Groaning into a new day...

...The more hassled you feel, the more you need this sacred space of communion with Me. Breathe slowly and deeply. Relax in My holy Presence while My Face shines upon you. This is how you receive My Peace, which I always offer you... Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

Be Still My Soul... by Selah.  All I can add is to whisper a grateful, "Amen."

This morning, for whatever reason, the body, the mind, the spirit...just could hardly move....just could hardly believe I had to begin a new day.  A day I already knew to be full with an Update, a Sermon, a Bulletin....those words that appear on a page....I just have not found a way to shut my eyes and then discover the page full....of just the right words.

This morning, sitting down with my devotion I prayed, "Lord, you know what is on my plate for this day and you know how tired and spent I feel...and the day has not yet begun! Lord, I feel overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish.  Lord, I feel sad by the things I really want to accomplish, yet I know those things don't pay the bills. Lord, grant that I discover what I need within these moments with you. Amen."


Yesterday, during the Wednesday Lunch Bunch conversation we talked about miracles.  Biblical miracles and miracles that occur in our everyday/ordinary life.  Sarah's devotion for today...I would almost count as a miracle. Continuing from above...

...Imagine the pain I feel when My children tie themselves up in anxious knots, ignoring My gift of Peace. I died a criminal's death to secure this blessing for you. Receive it gratefully; hide it in your heart. My Peace is an inner treasure, growing within you as you trust in Me. Therefore, circumstances cannot touch it.Be still, enjoying Peace in My Presence.

"Receive it gratefully..."

Those words are taking on a new significance for me as I strive to live life through an attitude of gratitude in all things.  This morning, because I know I am struggling with focus, instead of journaling on One Thousand Gifts, I am going to Psalm 46, as transposed by Eugene Peterson in The Message Bible:

1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,courageous in seastorm and earthquake,Before the rush and roar of oceans,the tremors that shift mountains. 

This morning, sitting with these words, I realized that in many ways....I wanted to hide!  I wanted to hide from anyone and anything that could want something from me....I realized I do feel as though I am standing [and have been standing for a long while] in the midst of a storm.  A storm of constant demands on my physical, emotional, and mental self.

Ummm.  Sound like a familiar Bible story?

8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!He plants flowers and treess all over the earth,Bans war from pole to pole,breaks all the weapons across his knee."Step out of the traffic! Take a long,loving look at me, your High God,above politics, above everything. 

11 Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,God-of-Angel-Armies protects us..

As powerful as the imagery in this Psalm, it was Eugene Peterson's reflection that really helped me to pause this morning.

...The city of God is safe, not because it's a sphere of innocence, protected by unscalable walls and sophisticated security systems. It's safe because it's the sphere where God's help is available....The verb 'help' is used in verse 5, where I translate it, 'God at your service.' He knows the kind of world we live in, and he knows how vulnerable we are in that world. He anticipates our needs and plans ahead. He's there right on time to help, there at the crack of dawn."


In verse 8, the psalmist says, 'Attention, all! See the marvels of God!' In other words, 'Quit rushing through the streets long enough to become aware that there is more to life than your little self-help enterprises.'


In a world that is falling apart around us, it's easy to become frantic and lose touch with God. But if God is the living center of redemption, it's essential that we be in touch with him and responsive to him. If God has a will for this world and we want to be in on it, we must be still long enough to find out what it is.


It is then, and 'only' then, that we'll be able to see the marvels of God that are going on around us and inside us.


In order to write words that others might find meaningful within an Update or a Sermon, in order to consider Gratitude...to journal about Gratitude... In order to live fully I must be still long enough to discover God working around me and within me.

It is with a sense of gratitude that I receive the words of Sarah Young and Eugene Peterson as they used the imagery of Psalm 46 in their own writing.

Instead of sitting with Ann's book, these were the words I needed this morning to calm my anxiety, my overwhelm, and my fatigue at the beginning of a new day....a day that is truly a gift from God!

God, I am grateful for the Psalmist, and I am grateful for those who take the words of these ancient writings and weave them into paragraphs of words that heal my soul on mornings such as this. Help me to take the peace of these moments into my day.  Help me to pause as demands seem to heavy...seem to come to fast...and simply rest in your presence. Amen!


This video....I struggle with the images of the crucifixion story as depicted in The Passion of The Christ.  ....truth be told, I normally avoid them.  But this morning, the images within this video spoke to my heart, as violent as they are...  Through It All....  If Christ had not suffered...how would I know he truly understands my tired and weary heart? How else could I trust?

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

As You Give the Grace, I Will Sing....

 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
      to be out of your sight?
   If I climb to the sky, you're there!
      If I go underground, you're there!
   If I flew on morning's wings
      to the far western horizon,
   You'd find me in a minute—
      you're already there waiting!
   Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
      At night I'm immersed in the light!"
   It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
      night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.  ~ Psalm 139:7-10 (MSG)


You Are My Hiding Place - Selah


Is there anyplace I can avoid God's Spirit?

Sometimes, it feels as though I am alone, and even though I know in my head that God is present, sometimes it is just really hard to sense his Presence.


Psalm 139 speaks of being afraid, I'm not afraid, just exhaustingly tired. I'm beginning to suspect some of my medication either doesn't like other medication or it doesn't like me.  Either way, there seems to be a battle going on in my body that is creating cramps that are preventing sleep. 


I feel like the person in this picture.  Not only do I feel a bit alone, but in my fatigue the world seems blurry, out of focus.

This morning I sat down to journal. I felt I needed to write something since I have been silent since the weekend, but I didn't know what I would write.  I don't exactly feel joyful. At the moment, a gratitude might be difficult.

Then Sarah Young reaches out to me from her devotion Jesus Calling.

Does it ever cause you to pause and step back when you have been thinking about something and then you open a book, receive a note or an email... and it is like a response to the thoughts you have been carrying!

Ummmm... Sort of like a burning bush or a talking donkey! : )

"There is no place so desolate that you cannot find Me there. When Hagar fled from her mistress, Sarah, into the wilderness, she thought she was utterly alone and forsaken. But Hagar encountered Me in that desolate place. There she addressed Me as the Living One who sees me. Through that encounter with My Presence, she gained courage to return to her mistress." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

This story comes from Genesis 16:7-14. Honestly, I had forgotten Hagar fled Sarah at the beginning of her pregnancy and then went back.

I respect those who believe these stories are literal, just as I always hope and pray these individuals will respect my belief they are sacred stories, to show me how to live, how to love, how to reach out to God......

I have preached and journaled about God's promises to always be near by, yet the reality is...there are days that feel blurry and out of focus.

God had made promises to Abraham and Sarah, in this passage from Genesis, God's promises widened to include Hagar when she was at a weak moment.  She ran away in to the desert or the wilderness....and it was THERE God found her.

Darn...in the wilderness!!!

I may google to learn how many passages in scripture deal with "the" wilderness.

Fact is, God has made promises AND I will make journeys into the wilderness. That is life and the reality is, I cannot run away from life.   I have to "go back" and simple BE.

Be with the pain.  Be with the fatigue.  Be with the blurriness.

Just be, and God will hear me and answer me...God will give me the fortitude to "live."

Sunday, during Parlor Conversations, I stressed the difference between someone saying, "I am living with cancer." and "I am dying of cancer."

My self talk, the words I carry in my head and in my heart...all those words create filters.  Those words are powerful and help me either LIVE and BE PRESENT or to simply fold in on myself and allow the fatigue to control my day.  

: ) Honestly, I don't choose to spend my day looking and feeling like this picture!

Zephaniah is one of those little prophet guys, stuck between Habakkuk and Malachi.  Zephaniah's voice kept telling the Israelites that "Yes" they had access to God, AND they also had to bother with people as well.  For me this morning Zephaniah 3:17 is telling me that "Yes, I have promised to be near you AND you have to continue living with the 'bothers' of your reality."

...don't despair.Your God is present among you,    a strong Warrior there to save you.Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love    and delight you with his songs.

My legs are still achy and my head remains fuzzy from lack of sleep...AND I am rejoicing to be alive in this moment of time!

The sky is blue with big white fluffy clouds.  The temperatures are cool.  Cooper has been here this morning, charming me with his smile...

Yes indeed.  Life is good. Thanks be to God.

I Will Sing ~ Don Moen

AMEN!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Gather Up the Crumbs - Celebrating/Feasting/Moving On

"We stand in the midst of nourishment and we starve. We dwell in the land of plenty, yet we persist in going hungry. Not only do we dwell in the land of plenty; we have the capacity to be filled with the utter fullness of God." (Eph. 3:16-19)


Lord, I have wandered through my life, searching for purpose, love, meaning... It wasn't until I learned to pause, to be silent, to become vulnerable did I realize you were offering me manna along the journey, manna that would lead me to you, my true love, my true purpose and meaning.  Thank you, O God of never ending second chances! If it weren't for your love, I would still be wandering, missing the nourishing crumbs of blessing that you have strung along my path. AMEN.

Words/Insights/Quotes/Poetry:

We are "made" by words.

I've a good friend who I lovingly refer to as "My Word Maven".  He reads and retains at a level I can only stand and be amazed. Others, who do complicated crossword puzzles or excel at Scrabble, amaze me. Or, there are the pastors who give wonderful prayers at the drop of a hat, using and connecting words in a way I never think of connecting.

I do not feel as though I am good with words, yet I appreciate the power and the beauty of words.  I love this image that is made by using words, it reminds me that there is great truth in the saying, "You are what you eat."

Jesus is referred to in scripture as "The Word". If that doesn't give me a clue to the power and importance of words, nothing would! My choice is one, how I respond to the words that fill my world.  Two, my choice is also to discern which words are nourishing crumbs and which will make me sick.

Listen! Jesus said, "May those with eyes, see...and may those with ears, hear." Elijah did not find God in the wind or in the fire, or....Elijah found God in a whisper.  In order for me to be fed by the crumbs of words, I have got to LISTEN!  When I am still. When I let go of my agenda. When I take intentional time to pause. When I....I can hear and I am fed.

Two, there are MANY scripture passages that remind me that not all words are nourishing. Just a few from Proverbs:

• The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
• Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. Proverbs 11:12
• A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin. Proverbs 26:28
• She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26

I mentioned poetry.  Carl Sandburg expressed so well the nourishing crumbs of these words.

Poetry is the journal of the sea animal living on land, wanting to fly in the air.  Poetry is a search for syllables to shoot at the barriers of the unknown and the unknowable.  Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away.                           ~ Carl Sandburg Poetry Considered

Words connected together within insights, quotes, poetry, scripture....nourish me and build me up.  These words help me to pause and be still.  These words remind me of the love that is mine, if I am only awake to hear.

People/Connectedness:


Without others to speak the truth to me in love.  John Donne said, "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."




God created me to be a part of the world and this world is full of others!

Life is about relationship. Not only relationship with God, but relationship with God's creation, and that includes a whole lot of people who were created differently than me.

When I am awake and open, I can gather the crumbs of blessing from other people.  Sometimes those crumbs are offered within words of affirmation and sometimes they are offered within words of criticism. Notice I am back at the word thing?

My crumbs are separate, yet a piece of another.

I am thankful for the relationships in my life that build me up, encourage me, guide me, care for me...and I am thankful I am learning to see these acts of love expressed in ways that might not always "feel good" but are offered in love.

Prayer:

To pray is to ...

I so loved Macrina's insight that "To pray is to touch God and let God touch us."


Honestly? I am only just now beginning to fully appreciate the power, the love, the EVERYTHING that is prayer.

I've "prayed" for most of my life, yet my prayers often felt rote or empty. I am only now beginning to appreciate that my prayers do not have to be the "WOW" kind of prayers that carry full images and wonderful insights.

I am only now, beginning to appreciate that I am praying much of the day, some times without even realizing.  I have caught myself reading a poem, or watching a video, or witnessing an act of love...and I will whisper, "Isn't that great!" And as I have thought more about prayer, when I utter those words, I realize that they are a prayer.

As I continue to walk along my journey, my hope and my prayer is that I am in a place of prayer throughout my day.

By using the gifts God gave them, and by observing the
crumbs along the path, they found their way home!

Lord, writing within this journal, is also a form of prayer.  I often find myself wanting to stay, and soak up more of the nourishment that is mine within this time.  But, I am looking at the clock and I realize I will miss the opening program of VBS this morning.  I thank you and praise you that this congregation is quite capable to doing things without me always being present!  They are wonderful and nourishing crumbs that you have blessed me with during this time in my journey to you.  I thank you for them and for all the children who will walk through the doors of the church today.  Bless each one.  Bless me, Lord so that I might find my way home by gathering the crumbs you have placed along my path.  AMEN.

Here's a video that is not a worship video. This video is a great reminder that what is held up in this world, what seems so very important and "real" is so fleeting.  It is a good reminder for me to Follow the Son rather than the stuff of this world.

"I'll Follow the Son" the Beatles...

Many Blessings ~ Sandi