just because...

I know you will be pissed if you read this post, but...yeahh..this was once upon a time

The sacrifice I made that wasn't worth it...a part that I want to erase but can never be

the men in my life...

The men in my life are never sincere, they will treat me extra nice, be extra romantic when they wanted something or need my help. True man, will be himself and they know how to treat the lady right.

The men in my life are mostly jerk, lying about me being the only one but they have someone else either nearby or far away. In this case, I will back away because I do not want to waste my time and someone who think full of himself...thinking girls have to fight for his love, this men are called coward.

The men in my life do not practice and perform the solat or fasting in Ramadhan, only a few did. Thus, I can say that nowadays most men are not fit to be a leader, a father, a husband.

The men in my life take me for granted, date me and be with me only because their girlfriend is far and they are lonely. Although I am patient about it, I never forget. Later they will look for me and tell me how sorry they were, how stupid they were, how much in love they are with me now that I'm no longer with them.

The men in my life thought me to never trust anyone except my family, they thought me that family will be there through thick and thin, through make ups and break ups. To grow up, to be patient, to be extra careful because someone may seem sweet outside but pure bastard inside. Sometimes selfish is a must because no one will love you more like you love yourself.

The men in my life were never loyal, thus I well prepared if anything happens...I believe not to do harm to others so that others will not do harm to you, but if they do...Allah swt is just. What goes around comes around, what goes up must comes down. Never settle for one man until you are finally married.

The men in my life always tell me what to do, wanted me to make daily report but when I ask them how they feel if I were to do the same thing, they just don't know what to say...they wanted me to obey their rules but never mine. In this, I will say inequality! Thus, I am more strict now and stand up everytime or debate on what I think is ridiculous.

aching heart

translate: I miss you, but you are too far...eventhough I could hear your voice but it is still not the same, and, it doesnt cure my heart ache for you...

in quest for true love

Been thinking a lot today...looking back, I fall in love without thinking because to me it is the matter of heart, no thinking needed...just do it. I was wrong, I should have think it through not just follow my heart desire. I am done being loyal when it comes to love...I should and need to be loyal to the one I shall marry. For now, I shall open my mind and heart...falling in love as much as I can until I found the one. 

I'm not afraid to fall in love, I'm just afraid of hitting the ground when its over. 

Find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest, lips that will kiss you in both instances, and a heart that will love you at your worst. Only then will you have found your true love.

You're going to fall in love so many times before you find the one you will be with forever. So think of it this way: You're just one broken heart to a happily forever after.

finally you showed up...because I..

bitterheart

Forgiving is something I no longer care for, it's a lie with saying that forgiving makes your heart feel at ease.  To me, forgiving makes my heart grow colder, hatred thicken. It's best if I just forget the people who make me cry and erase them from my memory rather than I forgave them and keep building the hatred.  Hatred makes people do crazy and unthinkable things.

From this day forward, I shall take care of my own heart, cuz the fact that no one will but I'm alone will.  People will forget you once they get what they want, that is just how it works.  I'm not building negative thinking, I just live in the real world and not being fake believing in fairy tales.  Fairy tales are made because the world is cruel, but luckily this world is just temporary...most important is you do all good things for Akhirah/the afterlife. Insha Allah..

aidilfitri 2012

Ahad ni kalau tak de aral melintang...semua umat Islam bole sambut HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.

Eventhough sadness still surround me and I never quite forget, I will try to put on happy face and celebrate raya joyfully... I just realize I'm getting good at hiding my sadness, great!

Okay, I'm off to Pontian, Johor for raya.  SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

what i need is...

fail me not this time

Making decisions is a constant struggle to me.  I'm good at making decisions for others but not for me especially when it comes to matter of the heart.  It is stressful and although I've resorted to listing the goods and the bads, it doesn't really convince me to settle to one final answer.  Now, I only choose what makes me happy now, and I don't know that the right decision will make me happy later.  But I'm a firm believe to when life gives you lemon, you make a lemonade out of it.

Love life will have to wait.  Long to say these words to the one.

"where have you been all this time? I am almost tired of waiting...wish you'd come sooner, then I 

don't have to suffer of broken hearts..."

 Oh how I wish I could say these words soon.

time doesn't heal

It's been awhile dear blog... I don't mean to abandon you.  It's just that I have no idea what to share, I've been an empty can for awhile.  Been pathetic I know...in these down days I prefer laying low, don't feel like sharing and prefer to be on my own.

Broken heart takes most time to heal.  Will never forget for the rest of my life, those moments will occasionally come back, they doesn't go away in time, it's not true...no matter how hard you try to let go, it will keep coming back because it gives such a big impact in your life, especially when someone does change you even for a moment.

Time doesn't heal, this wound will never heal, all you can do is to held your heads high and move forward.  Think of the people who still care about you.

blessed and thankful

 Alhamdulillah, I do not feel as hell as ever whenever I get my heart broken because now my new love is my career.  Usually when I'm down, I seek my friends for comfort and if they are not around, when I'm all alone I would cry my heart out.  Now that my time is occupied by work in mind, I don't feel sad 24/7.  I could busy myself with work and not playing the WHY game.  

Of course there are times, especially on my way to and back from work and the time before I fall asleep that I quietly cry.  It's been a month and I don't know when this will be finally over.  Heartbroken has made my mood swings, a close friend notices and guess that I've break up with the guy because she said I fake my smile and laugh and distance myself more often.  Being back home in JB with my family is definitely an instance cure, though I'm not fully recovered, I'm thankful I have my family and friends to back me up.  I'm truly blessed.  Thank you ALLAH swt.

April 2012

April is almost over, I am still hoping for only Allah knows what, of you.
Heart broken, hopes gone, dreams crash and burn.
Thank you for making me stronger.
(in case you read this, you know who you are)

bullshitters be warned

Nothing much happen this past few weeks in April. Aside from living a new life in a same old place, everything is pretty much the same. Oh, scratch that, I'm now struggling to better my life by forgiving and forget. Can't really say that I've reached the forgiving state but I'm slowly able to forget. Just my luck to encounter so many fucking bullshitters in my life. Love is not something that you can promise and trash. It's not a playground for idiot for try and error. It's a matter of heart, something so fragile and easily break. Don't forget this, what goes around comes around..I've nothing against you yet you lay your shits on me. Why????

I've yet found someone who can be as sincere as me and true to their words. But one thing for sure, I will not trust people again. NEVER AGAIN!!!!

I've not giving up on love just yet. Please let the next person be the one I can spend the rest of my life with.amin.

ps: feel like shooting all past bullshitters in the face. Pls grant me a license to kill.

01042012

1 April 2012

Beginning of a new chapter in my life.

I am so ready to spread my wings and embark on a new journey.

i turn to YOU and only YOU

When you are in low point of your life and no one you can count on...

Turn to ALLAH swt.  HE is always there for you when no one have time to listen to you.  HE is the only one who are capable to help you.  Don't turn your back on HIM.

turning 25

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”

I think too much...

Just randomly browsing 9gag,when...

I do this a lot because I feel so insecure.  If you happen to read this, please don't left me, help me get through this... I just need faith and trust plus some time to get better.

my 2011 review

Alhamdulillah 2011 is almost over. I can’t believe I got through this year safely.LOL.

2011 left with bittersweet memories.

This is the year, which I lose someone whom I thought would be my best friend forever and turned out she’s a backstabber with multiple masks only to hide her true awful self. I really ought to kick myself for believing in her and almost ignore my mom’s advice about getting too attached to her. It started small then it turned out big. If only there’s a bigger sign in the beginning. She played me well and for that I can’t forgive her. She’s out of my life and for that ALHAMDULILLAH. I’m through, don’t want to think of her or talk about her or see her and I banned her forever. Yet, I feel obligated telling closest people that the she and I share relationship with. I feel sorry for those who haven’t been played by her. But then again, I think it’s not my place. I don’t want to be in the same level as her. She is low enough. Sometimes I feel that she chose to stab me in the back because I’m an easy target. She knew I love her and our friendship that she took the chance and left me feeling dumb. Early 2011 started awful but the awfulness gradually subsides

Enough about her already, this post is not about her…it’s my review of the year 2011.

the wait

The wait is only worth it when you know what exactly you are waiting for. If you can’t see what is at the end of the journey, then there is no point in waiting.