The Top 10 Signs You’re Living in the Corona Era

The Top 10 Signs You’re Living in the Corona Era

10) You notice that the Ministry of Unwritten Regulations has apparently decreed that every ad – whether in print (in one of the very few publications that are still being distributed) or online - must contain either a picture of a mask or an illustration of a coronavirus. Bonus points if the virus resembles a cuddly cartoon character.

9) Another day, another 17 “davening at home” jokes.

8) Shabbat feels like you’re in a Jane Austen novel. Everyone is dressed up in elegant clothes; there is nowhere to go; you meet the exact same people at every meal; and after dinner, you retire to the modern day equivalent of the drawing room, where you all sit around and talk and read. And if you get really bored, you can always take a turn about the room…

7) “Where/how are you doing your Pesach grocery shopping?” is the new “where will you be/who is coming to you for the Seder this year?”

6) Even your two-year-old grandchildren have been using Zoom to get together with the other kids from their ma'on (daycare center).

5) You’ve lost track of how many times someone has quoted all or at least part of the pasuk:

לֵךְ עַמִּי בֹּא בַחֲדָרֶיךָ וּסְגֹר דלתיך בַּעֲדֶךָ חֲבִי כִמְעַט רֶגַע עַד יעבור זָעַם
(“Go, My nation, come into your chambers and close your door behind you; hide for a brief moment, until the wrath shall pass.” --Yishaya 26:20)

4) Over the past week alone, you’ve attended a bat mitzvah, a hanachat tefilin, a baby naming, and several weddings, and not one of the other guests noticed or cared that you were wearing pajamas and slippers the entire time.

3) You have trouble remembering that only 3-4 weeks ago(!!), you had never even heard of terms like social distancing and flattening the curve.

2) You go outside to your backyard for a breath of fresh air, and your next door neighbor greets you from HER yard. As the two of you stand there catching up, separated by a wall and significantly more than two meters of space, you get to pretend that you’re Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor from “Home Improvement” chatting with Wilson over the fence. 

1) After shamelessly neglecting your blog for years and years, you’re suddenly inspired to sit down and write a post.

😊

Wishing you and your families only good health, and may we all soon be privileged to share besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation).

Book Review: “The Koren Magerman Youth Haggada”

While slowly adjusting to our new coronavirus-induced reality, and with nothing else to do and nowhere to go, many Israeli households are turning their attention to Pesach and its attendant preparations.

TRLEOOB (=The Real Life Equivalent of Our Blog), which way back in less unsettled times – i.e. two days ago! – was very much on its way to becoming an empty nest, but which, thanks to the latest batch of restrictions, is now once again the home base for a significant portion of the Shiputzim family, is certainly no exception.

But Pesach preparations aren’t limited to cleaning. They can also involve getting a new haggadah.

When I first received a review copy of “The Koren Magerman Youth Haggada,” my initial reaction was: THIS is exactly the haggadah that YZG and I had looked for over the years but had never managed to find!

Because while there are literally countless haggadot out there for adults, and plenty haggadot designed for younger kids, we always had trouble finding an appropriate haggadah for older tweens and teens.

We wanted a haggadah that was interesting and entertaining without being childish, simplistic, or condescending to the reader.

We weren’t looking for a “babysitter” that would distract the reader from the Seder itself but rather for a haggadah that would encourage the reader to engage with the text and also with the proceedings.

In short, we hoped to find a haggadah that would enhance the Seder experience for older kids, but unfortunately, as noted, such a haggadah didn’t seem to be readily available – until now.

Like other Koren releases, “The Koren Magerman Youth Haggada” is beautifully designed; includes an excellent, accessible translation; and is filled with wonderful, appropriate, and colorful illustrations.

The haggadah is obviously written with today’s kids in mind and is unapologetically Zionistic. In addition, every page contains questions for discussion, suggestions for experiential activities, and intriguing thoughts and stories.

Together, all of these features allow the reader to be an active participant at the Seder.

In conclusion, I highly recommend “The Koren Magerman Youth Haggada” and only wish that it was available several years ago!

May the coming days bring besurot tovot, yeshu’ot v’nechamot (good tidings, salvation, and consolation) for Am Yisrael, Eretz Yisrael, and Torat Yisrael.

Note: I was not paid to review this book, but I did receive a review copy from Koren Publishers.

Pesach 5775: Shmitah and brownies

Moadim l’simchah!

I hope you’re having a wonderful Pesach and enjoying the weeklong vacation.

B”H, thanks to YZG and the amazing Shiputzim kids, we had a beautiful seder and yom tov, and we’ve been spending chol hamoed visiting with family and going on various trips and outings.

It was on one of the aforementioned outings that we observed the following #onlyinIsrael sign hanging on the gate of a certain agricultural community:

Translation: “Shmitah is observed here!”

And speaking of Pesach, I know you won’t be surprised to learn that here in TRLEOOB* – as in many other households - we consider brownies to be a Pesach staple. (The Shiputzim kids made 7 batches this year.)

<quick explanation> As I mentioned elsewhere, although we don’t eat gebrochts on Pesach, we’re not fanatic about it. Basically, the only thing we avoid is matzah mixed with water. Other liquids are fine, and thus, the Shiputzim family’s favorite Pesach brownie recipe contains matzah meal but no water. </explanation>

Mezonot Pesach Brownies

Our electric hand mixer can handle four recipes at a time.

Ingredients

• 2 eggs
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 envelope vanilla sugar (can be included as part of the cup of sugar)
• ¼ cup canola oil
• ½ cup matzah meal
• 5½ TBSP cocoa

Directions

Beat eggs and sugars well. Gradually add remaining ingredients, and mix together.

Pour batter into baking-paper-lined pan (we use aluminum pans that are slightly smaller than 9x13). Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

Let the brownies cool before cutting.

Note: They freeze well. (We freeze the brownies whole and only cut them into squares immediately before serving.)

מועדים לשמחה, חג שמח ושבת שלום!

Have a fantastic chag and Shabbat, and enjoy your Shabbat Parshat Shmini/Isru Chag kitniyot!

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Euphonic Friday: Erev Pesach 5775 Edition

The food is cooked. The table is set. Showers were taken, and here in TRLEOOB*, everyone is enjoying their traditional pre-Seder naps while listening to this newly-released song by Gad Elbaz:

!שבת שלום וחג כשר ושמח

May you and your families have a wonderful, joyous, and kosher Pesach, and may we all be privileged to celebrate together next year in rebuilt Yerushalayim!

______________________
*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Dayenu

Looking for some appropriate music for Pesach cleaning?

Here’s the Maccabeats’ latest video:

Happy cleaning!

Fine Arts Friday: 5775 Calendar Edition

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for maternal boasting. Proceed at your own risk.

So, in case you were wondering – and I can’t imagine that you weren’t - here’s the thing about neglecting one’s blog:

It turns out – and yes, this came as quite a surprise for me, too - that when one allows days weeks months to go by without making time for blogging, one finds oneself with a rather extensive collection of partially-written posts.

I mean, consider the following images, which have been rattling around my Drafts folder since before Rosh Hashanah.

As veteran Our Shiputzim readers will no doubt recall, every year my mother puts together a family calendar, and the various grandchildren prepare the artwork.

Here are the Shiputzim kids’ beautiful contributions (I warned you that there would be boasting… :-)) to the 5775 calendar:

Parshat Shmot - January 2015
(Roughly corresponding to Tevet-Shvat 5775)

Bikurim (Shavuot) - May 2015
(Roughly corresponding to Iyar-Sivan 5775)

As always, please be sure to click on the pictures for a much better view.

Stay safe, warm, and dry, and have a wonderful Shabbat!
!שבת שלום ומבורך

Little Bo Peep has lost her… cows?

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for parental boasting. Proceed at your own risk.

It’s like watching a train wreck.

What with Yom HaAtzma’ut and even Pesach Sheni behind us, it’s just a matter of days before Lag BaOmer arrives in all its flaming, sooty, and incomprehensible glory.

For those just tuning in, Lag BaOmer, aka “the Night of the Tightly Sealed Windows,” consistently ranks (at least for adults) alongside Chodesh Irgun at the very top of the annual “what time of year do you dread the most” poll.

But while there’s absolutely nothing one can do to prevent Lag BaOmer from happening, one CAN turn to the time-honored traditions of avoidance and denial in a desperate attempt at mitigating some of its inherent unpleasantness.

To this end – and with your indulgence, of course - I’d like to take a few minutes to remind myself that being the Anglo parent of Israeli offspring isn’t always about heaps of smoke-infused laundry and enough stockpiled wood to light up, well, a small country…

After all, upon occasion, those very same Israeli offspring have a habit of accomplishing some pretty amazing things.

(Yes, this is where the aforementioned parental bragging begins…)

For instance, as you may recall, a few months ago I featured a poster that a certain Shiputzim daughter had skillfully drawn for her Mishnah class.

Recently, she had to make another project for the same class, and this time, she chose to make a diorama about Bava Metzia 2:9, which asks, “what is an aveidah (a lost item)?”

As you can see in the following pictures, the right side represents a case which isn’t considered to be an aveidah (“one who found a donkey or a cow grazing along the road”), and the left side depicts an example of something that IS an aveidah (“a cow runs among the vineyards”):

As always, please click on the pictures for a much better view.

</parental boasting>

What is your preferred method for dealing with Lag BaOmer’s nuisances?

!שבת שלום ומבורך

Port of call

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation pictures. Proceed at your own risk.

Think of it as an amendment to the original rule.

You see, according to the highly-acclaimed Our Shiputzim General Theory of Pesach Cleaning, now is the time for Stage II:

“Talking and blogging about cleaning in lieu of doing anything constructive.”

But seeing as this stage is essentially all about avoidance and denial, I would posit that an even better way to accomplish this goal is to ignore Pesach preparations altogether and, instead, to turn one’s attention to possible chol hamo’ed activities.

With that in mind – and with your permission, of course – I’d like to recommend a visit to the Ashdod port.

In principle, the Ashdod port meets the stringent criteria for “Ideal Late Summer Outings” – seeing as the tour is both free and air-conditioned. (Additional free and air-conditioned activities include the Bank of Israel in Yerushalayim and the Nesher Cement Factory in Ramle.)

But during most of the year, the Ashdod port is only open to schools and other large groups. However, during chol hamo’ed, families are welcome. [Note: Advance reservations are required.]

We were there on Succot (as you can see, it took me a while to get around to writing this post…), but I believe that the Pesach tours work the same way.

Seeing as there were no small children in our own group, we were very glad that kids under nine years old were not allowed (this rule is strictly enforced), because it meant that the tour was geared for adults and older kids.

The tour lasted about 1½ hours and was divided into two parts: a tour of the visitors center (where they have a few exhibits about the port’s history and operations, a couple of interesting audio-visual presentations, and several educational games) and a fascinating bus ride around the port itself.

IMHO, it is the latter that makes the Ashdod port well-worth the trip.

At one point, we found ourselves parked right next to a large ship, and we got to watch as the ship’s cargo was first unloaded and then reloaded.

Before I show you the threatened promised photos, I should explain that due to security concerns, visitors are only permitted to take pictures from outside the port’s perimeter, from inside the visitors center, or from a nearby scenic overlook known as Givat Yonah (literally, Jonah’s Hill – supposedly the burial site of Yonah HaNavi).

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a much better view:

The entrance to the port

A view from inside the visitor center

A view of the manmade breakwater from Givat Yonah

Two ships (as seen from Givat Yonah)

Cranes loading and unloading shipping containers (as seen from Givat Yonah)

Shipping containers (as seen from Givat Yonah)

In short, we all (yes, including the teenagers!) really enjoyed our visit to the Ashdod port. The tour guide was extremely knowledgeable; getting to watch the port in action was quite thrilling; and we learned a lot.

I don’t know if it’s too late to make reservations for Pesach, but if not, I highly recommend that you do.

Have you ever been to the Ashdod port?

HaAdom, HaAdom HaZeh

Shavua tov!

”הַלְעִיטֵנִי נָא מִן הָאָדֹם הָאָדֹם הַזֶה…“

“Pour into me now some of this red, red…”
(Breishit 25:30)

Like what seems to be a significant portion of the Jewish world (if Facebook and the J-Blogosphere are any indication), here in TRLEOOB*, we had red lentil soup today in honor of Parshat Toldot.

Sorry, no pictures of the cooked soup.

Parshat Toldot Crock Pot Red Lentil Soup

Inspired by at least half a dozen different recipes – including my mother-in-law’s recipe

Note: It turns out that if you take your crock pot out of the kitchen to clean for Pesach, but then leave it sitting right in the middle of the living room floor instead of carrying it upstairs and putting it away immediately, someone WILL trip over it. And when THAT happens, the crock pot insert WILL crack and break. In other words, I made the soup in our relatively new 8-quart crock pot…

Ingredients

• 1 large onion - chopped
• 3 large carrots - sliced
• 2 celery stalks - chopped
• 2 chicken necks
• 4 cups red lentils - checked and soaked (I used split lentils, but I think next year, I’ll IY”H try it with whole lentils)
• 800-gram can of crushed tomatoes (about 28 oz. for my American readers)
• 5 turkey/chicken hot dogs – sliced
• 3 cloves garlic – minced
• Dried parsley
• Dried oregano
• 2-3 bay leaves
• Salt
• Pepper
• Water

Directions

Put all the ingredients in the crock pot and fill it up with water. Cook on high for a few hours, and then turn the crock pot down to low before Shabbat.

!בתאבון

P.S. Laura shares a different red lentil soup recipe here.

_________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Iyar Top Ten

The Our Shiputzim Editorial Board proudly presents:

The Top 10 Reasons That Iyar Rates As One of the Twelve Best Months to Be Living in Israel

10) The entire country is decorated in blue and white.

9) The IDF – which, as I’ve noted before, does its very best to ensure that religious soldiers’ needs are met – automatically grants shaving exemptions for the duration of Sefirah to any soldier who so requests.

8) The shaving exemption even applies to IDF soldiers appearing on national television during the Yom HaZikaron ceremony at the Kotel.

7) In any given year, at least one of your kids is chosen to play an active role in a Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzma’ut ceremony – whether in gan, school, your community, or even the army.

6) Three years after I first shared my in-laws’ incredible pictures of the Kotel in the summer of 1967, that post continues to be extremely popular - especially in the weeks leading up to Yom Yerushalayim.

5) That satisfying feeling of accomplishment you get after successfully completing yet-another Iyar Challenge (i.e. supplying each of your kids with enough white shirts to make it through the first week of Iyar).

4) The amazing seasonal music. (See, for example, Udi Davidi’s beautiful Hitna'ari (including a translation).)

3) Four words: Yom HaAtzma’ut in Israel. There’s nothing like it!

2) The way the Pesach/Yom HaShoah/Yom HaZikaron/Yom HaAtzma’ut/Yom Yerushalayim/Shavuot continuum serves as a poignant reminder that the future of the Jewish People is here in Israel, where we’re B”H privileged to have front row seats on Jewish history.

1) The newly-minted four-day Lag BaOmer weekend…

!שבת שלום ול”ג-ל”ד שמח

Erev Pesach 5773 Report

The chametz has been burned; the haircuts have been given; and the charoset (aka the chumus of Pesach) has been made.

Now the only thing left to do is eat our standard Erev Pesach lunch (hint: Kashla”P potato chips are certain to play a prominent role), set the table for the Seder, and then take naps.

But first, YZG and I want to thank the wonderful Shiputzim kids for their incredible help this past week.

They cleaned, cooked, baked, ran errands, peeled mounds and mounds of potatoes, and mostly (seeing as how we’re talking the week before Pesach and all), washed and dried a never-ending stream of dishes.

Thanks, guys! We love you!

But what makes the Shiputzim kids’ help particularly remarkable and appreciated is that they managed to accomplish so much in spite of the fact that they recently expanded this year’s List of Justifications Perfectly Understandable Reasons For Getting Out of Pesach Preparations.

As always, the list included the annual pre-Pesach youth group outing (i.e. the Masa Pesach, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you), studying for the bagruyot, and various and sundry yimei iyun (“study days” or day-long seminars – i.e. a chance for the teachers to cram several weeks’ worth of uncovered material into a few hours).

But this year, the talented Shiputzim kids were able to come up with two more creative ways to avoid working legitimate excuses to be elsewhere: sherut leumi and army service…

On a related note, Our Favorite Bat Sherut had the honor of being the first one to use our brand new Pesach electric hand mixer (our old one is now, um, functioning-challenged…) when she whipped up a batch of these yummy cookies:

Non-Gebrochts Chocolate Chip Cookies

Slightly adapted from here.

Ingredients

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar (The original recipe called for 2 cups of white sugar, but next time, we hope to try it this way.)
• 2 envelopes vanilla sugar
• 1 cup canola oil
• 2 eggs
• 400 grams very finely ground almonds
• 1 cup potato starch
• 1 package chocolate chips

Directions

Cream sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla sugar with the oil. Beat in the eggs. Add the almonds and the potato starch and mix well. Add the chocolate chips and mix through.

Put the batter in the freezer for about 10 minutes. Remove from the freezer and form small balls out of the dough. Place the balls on a baking-paper-lined cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until done.

Yield: 72 cookies (The original recipe indicated that it yielded only about 45 cookies, but apparently, we made much smaller cookies.)

!חג כשר ושמח

The entire Our Shiputzim staff wishes our readers a joyous and kosher Pesach.

May we all be privileged to eat in rebuilt Yerushalayim from the zevachim and from the pesachim, speedily and in our days. Amen.

The Maccabeats: Les Misérables

Here’s the Maccabeats’ brand new Pesach video, based on “Les Misérables”:

Happy cleaning!

Assorted Blogbits

In lieu of a full-length post, here are several items of interest or note:

1) In a beautiful dvar Torah he delivered at a bar mitzvah this past Shabbat, YZG said that R’ Tzadok of Lublin explained that simchah (joy) is about optimism and our hope for the future. (For instance, the simchah of Adar is connected to the fact that Nissan – the month of Geulah (Redemption) - is right around the corner.) And on a related note, JPost has a wonderful piece about Israelis' rosy outlook on life.

2) The latest Haveil Havalim is available here. Special thanks to Esser Agaroth for including my post about religious soldiers and today's IDF.

3) Tis the season to, er, dust off the Our Shiputzim General Theory of Pesach Preparations. (IMNSHO, the best part of this plan is that there’s very little actual cleaning involved… :-))

4) Speaking of Pesach, a few years ago I observed that life in Bnei Brak continues to resemble the Haggadah. But as Rafi G. reports, Bnei Brak’s mayor thinks that it’s time for a change.

5) In an amazing take on the mitzvah of bikur cholim, students from the Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance flash-waltzed Tchaikovsky's “Waltz of the Flowers” at Yerushalayim’s Hadassah Hospital:

6) And finally, did you know that Our Shiputzim updates are available on Facebook? Simply head on over to the Our Shiputzim FB page and click “Like.”

!בשורות טובות

Fine Arts Friday: Parshat VaEra Edition

Israelis were divided into two groups today: those who were privileged to have snow in their own backyards and those who were forced to brave the icy roads in order to get their winter wonderland fix.

Although security considerations (ah, the travails of semi-anonymous blogging… ;-)) prevent me from telling you if we belong to the first or the second group, the halachot of snow day blogging apparently require me to share a picture of the Shiputzim kids’ snowy masterpiece:

And speaking of the Shiputzim kids and their handiwork…

About a month or two ago, ACSK (=a certain Shiputzim kid) had to do a project for school about one of the Ten Plagues and chose Makat Dam (the Plague of Blood).

Seeing as we will IY”H be reading Parshat VaEra this coming Shabbat, I figured that it would be appropriate to post the final result:

As always, feel free to click on the picture for a much better view.

In addition, here are a few close-ups of some of the details:

An Egyptian is upset, because his cup of water has turned to blood.

The well on the Goshen side has clear, sweet water.

An Egyptian has to buy water from a Jewish man.

A bathtub on the Egyptian side is filled with blood.

Special thanks to ACSK’s older siblings for all their help.

!שבת שלום ומבורך

Prophetic blogging

So, here’s the question: Do you believe that anyone live-blogged the Exodus from Egypt?

On one hand, the historical evidence suggests that no one did. After all, the Biblical era forerunner of modern blog editing software wasn’t really worth the papyrus it was written on, and even today, few – if any - spellcheckers can handle hieroglyphics.

But on the other hand, it was the Exodus!

We’re talking the Burning Bush! The Ten Plagues! The Splitting of the Sea!

Is it really possible that not ONE person who witnessed those earth-shattering events thought to him- or herself, “Wow! This would make an AWESOME post! My readers would LOVE to hear all about it! I am SO blogging this!”

Well, as it turns out (and as YZG pointed out after shul this past Shabbat Parshat Shmot), Sephardim and Ashkenazim obviously disagree on this topic.

The former apparently feel that blogging played no part in the Exodus, but the latter clearly hold otherwise.

I say this, because while Sephardic practice is to read the haftarah of Parshat Shmot from Sefer Yirmiyahu (Chapters 1-2), Ashkenazim traditionally read from Sefer Yeshayahu (Chapters 27-29).

And if one takes a quick look at Yeshaya 28:11 – i.e. right in the middle of the haftarah - one sees the following:

“כִּי בְּלַעֲגֵי שָׂפָה וּבְלָשׁוֹן אַחֶרֶת יְדַבֵּר אֶל הָעָם הַזֶּה.”

Admittedly, certain literal-minded translators may claim that this verse means:

”For with distorted speech and in another tongue, he will speak to this nation.”

But we here at Our Shiputzim believe that a much better translation is:

”For [on] blogs of (‘bloggei’) language and in another tongue, he will speak to this nation.”

Your thoughts?

Waiting period

It’s an age-old question:

How soon after Pesach may one resume baking chametz brownies?

Immediately? Not until after Lag BaOmer? Well into the summer? Rosh Hashanah?

After all, in many households – TRLEOOB* included – brownies are considered to be a Pesach staple. (B”N, I’ll try to post the Shiputzim family’s favorite Pesach brownie recipe in Nissan IY”H.)

Naturally, this means that by the end of Pesach, no one wants to even LOOK at another brownie.

<brief aside> Have you ever met anyone who did NOT insist that their Pesach brownies “taste even BETTER than chametz” [sic]? And yet for some reason, once that last Pesach dish is put away, no one bothers with their flourless dessert recipes anymore… :-) </aside>

My personal take is that Shavuot is an ideal time to bring brownies back into the baking fold.

But if that seems brazenly early for you, why not consider making brownies with a twist? Say, for instance, brownies with ganache?

Admittedly, healthy or dietetic, they aren’t – what with the evil pareve cream and all (see recipe below) - but hey, if it means that your family can start indulging in these classic chocolate treats sooner, one could easily make a case that calories and chemicals are a small price to pay. Don’t you agree?

Ganache-Covered Brownies

Based on my friend E.’s brownie recipe and adapted from here.

Ingredients

• 2 cups sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 2/3 cup oil
• 4 eggs
• ¾ cup cocoa
• 1½ cups flour

Ganache

• ½ container pareve cream
• 250 grams semisweet or bittersweet chocolate (we used a combination of the two)

Directions

Mix brownie ingredients together by hand and pour into a baking-paper-lined  9x13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes or until done. Let cool in pan.

Melt parve whip and chocolate together in the microwave. Pour the ganache over the brownies in the pan and spread. Refrigerate.

!בתאבון

__________

*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

Soaking it all in

Warning: The following post may exceed the statute of limitations on post-Pesach wrap ups. Proceed at your own risk.

“I have a question which I suspect no one has ever asked the Rav before,” YZG began.

The Rav was skeptical. There isn’t much he hasn’t seen or heard.

“We’ll see,” he replied noncommittally but with a definite twinkle in his eye.

And so YZG explained.

For 14 years – i.e. since the last time Shvii Shel Pesach (the 7th day of Pesach) came out on a Friday {insert: requisite Torah Tidbits stats, which note that there won’t be such a long break for another 200 years or so} – we’d been planning that this year, we’d spend the last day of Pesach and Shabbat Parshat Shmini (aka Isru Chag) at our gebrochts-eating relatives.

You see, the Shiputzim daughters are all determined NOT to be one of those women who grow up not eating gebrochts and then refuse to serve it to their families - even if their husbands DO indulge in knaidlach, matzah brie, matzah farfel kugel, and so on.

But in order to avoid falling into this surprisingly common trap, the Shiputzim daughters need to taste the aforementioned soaked delicacies.

And so, for the sake of the Shiputzim daughters and their future husbands and kids (BA”H), we decided to go to our relatives for that Shabbat.

After all, when it comes to gebrochts, they’re the experts. In contrast, we’re mere amateurs, at best.

But a couple of weeks before Pesach, we suddenly realized that there might be a problem.

Because assuming that such a thing is possible, said relatives are even more fanatic about early Shabbat than we are.

Which meant that it would not yet be Tzait HaKochavim (loosely, nightfall) when we were going to be accepting Shabbat.

Was there any way, YZG asked, for us to have gebrochts at that Friday night meal?

The Rav smiled.

No, he certainly had NOT been asked that question before… :-)

However, be that as it may, he continued, we should wait until after Tzait to eat the gebrochts (although for this purpose, we could abide by a lenient opinion of Tzait).

Translation: We wouldn’t be able to have knaidlach with our soup, but if we stalled and sang a few extra zemirot, we could easily partake of the matzah farfel kugel that was set to appear during the main course.

For the record, our gracious hostess offered to switch the courses and serve the soup course AFTER the main course - thus allowing us to have the knaidlach, albeit at the price of the matzah farfel kugel.

And so, as we are wont to do, the Shiputzim family took a vote.

We all agreed that the picky eaters among us (read: those who wouldn’t commit to eat both the knaidlach AND the kugel) had no say in the matter. In addition, the voting commissioner (that would be me) ruled that YZG couldn’t vote, because it’s his fault that we don’t eat gebrochts… :-)

With only a handful of eligible voters remaining, the decision was unanimous. Everyone opted for the kugel. (Their reasoning was that they’d all had knaidlach before – although admittedly not up to our hostess’s standards – but no one makes matzah farfel kugel when it isn’t Pesach. No, not even during Gebrochts Week…)

And, so, to make a long, boring story even longer and more boring, we had gebrochts, and all was right with the world.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering why we wasted our time on gebrochts when we could’ve been eating kitniyot </reason #2119 for making aliyah>, wonder no more.

Because on that Shabbat afternoon, we had some Doritos, and all would’ve been even more right with the world. Except that surprisingly, unlike dishes containing soaked matzah, salty corn-based snacks just don’t seem to lend themselves to long-winded, drawn-out posts…

Did you eat gebrochts and/or kitniyot on Shabbat Parshat Shmini/Isru Chag?

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P.S. Speaking of Pesach, check out the latest Kosher Cooking Carnival here. Special thanks to Jennifer in MamaLand for including my non-gebrochts choco-nut bars.

National Parks: Herodion Edition

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation pictures. Proceed at your own risk.

As longtime readers are aware, it wouldn’t be Chol Hamoed here in TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog) without a trip to one of Israel’s beautiful national parks, and so, on the Wednesday of Chol Hamoed Pesach, we set out for Herodion.

The weather was windy yet clear, and we were thrilled to be joined by Guest Blogger Malke and her family.

Located just outside of Yerushalayim in eastern Gush Etzion, Herodion resembles a truncated cone and dominates the surrounding area. From the top, one can see the Dead Sea and even the mountains beyond.

Herodion was originally built by Herod as a sumptuous palace/fortress, and it boasted the absolute latest in Roman era mod. cons. and amenities - including cisterns, saunas, a theater, and a lavish swimming pool with an island in the middle.

Historians believe that out of all of Herod’s massive construction projects (e.g., renovating the Second Beit HaMikdash, Caesarea, etc.), Herodion was his favorite. After all, it was the only one he named after himself, and it was where he was buried. (The park’s requisite movie focuses on the hours leading up to Herod’s funeral. Apparently, the funeral’s organizers had the foresight to video the proceedings… :-))

Later, during the Great Revolt (66-70 CE - i.e. HaMered HaGadol, for the Hebraically-oriented among you), Herodion served as a base for the Jewish fighters, who were unimpressed by the luxury and added a beit knesset and several mikvaot instead.

Then, during the Bar Kochva Revolt (132-136 CE - i.e. Mered Bar Kochva, for the Hebraically-oriented among you), the fighters dug out a cleverly-engineered network of  tunnels, which today’s visitors are allowed to explore.

And now, without further ado, the threatened promised pictures:

First, the obligatory shot of the price list, to show how much money we saved as a result of our National Parks Authority membership:

Note the little bird resting on top of the sign.

The view from the fortress:

The square with the round thing in the middle in the foreground is the remains of Herod’s swimming pool.

Inside the fortress:

The green tarp covers the beit knesset.

And, finally, inside one of the Bar Kochva tunnels:

As always, feel free to click on the pictures for a closer view.

Have you ever been to Herodion?

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P.S. Coincidentally, Batya also visited Herodion during Chol Hamoed (although not on the same day as us). Be sure to check out her post.

Chol Hamoed at the Museum

It’s Chol Hamoed Pesach, and you know what that means, right?

Yes, that’s right! It means that it’s once again time for me to bore you to tears with our family vacation photos! Yay!

But for a change, this post won’t include any national park pictures (although I can’t promise that they won’t appear here on the blog later this week IY”H).

The thing was that yesterday’s warmer temperatures seemed to call for an indoor attraction, and Yerushalayim’s Israel Museum fit the bill.

Although it’s been nearly two years since the museum’s renovations were completed, we hadn’t been there since it reopened, and so when a Shiputzim daughter asked if we could go this week, YZG and I were happy to oblige.

Because not only is admission free for kids under 18 throughout chol hamoed, but the Israel Museum is somehow able to pull off that rarest of feats:

You see, it’s very interesting and has much to offer for visitors both young and old. (In particular, the Judaica collections, the interiors of the old shuls, the wedding gowns, and the Holyland model are some of the Shiputzim family’s favorite things to see.)

However – and here’s the amazing part – at the same time, like any museum, it, by definition, raises the KQ (the all-important Kvetching Quotient) to astronomical levels. And as I’ve noted elsewhere, there’s nothing that YZG and I enjoy more than some good, old-fashioned, adolescent grumbling… </sarcasm>

And now, without further ado, here are the promised photos…

Assorted archeological finds:

A succah from late 19th century Germany:

The interior of an Italian shul from 1700:

BTW, a somewhat similar 18th century Italian Aron Kodesh can be seen in Beit Knesset Renanim, Heichal Shlomo’s on-site shul.

And of course the famous Holyland model of Yerushalayim from the time of the Second Beit HaMikdash, which is now located near the Shrine of the Book:

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a closer view.

What are your favorite parts of the Israel Museum?

Changed beyond recognition

The original idea was to bake some pesachdik (i.e. kashla”p, for the Hebraically-oriented among you) mandelbroit, using a recipe from here.

But unfortunately, that plan didn’t pass muster with TPTB (=the powers that be) – i.e. He Whose Fault It Is That We Don’t Eat Gebrochts (that would be YZG, for those of you who are just joining us now) – who felt that mixing matzah meal and apple sauce was too extreme, even according to our admittedly-lenient gebrochts standards.

And so, the Resident Ulpanistit and I took the aforementioned mandelbroit recipe and made so many additions, subtractions, and modifications, that the end result proved to be a different dessert entirely:

Non-Gebrochts Choco-Nut Bars

Adapted and altered beyond recognition from here.

Ingredients

• 2 eggs + 2 egg whites
• ⅓ cup oil (we used canola oil, but nut oil should work too)
• ¼ cup applesauce (increase sugar if you’re using unsweetened applesauce)
• ⅔ cup sugar (next year, we might try to replace half the sugar with brown sugar)
• 1 envelope vanilla sugar
• 2½ cups chopped almonds
• ¼ cup potato starch
• 1+ cup chocolate chips (next year, I’d add even more)
• (optional) brown sugar or cinnamon/sugar for topping (we used cinnamon/sugar)

Directions

Beat eggs and egg whites with oil and applesauce. Add sugar, vanilla sugar, almonds, and potato starch, and mix well. Pour batter into a 9x13 baking-paper-lined pan. Sprinkle chocolate chips over batter in the pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Remove from oven, and use a knife to form a marble pattern (a la chocolate swirl blondies). If using cinnamon/sugar or brown sugar, sprinkle over swirled batter. Return pan to oven for an additional 30 minutes.

Remove the pan from oven. Cut into bars and let cool in pan.

!מועדים לשמחה ובתאבון