A Different Way of Thinking

My brain is always working, trying to figure out how to finance the sunroom I've always wanted, or how to buy the hot tub Mr. Tide and I would both enjoy slipping into after a long day of yard work.  So I'm always thinking about the next story I can write or the next photo shoot I can do.  I'm what you might call and expert schemer!

This can be frustrating at times, especially since the economy has had a major impact on print media.  Almost all publications have tightened up their belts in order to stay afloat, and as we all know, some of our beloved magazines could no longer keep all of the plates up in the air, and they went under.


I've been lucky, even though I could never pay the bills on my own with my writing and photography alone, I've been able to help at least a little.  Writers don't really make heaps of money, though I think that some people think they do...and no one wishes this was true more than me!

So about 6 months ago, I decided to pursue photography which is more lucrative, but the competition is even more fierce than that of a freelance writer, so I knew that it would be an uphill battle.  My goal was to maybe work for a few magazines in time, and to do some fine art photography with a little portrait work too.  People, like my friend Fifi O'Neill, and the editors at several other magazines have been SO good to me!  Fifi believed in me and gave me my first opportunity when I shot some bedding for Romantic Country, and then the Ekster Barn shoot, and for both of those assignments I will be forever thankful!

I know a lot of people look at Fifi and think, wow I wish I lived her life.  Trust me, she works like a dog, and way harder than I would ever want to.  She is constantly on the road and schlepping heavy furniture and accessories hither and yon to get the perfect shot, so I don't envy her, but I do admire her!!

Today, while sitting at my make-up mirror I began to think, something I always do, but today it was different.  Instead of thinking about what I "need" or "want" I began thinking about the way I think about things.

Last night Mr. Tide and I spent the whole evening just hanging out.  First we went out in the kayaks and  it was a perfect evening.  When we got back we went for a dip in the neighbors pool and that was wonderfully relaxing.  As we floated around in the pool we talked about how nice it would be to have our own pool...or that elusive hot tub.  And of course that conversation always gives way to our need for a truck, college tuition, and all of the other "stuff" that is a priority over the fun extraneous things we have to pay for in life.

So this morning as I revisited our "wouldn't it be nice to have" conversation from last night, it dawned on me...I've been looking at life the wrong way.  I've been out there trying to grab the brass ring when it's been sitting here in front of me the whole time.

Now if you think I'm going to wax poetic on appreciating everything I have, I hate to disappoint you because I'm not.  I do appreciate every single thing I have, most of all my family and their health and happiness, but there are still things I want.  Things like a hot tub that I know would do both Mr. Tide and me some good, so I need to figure out how to make those things happen and so far what I'm doing hasn't been working.

I have to face facts that editors aren't lining up to use my photos and the stories aren't going to get any more steady.  So what's a girl to do?  Well I sat down with our latest credit card bill and began formulating a plan.  We use our credit card to buy almost everything because we pay it off each month and we get cash back, so it makes sense to use it.

I have to admit that I was amazed, and frankly a bit appalled by our spending habits.  So I'm taking the reins, cutting the fat, and getting back to basics so that we can afford a few of the luxuries in life.  Our biggest area for cutting back...eating out!  So Panera, I love your Fuji Apple Chicken Salad, but for now we will have to just be once a month friends!  And Target, you know I adore your pretty kitchen products in lovely bottles, but you gotta go hun, since I'm the only one who admires you I can go with something a little less attractive.

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and I "need" a hot tub, and a few new lenses, and a truck.  Not that those things are going to be bought with some simple cost cutting techniques, but every little bit helps, and in time I know I'll get all of those things.  But more importantly I hope to get my life back!

All of the time I spend contacting galleries to represent my work, sending off query letters to magazines, creating vignettes on my blog in hopes I'll catch someone's eye can now be spent on staying close to home, working in my yard, kayaking, and enjoying what I already have while saving money.

When I first stated my blog, I remember visiting another woman's blog and reading her post.  She was stopping her blog and in that post she wrote about how she wanted to get back to doing the things that inspired her to start her blog in the first place...in her case it was running.  At the time I remember thinking, "what, give up your blog, but it's so much fun, why would you do that?"  Now I get it.

I'm not giving up my blog, I don't feel like I need to do something that extreme, but I will be making some changes.  I won't spend nearly as much time online, it just isn't good for me, and I won't take pictures because I think someone else might like them, I will take them because I like them.  I also won't browse stores, both online and in real life and think to myself, "oh that would be perfect for a blog post on _____________!"  

How many of us out there in blog land have spent money that could have been better used some place else in order to create a post that other people would like?!  If you haven't ever done that, well good for you, but I have, and I'm done now.  The question then becomes...is your blog running you, or are you running your blog?!

So see that pretty little seagull container in the pictures above?  Well it will be my last "me" purchase for awhile.  It came from one of my favorite stores, Traditions of Loveville, and I love it, but the truth is I didn't "need" it.  And I have 2 portrait shoots scheduled this week, so I'm getting "real" about what can and can't make me money as a photographer.  If the magazine editors start calling, well that would be great, but I can't sit here on the computer feeding a dream that may never materialize.  Instead, I will hone my craft whatever way I can knowing that it will all pay off in the long run.

And that hot tub will become a reality, just not right now.  But when it does...those jets will feel mighty good, kind of like finding my way a little bit this morning as I move into a new and different way of thinking!

Authentic

My last post has been a long time in the making, and many of my closest blog friends saw the writing on the wall.  Like so many of my fellow bloggers, I'm an all or nothing kind of person.  If there was a type AAA personality that would be me!  I tend to assume that others have expectations of me, when often those expectations are self imposed.  Call it southern guilt as my friend Connie says, or whatever makes me feel this way.  As my daughter reminded me in a lovely email, I'm the one who always says "quit worrying so much what other people think!"

Too bad I often don't take my own good advice.  We women are famous for that though aren't we, tending to everyone else and putting ourselves last on the "to do" list.

Your comments actually made me cry, and let me tell you folks, that's saying something.  I didn't cry at my mother or my father's funerals, so it takes a lot to make me cry.  And maybe that's part of the problem too, maybe I am always trying to be so strong, so together, and so capable that I don't get to be as authentic as I should be.  As true to myself and I want to be.

I tell others to blog about what they love, not to worry what other people will think, not to care, and then I worry and care about those same things myself.  I wonder how many of us truly are able to go through life not giving a damn what anyone else thinks, I'm betting the numbers are fairly low.  Do we ever truly soar without fear of losing our way and the worry that we'll come crashing back to earth?!

When I started this blog of mine, one of my dreams was to get my writing out there in the hopes that I would eventually write for some major magazines.  I've been more than blessed to realize this dream and so much more thanks to my blog!  And for that I will forever be grateful.

Along the way, I have gained so much, but I have lost a little bit too.  I've lost time because I have invested a lot into my blog, and I've lost money too because the time I spend trying to keep all the plates in the air is time I should be using to reach the next set of goals I have.  I don't even know how bloggers who create, constantly decorate, and shop for their reader's pleasure are able to manage, I know I could not.

I have a family that supports me unconditionally, they are my biggest fans and my greatest cheerleaders and to say I'm lucky would be like saying the ocean has a little bit of water in it!  But it's time I stop just chasing dreams and work towards making them a reality and one that pays me in cold hard cash for my efforts.

When I started my blog, I was explaining how something crazy had happened to me that day.  My dear friend Julie said to me, "now that is a blog I would read!"  What she meant was that she loved seeing all the pretty pictures and beautifully decorated rooms, but to her, a blog she could relate to would be one where dogs aren't just cute but they sometimes also throw up.  Where houses are beautiful and dusty at the same time.  Authentic life, unfiltered, not retouched, hanging out there for all to see.

I can't be "that" authentic, but I think I need to change things to be more true to who I am and what I want.  Your responses have filled me with so much hope and better yet, courage.  Courage to be myself, to post what I want to post, to follow that great advice that I give to others but tend to ignore myself.

I will take time for myself and not worry if it's been 2 or 15 days since my last post.  I won't worry if I can't reply to comments or visit every blog in the universe.  I will be myself and I will learn that being still isn't being lazy, it's simply being quiet so that I can hear what "I" have to say to myself.  I won't placate myself and think, things will be fine now, and then find myself back in the same boat again just a few months from now.  This is a pattern that needs to be stopped dead in it's tracks.  I need to be who I am, for what it's worth.

My artwork was recently picked up by a lovely gallery, and when I got home my husband said "aren't you so excited?!"  I said "I'll be excited when someone buys something," which is so like me!  I will learn to cherish the joys and live in the moment!  I will turn those negative "what ifs" into positive "so whats" and I will be the only person I can be...ME!

So from the bottom of my heart, thank You for letting me be ME!  Where we'll end up at the end of the ride I still don't know, but thank you for getting in my banged up old pick up and riding along!

Blog Hatin'

The photos in this post are not good, and frankly they were never meant to be shared since most of them aren't in focus, but they just seemed appropriate for the topic of this post.

I also want to forewarn you that this post may be offensive to some of you, so read further at your own discretion.

In real life, just as online I've been very fortunate.  I try and treat people the way I hope to be treated and most of the time it works out well.  I've been very lucky to have met so many wonderful people through blogging and to see some amazingly talented men and women through this wonderful thing called the internet.  I had heard horror stories about blog jealousy, nasty emails, and bitter anonymous comments, but I have managed to avoid most of this and frankly I think it's been pure luck.

Over the past few months I've had a few email exchanges or read other blogger's posts about how they haven't been so lucky.  I've heard stories about how people will literally harass other bloggers if they don't follow someone back, or if their blog is becoming too popular, etc.  I've seen mean accusations flying around about people stealing photos and using people's pictures without their permission.  And it's like a match being thrown on a parched field of grain...it spreads like wildfire and leaves devastation in its wake!

I even thought twice before deciding to do this post, wondering if I wouldn't be fanning the flames and likely to cause a bit of drama here on my own blog by even bringing this up.  After all, I have been pretty lucky in avoiding everything but the occasional mean spirited comment.  But then I thought, if I see other bloggers, friends, strangers, whomever suffering the ill effects of this sort of behavior and I turn a blind eye to it, then how am I really any different from those who choose to use the internet as a means of bullying?!  So I decided I would speak out about what I sometimes see in the blog world.


 

I mentioned in a post a while ago how most of my friends growing up, and even to this day are men, and there's a reason for that.  Women can be mean...I mean really mean to one another, and I've never understood why?!  Just like in high school when a girl would show up in the latest designer clothes, or carrying an expensive purse, or even with the latest fashionable haircut you could almost smell the blood in the water and see the sharks circling.  And it wasn't just the fashionable, popular girls who suffered the fate of being eaten alive, it was also the girls who a select few decided just didn't fit in, so they too were punished for whatever shortcomings they were determined to have!

I managed to stay away from all of this by being an athlete and being a generally funny, happy go lucky sort of person, but it enraged me when I saw it happening to others and I would often wait until an opportune moment to lob a bit of a dig at someone who I knew was always willing to dish it out, but clearly couldn't take it.  I developed a bit of a sarcastic reputation with some, while others saw me as someone who wouldn't just walk by and ignore their plight.  Now I'm no Mother Teresa, but I don't like seeing people get picked on...in real life or online!

Like the swans in my pictures, I often see people starting trouble due to a complete lack of self confidence on their own part.  Sometimes when the swans fight it appears to be for no real reason at all, and their beauty belies their ability to truly hurt one another.  Thankfully this phenomenon of blog jealousy and in-fighting is relegated to a tiny portion of the otherwise wonderful blogging community, but they are there, and like a thorn on a beautiful rose, they sometimes overshadow the beauty of the entire flower!

Do people really have so much time on their hands that they can spend their days trolling the blog world to seek out others to pick on?!  I dream of a world with that much time, but I can assure you that if I find it I won't be wasting that precious time on trying to bring someone else down.

Women and men blog for all sorts of reasons.  It can be for the shear fun of it, the opportunity to have a voice which they feel they lack in real life, to find friends, to share a love or passion for something, and the list goes on and on.  Whether you agree with or like someone else's blog is really up to you.  So if you don't like someone's blog or what they post about then move on down the street to the next blog.

Those people who feel the need to control and dictate what others portray on their blogs should really get over themselves!  I mean really, who died and made you king anyway?!  Hey that's kind of catchy, maybe I'll write a song! ;-)

Sadly, online is really no different than real life.  There are people online who will pretend to be something they aren't, they'll profess religion or knowledge, or whatever in order to justify their behaviors and they'll be mean when it would be so easy to be nice.  As I said this is such a small segment of the community, but unfortunately a very vocal one at times!

We all work hard to make our blogs something special.  And we all hope that what we post touches others in some way, but it's not a competition folks.  It's a big wide internet out there, so if someone has more followers than you, or they have a meteoric rise, then it doesn't in any way diminish you in any way.  There's no need to be bitter, and ultimately mean if someone is creating something you are jealous of, it doesn't take anything away from you.  If you think you have the market cornered on decor, design, or anything else for that matter then you must be living inside a very thick bubble and whether another blogger breaks your bubble or not, it will get broken some day.

We women need to lift one another up, not tear each other down, and most of you get that, but to those who don't I simply feel sorry for you.  I have a thick skin and know that when people speak harshly or try and undermine me for no good reason that they are really just afraid of looking in the mirror, so they turn that anger outward towards others.

To my friends who have been the victims of this type of petty jealousy and general bullying, I say stand strong!  

Just remember this quote from Dr. Seuss...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." 

So the next time you see someone have success with their blog, get sponsors, buy a new camera, or do a great job with a project, stand up and cheer for them.  You might be next, and you'll want those same cheers and supportive comments coming your way.  Those of you who already do this, keep doin' what you're doin' and to those who don't...I say try it, you might like it!  What goes around comes around my friends!

Things I Know - It's a Short List

(photo above taken by Mr. Tide and processed into an HDR image by yours truly)

One year ago today I decided to do something I swore I would never do...I started a blog.  Now don't misunderstand, I had nothing against blogs, as a matter of fact, I was kind of addicted to a few, but ME write a blog?!

Mr. Tide had been bugging me for a long time to start a blog, but I had declined at every turn.  You see, I kind of have the attention span of a gnat...it's not pretty, my friends.  You can ask my real life friends about my knitting phase, my painting phase, and I once stayed up all night to make a cross-stitch wedding sampler before I got married because I knew that when the sun rose I would not have the slightest interest in doing needlework for a very long time. 

I also write for a living, so the idea of writing more stuff just sounded like more work frankly.  But after being the last people on the planet to watch Julie and Julia (I know, I know, it's been the inspiration for about a bazillion other bloggers) I thought...hmm maybe I can do this.

I thought, maybe it will give me some freedom from what I do for work and I'll be able to write about any old thing that pops into this feeble brain of mine.  So on January 4th, 2010, I put fingernails to keyboard and created my first post.  I had no clue if it would ever be read, or if I would ever do another post, so the fact that I'm still standing a year and 317 posts later is nothing short of a miracle!

And along the way people actually followed me and read my rantings and cheered me along...who knew?!  I have been amazed, inspired, encouraged, and embraced over this last year in a way I never expected and even if I shut this blog down tomorrow (and remember there have been times when I thought I would need to) I will forever be grateful for everything and for all of you!  The friendships and bonds I've made lift me up each and every day, so Thank You!!!

I've always considered myself a Jack of All Trades and Master of NONE.  And blogging has been no different in that regard, but I have learned a few things along the way that I'd like to impart.  Don't get a pen and paper folks, these aren't juicy words of wisdom, but more like rambling reflections on this past year...plastic pearls of wisdom you might say.

1.  Be true to yourself!  The blogging experts (whoever they are?) say to pick a genre and stick to it.  That's great if you are a stick to it kind of person, but I am clearly not.  Always remember that what you have to say is important, even if it's only important to you.  You started a blog for a reason, and much like life, it's a journey filled with twists and turns and unexpected surprises along the way.  If something strikes your fancy you should blog about it...it is YOUR blog afterall.

2.  Don't count your followers before they've hatched!  I can't stress this one enough.  People will follow, and people will un-follow, it's the nature of the beast.  You'll never know why someone does or doesn't follow you, or why someone UN-follows you, but don't take it personally, it's not worth wasting your time trying to figure out what you did or didn't do.  Truth be told, it probably had nothing to do with you at all, and if it did, well you can't control it anyway so let it go my friends!

3.  Who wants to be a Millionaire?!  Ok, this is probably the biggest lesson I've learned over the last year.  The odds of you striking it rich through your blog, unless you are promoting your own business via your blog, are rather slim.  I'm not saying you shouldn't go after sponsors or monetize your blog, but creating a design/lifestyle blog as a way to strike it rich is kind of like buying a lottery ticket...it could happen!  All of my sponsors are there because they offered me giveaway items and in return I offered them sponsorships.

4.  Helping Hand!  There are bloggers out there who will give you the shirt off their backs, they'll answer any question you have and really try and help you out...but...there are also some who will play I've got a secret and won't be so giving of their time or advice.  Donna from Funky Junk Interiors is one of the good ones folks!  When I first started blogging, there wasn't a stupid email question I could ask that that sweet woman wouldn't answer and I'm still here today thanks to her kindness...and that of many others too great in number to mention!  She also has lots of tips on her blog to help new bloggers out with FAQs.

5.  Guilt be a Lady Tonight!  Cut yourselves some slack, you can't be all things to all people.  You can't respond to every comment and email, or visit every blog every day...unless you can do it in your sleep.  Do the best you can and then walk away.  Blogging was never meant to take over your life, it is meant to enhance it.

6.  Negative Nellies!  Beware the Negative Nellies in the world, they are everywhere.  Sometimes they are a family member, a friend, or even a co-worker, so be careful who you share that blog address with until you really know how supportive they will be.  I'm not saying to hide something from your spouse or best friend, but if you know someone who will try and bring you down, you may want to wait awhile before you share your "baby" with them.  People love to give advice...the problem is they usually don't tell you what is good for you, they tell you what would be good for them.

 7.  Tell me you Love Me!  Comments are a funny thing.  You might write a post that you think will light up the internet only to get a handful of comments on it.  Why?!  I have no clue, and neither will you.  It could be that your post struck a nerve with the reader and it was something they just couldn't comment on, or maybe they got a phone call just when they were about to comment, and poof they forgot to come back and leave you a kind message.  So don't sweat the small stuff, even the Negative Nellies who might leave you an unkind word from time to time...you can't worry about everything, trust me.  I like to say that if my husband, my children and my dogs all love me, then that's all that really matters!

8.  Meet and Greet!  If you've had the opportunity to connect with someone via this crazy thing called blogging and you have the chance to safely meet, go for it!  Once you've confirmed that the person on the other side of your computer screen isn't an axe murderer, you might just find you've made a friend for life!

9.  Time in a Bottle!  Don't post just to post.  If you aren't motivated for a day, a week, or even a month don't feel like you HAVE to post.  When I first started blogging I thought that if I didn't post all day, everyday I would lose readers.  You might, but refer to tip #5 and take a break.

10.  Good Times!  Remember each day to have fun with your blog.  When you're feeling overwhelmed and you want to throw in the towel, step back and look back to your first blog post.  That post was so full of excitement, promise and enthusiasm and sometimes we need to look back in order to move forward.

Look, I'm no expert on anything, I just know that if I hadn't taken that leap of faith a year ago, I would have missed out on so much...on all of you!  Creativity is good for the soul and you all bolster my soul continually.

Thank you for everything my friends!  I had hoped to host a special giveaway today, something that would embody all that you have given me over this past year, but I haven't quite found that special something yet.  Stay tuned, I'll find it eventually and you all will be the first to know when I do!

XOXO ~Kat~