Bless me father for I have sinned

Steve at No More Mister Nice Blog takes another look at the Pope's "endorsement" of Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ:

The Vatican makes it official -- Peggy Noonan is a liar[.]

It's enough to make us consider going to church again.

Make our dreams come true!

We, along with a bunch of much better blogs, have been nominated for Best New Blog in this year's Koufax Awards.

We'll be voting for the truly deserving, freeing you to vote for us.

Thank you.

Your instinct or your ass?

Andrew Sullivan opines:

I should have trusted my instinct: Al Gore is always political death.

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. (born 1948:)

1976: Elected to the US House of Representatives (95% of the vote)
1978: Re-elected (ran unopposed)
1980: Re-elected (79% of the vote)
1982: Re-elected (ran unopposed)
1984: Elected to the US Senate (61% of the vote)
1990: Re-elected to the US Senate (70% of the vote, won all 95 counties)
1992: Elected US Vice-President
1996: Re-elected US Vice-President
2000: Ran for the US Presidency -- Results:

Candidate	Votes	Vote %	States Won	Electoral Votes
Gore	50,996,116	48.38 %	21	266
Bush	50,456,169	47.87 %	30	271

Yeah, what a fucking loo-zer that Al Gore is.

Update: Jo Fish, who offered his thoughts on the matter here, adds this in the comments:

Rush speaks for the party that is against class warfare and for the little man

Rush Limbaugh, January 19, 2004:

In order to raise money, John F-ing Kerry is mortgaging his Renoirs. I think it's a brilliant strategy for Senator Kerry to show how he’s in touch and understands the plight of the common man.

Rush Limbaugh, December 19, 2003:

I haven't been to the grocery store in a long time. I have staff that does that for me.

Are there any real patriots in the house?

Adam Yoshida has your mission:

Real patriots need to start smearing these [Kerry & Edwards] left-wing douchebags before the media gets a chance to begin playing up their "good" qualities.

Go!

Looks like that was a good decision

We saw but could not bring ourselves to read Sullivan's latest Sunday Times of London column. As always, the indefatigable SullyWatch cuts through the crap and notices that once said crap is removed, all you've got left is newspaper ink on your fingers:

Finally, after seven grafs of this, his stunning conclusion is that ... he has no idea what this means. In better days, a pencil-chomping editor would have chewed him out and sent him back to his typewriter to write a real column, one that, you know, has an actual point other than to satisfy the minimum requirements of his contract.

Step away from the keyboard and no one gets hurt

Adam "Gonzo" Yoshida has another brilliant idea:

We [sic] must declare it openly that it is totally unacceptable that any power other than the United States be a superpower. [...] We must know that it is worth dying, and killing, to prevent the Chinese ascent. The rise of China to leader of the world would mean the probable end of Western Civilization and, certainly, the end of human progress as we have known it.

So what's a Canadian boy to do you wonder? It's as easy as Now-Medication-Free:

extensive aid should be given to pro-democracy activists in Hong Kong, including money and, possibly, weapons to more radical groups. [...]

Third, extensive aid should be supplied to the followers of Falun Gong. Again, I have no great love for the followers of this ‘religion’, there’s a group of them who line up every morning in the park I walk thought and, quite frankly, I think that they’re little more than another weirdo pseudo-cult. However, they are clearly a powerful force within China itself and aid to them is bound to increase social disorder and alienation from the government.

Fourth, China’s large and growing Christian population should be funded and encouraged to geographically concentrate in areas of potential future value, especially those accessible from the coasts. [...]

Fifth, extremely covert efforts should be made, through the use of agents placed within Islamist groups, to direct some of the fury of Islam against China.

This last idea is our favorite, because if there's one group of people out there who are just totally keen on helping the US maintain its status as the world's sole superpower, it is Islamic terrorists. What do you say guys? Finally, a word from our sponsor:

American power is, and must be, eternal. We cannot lose it unless we lack the resolve to keep it. It is America, and only America, that can lead humanity into the stars and its next stage of evolution. It is only America that can carry forward those great traditions of the West, our peculiar heritage, onto eternity.

This haiku, poster by a visitor to Adam's blog, is worth reproducing here:

In Yoshida's world
like a great big game of Risk
I call blue pieces

Showing once again that Adam is a younger, Canadian version of Steven "Stratego" Den Beste.

Can your toilet do this?

Because if it can't, it's time to go to the ANA Gate Tower Hotel Osaka:

Rooms include a Washlet® (an electronic toilet seat with built in nozzle that sprays a stream of water for personal cleaning), trouser presser and safety deposit box. [Emphasis added]

Update: Commentor forked tongue points out that World O'Crap has discovered someone whose toilet has a most unique feature.

How many aid workers have you killed today?

We've offered Afghanistan News Roundups in the past (December and November to be exact.) It's a new month and a new year -- so how are things now?

Does anyone need a drink?

EP Verdi, frequent Sadly, No! commentor and lover of all things Amber, emails to suggest a State of the Union Drinking Game. (Should you think this is a disturbing idea, keep in mind that his her last email to us bore the subject Amber Pawlik, bag buster, so this is a big improvement.)

To get things started he she proposes shooting back a shot of Remy [is EP the ladies' man?!?]:

every time Saddam is mentioned with no mention of WMDs

every time 9/11 is mentioned with no mention of Osama.

We would add a shot of Jagermeister:

every time Bush claims we can grow our way out of the deficits.

For every proposal that is labeled "market based."

In addition, at every mention of the word "compassionate" the last person to stand up must drink a shot of tequila.

As is always the case when we offer posts like this, readers are invited to add their own ideas in comments.

This post is dedicated to posting even after you've completely run out of ideas.

Can Amber come out and play?

From multiple Koufax awards nominee, Sadly, No! Enterprises Slave, and Subliminal Cinema Expert World O'Crap comes the news we had (all) been waiting for: our precious has returned:

[Sadly, No!'s] dream girl, Amber, is back at Men's News Daily (sure, she said that they were misogynists and meanies and she would never have anything to do with them again, but apparently it was just one of those lover's spats that end in wild passion and a renewed dedication to feminism bashing).

Not only is she back, but she's discussing vaginas. We can't lie to you good people, and must admit that we were pretty excited. Sadly, Amber's latest oeuvre turns out to be mostly recycled crap about The Vagina Monologues, a play that as TBOGG put it when he wrote about Amber's earlier thoughts on the matter has caused Amber to have "problems getting dates." Would Amber let us down completely however? Happily, no! And so it begins:

sexually perverse plays targeted at young (read: impressionable) college females

Yes, how does that saying go again? Oh, now we remember: Casserole, Bouilloire, Noir? No. Topf, Kessel, Schwarz? No, not that either. Ah yes: Pot, Kettle, Black.

Let’s discuss what effect this play might have on your fifteen year-old daughter. Not only will she potentially watch this play; she might even star in it!

How awful! And now, the punchline:

First of all, a bunch of women sitting around discussing vaginas for extended periods of time is pure, utter lesbianism.

Although David Kupelian let us down yesterday, Amber comes to the rescue! Confusion reigns however. In the past, Amber has written that women who enjoy too much cock (not her certainly, but other women) are likely to become lesbians. So if too much cock is pure, utter lesbianism, and too much vagina is pure, utter lesbianism -- what does that leave for straight women?

Fifteen year-old girls should be blushing when around boys. Any talk of sex, even the simplest thing like holding a girl’s hand, should bring a rush of embarrassment, titillation, and excitement.

The same holds, of course, for graduates of Penn State University.

Many young women come up to me and tell me they’re confused about their sexuality.

So Amber, how many sisters do you have?

heterosexual women will still be repulsed by the idea of engaging in lesbian sex acts with another woman.

Which is why Amber only engages in lesbian sex acts with men.

In a way really this whole 'vagina issue' of Amber is ironic -- while Amber seems to hate hers, her role model can only dream of having been born with one. And that's the most ridiculous item of the day.

And now, a song:

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis.
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong.
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick.

Thank you.

New home, same old Happy Furry Puppy Story Time

Norbizness, the Caption King, has (at last!) left blogspot and moved on to even happier and furrier times at norbizness.com, brought to you by Movable Type.

Go say hello.

Damn you AOL!

No day is complete here at S,N!E® (Sadly, No! Enterprises) without World O'Crap's TownHall summary. The amount of time we've saved as a result has been most useful, as the multiple posts about Ayn Randian Princess Amber Pawlik have shown. Today however we read that:

"Mini" because stupid AOL crashed when I had the full review almost done but not saved, and I only had enough willpower to redo this much of it.

Now -- there are only two columns missing. One, however, is by Jeff Jacoby, a personal favorite of S,N!E®. What did Jeff have to say?

I wish homosexual stopped whining about not wanting to marry people of the opposite sex like they used to in the good old days.

But of course gay people have always had exactly the same option. They are free to marry someone of the opposite sex, and throughout history, countless homosexuals have done exactly that. Nevertheless, Sullivan claims, for gays and lesbians, opposite-sex marriage "is no meaningful option at all."

And now, a song:

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Thank you.

Is that even legal?

A week late, we notice that we've somehow been nominated for Best Writing in the Koufax Awards. We write somehow because we think it should be pretty obvious that there are no native English speakers on the staff of Sadly, No! Enterprises. Voting for us is almost like voting for France.

Now that we've provided you with a reason to vote for us, please do so.

Disappointment turns to shock

Always on the lookout for threats to Western civilization, we reported yesterday on WorldNetDaily's David Kupelian's shocking exposé about his homosexual tendencies, his son's homo-erotic journey, the satanic plot to turn today's young people into corporate sexual slaves. [This may not be the best summary available, please ask your pharmacist about potential side effects.]

Perhaps it was wishful thinking on our part, but we had expected Mr. Kupelian to bring up lesbian kissing in part 2, published today. Sadly, No! As s.z. from World O'Crap reveals here, things are both better and worse. Or worse and worse really. So what is really behind this Sodom-and-Gomorrah scene? [Were we not supposed to laugh at that by the way?] Kupelian has the answers!

Remember in the classic, biblical epic films of the 1950s, how Sodom and Gomorrah were portrayed? Drunken men with multiple piercings and bright red robes, with one loose woman under each arm, cavorting in orgiastic revelry against a background of annoying, mosquito-like music?

Biblical films of the 1950s?!? Isn't Kupelian writing about George W. Bush's college years? As for us, if we had a nickel for every time we've been caught in orgiastic revelry, well, let's just say the US national debt problem would be solved and we would have enough left over to cover Andrew Sullivan's operating costs.

Now put them together and what do you get?

Last month, Andrew Sullivan found himself quite concerned about the spending numbers President Bush had offered to the New York Times. Our man in P-Town had noticed that every study of government spending increase during Bush's presidency finds said increases to have been much higher than what Bush claimed. His reaction?

Note that these studies are from groups favorably disposed to the administration. There are a few options here. Either I've missed something or the president a) doesn't know what he's talking about or b) he's lying. Let's hope I've missed something, shall we?

Yesterday, Andrew eliminated one option:

Here's the truth: If you take defense and entitlement spending out of the picture altogether (and they have, of course, gone through the roof), Bush and the Republican Congress have upped domestic spending by a whopping 21 percent in three years. That compares with an actual decrease in such spending of 0.7 percent in the first three years of Bill Clinton. Spending on education is up 61 percent; on energy 22 percent; on health and human services 22 percent; on the Labor Department a massive 56 percent. There really is no spinning of this. Bill Clinton was a fiscal conservative. George W. Bush is a fiscal liberal of a kind we haven't seen since LBJ.

In order to avoid having to call Bush a liar however, Sullivan is responding to a quote by Rick Santorum above. Yet Santorum isn't saying anything that differs from what Bush & Cheney have said. (The latter told Tim Russert in August that he was a fiscal conservative too!) For extra bonus points, notice Andrew say that Democrats might be worse, right before bringing up a study that found Democratic legislatures to increase spending less than Republican ones at the state level.

Anyhoo, since Andrew no longer thinks he missed something, can we get him to tell us whether Bush is a) a liar or b) clueless. (We'd go with a little bit of column a, a little bit of column b ourselves.)

This should be good.

We order you to feel safe

Don't let crap like this bother you, please:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- U.S. and Canadian military aircraft have scrambled nearly 1,700 times to intercept or divert suspicious aircraft since September 11, but routine drills illustrate how terrorists could penetrate the airspace around the nation's capital. [Emphasis added]

Look over here -- we're going to Mars!

Officials said the exercises conducted in early- and mid-December are the latest to show that the best prevention against another terror tragedy in the skies is thorough pre-emptive intelligence and screening, not a last-minute intercept or shootdown of a hijacked commercial airliner. [Emphasis added]

Thank you officials! Come fly the friendly skies everybody!

Never mind the pandas of mass destruction

This is way more important! David Kupelian wants everyone to know that not only is he not gay, his son Joshua isn't going to become a homosexual either. (Hey, at least he didn't name his son Paris.) But first, a WorldNetDaily disclaimer:

Editor's note: This is the first part of a groundbreaking, two-part series on today's youth culture, by WND Vice President and Managing Editor David Kupelian. It is a frank and in-depth exploration of an often-shocking subject, and may not be suitable reading for children. Parental discretion is advised.

Kids out of the room? On with the show! David writes:

my mind wanders back a few years to a time when my son wanted to wear a different "uniform." ...

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

One little thing, though. Mark wore a choker around his neck. Of course, Joshua had always regarded necklaces, bracelets, earrings and the like as strictly girls' stuff, and wouldn't dream of donning such gear himself and "looking like a girl" (or a "weirdo").

Of course he hadn't! What kind of a weirdo would ever want to do that??? I mean, my 12-year old son is no lover of cock, who do you take him for?!? [Cue Frederick.]

I took him for a walk out on the jetty where we could be alone. ... The trance was broken. Realization set in. He cried briefly, gave me a hug, and assured me manfully he did not want to look like a girl and wear a necklace.

Later, my son and I took turns at manfully ordering the wife around the house, too lazy to go to the fridge to get a can of Milwaukee's Best. [How does a 12-year old assure his father "manfully" anyway? Did he kick him in the balls while saying it?]

in this case it's an allegiance to an increasingly defiant musical, social, sexual and cultural world, a mysterious (to parents) realm that seems magically to be drawing millions of children into it.

So far, David hasn't mentioned lesbian kissing -- and that is a big disappointment.

For three years, journalist Patricia Hersch journeyed into this exotic subculture. She observed, listened to, questioned, bonded with, and won the trust of eight teens in the typical American town of Reston, Va., ultimately producing her acclaimed portrait...

n=8. What else you got?

"Kids are invited to participate in sexual contests on stage or are followed by MTV cameras through their week of debauchery,"

At last -- lesbians are coming, we can feel it.

Not quite. To be sure, millions of youths are in the grip of something destructive, but the corporate aspect is just the visible part. Behind both the corporate manipulators and the youths caught in their selfish and shameful influence lurks another, much more formidable and all-pervasive "marketing campaign" – a malevolent dimension that has no one's best interests at heart, and which is programmed to devour all in its path, from the highest to the lowest.

That "something," which we shall unmask tomorrow in Part 2, is literally intent on degrading this generation so totally that little hope would be left for the next generations of Americans.

Tomorrow!?! But we want to know now! You heard the man boys and girls -- come back tomorrow. And hold on to your tuques.

[Added a link, changed the title.]

Better call them little red men from now on

Steve at No More Mister Nice Blog brings you the latest news on UFO activities, as seen through the eyes of Charles "Chuck" Colson:

Ross is convinced that the so-called UFOs are actually evidence of demonic activity.

We regret to say that there is more...

ET phone satan.

The besides that syndrome returns!

Last month, we wrote about a new disease going around, calling it the besides that syndrome. We had hoped that the illness had run its course, but we are saddened to see that Max Boot is the latest victim of this horrific predicament. See Max show advanced signs of infection here: Q&A;: Neocon power examined

Besides the fact that we managed to convince the Bush administration to launch a $200bn war that's killed hundreds and injured thousands of coalition soldiers, neocons really aren't that influential in Washington.

Ah, poor Max...

(8) Get well, get well soon (8)
(8) We hope that you get well (8)

Based on your answers, you are most likely a neoconservative

Happy days are here again! Minutes seconds of entertainment await if you click on the link and decide to take the Christian Science Monitor's quiz Are you a "neocon"?

This may be the greatest quiz ever, and it's amazingly easy to figure out how you too can be a neocon (or, as David Brooks likes to joke, a Jew.) Typical questions look like this:

Q. What do you think should have been the US response after September 11?

1. Hide under the bed and cry for mommy.

2. The World Trade Center towers needed major repairs anyway -- it's just a bummer about all those dead people.

3. Ask the government of Iran if it knows who did it.

4. The only problem with the Bush administration's policy is that he waited so long before attacking Iraq and tried to get support from the traitorous French.

So take the quiz -- you might learn a thing or two. Well, maybe not.

Emails, we get emails

Not too long ago, we had emailed World O'Crap's best friend (Bill O'Reilly,) to ask why Bill was lying about his book having sold more copies than Hillary Rodham Clinton's. Imagine our surprise when we saw an email from "BillOReilly.com Customer Service" in our inbox this morning:

We are following up with you to ensure that your customer service inquires that you had contacted us with in the past have been resolved. There was an error with our system and some of our Customer Service emails have gone unanswered. If you still have an outstanding issue with us, please reply to this e mail so we may help resolve your problem.

We apologize for any inconvenience that this might have caused you and thank
you for being a apart of our community.

What can we say, besides "you're welcome?"

Livin La Vida Pawlik

The last few days, we must concede, have been very difficult here at Sadly, No! International. It's not because we were in the hospital. (The hospital! What is it?) And it's not because Ayn Randian Princess Amber Pawlik never replied to our email. If only she kept writing something, Amber's email silence would be tolerable. Sadly, the Amber Canon® has not grown of late, and we find ourselves adrift. There's just no denying that Amber's absence leaves a void -- and we have to fill that void.

But how will you do it you ask? Well, we had to think about it for a while. Fortunately, we soon came to see how one could lead his (or her, this brilliant plan does not discriminate on the basis of sex!) entire life the Pawlik way. Hence we offer Livin La Vida Pawlik:

And so begins our new life -- we feel better already!

Our most recent deficit will help purify your water and kill nasty bacteria

Steve at No More Mister Nice Blog reports on the latest proposal coming from the White House:

Under a new proposal, the White House would decide what and when the public would be told about an outbreak of mad cow disease, an anthrax release, a nuclear plant accident or any other crisis.

The White House Office of Management and Budget is trying to gain final control over release of emergency declarations from the federal agencies responsible for public health, safety and the environment....

The Office of Management and fucking Budget -- this place. Its mission?

OMB's predominant mission is to assist the President in overseeing the preparation of the federal budget and to supervise its administration in Executive Branch agencies. In helping to formulate the President's spending plans, OMB evaluates the effectiveness of agency programs, policies, and procedures, assesses competing funding demands among agencies, and sets funding priorities. OMB ensures that agency reports, rules, testimony, and proposed legislation are consistent with the President's Budget and with Administration policies.

In addition, OMB oversees and coordinates the Administration's procurement, financial management, information, and regulatory policies. In each of these areas, OMB's role is to help improve administrative management, to develop better performance measures and coordinating mechanisms, and to reduce any unnecessary burdens on the public.

Explain the logic underlying this proposal, please.

How many kinds of professors are there?

Yesterday's NYT article on Judith Steinberg Dean quotes one Myra Gutin from Rider University:

In her book, "The President's Partner: The First Lady in the 20th Century," Ms. Gutin outlined three broad categories: "ceremonial" (Bess Truman, Mamie Eisenhower), whose White House role was mainly entertaining; "emerging spokeswoman" (Jacqueline Kennedy, Pat Nixon), who seized the podium to promote issues important to them; and "activist" (Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford). Dr. Steinberg, she said, fits nowhere.

In our blog (Sadly, No!) we outline three broad categories of professors: those who research important things few people care about, those who research pointless things a lot of people care about, and those who research pointless things of no interest to anyone. Dr. Gutin, who is busy writing a biography of Barbara Bush, fits in the third.

Life at Sadly, No! Headquarters

For several years now (since 1997, if you're keeping score at home) the mean people of Sadly, No! have lived outside of their "natural habitat" (Canada,) first in the US and now in Germany. One of the, uh, pleasures of living abroad is having people make a mockery of your name on a regular basis. Having been blessed baptized with a very long (and very French) name, the entertainment never stops. But our neighbor's name is, to a German at least, even worse on the comedy mispronunciation potential scale. And so it was recently that we were at the front door accepting two packages, one for us and one for our neighbor:

Delivery Person: "I have a package for Sadly, No! and [pause] unpronounceable."
Sadly, No!: "Ha ha."
Husband of neighbor with unpronounceable name who happened to be standing behind us: "I'll take the second package."
Sadly, No!: "Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you!" [walks away very quickly.]

It is a glamorous life we lead.

This post is dedicated to the smart crossblade, the official pretend car of Sadly, No!

No matter how low you've sunk, you can always keep digging

The Wall Street Journal offers this dead horse for your consideration today:

There is also his--let's be kind--mercurial temperament. Mr. Dean often shoots from the lip, a habit his supporters find refreshing but that will make him vulnerable during the crucible of a campaign. To take just one example: In the wake of Saddam Hussein's capture, Mr. Dean declared we were no safer because of it. This was bad enough as a gaffe, but he has stuck by the point, like Mike Dukakis on furloughs for felons, suggesting an obstinate disregard for the judgment of most Americans.

This has been noted so many times by so many people it's hard sadly all too easy to believe the WSJ is pulling this bunny dead horse out of its hat ass:

Newsweek: "A majority (51 percent) of Americans say Hussein's capture hasn't made them safer or more secure (41 percent say it has)..."

CBS: "AFTER SADDAM'S CAPTURE, THE TERROR THREAT IS…?
Increased: 17%; Still the same: 61%; Decreased: 18%."

Have you no shame sirs? No shame at all? (Our December post on this here, Atrios' there.)

Who else can come up with more useful aspects?

K-Lo, everybody's favorite, uh, something, shows she has difficulties telling the distinction between fiction and documentary (don't let her anywhere near Dennis Prager's articles!) in Tuesday's edition of The Corner:

I've actually thought more than once that one of the useful aspects of West Wing is to show how influential a political wife can be (i.e. not always for the good)--Bartlett’s is quite the activist when it comes to her issues, sometimes making him more radical than he would have been.

Yes -- there's nothing like drawing real life lessons from TV drama. After all, if you can't rely on the tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, body-piercing, Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show, Hollywood elite liberals who are said to bring us most of our TV programs, there is no hope for any of us. And so encouraged by K-Lo, we offer:

As always, readers are invited to submit their own most useful aspects in the comments.

Shorter John Derbyshire on Japan

See several posts from The Corner yesterday (1, 2, 3 and 4.):

Although all empirical evidence contradicts my assertion, there exists a large body of anecdotal evidence that gives the illusion I was kind of right after all.

PS: The Derb quote that started it all:

Japan is doing pretty nicely: "Real GDP grew by an estimated 2.6% in 2003..." Not bad for a nation that's supposed to be on the ropes.

Our earlier post is below (or here.)

I'm not a racist, the Europeans are!

Jonah Goldberg goes for the 2004 Ann Elk Award (oh oh, we are sounding like Andrew Sullivan with this award crap.)

I might remind folks of the column I wrote on how immigration fights socialism. column I wrote on how immigration fights socialism. My basic point is that economic redistribution rankles when the benefits go to another tribe. If you keep the redistribution among your own kind, you are likely to have a higher tolerance for it. This is one reason why the nations of Europe tolerated huge social safety nets for so long and are now talking about unravelling them as their societies become more diverse and, hence, their incomes start going to Arabs and North Africans. Just a theory I have.

And it's his, this theory, and what it is too.

PS to Jonah: Get a fucking spell checker already.
PPS: Learn how to code HTML.
PPPS: We're quite sure the deficits are not to blame for European discussions about cutting social safety nets.

Coming up next on cnnfn.com, the alternate universe edition

John Derbyshire thinks we need not look at the specifics -- and no wonder:

I would not make too much of the Japan example I raised. Tamar Jacoby asserted that you can't have any growth without a growing labor force. I provided a clear counterexample to refute that particular point. ...

I am aware of all the bad news about Japan these past few years. I have not been there myself for some time, but acquaintances who know the country tell me things are fine, and people have plenty of money in their pockets. ...

You can't get analysis like that anywhere on the internet -- anywhere, that is, besides in the corner. It reminds us of Neal Cavuto's forecast for stupendous consumer spending this past holiday season based on his friend's Tom's need to make it up to his wife for sleeping with his secretary. (Or something like that -- and yes, we stole that joke from s.z. at World O'Crap.)

So how are things in Japan? According to the World Bank, from 1998 to 2002 Japan's economy "grew" by -1.10, 0.67, 2.36, -0.58, and -0.70 percent. People may very well have money in their pockets but the Japanese economy has been stuck in neutral for a long time now. Things improved in 2003 -- but not after a dozen years of stagnation. Singling out Japan's economic performance to support your case is akin to arguing that there are no more desirable men out there because Amber Pawlik is having problems getting a date. (Even though she loves cock -- Frederick, this one's for you.) And whether Derb has been to Japan recently or not is so besides the point -- as though one can get an accurate sense of a country's economic performance by walking around.

Why do we get the impression this is the sign posted on the door that leads to The Corner?

Shorter Justin Lahart

The bounce is over

If you only look at those stocks that have gone up since 2000, it turns out the stock market has done exceptionally well.

Shorter concept inspired by busy, busy, busy from an idea by D-Squared.

Do you have any other examples?

Dennis Prager explains the extremely high standards of his radio show:

Furthermore, I have particularly high standards to protect the dignity of public figures. For example, I may have been the only talk show host who never allowed a Monica Lewinsky joke to be broadcast on my show.

Along similar lines:

Sadly, No!: "We have particularly high standards to protect the dignity of John Derbyshire. For example, we may have been the only blog that allowed nothing else besides pornographic stick figures jokes."

Bonus points: Prager refers to Jonah Goldberg as an "astute observer of contemporary life."

Let this be your mealtime warning

(Until now) distinguished Sadly, No! commentor Frederick manages to post not one but two comments that combine the words "cock" and "Amber," in a sure sign that the end of the world is just around the corner. (You can see the comments here and there. Consider yourself warned.)

Proving however that one can cause bouts of vomiting and inform at the same time, he also points out that Amber has decided to devote her life to people of Iran. Amber writes:

It's appropriate that this website, a college website, is being dedicated to freeing the Iranian people. The resistance to the thug Ayatollah government in Iran comes predominantly from the students in Iran, and we, as American college students, should support them in their desire for freedom and prosperity.

We could mock this enthusiasm of the Ayn Randian Princess, and yet we must concede that our first reaction was: good for you dear! It's just like Andrew Sullivan said: "The Revolution will be blogged." But then our eye caught this little nugget, in small print at the top of her site:

Well, it's about time I took down my website. It will be taken down any week now anyway. I know many of you have enjoyed my articles. I'm taking them down, mostly, because I plan on using some of them to make money off of. [Emphasis added]

Make money off of? Taking them down? The first plan made us laugh, the second one us made us cry. (And click on our shortcut for HTTrack, but that's another story.) So it was that we began to wonder, just what devious plans Amber has in order to make money, and which of her many articles will she use in order to do so? We don't know -- but we promise that we're going to find out.

As we were saying...

Assuming you noticed we have been silent since Thursday, and for those interested in such things, emergency medical care took the people of Sadly, No! to the local hospital and away from our beloved internet connection. Sadly, even using our best German to explain that Amber needed us could not convince the staff to provide us with a computer. (And no, we do not believe we mistakenly used the verbs to paint or caress this time around.) All is well now, and we expect to return to our usual mocking of all that is objectivist (and more) by tomorrow.

Thank you for your support.®

Help, help, I'm being repressed!

The Bush twins think they have it pretty tough:

The book recalls the twins' run-ins with the law in underage drinking incidents. The girls regard their Secret Service agents as "their chauffeurs, bellhops and valets," the book says. It says "they persist in seeing themselves as victims of daddy's job."

In related news, Jenna and Barbara cry themselves to sleep every night, muttering "It's not easy being me" over and over.

Link via TBOGG.

It's tooneyrrific we tell you

2004 is here (did you notice?) and we're happy to note the return to active duty of Sadly, No! friend The Tooney Bin. His return is especially fitting as the "to clarify" jokes in the post below were inspired in part by his October post on blog disclosures.

Yeah, we were really wondering about that one

Showing that he either can't take a joke or that his readers are even dumber than he is, Andrew Sullivan posts the following "clarification" today:

To clarify: I didn't say I'd support Dean over Bush or that I agreed with everything Dean has said.

Along those lines, let us offer additional clarifications for those DailyDish readers evidently too obtuse to understand the instructions on a bottle of ketchup:

George Bush: To clarify: gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.
Donald Luskin: To clarify: I masturbate to Paul Krugman's vacation pictures.
Ben Shapiro: To clarify: I'm a virgin now.
Kyle Williams: To clarify: I will always be a virgin.
Meghan Cox Gurdon: To clarify: I named my son Paris Cox because I don't love him and only wanted girls.
Thomas Sowell: To clarify: my kidneys aren't for sale but I have enough money to buy every kidney in America. And if it weren't for the nanny state, I would.

Readers are invited to submit their own (though hopefully funnier) "clarifications" in the comments.

Now throw your hands up in the air...

...and wave them around like World O'Crap's invaluable TownHall summary is back. And she has managed to resuscitate Pat Boone!

What were they thinking?

Last month, we wrote about the Koufax awards, which are given to the best blogs in several categories. Fortunately for us, voting allows you, our readers, to stuff the ballot box, hence making it at least theoretically possible that Sadly, No!, and not the best, will win.

It appears that so far we've been nominated for best blog, with more to come. (Then again, that may just be the barbiturates typing.)

So, go out there (here that is) and do what you have to do.

Shorter Heritage Foundation Study on Poverty

Understanding Poverty in America

You're not really poor unless you're starving, naked, or homeless.

Heritage link from Pandagon.