Click here to read the original query.
Hi all! Someone suggested I try the query from one of my other POV characters. Since it's an epic fantasy, I just happen to have 3 of equal weight to choose from. Here's a completely different query for the same book. Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
Chay isn’t blind; he’s just pretending to be. Some street flies fake disabilities to earn sympathy and extra coin, but that’s not why Chay took up the blindfold. He did it to hide the birthmarks that identify him as the lowliest scum in the city – a Marked, servant to the absent King. If he slips up and someone realizes what he is, he’ll be starved, tortured, and killed as a traitor.
Chay will do anything to protect his family of guttersnipes, from taking a beating to blackmailing a member of the Broken Court, the city’s underground society. His super-human intuition usually warns him of trouble before it arrives and keeps him one step ahead of his enemies, but it can’t protect him from his own bad choices.
When Chay picks a fight with a rival in order to protect a new find, it escalates and triggers the deeper magic lying dormant within him. Although he struggles to remain free, Chay knows it’s only a matter of time before he’s caught – but he doesn’t expect to be betrayed by one of his own in return for food and safety for the rest of the ring.
Luckily for Chay, his captor is a rebel leader who has no interest in dealing with the authorities. Instead, he wants to use Chay’s newfound powers as a rallying point for his insurgency.
Chay finds he has talent and passion for stirring up trouble. He sets out to make a better world, because though he’s angry with his traitorous friend, he’s furious with society itself. But the government is the least of his worries – another enemy hides in plain sight, and the rebellion is playing right into her hands.
KING’S MARK, complete at 90,000 words, is a stand-alone epic fantasy with room for a sequel. Additional material is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration (and thanks again everybody here at PQS)
Showing posts with label Epic Fantasy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Epic Fantasy. Show all posts
Mar 30, 2012
Jan 31, 2012
Query: King's Mark
There is nothing Leti loves better than hunting along the river and practicing his stone carving. Until now, his clan’s protection has allowed him to do just that.
But when visiting traders discover the otter-print birthmarks on Leti’s hands, they kidnap and smuggle him into a hostile city where the King’s Mark is the sign of a traitor. And the Steward doesn’t tolerate traitors.
Instead of being executed, Leti is sold to a rebel leader, who plans to use Leti’s existence as a rallying point. Leti escapes, only to find his home destroyed and his clan scattered, killed, or sold into slavery. Instigating change suddenly becomes personal.
Aided by another Marked, a ruthless, charismatic guttersnipe-turned-revolutionary, Leti begins to work with the insurgency. Little does he know that the Steward is the least of his worries – another enemy hides in the shadows, and the rebellion is playing right into his hands.
KING’S MARK, complete at 90,000 words, is a fast-paced epic fantasy. Additional material is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration (and thank you Rick & blog commentators for your feedback!)
But when visiting traders discover the otter-print birthmarks on Leti’s hands, they kidnap and smuggle him into a hostile city where the King’s Mark is the sign of a traitor. And the Steward doesn’t tolerate traitors.
Instead of being executed, Leti is sold to a rebel leader, who plans to use Leti’s existence as a rallying point. Leti escapes, only to find his home destroyed and his clan scattered, killed, or sold into slavery. Instigating change suddenly becomes personal.
Aided by another Marked, a ruthless, charismatic guttersnipe-turned-revolutionary, Leti begins to work with the insurgency. Little does he know that the Steward is the least of his worries – another enemy hides in the shadows, and the rebellion is playing right into his hands.
KING’S MARK, complete at 90,000 words, is a fast-paced epic fantasy. Additional material is available upon request.
Thank you for your time and consideration (and thank you Rick & blog commentators for your feedback!)
Sep 30, 2011
QUERY - EPIC FANTASY NOVEL - 3rd Go
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Had Rune Greyhawk not been digging for dragon eggs on the shore that day, perhaps his father would still be alive and New Athens saved—perhaps he would have never become an adversary to a god.
Fifteen-year old Rune was born a prince, but as the second son with no experience or clout, his station was a powerless one. Not to mention his penchant for delinquency. Because of this, he has no choice but to study abroad in the kingdom of Stone Realm on Marina's mainland. But lately he's been having a lot of strange dreams—and after his sister gives him a simple-looking stone she swears is important enough to take with him, he starts to wonder if there is a more ominous reason behind his relocation.
Now, in a time when humans have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons as beasts of war, he is finding out that things are not as they seem: whether by fate or fortune, Rune is somehow tied to the thousand-year old mystery of the Arke of Aerimore, and the lost magi-ka of heaven that prophets say will be released again. Once Edome's ruthless emperor finds the ark and many nations, including Marina, join his plot to destroy New Athens, Rune has no choice but to find a way to stop the prophecy from happening. And it seems that the stone in his possession may hold the answer. Together, with the aid of his companions, he will have to uncover the mystery and just what it is that connects him to it. Even at the expense of his life and all he loves—before the rekindled flame of Aerimore destroys the world.
This is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.
Click here to read the first revision.
Had Rune Greyhawk not been digging for dragon eggs on the shore that day, perhaps his father would still be alive and New Athens saved—perhaps he would have never become an adversary to a god.
Fifteen-year old Rune was born a prince, but as the second son with no experience or clout, his station was a powerless one. Not to mention his penchant for delinquency. Because of this, he has no choice but to study abroad in the kingdom of Stone Realm on Marina's mainland. But lately he's been having a lot of strange dreams—and after his sister gives him a simple-looking stone she swears is important enough to take with him, he starts to wonder if there is a more ominous reason behind his relocation.
Now, in a time when humans have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons as beasts of war, he is finding out that things are not as they seem: whether by fate or fortune, Rune is somehow tied to the thousand-year old mystery of the Arke of Aerimore, and the lost magi-ka of heaven that prophets say will be released again. Once Edome's ruthless emperor finds the ark and many nations, including Marina, join his plot to destroy New Athens, Rune has no choice but to find a way to stop the prophecy from happening. And it seems that the stone in his possession may hold the answer. Together, with the aid of his companions, he will have to uncover the mystery and just what it is that connects him to it. Even at the expense of his life and all he loves—before the rekindled flame of Aerimore destroys the world.
This is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.
Sep 28, 2011
QUERY- EPIC FANTASY NOVEL - 2nd Attempt
Click here to read the original query.
Dear ____,
Who would have known something so simple as digging for dragon eggs on the shore would change his life forever? Had Rune Greyhawk not been there that day, perhaps his father would still be alive and New Athens saved from war—perhaps he would have never become a lover to a queen and an adversary to a god.
Fifteen-year old Rune was born a prince, but as the second son with no military experience or national clout, his station was a powerless one. Not to mention is penchant for delinquency. Because of this, his father, the Prefect of Greyhawk, would be sending him to study abroad in the country of Marina as a musician's apprentice.
Little could he know of the more ominous reasons behind his relocation. Whether by fate or fortune, Rune has been thrust into the thousand-year old mystery of the Arke of Aerimore, a sacred coffer filled with the long lost magi-ka of heaven that is prophesied will reopen. Now, in a time where men have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons, Rune must carry the secret of his destiny to the land of his enemy and, with the aid of his companions, stop the prophecy from being fulfilled—before the rekindled flame of Aerimore destroys the world.
This is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.
THE BALLAD OF THE MOON is a complete, epic fantasy novel at 141,000 words; a modern bildungsroman for a new generation, somewhere between the tone of Anne McCaffrey, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Ursula Le Guin.
I have an A.A. in English, Liberal Arts, and Comparative Literature. I hold a B.A. from UC Davis in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. I am currently pursuing my M.F.A. in English Literature at the UCA. On my days off, I dig for dragon eggs on the coast.
Thank you for your consideration and your time. If you are interested in reading the text, I would be more than happy to provide it.
Sincerely,
XXX
Dear ____,
Who would have known something so simple as digging for dragon eggs on the shore would change his life forever? Had Rune Greyhawk not been there that day, perhaps his father would still be alive and New Athens saved from war—perhaps he would have never become a lover to a queen and an adversary to a god.
Fifteen-year old Rune was born a prince, but as the second son with no military experience or national clout, his station was a powerless one. Not to mention is penchant for delinquency. Because of this, his father, the Prefect of Greyhawk, would be sending him to study abroad in the country of Marina as a musician's apprentice.
Little could he know of the more ominous reasons behind his relocation. Whether by fate or fortune, Rune has been thrust into the thousand-year old mystery of the Arke of Aerimore, a sacred coffer filled with the long lost magi-ka of heaven that is prophesied will reopen. Now, in a time where men have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons, Rune must carry the secret of his destiny to the land of his enemy and, with the aid of his companions, stop the prophecy from being fulfilled—before the rekindled flame of Aerimore destroys the world.
This is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.
THE BALLAD OF THE MOON is a complete, epic fantasy novel at 141,000 words; a modern bildungsroman for a new generation, somewhere between the tone of Anne McCaffrey, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Ursula Le Guin.
I have an A.A. in English, Liberal Arts, and Comparative Literature. I hold a B.A. from UC Davis in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. I am currently pursuing my M.F.A. in English Literature at the UCA. On my days off, I dig for dragon eggs on the coast.
Thank you for your consideration and your time. If you are interested in reading the text, I would be more than happy to provide it.
Sincerely,
XXX
Sep 27, 2011
QUERY EPIC FANTASY NOVEL
Dear X,
Set in a world far from our own, the legend of Aerimore’s flame had long since extinguished before Rune Greyhawk had ever heard of it or the prophecies surrounding the mythical sungod; but now, in an age where men have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons, Rune has somehow become an unsuspecting participant in the thousand-old mystery, carrying the weight of a new world upon his shoulders.
Who would have known something so simple as mining for dragon eggs on the shore would change his life forever? Had he not been swayed by the potential, fifteen-year old Eyris Gildon would have never left his estranged father and his home in Sena to join New Athens’ army, never met the Crown Prince of Greyhawk who was destined to reset the world again. But the great battle of the East and West tied them together, the nations of New Athens and Edome deep in the throes of war, and just as Eyris was meant to become a warrior of men, Rune was meant to be an adversary of a greater power. Theirs is a tale of heroism and courage, a tale shared with many others who would one day become heroes of old. For this is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.
*TITLE* is a complete, epic fantasy novel at 157,000 words; a modern “bildungsroman” for a new generation, somewhere between the tone of Anne McCaffrey and Ursula Le Guin. A second book has been plotted but not yet written.
*credits and thank you's, etc*
Set in a world far from our own, the legend of Aerimore’s flame had long since extinguished before Rune Greyhawk had ever heard of it or the prophecies surrounding the mythical sungod; but now, in an age where men have taken over the domain of gods and tamed the wildest of dragons, Rune has somehow become an unsuspecting participant in the thousand-old mystery, carrying the weight of a new world upon his shoulders.
Who would have known something so simple as mining for dragon eggs on the shore would change his life forever? Had he not been swayed by the potential, fifteen-year old Eyris Gildon would have never left his estranged father and his home in Sena to join New Athens’ army, never met the Crown Prince of Greyhawk who was destined to reset the world again. But the great battle of the East and West tied them together, the nations of New Athens and Edome deep in the throes of war, and just as Eyris was meant to become a warrior of men, Rune was meant to be an adversary of a greater power. Theirs is a tale of heroism and courage, a tale shared with many others who would one day become heroes of old. For this is the story of man’s final stand against man—his final stand against gods.
*TITLE* is a complete, epic fantasy novel at 157,000 words; a modern “bildungsroman” for a new generation, somewhere between the tone of Anne McCaffrey and Ursula Le Guin. A second book has been plotted but not yet written.
*credits and thank you's, etc*
May 19, 2011
QUERY: STEALING A DREAM (3rd attempt)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear agent,
Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.
Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear agent,
Haisma Perell will do anything to have her baby brother back. Since the night he watched their parents slaughtered, he has been eroding away with madness. After years failing to help, Haisma embarks on a quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
She hires a guide. Faziel De Garxia--the charming Gatekeeper with wings and a hero complex--is obsessed with fixing things, including her. When they stumble upon an upheaval that is escalating to war against the universe, Faziel itches to fix that too. Haisma grudgingly agrees, until she learns Faziel’s one-time patron--the driving force behind the rebellion--is collaborating with a clandestine sect responsible for her family's tragedy.
Together, they launch into ruthless power games against soul-enslaving politicians and vengeful fanatics, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma traces the clues from her parents' murder and gathers the means to stop the war, she finds herself standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM: a character-driven epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. (Credentials and thank you)
May 14, 2011
QUERY- STEALING A DREAM (Revised)
Click here to read the original query.
Dear Ms. agent,
When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.
Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.
When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.
Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.
Dear Ms. agent,
When Haisma Perell crosses worlds to find a cure for her brother, she has no idea she’s stepping into a whirlwind of universal-scale revolution.
Her parents murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, insane. Years of searching bear no results, so she launches on a desperate quest to steal a Dream, the only cure that may save him.
But the Dream must be smuggled from a distant world of the bizarre and unfamiliar. Haisma hires a guide, who turns out to be the worst possible choice of one. Faziel De Garxia, the winged Gatekeeper who could live forever through stolen years, suffers a severe case of hero complex. He is obsessed with fixing things, including her. Annoyed, Haisma almost discharges him, but his skills prove useful; his quixotic charms and engaging confidence do make for a fascinating study. He grows on her.
When they stumble upon the brink of revolution, Faziel, with his officious disposition, cannot help but poke his nose in. They soon learn Faziel’s one-time patron and best friend is leading the rebels, collaborating with a clandestine sect bearing the mark found in her parents’ murder scene. Haisma’s simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe.
Caught in a whirlwind of political power games, Haisma and Faziel battle through mental and emotional manipulations, winding up on opposing ends against their will. When Haisma assembles the means to trump the rebels by tracing the clues from her parents’ murder, she finds herself holding the safety of the universe in her hands while standing on the crossroads of an impossible choice: her brother’s Dream or Faziel’s life.
I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, an epic fantasy with themes of love, sacrifice and healing at its core. It is complete at 100,000 words.
Feb 1, 2011
QUERY - BOND OF DARKNESS
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Behind the disguise of a murderer seeking redemption, Valence fears his future. He is a pawn in a game bringing forward the return of the Darkness, an ancient infection of destructive intent.
When he crosses blades with an assassin proclaiming the Darkness's return, Valence's destiny is revealed. On the day he murdered a friend, he bore a legacy not meant for him -- a legacy connected to an evil and magic far before his time.
But one choice can change you, and for Valence, it means discovering how to suppress the infection and cure his own guilt.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.
Click here to read the third revision.
Behind the disguise of a murderer seeking redemption, Valence fears his future. He is a pawn in a game bringing forward the return of the Darkness, an ancient infection of destructive intent.
When he crosses blades with an assassin proclaiming the Darkness's return, Valence's destiny is revealed. On the day he murdered a friend, he bore a legacy not meant for him -- a legacy connected to an evil and magic far before his time.
But one choice can change you, and for Valence, it means discovering how to suppress the infection and cure his own guilt.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Jan 29, 2011
Query -Drego's Sword (second revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent)
War is tearing apart the countries of Cyrah. Power-hungry Gordar has killed the previous king and has ascended to the throne. Using a kidnapped seer and a ruthless assassin, Gordar is bent on finding the three gems hidden throughout the land. A single gem holds an infinite amount of magic. Whoever possesses all three will have power unlimited.
But the first of the gems has already fallen into the hands of seventeen-year-old Drego, a talented young warrior from a small coastal village. He sets out to find the last two gems and defeat Gordar, a journey that will take him throughout Cyrah, into the arms of a headstrong young woman, and to a darker, more violent part of himself he hadn’t known existed.
Drego's Sword is an epic medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.
-brief bio and such-
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear (Agent)
War is tearing apart the countries of Cyrah. Power-hungry Gordar has killed the previous king and has ascended to the throne. Using a kidnapped seer and a ruthless assassin, Gordar is bent on finding the three gems hidden throughout the land. A single gem holds an infinite amount of magic. Whoever possesses all three will have power unlimited.
But the first of the gems has already fallen into the hands of seventeen-year-old Drego, a talented young warrior from a small coastal village. He sets out to find the last two gems and defeat Gordar, a journey that will take him throughout Cyrah, into the arms of a headstrong young woman, and to a darker, more violent part of himself he hadn’t known existed.
Drego's Sword is an epic medieval fantasy that is 95, 000 words in length. It is the first book in a young adult series.
-brief bio and such-
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley
Jan 24, 2011
QUERY: Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance (First Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Thanks for all the input! I focused much more on the characters and their actions this time.
Dear [Agent],
The enemy that created him has cursed the powerful wizard, Master Tigon, with long life. This power has allowed him to watch civilizations rise and fall. Now it’s humanities turn.
Determined not to let this happen he travels to Atala, an ancient castle and home to the mighty Centaurs. There he finds Deminar, warrior prince and last hope of the world. Together the old wizard, the hero prince of Atala, and two Royal guards embark on a journey through an ancient portal to a foreign land. They travel to present day Earth.
After going above and beyond the call of duty to rescue the president, Captain Nolan Fields of the US Marine Corps is given a new company to command, Alpha Company First Recon Division, the best of the best. This company of Marines will join the knights on their journey and will be the first envoys to a new world. They will be part of the Earth’s First Contact with an alien civilization.
But, First Contact is a disaster. The team of marines is ambushed, some of them captured. Now Captain Fields and Prince Deminar must battle against two technologically advanced races; the unstoppable horde of the space-dwelling Nephilim and the Nano-machine powered Neila. But to save this planet these two soldiers from different worlds must unite humanity, for if they fail Earth will be next.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Thanks for all the input! I focused much more on the characters and their actions this time.
Dear [Agent],
The enemy that created him has cursed the powerful wizard, Master Tigon, with long life. This power has allowed him to watch civilizations rise and fall. Now it’s humanities turn.
Determined not to let this happen he travels to Atala, an ancient castle and home to the mighty Centaurs. There he finds Deminar, warrior prince and last hope of the world. Together the old wizard, the hero prince of Atala, and two Royal guards embark on a journey through an ancient portal to a foreign land. They travel to present day Earth.
After going above and beyond the call of duty to rescue the president, Captain Nolan Fields of the US Marine Corps is given a new company to command, Alpha Company First Recon Division, the best of the best. This company of Marines will join the knights on their journey and will be the first envoys to a new world. They will be part of the Earth’s First Contact with an alien civilization.
But, First Contact is a disaster. The team of marines is ambushed, some of them captured. Now Captain Fields and Prince Deminar must battle against two technologically advanced races; the unstoppable horde of the space-dwelling Nephilim and the Nano-machine powered Neila. But to save this planet these two soldiers from different worlds must unite humanity, for if they fail Earth will be next.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
QUERY: Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance
Dear [Agent],
An ancient Wizard has a vision, of war and death. A titanic clash between Centaur Steel and Nephilim shield swords. High above the planet space ships clash, the wounded and dead falling back to the surface in flames. But there is more to this war than the knights of Aztlan and the gray Nephilim aliens. The shape shifting monsters of Neila attack the flanks of the armies, while soldiers and tanks bearing the flags of our world lead the charge. Under the heels of these four armies run crimson rivers of blood and the tears of survival.
Now the wizard must unite two human worlds together to stand against a powerful alien foe.
The world's only hope of survival are the seven Pantheons of Light and Destruction, ancient temples long forgotten in the sands of time. United together they hold unlimited power, but the Nephilim have a head start, all that stands between them and victory is a US Marine Captain and a Warrior Prince.
Humanity faces destruction. Out gunned and out manned its fate seems sealed, but humanity has one advantage. It excels at war.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
An ancient Wizard has a vision, of war and death. A titanic clash between Centaur Steel and Nephilim shield swords. High above the planet space ships clash, the wounded and dead falling back to the surface in flames. But there is more to this war than the knights of Aztlan and the gray Nephilim aliens. The shape shifting monsters of Neila attack the flanks of the armies, while soldiers and tanks bearing the flags of our world lead the charge. Under the heels of these four armies run crimson rivers of blood and the tears of survival.
Now the wizard must unite two human worlds together to stand against a powerful alien foe.
The world's only hope of survival are the seven Pantheons of Light and Destruction, ancient temples long forgotten in the sands of time. United together they hold unlimited power, but the Nephilim have a head start, all that stands between them and victory is a US Marine Captain and a Warrior Prince.
Humanity faces destruction. Out gunned and out manned its fate seems sealed, but humanity has one advantage. It excels at war.
Nephilim Wars: The Formation of the Human Alliance is a complete Science Fiction / Epic Fantasy Novel at 140,000 words, with a complete blend of swords, sorcery, castle sieges, space battles, and modern warfare. This is my first attempt at publication.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Sep 6, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness (3rd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read what was once the supposed final revesion ;-)
Please disregard the previous version (2nd) saying "Final Revision." Despite my stance, I realized I could gain more for filling out the query to that 250 mark. Thanks to all!
Dear [agent],
[Personal introduction.]
Valence, a Lunata warrior, hears a not-so-avoidable voice in his head. It pokes around and guides him, but also haunts him to remember his greatest sin -- the day he killed a friend. He claims he was forced to murder, but by an unknown means. For fourteen years, he has lived among the diverse races of Villis-Idun, each of which fear the Lunata.
Valence has an equal fear that the people cannot sense. Evidence grows that the Darkness, a destructive infection, has returned to their land. It claims its victims' hearts and transforms them into murderous creatures. Already, Valence is hunted by creatures and servants of the infection, but he seeks salvation for himself and the innocent. Along with a few strong-willed friends, he must scour Villis-Idun and rediscover how the infection was first contained.
The fight for survival quickly becomes a war, and Valence is charged with saving those he has never met. He must shed his stigma and regain his honor. He must relearn to trust those who have wronged him, all while unifying a nation against an enemy they cannot see. If they cannot suppress the infection, the Darkness’ path will be open to destroy all interracial civilization.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper.
Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read what was once the supposed final revesion ;-)
Please disregard the previous version (2nd) saying "Final Revision." Despite my stance, I realized I could gain more for filling out the query to that 250 mark. Thanks to all!
Dear [agent],
[Personal introduction.]
Valence, a Lunata warrior, hears a not-so-avoidable voice in his head. It pokes around and guides him, but also haunts him to remember his greatest sin -- the day he killed a friend. He claims he was forced to murder, but by an unknown means. For fourteen years, he has lived among the diverse races of Villis-Idun, each of which fear the Lunata.
Valence has an equal fear that the people cannot sense. Evidence grows that the Darkness, a destructive infection, has returned to their land. It claims its victims' hearts and transforms them into murderous creatures. Already, Valence is hunted by creatures and servants of the infection, but he seeks salvation for himself and the innocent. Along with a few strong-willed friends, he must scour Villis-Idun and rediscover how the infection was first contained.
The fight for survival quickly becomes a war, and Valence is charged with saving those he has never met. He must shed his stigma and regain his honor. He must relearn to trust those who have wronged him, all while unifying a nation against an enemy they cannot see. If they cannot suppress the infection, the Darkness’ path will be open to destroy all interracial civilization.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper.
Thank you for your consideration.
Aug 30, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness (Final Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks to all of the comments who have pushed me to an MC-driven query. I hope you all enjoy this last version.
When a voice in Valence's head warns him of a coming war, he ignores it. His ignorance only lasts until he realizes he's faced this adversary before--as a young boy when he killed a friend. The act cast him into exile from the Lunata and he's forced to live among the other races, all of which fear his kind.
Traveling through his homeland, Valence sees the spread of the Darkness. It infects, claims, and ultimately destroys its victims. While he flees the infection, its influence grows. Creatures hunt him, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible.
As the Darkness' grip on the land tightens, Valence is determined to stop it. He must shed the stigma of his race, but more importantly, do so while he attempts to unify a nation against an enemy they cannot see.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Justin W. Parente
Writing as J.W. Parente
Click here to read the first revision.
Thanks to all of the comments who have pushed me to an MC-driven query. I hope you all enjoy this last version.
When a voice in Valence's head warns him of a coming war, he ignores it. His ignorance only lasts until he realizes he's faced this adversary before--as a young boy when he killed a friend. The act cast him into exile from the Lunata and he's forced to live among the other races, all of which fear his kind.
Traveling through his homeland, Valence sees the spread of the Darkness. It infects, claims, and ultimately destroys its victims. While he flees the infection, its influence grows. Creatures hunt him, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible.
As the Darkness' grip on the land tightens, Valence is determined to stop it. He must shed the stigma of his race, but more importantly, do so while he attempts to unify a nation against an enemy they cannot see.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Justin W. Parente
Writing as J.W. Parente
Aug 28, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness (1st Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Valence hears a voice in his head offering him advice. He struggles to ignore it, fearing the Darkness' return. For all he knows, the voice could be a manifestation of its unrelenting evil.
The Darkness infects everything it touches. Valence cannot be sure if he is one such victim. If he is, he could be aiding in the return of Balter Mithrus, the creator of the Darkness and a power the world is better off without.
Wielding the Pearls of Mithrus grounds Valence and allows him to see his tie to the new war against the Darkness. Mithrus demands his power returned or threatens to unleash the infection into the world. Creatures hunt Valence, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible. Pitted against the oldest evil in the land, he must save the lives of those he has never met and hope to make it out alive.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Valence hears a voice in his head offering him advice. He struggles to ignore it, fearing the Darkness' return. For all he knows, the voice could be a manifestation of its unrelenting evil.
The Darkness infects everything it touches. Valence cannot be sure if he is one such victim. If he is, he could be aiding in the return of Balter Mithrus, the creator of the Darkness and a power the world is better off without.
Wielding the Pearls of Mithrus grounds Valence and allows him to see his tie to the new war against the Darkness. Mithrus demands his power returned or threatens to unleash the infection into the world. Creatures hunt Valence, servants seek to destroy him and the conspiracy behind the Darkness grows larger than he thought possible. Pitted against the oldest evil in the land, he must save the lives of those he has never met and hope to make it out alive.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an epic fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. It tells the traditional hero’s quest while introducing an enemy far from demon lords and omnipotent gods. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Aug 26, 2010
Query- The End Begins (2nd Revision)
Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear __________,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Rai, an outcast seeking her lost parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
For her latest assignment she must protect the Source of Sentient Free Will. Though to the common man it appears to be an apple, it remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories. They close in on all sides, taking control of any ‘alien’ technology that has come into this world.
But as the population of anomalies like Rai grows, it forces the C.U.T. to go after the coveted fruit and take down anyone in their path. Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, she must navigate the dangerous territory while racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
Sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Click here to read the first revision.
Dear __________,
The End Begins is a 120,000 word epic sci-fi/fantasy story that follows Rai, an outcast seeking her lost parents while she copes as the only sorceress among a human population during a time of war. To private special interests, she offers herself as a mercenary to gain knowledge of her past and of the world around her.
For her latest assignment she must protect the Source of Sentient Free Will. Though to the common man it appears to be an apple, it remains unclaimed by the invading forces of the C.U.T., the Collation of United Territories. They close in on all sides, taking control of any ‘alien’ technology that has come into this world.
But as the population of anomalies like Rai grows, it forces the C.U.T. to go after the coveted fruit and take down anyone in their path. Against an army, aided by pockets of residential resistance, she must navigate the dangerous territory while racing against the C.U.T. to stop them from their ultimate conquest.
Sample chapters are available upon request. Thank you for your consideration.
Aug 23, 2010
Query - Bond of Darkness
Dear [agent]
Valence fears he's losing grip on reality. He hears a voice enticing him with questionable knowledge and claiming to be his guide, but it could be the Darkness leading him to the cause the fall of his beloved homeland.
He believes the Darkness, an infection that enslaves the heart, has returned and with it the warlord who created it. Yet Valence has taken something from the warlord. The Pearls of Mithrus were the warlord's source of power, and now Valence is their master. If he can learn to control them, he can stop the infection before it consumes the land.
With a life in shambles and the memory of a murdered friend following him, becoming a savior to the people is the farthest thing from Valence's mind. He must choose between the lives of those he has never met and his own own sanity at the hands of an ancient evil.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an Epic Fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
Valence fears he's losing grip on reality. He hears a voice enticing him with questionable knowledge and claiming to be his guide, but it could be the Darkness leading him to the cause the fall of his beloved homeland.
He believes the Darkness, an infection that enslaves the heart, has returned and with it the warlord who created it. Yet Valence has taken something from the warlord. The Pearls of Mithrus were the warlord's source of power, and now Valence is their master. If he can learn to control them, he can stop the infection before it consumes the land.
With a life in shambles and the memory of a murdered friend following him, becoming a savior to the people is the farthest thing from Valence's mind. He must choose between the lives of those he has never met and his own own sanity at the hands of an ancient evil.
BOND OF DARKNESS is an Epic Fantasy, complete at 115,000 words. I have been published in the Stockpot, an undergraduate literary journal and the Sentinel, a county-circulated newspaper. I am currently working on a sequel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
J.W. Parente
May 18, 2010
Query - The Shard, epic fantasy 130,000 words
Three years ago the minor noble MIDAS lost a son in an ambush by a troll. Now with his marriage crumbling and the Known Lands threatened by an invasion from a mysterious race of dragon men, Midas is torn between his duty to raise his two remaining sons -- peaceful ANTOS and ultra-competitive ALEKAS -- to be proper warriors, and the insistence of his wife that he keep the boys safe.
He takes his sons to war, but hopes to shield them from danger. His intentions go awry when a seer involves them in a plan to defeat the dragon men by finding a shard of a shattered magical relic, lost centuries ago in the lair of the most vicious dragon ever known.
After surviving the dragon, cannibals, deadly ice-wraiths, and a chase through a lost underground city, Midas and his remaining friends find the shard and join the armies of men, elves, and dwarves to confront the horde of dragon men, only to discover that the magic of the shard doesn’t work as expected. Midas is faced with the most excruciating of decisions -- save his sons, or save the realm and risk losing everyone that he loves.
He takes his sons to war, but hopes to shield them from danger. His intentions go awry when a seer involves them in a plan to defeat the dragon men by finding a shard of a shattered magical relic, lost centuries ago in the lair of the most vicious dragon ever known.
After surviving the dragon, cannibals, deadly ice-wraiths, and a chase through a lost underground city, Midas and his remaining friends find the shard and join the armies of men, elves, and dwarves to confront the horde of dragon men, only to discover that the magic of the shard doesn’t work as expected. Midas is faced with the most excruciating of decisions -- save his sons, or save the realm and risk losing everyone that he loves.
Jul 15, 2009
Query - ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME
Have you heard of a place far in the cosmos called Acadia? No? Not surprising, for even the name is nothing but a whisper to most who know of its lore. Alien as it may sound; Acadia is a world much like ours. It is a world of strife and a world of harmony—a home to many heroes and to many villains. But what if the villain was a hero—the hero a villain?
In the years after the Great War, a proud king has sacrificed his own life to rid the world of an evil that consumed his body and now his soul. But his sacrifice goes in vain, for the evil survived and nested itself in the only thing most precious to him: his only son. Damont Langörn, a young lord of an estate, comes to learn the truth behind his blood and a cryptic prophecy that unfolds before him. Leaving him thus with only two choices: To bring a new era of peace to Acadia or to accept his ominous future that would bring another era of darkness and the death of the Acadian gods.
The future is inevitable. Damont Langörn, ruler of Acadia and the world of the divine, is challenged and slain by his once closest ally and friend: Derrick Avren. Instead of the void, the once middle-aged man wakes up in the farmlands of Garribus in the bloom of his youth, and recalls nothing but the chores he had to do. An ancient prophecy is soon revealed, and then comes to him visions of an uncertain future. Embarking on a quest with the aid of a sorceress and a hunter to fulfill a prophecy, Damont learns the truth of his parents. He is the child of an ancient king and the goddess of time, carrying in his veins a legendary bloodline: the house of Langörn!
Before the throne of Haldina, home to his ancestors, is relinquished into the birth of his reign, Damont is betrayed by the city’s steward, Duke Therodyll. The Duke has chosen another to entrust his realm: Derrick Avren, prince of the Empire of Zafrëal. With the god of war at his side, Derrick instigates a new war between the east and west—and one he plans to win. To avail his cause and to empower his name, the queen of the Kingdom of Illyiümia offers her crown and realm to Damont Langörn. But to win the war, Damont seeks an ancient weapon his father once wielded—the sword of cosmos! A sword that feasts upon his blood, and hungers for the blood of the divine; but through its power, Damont puts an end to the onslaught and invasion of Zafrëal. In the end, he reclaims the throne of his forefathers and brings peace to the war-torn lands with the death of the god of war, while sparing the life of Derrick Avren.
Little did he know that his dark and malevolent future still awaited him in the decades to come…
My novel of 189,000 words, ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME, is an epic fantasy aimed for general readers, but more hopefully, for readers who appreciate great works such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, the Shadowmarch trilogy by Tad Williams, and the Crown of Stars series by Kate Elliott.
Thank you once again for your time and patience in considering my query.
Best regards,
Ali M. Naqvi
(angeluztb@gmail.com)
In the years after the Great War, a proud king has sacrificed his own life to rid the world of an evil that consumed his body and now his soul. But his sacrifice goes in vain, for the evil survived and nested itself in the only thing most precious to him: his only son. Damont Langörn, a young lord of an estate, comes to learn the truth behind his blood and a cryptic prophecy that unfolds before him. Leaving him thus with only two choices: To bring a new era of peace to Acadia or to accept his ominous future that would bring another era of darkness and the death of the Acadian gods.
The future is inevitable. Damont Langörn, ruler of Acadia and the world of the divine, is challenged and slain by his once closest ally and friend: Derrick Avren. Instead of the void, the once middle-aged man wakes up in the farmlands of Garribus in the bloom of his youth, and recalls nothing but the chores he had to do. An ancient prophecy is soon revealed, and then comes to him visions of an uncertain future. Embarking on a quest with the aid of a sorceress and a hunter to fulfill a prophecy, Damont learns the truth of his parents. He is the child of an ancient king and the goddess of time, carrying in his veins a legendary bloodline: the house of Langörn!
Before the throne of Haldina, home to his ancestors, is relinquished into the birth of his reign, Damont is betrayed by the city’s steward, Duke Therodyll. The Duke has chosen another to entrust his realm: Derrick Avren, prince of the Empire of Zafrëal. With the god of war at his side, Derrick instigates a new war between the east and west—and one he plans to win. To avail his cause and to empower his name, the queen of the Kingdom of Illyiümia offers her crown and realm to Damont Langörn. But to win the war, Damont seeks an ancient weapon his father once wielded—the sword of cosmos! A sword that feasts upon his blood, and hungers for the blood of the divine; but through its power, Damont puts an end to the onslaught and invasion of Zafrëal. In the end, he reclaims the throne of his forefathers and brings peace to the war-torn lands with the death of the god of war, while sparing the life of Derrick Avren.
Little did he know that his dark and malevolent future still awaited him in the decades to come…
My novel of 189,000 words, ACADIA, BOOK I: THE LOST KING AND THE GODDESS OF TIME, is an epic fantasy aimed for general readers, but more hopefully, for readers who appreciate great works such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, the Shadowmarch trilogy by Tad Williams, and the Crown of Stars series by Kate Elliott.
Thank you once again for your time and patience in considering my query.
Best regards,
Ali M. Naqvi
(angeluztb@gmail.com)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)