THINK OF YOURSELF

 

         In a "long-ago past", I was an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician). One of the first things we were taught was scene and personal safety. If we went running into a situation such as an unsecured domestic violence situation, we ran the risk of being a target and getting hurt, or worse, ourselves. The basic lesson was that if we allowed ourselves to get hurt and need help from other emergency personnel, we would only complicate and tax the situation.

 

Yes, in many ways it sounds selfish… and yes, there were times many of us ignored that part of the training. Sometimes the victim we needed to reach seemed too vulnerable, sometimes we misjudged the danger, sometimes we just got lucky… and sometimes WE became a PART OF THE PROBLEM.

 

In our lives, even out of emergency service, we need to judge our safety whenever we hear the call for help. It is especially difficult to turn our backs, because sometimes that is what it feels like, when we see someone who needs help. A parent will often, most times ALWAYS, do whatever they have to for their child, spouses, partners, friends, family… we all try to take on whatever we can. And sometimes giving EVERYTHING we've got will break us. I know when it comes to my husband and offspring, I will do and give everything I can. I think most of us will admit to that.

 

Sometimes though, as in EMS, running in without regard for our own safety will put us in a position of needing help and, in the long run, not being of any help to anyone. Most of us, thankfully, will never turn our backs, but we need to find a way to manage without destroying ourselves and becoming unable to help the ones we love.

 

When you find yourself challenged like this, don't be afraid to ask for help from others, family members and friends alike. Sometimes bearing the brunt of responsibility will prove to be too much. There are programs, outside of your family and friends, that might be able to assist in the care of your loved one — look into them. Don't turn down helping hands when they are offered. Make sure you have someone(s) to lean on for emotional AND PHYSICAL support when needed. And you are really NOT letting your loved one down just because you allowed someone to help you bear the burden.

 

So while you are loving and keeping busy to take care of others, be loving and caring about YOUSELF as well — because, simply, if YOU go down, who will pick up the slack?

 

What does FAMILY mean?

 

Family is more than just a biological connection. It's love and friendship, it's being there when you are needed… and sometimes when the other person doesn't even realize how much they need your comfort and support.

There's the nuclear family, the one you are born into, usually parents and children. Sometimes you are born into the hearts of your parents (adoption). When you are little, this family seems to be your whole world. If you are lucky there are aunts and uncles, cousins, maybe grandparents… As you grow your family takes on other forms, a marriage, your own children, in-laws, and sometimes close friends.

So how do you cope when the people you count on to be there for you as family turn their backs? How far do you push when the other person has no interest in BEING family? It's never easy to close the door on someone you called family, sometimes though they leave you no other options.

I have friends who have been abandoned by those they thought would be there for them in times of turmoil and it's sad. They've told me stories of being excluded from these people's lives and sometimes even getting arguments because they didn't acknowledge an event that they were never even told about.

Sometimes a person whom you accepted as family (maybe they married in) and continued to think of them that way even after the actual blood connection has been lost, may feel the need to "divorce" themselves from that side of the family. It's heartbreaking to lose yet another family member, but there is really nothing you can do about it.

Cling to those who hold you dear and don't waste time on those who seem to have simply forgotten you. Focus on the people who surround you with love and caring, and who allow you in when they need some love and caring as well. THAT is your family.

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Friendships and Other Interests

 

No two people are living the same life — actually if they are there is something truly “suspicious” going on. We each have our own priorities, likes, dislikes and responsibilities. Some may have family members that another person doesn’t (spouse, children, siblings, etc.) and therefore interests and obligations may not be the same. But… what is the same is the desire to live one’s life, enjoy even the little things, to know love, to want happiness, and to truly feel alive.

 

When someone has a problem, whether or not that predicament is as important to you, doesn’t mean that you know how much someone else is allowed to feel or not. And your experiences, no matter how similar you believe them to be, are NOT the same and that other person does not need to react, feel and believe the same way you do. What is even worse is not really caring how the other person feels and not even trying to.

 

YOU are entitled to be thrilled with the joys in your life and even to share your enthusiasm with others. You need to remember though that you are not the only person in the world, not everyone has to be enthralled with your joys or the things that excite you. At the same time, you do not have a right to minimize another’s joy and enthusiasm. Friendship, love, caring — it’s all give AND take. It’s being considerate of someone else’s feelings.

 

By all means, share your joys, but don’t let it reach the point where you are literally shoving your happiness and blessings upon someone who may be made to feel less for not having what you have. Accept that everyone comes from a different “place” and yours is not the only one that matters. If you and a friend are talking (is it really you AND?) about everything that makes YOU happy and then that friend wants to share some of his own joy, take the time to listen just as they did for you.

 

Think about it honestly. How would you feel if the person you call friend lets you know they just aren’t interested in the things that you hold most dear? Take the time to think of others… and yes, if necessary, eliminate (or at least reduce) those from your life who take you for granted.

 

Daily Prompt ~ Triumph ~ #MondayBlogs

I found a terrific writing site (thanks to my friend Sugana) — The Daily Post: Daily Prompts provides a NEW daily prompt every day to give every writer a way to put a spark in her/his creativity. I decided to join this group every so often...

Today's Prompt is TRIUMPH

The definition of Triumph: [noun] a great victory or achievement; [verb] achieve a victory; be successful

It’s a hard thing for many of us to acknowledge our successes, our triumphs. So many of us lack the ability to see ourselves as successful and worthy. One of the professions that is often known for wearing our self-doubts is that of a writer. …yours truly is a writer, a novelist and journalist.

When I find myself in a funk and I need encouragement I can nudge people close to me and wrangle compliments from their lips to feed my fragile ego, but then I feel bad that I’ve gone “fishing”. Something else I do, especially late at night when it just wouldn’t be right to telephone someone just for a little ego soothing, is make a list of any and all things I’ve done that I am proud about. Maybe I am just being kind to myself but I often come up with a lengthy list (and no I am not posting it, bragging is not something I am comfortable with).

Now I don’t know if others would agree with the things I feel some success about — I know for a fact that not everyone holds the same values that I do. Surely I would fall flat if someone only looks at a stunning figure or the grand dame of the manor; I really don’t care though because those values don’t impress me. I guess there is a bit of conceit in that I do not do the things I do to impress others, I do something because I feel it is the right thing to do and hopefully benefits those around me.

I see value in family relationships and the respect that a parent gets from his/her children. I see value in a long term marriage. I see value when someone gets up and keeps on going even after being struck down by some misfortune. And most of all I see value when someone has touched other lives to make them, even a little bit, better.

On my list I do have references to my marriage, my children and my writing. While I rarely get satisfaction from extolling my own virtues, I do very much enjoy a bit of bragging about my husband and my children, people that I truly admire and respect. 

My husband has always been determined, never takes the easy way if it isn’t the right way, he has always worked hard whether it’s a job or a personal quest, and he has always put his family first. My offspring have grown into remarkable human beings, both give of themselves to others, they are intelligent and capable.

Collectively as first responders and educators my husband and children have saved lives, comforted those in need, put out fires, and given others the means to do the same. And it always seems whatever these people decide to tackle, they have a can do attitude that always comes through. More than anything each one of them CARES. I can only hope that they take at least a little pride in me, it would truly be only a portion of what I feel for them.

Not every accomplishment is earth shattering, few will be considered newsworthy. But each accomplishment is our own whether we wish to brag or stay quiet

What are you proud of today?

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