NEWLY RELEASED...

...in the now-moribund CD format is this Fine Album.


[Click to embiggen.]

Naw, I’m just kidding. This one is unavailable in stores... or pretty much anywhere else. It’s the product of a cute little PhotoShop-based meme Libby has been trying to propagate.

Create Your Own Album Cover!

It’s simple, especially if you have PhotoShop or some other image-editing software. Here’s all you do:

1. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The title of the article is the name of your band.
   
2. Now go to http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last few words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your album.
   
3. Finally, go to http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days, where the third picture - no matter what it is - will be your album cover.
   
4. Use PhotoShop (or any similar image-tinkering app) to put it all together.
   
5. Post the result on your blog.

Clever, no?

I’m not tagging anyone with this, but if it’s your cup of tea, have at it. What I find amusing is that this random approach yields results that would look perfectly at home in the Remainder Rack of your local music shoppe. Say, does anyone still actually buy CD’s any more?

Update: Just for shits ’n’ grins, I did a second one:


[Click to embiggen.]

Hey, this is fun!

ANOTHER STUPID-ASS MEME

You’ve seen this one before, I’m sure, floating around the ’Sphere like a gassy turd in the Porcelain Punchbowl. I have seen it in any number of places, most recently here at Pammy’s crib. But what the hell: I’ll play.

1. My uncle once: appeared - as himself- in a Sabrina the Teenage Witch comic book.
   
   
2. Never in my life: have I known the singular pleasure of eating a balut.
   
   
3. When I was five: I remember with crystalline clarity waking up on the morning of my fifth birthday. It was, coincidentally, the day the Russians launched Sputnik.
   
   
4. High school was: mainly lengthy periods of utter boredom broken by occasional moments of sheer terror. Or stupidity.
   
   
5. I will never forget: ol’ What’s His Name.
   
   
6. Once I met: Kitty Carlisle Hart...who, by strange coincidence, actually knew my Dad (Eli, hizzownself) and had had dinner with him and Missus Eli in Paris (as related here).
   
   
7. There’s this girl I know: who can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. No, I don’t really know her. But I remember her.
   
   
8. Once, at a bar: I drank a Whisky Drink. Shocking!
   
   
9. By noon, I’m usually: ready to start working.
   
   
10. Last night: I attended a wine tasting (the September Guild Event) and gulped down samples of thirteen different wines. All but one were produced from the Zinfandel grape, and all but one were superb.
    
    
11. If only I had: a time machine.
    
    
12. Next time I go to church: won’t be any time soon, unless you count the Jew-Church.
    
    
13. What worries me most: is the relentless march of time.
    
    
14. When I turn my head left I see: a photograph of SWMBO and her family in front of our first house in Houston. It’s an 11 x 14" enlargement made from a 4 x 5" Ektachrome transparency taken with a hand-held Speed Graphic, circa 1978. That was the house we would later sell to Houston Steve, in a cosmically unlikely coincidence described here.
    
    
15. When I turn my head right I see: the daybed in our computer room, and a small table piled with CD’s and blank discs.
    
    
16. You know I’m lying when: my mouth is moving I raise my eyebrows ever so slightly. Which is why I can’t lie to SWMBO.
    
    
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: my mother and my father-in-law, neither of whom made it into the Nineties.
    
    
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Puck...for the double-entendre possibilities.
    
    
19. By this time next year: I'll be another year older.
    
    
20. A better name for me would be: Frunobulax, Lord of the Galaxy...except that sounds too much like a medicament to loosen the bowels.
    
    
21. I have a hard time understanding: people who talk with their mouths full of marbles. Demosthenes, this means you!
    
    
22. If I ever go back to school: Shoot me.
    
    
23. You know I like you if: I spend more than two minutes conversing with you.
    
    
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the person handing me the award.
    
    
25. Take my advice: Don’t ever stick your dick in the pickle slicer.
    
    
26. My ideal breakfast is: sushi at the Tsukiji Fish Market in Tokyo. Failing that, smoked fish and bagels at the Local Bagel and Smoked Fish Emporium. Whitefish, baked salmon, Nova Scotia smoked salmon, belly lox, sable, pickled herring...
    
    
27. A song I love but do not have is: “Shine On Brightly” by Procol Harum. Wait: I have that one. And pretty much all the other songs I love.
    
    
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: make a pilgrimage to the ancestral home of the Baldwin brothers. Prepare to be unimpressed.
    
    
29. Why won’t people: realize that if I were king, the world would be a better place? For me, anyway.
    
    
30. If you spend a night at my house: you won’t starve or lack for Adult Beverages.
    
    
31. I’d stop my wedding so: I could savor the moment. It was a blast.
    
    
32. The world could do without: Ahmadinejad, militant Islam, and people who take themselves way too seriously.
    
    
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: lick the bellies of two cockroaches. WTF kind of a question is this?
    
    
34. My favorite blonde(s) is/are: What is this “blonde” of which you speak?
    
    
35. Paper clips are more useful than: tits on a boar. In fact, pretty much anything is more useful than tits on a boar. Remember that.
    
    
36. If I do anything well it’s: quite by accident.
    
    
37. I can’t help but: think that there are better ways to spend half an hour besides writing this tripe.
    
    
38. I usually cry: when I drop an anvil on my foot. Wait - that was the Mistress of Sarcasm who did that. To her foot. Last week.
    
    
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: If at work you’d avoid / Creating a stink / Then don’t dip your pen / In the company ink.
    
    
40. And by the way: Should you feel the urge to create your own version of this little Useless Memely Item, don’t blame me. Links, however, are always welcome.
    

WHO KNEW?

Got this snazzy little gadget from Leslie. It purports to give you some idea of how much Vile Language is on one’s site. Lookee:


Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Gee...who knew?

DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU

Generate your own Error Message here.

Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Karen for the link.

DAMNED WITH FAINT PRAISE

I see that Miss Erica, the Wiseass Jooette herownself, has tagged me with this fine award:



Yes, it’s the “I Am A Little Nutty” Award: a squirrel humping a pine cone, rampant on a field of blancmange.

I’ve seen this meme floating around the Bloggy-Sphere these past few weeks, and I knew it was only a matter of time before it showed up on my doorstep.

Can’t imagine why, though.

[What does it take to be tagged a Bull Goose Looney around here, anyway? Do I have to link to actual photographs of Human Stool? Publish my Colonoscopy Pics? I’m just sayin’.]

EAT MY SHORTS

More Bart Simpson chalkboard fun here.

Hey! Waitaminnit! I can have the little sucker pimp my book!



Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Karen of verbatim for the link.

CHECK YOUR LOCAL NEWSSTAND

If you see this on sale, burn it down.


Elisson makes the cover of Time.

You can create your own stupid-ass Fake Magazine Covers at MagMyPic.com.

Yes, I know: All the Kool Kidz are doing it.

Tip o’ th’ Elisson colander fedora to Karen of verbatim.

IT’S A SICKNESS

NameThatDisease.com - Test your disease knowledge

Maybe I shoulda gone to medical school after all. I got 15 out of 15 questions right, never needing more than the first clue. Doogie Fucking Howser, indeed.

It’s worth it to take the quiz just to see some of the revolting images. Admit it...you know you want to see Mrs. Leprosy-Face.

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to the Confabulator for the link.]

NO SURPRISES HERE

I suspect what this means is that I am a Know-It-All Dickhead with a few social skills.

From Denny.

BEVERAGE DU JOUR

You Are Prune Juice

Dark, rich, and with plenty of body, you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet. Or deep and complex. But mostly, you’re weird. A small dose of you and people have to run and take a dump...no wonder you’re so popular. You pack more fiber than a stand of old-growth oak trees. Deep down you are: Dependable. Because people who hang with you need Depends™. Your partying style: Loud and obnoxious, alternating with periods of quiet surliness. Your company is enjoyed best with: Bran muffins, All-Bran™ cereal.

What Kind of Beverage Are You?

Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Chickie for the link.

IN UR BLOG, TRANZLATIN’ UR POSTZ

Stupidity - always near to hand, in my case - is now a simple mouse-click away with this handy-dandy LOLCat Translator.

Just type in your text, and the LOLCat Translator will...aw, you know. Handy for those of us who are having trouble mastering the intricacies of this wonderfully idiotic new syntax.

Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Karen of verbatim for the link. And the post title, for that matter.

MY INNER NEW YORKER

Herewith another stupid Bloggy Quiz, courtesy of RSM via Parkway Rest Stop Jimbo.

You Belong in Brooklyn

Down to earth and hard working, you're a true New Yorker. And your friends in Georgia will never let you forget your roots, no matter how hard you might try (“Yew ain’t from around heah, boah, are yew?”) Brooklyn’s definitely the borough for you. Lotsa Jews there.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

It only makes sense. After all, I was born there...although the thought of living in Brooklyn today makes me want to drive tenpenny nails into my head.

RATE THIS

Mingle² - What’s my blog rated?

From the inimitable Velociman comes this latest Stupid-Ass Doo-Dad that purports to give your blog the MPAA Rating Smackdown.

The basis for my NC-17 rating? Here ’tis:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• hell (11x)


• schmutschkie (10x)


• crap (8x)


• ass (7x)


• fucking (5x)


• doodie (4x)


• dead (3x)


• meat (3x)


• pee-pee (2x)


• weenus (2x)


• pudendum (1x)


• frint (1x)


• whoo-ah (1x)


• ankylosing spondylitis (1x)


• Zonker (1x)

What a crock of shit excrement doodie poo. It’s censorship, I tells ya!

WARNING LABEL

No surprise, this...

PARENTAL

ADVISORY

BLOG D'ELISSON CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

[Snarfed up from Kel at Mom is Nutz.]

CALL ME TEX

I generally look at Blogthings like I would look at an enema bag filled with hot maple syrup...but I could not resist this one, which comes our way courtesy of the Yabster:

You Are 56% Texas

At first, you seem Texan... but just because a chicken has wings don’t mean it can fly. On the other hand, maybe it just means that your Damn Yankee husband has corrupted your soul over the course of thirty years.

Just How Frickin’ Texas Are You?

OK, I’m not the one who is 56% Texas. That would be She Who Must Be Obeyed, a native of Foat Wuth, and she would have scored higher had it not been for my baleful Noo Yawk influence. Me, I hit only 16% on the Tex-O-Meter, with what little score I have thanks largely to my love for spicy food and the fact that I know enough to not have an appetite for Cow Pie.

But Texas, thanks to SWMBO, is now and forever a part of me. And I’ve got the hat, boots, and Big-Ass Belt Buckle to prove it.

MR. DEBONAIR, TALMID CHOCHAM

(“Talmid Chocham” is a Yiddish term meaning “Talmud Scholar,” in case you were curious.)

Courtesy of Notes from Nancy’s Noodle, here’s one of those Stupid-Ass Quizzes that is making the rounds.

This one touts itself as the “Ultimate Bible Quiz.” Well, I don’t know about that, but it was pretty challenging - mainly because more than half of it concerned itself with the New Testament, which falls outside of what we Jooooz study in religious school. That knowledge is stuff I picked up from (1) osmosis, (2) Gideon bibles, and (3) American popular culture.

As for the questions drawn from the Hebrew Bible (what many of y’all call the Old Testament), those were easy for someone who reads that book in the Original Language several times a week.

But enough Egotistical Tub-Thumping. Here are the results...

You know the Bible 92%!

 

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Boo-yah!