Miriuam the Killer

In general, I hate the animal kingdom, and all its members hate me.  Every kind of pest has invaded my space: raccoons, mice and now ants.  A deer almost wrecked my ccar a year or so ago, and squirrels keep eating the bulbs I plant. In general, everything smaller than an elephant is my enemy, and I sm theirs.

  I have ants!  Every year, in the Spring, they invade my house, and every year they are smaller.  The first year, I had normal size aints, about the size of a fly or a little bigger.  The next year, they were smaller.  Those that started the Winter--of all the nerve!--are even smaller.  I suppose that eventually they will be the size of microbes and I won't be able to see them.

  It really annoyed me that they came at this time of year; I consider it unsporting of them.  The antbaits I put out this past Spring are inoperative, and I can't find new ones  in the stores.

  So when I saw a few humdred of them creeping around my stovetop I was so enraged that I picked up the nearest spray can and pumped the contents all over them.  It happened to be Scrubbing Bubbles.  I poured it on all the surfaces of the kitchen, and lo and behold they were gone!  So I have discovered a non-poisonous antkiller. 

  Peace has been reigning for days now.  However, I used the bathroom adjoining the kitchen, and I saw one--just one--on the floor.  So I guess they will be coming back.

Dreary domestic tales

My dishwasher is broken, not in the sense that it does not perform, but in the sense that it no longer has the ability to get dishes clean.  Since I am not planning to get a new one immediately, it has become necessary to wash dishes thoroughly by hand if I want to eat off of clean dishes, which I do.  After hand-washing them, I put  them in the dishwasher for a nice swim.  They don't come out any cleaner, but no dirtier either.

I also have ants.  I have put ant traps everywhere.  I managed to eliminate them from the stove, but then found them climbing into the refrigerator, so I sprayed them with dangerous ant killer.  This ant killer is not recommended in any place where food is prepared, but unfortunately the ants prefer to be around food. So I spray them and then thoroughly clean the places I have sprayed, thus saving my life, I hope.

They abandoned the refrigerator at last.  I thought I had them on the run, but found they had moved their activities to the microwave, which I then sprayed.  Next was the dishwasher.  I loaded it with poison, then ran it twice to eliminate the poison.  All was quiet when I went to bed.  This morning, when I went to make coffee, I discovered them cavorting in the sink.

I'm warning all my friends:  if my dead body is discovered, covered with crawling ants, you will know who won this war.