I Think I've Read Enough...

I stopped reading this article after the first sentence:

No topic is liable to prompt a fist fight among mothers so rapidly as breast-feeding.

If there's one thing I'm sick to death of it's having to make my way to work every day through streets clogged with rival factions of motherhood locked in mortal combat while waging their interminable "milk wars."

Enough, already!

Recommended Reading

Here's an article from the New York Times Magazine about an apparent Japanese "phenomenon." You probably figure it has, at the very least, some relation to the truth. You are dead wrong. Some fact-checking and reaction to the NYT story on anime fetishists.

I confess that in the early days of this blog I was guilty of similar shit. I wasn't on the payroll of The New York Times, though.

Hollywood's Left Wing Agenda...

If the title of this post isn't enough to make you spew beer (or your latte) all over your keyboard in wonder-struck hilarity, maybe you should head over to Big Hollywood for some real guffaws.

See, for example, The Top 5 Conservative Characters on "Lost", and wonder to yourself, is this a joke? There are people out there who give a shit about how characters in a fucking TV show might vote? Really? Sadly, yes.

There's much more, of course, but I won't bore you with the sorry details. You can check it out for yourself and come to to your own conclusions. You should probably also check out this post at Kung Fu Monkey [Note: Link fixed 1/22] if you want to get some sense of how things really work in Hollywood.

I'm going to go off on a tangent for a moment or two. Clearly these conservative idiots have no understanding of what constitutes "drama." Don't get me wrong. It's not necessary to have read Aristotle's Poetics to have an intuitive idea of dramatic concepts like "recognition" and "reversal" (for example). In fact, just reading the terms is probably enough to evoke a pretty good theory of what they mean from anybody who's actually watched any sort of dramatic presentation. It gets a bit thornier with concepts like "plot" and "character," and this is where these conservative "critics" show themselves for the un-cultured assholes that they really are.

(Aristotle, by the way, laid out the template for pretty much everything we recognize as "drama" even today. However he, wrongly I think, assigned more importance to "plot" than to "character". A great strength of "Lost," for example, is its meticulous attention to both. I would also include the newer version of "Battlestar Galactica" in any list of good TV shows. I remember very clearly watching the movie Reservoir Dogs at around the same time I was studying Greek drama and the Poetics. I was completely fucking floored. It's one of my favorite movies of all-time. It's a bloody Greek tragedy!)

I remember a few years ago somebody tried to do a hack job on The English Patient by comparing it with Casablanca, the basic beef being that the main character in the more recent movie tells the Nazis what they want to know in a desperate attempt to save his lover, whereas Bogie sacrifices his personal interest in order to fight the Nazis (well, something like that--I'm working from memory). I think both movies are great, and I think both movies are "true" (in an artistic sense--they both speak to some human truth). I think a typical TV-watching, movie-going person has absolutely no fucking problem whatsoever with the moral and ethical dilemmas posed in a good dramatic presentation. Only a fucking retard would walk out of The English Patient thinking to himself, "What a fucking sissy commie wimp, talking to the Nazis for a piece of tail." Nor would anyone leave Casablanca thinking "Man, that Rick is a fucking loser, I would have so nailed her ass."

Now that I'm going, I'm reminded also of Homer's Iliad and Odyssey, and Virgil's Aneid. And really, this brings us directly to what the Big Hollywood site would like to see: propaganda. They would like to see productions that glorify their view of the world, their achievements (whatever conservatism's achievements might possibly be...), their worldview. But wait...

Homer and Virgil? What the fuck am I talking about? I'll tell you what the fuck I'm talking about, and I'll tell you because I've had the benefit of a liberal arts education and because I've read this stuff and it's secondary literature, and because I'm not just making funny noises out of my asshole.

Homer (it's very questionable whether "Homer" was a single individual, but that's irrelevant for the purpose at hand) told stories. He told stories that he'd had passed down to him, and he likely embellished those stories with things he thought might be interesting to those listening. Homer is especially famous for telling the story of The Trojan War and the story of Odysseus and his voyage home after the war. You know that (I hope). Homer told (well, actually, he sang) his stories in bars and pubs and such for food and drink. Homer was an artist.

Virgil was an artist, too. (I don't want to diminish the importance and sheer skill of Virgil in the following. He had a tough boss, though.) Virgil had the (arguably) good fortune to be in the employ of Augustus Caesar. Virgil was basically instructed to write a poem glorifying (and justifying) the origins of the Roman Empire. He did a damned good job (although he plagiarized Homer almost unforgivably). Such a good job that, a couple of thousand years later, most people don't recognize it as an early piece of propaganda. (Let the evil comments begin!) Apocryphally (i.e. I read it somewhere, but I'm getting too drunk to verify it), Virgil, on his deathbed, instructed that the Aneid be destroyed.

As I think I've suggested above, most people can distinguish between "art" (something that, somehow, imparts some human truth) and propaganda (something that attempts to tell you the "correct" way to do or think about something.). The mere idea that somebody, somewhere, thinks I should be watching this or that material is, in and of itself, extremely offensive.

"Lost" is not a "conservative" show, you incompetent fucking idiot.

[UPDATE: See also alicublog and Sadly, No!.]

Go to Hell, Please

I'm trying to wrap my mind around this: A New York Times reporter writes that Donald Trump's "true worth lies in the millions of dollars, rather than in the billions as the mogul maintains."

In retaliation, Trump sues the reporter for 5 billion dollars. What a dick.

[Via FARK]

Whatever

Would I be a bad person if I said that world economic collapse meant nothing to me?

World economic collapse means nothing to me.

Destroy All Monsters-Bored

I'm serious.

The Triumph of the Communists

Free markets, capitalism, responsibility, my fucking ass. George W. Bush is a fucking commie! Commie, commie, commie! Everyone, and I mean everyone who benefits from this is a fucking commie! Commie, commie, commie! Commie traitors!

Ahh, fuck it...

From the Ministry of Silly Walks

Where to begin with this piece of dreck from The Guardian's website that attempts to smear atheists while promoting... something. This is probably all you need to read:

[...] I don't have a spiritual bone in my body; but what I am, is religious. I believe, literally, in the God of the Old Testament, whom I understand as the Lord of the Jews and the Protestants. I'm a Christian Zionist, as well as a Christian feminist and a Christian socialist. But over the past two decades, almost without me knowing it, the Christian part has become the most important.

Whatever.

Wrong

I came across this piece of silliness this morning, entitled Is Atheism Only a Bundle of Sentiments? Some highlights:

--Atheism is more "a bundle of sentiments than a coherent doctrine."
Here we have a nice bit of dopey vagueness. By "sentiment" does the author mean "view" or "opinion"? If so, then he's simply stating the obvious: atheism is not, in fact, a "doctrine." Christianity and other religions are doctrines (from the Latin, doctrina, "teaching, learning") which require indoctrination. Religion is a learned set of beliefs and behaviors; atheism is the "default" setting of all humans. Calling atheism a doctrine is simply a childish bit of "projection" on the part of theists.

--Atheism "requires more faith than Christianity."
Nonsense. Atheism is, in large part, the complete lack of faith in a particular doctrine ("God exists"). It would be truer to say that atheism requires more reason than Christianity. Being an atheist requires no special effort or act of will on my part. Devout theists, however, seemingly have to keep reminding themselves that they believe in God.

--Atheists "are often very angry at the God they claim does not exist."
Logically, an atheist can't be angry at a God he doesn't believe in. This statement does, though, represent a certain type of individual--someone who is having a "crisis of faith," or even perhaps someone who is in transition. I have no doubt that people like this exist (I'm reminded of certain characters in Dostoevsky), but they are not atheists (not yet, anyway).

--"Back in my days as an atheist, [...] I rejected Christianity largely because it would not have allowed me to continue getting drunk and high every night while splitting time between four girlfriends."
Wow. Where to begin with this steaming little pile of shit? First of all, notice how the author tries to deceive with his choice of words--he didn't reject God, he rejected Christianity. Nope, not an atheist. Notice also how he equates "immoral" behavior with atheism, as if there have never been any "evil" believers or "saintly" atheists. (I suppose he was also a communist during this atheistic interlude.) In fact, I would argue that this sounds more like "Satanism" than atheism: a conscious rejection of Christian morality in favor of a hedonistic, egoistic lifestyle. Whatever. The fact that his morality (even at that point in his life) ultimately derives from Christian doctrine shows clearly that he was not an "atheist." Besides, does he seriously expect us to believe that there are no Christians who get high and fuck around and that everyone who gets high and fucks around is an atheist?

I'd say this guy was bullshitting us, or call him a liar, but that would make him out to be somewhat un-Christian. Let's just chalk it up to stupidity...

[Update: I forgot to add a link in the text to Satanism. That's been fixed.]

The Scoop

Every doubt I've ever had about American mainstream media has been confirmed. This is an actual headline from an actual American TV network's website:

Hillary At White House on 'Stained Blue Dress' Day

Way to fucking go, guys. Wow. You really got to the bottom of things this time, didn't you?
Fucking assholes.

Analyze Meme

Eli over at Multi Medium was tagged with something (I think) is called the "123" meme:

Take the nearest book, turn to page 123.
Look for the fifth sentence, then post the three sentences following the fifth sentence.

Eli himself hasn't actually tagged anyone, but has invited those who want to volunteer to do so. I've decided to participate because 1) I'm desperate for any excuse to actually write something, anything, in the hope that the simple mechanical act of clacking away at the keyboard will somehow, like magic, stimulate my brain and give me back my writing mojo; and, 2) the book that happens to be nearest me, Follies of the Wise by Frederick Crews, has a pretty interesting passage at the mark indicated by the meme.

Writing about the "prepsychoanalytic" Sigmund Freud, Crews tells of a man who believed that his hysterical patients were all harboring repressed memories of early abuse and who cured them by "unknotting their repression". As Crews continues, however, Freud "suffered a failure of nerve; too many fathers were being identified as perpetrators," a development that lead Freud to psychoanalysis, "a doctrine that ascribes incestuous design not to adult molesters but, grotesquely, to children themselves."

Freud finally had to cope with the disagreeable thought that his hysterics' "stories" of very early abuse had been peremptory inventions of his own. He did so, however, through a dumbfoundingly illogical, historically momentous expedient, ascribing to his patients' unconscious minds a repressed desire for the precocious couplings that he had hitherto urged them to remember having helplessly undergone. That is how psychoanalysis as we know it came into being.

So, while a bit of Freud might inject some fun and liveliness into literary discussions, it's not very good science. Well, it's not "science" at all, actually. Psychoanalysis was the result one layer of bullshit being papered over with another...

Right, but for the Wrong Reasons?

Here in Japan there's been some discussion about giving foreign residents the right to vote in local (as opposed to national) elections. I suppose if the Japanese really wanted to thrust this duty upon me I'd feel obliged to humor them. But seriously, it's not something I'd actively seek out, and it's certainly not something I'd argue or fight for. I'm a Canadian, and I have neither the desire nor the intention of ever becoming a Japanese citizen. Why, really, should I have the right to vote?

Anyway, while I'm sure that there are reasonable arguments both in favor of and against giving foreign residents the right to vote in local elections in Japan, I found this recent editorial in The Daily Yomiuri Online, which argues against suffrage for foreign residents, to be both interesting and illuminating. Interesting because the author presents what appears to be a rather strong argument on constitutional grounds:

[...] from fundamental viewpoints, including provisions in the Constitution and the ideal state of the nation, the right to vote cannot be extended to foreigners even in local elections.

A 1995 Supreme Court ruling on the issue clearly stipulates that the right to select and dismiss public officials under Article 15 of the Constitution rests with "Japanese people," meaning those who have Japanese nationality. It also says that the "residents" who choose heads and assembly members of local governments should be "Japanese people."

The Constitution clearly denies foreign nationals the right to vote in elections, including local ones. Local autonomy is part of an order based on the Constitution. Anything that contravenes the top law should not be allowed.

Illuminating because, not content to argue simply from the standpoint of reason and law, the author seems to feel it's necessary to inject a little fear-mongering and xenophobia into the debate. Under the heading of "Foreign subversion a threat," the article says:

Local governments control their residents' rights and duties, as well as establish ordinances that stipulate punishments. They exercise public authority similar to that of the central government. In addition to providing public services, local governments are also involved in handling problems related to the central government's basic policies, such as security and education.

The law stipulating procedures to be followed in the event of an armed attack on the nation and the people's protection law call for cooperation between the central and local governments during an emergency.

If foreigners holding the nationality of a nation hostile to Japan abused their permanent resident status and exercised their voting right to obstruct cooperation between the state and local governments, Japan's safety would be threatened.

What the author is in effect saying here is this: we can't give foreigners the right to vote because they might vote the wrong way. No, not the wrong way. They might vote dangerously, because, well, they're foreigners.

I suppose the editors of the Yomiuri should be congratulated. They've performed the amazing feat of taking a perfectly good argument, diluting it with pandering nonsense, and turning it into shit.

Hassle-free Holiday Hotspots

So, let's see... First, the US decides that it will fingerprint and photograph foreign visitors. Then, this past November, Japan begins doing the same. Now, the European Commission is going to propose fingerprinting all foreign travelers into and out of Europe. I guess it won't be much longer before the rest of the world gets into the game. And, of course, "friendly" governments will be sharing their databases with each other.

So far as I know, visitors to the Beijing Olympics in communist China will not be fingerprinted. Nor does Stalinist North Korea pester tourists with such formalities. Please plan your safe, hassle-free holiday accordingly...

Meta-Stupid

Ever the ground-breaking asshole, Fred "God hates fags" Phelps plans to picket the funeral of Heath Ledger for the "sin" of portraying a gay man in Brokeback Mountain. I'm struggling, trying to wrap my mind around this. Stupidity based on stupidity based on stupidity... Fuck off, assholes.

Ian Dury-Sex and Drugs and Rock'n'Roll

Whale Meat Again

The recent shenanigans, antics, and various acts of tomfoolery on the high seas, and the assorted and sundry commentaries, have become so absurd that I'm beginning to think that perhaps Japan really should stop the whale hunt, if only to save the idiots of the world from themselves (in much the same way that the best reason for quitting smoking is so that everyone else will shut the fuck up).

Nightclubbing

I'm in a bad mood, I can't concentrate, I feel tired. I'm eating too much, and putting on pounds. I'm avoiding social contact. I'm depressed. Yeah, I got dem ole winter blahs. Even living here in sunny Miyazaki for the past 10 years is not enough to stave of this annual bout of bleh. It's even worse here, actually. Back in the old country, where there was at least some comfort in the fact that the weather really was depressing, I used to while away the months of January and February with extended bouts of drinking. And, if I had to go outside, there were always long walks down the dark, frozen, lonely streets, hockey stick in hand, and a chance encounter with a smiling, cheerful face... Of course now that I'm a family man, those small, simple pleasures have been stolen away from me...

Imagine my delight, dear readers, when I chanced upon this item about a "therapeutic" robot baby seal, designed right here in Japan (by real Japanese researchers!). The "Paro" (as it's called) has been recognized as the "World's Most Therapeutic Robot" by the Guinness Book of World Records!

The 57-centimetre Paro, covered with soft artificial fur, behaves in cuddly fashion on being caressed.

It responds to people's actions and words in a range of ways depending on what action they take toward it, such as stroking and talking to it.

The 2.7 kilogram Paro moves its head and flippers, making sounds and mimicking the voice of a baby seal [...]

[...] it provides healing effects, such as reducing stress and depression levels.

Damn! A robot baby seal for reducing stress and depression! Japanese ingenuity never ceases to amaze! Although it's mildly mystifying why none of the test subjects for this wonderful little contraption were Canadian (possibly they're trying to create market anticipation?), readers possessing only a passing familiarity with Canada and its quaint customs will have no difficulty understanding what this could mean to me and untold millions of other Canadians. I'm ordering one today!

Now, where's my hockey stick...?

Iggy Pop-Nightclubbing

Bloody Fucking Hell

Of all the stupid, I mean really fucking stupid things, this has got to be the saddest, stupidest thing. Bloody fucking hell. Fuck.

The Wingnut Concordance

[h/t: Sivacracy]

Vending Machines, No. 5

There have been mild rumblings and protestations to get a better look at what's inside these vending machines. What manner of product is offered by these sentinels of the streets and, more deeply, what are the inner processes that allow for the convenient and timely delivery of such a wide variety of tasty beverages?

The pictures below should give the viewer a pretty good idea about what's generally available in a typical Japanese vending machine (click to enlarge). As to the inner workings of the vending machines themselves, I'm afraid that's a closely guarded secret, but please, don't believe everything you read [*]...





Proof that the Japanese are more civilized than most: vending machines that sell beer.

[*] This is the type of thing that typically passes as "foreign reporting" on Japan in the New York Times. It's a complete pile of bullshit, like just about everything else written in Western newspapers about Japan. Readers of the NY Times might well be wondering how the Japanese are capable of renewed imperialistic ambitions when they're so stricken by fear of each other that they've taken to hiding themselves in "vending machines". Give me a fucking break... If you're really interested in this "story" you might find it more useful to look here and here.

Does This Sound Like Bullshit?

Doctors at the Royal Cornwall Hospital in Truro (England) are apparently refusing to set John Nuttall's broken ankle unless he quits smoking.

"I want to warn other smokers. We have paid our National Insurance stamps all our lives and now we are being shut out of the NHS."

A spokesman for the hospital trust said: "Smoking has a very big influence on the outcome of this type of surgery and the healing process would be hindered significantly."

According to the article, Mr. Nuttall has been prescribed daily doses of morphine to cope with the "constant pain from the grating of the broken bones against each other."

Sooo... smoking can affect the outcome of an operation on one's ankle? It's cheaper to give a guy morphine every day than to fix his fucking ankle? I want to be clear about this: we're talking about someone's fucking ankle, right?

Sounds like bullshit to me...

True Canadian Facts! (2)

Our wingnut friends in the south are veritable fonts of information and trivia about Canada. They certainly know us better than we know ourselves and we really appreciate their unceasing efforts to educate us and keep us in our place.

--Canada sent troops to Vietnam. (Ann Coulter)

--Canada exists solely through the good graces of its American benefactors. (Ann Coulter)

--Canadians are mentally-retarded stalkers who obsess about the United States. Anybody with any ambition at all in Canada has left and now lives in New York. (Tucker Carlson)

--"Without the U.S., Canada is essentially Honduras, but colder and much less interesting." "... the average Canadian is busy dogsledding." (Tucker Carlson)

--[...] Canadians... are often among the nicest and most decent people you'd ever want to meet. They just don't live in a normal country. (Jonah Goldberg)

--Canada is a haven for terrorists. "[...] virtually every terrorist organization in the world has come to and set up shop at one time or another in Canada..." (Pat Buchanan)

--"[...] Canada is a homo-fascist state where the filthy fag agenda has become the law of the land." "God hates Canada!" (Fred Phelps)

As a Canadian it pleases me that these (and many other) luminaries of the arts and sciences in America have devoted their time and energy to the study of Canada and all things Canadian, and have, by their selfless and untiring efforts, contributed to the world's knowledge and understanding of Canada. Bless you all, and please, keep up the good work!