Mothers

How do you break up with your mother?

I do not have a good relationship with either of my parents. I was unfortunate enough to be born to the two most self-centered people on the planet. Why two people so wrapped up in themselves ever chose to breed is beyond me. They called it quits when I was nine, only to subject my brother and I to and endless stream of equally self-centered, alcoholic and abusive spouses. Of course, it never crossed their minds to consider how this parade might be affecting their children. Now that I am an adult, I am not held hostage to my parents mistakes as I was as a child, and yet the need for parents who actually care is still there.

My mother has let me down in two huge ways over the last six months. As a child, I would have expected this, but now that I'm a mom myself, I simply can't fathom doing to my children what she has done to me. And so against my better judgment, and upon the advice of DH, I gave her those two chances, only to be devestatingly let down.

Since then I have been doing my best to avoid her. The 350 mile gap between us has made it easier, but I think she recently realized that I was pissed and has been calling. She finally managed to catch me today. I told her that I didn't want to speak with her, and she pushed for an explanation. When I finally gave one, she basically lied, claiming ignorance to one situation, and changing the facts of the other to fit her own perception. She is beyond taking responsibility for anything. She said to me, "you are under a huge amount of stress, with school and sick kids." No shit. All the more reason that I don't need to be dealing with her anymore. The problem is that she will continue to call and act as if nothing is wrong, and if I tell her that everything is still wrong, then she will make it my fault. And it's not. I'm beyond taking the blame. My parents can't screw up my life anymore. So, how do you break up with your self-centered, fault-shifting, pretend everything is hunky-dory mother?