SDPB Candidate Videos Up! Tidemann Tied to Teleprompter

SDPB is posting videos for the candidates for South Dakota Legislature! Whoo-hoo! Roll the teleprompter....



Look at those eyes, tracking slavishly along the lines of the off-camera script. How can we trust any politician who depends on a prepared script instead of speaking directly to us? How can the good people of Brookings trust their government to a man who can't come up with his own words? Why would a real patriot need a script to speak about his core beliefs? How can anyone vote for Larry "Teleprompter" Tidemann for South Dakota Senate?

See more candidates on SDPB's YouTube channel here. What fun! I've seen Gerry Lange's text and eagerly await his upload. Tidemann's opponent Senator Merchant hasn't uploaded her video yet. Neither has Sibby! Nertz! But Sibby's Democratic opponent Becky Haslam is on! Go Becky!

Pants Fight! Street Cinema from Rapid City

West River neighbor Bill Fleming recommends the following video, in which I find mirthful metaphor for the partisan combat between Mr. Powers and myself. I hope the metaphor does not extend to the fate of the bearded combatant.



Mr. Fleming promotes this film as proud poppa: his offspring Bonny (cinematography) and Dylan (bearded dude) joined Kasey Reub (Son of Cancer Man) to film this minor local masterpiece. Beats most of what's on KELO!

I'd check for the logical sequel—Underpants Fight!—but I'm afraid of what Google might throw at me.

Hy-Vee Pizza Sale! Consult Your Doctor!

Hy-Vee includes this super shocker sale!!! in my Sunday paper:

Ten 12-inch pizzas for $16.80?! Holy cow! That's 120 inches of pizza! That's supper for a week! Where's my wallet—hey, what's that blue box at the bottom? Coupon? Fine print?

Oh. Why does my enthusiasm feel dimmed?

Celebrate Canada Day: Stop Keystone XL

Happy ! Happy Canada Day!

We Marxists can't wait to create the North American Union, since it would achieve our ultimate goal of merging our national holidays into a huge midsummer four-day holiday. But contrary to the fears of some black-helicopter alarmists, we treasonous continentalizers do not want to unite Canada and the U.S. with more tar sands pipelines. In fact, on this Canada Day, we honor our northern neighbors [and someday compatriots!] by calling on the United States to block construction of Keystone XL, a tar sands pipeline that will only feed our fossil fuel addiction at the expense of Canada's environment (hat tip to Robert Pore):

Production of tar sand oils is already the largest contributor of greenhouse gases in Canada, and production is only slated to expand. The mining and processing of tar sands also produces land damage, heavy water use and pollution.

The world’s largest tar sand deposit, in Alberta, covers 54,000 square miles, an area the size of England. Strip mining is used extensively, leaving very large holes.

Another mining method — injecting steam and solvents such as caustic soda into shafts — uses up to four units of water for every unit of oil produced. And after being used, the water is mostly held in tailing ponds and is unfit for human or animal use [environmental historian Francis Moul, "TransCanada Pipeline Threatens the Sand Hills," guest editorial, Omaha World Herald, 2010.06.25].

Trusted White House advisor John Podesta has called tar sands oil "polluting, destructive, expensive, and energy intensive" resource that cannot be made environmentally safe. Tar sands only make Canada messier... and they won't do much for the U.S., either.

Celebrate Canada Day by doing our neighbors a favor: stop TransCanada's Keystone XL pipeline.

--------------------------
p.s.: Or at the very least, if we can't stop Keystone XL, send out some inspectors to make sure TransCanada doesn't build with defective Indian steel.

Minnehaha Taking Eliason to Court over Smut Shop Proximity to Park

Sioux Falls smut-peddler and subject of restraining orders David Eliason may be headed for court again. Eliason, whose life calling appears to be the sale of sex toys and similar offensive materials, owns the Love Shack (and thereby sullies one of the best songs of my youth) on 41st Street and runs the most atrocious ads I've heard on Sioux Falls Top 40 radio.

Deputy States Attorney Justin DeBoer says Eliason's perversion palace violates state law that prohibits "adult-oriented" businesses from setting up shop within a quarter mile of schools, parks, churches, or pools. DeBoer points to nearby Jefferson Park as cause for the complaint. Eliason insists his shop operates "100 percent in compliance with the law," but if I'm reading Google Maps right, his clinic for the sexually inadequate is just a tenth of a mile from the nearby ball diamond. (Note to Eliason: yes, 1/10 really is less than 1/4.)

The smut shop's neighbors don't seem to mind Eliason's wares. A worker at a neighboring shop calls the Love Shack a "good neighbor" and the clientele "normal, everyday people" (none of whom apparently stopped with their plain paper sacks to talk to the press).

Quote of the week goes to Curt Colter, neighboring Oreck vacumm cleaner store owner, who says he has no problem with the nearby smut shop. "Their customers might be my customers. Everybody needs a good, quality vacuum."

Now that's cross-marketing.

Hottest Political Web Property in South Dakota: TheBjork.com!

Not just Björk; The Bjork! [Björk pic from here; The Bjork pic from here]

I just found the best political domain name in South Dakota, and it belongs to a candidate from right here in Madison. Who is it? Independent/Glenn Beck candidate for District 8 House Jason Lee Bjorklund is online with TheBjork.com (No umlaut, please). We can talk Bjorklund's politics later—right now, folks just want to go to the lake (typical human behaviour). Permit me, therefore, to restrict my comments to my entirely superficial admiration for Bjorklund's domain name choice. There's got to be some Google juice spillover the candidate will get from the queen of Icelandic surreal-pop, right? The marketing association catches the thoughtful hip who want to unravel cookie-cutter media messages from blow-dried talking heads. With a domain name like this, Bjorklund can shout to voters, "There's more to life than this! It's in our hands! Declare independence and vote for an army of me to shake up Pierre!" And on the off chance that Bjorklund could possibly, maybe lose in November, he still has a domain name with zip, verve, even big time sensuality, available for all sorts of other ventures, not some silly Web albatross like KarpenForPUC.com or KristiForCongress.com that's pretty useless once you lose the election. TheBjork.com could one day have some serious resale value, which could make Jason violently happy. Now if I could just get him to campaign in a swan dress. 100,000 Web hits per day, guaranteed.

Update 2022.06.26: Google Blogger unpublished this post 12 years later, claiming that it violated their malware and viruses policy. I  have not attempted to transmit any malware or viruses. The only thing I can speculate may be wrong is that TheBjork.com doesn't show any Bjorklund info any more (last I heard, Bjorklund ran for an SDGOP convention voting spot in Minnehaha County this year and got trounced by Rep. Chris Karr). I'll deactivate those links and see if that makes Google happy.

Noem, DWC, Daugaard Razz Chris Nelson

Are Republicans razzing Chris Nelson? I have to wonder:

1. Kristi Noem goes looking for a replacement campaign manager. She skips Nelson's manager and picks the guy who brought his candidate in last. (Then again, did Nelson have a campaign manager?)
2. Dakota War College steps out to endorse Jason Gant over Nelson's deputy Teresa Bray for the GOP Secretary of State nomination. Mr. Powers. says Bray is too much like Democratic lieutenant governor candidate Ben Arndt: she hasn't lived in South Dakota or been involved with the party long enough to warrant elevation to an elected statewide office.
3. Not that anyone expected Daugaard to pick Nelson as his running mate, but look who Daugaard does choose: the guy who kept Chris Nelson's old mustache. One cannot miss the repudiation of Nelson's anti-whisker campaign tactic. Now if Dennis would just whisker up. (Pierre readers: has anyone seen if Nelson is letting his upper lip return to its better, darker self?)

Come on, Republicans, give Chris a break. He knows he should have fought harder to win the primary.

Yeehaw! Win Free Tix for Outlaw Country Fest

If the words Hillbilly Testosterone Outlaw Country Music get you hankerin' for a road trip, then sign up the big Madison Getaway. You can win two adult and two child tickets to the Motongator Joe Country Music Festival at Prairie Village June 25 through June 27.

The winners also get two free nights in the Americinn and free chow at the Second Street Diner. Of course, if the masterminds (Bulldog Media? Chamber? LAIC) behind this giveaway had really been on the ball, they'd have given away free RV rental for the weekend so the lucky winners could camp at Prairie Village and immerse themselves in the family fun of hillbilly outlaw testosterone.

Heidepriem Keen for Camper -- Could Howie Help?

First the ads, now accommodations: the Heidepriem campaign is looking to put the camp in campaign:

The Heidepriem Campaign is looking for an RV of their own to use during Scott’s announcement tour across the State.

We don’t need to ride around in the lap of luxury, but we would love an in-kind contribution of a safe, comfortable RV for Scott and his loyal followers to tool around the state in for a week or so.

...This would really save the campaign a lot of money and make campaigning easy for our team [Heidepriem campaign website].

Those darn Democrats, always looking for ways to save money....

Now if Scott could just wait another three weeks on that announcement tour, I know someone who won't be needing his campaign RV any longer....

Beards Rule! Hair Up, Candidates!

Hat tip—or, more appropriately, a macho lift of the hairy chin—to Pastor Hickey, who offers Chris Nelson the roadmap to recovering his credibility: grow back the 'stache... and more!

Some eggheads in marketing tested the impact of product endorsements from men with whiskers and men without. (Ah, the joys of working in academia.) Study guinea pigs rated the bearded men as more trustworthy and expert on everything but underpants... probably because resistance to shaving signals resistance to other fripperies of civilization... like underpants.

Reports Tom Bartlett:

The researchers say the implications of their findings could extend far beyond advertisements. For instance, male politicians might want to consider not shaving because the "presence of a beard on the face of candidates could boost their charisma, reliability, and above all their expertise as perceived by voters, with positive effects on voting intention" [Tom Bartlett, "The Trustworthiness of Beards," The Chronicle of Higher Education: Percolator, 2010.04.14].

The article doesn't appear to separate mustache and beard effects, so the safest bet for Chris Nelson, R. Blake Curd, and those other little shavers is to grow it all back!

Let Class out Early: We've Got Thistles to Kill!

...and kabobs to grill!

Notes from Pierre:

1. Secretary of Education Tom Oster exhorts South Dakotans to celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week.
2. The same day, Governor Rounds issues a proclamation setting aside the entire month of May to raise awareness of noxious weeds. "As citizens, it is our duty to protect our lands and natural resources from noxious weed infestations," said Jon Farris, South Dakota Acting Secretary of Agriculture.
3. May is also Beef Month. Month.
   

South Dakota priorities. Discuss.

-------------------
p.s.: ...and Archaeology and Historic Preservation Month! I can't keep track any more.

Chris Nelson Rediscovers Franco-Philosophical Bliss

From Secretary of State Chris Nelson's Twitter feed:

During my college days at SDSU I was part of the college Republicans group. Returned to camus this evening to...

Good to see Nelson is abandoning the false absolutism of his conservative friends and taking up French writers again. Or maybe he was thinking of e. e. cummings....

Road Warrior Gordon Howie Brings T-RV to Madison!

A less than eager reader has declared suggesting any association between responsible Madison citizens and GOP gubernatorial candidate Gordon Howie constitutes "character assassination."

Well...

If you buy that, then Gordon Howie shot an awful lot of characters at last night's Lake County Republicans' Lincoln Day Dinner. He parked this big rig smack dab in front of the shindig at Nicky's:

Dang! Go big or go home... and Gord goes big! Gotta respect that.


I caught Howie's T-RV gassing up at the F&M in the afternoon. I didn't catch a shot of the beastie parked out front of Nicky's, but I'll say this:

1. The T-RV was darn good advertising, parked right there on Highway 34, in front of all those cars at Nicky's. Anyone driving by would have thought, "Wow! Nicky's must be hosting a Gordon Howie rally! Or maybe a Tea Party!"
   
2. The T-RV make Munsterman's lettered windows look awfully small. At least I think they were Munsterman's; I couldn't tell from the highway. Item #1 on Team Munsterman Wednesday briefing: Never ever let Gordon Howie make you look small.
   
3. Gordon at least knows how to lose a primary in style!
4. Daugaard has a million bucks or more on hand—where's his shrink-wrapped RV?
5. Heck, Gordon just cut his travel budget 80%: he can skip Super 8 and camp in the state parks!
   
6. Life and Liberty Tour... hey, what happened to Pursuit of Happiness? Or just Lockean Property? (Say, while I'm thinking of it, where do Gordon and his compatriots stand on property rights, eminent domain, and the Keystone pipelines?)
   

I really, really, really should have bought a press pass for the Lincoln Day Dinner. I would have loved to see the faces of our reliable and cautious Lake County Republicans coming to dinner past this audacious rolling billboard for the movement that wants very much to crash their party. Those expressions were probably something like what you'd see on Stephanie Herseth Sandlin's face if Kevin Weiland and I parked an RV out front of the Dems convention proclaiming, "Dems for Single-Payer in 2011!"

Sunshine Sign Will Fall on Your Car Before Amerts' Wind Turbines

This afternoon's Madison Daily Leader covers the Madison City Commission's first reading of its proposed wind turbine ordinances. The online version of the story omits what was surely the sharpest comment of last night's commission meeting.

Don Amert attended last night's meeting. He and his brother would like to put up a couple wind turbines out by their Ready-Mix cement plant on the southeast edge of Madison (where those turbines would look fantabulous to all the wayfaring travelers on Highway 34... if only they wouldn't distract from our beautiful Madison sign and artificial waterfall). Don questioned the setback ordinances, which require turbines be placed at least 1.1 times their hieght back from property lines, utility lines, electrical substations, roads and homes.

My friend Don suggested such setbacks seem a bit "onerous," especially when you consider that Madison retailers are allowed to situate their tall signs well within toppling distance of roads, property lines, public roads, your parked car, and my bike.

An interesting point! Anyone care to mark off the fall zone of, say, the big Sunshine sign in the middle of town? Or the big flag pole? Or all the lightpoles in the parking lot?

The paper reports city engineer Chad Comes responded by saying such setbacks are standard for wind turbine regulations. In other words, everyone else does it, so don't ask the city complicated questions.

Wind turbines do occasionally tip over... just like signs, cranes, trees, and people. If the city is really worried about tall things falling into the road, we're going to be clearing a long, ugly swath through the center of Madison.

But I'll say this: if Amerts build a wind turbine, it will not, not, NOT fall over. Ever.

Cory Heidelberger Available for Public Speaking Engagements

More Bang, Less Buck Than Sarah Palin!

Far be it from me to criticize an unemployed person for hustling for a buck. Since quitting her job last summer, Sarah Palin has been working hard to put caribou on the table for her family by speaking everywhere and anywhere that will pony up the five to six figures she demands.

But celebrity has apparently gone to Palin's head. In California, Attorney General Jerry Brown is investigating allegations that the Stanislaus Foundation of California State University violated public meeting laws in keeping secret a speaking contract with Palin for an upcoming June event. CSU students have provided Brown with contract pages the students retrieved from campus trash. Among Palin's purported demands:

• First-class airfare from Anchorage to California or private jet that "MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger...."
• Deluxe hotel accommodations, suite plus two single rooms.
• Lectern stocked with two water bottles and bendable straws.

As a good capitalist, I believe in turning an honest dollar for honest work, in earning one's keep by producing a quality product.

My fellow Americans, in this time of economic belt-tightening, I offer you a value alternative. If you need a speaker for your conference, convention, teacher in-service, company picnic, bar mitzvah, you name it, I'm your guy. I can deliver a boffo speech on blogging, Internet trends, social media, regular media, education, the First Amendment, communication skills, rural economic development... heck, even South Dakota politics! I also guarantee free-wheeling, spontaneous, no-holds-barred Q&A sessions afterward. My speeches will be much more about promoting open civic conversation, not parroting things you've already heard from talk-radio.

And what do I charge? Since I consider it a privilege to be invited to speak anywhere, you'll find my rates and conditions much more reasonable than any celebrity speaker:

• Fees: If you're handing out money, don't let me stop you. But in general, take Sarah Palin's fee, divide by 100, and we may still negotiate down from there.
• Travel: Cover my mileage; I'll drive my own car.
• Lodging: Super 8 (or cheaper local alternative!) with Wi-Fi (free breakfast preferred, but not essential).
• Water: I can usually make it an hour without a drink. If not, I'll bring my own cup.
  

And I guarantee a more original, engaging, and grammatical speech than Sarah Palin (compare her appearance at the Wine and Spirits Wholesalers of America in Vegas), or your money back!

Come see a sample of what I can bring to your podium next week at South Dakota's first Ignite talk. I'll be participating in the inaugural IgniteSD event at Cottonwood Bistro in Brookings on Wednesday, April 21, 8 p.m.

Why spend more? Call now! There's only one of me, so supplies are limited!

Knudson Hops in Wayback Machine... Tangles Spacetime-Detroit Continuum

And now word from the Madville Times Media Affairs Department...

Check out the new ad from South Dakota GOP candidate for governor Dave Knudson:



Ah, makes me feel all old-timey, like I'm electing Ward Cleaver to drive us to Pierre in a nice tail-finned Ford Taurus...

...wait a minute. Play that tape back:

Ah ha...

...ah ha...
...ah ha.

People get paid money to do things like this right. Aaarrgghh!

p.s.: Little known fact: Dave Knudson was my local interviewer when I applied to Harvard in 1989. He apparently gave me a good review! But I'm still not voting for him. I'm an ungrateful cad. ;-)

Tax Judo: Eliminate April 15th Deadline to Dilute Tea Bags

Break out your tri-corner hats... and $15. Instead of a nice public meeting at the park, the local Tea Bags are moving uptown, taking their April 15th party to the swankier (and smaller) digs at the Sioux Falls Holiday Inn International Room.

International... like Europe? Uh oh. The "movement" just can't control message, can it?

Our fellow citizens in Rapid City are at least taking their tax tirade to the park again.

Even without attending the April 15th rallies, I get plenty of tax angst from the regular media, listening to the inevitable stories about people hurrying to file their taxes at the last minute. I miss out on this communal stress: this year, as usual, I filed my 1040 online in one February evening. The refund popped electronically into our account in early March and has already paid off our insurers and bought supper at El Vaquero. For the Heidelbergers of Lake Herman, April 15th is just another day.

But for many Americans, April 15th serves as a focal point for anti-government grouchiness. Conjuring fears of tyrannical bureaucrats in Washington and jackbooted thugs knocking down your door is easy on a day when lots of people are worried a poorly carried 2 could get them audited.

And then it hits me: here's an easy, cynical, Machiavellian machination the Obama Administration could use to defuse the Tea Parties. Revise the tax code to create a rotating schedule for income tax deadlines. Do it like South Dakota license plates: last name starts with A or B, you file in January; C, D, or E, February; and so on. Or do it by state or region or Social Security Number or some other rational scheme to spread out the deadlines.

Get rid of April 15th as everyone's tax day, and Fox News and their astroturf lose a day around which to whip up a media circus. Plus, we spread out some employment, creating a more stable job market and revenue for accountants and tax specialists. We smooth out the workload for our public servants at the IRS, who can level the mountain of spring paperwork and steadily process 1040s throughout the year.

Or we could just replace the income tax with a national sales tax. Would the Tea Bags be less sour if every day at the grocery store was tax day? :-)

Dog Bites Man; Bob Ellis Wrong; Howie Is Teabagger

And now for something maybe five people in South Dakota give half a hoot about:

Start your weekend right with this small example of how Bob Ellis is flat wrong. He responds to a commenter on his "Dakota" Voice blog with this comment about Tea Bags:

I've been monitoring the Tea Party movement since the very first day it started, and have been deeply involved with the Tea Party movement for almost that long, and I have yet to hear or read of a single Tea Party person referring to themselves as a "teabagger." I have only heard "mainstream" media members and other liberals use this obscene term, usually because they have no meaningful or legitimate counter to the charges of financial irresponsibility leveled by the Tea Party movement [Bob Ellis, comment, "Dakota" Voice, 2010.04.07].

If Mr. Ellis spent less time listening to the sound of his own Voice, he might have noticed this:

He’s the main tea party man hereabouts.

And he’s just fine with “teabagger.”

“I will stand up proudly and say I’m a teabagger,” Republican state Sen. Gordon Howie said today.

...Howie doesn’t think the use of “teabagger” in describing those involved in the Tea Party movement is the least bit effective at that.

Nor is he offended by it.

“I will stand up proudly and say, ‘I’m a teabagger,’” he said.

All I can say to that is: Hear-hear, senator, hear-hear [Kevin Woster, "Standing up proudly for the true meaning of the term," Mount Blogmore, 2009.12.29].

Woster's article was cited in this blog post about Gordon Howie, to which Mr. Ellis has submitted over a dozen comments, at least five of them before his comment about not one "single Tea Party person" adopting the term in question. (Ah, but Mr. Howie is a married Tea Party person.)

Ellis can ignore us libs all he wants. But Ellis is shouting his platitudes so loudly, he can't even hear the comments of his own guy, the most prominent Tea Bag actually running for office in South Dakota.

Let's throw a few more pebbles at Mr. Ellis's Cone of Isolation:

1. Tea Party protesters used the term "teabag" in its sexual context at the earliest Tea Party events. The movement gave liberals the idea.
   
2. This right-wing blogger advocated co-opting the term à la early Christians back in August.
3. Apparent conservatives debate co-opting the term at ResistNet.com.
4. Google "I'm a teabagger" and "proud"... those results are all just liberals perpetrating a vast hoax, right?
5. I assume the wearers of these items would embrace the verb and noun forms.
   
6. "There are even signs at Tea Party movement events that proclaim 'I'm proud to be a teabagger.'"

Sigh. Shrug.

Miracle Mocha on Main: Cottonwood Coffee Crying Christ

Forget crying in your beer; how about Jesus in your java?


I just fanned the Cottonwood Coffee and Cottonwood Bistro in Brookings and found the above photo of one of our Brookings friends' steamy beverages. I challenge you to look that coffee in the eye and tell me you don't see a tearful Messiah... or Bob Marley... or maybe a Matt Groening character.

But whoever that milky miracle is, it's shrine time! Call South Dakota Tourism! Call the Vatican!

Four Lane Highways and Darwinian Selection

Bob Mercer likely loses some Madison friends with his suggestion that the South Dakota Department of Transportation ought to make U.S. Highway 12 a four-laner west of Aberdeen to Ipswich. Mercer notes another four-laner anywhere, not just the lonely 20 more miles to Ipswich, is the last thing the state can afford right now, but...

...each time I drive on U.S. 12 between Ipswich and Aberdeen, I become more convinced that expanding to a four-lane highway might make sense from a traffic safety standpoint. The area has seen more and more agriculture development including ethanol production, which has seemed to significantly increase semi-truck traffic. Whether or not the traffic numbers support such a project, I don’t know. But I do know that the combination of grain trucks, which seem to be driven safely on a consistent basis, and the impatience of many other motorists frequently isn’t a smooth mix, especially during sunrise and sunset hours [Bob Mercer, "A Four-Lane West of Aberdeen?," Pure Pierre Politics, 2010.03.31].

That mad rustling sound you hear is John Goeman digging out his flyer with the traffic numbers explaining that there's no chance that Highway 12 should qualify for more lanes ahead of Highway 34. The traffic numbers on four-lane Highway 12 east of Aberdeen are already 40% lower than traffic on two-lane Highway 34 between Madison and I-29. I'll speculate wildly that there's probably even less traffic west of Aberdeen.

But note Mercer's mention of driver impatience. Does he really want us all to spend tax dollars because some drivers can't behave like civilized human beings? Why should I have to pay more taxes because the SUV meathead on his cell phone next to me can't show the same good sense Nick Nemec does and ease up on the gas pedal? (Conservatives, I smell a campaign issue here!)

What I've said previously about safety concerns on Highway 34 may apply similarly to the road to Ipswich: we might solve the problem much more cheaply by adding a few turning lanes and telling people to slow the heck down.

But maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe we shouldn't spend money to add lanes or change speed limits on either highway. Maybe we should leave those roads exactly the way they are... and let Darwinian selection weed out the impatient drivers. Let a few leadfeet highball right up the back end of a grain truck by the ethanol plant, clear out the worst drivers, leave more room for the rest of us. Any takers?