothing gets me more excited than having a reason to dress up. My two summers of employment at The Firm were awesome due to the simple fact that I got to wear shirtdresses and blouses and blazers. I LOVE IT.
However, I was always self conscious. Am I wearing this bazer right? To tuck in or not to tuck in? Are bare legs appropriate?
So I'm seeking YOUR help!
Tuck-In?
First question: Tuck in your blouse or don't tuck in? I like the look of a sleek tucked in blouse on others. But I think I just look funny. Is it unprofessional to not tuck in your collared button up? Secondly- has anyone tried those Victoria Secret bodysuits? The look awesome but I have a long torso and really, onesies for adults?
Skirt Length?
I personally like my skirt to fall right at my knees (my knees are kinda gnarly anyway). But I always have a hard time finding this length. Maybe it's me- I have long legs AND a long torso. So skirts always fall a couple inches above the knee (office skank?) OR they are a couple inches below (office prudely matron?). What's the most appropriate length? Why do above-the-knee skirts look appropriate on others but make me feel, to put it nicely, like a $2 ho-bag?
Blazers & Jackets
When you wear a suit, do you button the suit jacket or leave it open? If you button it, which button do you button? All of them? Are there different standards when you are in-court versus hanging around the office picking the lint between your toes? Ew, I SO do not do that, btw.
Bare NEKKID Legs?
I HATE panty hose. But they DO keep my legs warm in the winter (and they offer an extra day or two between shavings). Is it appropriate to be bare-legged at the office? What about court? I've heard people refer to the "tie rule." When a guy has to wear a tie, that's when a girl should don the horrid panty-hose. What do all you hip, modern women think about that?
Open Toed Shoes.
The answer of course is YES! I love peek toe shoes. But my real question is, is it totally a fashion sin to wear sheer leggings with pants and open toed shoes? Sometimes I have to wear leggings. The world needs a protective barrier between it and my feet (public safety, y'all).
Under the Blazer or Suit Jacket.
I usually just wear a collared shirt under a suit jacket, because I am boring like that. What else can I wear under one? A thin sweater? A frilly tank top? Are those no-nos?
Bright Colors?
I tend to be conservative when it comes to colors. I hate to stand out. But I feel like my wardrobe is drowning in greys, blacks, off-whites and blues. How do all you professional women avoid the drab without becoming a bee attracting eyesore?
Other considerations: I really like to live by the motto, "dress for the job you want not the job you have." And personally, I look younger than I am (I hate that!). So I try to be more conservative and professional in general so that people will take me more seriously. I feel like this is really important for a woman in the legal field. But I don't want to be stuck in my grandma's era of professional attire. So anything that you can offer as advice is so appreciated! Thanks in advance!
However, I was always self conscious. Am I wearing this bazer right? To tuck in or not to tuck in? Are bare legs appropriate?
So I'm seeking YOUR help!
Tuck-In?
First question: Tuck in your blouse or don't tuck in? I like the look of a sleek tucked in blouse on others. But I think I just look funny. Is it unprofessional to not tuck in your collared button up? Secondly- has anyone tried those Victoria Secret bodysuits? The look awesome but I have a long torso and really, onesies for adults?
Skirt Length?
I personally like my skirt to fall right at my knees (my knees are kinda gnarly anyway). But I always have a hard time finding this length. Maybe it's me- I have long legs AND a long torso. So skirts always fall a couple inches above the knee (office skank?) OR they are a couple inches below (office prudely matron?). What's the most appropriate length? Why do above-the-knee skirts look appropriate on others but make me feel, to put it nicely, like a $2 ho-bag?
Blazers & Jackets
When you wear a suit, do you button the suit jacket or leave it open? If you button it, which button do you button? All of them? Are there different standards when you are in-court versus hanging around the office picking the lint between your toes? Ew, I SO do not do that, btw.
Bare NEKKID Legs?
I HATE panty hose. But they DO keep my legs warm in the winter (and they offer an extra day or two between shavings). Is it appropriate to be bare-legged at the office? What about court? I've heard people refer to the "tie rule." When a guy has to wear a tie, that's when a girl should don the horrid panty-hose. What do all you hip, modern women think about that?
Open Toed Shoes.
The answer of course is YES! I love peek toe shoes. But my real question is, is it totally a fashion sin to wear sheer leggings with pants and open toed shoes? Sometimes I have to wear leggings. The world needs a protective barrier between it and my feet (public safety, y'all).
Under the Blazer or Suit Jacket.
I usually just wear a collared shirt under a suit jacket, because I am boring like that. What else can I wear under one? A thin sweater? A frilly tank top? Are those no-nos?
Bright Colors?
I tend to be conservative when it comes to colors. I hate to stand out. But I feel like my wardrobe is drowning in greys, blacks, off-whites and blues. How do all you professional women avoid the drab without becoming a bee attracting eyesore?
Other considerations: I really like to live by the motto, "dress for the job you want not the job you have." And personally, I look younger than I am (I hate that!). So I try to be more conservative and professional in general so that people will take me more seriously. I feel like this is really important for a woman in the legal field. But I don't want to be stuck in my grandma's era of professional attire. So anything that you can offer as advice is so appreciated! Thanks in advance!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Family Planning II: In Sum
Thank you all for your great comments on my post about family planning as a first year associate. They were really helpful! I don't feel so conflicted or concerned now.
The general consensus seemed to be:
1) don't wait too long
2) but get SOME experience in first (enough to make you employable/become a value to the firm)
3) find out my employer's policies re: maternity leave and whether the FLMA applies to them
4) try to cut down the commute
5) ultimately, do what you WANT
6) A lot of women are worrying about this issue too!
I think my plan will be to get a year under my belt before I'm in the situation where I have to take maternity leave. I honestly don't think I can wait 2 years though. Of course, you can't fully control babies- but it's nice knowing I have a plan either way.
Unfortunately I can't really move closer to work at this time because our home has negative equity right now (we bought before the big real estate bubble burst) and because of my husband's work. BUT there are plans in the works to get a faster ferry that may cut my commute in half- so awesome!
I always find it funny the ranges people consider to be a "mid-sized" firm. I always considered my firm of about 25 attorneys mid-sized because I previously worked in a two-attorney firm. But I've heard others, and previous commenters talk about "mid-sized" 300 attorney firms (thanks for the comment Lyn)! I guess in the world of international 500+ attorney firms, that is true. It still blows my mind that a firm can employ that many attorneys.
Thanks again everyone for your awesome advice!
The general consensus seemed to be:
1) don't wait too long
2) but get SOME experience in first (enough to make you employable/become a value to the firm)
3) find out my employer's policies re: maternity leave and whether the FLMA applies to them
4) try to cut down the commute
5) ultimately, do what you WANT
6) A lot of women are worrying about this issue too!
I think my plan will be to get a year under my belt before I'm in the situation where I have to take maternity leave. I honestly don't think I can wait 2 years though. Of course, you can't fully control babies- but it's nice knowing I have a plan either way.
Unfortunately I can't really move closer to work at this time because our home has negative equity right now (we bought before the big real estate bubble burst) and because of my husband's work. BUT there are plans in the works to get a faster ferry that may cut my commute in half- so awesome!
I always find it funny the ranges people consider to be a "mid-sized" firm. I always considered my firm of about 25 attorneys mid-sized because I previously worked in a two-attorney firm. But I've heard others, and previous commenters talk about "mid-sized" 300 attorney firms (thanks for the comment Lyn)! I guess in the world of international 500+ attorney firms, that is true. It still blows my mind that a firm can employ that many attorneys.
Thanks again everyone for your awesome advice!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Family Planning As A First Year Associate
Family planning might as well be called "career planning" around my house.
Jacob is 16 months now and everyone around me is getting pregnant or having babies. I definately have the itch to have another baby- ok, correction, I've had the itch for over a year now- I know, I'm crazy!
We talk about not wanting our babies too far apart in age. The children in my family were two years apart. My brother was born on my second birthday- lamest present ever, ha ha. But how far is too far? I think three years is as far apart as I want my children. I mean I don't want to be 40 when I'm popping out my fourth kid (yes, I totally want 4 even after my horrible 2 hours of pushing + emergency c-section experience during which I experienced every possible problem under the sun). But I love babies and I guess that love overcomes my faulty memory.
So, it should be easy right? Go light some candles, put on some mood music, club my husband and drag him to the bedroom, right? WRONG!
See, I start work in March. I will be a first year associate at a crazy, busy litigation firm. In Seattle. My commute will be 1 hour and 20 minutes and involves a long ferry ride and a 2 mile walk- one way. I will be busy and tired and stressed. I've waited practically 6 years for a real job in a real career! This is a long time in coming and I want to do well. I want to prove myself. Aren't your first couple years as an attorney critical in developing skills and proving yoursef to your employers?
So, where does another baby fit in? I was pregnant and working as a summer associate at this firm two summers ago. I still performed well, but I didn't have the BILLABLE HOUR hanging over my head. And I was distracted ike 35% of the time. I couldn't wait to get out of there at the end of the summer and meet my baby. Then there were the million bathroom breaks, the half million snack breaks and the EXHAUSTION.
Then what happens when I have a baby? I'll want to take time off but I won't want to take time off- you know? If I was a couple years into practice I feel like this issue of family planning wouldn't be so crucial. I'd have proven myself a little, got some skills in and would feel more comfortable taking a couple months off. But I can't just start a job then request maternity leave right?
Any thoughts or experience out there on having babies as a 1 or 2 year associte? In the meantime I'll try to talk some sense into my reproductive system. Thanks.
(P.S. Is it just me or do other moms get jealous of all the attention that their friends and family get when they have a newborn? It's so immature but I get ridiculously jealous and want to have another baby right there to steal back the spot light. Now excuse me while I put myself in time out for just admitting that.)
Jacob is 16 months now and everyone around me is getting pregnant or having babies. I definately have the itch to have another baby- ok, correction, I've had the itch for over a year now- I know, I'm crazy!
We talk about not wanting our babies too far apart in age. The children in my family were two years apart. My brother was born on my second birthday- lamest present ever, ha ha. But how far is too far? I think three years is as far apart as I want my children. I mean I don't want to be 40 when I'm popping out my fourth kid (yes, I totally want 4 even after my horrible 2 hours of pushing + emergency c-section experience during which I experienced every possible problem under the sun). But I love babies and I guess that love overcomes my faulty memory.
So, it should be easy right? Go light some candles, put on some mood music, club my husband and drag him to the bedroom, right? WRONG!
See, I start work in March. I will be a first year associate at a crazy, busy litigation firm. In Seattle. My commute will be 1 hour and 20 minutes and involves a long ferry ride and a 2 mile walk- one way. I will be busy and tired and stressed. I've waited practically 6 years for a real job in a real career! This is a long time in coming and I want to do well. I want to prove myself. Aren't your first couple years as an attorney critical in developing skills and proving yoursef to your employers?
So, where does another baby fit in? I was pregnant and working as a summer associate at this firm two summers ago. I still performed well, but I didn't have the BILLABLE HOUR hanging over my head. And I was distracted ike 35% of the time. I couldn't wait to get out of there at the end of the summer and meet my baby. Then there were the million bathroom breaks, the half million snack breaks and the EXHAUSTION.
Then what happens when I have a baby? I'll want to take time off but I won't want to take time off- you know? If I was a couple years into practice I feel like this issue of family planning wouldn't be so crucial. I'd have proven myself a little, got some skills in and would feel more comfortable taking a couple months off. But I can't just start a job then request maternity leave right?
Any thoughts or experience out there on having babies as a 1 or 2 year associte? In the meantime I'll try to talk some sense into my reproductive system. Thanks.
(P.S. Is it just me or do other moms get jealous of all the attention that their friends and family get when they have a newborn? It's so immature but I get ridiculously jealous and want to have another baby right there to steal back the spot light. Now excuse me while I put myself in time out for just admitting that.)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Hold The JD! I Need To Re-Do Lawschool!
My experience leading me into the legal profession can basically only be described by one word: stumble. I stumbled my way into law school after graduating with a useless political science degree and no future direction or particular career goal. One of my friends wanted to go to lawschool and I just thought, what the heck, I'll try it.
I signed up for the LSAT at the last minute, around my undergrad graduation, while other members of my graduating class had taken their LSAT at least six months before me. When I received my decent LSAT score, I applied to law school because, what the heck else was I going to do?
In law school, I stumbled my way through courses. I didn't know what a tort was until well into my first week of torts class. I didn't even know exactly what lawyers DID. But I wanted to do something intellectually challenging and mildly prestigious. I still didn't want to be a lawyer. I didn't even have an interest in any particular area of law. I enjoyed studyig law but I lacked a driving passion to be part of a certain area of practice.
After my first year, I stumbled into a legal internship while working for a public agency-- the local lawyer handling real estate issues for the agency recruited me. I discovered that while I was a mediocre law student, I had a knack for practice. I received constant praises and acknowledgment for my work even though I didn't think I did anything outstanding (and was often confused by the legal work I was doing). Anyway, once I started to pretend to practice law, I was sold on the idea that I could, in fact, be a lawyer.
Then I stumbled into a summer associate position at a small litigation firm in Seattle. I enjoyed the work I did at the firm, which was mainly in the area of construction defect and insurance defense. They gave me an offer at the end of the summer and I took it. So, I guess you could say I also kinda blundered my way into a job. I feel like it was pure luck that I randomly picked a profession that I ended up loving and that I was offered a job in a field I ended up enjoying. Clearly, my experience has not involved chasing after purposeful goals or desires. I didn't see anything I really, passionately wanted and then set myself out to achieve it. I kind of went with the flow and miraculously made it out alive, well and satisfied.
Go figure that in my last two months of law school I would finally find it. My legal field of passion! I picked up an article about LLM programs in the United States. I was comparing the legal focuses of all the different programs. Some emphasized insurance law, some corporate, etc. My eyes glanced at an Agricultural Law LLM program in Arkansas. I started reading about Ag Law. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. Ag Law is a web of rules and regulations that protect agricultural businesses, farmers and our food from the time it is planted or grown to the time it reaches our tables.
I found myself drawn to this area of law, one in which I had absolutely no interest in before. And now, the more I learn the more I am sure that I absolutely have to be involved in it somehow. I can totally see myself practicing in this area! But the bad news is that I'm already graduating. I can't look for externships or take relevant classes. I can't build this passion as a student through student organizations and events. I'm all set to start practice in another area of law. And I know NOTHING about job opportunities or the job market in Ag Law.
I feel stuck. I have to figure out how to get to the land of Agricultural Law while riding a speeding train that's quickly heading to the Graduation Town and Insurance Law City. Any advice out there? Anyone have any knowledge pertaining to careers in ag law? The long awaited discovery of my deepest, darkest law passion- has it come to late?
I signed up for the LSAT at the last minute, around my undergrad graduation, while other members of my graduating class had taken their LSAT at least six months before me. When I received my decent LSAT score, I applied to law school because, what the heck else was I going to do?
In law school, I stumbled my way through courses. I didn't know what a tort was until well into my first week of torts class. I didn't even know exactly what lawyers DID. But I wanted to do something intellectually challenging and mildly prestigious. I still didn't want to be a lawyer. I didn't even have an interest in any particular area of law. I enjoyed studyig law but I lacked a driving passion to be part of a certain area of practice.
After my first year, I stumbled into a legal internship while working for a public agency-- the local lawyer handling real estate issues for the agency recruited me. I discovered that while I was a mediocre law student, I had a knack for practice. I received constant praises and acknowledgment for my work even though I didn't think I did anything outstanding (and was often confused by the legal work I was doing). Anyway, once I started to pretend to practice law, I was sold on the idea that I could, in fact, be a lawyer.
Then I stumbled into a summer associate position at a small litigation firm in Seattle. I enjoyed the work I did at the firm, which was mainly in the area of construction defect and insurance defense. They gave me an offer at the end of the summer and I took it. So, I guess you could say I also kinda blundered my way into a job. I feel like it was pure luck that I randomly picked a profession that I ended up loving and that I was offered a job in a field I ended up enjoying. Clearly, my experience has not involved chasing after purposeful goals or desires. I didn't see anything I really, passionately wanted and then set myself out to achieve it. I kind of went with the flow and miraculously made it out alive, well and satisfied.
Go figure that in my last two months of law school I would finally find it. My legal field of passion! I picked up an article about LLM programs in the United States. I was comparing the legal focuses of all the different programs. Some emphasized insurance law, some corporate, etc. My eyes glanced at an Agricultural Law LLM program in Arkansas. I started reading about Ag Law. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. Ag Law is a web of rules and regulations that protect agricultural businesses, farmers and our food from the time it is planted or grown to the time it reaches our tables.
I found myself drawn to this area of law, one in which I had absolutely no interest in before. And now, the more I learn the more I am sure that I absolutely have to be involved in it somehow. I can totally see myself practicing in this area! But the bad news is that I'm already graduating. I can't look for externships or take relevant classes. I can't build this passion as a student through student organizations and events. I'm all set to start practice in another area of law. And I know NOTHING about job opportunities or the job market in Ag Law.
I feel stuck. I have to figure out how to get to the land of Agricultural Law while riding a speeding train that's quickly heading to the Graduation Town and Insurance Law City. Any advice out there? Anyone have any knowledge pertaining to careers in ag law? The long awaited discovery of my deepest, darkest law passion- has it come to late?
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A Job That Pays More Than Salary
Ever since I received my job offer from my law firm I have felt different. On the outside, I'm mostly the same. It's an internal change. But it's also an internal change that has left some slight imprints on me externally as well- does this make any sense?
I feel like my entire educational journey has led me to this point. Every test I've taken, every pen I've purchased, every extra-curricular activity, every single time I've laced up my running shoes for a race. I feel on top of the world. I feel I have meaning and purpose and a place in this commercialized grown up world. Officialy, I am a Grown up! Without ever knowing it previously, my 18 years of education have brought me to this point and I can finally reap the benefits of all the toiling, trouble and pain of my adolescense and early adulthood. This is who I am and this is who I am supposed to be.
I think the biggest change is how pleased I am with the person I turned out to be. Like many growing children, I spent a lot of time imagining who I would grow up to be. I never wanted to be a lawyer but I always pictured myself as a smart, independent and confident adult. Coming from a "creative" but socially insecure child, this dream always seemed too distant from the reality I lived in.
But in some crazy unpredictable way, law school and my experiences in the legal profession have given me things I only used to dream about. In all aspects, I am independent, confident and I feel smart. Having the opportunity to work in a man's world in a predominantly male firm where work is hard and challenging and big corporate insurance companies are all depending on me, has finally shown me what has always been there-- I can do anything I set my mind to. It may seem lame and even insecure that it took a job offer to make me realize this -- in some way it seems like I'm measuring my self worth on the value society puts on my word-- but I finally feel like I am in a place where what I say and what I do is important and matters. I feel like I am an equal to all those fancy men in business suits with corner offices. I feel important. I feel glamorous. I feel like I'm in the big-leagues.
When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I will never forget the day my grandpa told me, "Girls aren't astronauts, you should just MARRY an astronaut." I was so angry and right there I made a silent vow to prove him wrong and show him I could do anything I wanted to do.
GUESS WHAT GRAMPS. I DID IT. YOU CAN JUST EAT THIS OFFER LETTER!
I feel like my entire educational journey has led me to this point. Every test I've taken, every pen I've purchased, every extra-curricular activity, every single time I've laced up my running shoes for a race. I feel on top of the world. I feel I have meaning and purpose and a place in this commercialized grown up world. Officialy, I am a Grown up! Without ever knowing it previously, my 18 years of education have brought me to this point and I can finally reap the benefits of all the toiling, trouble and pain of my adolescense and early adulthood. This is who I am and this is who I am supposed to be.
I think the biggest change is how pleased I am with the person I turned out to be. Like many growing children, I spent a lot of time imagining who I would grow up to be. I never wanted to be a lawyer but I always pictured myself as a smart, independent and confident adult. Coming from a "creative" but socially insecure child, this dream always seemed too distant from the reality I lived in.
But in some crazy unpredictable way, law school and my experiences in the legal profession have given me things I only used to dream about. In all aspects, I am independent, confident and I feel smart. Having the opportunity to work in a man's world in a predominantly male firm where work is hard and challenging and big corporate insurance companies are all depending on me, has finally shown me what has always been there-- I can do anything I set my mind to. It may seem lame and even insecure that it took a job offer to make me realize this -- in some way it seems like I'm measuring my self worth on the value society puts on my word-- but I finally feel like I am in a place where what I say and what I do is important and matters. I feel like I am an equal to all those fancy men in business suits with corner offices. I feel important. I feel glamorous. I feel like I'm in the big-leagues.
When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I will never forget the day my grandpa told me, "Girls aren't astronauts, you should just MARRY an astronaut." I was so angry and right there I made a silent vow to prove him wrong and show him I could do anything I wanted to do.
GUESS WHAT GRAMPS. I DID IT. YOU CAN JUST EAT THIS OFFER LETTER!
Monday, August 3, 2009
I Can Almost Taste It!
All summer at the law firm I've heard a rumor or two about the firm making me an offer for employment for next year (I officially graduate in December). This elusive offer is still, well elusive. But hopefully not for long!
Today the administrative assistant walks into my office. She asks me if I have a copy of the firm's case handling guidlines. Oh Shit. Here it comes. I did something wrong and I'm about to get the lecture of my life. The admin assistant is really nice and almost like a mom to the associates and staff but, like any good mother, she can be...well, don't get on her bad side- we'll just put it that way. At least she doesn't have a wooden spanking stick.
She closes my office door and plants herself in the extra chair. She's wearing a dress but manages to pull out a pad of paper and pencil from somewhere. She looks like she's about to recite my charges aloud to me. I get a naseous feeling way deep in my gut- even my spleen feels it. Maybe I should just fake that I have to pee and run out of the room desperately grabbing my crotch. Maybe that's the most elegant way out of this situation?
"So..."
GULP!
"The partners want to make you an offer for full time employment before you leave this summer."
WHAT THE HELL?!?! Now I do have to pee! From excitement!
"So I need to know when you graduate and take the bar and all that.
I tried really hard to hide my excitement. If it was possible for excitement to oooze out of your pores I would have been the sweatiest damn person on the planet. Looking back, I imagine that my eyes were swelling bigger and twinkling brighter than the eyes of a Japanese anime character on speed.
And that was how I got the good news. The news that for the first time in my life, I will be employed full time in a position that is my CAREER not just a job. Since I started law school, one thing alone has been on my mind- landing a real job at a law school after graduation. Now, I'm so close I can almost taste it! This will likely be the job that defines my career for the foreseeable future. That's what they always say- your first job out of lawschool most likely will guide the direction the rest of your legal career will take.
Now I just have to pass lawschool (heck, I don't even need to worry about grades anymore!) and the bar... so close and yet, so far. (Ok, I won't jump the gun, I realize the firm still needs to make me an actual offer- but stop trying to spoil my blog post with reality).
Today the administrative assistant walks into my office. She asks me if I have a copy of the firm's case handling guidlines. Oh Shit. Here it comes. I did something wrong and I'm about to get the lecture of my life. The admin assistant is really nice and almost like a mom to the associates and staff but, like any good mother, she can be...well, don't get on her bad side- we'll just put it that way. At least she doesn't have a wooden spanking stick.
She closes my office door and plants herself in the extra chair. She's wearing a dress but manages to pull out a pad of paper and pencil from somewhere. She looks like she's about to recite my charges aloud to me. I get a naseous feeling way deep in my gut- even my spleen feels it. Maybe I should just fake that I have to pee and run out of the room desperately grabbing my crotch. Maybe that's the most elegant way out of this situation?
"So..."
GULP!
"The partners want to make you an offer for full time employment before you leave this summer."
WHAT THE HELL?!?! Now I do have to pee! From excitement!
"So I need to know when you graduate and take the bar and all that.
I tried really hard to hide my excitement. If it was possible for excitement to oooze out of your pores I would have been the sweatiest damn person on the planet. Looking back, I imagine that my eyes were swelling bigger and twinkling brighter than the eyes of a Japanese anime character on speed.
And that was how I got the good news. The news that for the first time in my life, I will be employed full time in a position that is my CAREER not just a job. Since I started law school, one thing alone has been on my mind- landing a real job at a law school after graduation. Now, I'm so close I can almost taste it! This will likely be the job that defines my career for the foreseeable future. That's what they always say- your first job out of lawschool most likely will guide the direction the rest of your legal career will take.
Now I just have to pass lawschool (heck, I don't even need to worry about grades anymore!) and the bar... so close and yet, so far. (Ok, I won't jump the gun, I realize the firm still needs to make me an actual offer- but stop trying to spoil my blog post with reality).
Monday, May 25, 2009
Just A Dreamer.
Last year I LOVED my job and I was excited about the prospects of becoming an associate at this firm. I loved the crazy complication of litigating construction defect claims. I enjoyed handling personal injury cases and I also thought it was awesome that I got to dabble in many other areas of law. While I still enjoy the people I work with and I feel pretty dang competant at what I am doing now, I just don't feel quite as excited about my cases this year. I'm looking at the cases I'm handling and thinking- so what? If we win, another construction company that engages in poor practices gets off the hook. Because althought what they do may seem wrong to me, it is still legal afterall.
I've seen too many less than deserving plaintiffs win more than they should. I've seen too many greedy clients suck the other party's insurance policy dry. While I often feel proud to be part of a successful (yet smalll) law firm, I feel like I should be doing more with my legal education. This has only been a problem for me recently. While I'm not ashamed at all of the legal work I do, I just feel like I owe society more. At the end of the day, I'm still yearning to make a difference. Before I jumped on the LSAT bandwagon, and before I even thought about going to law school, I had no idea what I wanted to do. But I knew I wanted to help people. I had this quixotic yet burning passion to be a servant of human kind. To recognize a void in the lives of others and fill it up.
I think I could spend the rest of my life in my own office, talking to mediocre clients on the other end of a phone line. I think I could do that and be content. But I don't want to be content. I want to live my life with passion. I want to get out of bed each morning excited to go to the office because I am truly helping a client who could not otherwise access legal representation.
So, here is my blue sky, reach for the heavens idea: to start a pro bono legal clinic for low income families in my community. While there are a couple in the big city, there aren't any in my own community. I know this is crazy and probably naive. I don't have money. I don't have a whole lot of experience in areas such as family law and real estate (which are usually the two biggest areas that legal clinics deal with). I know I need a lot more resources and help. I'm not even a JD yet officially. So I'm willing to keep churning this idea around and waiting on it as long as I have to.
Ideally, I'd like to be involved in a clinic like this part time and still have a part time job to fall back on. So I need to do a lot more research. And I think I need some kind of business plan. I'm not really a detail person. I'd rather just do the dreaming.
I've seen too many less than deserving plaintiffs win more than they should. I've seen too many greedy clients suck the other party's insurance policy dry. While I often feel proud to be part of a successful (yet smalll) law firm, I feel like I should be doing more with my legal education. This has only been a problem for me recently. While I'm not ashamed at all of the legal work I do, I just feel like I owe society more. At the end of the day, I'm still yearning to make a difference. Before I jumped on the LSAT bandwagon, and before I even thought about going to law school, I had no idea what I wanted to do. But I knew I wanted to help people. I had this quixotic yet burning passion to be a servant of human kind. To recognize a void in the lives of others and fill it up.
I think I could spend the rest of my life in my own office, talking to mediocre clients on the other end of a phone line. I think I could do that and be content. But I don't want to be content. I want to live my life with passion. I want to get out of bed each morning excited to go to the office because I am truly helping a client who could not otherwise access legal representation.
So, here is my blue sky, reach for the heavens idea: to start a pro bono legal clinic for low income families in my community. While there are a couple in the big city, there aren't any in my own community. I know this is crazy and probably naive. I don't have money. I don't have a whole lot of experience in areas such as family law and real estate (which are usually the two biggest areas that legal clinics deal with). I know I need a lot more resources and help. I'm not even a JD yet officially. So I'm willing to keep churning this idea around and waiting on it as long as I have to.
Ideally, I'd like to be involved in a clinic like this part time and still have a part time job to fall back on. So I need to do a lot more research. And I think I need some kind of business plan. I'm not really a detail person. I'd rather just do the dreaming.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Husband, Texas, and Floss
My husband was out of town this whole week at a conference associated with his new job. Yes, we are VERY lucky. My husband not only got a new job in this terrible economy, but he got a better paying job! To top it off, the company approached HIM with the opportunity. We are so fortunate, it is amazing!
We've been used to supporting our little family off my husband's meager, under appreciating government job. For the work and responsibility, he was definately underpaid. In three years he hadn't been given his yearly employee review or any kind of raise. He even supervised an employee that made 10K more than he did. Ridiculous!
The pay at my husband's new job is about 8K more a year. This is like manna from heaven. We are beside ourselves. We feel like we are rolling in the dough- even though by objective standards his salary is quite far from special. It's amazing to think that when I graduate and (hopefully) get a job, our income will more than double. If we are this stoked about an extra 8K (before taxes, of course), in six months we will be roasting marshmallows over a pit of burning dollar bills!
My husband gets back from his new job conference tomorrow. I'm hoping he picked me up some amazing souvenier from Dallas, Texas-- while it is still part of the country and he doesn't have to report through customs. I'm excited to see him for obvious reasons but I am especially excited to finally figure out the meaning of his last email to me.
"Cee, please pick me up at the airport at 4:30pm tomorrow. So excited to see you. Please bring floss."
We've been used to supporting our little family off my husband's meager, under appreciating government job. For the work and responsibility, he was definately underpaid. In three years he hadn't been given his yearly employee review or any kind of raise. He even supervised an employee that made 10K more than he did. Ridiculous!
The pay at my husband's new job is about 8K more a year. This is like manna from heaven. We are beside ourselves. We feel like we are rolling in the dough- even though by objective standards his salary is quite far from special. It's amazing to think that when I graduate and (hopefully) get a job, our income will more than double. If we are this stoked about an extra 8K (before taxes, of course), in six months we will be roasting marshmallows over a pit of burning dollar bills!
My husband gets back from his new job conference tomorrow. I'm hoping he picked me up some amazing souvenier from Dallas, Texas-- while it is still part of the country and he doesn't have to report through customs. I'm excited to see him for obvious reasons but I am especially excited to finally figure out the meaning of his last email to me.
"Cee, please pick me up at the airport at 4:30pm tomorrow. So excited to see you. Please bring floss."
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Ok People. Time To Lower Your Expectations.
I feel that when people ask me what kind of law I want to practice, they expect me to say something inspiring and mind blowing. Like "I want to be an advocate for abused children." Or "I want to save the rainforest right down to the endangered toucan." Or even "I want to enforce social responsibility within publicly traded corporations."
When I tell them that I will probably end up defending insurance agencies and contractors, I can almost feel their disgust. I watch the look of disappointment slowly spread across their faces. How the darkness moves across their expectant stares, it's like watching a solar eclipse.
I finally became smart and started telling people that I haven't decided yet- which is partly true. While it's kind of a let-down, it at least leaves them the possibility that I MIGHT do something extraordinary with my law degree. You know, I haven't decided because I can't make up my mind whether I want to represent sexually abused immigrant workers or whether I want to help poor single mothers fight their custody/child support battles pro bono.
The thing is, I frequently have tug-of-wars with myself. There is a part of me that strives for socially conventional achievement. This side of me encouraged me to get straight A's, to win races at cross country meets, to go to law school to learn something that society considers "difficult" and to seek out a high paying career track. But there has always been another force withing me. This is a force of compassion- compelling me to devote my life to something bigger than myself, to constantly give to others, to dream of establishing or working for a non-profit, to live a life of service.
Law school is amazing in that you can pursue a high paying career or you can pursue a career of public service. A law degree gives you the opportunity to be a high achiever, a materialistic success. Or it can give you the opportunity to truly serve the community in an important way and have a huge impact on the lives of others.
So as I finish up my first semester of my 3L year, this battle still rages on inside me. Life of luxury? Or life of service? I can see myself doing both. What should I chose? I know I need intellectual challenges in the career that I eventually choose. I know I need to have an end product or some kind of result to my work at the end of the day.
Do I want to impress my dad by landing a sought-after position in a successful firm? Or do I want to impress my mom by serving the public and helping the less fortunate? Seriously, this is way to much pressure. Maybe all I really need is enough money to buy ice cream every night of the week. What's that? I have to put my kid through college? I'm screwed.
When I tell them that I will probably end up defending insurance agencies and contractors, I can almost feel their disgust. I watch the look of disappointment slowly spread across their faces. How the darkness moves across their expectant stares, it's like watching a solar eclipse.
I finally became smart and started telling people that I haven't decided yet- which is partly true. While it's kind of a let-down, it at least leaves them the possibility that I MIGHT do something extraordinary with my law degree. You know, I haven't decided because I can't make up my mind whether I want to represent sexually abused immigrant workers or whether I want to help poor single mothers fight their custody/child support battles pro bono.
The thing is, I frequently have tug-of-wars with myself. There is a part of me that strives for socially conventional achievement. This side of me encouraged me to get straight A's, to win races at cross country meets, to go to law school to learn something that society considers "difficult" and to seek out a high paying career track. But there has always been another force withing me. This is a force of compassion- compelling me to devote my life to something bigger than myself, to constantly give to others, to dream of establishing or working for a non-profit, to live a life of service.
Law school is amazing in that you can pursue a high paying career or you can pursue a career of public service. A law degree gives you the opportunity to be a high achiever, a materialistic success. Or it can give you the opportunity to truly serve the community in an important way and have a huge impact on the lives of others.
So as I finish up my first semester of my 3L year, this battle still rages on inside me. Life of luxury? Or life of service? I can see myself doing both. What should I chose? I know I need intellectual challenges in the career that I eventually choose. I know I need to have an end product or some kind of result to my work at the end of the day.
Do I want to impress my dad by landing a sought-after position in a successful firm? Or do I want to impress my mom by serving the public and helping the less fortunate? Seriously, this is way to much pressure. Maybe all I really need is enough money to buy ice cream every night of the week. What's that? I have to put my kid through college? I'm screwed.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
How Far I've Come: A Law School Journey In Self Confidence
I emailed my boss at the firm I worked for last summer asking him if he might need a legal intern for this summer. He talked it over with the other partners and then made me a job offer! I feel kind of bad landing this summer job when my friends who are graduating cannot find employment after law school. I feel really lucky that I have the opportunity to work at this firm again, that I can continue to build my relationship and rapport with the partners as well as continue to prove myself to them. The best part is that I genuinely like the firm. And the partners. And the associates. And the firm culture. And the cases they assign me.
But I don't feel like talking about the job because I don't want to make my graduating friends upset, even though I know they will be happy for me. How did I get so lucky? Really, why me? Why not my friend on law review? Or my friend on the Dean's List? Or my friend with experience working for a Big Firm? I think in law, a lot of opportunities do arise based upon your connections and who you know. Because I think you can be the smartest law student in the entire planet but if you don't have experience working on actual cases, if you don't have a pleasant or at least tolerable personality, or if you can't demonstrate your ability to work in a law firm atmosphere, then you are going to have a hard time.
I still can't decide if law firms like confidence that is borderline arrogance or if they prefer people willing to be trained. I am usually so timid and shy but I have to say that my legal work experience has boosted my cofidence in a way that law school never could. 1L year of lawschool made me feel like the tiniest organism to ever have lived. I felt so stupid and incompetent. My grades first semester reinforced those feelings. I went to law school with the goal of keeping my merit-based scholarship and making the Dean's List. After 1L year, my goal was to PASS.
Then I worked for a small law two-attorney law firm. I learned the ropes of carrying on a lawsuit and I perfected my legal research skills. I wrote memos and arguments and MY WORK was inserted into REAL motions. And motions were GRANTED based upon my research. I realized that "hey, I really CAN do this law stuff even though my grades are mediocre, at best." It's funny that my legal writing grade was just adequate and yet I went on to write arguments which eventually got my firm a win or two. It's true when they say law school is nothing like practice. You can suck at law school and still do great legal work.
I was surprised to learn that not only was I pretty OK at pretending to practice law, but I actually LIKED it! All this experience working for my hodunk, humble law firm gave me a huge confidence booster. This translated to a little more success in school (although grades are still mediocre). And my experience gave me the confidence to apply for a position in a law firm that is two steps up from hodunk. And with a paycheck that is three steps up from hodunk.
Now I am a 3L, and I feel pretty smart. I am miles away from the timid useless feeling 1L I used to be. I know what a Tort is. I know what a partner expects when he gives you a legal research assignment. I know how to write a motion. And a complaint. I know some very basic litigation strategy. I know how to write a law exam (it really IS a skill you have to learn). I know the importance of billing. And I feel that, armed with my trusty Westlaw account, there isn't a legal question that I cannot argue in my favor.
But I don't feel like talking about the job because I don't want to make my graduating friends upset, even though I know they will be happy for me. How did I get so lucky? Really, why me? Why not my friend on law review? Or my friend on the Dean's List? Or my friend with experience working for a Big Firm? I think in law, a lot of opportunities do arise based upon your connections and who you know. Because I think you can be the smartest law student in the entire planet but if you don't have experience working on actual cases, if you don't have a pleasant or at least tolerable personality, or if you can't demonstrate your ability to work in a law firm atmosphere, then you are going to have a hard time.
I still can't decide if law firms like confidence that is borderline arrogance or if they prefer people willing to be trained. I am usually so timid and shy but I have to say that my legal work experience has boosted my cofidence in a way that law school never could. 1L year of lawschool made me feel like the tiniest organism to ever have lived. I felt so stupid and incompetent. My grades first semester reinforced those feelings. I went to law school with the goal of keeping my merit-based scholarship and making the Dean's List. After 1L year, my goal was to PASS.
Then I worked for a small law two-attorney law firm. I learned the ropes of carrying on a lawsuit and I perfected my legal research skills. I wrote memos and arguments and MY WORK was inserted into REAL motions. And motions were GRANTED based upon my research. I realized that "hey, I really CAN do this law stuff even though my grades are mediocre, at best." It's funny that my legal writing grade was just adequate and yet I went on to write arguments which eventually got my firm a win or two. It's true when they say law school is nothing like practice. You can suck at law school and still do great legal work.
I was surprised to learn that not only was I pretty OK at pretending to practice law, but I actually LIKED it! All this experience working for my hodunk, humble law firm gave me a huge confidence booster. This translated to a little more success in school (although grades are still mediocre). And my experience gave me the confidence to apply for a position in a law firm that is two steps up from hodunk. And with a paycheck that is three steps up from hodunk.
Now I am a 3L, and I feel pretty smart. I am miles away from the timid useless feeling 1L I used to be. I know what a Tort is. I know what a partner expects when he gives you a legal research assignment. I know how to write a motion. And a complaint. I know some very basic litigation strategy. I know how to write a law exam (it really IS a skill you have to learn). I know the importance of billing. And I feel that, armed with my trusty Westlaw account, there isn't a legal question that I cannot argue in my favor.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Productively Pursuing A New Career Path
I dominated a table at Starbucks for five whole hours today while I finished up my Sales, Payment and Corporate Governance reading for tomorrow. I crammed to get as much done as possible during the window of time that Jacob played with Grandma Lumpia (husband's mom-she is Fillipina).
The problems are
1) Starbucks Lady keeps giving me dirty looks because it's been three hours since I have actually ordered something. Placing my old latte cup strategically in front of my table is not fooling her.
2) I can only study for 15 minutes before I need to get up and do something but I look rather silly walking in circles.
3) Five hours is not nearly enough time to finish all the homework for my five classes- I need TEN HOURS!
So I did what I could before rejoining the living and picking up my happy big-headed baby* from Grandma Lumpia's house. I got home at around 5:30pm and that's when my day actually started.
I got home and fed Jacob.
Then I made dinner,
gave Jacob a bath,
put him is his jammies,
started a load of laundry,
fed Jacob one last time,
put him to bed,
put the wet clothes in the dryer
cleaned the dishes,
made my lunch,
packed Jacob's diaper bag for tomorrow
AND
cleaned the breast pump!
I may have accomplished enough in four hours to suggest that I am on some kind of performance-enhancing drugs or perhaps a tiny bit of speed. BUT. There is still a stack of assigned reading sitting on my table haunting me. I swear it has grown a pair of big googly eyes like the "money you will save by switching to Geico" in those crazy Geico ads. I still won't get to it tonight.
So what is the point of doing all those chores if by neglecting my IMPORTANT work, my life is sent spiraling down the path of Flunking out of Law School. Causing me to never find a Job. Resulting in the Foreclosure of My Home. And reducing my family to scrounging food off the streets like rats? I could have saved myself the agony of law school and could already be enjoiying a career in street scrounging.
It's not me. It's the Crazy talking.
*We have started calling him Charlie Brown because of his big and hair-challenged head.
P.S. I'm so tired I had to edit this post six times for errors and grammar mistakes.
The problems are
1) Starbucks Lady keeps giving me dirty looks because it's been three hours since I have actually ordered something. Placing my old latte cup strategically in front of my table is not fooling her.
2) I can only study for 15 minutes before I need to get up and do something but I look rather silly walking in circles.
3) Five hours is not nearly enough time to finish all the homework for my five classes- I need TEN HOURS!
So I did what I could before rejoining the living and picking up my happy big-headed baby* from Grandma Lumpia's house. I got home at around 5:30pm and that's when my day actually started.
I got home and fed Jacob.
Then I made dinner,
gave Jacob a bath,
put him is his jammies,
started a load of laundry,
fed Jacob one last time,
put him to bed,
put the wet clothes in the dryer
cleaned the dishes,
made my lunch,
packed Jacob's diaper bag for tomorrow
AND
cleaned the breast pump!
I may have accomplished enough in four hours to suggest that I am on some kind of performance-enhancing drugs or perhaps a tiny bit of speed. BUT. There is still a stack of assigned reading sitting on my table haunting me. I swear it has grown a pair of big googly eyes like the "money you will save by switching to Geico" in those crazy Geico ads. I still won't get to it tonight.
So what is the point of doing all those chores if by neglecting my IMPORTANT work, my life is sent spiraling down the path of Flunking out of Law School. Causing me to never find a Job. Resulting in the Foreclosure of My Home. And reducing my family to scrounging food off the streets like rats? I could have saved myself the agony of law school and could already be enjoiying a career in street scrounging.
It's not me. It's the Crazy talking.
*We have started calling him Charlie Brown because of his big and hair-challenged head.
P.S. I'm so tired I had to edit this post six times for errors and grammar mistakes.
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