Happy Mother's Day!

I hope all of the MILP's are having a happy and relaxing weekend.

Since I was supposed to be in trial for the last week, my workload was especially light last week. I took Friday off to attend PS' field day. By mid-afternoon, PS was no longer competing and I could feel my skin starting to burn (indeed, I got my first sunburn of the season despite slathering myself in SPF 85. The great irony of my life will be dying of skin cancer, having never had a tan.), so I took off and got a pedicure before picking up the girls from school. It was a nice jump-start to the weekend.

We had soccer yesterday morning, and then went to Lowe's where I picked out two trellises with hanging plants to frame the walkway up to my house. Spent the rest of the afternoon doing nothing!* That doesn't happen very often.

Unfortunately, last night we decided to watch Time Traveler's Wife. I had read the bock many years ago, but I really don't remember books or movies, and I didn't recall what a downer this movie was. Of course, this Mother's Day is an especially tough one for DH, and I think that movie just increased his funk.

I wish that we were close enough to put flowers on MIL's grave. It seems like we should do something to remember her today--but I'm not sure what. I sent flowers to DH's sisters earlier in the week, and asked the florist to use the same lilies that we had picked out for MIL's casket spray (is that weird?), just to let them know that we were thinking about them and their mom.

Nothing much going on today. We'll probably do a little grocery shopping, work on PS' science fair project and then throw something out on the grill for dinner tonight. Perfect Sunday afternoon.

*By doing nothing, I mean that I spent most of my afternoon researching cruise options for our 15th anniversary this year. I really, really want to go to Bora Bora, but I don't feel comfortable being that far from the kids (the only person I would have left them with for a trip like that is MIL). So now we're thinking a Caribbean cruise--where we could be back home in a matter of hours in an emergency. And I am astonished at how inexpensive cruising can be! Why have we never cruised before? I think I've narrowed down which cruise I want to take--not it's just figuring out which cabin. Apparently location is important. But is it worth it to spring for a balcony? And yes, I am a total nerd and research everything to death.

Setting Limits

I figured out pretty quickly as a law student trying to find a job that being a mom was not working to my benefit. So I removed anything that hinted at my child-having status from my resume (basically my volunteer work) and avoided the topic during interviews.

My first boss had absolutely no idea that I had kids when he hired me. And I am 100% certain that he would not have hired me if he had know I was a mom. (This is not just my speculation--others 'in the know' have said the same.) Of course, he eventually figured it out--after I had been working there for several months.

And in my first job I was careful not to mention my kids whenever I had to leave because something was going on with them. I always non-specifically said that I had an appointment. This actually worked for me. It gave me the opportunity to prove that I was competent and professional and could get the job done without being marred by the "mom prejudice."

But this isn't something that I want for future lawyer moms, and the only way things are going to change is if those of us who are more established in our field stand up and prove what we're perfectly capable of managing both our careers and our families.

My new bosses knew that I had kids from my first interview--but by then I had a good track record to back myself up. Still, I was conscious not to have too many kid appointments and to prove myself as a go-to girl in my early days with my current firm. And now, I think I've done that.

So when I have to take a kid to the doctor, I said so. And last week, when my boss (a childless junior partner) said that he wanted us in the office at 9 on Saturday morning to prep for our trial on Tuesday, I said no. My kids have soccer games on Saturday mornings. I've been home before bedtime maybe twice in the last two weeks and we would be out of town for one to two weeks for trial. I needed that time with my girls. I was prefectly fine with devoting the vast majority of my weekend to trial prep, but I was not missing my kids' games on Saturday morning.

I think he was a little surprised that I was drawing this line in the sand just 3 days before trial, but he didn't object. I love my job, but it does take a lot of time away from my family, and I have to set limits to ensure that it doesn't take over my entire life. I have yet to miss a concert or school play or soccer game, and I don't intend to without a very good reason.

In the end, it was moot. My case settled today (while I was at the soccer games), and the 90 bazillion hours that I have billed in the last two weeks were for naught. I'm disappointed not to be going to trial, but it is nice to have my weekend free. And of course, I know the stats as well as any litigator and knew the chances of settling increased with every day we got closer to trial. I don't know what I'll do with all my free time at work next week.

Wide Awake

Tried to go to bed an hour ago. Read until my eyes couldn't take it anymore. Then I laid there tossing and turning and completely unable to relax enough to even think about sleep. I think I had too much coffee today.

I'm thinking about all the things that still need to be done before our trial starts on Tuesday. And what I should pack for a two-week trial. And how much weight I'm going to gain living on Dairy Queen for two weeks. And the conference call that I have scheduled tomorrow--then I remember that my client never confirmed that he would actually be present for our conference call (with a third party). And the settlement agreement that I am haggling over and what I will say to convince opposing counsel that I will not accept the terms that he insists are fair and reasonable. And the fact that my secretary seems to have gone insane because she came into my office crying this morning because she is convinced that she has bone cancer even though she has absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe this other than using google to self-diagnose. And the fact that the circles in the Venn diagram that represents my relationship with DH seem to be more tangential than overlapping lately. And the fact that I still haven't shipped my two-year old nephew his birthday present. And where I am now versus where I was a year ago.

And now my eyes are burning again and I really need to go to bed so that I can be awake for the conference call that my client may or may not be attending.

The Aftermath

So it's been nearly two months since MIL passed away--after trying to set a record for the longest Hospice stay ever. Some of the after-effects are expected and some, not so much.

I keep coming across things that I think would be perfect for MIL for Mother's Day--and then remember that I won't be buying her anything this year.

And we weren't sure how the kids would be affected. A few days ago SS overheard DH and I talking, and then burst in to tears because she missed Grandma.

And TT is just not herself. She's been a punk to her sisters lately, but also spacey and unfocused (this would be the kids who let the sink overflow). We've been waking her up a half hour before her sisters after she made them late for school three days in a row, and she is still the last one ready every day. And we had a teacher conference last week, where we learned that her math grades are inexplicably dropping and she has been very clingy with her teacher. We've since been trying to ensure that she get more individual attention (no easy task when your kids outnumber you).

And then there is FIL. He started dating less than a month after MIL was buried. He is now officially "seeing someone." It is certainly an understatement to say that we were all stunned by this development. FIL was absolutely devoted to MIL throughout her entire illness, and in her last days he refused to leave her side. I don't like it, but I'm just the in-law. DH doesn't like it, but doesn't feel like its his place to say anything, that his dad has been through enough, and that he is an adult who can make his own decisions. SIL is devastated and this is having a huge affect on her and her relationship with her dad. She told him that she was irritated, but FIL just kind of brushed her off. Meanwhile, news of FILs new relationship is spreading throughout my smallish hometown, and SIL has been asked about it. Ugh! I don't even want to think about the gossip.

We had booked a cabin for Memorial Day shortly after MIL passed away, and intended to invite FIL, but didn't want to be too pushy. When DH finally invited him last week, he already had plans to visit someone else's cabin. And of course we're all wondering whether his new friend will be accompanying him.

I get that he was in the role of a caregiver for the last year and was acting more like a parent than a spouse. But two months--really? Is he incapable of spending any time alone? Of processing the loss of his wife of 35 years? And what woman in her right mind would want to get in the middle of that situation.

It is Wednesday and I am home

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and in awe at the amount of snot that my body is able to produce. A long hot shower did not improve the situation, so I crawled back into bed feeling quite sorry for myself, emailed in sick to work, and started inundating my poor secretary with emails. Then I took a handful of pills and decided I would try to sleep until 8:30, when my secretary would arrive at the office and probably start calling with questions.

Well, my secretary started calling, but I did not hear the phone and slept until after 10. Apparently the decongestant was not of the non-drowsy variety. I reluctantly hauled my aching body out of bed so that I could attempt to do some work.

I think my body is telling me that I need downtime. I've had more late nights than not lately, and once I get home there is home-stuff to be done. Thank God I have a housekeeper. I do not know how I could manage to ever spend time with my children if I actually had to keep up the house. But still there are bills to be paid and taxes to be done and homework to review and forms, forms, forms from the school for pictures and field day and t-shirts and field trips.

And then last night, as I was driving home from work at 8:30 and chatting with DH he said, "I gotta go--I hear water dripping." Alas, when I stumbled in the door at 9, DH and PS were staring up at the water dripping through my kitchen ceiling. Apparently TT left the bathroom sink running, it's not draining properly, and it overflowed all over the bathroom. And PS did not bother to notice or rectify the situation when she went to take a shower. (And yes, I did have a post just a few months ago about the bathtub dripping into my kitchen, although it turned out not to be the kids' fault.)

So today I will do enough work to keep me afloat and try to rest, hoping that a day off will keep things from getting worse. The fortunate part is that I got three big tasks knocked out last night and today is the only day in the next three weeks that I don't have anything on my calendar. Our trial is just a week and a half away, and it still does not look like we will settle.

Better today

DH and I argued out our issues on the way to work this morning. (I love my new bluetooth-enabled car). Apparently I was not sufficiently in awe of a new app he just developed. He thinks I tune him out when he talks about work because I think it's boring. (It is--half the time I can't even follow what he's saying when he starts talking in programmer language. BUT, he totally tunes me out when I start up with the lawyer-speak. We find one another's careers equally boring.)

Work is still crazy busy, but at least my day was mostly uninterrupted. I am preparing for trial for the first time since I graduated from law school. That's right, even though I'm a litigation attorney, I have not taken one single case to trial. I haven't even gotten close enough to prepare for trial. They all settle. I'm great at facilitating settlement.

But this one does not look like it's going to settle. There are lots of parties and hints of small-town scandal. It's not a huge case, but worth enough to matter (mid-six figures). The subject matter is unbelievably boring, and the trial will be in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. My secretary booked our hotel today. There were three choices, the nicest being a Holiday Inn Express. I think the fanciest restaurant in town is Nana's Hometown Diner. We are anticipating 1-2 weeks for trial. Yeah, this is going to be fun.

So my life is all about preparing for trial. But at the same time, I have at least 15 other active litigation files (and more not-so-active files). A couple of them are pretty hot right now. Whenever I am working on one, I feel like I need to be working on another.

And of course, on the home front, it is the middle of soccer season, and all of the kids' end of the year concerts and field trips and teacher conferences and awards ceremonies are coming up.

I've also got an appointment for PS with the pediatric urologist next week, because the doc confirmed that she did have another kidney stone. I'm a little worried that she has had 2 stones in 6 months at only 11 years old. Ugh.

In a funk

I am stressed to the max at work. I had hoped when I changed firms that I would have better control over my hours. It started out that way, but now I am just as busy as I was at my old firm.

DH is not helping. He is super busy at work, too, and I know its stress, but he keeps snarking at me. And then he gets all huffy when I call him out on it. And he lays on the guilt whenever I work late. Instead of working together, we working against each other, which just adds to the stress.

And one of my kids has been extra bratty lately. I told her this morning that she was lucky that I was one of those parents who don't believe in beating children.

I need a vacation, and that's not happening anytime soon. I'm looking at booking a cruise for just DH and me in late November, but right at this moment I don't feel like spending a week alone with him in a tiny cabin.

Wobbling on the tightrope

The whole work/life balance has been wobbly the last couple of days.

Friday morning PS told us she was having pain that was reminiscent of her kidney stone. But because she wasn't in terrible pain and the kids missed so much school during MIL's illness that we have been threatened with truancy court, I sent her to school with instructions to call me immediately if her pain increased at all.

I didn't hear anything during the day, but as soon as she was out of school at 3 she told me that the pain was unbearable when she peed. I immediately made a doctor's appointment and flew out of my office to make her 4:00 appointment.

A few minutes later my boss called me on my cell and asked if I could handle an emergency research project this weekend. I told him that I could, and he agreed to call me at 9:30 Saturday morning to give me the details.

Great except that TT had a soccer game and PS had the fitting for her cheerleading uniform at 9:00 on Saturday morning.

I arrived at the doctor's office just as PS was being called back. I went with PS and sent the nanny back home with the twins. The doc agreed that her symptoms indicated a kidney stone was likely, and sent us off for x-rays. Of course, getting x-rays at 5:00 on a Friday means that we won't get results until Monday. But the doc didn't seem particularly concerned and told us that if her symptoms worsened we needed to go to the ER. As PS said sarcastically (to me, not the doc) "helpful."

Anyway, PS's symptoms improved greatly as the evening wore on, and we think that she probably passed the stone late in the afternoon when she was having the most pain.

So DH took TT to her game and I took PS to her fitting Saturday morning. It was very much a hands-on mom kinda thing--figuring out what sizes to order for practice wear, shoes, and the official uniform. There was a huge list of required items, and a short list of "optional" items ("but all the 8th grade girls ordered them," the coach said in a way that indicated that the optional items weren't too optional.)

I kept my phone in my pocket on vibrate, hoping I could just step out when Boss called. But I somehow missed the call , and didn't realize it until 15 minutes later. At least by then we were pretty much through the fitting, so I left PS and stepped outside to take the call. Which lasted 45 minutes! Poor PS, along with her BFF and mom who rode with us, were trapped waiting for me to get off the phone.

It wasn't ideal, but it all worked out. I was there for PS's fitting and managed to bill .8 at the same time.

Spent the rest of the day getting a much-needed haircut, doing our taxes, and perusing the new bookstore with the fam. We are getting a $206 refund!!!!! I am beyond thrilled. I have been putting off the taxes because I was afraid that we would owe another huge bill like last year. Last year's problem was that I had screwed up our withholdings and we got hit with the AMT. Fortunately, we resolved that, but I'm still peeved that student loan interest is capped and phased out of upper income brackets.

Finally, last night we sent the kids to a party while DH and I had date night and went to see Date Night It was hilarious--although I had just had 3 margaritas, so anything might have been hilarious.

Today I buckle down and do my emergency research project. I should have started on it yesterday, but my brain was shot after wrestling with the taxes. Hopefully, I won't be up half the night--but this is one of those issues that may not have an answer--or at least not the answer my boss wants. It's so much easier when you know there's an answer out there!

Good Weekend

This is the first weekend in a while where we had nothing that had to get done. No work, no soccer games, no school events, no major home projects.

Yesterday we saw "How to Train Your Dragon" (excellent!), dyed eggs, baked and decorated Easter cookies, and went to church.

Today we worked in the yard. DH mowed and the girls and I cleaned up the flower beds. Then I hit the kitchen, where I have been basting a honey glazed ham all day and making other Easter dinner fixin's. This may be the best ham ever--I've been brushing the honey/butter/brown sugar concoction between every slice, hoping it will soak all the way through, instead of just sticking to the outside (all the while using my Julia Childs voice, after watching Julie & Julia last night).

I'm contemplating going to Lowe's to pick up some mulch and flowers for my newly cleaned out flower beds, but I'm pretty pooped. I think a nap might beat out flowers.

A Conversation With My Daughter

Sometime last year:

"Hey, do you have any interest in those Percy Jackson books, 'cause I found a set of the first 3 online for $10."

"Nope."

"Are you sure? You know there's a movie coming out and the rule is that you have to read the book before you see the movie."

"No, it looks boring."

"I heard they're really good books, are you sure you don't want me to order them? This is a great price."

"No, Mom. Geez."

Fast forward to two weeks ago:

"Mom, can I watch the Percy Jackson movie with BFF?"

"I thought you had no interest in that movie?"

"I know, but I've heard it's good."

"But you haven't read the book--you know the rule."

"Pleeeaaassseee Mom???"

"OK, I'll let you break the rule, just this once, since you always read the books." (PS is a great reader and devours books.)

The next day:

"So, how was the movie?"

"It was great. I have to get the books!"

A couple of days later I ordered the first 3 Percy Jackson books and the Hunger Games. They came in last Saturday. I plowed through the Hunger Games by Sunday night. This afternoon, I left work early and PS and I snuggled in my bed, she reading the third of the Percy Jackson books, and me reading the first.

"Mom, can you order the last two books?"

"You mean the books you had no interest in?

"Yeah, I really like them! Please, please, please get the last two!"

I picked up the 4th at Target tonight to put in her Easter basket. I'm sure she'll finish the third by the end of the day tomorrow.

BTW, The Hunger Games was excellent, but very disturbing. My brother (a middle school English teacher) has been bugging me for months to read it, but I was turned off by the description. But it is also on the recommend summer reading list for PS, because they will be studying Utopian societies, so I went ahead and picked it up. I couldn't put it down--my eyes were burning from reading for so long. However, it is not for young elementary students. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone younger than PS, who is a mature 11.

I'm only about a quarter of the way through the The Lightening Thief (the Percy Jackson book). It is not nearly well written as The Hunger Games. I've heard this series compared to Harry Potter. There seem to be some rather blatant take-offs from from HP, and I don't think the writing style is nearly as good. But I'll reserve further judgment until I've actually finished one of the books. So far, this series seems ok for my 8 year olds. When I left for work this morning they were taking turns reading it to each other, so they could both read it at the same time.

Apparently I'm the April Fool

A few weeks ago I tried on a dress that I really liked. I never wear dresses--partly because it's hard to find dresses that fit my body shape--so I was thrilled to find a work-appropriate dress that fit well. However, it was a little pricey and not on sale. So I didn't buy it then, but found it on sale online a couple of days later and jumped on it.

Sooooo, this morning I decided to wear my new dress. I put it on, but it wouldn't zip. It wasn't too tight (really!), but the zipper stuck at the horizontal seam between the bodice and the skirt. I tugged and tugged, but the zipper wouldn't budge. PS tried to help, but still no luck. By this point, I really needed to leave to get the girls to school on time, so I gave it one last tug, and the zipper went up. But only the zipper popped open below the seam and was only sipped above the seam. And now it wouldn't go back down.

So I had to take the girls to school, with my dress gaping open.

Once I got back home, I was stuck twisting and turning to get the zipper back down so I could get out of the dress. Nope, not budging. I tugged and tugged and twisted and turned, but the zipper would not go back over the seam. I got pliers from the garage, but still couldn't get the zipper back down. Finally , after a full 20 minutes, and just when I was seriously contemplating taking scissors to the dress, the zipper came back down and I was free.

Unfortunately, the zipper is pulled off its tracks and I can't get it back together. It looks like I'm going to have to return my perfectly-fitting new dress. And I just know that the saleslady is going to assume I was just too big and popped the zipper. Ugh!

Still busy

I've come home very late every night this week. Not cool, but unavoidable. Fortunately, I made it through mediation and finished up an MSJ response, so (fingers crossed) the rest of my week will be low key.

I'm feeling very emotionally fragile lately. Work has been super-stressful, and then dealing with the car issue has me stretched way too thin. And DH's best friend from high school's dad passed away last night. He had a stroke a few weeks ago and went into hospice a couple of days ago. Of course that just brought back our experience of the last few weeks. And a 1st grader at the kids' school has leukemia. Tonight they went to a fund-raising dinner, and the line was stretched half-way down the block. Even the local news channel showed up. I got teary when DH was telling me about it on the phone. Every little thing makes me teary--so not like me (DH calls me an emotional robot). And the women are already throwing themselves at FIL. It's only been a month. I just can't get over how tacky and disrespectful it is.

On the lighter side of things, we did decide to ditch the Suburban and I picked up my Nissan Armada this afternoon. It is sweet. Bluetooth so I can send and receive calls from the car, a rear camera and sonar for backing up, no keys--just an RFID chip embedded in the remote (I feel like George Jetson with no keys). I love it, but haggling over it was such a PITA. I've settled 3 or 4 lawsuits this year and none have been as much of a pain as negotiating this car.

But in case anyone's jealous of my awesome (gas guzzling) new car, here's a story for ya. We were walking down the stair, leaving the car place when I caught the heel of my shoe in the cuff of my pants. I lost all control and pretty much threw all of my weight into DH trying to maintain my balance. Thank goodness he was there, or I definitely would have fallen all the way down the concrete steps. It was not pretty, and I swear I pulled every single muscle in my body and banged my knee into something. I have a bruise popping up on my knee cap and my back, rib cage and neck are all throbbing. May have to go take a hot bath before bed.

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, my work event went well. My outfit was perfect, although there were so few women there I could have gotten away with almost anything. There was literally a 10/1 male to female ratio. I think I've discovered the perfect place for single girls to meet eligible guys. Anyway, generally loathe schmoozy events, but this went well. I met several clients with whom I had only corresponded by phone or email, and several others with whom I have no direct involvement--yet.

Cursed, I tell ya!

So the problem with the Suburban is indeed the tranny. The cost for a "major overhaul" is $2200. So now we're trying to figure out whether we want to put that kind of cash into an 8 year old vehicle with 150,000 miles and a bluebook value of $5K or just buy a new one.

We weren't really planning to keep the Suburban more than a few more months anyway, but I really don't have time to car shop right now, and we were trying to knock out a couple of bills before car shopping again.

I guess we'll get a couple more quotes for tranny repair tomorrow, and I've already gotten a coupe of quotes on a new (used) vehicle. I just can't bring myself to buy a new (new) vehicle, but there's an '07 Tahoe with 32K miles at the dealership down the road that might fit the bill.

I think I'm cursed

So I headed out to frou-frou mall this afternoon in search of a dress. Fifteen minutes into my journey I realized that my engine was revving hard and not switching into a higher gear. And I couldn't go any faster than I already was. So I took the next exit, and found that my Suburban seems to not be switching from 2nd to 3rd gear. Once I got off the highway, I couldn't go more than 30 mph, and within a few minutes I was topping out at 20 mph.

DH gave me directions to the nearest transmission shop, and I slowly made my way there at 20 mph. Fortunately I was in the 'burbs and didn't have to take any super-busy streets.

Once DH retrieved me, we went to the nearby not-so-frou-frou mall, where the highest end store is Dillards. My options were very limited, but I managed to score a basic black shift dress with matching bolero jacket for $27 (no, that is not a typo--it was 70% off!). It is cut like this one, but the jacket is solid black with 3" black-sequined cuffs. Just enough sparkle for an after-five business affair, and I can top the dress with a cardigan or suit jacket for day wear.

I also found a 60" strand of silver pearls for $15 (also 70% off) that look fab with the dress when triple-looped. I wasn't sure these would go well with the dress, but I figured they were versatile enough to work with lots of things, so i bought them anyway. As it turned out, they look great with the dress!

For the final touch, I picket up a pair of rhinestone barrettes at Target for $6.

No new shoes required. I have a fabulous pair of strappy black heels, but I think I will wear my basic black work shoes (3.5" stilettos) and probably add a pair of black hose. I HATE pantyhose, but the dress is a petite and just a tad short for business. And my legs are pasty white.

So, the whole outfit was less than $50. A good thing, since I am afraid to hear how much it will cost to repair the transmission in the Suburban.

Fashion Advice Needed

I must attend an awards banquet next week for an association that my firm is very involved with. There will be many clients and many more potential clients in attendance. It is "cocktail attire" and I will have to leave straight from the office.

So, what the heck do I wear? Anything in my current wardrobe that might approximate cocktail is definitely not work appropriate, nor something that I would want to wear in a business setting. (I have ample cleavage and it is hard to find cocktail attire that does not draw attention to this attribute. Not that I mind too much since I was called "2x4" in high school and the girls are holding up pretty well considering I breastfed three children. But in business settings I prefer to be noticed for my brains and not my other assets.)

Can I get by with wearing a suit, or do I need to wear a dress? It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go find a little black dress that I could throw a cardigan over during the day and remove for evening--but I don't have a ton of time to go shopping before this event.

And, no, there's no one to ask, since I'm the only girl in the office. The guys will definitely just wear their suits. Also, this industry organization is heavily male-dominated, so nearly all of the other females in attendance will be spouses--not sure if that makes a difference or not.

P.S. This is my 750th post--woot!

LC is too busy to blog.

Work has been insane. Between a mediation the end of this month, a trial in early May and a whole mess of other cases, I am barely keeping my head above water. I've been trapped in doc review hell for the last several weeks, and every time I turn around there are more documents. I've been doing electronic review every night from my laptop trying to get caught up. And then today I learned that the other side is producing a 145 gig hard drive. Sigh.

Yesterday, I f'd up big time and inadvertently produced privileged docs. Fortunately, opposing counsel was kind enough to point out my mistake (because there was a big green stickie on the docs that said "Privileged") and swears he didn't review them. And my boss didn't even yell at me. He just said "it happens, and we were lucky that opposing counsel was honest." Then when I joked that I was afraid I needed to start packing up, he assured me that I was very well regarded in the firm and that my hard work was very much appreciated and I was not going anywhere anytime soon.

Our new attorney is supposed to be taking some of the heat off of me, but I haven't noticed it much yet. But he did accompany me to an offsite doc review today. I felt like I had a bodyguard. He's a 6'6" bodybuilder and was wearing a black suit. He definitely gets the attention of every passing female.

I will definitely be going in to the office this weekend--something I've avoided since I started with this firm in August. But I have to work on our position paper for mediation and ID our exhibits. I guess the good news is that I am making up for all the hours I was short over the past couple of months while travelling during MIL's illness.

Tomorrow I'm getting sworn into my 2nd federal court bar. Partner said to review the local rules tonight because some of the judges will quiz you. Like I have nothing better to do. Fortunately I'm pretty well acquainted with the local rules because I am anal retentive about following procedure.

So this was rambling and random, but it's all I've got.

Trying to get back to normal

We are trying to get some sense of normalcy back in our lives. We spent the weekend running errands, picking up the house, fixing the bathtub issue, paying bills and just generally trying to get back on track. I spent a good part of Sunday cooking meals for the next couple of weeks. It is so nice to have homecooked food. We have really been eating a lot of crap lately and have the extra pounds to show for it.

We took PS to see Alice in Wonderland Saturday night. She is a huge Tim Burton and Johnny Depp fan and loved it. I thought it was ok, but expected it to be better than it was.

I also booked us in a cabin for Memorial Day weekend. Right on the river, with fishing off the back deck. I'm not so big on fishing, but spending a weekend at a cabin in the woods, relaxing on a deck overlooking the river sounds like the best vacation ever right about now. We'll wait a few weeks and ask FIL if he would like to join us.

Work is ok. We finally hired another attorney, which takes some of the heat off of me (and means I'm no longer the low man on the totem pole--good news in this economy!). I had been working my tail off last month trying to stay ahead of my deadlines since I knew I would be out for several days at some point. Now I can maintain a slightly more relaxed pace, but I have a mediation the end of this month and a trial that is 85% sure to go in May.

Hopefully no more chaos will be thrown our way for a while, because I have been operating at maxium capacity and really need some down time. (And by down time I mean only raising 3 kids and working 10 hour days.)

My baby's growing up

PS is finishing up her final year of elementary school and will be heading off to middle school next year. I can't believe that my curly-topped chubby baby isn't a baby anymore--or that I am old enough to have a child in 7th grade.

Last week her school sent home packets of information about scheduling and elective selection for next year, and Thursday evening PS and I toured the school. They are in a brand-new school with every amenity (including a $13 million natatorium right next door) and all of the kids are issued laptops. This school district is the reason I have a 45-minute commute to work.

We met her GT English teacher for next year, and the class sounds like it will be lots of fun. As soon as we walked in, we saw that the kids were assigned "The Giver" to read over the summer. I exclaimed, "Oh, look, we already read 'The Giver' trilogy, so you'll be a step ahead," and was quickly admonished and told that I should review the published suggested reading lists for schools in my state and avoid those books. Umm, ok, whatever. So I'm not supposed to let my kids read great books because she might read them later in school? I received a similar lecture from PS's second grade teacher because she had already read all of the Ramona Quimby books.

Overall, I was quite impressed with the middle school course options. Pre-AP courses are available in all core classes, and electives included the standards like band, art and theater, but also some that sounded more like high school courses like "Aerospace Career Portal."

Our only hang-up for choosing electives is the PE credit. PS wanted to take soccer, but it is not offered for credit. Her athletics choices are basketball, volleyball and gymnastics, cheer and drill team. Basketball, volleyball and gymnastics require try-outs and it seems unlikely that PS would make the teams without experience. Of course she could just take PE, but none of the "cool" kids ever take PE. Which leaves her with the choice of cheer or drill team. Neither is especially appealing to PS, but I think she is going to go with cheer.

I don't usually care what the cool kids are doing, but PS is a bit socially awkward and I'll do whatever I can to give her a boost through the tough middle school years. I hope joining a team will help her make a core group of friends, because I'm afraid she'll end up a loner if she only takes classes and electives that don't require a lot of group involvement. Now is when I question my decision to accelerate her in kindergarten. She is the youngest and shortest in her class. I wouldn't say that she is immature, but she's the nerdy smart kid who just isn't interested in the same things as her peers. I know that she'll come in to her own eventually (probably in college), but I fear the middle school years will be really, really hard on her.

So I'll continue to push her academically (I've already informed her that all of the pre-AP courses are non-negotiable), but I'll also encourage her to do cheer and theater and other classes that will help her make friends and give her confidence.

Seriously???

We had the rosary for MIL on Tuesday and the funeral on Wednesday. We drove home Thursday. We probably would have stayed through the weekend, but PS had her "transition to middle school" program Thursday night, and it seemed like something that we really needed to attend. (And it was, but that is a whole other post.) We got home yesterday with just enough time for me to drop off DH and the twins and head over to the middle school with PS.

I returned to work today, and met the family for dinner this evening. DH and I planned to watch a movie together tonight and to spend our first weekend at home in a month relaxing. The best laid plans...

Shortly after arriving home from dinner, TT informed us that there was dog barf in the upstairs hall . . . and the game room . . . and their bedroom. Then, when PS was headed to the pantry to look for carpet cleaner, I heard, "Mo-oommm, the ceiling is dripping."

Oh yes, a huge water stain on my kitchen ceiling. Which just happens to be directly below the upstairs bathroom. And of course, there is no easy way to access the kitchen ceiling--there is only about a 10" gap between the first and second floors through which the HVAC, plumbing and electrical lines are run and the only access is either through the ceiling downstairs or through the floor upstairs.

We suspected that the upstairs bathtub is the culprit, so DH sawed a hole in the wall of the linen closet to investigate. As suspected, the floor beneath the tub is soaked, and it looks like the drain is leaking. We can probably repair the drain without too much trouble, but it is nearly impossible to tell the extent of the damage between the floors unless we remove the bathtub and cut a hole in the floor below. Or cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling. The floor beneath the bathroom will be less noticeable, but removing the tub doesn't sound like fun.

Let's see, in the last week my MIL died, my car was hit, I got a speeding ticket, my animals barfed all over my carpet, and my bathtub is leaking through a floor and ceiling. What have I done to upset the cosmos?

Death and Life

MIL passed away Saturday night. We drove in late Friday after work, and so we were with her on Saturday when she passed. In the end, she went peacefully--for which we are thankful because much of the last few weeks has not been peaceful.

Of course, the last three days have been chaos--a state that seems to have become the norm. After she passed away on Saturday we packed up everything that we had brought to hospice for the nearly month-long stay and waited for the funeral director to arrive. We finally arrived back at FIL's house around midnight, and pulled into the driveway behind FIL to unload the car.

This morning, FIL pulled out of the driveway, forgot we were parked behind him, and never saw our Suburban before he backed into it. FIL so did not need that! It did a fair amount of damage, and the Suburban cannot be driven until it is repaired. Fortunately, my brothers-in-law are car guys and are working to make the mechanical repairs. The body damage isn't too bad, so hopefully no insurance claim will be required. In the meantime, I borrowed my grandfather's Crown Victoria. Nothin' like cruisin' in the old folks car, nut it is nice to family here who can help out.

The rest of the day has been busy, as expected. I spent the morning cleaning house in anticipation of a deluge of company, then the car issues, then a meeting with the funeral home (I reviewed that contract and was appalled. Clearly no one ever reads a burial contract--I am almost positive that at least one clause is unenforceable as a matter of law. Of course, there wasn't much we could do about it. It's an adhesion contract, if we don't like it, the option is to pick her up and take her elsewhere. ) Back to the house to receive loads of company. Eat, eat, eat. Put together a breakfast casserole for tomorrow morning, because one thoughtful person brought us breakfast fixin's. (I love that idea--we have received tons of desserts, lunch trays and casseroles, but no one thinks about breakfast!)

Oh, and on our way in Friday night I got a speeding ticket. On a two-lane highway that expands periodically to add an acceleration lane. The cop was hiding and waiting to nail cars just as they reached top speed to pass in the accelleration lane. I am so fighting that ticket, just for the pleasure of cross-examining that cop. I lost my trial virginity to a cop--but we were on the same side that time. I am just so pissed. This is the 4th time I've made that trip in so many weeks, and I generally set my cruise w/in 5 miles of the speed limit. But leaving after work Friday was traffic hell and I was tired and frustrated by the time I finally hit open highway, only to be stuck behind a car with "Snuggle Bunny" painted on the back windshield who insisted upon adhering strictly to the speed limit. So I was joyous when I was finally able to pass and may have sped up slightly more than necessary. But I did not, and would not with my kids in the car, maintain a sustained speed on 80. And it just felt so unfair to be pulled over under the circumstances, but I refused to use my MIL's impending death as a cheesy excuse to avoid a traffic citation, so I just shrugged off the cop's questions and signed the damn ticket.

Still here

Sitting with MIL now. Early this week the doc said she had 24 hours. Later this week he said maybe 48 hours. The fact of the matter is that nobody knows. Some things just can't me put on a timetable, and death is one of them.

We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.

We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.

The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.

And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.

It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.

Restored faith in humanity

MIL is still hanging in there. We were there when the doctor visited Monday morning. He said that the young ones have more will and more physical strength and tend to hang on longer. He thought then that she had a few more days, and DH and I drove home that afternoon.

Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.

This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."

I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.

As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.

When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.

DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.

I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.

Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.

Not getting any easier

Last night we once again thought MIL was at the end. She appeared to be in a coma and her breathing slowed to the point that she was going longer than 30 seconds between breaths. But she suddenly perked up and her breathing regulated. We spent the night on sofas up here, along with SIL and her hubby, but she did fine through the night.

Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.

In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.

But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.

Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.

Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.

My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.

Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.

So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)

Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.

Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.

Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.

On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.

It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.

I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.

She's Just Not Ready to Leave

MIL is still hanging in there. Last night we thought she was done. Her pulse dropped, and her breathing became even more irregular. We were all gathered around and she told us all that she loved us and spoke to each of us separately. And we were all bawling. We really thought she was done.

And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.

But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.

After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.

But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.

She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.

We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.

The Vigil

I came out of a 2.5 hour conference call at 6:00 yesterday to a voicemail from DH telling me I needed to get the girls and return to Hometown ASAP. They really thought MIL was leaving last night. She was falling in and out of consciousness and so everyone was saying their goodbyes. Then she suddenly snapped out of it, announced that she wasn't dying and that she was planning to have pancakes for breakfast in the morning.

In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.

MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.

Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.

The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.

I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.

Spinning Plates

I think that I usually do a pretty good job of keeping all my plates in the air. But this week is harder than most. I have a production deadline in one of my biggest cases on Friday. My client finally started shipping boxes a week ago--15 of them. I spent the weekend before last reviewing docs (they came in at 6:00 Friday just in time for the weekend!), hauled boxes all the way to Hometown last weekend, and spent Sunday night after we got home digging through them.

Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.

I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.

I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.

Surreal

We're in Hometown, staying at MIL's house. It's weird bring here when she's not here. Last night someone made food for all us kids and our kids. Everyone, except MIL & FIL, was here. Like a family holiday, except with the patriarchs missing. And the talk of death and funerals, with a few funny family stories mixed in. While we were eating on MIL's very fancy and expensive dining room table, all I could think was that she would be freaking out because we did not put down place mats or a table cloth!

Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.

It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.

His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.

And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"

Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.

Marking time

We received notice last weekend that MIL is declining more quickly than anticipated and that we should visit soon. DH was actually supposed to visit last weekend, but canceled his plans after Hometown got dumped on with snow. Now he's flying out tomorrow and I am driving in with the kids on Friday.

I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.

We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.

And so we wait.

Can I keep my kids little and cute forever?

I love my twins at 8 years old. They are so funny and they still adore me and they are big enough to go out and have fun with and not have to drag along half the house with us.(I think I did a happy dance the day I realized we didn't need a diaper bag anymore!)

So today is my birthday. In keeping with family tradition, PS came down and blasted the Beatles birthday song while everybody hopped in my bed. SS gave me a porcucone (a pine cone with play-dough features to make it look like a porcupine.) TT gave me a box with drawings and precious plastic jewels. PS gave me two bottles of nail polish. Then SS sang me a birthday song and TT brought me a birthday breakfast menu, to be paid for with kisses. Finally, TT brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail.

The perfect birthday!

For DH's part, he took me to the movies on Friday--to a theater that sells food and booze. We've never been before, but I've decided that all theaters should serve mudslides and burgers. The most impressive part is that he arranged for it all by himself, including child care, without consulting me--something I've been griping about for years. He's also getting me a mini-subscription to out local musical theater company. This is big, since he hates musicals. But I will finally get to see Phantom and Wicked and we have 4 guaranteed date nights over the next several months. Woot!

And for myself, I have undergone my mid-winter de-trolling. I had my eyebrows threaded earlier in the week (which hurts like an SOB, but they look so freakin' awesome) and asked for a permanent appointment every two weeks. I colored my hair (have to for the gray, but I try to stick as close to my natural color as possible). But apparently I did not actually read the color on the box and am now "hot cinnamon red." But it's ok--I can be a sassy redhead for a while.

And I went to the upscale spa for a mani-pedi yesterday. The pedi cost more than twice what it would at the local walk-in place, but it was about 1,000 times more relaxing. I really don't like pedicures, but this one was actually pleasant and worth every cent.

I also tried the new gel-lacquer on my fingernails. It is for natural nails and is supposed to make your manicure last 2-3 weeks. I have great nails and haven't worn artificial nails in almost 15 years, but my manicures don't last more than 5 days and I suck at doing my own nails. I'm anxious to see how well this holds up.

Playing with the boys

As a female litigator I am frequently the only girl in the room. I am the only female attorney in my office except for a part-timer who generally stays hidden away and handles primarily transactional matters. Virtually all other attorneys and clients that I encounter are male. In fact, I don't believe that I have ever gone to a hearing or deposition where I faced a female opponent.

So it's always a bit of a challenge keeping up in with the guys' conversations. Lately the hot topic has been football and soon it will be baseball. I am not a huge sports fan, but I listen to sports radio in the mornings so that I can contribute something to the conversation, and I keep up with our local teams.

I went to lunch with several partners this week and the topic was movies. Guy movies. They spent a good 15 minutes quoting the Godfather (which I have never seen, because I don't watch violent movies) and then moved on to Star Wars (which I have seen because my husband is a huge Star Wars fan, but I do not recall the significance of Boba Fett's contribution and whether he was only popular because of his action figure).

So, ladies, how do you keep up with conversations in this male-dominated field? I'm sure they don't want to hear about how I am reading The Other Boleyn Girl (which is quite good, but is starting to drag it bit--I'm 3/4 through and just ready for Anne's head to roll), or how fantastic my new zen eyebrow threader is.

Drama in LC's hood

So for the past couple of weeks I have been hearing tales of the little boys down the street pushing, hitting and throwing things at my girls. (They've also ripped branches off my trees and broken my flower pots.) This information came from the girls, my nanny and the neighbor across the street who's son has witnessed Bratty Neighbors and who has attested to the brattiness of Bratty Neighbors.

Being disinclined to insert myself into a schoolyard scuffle, I told the girls to avoid the Bratty Neighbors and defend themselves if necessary.

By all accounts my girls were not the instigators, and honestly, it would be quite out of character for them to be aggressive--physically or verbally--with other kids.

Apparently today the mother of Bratty Neighbors came down to my house and got ugly with my nanny, and so it seemed the time for me to get involved.* DH and I walked down to neighbor's house where I informed her that any issues that she needed to address in the future should be addressed directly to me and that she should not have contact with my nanny. That was it. I didn't raise my voice and I didn't get ugly.

Then she went off. Making excuses, calling everybody involved a liar. And she would not STFU.

I am not the type to get into screaming matches with my neighbors, despite my white trash background. So I told her to keep her kids out of my yard or I would file a restraining order and press trespassing charges.

And then her husband called me a bitch. I hardly noticed, but DH, who had been standing by quietly by, got all riled up. Swoon! He's never had to defend my honor and I was quite impressed with his rapid response.

Anyway, I walked off, hoping DH would follow me before punches were thrown. Of course that just infuriated them more. Clearly these were people who couldn't be reasoned with. DH stayed behind for quite some time to try to deal with them.

I simply do not know how to deal with people like this. I could hear the woman going on and on from my house, three doors down and across the street. What do you do? Am I really going to take out a restraining order on an 8 year old? Hardly, even if he is pushing down my kids and tearing the branches off my trees. But his parents obviously don't give a damn what he does.

For now my kids are banished to their own backyard and are bummed that they can't ride bikes out front with their friends. I don't know what crazy lady is going to do next, but I don't want to feed her drama. And I'm sure as hell not going to let her take it out on my kids.

*A significant side note: About 4 years ago I called CPS on one of their kids. DH and I were putting raised flower beds in the front yard and were outside the entire weekend. The little boy--who looked to be about 2 (much younger than my twins) was outside the entire weekend. No parents ever checked on him, no older sibling. He was running back and forth the street (without looking) and had a disgusting green snotty note. So yeah, I reported them for neglect. And apparently they know that it was me, which does not make me any more popular with them. But they asked me tonight (our first conversation ever) and I owned it and said yes I did, because I'm licensed by the state I am a required reporter and a very young child running all over the neighborhood with no supervision looked like neglect.

FYI--Dead Bodies Do Not Belong on Facebook

Yesterday a picture of my nieces and nephews popped up on FB. Upon closer inspection they appeared to be standing in front of a casket. So I clicked on the album so see the image up close. The first picture in the album was a close-up of dead woman in a casket. The rest of the album pictured additional pictures of the deceased along with photos of various people hanging out around the casket.

WTF??? Personally, I think it is bizarre to take pictures of dead people in the first place, although I know it is not especially uncommon. But to post them on Facebook??? In what world is that appropriate? It just seems to be incredibly disrespectful to the deceased.

No drama at LC's house--yea!

Nothing exciting happening here. Apparently nobody was too worried about my 8 year olds--ahem, 12 year olds--because nothing more has come of it.

Work is crazy busy. My new secretary starts Monday, which is great since I've been without a secretary for the last month. I have to convince whomever is available to help me--and of course there are always one or two who are perpetually "too busy." My former secretary and I have been getting along splendidly (no, that's not sarcasm) since she's been reassigned. Maybe she decided I wasn't so bad after finding out what else is out there. Her new attorney is very possessive.

I got to interview my new secretary. I've never had a say in my secretary before--and apparently associates don't generally get to interview their secretaries. But my firm seemed to think it was really important for me to be involved in the interview process so that it would be clear from the beginning that I would be her boss. I warned her that I am a control freak and demanding, but I don't think she believed me.

DH and I are fighting--that's always fun! Right now we're in ignore-each-other mode, which I guess is better than yell-at-each-other mode. I wish we'd just get to make-up-sex mode, but since nobody is apologizing, I guess we're not there yet.

Drama at LC's house

The kids are still out of school and the nanny called in sick on Monday, so I sent the twins to the local gymnastics place for the week (they have child care available during all school breaks and the kids love it.)

Last night DH picked them up, and once they got home realized that there was no food in the house for dinner. (I was working late.) The twins were pooped from playing all day, so he decided to leave them home while he and PS picked up burgers from a place literally 2 minutes from our house.

Yes, the twins are 8 years old. No, I do not know what possessed DH to think that it was ok to leave two 8-year olds home alone. He said they were really tired and he did not they would move from the couch during the 15 minutes he anticipated being gone. (I may or may not have yelled at him for his lapse in judgment.)

So, while the allegedly tired twins were home alone, they "accidentally" dialed 911. The 911 operator asked SS how old she was. SS says that she was afraid they would get taken away with us if she told the truth, so she told the 911 operator she was 12. The 911 operator asked who else was home, and SS said, "my twin." TT then got on the phone and confirmed to the 911 operator that they were 12.

Then a cop showed up at the house (protocol whenever there is a 911 call) to "make sure everything was ok." And the girls opened the door and let him in! (Yet another reason 8 year olds should not be left home alone!) Seconds later, DH returned and the cop confirmed everything was ok and left. The cop came in the front, DH came in the back, and we don't know whether the cop realized that DH actually wasn't home.

In addition to being furious with DH and the twins, I am concerned that the cop will file a CPS report. DH said the cop didn't seem concerned at all, but who knows what department policy is. CPS has 72-hours to investigate if there is not an immediate threat of harm, and that window has not passed yet.

My state has no law setting a minimum age at which a child can be left alone, but that doesn't mean CPS can't launch an investigation. Having worked in the DA's office and the child advocacy clinic, I've seen my share of CPS reports. They come into your home, evaluate the cleanliness, take pictures of the food in your your fridge and cabinets (a cabinet full of Froot Loops can and will be used against you in a court of law if you don't have any real fruit in your house), note child safety issues. interview your children, their teachers and your neighbors. NIGHTMARE!

I'm not really worried about the outcome, but the process scares the crap out of me.

The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that both of my twins lied to the 911 operator--instantly and without hesitation. And where the heck did they get the notion that they would be taken away if someone knew they were home alone? These girls are going to be trouble when they are teenagers.

Another entry for my baby lawyer book

Today I brought in my first client! On a $2 million case! Plus some general counsel-type work. Woot!

The need to be needed

I have always felt that I had a stronger bond with oldest DD. Like she is truly a piece of me. She looks like me, she acts like me. The twins don't look like me at all. And they have distinctive personalities, that don't really reflect me in the way that PS does.

I'm sure it's partly because PS is the oldest and was an only child for almost 3 years. When she was born we had just moved to a new town, and I was a SAHM who didn't really know anybody. For the most of the day, it was just PS and me.

And then came her sisters after an unbelievably difficult pregnancy. Newborn twins were no cakewalk, either. I felt like a milking machine, and I don't think I had four hours of consecutive sleep for a full 6 months. I have always felt a little cheated out of their newborn months because I was so busy juggling two infants and a three-year old to enjoy the sweetness of my babies.

But the other side of the coin is that neither of the twins has ever needed me in the way that PS did. Because they always had each other. Generally, the most important person in a young child's life is her mom. But not with twins--because their twin will always be the person that they have the strongest bond with. My biggest fear is that something will happen to one of my twins--because not only would I have to endure the tragedy of losing a child, but I would have to live with watching my child lose her other half. (I went to school with a pair of inseparable identical twins, and one of them was killed in a car accident. It was heartbreaking to watch her sister try to cope.) My twins hated being separated when they were younger and have always been the best of friends. They never had separation anxiety from me when they were toddlers--they were perfectly content to be left with any stranger, as long as they were together.

Anyway, this weekend TT and I are home together while the rest of the family is in Hometown. I was hoping that it would be a great, rare opportunity for one-on-one time. But once again, TT doesn't need me--she needs her sister. She has asked over and over to call or text her. I tried to take her to the movies, but she doesn't want to go without her sister. We finally agreed to rent a movie, but she was still concerned about getting something that SS wants to see. She has just seemed so sad and lonely all day, despite my multiple offers to entertain her. (Of course, it doesn't help that her sisters are getting to play with their cousins and are opening presents!)

I'll admit that my feelings are a little bit hurt. I was really hoping for a mommy-daughter day, and it just didn't turn out that way. Tomorrow the rest of the family returns and it will be chaos once again. I just hope that TT doesn't grow up thinking that I never spent time with her.

Whoa Nelly...

We were all supposed to be heading to hometown today for our belated Christmas celebration. Bob was boarded, suitcases were packed. But at 7:00 this morning SS woke us up to inform us that her twin was throwing up. So TT and I are home while the rest of our family is in hometown (and the twins are texting each other using our phones, which I think is totally cute!).

So after learning that I did not make it to town, my grandmother called to tell me that for the kids' Christmas this year they are giving them nice contributions to their college accounts. Woot! My kids have way to much junk and I am thrilled to make a start on their college funds.

That's right--I said a start. It's true, I don't have college funds started. (They do have savings accounts where I put their birthday money, but they aren't designated as college funds.) Mostly because our goal so far has been to pay for my education, and we are just now (admittedly belatedly) hitting the point where we are in a financial position to contribute to their college funds.

I have been thinking about this issue lately--but hadn't looked seriously into it. Until today. I just plugged some numbers into a college-savings calculator and apparently I need to save $58,000/year if I want to send all three of my girls to 4-year private colleges! Nearly $700,000 total. Holy crapola! That doesn't even contemplate grad school. Clearly their college will not be paid in full by the time they enroll.

But all is not lost. We should be able to make a decent contribution over the next 6-9 years. Our income will continue to grow. One or more of them may choose public school--TT is already convinced that she wants to go to a nationally ranked public school just 3 hours from home (the perfect distance for a little independence while still being close to mom!). And we can finance part of their educations when the time comes, if necessary. We are young enough that we won't exactly be heading into retirement when the girls go off to school, so taking out some loans is not too worrisome. And maybe they'll even get some scholarships.

Neither my parents nor DH's contributed anything to our college educations. We both feel like we missed out on the whole college experience because we worked full time the entire time we were in school. And graduating with loads of student loans was more than a little overwhelming. I don't want my kids to be in the same situation. So I guess my New Year's resolution is to start saving for college.

Adios, 2009!

I distinctly remember where I was at the end of the last decade. We were spending the holidays in hometown and staying with the in-laws. And then both DH and PS got the flu. PS was 15 months old at the time and the sickest she had ever been. For that matter, DH was the sickest I had ever seen him. I think I spent the whole night taking care of the two of them.

Of course, there have been big changes in the last decade. We've added two more kids to our family, bought a house, I've gone from a SAHM to a lawyer, DH got his Master's, and our combined income has increased five-fold.

The last year has had plenty of changes too--and not all good. We learned that MIL's cancer had returned and that it is inoperable and incurable and that the new year will be her last.

I learned how harsh the legal field can be when I tired working 200+ hours/month for laughable wages and started looking for another job, only to have an offer fall through after my manipulative asshole former-boss refused to waive a conflict. But I refused to fall prey to his manipulation and quit my job in the middle of the worst economic downturn in my lifetime. I spent the summer questioning my sanity before ending up at a firm that offered a far better work environment and better pay. I am no longer the stepchild hidden in the closet, doing all the work and getting no credit. I speak directly with clients, make decisions about the direction of my cases, sign the pleadings I draft, and have bosses who actually consider and respect my opinion. Just this morning I took a document to my boss and he said, "I don't think you should do X, instead you should do Y." I said, "Well, I considered doing Y," and I explained why I did X instead. Big Boss said, "You're right, send it like it is." Evil former boss would never have given me the opportunity to explain my reasoning.

Oh, and I finally got to take my kids to Disney World--a trip I have been trying to take for at least 2 years.

I don't know what to expect in 2010. We know there will be sadness ahead. Hopefully less professional upheaval.

I really don't know what to expect over the next decade. We will surely lose more family members--my grandparents are now in their 80s. My children will all graduate high school and DH and I will be headed into our empty-nester years--and almost 25 years of marriage (it was 14 yesterday!). I will hopefully make significant professional accomplishments, travel, pay off my student loans (ok, that could be a pipe dream!)

I am generally happy with my life right now. I have good kids, I have a good husband, I have a good job, finances are decent and stand to get better. There's not much more I could ask for.

End of the Year Business

My phone rang off the wall today as I worked to settle two of my cases before the end of the year. One was messy and would not have been fun to try. The other was the first case I was given at my new firm and has been a thorn in my side ever since. I'm happy that it settled but a tiny bit bummed that I don't get to go to trial--the setting was in just three weeks.

It was also the first case that I have ever had to be a real hard-ass on. The other side completely dropped the ball and blew their discovery deadlines (and every other deadline in the case) and refused to respond to any communications from me. I had a motion to compel hearing set a week ago, but delayed it after they agreed to answer my discovery by the 28th. (Didn't really have a choice. The judge would have poured me out if I had gone to the hearing with an agreement to produce discovery--and he certainly wouldn't have compelled them to produce earlier than the date to which they agreed.)

So the earliest new hearing date I could get was Jan 7th. Dec. 28th came and went, and once, again no discovery--with an enforceable written agreement that I had filed with the court! But again, there was not much I could do--I already had the earliest hearing date possible.

Still I maintained my hardass position that we would absolutely be ready to try this case in 3 weeks, that the other side lost its opportunity to obtain discovery from us, that they waived all objections to our discovery requests by failing to timely respond, and that they had neglected to appoint experts or challenge our experts. Good luck explaining that complete and utter failure to the court when you ask for a continuance. I've never seen an attorney completely ignore deadlines without so much as a phone call with an excuse. (And around here at least one extension is routinely given if asked for.)

I guess they finally believed me because I got an offer today, and after a bit of haggling, I had a favorable settlement for my clients. Yea! Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the check actually shows up as promised.

The good, the bad and the mediocre

So we're back from our Disney vacation, and I have to say that overall, it was fantastic.
We did the full-on Disney package. We stayed on property at the Port Orleans resort and did the dining plan, which meant all of our meals were prepaid.

The Good
The twins were the perfect age, big enough to ride everything and walk the parks, but still young enough to really enjoy wearing mouse ears and meeting the characters. I loved seeing the pure joy in their faces throughout our trip. PS enjoyed it too, but she eschewed the mouse ears in favor of a Jack Skellington fedora and she had to be threatened into posing for a pic with Tigger. At 11 she's just too cool for Pooh.

Before our trip I bought two trip-planning programs, Tour Guide Mike and RideMax, to help plan where to go and when. I used the two together and they worked out great. We were at Disney World during the busiest time of year, and we never stood in line more than 15 minutes and got to do everything that we wanted. DH made fun of my excessive planning, but it really allowed us to get the most out of our trip.

One afternoon the girls did The Pirates League, where they were made over into pirates. I had a 50% discount because we were staying on property, and it was well worth the cost. The experience was great, the girls loved being pirates, and they got to take home lots of booty and photos of their pirate-selves. The icing on the cake: later that afternoon TT was chosen to participate in Jack Sparrow's pirate tutorial!

The best part--the kids rode everything! Going in DH and I were worried because we are roller coaster fanatics and the kids have historically been wussies. TT loved all of the big rides except Tower of Terror. (Actually, all of the kids hated Tower of Terror, which was a bummer since it is my fave.) I, however, am getting old and did not love Mission Space or Rockin' Rollercoaster :( But overall we had a great time on the rides.

The Bad
The crowds were large, but the worst was the lack of civility. I twice had to go mama bear after adults shoved their way in front of my children during a parade and fireworks viewing. The entire time there was a huge amount of pushing and shoving--we even saw a screaming lady drop the f-bomb after she was called out for line-jumping at Dumbo.

I think mannerless mindset is partly cultural and partly due to people spending so much money on a Disney vacation that they feel they deserve to be the first and have the best of everything.

Oh, and I may have been not-so-sweet to my neighbors after they came stomping into their hotel room like a herd of elephants at 1:00 a.m. and continued to maintain a full volume conversation for the next 30 minutes while their child screamed with laughter at an insane volume (not an infant--I would have been more understanding of a child too young to know better.) Believe me, you do not want to meet me wild-haired and bleary-eyed in the middle of the night. I am not a nice person.

The mediocre

The food. Disney food was chain-restaurant average all the way around. I think Disney is afraid of flavor. We didn't have any great meals, although the breakfast with Cinderella was better than anything else we ate in the parks and worth the ridiculous cost to visit the inside of the castle and have guaranteed face time with all of the princesses. We also enjoyed Teppan Edo, a hibachi place. Our cook was far more entertaining than the ones at home usually are, but the food was bland and fried rice was not an option (hibachi fried rice is the best!)

The dining plan was not really a cost-saver. We were given much more food than we would normally eat (like dessert with every meal--we rarely have dessert), which makes like the dining plan is a better deal than it really is. But we probably broke even with what we would have spent, and it was nice to have our meals take care of and not to have to budget for food.

And our room was Holiday Inn average--certainly not in keeping with the cost. But it was clean and adequate and convenient to be on property. Also, we had little choice in which property we stayed at because we are a family of five and most of the Disney hotels cater to families of four. An upgrade to a suite in a deluxe hotel would have substantially increased the cost of our trip, and the suites in the lower-priced hotels consist of multiple fold-out beds. I am not paying well over $200/night to sleep on a fold out chair.

The internal bus system worked well, although our hotel was quite distant from some of the parks.

I think that if we ever go back we'll rent a condo, but it was nice for the kids to have the full experience on their first visit. I don't see us returning for a few years because there are so many other great places I want to visit (and honestly, we could have gone to Europe for what this trip cost!), but I am so glad that we went when we did.

We're on our way

The last week has been insane with wrapping up all of my work projects and packing for our trip. And then there was a sick kid thrown into the mix. My poor nanny worked 13 hours on Thursday because sick kid was home from school, DH had already left town to visit his mom before her surgery, and I had a way-too-long day at work. Fortunately, I think she appreciated the larger -than-normal paycheck just before Christmas.

MIL's docs decided at the last minute that she couldn't tolerate the major surgery they originally intended to perform yesterday. Instead, they performed a less invasive surgery and MIL can finally go home on Sunday--they have been at the cancer center since before Thanksgiving! Hopefully she will be strong enough for a second surgery in mid-January.

DH and I feel much more comfortable taking our trip since MIL had the lesser surgery and will be in her own home for Christmas. Also, DH and his three sibs (including a 37-week pregnant sister) got to visit with his mom before her surgery and I think they all appreciated having the core family there without the chaos that the rest of us bring (their original family of 6 has expanded to 19--20 next week!)

So we started our Disney journey this morning, drove all day and are now in a hotel 4 hours away. We should be at the Mouse House by tomorrow afternoon! The drive wasn't even too bad. I think I appreciated the monotony after an excessively chaotic week.

I may be the most hated lawyer in the state by New Year's

I filed four petitions this week and they all require answers by January 4th--the Monday after the holidays. I would never have intentionally filed something so that a response would require another lawyer to toil over a holiday. I had an answer due the Monday after Thanksgiving and I was silently cursing the lawyer who filed that suit when I was still at the office at 8:30 the Wednesday before t-day efiling my answer and removal to federal court. So I am feeling a little guilty about my poor timing.

Two of the filings couldn't be avoided. One was a limitations issue and the other was a race to the courthouse after pre-suit settlement negotiations went south quickly. The other two had been sitting on my desk for a couple of weeks and could have been filed a week earlier or a week late had I realized the response date before filing. (Which isn't entirely possible anyway, since the answer date is based on service, not filing.)

The good news is these suits are all in state court where a general denial will suffice and amendments are allowed--so a basic answer could be generated in about 10 minutes.

Holiday Chaos

We planned many months ago to take the kids to Disney for Christmas. The trip has been booked for months and paid for weeks ago. I chose that week, in part, because it is the easiest time for me to get away from work. But now it is apparent that this is really not the best time to be taking a cross-country trip.

MIL has been stuck in cancer-center town since before Thanksgiving, and we have learned since then that we likely have only a few months left with her. So we have been struggling for the last few weeks with whether to cancel our trip. We decided to proceed as scheduled because 1) we are never in hometown for Christmas, always the weekend after, so we are not really breaking tradition by not being with family on Christmas Day itself. In our view, it doesn't matter the exact day as long as the whole family is together;2) the kids know about this trip and are counting on it; and 3) DH's sister is having a planned c-section on December 28. So by going to hometown after Christmas, we can see the new baby and MIL can truly have the whole family together.

Still, it was a difficult decision to come to and we are feeling a little judged by the people around us.

And the situation has gotten more sticky in the last few days. MIL will be having surgery next Friday--the day before we are scheduled to leave. She'll be hospitalized for the week following, so she will not be able to return to hometown by Christmas. Hopefully she can return home by New Year's.

So the current plan is for DH to drive to cancer-center town on Thursday so that he can visit with his mom before the surgery, and sit with his dad during. I'll head down with the girls Friday night after work. We'll all head out on our trip Saturday morning, and FIL will have the use of DH's car while we are gone. On the way back home the following weekend, DH and the girls can spend another night there while I head back to town for work on Monday. And then for New Year's we'll head where ever MIL is.

So is it totally selfish to still take this trip? I don't know. I don't think that we would spend the week in cancer-center town if we weren't going to Disney. And DH's other, not pregnant sister and her family will drive down Christmas weekend to be with the inlaws. Regardless, the whole family couldn't be together, because he pregnant sister certainly can't travel that far from home. And if all goes well, the whole family will be together the next weekend.

In the meantime, I have to get us completely packed THIS weekend. And we have volunteered to work a huge event Sunday morning. And I don't know when we will have our small family's Christmas. Most of the gifts I have bought the girls revolve around this trip. We were planning to open gifts the night before we left, but now DH won't be here. And I will have to load the car by myself. after I get home Thursday night so that we can leave the second I get home on Friday night. And I have a hearing on Friday, and I know that I am likely to work late, wrapping up all the loose ends that must be taken care of before I am out for a week.

So I am feeling guilty and stressed and grinchy. Both DH and I have been very blessed up to this point and have never had to deal with a long, horrible, painful ending to the life of someone we love. The whole situation has us dazed and in a funk and wondering if we are handling things the way we are supposed to be.

Happy Dance--The Third

Had my performance review today. Got a glowing review, they love me, have no complaints. :) And I got a raise and a bonus.

This has been a good week.

Happy Dance--Part 2

So my work computer died today. Kaput. Wouldn't boot at all.

Which sounds like a bad thing, except they have already replaced with with a brand new imac with a 27" monitor and wireless keyboard and wheel-less scroll mouse. Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

I heart my new humongous monitor. Just in time, too, since I billed 11.5 hours today and the rest of the week (or year) isn't looking much better. Maybe it will prevent me from going blind before I'm 40.