swami's visit

This year when Swami came in January Sky had just moved back home with us. I was still getting settled after a quick trip to California, so instead of me, Gary travelled with the group to a neighbor island.  He had a great time. A few days later he arrived with the group, about fifteen people. They stayed at our friend Ron's house, which is around the corner from where we live.

Our new friends came also, with their three sweet boys. We all loved having them. We had meals together, went to the beach, swam in the pool, harvested tulsi to be sent to Japan, went for a hike, and of course, made a lot of ruckus.

Swami's visit brought new musical friends as well and some wisdom. He did a day long retreat and I got to ask a couple questions:

How do we develop patience?
How we we get rid of our personal negative tendencies?

His answers were great. In terms of patience he said we need to do two things: first we need to  have the understanding and wisdom that we need patience. And secondly, we gain patience through experiences. He used the example of a child having a tantrum. We stay in a higher state and don't beat the child out of love. We recognize that the behavior will pass. That takes patience.

In terms of internal change he said the first step is that we have to know that we need to make changes. Also, we often forget that our negativities are not our true, deepest selves. If we can be detached from negativities and recognize that they are not our true self, we can more easily make changes inside.

There was more but these parts stood out to me. I am always appreciative to spend time with wise and kind people and learn and grow.

haiti and baked goods

This month Mr. Shawn decided to do some fundraising for a project my brother is involved in. My brother is headed to Haiti to treat victims of cholera and he is part of a group that frequently goes there to give medical treatment to people who otherwise have no way to see a doctor. This is their cause if you want to check it out. 

Shawn was so excited to contribute the money he made selling his delicious breads and muffins. He did the planning, shopping, and baking all by himself. I smashed a few bananas, that was it for my contribution. Shawn made close to $200! Here's what Shawn had to say.

"I'm SOOO proud of my uncle for doing all of this selfless service for the people of Haiti. I raised this money from making banana bread and blueberry muffins and selling them to my neighbors. Hopefully that will inspire whoever is out there to do something like that and help the world as much as possible! :)"

corner view~love in my corner

Lately, in my corner, love has had the mask of unselfishness.  That and unexpected magic.
I am very proud of my kids when they show unselfishness.
That has been happening in leaps and bounds over here.
Thanks Jimmy.

16

This girl is on fire.  She has had such a year.  She is a sophomore in high school now. She is full on into her music -- songwriting and playing guitar, bass, drums, and piano.  Her newest love is science. She is challenging herself to get into a more advanced math class next year, and jumping into a research opportunity where we live, working with a world famous scientist.  Here we go.

Annabel I love your tenacity, your unique way of seeing the world, your maturity (even if you don't see yourself as particularly mature), your creativity that just overflows every day.  You are such an unselfish, sweet, caring girl.  Your analyzing mind will help you become who you are destined to become.  Don't ever stop questioning.  You started at age five, and haven't stopped.  It will serve you well.  I believe in you and I deeply respect you.  Recently you became inspired hearing Amma's New Years message, one of her suggestions,"Never pass by an opportunity to help someone if you can." You have taken this to heart and become such a huge help to me around the house.  I sincerely appreciate it.

I totally, oattally love you Annabellie.  

for my children~the importance of forgiveness

If you harbor any resentment, if you are angry with any person or situation, it is best for you, them, and everyone else if you work it out, make it right, and forgive them. It is also important if you can ask for their forgiveness.  Oftentimes we hurt others without meaning to.  Even if we feel we are wrongly accused, or mistreated, if possible it is helpful to ask for forgiveness.  We never know the impact of our actions or sometimes even our presence on another person.

Say for example we have an acquaintance who has always been rude to us.  We have never done anything to hurt them.  Still they continue this behavior.

We don't know how it feels to be them.  Maybe we remind them of someone else who was really cruel to them, just because of our hair color, or demeanor.  Maybe every time they see us they feel sad, remembering how is was to be so mistreated.  How can we possibly know the effect we have on others?  We can't always know.  This may be an extreme example.  Still it is best to get forgiveness and be on good terms with all people.
 
If you try and you can't succeed, then just forgive, let go, and move on.  And mentally, not verbally ask for their forgiveness.

Remember this: every person, every situation, every bad experience you have is a teacher.  It is an opportunity for you to learn something.  So ask yourself, what can I learn from this?

for my children~grace

Dear Sky, Annabel and Shawn,

This is my first in a series I will be writing to you over the next few years.  It has occurred to me that there are some things I want to tell you, some life lessons I hope will help you as you grow up. These are things I have come to learn as I have lived my life.  I hope you find them helpful.
Love,
Mom

Grace is always there.  Sometimes, we just need to get out of the way.  It's our ego that gets us in trouble.  It's good to pray to God and ask for what we want.  It helps us to get clear about what we are trying to manifest in our lives.  But sometimes, instead of praying, and acting like a bit of a beggar, we might try considering that God knows, and sees us going through our lives.  He sees our struggles. And maybe then we can try to go on with our business, living our lives the best that we can, and trusting that we are indeed in good hands.

It seems to me that Grace will flow more readily to us when we have a humble heart.

shawn's heart

Today I was doing my daily meditation.  I usually do it in the morning when the kids are in school, but I had gotten a late start and therefore was in the middle of sitting in silence when Shawn came home from school at three o'clock.  He opened the door and came into my room quietly, slipped a single pear slice into my opened hand, patted me on the head, kissed my cheek, and tiptoed out of the room. He has never done this before.

Earlier today I found my old resume, or Curriculum Vitae (CV) as I was told to create (more intellectual). The CV was on paper -- creme colored, thicker than the typical piece, with a little texture.  Even back then I was recycling, because the CV was actually on the back of an old handwritten presentation I used to do about art and dissociative identity disorder, research I did in graduate school many years ago. I looked the CV over, pleased to have found it, as I have been thinking a lot about a question that used to be of utmost importance to me in my younger years and is only recently coming back to visit me...

What am I going to do when I grow up?

I thought today about my past professional work experience, how I left a prestigious full-time art therapy job in Washington DC behind to start a new life in California; I was young, energetic, full of hope at the age of twenty-six.  How I found odd jobs at that juncture in my life, and did many presentations for free in California, trying to get my foot in the door of something new.  How the best I came up with was a job as a part time art therapist/part time psych tech in a psychiatric hospital, after teaching one course at a small local university.  This and teaching gymnastics and art classes kept me busy until I welcomed my first child into the world.

I thought about how inspiring it was a few months ago for me to see my brother do a presentation of his work. This is the brother who is a physician that does research, teaches medical students, and runs an ICU all with finesse and class and heart.  This is the brother who due to his own conviction has been to Haiti several times to help save lives of people traumatized by the 2010 earthquake, because he was asked.  This is the brother who saved the life of a little girl with a lung infection when doctors in Haiti could not help her.  He found two doctors in Chicago willing to bring their own equipment to do the risky surgery after several Haitian doctors had failed, and a person in the community was so touched by the story that he paid for all of their flights.

As I thought about my CV, a bit yellowed with age and untouched for so long, I asked myself what can I add to this?  What work have I done in the last twenty years while raising my kids?  I did help edit a book for a couple of years.  It has yet to be published.  It awaits my attention, and will take time.  But this is time I do not have right now.  I volunteer as a treasurer for a local humanitarian group.  Can I put that on my CV?  And I did help Gary and the girls with music promotion, and still do.  Do I put this on my resume to fill up the space for the last twenty years, I wondered?

But when Shawn came to me and slipped that pear slice in my hand, that little quiet gesture, I realized that I have done work that doesn't go on a resume, or a CV, but nonetheless is incredibly valuable.  In that moment I realized I have been doing a good job at my job.  And the rest will unfold as it is meant to.                      

circling the world/giveaway

back cover of "No Turning Back" designed by Gary and Sky

Here is the final song to share with you from Gary's new album.  This song, "Circling the World" is described by Gary as "about our inner search to find faith in love."

My interpretation -- This could be romantic love, or Divine love.  I like to think of it as both.

The first line is, "Every mind, circles a world, tries to find the sun it left behind."

That has been my task in the last year since I began my daily meditation.  A beautiful challenge, one that I have to recommit to daily.  It's easy to leave the sun behind.  But it's always there.  We just sometimes forget.

A giveaway of the CD "No Turning Back" is happening this week on Facebook. Click here and like Gary's page to play along!

happy thanksgiving

I am grateful for our home and food to feed our family.
I am grateful for the opportunity to come together with friends and feed the homeless in our community.
I am grateful to the people who started this seva opportunity.
I am grateful for the blessings that this experience is giving to all of us.
We are now doing this once a month, as a family.  Friends with kids are joining.  More and more people want to participate.

A week after the first time we worked to feed the homeless in our community, which always includes many children, I asked my son a question.

"Shawn what do you feel best about in your life?"

I expected him to say his school grades, sports accomplishments, learning drums...

But without hesitation he answered, "Feeding the homeless."  I remembered a week prior, as Shawn stood in line offering scoops of rice to all of the people who came through the line, with more politeness than we usually see at home.  (He called the women ma'am!)  I remembered all the children who came through the line with their parents, I think we fed 72 people that night.  I remembered two boys, probably brothers, who looked about Shawn's age, all of them the same height, and how they all met eyes.  And I realized, never underestimate the power of these types of experiences for our children, all of them -- those with homes and those without.

So yes, happy Thanksgiving.

what to do with the little unexpected things

Annabel at age 6

This morning I was required to spend time on something unexpected.  This took away from my normal routine, which includes, on Fridays, two half days with different pickup times.   With our kids in public school only two full days a week, I have less quiet time at home to get things done than anytime since they were babies, or home schooled.  I adore my kids.  I love my kids.  But I also crave solitude and quiet in the house, especially now that it is so rare.  And when I have it, I get things done a lot more effortlessly, and I can focus better.

Needless to say, this morning I never got to my meditation.

Annabel came home from school, the first one, after noon dismissal.   I ate a quick lunch and then announced that I was going to do my meditation.  Since I do this daily, the kids have become accustomed to this and respect that it is important to me.   

Annabel said she wanted to meditate with me.  That she was just thinking yesterday that she wanted to do it.  When we used to home school we meditated together most days.  For several months, we spent 1/2 hr doing a guided meditation for kids that she (and I) had learned.  It was really good for her.

So naturally when she asked to join me today after a long hiatus, I said sure.

We sat down for a 1/2 hour meditation.  Within a few minutes I could hear a loud buzzing of some sort of electrical machine right out my window, coming from the neighbors yard.  Just breathe, I told myself.  The noise would come and go unexpectedly.  Try as I could to not be attached to the blaring sound and find the peace within me, just like the monks do, despite all circumstances, I kept feeling annoyed.  Breathe, I told myself.  Breathe.  I was wondering how Annabel would react.  Surprisingly, she was peaceful.  

Three quarters way through our meditation, the noise finally stopped.  I was able to feel so much more peace and calm without the jarring to my nervous system.  I tried not to judge myself.  Breathe, I told myself.

Later Annabel and I talked about the noise.  "I was just imagining that each noise was the machine saying Om," she told me.  Amazing.   

Because when you think about it, this meditation experience is like life.  We practice meditation so that when we are stressed we can remember to be calm, to breathe through it, and find our center.  And what better way to grow spiritually than to roll with the unexpected!     

today i went to a yoga class...

original watercolor painting 1991

....Because it was time.  I sensed it.  It had been months.  It took something -- courage, strength, resolve, reserve -- to get me there.  I don't know why it was hard to jump back in.  What I knew this morning was, it was just time.

This quote was on the yoga studio's website;
Nothing would be done at all if we waited until we could do it so well that no one could find fault with it. - Cardinal Newman

I worked with a teacher named Erika.  She talked about opening our hearts to being our authentic self, and as I write it here it sounds kind of cliche', but it was actually really beautiful.  She worked us with just the perfect amount of athletic poses, but also stretches that I needed.  I am very picky about teachers.  Years ago twenty-something Erika and I were in the same class together.  She was the yoga star, the super fit energetic young thing.  We had this incredible teacher named Marc.  After he moved away I tried many classes but I never found a teacher I liked half as much as him.  So I stopped trying.  Now Erika is a teacher with something genuine to offer me, and others.

I liked her class.  It felt great to do an actual class, versus practicing yoga at home which I have been doing.  I naturally worked longer and harder than I do when I am on my own.  And I didn't make a complete fool of myself!

I will go back.  Thanks Erika.  

our time in virginia...

...Included visits with friends, a visit to Old Town Alexandria and a visit to see Amma.

There is nothing like old friends.  Whenever we go to Virginia we get to see two families - some of our oldest and dearest friends.  I am so grateful that they both live relatively near each other.  And we stay with them, instead of in hotels, which of course is much more fun.   We share meals together, we relax together, we stay up late talking, we play music.  We laugh and talk about years of memories.

There is nothing like Old Town Alexandria.  It is old but alive, artistic, joyous, beautiful, fun.  I love going there, it is a magical place for me.  I lived there in my twenties, and wrote about it here and here.  I love that I got to live there, when I was a single gal, out of graduate school, a working girl.  I love that I got to live with one of my best friends at the time, who is still one of my best friends.  It was while we lived in Alexandria that I was invited to a party with some med students from Georgetown, and at this party my friend met her husband.  I kinda dragged her there, she wasn't in the mood to go.  She was glad we went! 

We took the kids to see Amma.  She was at a hotel in Virginia.  In fact her programs were held in a huge ballroom where twenty plus years ago I attended a conference on multiple personality disorder.  I was interning as an art therapist in a psychiatric hospital, and my boss was the chairman of the conference. 

It was great to see Amma.  We got to talk with her.  She is always so encouraging of the children.  Over the years the girls have performed music for Amma, and she is always so happy when they do this.  In fact it was Amma who first asked Sky to sing in public.   

There is no one like Amma.  That is for sure.  Sometimes she gives apples when you go up for her darshan.  Sky was thrilled to get her first one.  This summer Amma spoke and laughed with everyone.  She comforted sad people and made administrative decisions about her numerous charities and her hospital and gave people advice, all the while hugging everyone who came to see her until all hours of the night, her one cheek bruised from the constant contact she has with so many people's faces and heads pulled to this one side and, as usual, I was inspired.  

ps to halloween -- moderation

When I was a new mother wise people told me to trust my intuition when it came to making parenting decisions.  Time and time again I heard this advice, from my mother, from older parents, from my midwife, from the pediatrician.

Every year when our kids go out on Halloween night we make the most of it and all have fun with it.  But after they are home and we see that they have once again gathered gobs of candy we struggle with what to do with all of it.  We don't think it is good for them to ingest regular quantities of sugar, food dye, and preservatives every day for a month, or longer.  When we have allowed this they have always ended up getting sick at some point, due to the tax on their immune systems (this is our theory).  So we usually let them keep some candy, and give the rest to the local firefighters.  Still we find that after days and days and days of candy after school, they are addicted to sugar, and it lasts all the way through Christmas. 

This year they have more on their plate.  They are busier than ever before with sports, schoolwork, etc.  Annabel is doing theater, writing a "novel" and recording her songs.  Sky has joined a youth group.  And Shawn is playing a new instrument and writing his "novel."  Not to mention the new realm -- tons of socializing on weekends, especially in the evenings, and therefore they are staying up later than they used to.

When we returned from summer travel we decided to experiment and cut video games from their life.  So far the result is more time for creativity and after a little initial grumbling, their lives are no worse for the wear.  They still get to watch videos and occasional tv shows (which have a beginning, a middle and an end).  In moderation.

A month ago we noticed that they all seemed a tad, addicted to sugar.  With Halloween and the holidays coming we decided to stop buying them sweets, and filled the house with more fruits.  Guess what?  Upon initial grumbling, and Why can't we have Doritoes and candy like other kids, this is kinda lame Mom they are just as happy as they were before.  And so far, way healthier.

In addition they all have milk allergies that had gotten bad and two of them are allergic to chocolate.  Guess what?  After the initial grumbling they have all been very responsible in avoiding these foods.

Just a couple of days ago Shawn said to me, "Mom I have been really good at showing restraint.  There were chocolate cupcakes for someone's birthday in school and I could have just had one and you never would have known, but I didn't.  But it was really hard!"

My little man.  He is learning valuable lessons that will translate in time.

epilogue - We offered them dinner at their favorite restaurant and sorbet for desert, in exchange for tossing all the candy.  They countered with keeping some candy instead.  We allowed them to each keep seven pieces of candy.  The rest we gave away.   We witnessed the gathering, sorting, and trading which seemed just as much fun as the eating for them. 

They will survive this deprivation no doubt. :) 

corner view~impression

Evening boat dock, Alexandria Bay, Virginia, 1992

oil pastel on paper

There was a time in my life when I made art all the time.  Like when I made the drawing above.  I was single, living in Old Towne Alexandria then and could walk to the water's edge from my apartment.  I often did this at night when the weather was warm.  There were street musicians, family with strollers, live music, buzzing restaurants.  I would bring my sketchbook with me wherever I went.  I carried a large bag to fit it in.

My artmaking started in childhood and lasted into my twenties.  I became an art therapist after completing my masters degree, which I did right after college.  I worked in a psychiatric hospital full time as an art therapist.  I did several groups a week, they lasted about two hours.  There was a big art room full of great supplies on our unit.  While the patients created art in the first hour, relaxing music playing in the background, I often painted with them.  It was just a part of my daily life.

Now I carry a smaller purse and I don't even have a sketchbook.  I bought one this summer, but it sits on my desk, crisp, clean, still new.  I am trying to break through the resistance.  I don't know how to get back there to daily artmaking.  I have been painting some.  I feel like I don't have the free time to get myself into that creative space.  I do have some free time in the week, but it's hard for me to get there.  But every time I take the time I enjoy it so much.
   

 Laura Howard and artist me, 1992.  

Laura made such an impression on me.  She was my friend.  We worked at the hospital together.  She was a nursing staff member.  She had a great sense of humor and a fierce sense of loyalty.  She was really intelligent, but totally approachable to staff and patients alike.  Some people are solid.  They are who they are and they never change.  Laura is one such friend.  To this day she is a fan of me and my entire family.  I miss her.  How lucky we are to find the friends we do on our life's path.

corner view~growing (hearts)

Growth: We have taught our children that the most important thing in life is to be kind.  In our book this supersedes intelligence, talent and strength.  We tell them without kindness other strengths are weakened.  In fact we tell them that kindness itself is power.  Especially our son, who values strength above most anything else.  

Growing:  With the support of my awesome husband Gary in serving and cleaning up dinner back at home for our two youngest children, Sky and I have begun to help cook dinner at our local homeless shelter once a month.  We do this through our local "Mother's Kitchen."  We cook with some sweet friends, and they have a daughter too, so it is fun for the girls.  We made a polenta, bean and cheese dish, fruit salad, mixed veggies, and fruit crisp for desert.  We prepared food for about 60 people.   Our friends were so happy we came because they really needed our help...two adults and a teen girl have been cooking the large meals by themselves for the last few months.  And speaking of growing, look at the squash the shelter residents grew in their garden!  We got to serve it to them! I sauteed it in oil and spices, and we added it to the polenta. 

you can't tell...

...but it actually says "peace in the chaos" and that has been my goal as of late.

Because truthfully the summer travels have been wonderful, and inspiring and exciting.  But I have stayed in nine different places in one month's time.  Tomorrow we return to a house for another couple weeks, then stop off one more place before we head home!

Every day, find time for quiet reflection.  Every day enjoy what life brings you.  Every day take some fun photos.

We are having a blast!  I have much to share from our travels thus far on this blog.  I have to get some time to go through our photos!

corner view~animal

I think swans are some of the most beautiful, elegant animals there are.  This one lives in California, and I recently had the pleasure of meeting her.

Stay tuned for more on our adventures thus far.  Suffice to say we are now on part two of our trip and things are going well, and we have had some wonderful times despite current illness, unexpected changes of plans, and accidents resulting in a couple of fat lips...

Because like the swans, that move so gently and peacefully, I am remembering that in stillness I find my peace, and somehow I am experiencing this daily. 

one finished...

Two to go!

Our boy has completed third grade.  He got a very good report card this last quarter.  He also got the above special certificate with the principal's real signature.  He read me and then later, Gary, the entire certificate, word for word.  He was pretty proud of himself.

Then Shawn and I went over his report card in detail and reviewed a couple places where he could improve next year.  We talked about how it's good to look at each subject as well other areas (how to be a self-directed learner, a community contributor, a complex thinker, an effective communicator, etc.) and how they progressed over each quarter.  "You want to see an improvement," I explained to him. 

Then we looked at his yearbook and he pointed out every single person he knew to me, including staff and faculty in his 700 student school.  I realized then, he knows a lot of people.  This is his world.

A few days ago I met his teacher next year so I pointed her photo out to him in the yearbook.  Later that night he said, "I'm gonna have a good year in fourth grade.  My teacher looks really nice and sweet.  She is kinda young.  I like that."      

Before bedtime I put two bandaids on cuts he his arms.  I was tired, by then, but I purposefully did it tenderly and patiently anyway.  He was so appreciative.  "Mom you always take good care of us," he said.  A few minutes later he said to me, very sincerely and rather seriously, "You know Mom, I've been thinking.  This summer I am going to work on being respectful.  I am going to be the most respectful boy I can be.  I'm just gonna do it, be a totally respectful boy to my family."

I thought to myself, wow.  He has completed third grade.  Time to celebrate him.  Because sometimes we fail to see the growth of our children when we are with them day in and day out.  But it is happening.  On so many levels.

corner view~mother

She seemed natural for her destiny at a young age.

 Mom with baby me and my brother

Nancy, from the Hebrew language, means grace.

When I was a little girl, for me, my mother was a glimpse of joy.  I thought she was a real live beauty queen.  She was elected sweetheart of a college fraternity and was pictured riding on top of a car in a small parade.  I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, all elegant and poised, her smile so delicate, white pearls circling her neck.  I stared at that picture many times, hanging on our wall.  

Our first love is that of a mother.  There are some mothers who embody grace and class and kindness.  They put others at ease.  People come to them when they need support, a smile, a hug.  These mothers always know what to say, even when a thirteen-year-old boy has broken their newly teenaged daughter's heart, or their bald, teary, cancer-stricken friend has just vented for a half hour.  They bake for the widower neighbor, the recluse guy who never talks to anyone, just because.  They utter daily prayers, mostly for other people.  They take the time to make things beautiful in their home, so when you visit, each room is tidy, comfortable, blessed with fragrant lilacs and soft buttercups.  These mothers make things from scratch with no effort at all, and they only eat pie when everyone else has been served.  They remind you to enjoy your life when you forget and get stressed.  They store your things in their basement for years until you decide what to do with them.  And their door is always open to their children, even when they are grown, and living thousands of miles from home. 

These types of mothers have inexhaustible hearts.

These types of mothers are perfect grandmothers.

These types of mothers are the best kind of mothers to have.

I am so lucky that God blessed me with a mother like this.  I love you Mom.  Happy Mother's Day!