things that make me shimmy...

at the beginning of may, on a friday, i met with one of the peeps that i manage.
this kid has been dating a cute girl for a while....

as part of our one-on-one,
i asked about his thoughts on the topic of wife-having.
turns out he's for it.

so we set a goal to get him married this year,
which meant, engaged quite soon.

the following monday he told me he had a ring and a "blessing-giving" apppointment!
(ok, so we can deduct that the 1:1 was effective...)

turns out he wanted to propose on a beach in cali
near some relatives of mine.
he needed help, and i needed some vitamin D.

thanks, B-rendan,
for such a fun reminder of what it was like to be there
almost exactly 1 year ago...

and for letting me paparazzi a sec

after that adventure, i went straight to girl's camp.

now, i myself, like camping.
this here:

(though, i must say, a fantastic decor job)

NOT CAMPING!!

this is way too posh to be called camping.
lights in cabins and a full kitchen and showers?!!

so much fun to spend time with these cute chicks

and to spend some time with Niko (my camera)
in the great outdoors


miniature break from reality:

check.

halloweeny

i guess i got into it after all.

our team decided the day before to be a white trash wedding...

naturally,
the clean white mormon girl is the knocked up bride.

i may or may not have been several minutes late
due to the need for a boob tat.


(sorry for the blurry pictures.
i had maddi's camera that day.
she no have no cord)

what is wrong with me?!

what happened to the day that i couldn't wait to show off my hilarious costume
and show up at some party and dance in the dark with other creepy people?

i don't know.

but halloween just makes me wish i had kids.

because, for some odd reason, we are in a
"lack of halloweenie mood" funk,

i am giving my husband a gift this year.

scary movies.
at the cabin.
(wish me luck)

[the only day a year that this will ever happen]

i used to care about this random, in-between holiday
that takes over the stores like it owns the place,
even if it was a hint of care.

costume's of fun meg past:

(i'm sure a series of princesses and fairies...)
cruela deville
elvis
grapes
spartan cheerleader
michael jackson
mary poppins
sarah palin*

new problem:

have to be something at work.
no ideas,
and even worse,
no motivation to be in the "dress up" spirit!

what is wrong with me?!

ps. if you have ideas,
or pictures/proof that fun meg once existed,
i want em.



*[word of the wise:
if you live in DC during election time,
do NOT be sarah palin and look and sound just like her.
you will get nearly shot in georgetown.]

deep thoughts by jack handy's niece

i am a woman.

but i have a bone to pick with my species:

i have been drinking more water lately,
which lands me in the little meg's room more often,
which leaves me with women in a public place to "do their thing."

this brings me to my question:

ladies, "don't we all pee?"

why do we insist on having noise in the restroom before we do so?
(you totally sit there and wait for the sink or a flush...don't even pretend you don't...)

are you afraid that someone will hear you making that revolting noise??

or worse?
what if they hear a "plop" sound?

you are dead meat you disgusting creature.

better hurry out before they see who it was that dared to move a bowel in public!

you know it's true.

you will find yourself in a restroom tomorrow silently reaching for the toilet paper...

highlights

dear blog,
i wanted to repent for being neglectful....

here are some weekly highlights:


· had a meltdown because of my suspicious recent weight gain
and my inability to make it stop last week,
then listened to a talk on saturday morning that reminded me not to care.
and i cried:

"He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked."
-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

· spent the night playing house and watchin the niece so another one could come.
i like playing mom.

· baby Chantelle Lorraine Moffat was born at 5:11 on 10.5.2009.
7 pounds, 9 ounces of adorable joy.


· yesterday i was listening to my talk radio podcasts on my phone,
cause i have culture,
and heard that obamanation won himself a nobel "piece"
for "capturing the world's attention" and "inspiring hope"
where is michael jackson's piece then?
ironically, i just lost hope in the nobel peace prize...
11 days? you gave the man 11 days to be in office
before nominating the man for changing the world?!
...don't get me started...

· my coworker who never does anything for anyone else,
helped a student at 5:05.... (after his shift!).
he declared, "today will go down in history!"
a breakthrough that makes me smile.

· after not feeling so awesome for the past few days,
and coming home a groggy hot mess everyday,
i got into the car after work yesterday,
rolled the windows down,
blasted some tunes,
and sang along.
smiling the whole way.
a surge of happiness for no reason except that God loves me.

· then we played with some cute friends
long overdue!
ate good food,
laughed a lot,
and went home with smiles on our faces.

today?

today i have 2 years of homework to do...
and i have about 100 blogs left to read...
and groceries to purchase....
and a gym i should visit...
a baby i need to play with...
and a husband to spend ample time with slash go make breakfast for like now...


so far, i'm O for 6.

blast from the past

i don't know what's worse.

the fact that i found all of this in my mother's closet,

or knowing that she didn't have to sleep in curlers and rat her hair to get the same effect...

reader's inner monologue: [ew. she wore that in public. at work.]
yes. yes i did.

so whats & chicken putts

started the new job last week.

i have been observing all this week.

yesterday, we took a 45 minute break to watch a bunch of dudes chuck rubber chickens down the isle and they get points for getting them into carefully placed trash receptacles or a plant at the end. they yell "trees-ies" if someone gets the said 20 pointer.

i was in awe.

later in the day, we watched as the janitor chick walked around to tend to the plants and trash and noticed the orphaned battered plant.
she exclaimed, "something happened here huh..." no one responded....
she continued to communicate silently with her plant and eventually walked away.
(plant whisperers have a 6th sense. they just know.)

the cubicles nearby just laughed.
the guy next to me said, "it said on her little cart, 'save the plants.'
i just couldn't bring myself to tell her that we were chuckin rubber chickens at her plant!"


then this morning,
i get to my new trainer's desk where he had a putting green lined up from the night before
(apparently a morning ritual).
the men lined up,
"welp, lets see what kind of day its going to be..."
i made one in heels. (thanks, dad.) he didn't get a one.
apparently that's a good day.

this, friends, is why we go to college.

to get salary jobs that they make sitcoms out of.

but seriously, its going to be great.
in fact, it is already proving to make for some blog-worthy material.

...phew...

...about a week ago, on the morning of my interview,

i found a little sumpin on my doorstep...

couldn't believe that someone would go through the effort,
or even be this thoughtful...

i nailed the second interview,
snuck past the extensive background check,

and i am now employed!!!

thanks, to the cute/crazy thoughtful guy for giving me the plastered smile all day
that caused me to breeze right on through...

cross one thing off my to-do list this year.
real salaried job: check.


the list of things that i need to purchase
with new said income begins with:

new glasses/contacts,
laptop (member, mine crashed),
photography class,
guitar lessons,
new profesh attire! woo woo!,
eating out at new fun places,
back to spoiling my nieces,
begin to try and get my dad back
for having to take care of me for so long...
THEN, perhaps a new vehicle,
and THEN a new place of residence....

phew.
two tons just kindly flew by...

my current job:

needless to say,
it's not going so well.

i went to get certified to substitute in AZ.
$60 for the certificate alone,
another $70 for more fingerprinting/background checks...
(and no, DC's aren't good enough.)
oh- and it would take 4-6 weeks to get the info back to get a fingerprint card...

forget that option...

gee, i thought applying for 25 jobs on the east and having them all fail was a sign i needed to be here.... um.....hey Mesa,

show me the money!

...back to work we go...


i am loving this weather though,
and loving my life right now....
...in spite of the lack of job and things...

just in case you were wondering...

{TGIF - happy friday!!}


oh, if you noticed, its national pie day...
"you can't have a pie without coo-hwip!"

my status...

school. over. tears? yes. (video/pictures to come...they are good...)

job? nope. looking? not really...well, just not right now...

mac and I's relationship? not good...
in fact, i am using another mac at the current mo.

google? looking better ever day....

life is looking good.

i am going home in 3 days...

to play with my people!

what do you watch at YOUR staff meetings...

this may be one of the most inspirational
speeches you've ever seen...





maybe i cried in duke ellington's theatre
watching this.

a 10-year-old had to remind me
why i do what i do... awesome.

i'm not going to write you a love song...

what?
we aren't supposed to accept gratuities?
i didn't!
...he just sent it to me anyway...

and what do i do with one of these...? just let it go to waste?

nu-uh...
(that is what i get for my get-by campus job...)

oh- and perhaps you are wondering if i ran 5 miles yesterday...
in 40 minutes.
i awesome...
i don't think i have done that in years...

sorry about the lack of great blogging...
my classes are soon to be over and my life is really boringly average these days.
i do love my roommates and ward and calling and co-workers and cute friends... but nothing truly exciting is going down in my life...

everyone is moving, getting married, and having babies...
this single lady is just livin if that's alright with you...

why is today already awesometown?

at least 2 reasons:

1) i set my alarm for 5:15 (normal) but for PM (which is not) which means i was way late and had to go get swigs as penance for my supervisor... I will admit I did get a small morning cocktail myself. otherwise yesterday marks 5 weeks off swigs... i have had about 2.5 in the 5 weeks-- all for medicinal reasons... that is no joke at all... i drink on average 44-50 ounces of water a day now... i awesome.

2) i just got off the phone with a man that offered to pay $50 bucks to anyone who would hand deliver his daughter's exam the Fedex location so she could graduate.... (we just have a cut off time to send them out, but they don't really "go out" until Fedex comes- with is like 4ish...i had told him that the time had passed but i would "see what i could do..."). they hadn't gone out yet so i came back and told him that I would "hand deliver it to the Fedex location" and he got my name to send me a check... "honestly you don't have to do that!" i said... "nope! it will be there tomorrow!!" this place kills me...

honestly...

which reminds me- i helped a girl a few weeks ago that flew in from alaska to take her exam... so she could could hopefully pass them this time and then fly right back to walk off of the plane and directly onto the field for graduation. she was clueless: didn't know that provo wasn't near salt lake, didn't have a ride back, didn't print out her assignments to submit them... which meant i spent the early morning hours figuring out files on a few computers, scheduling a cab, and then (unbeknown to the student) begging her instructor while he golfed to let her pass because she failed by one percent! she did, and i even had to drive her over to an atm to get cash to pay for the cab and we got breakfast cause she didn't feed herself... long story short, her mom called me back that afternoon and asked me my full name, shoe size and favorite color... still waiting to see if she delivers...

and believe me, blog, you will be the first to know!!

now i am going to waste away my evening at the BYU spring opera... just sitting here, all alone, getting credit with bloody q-tips...

"thanks, you're a peach"

what?!

why have i heard that like 25 times in the past week?

i realize i may have just helped your son or daughter or grandson or step neighbor or boyfriend's cousin to graduate, which may just save him from years of ridicule and snide grandma comments... but that gives you no right to call me a peach!

how is that even an endearment?
lets rate peach on the endearment scale:

sweetheart— referencing the organ to which we attribute love and sweet... which is sweet... used mostly in romantic situations.... or might easily be induced by a loving hand from a stranger... usually used by classy middle-aged women. "you are such a sweetheart... thank you so much... what is your shoe size?"

honey— a sweet gooey substance that makes all recipes better and is usually the healthier option... and catches more flies... usually only used in marriages... and apparently in old lady to young female service representative-type relationships as well.... oh- and basically any woman in the south...

"the best"— "hey thanks, you are just "the best". really? am i? ok. then why am i still single and living in provo and getting paid not enough to help people that stress me out like you?

baby—not my favorite. but i guess a kind thought: "you are the one i like to coddle and play with, but you poo in your pants... and make me take care of it..." maybe not the choice- at least not from a stranger...

doll— by itself, it reminds me of the creepy doll my mom still keeps on the top shelf of her closet... one eye missing and wearing a pinkish corduroy shirt so she looks like the new model of the "one night stand skank". if used in a phrase such as "you are a doll and a sweetheart" (which usually comes in a chain smoker NY accent) than just hang up. they don't mean what you think they do...

peach— in the rare occasion that you might be "ripe", you could also be sweet... on the inside...but otherwise you are all fuzzy on the outside. oh and we can only eat you after we have successfully matted down that fur to look like a wet dog.

eww. a simple thank you would do.

hope graduation for you and your godson was a hoot.

...and counting...

foto by meg

Today marks:

7 days free of DDP {yay-us} -

7 days of my new love of water
1 full work week,
3 pounds down,
3 full days of glorious sunshine...

my new love/obsession with brightly colored tulips

23 years of being alive...

foto by meg

social suicide?

i guess i like it.

maybe it's good for me...

yeah- i should work this summer.

hi old boss, how do you feel about me
coming back to annoy you in the office?

and just like that- job back...

40 hours a week!!

and 6 credits (5 for fun)

hey meg, how's your summer looking?

talk to me in august!

i guess they can't not let me back... as i am free advertising...

Why I love my job

I am a student. I work at BYU Independent Study. This means I answer phones...all day. And the people I talk to...not generally the most intelligent kind. Here is a sample of a day at work talking to America's finest individuals that I lovingly call moron idiots:

Me: Good morning, this is Meg, what can I do for you?
Girl who could have thought longer prior to making this call: Yeah, I am taking one of those quiz thingys, and I have this scantron sheet here. The form thing has a T and and F above the A and B bubbles... but my quiz has like more than that for possible.... uh...
Me: it's multiple choice...
Girl: Yeah, so can i use this?
Me:...um....yes....
Girl: Oh ok, cause my mom and I were just staring at this for a while and thought that the T and F meant that it had to be true or false... but there are other bubbles here too I guess... ok thanks!
(click)
My inner monologue: Did that just happen?....Yes, Meg, it did.


An email I received:im wondering how to make sure that when i submit my work by mail it will get to only you and not
some other office or instructor. since i have the
address stickers can i stick one on an envelope
containing all my work and then mail it to the
address on the sticker i received?

My response: We sent those to you to be sure that your assignment was sent to some phony place. Take luck. - IS

This is what I imagined the mom on the other line of this call:

Me: Blah blah... what do you want...
Mom: I am trying to see if the exam has arrived for my daughter... she's at school and can't call and we sent it back express so it should be there soon.
Me: Do you have a tracking number?
Mom: Yes, I sure do!
Me: Have you tracked it?
Mom: Yes, I sure did, and it says that it hasn't been delivered...
Me: Well then let me check... uh yeah, that means we don't have that here... sorry about that...
Mom: Well thank you for all of your help! You have a great day!
Me: (stunned silence)
(click)

THE DEFINITION, as promised, OF A MORON IDIOT:
I will use an email to demonstrate:

"I recently took my final exam with a pen and did
not realize that a number two pencil was required
until I saw the notice on the back of my answer
sheet. My proctor told me to continue with the
test and to go over my answers with a pencil. I
need this course to graduate and I was wondering
if this was okay.
Thank you."

This is an example of a stupid student- meaning one that will probably fail this final exam anyway, due to plain ole' stupidity. The fact that they filled it out in pen, is what makes them your average moron- which is a whole different level of dumb. You see- it's two fold- two levels to human stupidity which equals "moron idiot".
I mean, has she ever taken a test in her life? Has a pen ever been OK on those? No. In fact, the teachers remind you about the pencil thing for 2 weeks prior to! Bless her heart.

Note:the proctor in this case is a bit of a moron too...bless her heart.

PS: I am not a brat... I do sometimes laugh at dumb people though...so sue me!