I figured out pretty quickly as a law student trying to find a job that being a mom was not working to my benefit. So I removed anything that hinted at my child-having status from my resume (basically my volunteer work) and avoided the topic during interviews.
My first boss had absolutely no idea that I had kids when he hired me. And I am 100% certain that he would not have hired me if he had know I was a mom. (This is not just my speculation--others 'in the know' have said the same.) Of course, he eventually figured it out--after I had been working there for several months.
And in my first job I was careful not to mention my kids whenever I had to leave because something was going on with them. I always non-specifically said that I had an appointment. This actually worked for me. It gave me the opportunity to prove that I was competent and professional and could get the job done without being marred by the "mom prejudice."
But this isn't something that I want for future lawyer moms, and the only way things are going to change is if those of us who are more established in our field stand up and prove what we're perfectly capable of managing both our careers and our families.
My new bosses knew that I had kids from my first interview--but by then I had a good track record to back myself up. Still, I was conscious not to have too many kid appointments and to prove myself as a go-to girl in my early days with my current firm. And now, I think I've done that.
So when I have to take a kid to the doctor, I said so. And last week, when my boss (a childless junior partner) said that he wanted us in the office at 9 on Saturday morning to prep for our trial on Tuesday, I said no. My kids have soccer games on Saturday mornings. I've been home before bedtime maybe twice in the last two weeks and we would be out of town for one to two weeks for trial. I needed that time with my girls. I was prefectly fine with devoting the vast majority of my weekend to trial prep, but I was not missing my kids' games on Saturday morning.
I think he was a little surprised that I was drawing this line in the sand just 3 days before trial, but he didn't object. I love my job, but it does take a lot of time away from my family, and I have to set limits to ensure that it doesn't take over my entire life. I have yet to miss a concert or school play or soccer game, and I don't intend to without a very good reason.
In the end, it was moot. My case settled today (while I was at the soccer games), and the 90 bazillion hours that I have billed in the last two weeks were for naught. I'm disappointed not to be going to trial, but it is nice to have my weekend free. And of course, I know the stats as well as any litigator and knew the chances of settling increased with every day we got closer to trial. I don't know what I'll do with all my free time at work next week.
7 comments:
Thank you for this post!
I'm 34 weeks pregnant and have had a heck of a time with my interviews (I graduate in 2 weeks)
I don't think they like the idea of knowing I'll have a newborn when I start my job. What I want to tell them is "trust me, I wouldn't have gone to law school if I didn't want to work my butt off."
I'll be about 27 weeks when it's time for interviews in the fall. I'm a little bit nervous about that and wondering if I can just pull them off looking fat instead of pregnant. Glad to hear some sort of balance can be achieved once you're working. I have worried about that, especially now.
@Izzie - 27 weeks might be hard to pass as fat - I did it (barely) at about 22 weeks. Interestingly, the one firm where I went to call back a bit off schedule (later) and therefore visibly, undeniably pregnant, I didnt get an offer from. BUT, i didnt like them, and I had a horrible interview with one of the partners (he asked me my college major, I told him, and he's like "why are you doing THAT then?" - wtf?). good luck - remember that they can't of course ask you about it.
sort of sucks your case settled, LC. But good you'll have all this found time!
It takes a lot of guts to stand up for your family time. Especially in this economy. But it is awesome that you are doing so, especially as you still "do it all", because you are helping your boss and others see that work/life balance is important, necessary, and not as much of an impediment as it seems in theory.
My first law job I would never admit that I was leaving for a kid thing. Later, I would talk about my son, but I do think its still a risky thing to do unless you are in a firm with lots of mom support. I always felt like it did have an impact on the projects I was given.
I was 35-36 wks pregnant when I was getting call back interviews, so couldn't really hide the "mom" thing. I got great responses - but of course, this was pre-recession. Once in the door however, there hasn't been much accommodation for mom-hood, and a lot of dirty looks. Not surprising that I've left.
P.S. Izzie - interviewers are not actually allowed to ask you if you are pregnant, so if you don't bring it up, you can actually just leave them confused.
I agree with the others, Izzie--I think 27 weeks might be hard to hide. But I wouldn't bring it up. And just because they're not supposed to ask doesn't mean it won't come up. I've been asked my age, my marital status, whether I had kids. Sometimes point blank, sometimes that's just where the conversation headed and I don't think anyone was being sneaky.
Best of luck to those of you who are interviewing!
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