My parents were my first Authority-figures in my life. And since I was taught to “respect my elders” I believed that all older people have a Authority. As I grew up I held on to this belief subconsciously. If I look closer now - whenever I was in the presence of “my elders” there was a hint a fear, because of when I was a child I was taught to show my manners and respect them, otherwise I would get into trouble.
The word Authority was linked with fear and helplessness. I myself had no authority since I believed myself to be inferior to others based on the perception and idea that “my elders” have more value/superior to me since I had to respect them but they did not have to respect me since I am just a child.
An example would be the following: When I was alone I would be a certain way, when I was around friends I would be a certain way. When I was around “my elders” for example talking to parents and older people I would act very differently. I was not really aware of these changes. I did not stop and look to see what I was doing and why. I was not even aware of the fear I had. What I did know is that I did not like speaking to “my elders”, because I was never comfortable with it. Now I can see why. Primarily because, the respect/manners in relation to adults/elders are “demanded / taught” – the child then “acts like the parents demand” and so, every time I was around adults/elders – I put on the act of manners/respect. Obviously, with my friends and when I was alone – I was also in characters/personalities, this is how we function in the world: dependent on the people/hierarchy/environment: we put on different acts/characters/personalities. Which within this, makes one wonder: do we really then in fact know who we are if we change/act dependent on where/with who we are???
So, I assumed a role/character that I created long ago based on what I was taught and my perception and beliefs of what I taught. That I as a child have no authority – parents do and teachers do. I as a child must listen and be “a good boy”. And that is what I did from childhood. Now when do you stop being a child and start becoming an elder that must be respected by kids? When do you join that club?
Sure my body is aging and growing, but where does the authority come in? Nobody really taught me authority. I did not have a class named Authority 101. In school we learn that teachers and the headmaster have the Authority – not us children. I Never had the opportunity to learn Authority. Only after living here on the farm did I have the opportunity to experience Authority within myself. Which I will cover in my next blog, and within this see what Authority means within the principle of/as a Living Word.
When I was a kid I was taught to respect my elders. I never asked why, but I had to respect my elders. Whenever I meet the parents of my friends I had to greet them “Tannie” and “Oom”. That’s Afrikaans. Directly translated it means Aunt and Uncle, but it is used even though you are not related. In English terms it is equivalent to Mister or Miss, Mrs.
This was considered good manners and showing respect. If I did not greet this way I would get into trouble, so the only reason I did this was to not get into trouble – out of fear. All kids greeted this way. What it showed me is that my elders are more than me – I had to respect them, but they did not have to respect me, because I am just a kid. For me that is when I learned that people older than me has more value than me. Superiority and Inferiority.
Like so many things in my life back then I did not question this. I did not ask or wonder why I must respect my elders. I only accepted the answer “ It’s good manners” – Why is it good manners? “ It’s the way it is”. That is not an answer. The better answer was that older people went through life longer than I did and thus they need to be respected for that, but that is still not a valid reason. Calling an elder by their name was very disrespectful.
If someone actually did something – like save a puppy from a burning building – Respect. Or someone rescuing a person that was busy drowning – Respect. A group of people finding practical solutions to end suffering – Respect. Respecting people that are older than you just because they lived longer and it’s good manners is not real respect. It is actually Inequality. It promotes the idea that elders and children are not Equals.
I am not saying we all should be mean to our elders – no. Simply that using fear to enforce superiority is not the way forward. A change in starting point is required.
Children, parents – older people: we all come from the same ‘physical substance’ and are all equal/one in terms of physicality and so are All other beings on this earth also unified within physicality/physical substance. No one has more ‘life’ / ‘physicality’ than another. Respect is that we respect life, the physical – this physical existence. We consider our actions and the consequences thereof and how it will influence another life. Respect that we are in fact equals and none are more than another. The only “problem” we as humanity have that is promoting inequality/separation is the Mind/Consciousness and how we “perceive” ourselves and others through it that we do not consider our “physical equality and oneness” and how there are more important things in life/living (like getting the human mind and life on earth sorted out) than placing value into how you “greet someone”.
This way there is no fear needed. No superiority and inferiority. No senseless manners that promotes inequality. I would have liked this – it’s common sense.
