North . . Dogma

It’s real….CBS said so!

Anyway, the what’s included is accurate even if it’s not authentic.

It’s crude.
It’s amateurish.
It’s fuzzy.
There’s background noise because I spent almost no time putting it together.
But, it made my wife laugh when I played it for her and it’s different than the usual “here’s my opinion/here’s what so-and-so is saying/they suck” entry.

So, I present the first NGD nuzbyte. Please right click & save to listen (mp3 format).

I re-emphasize the amateur part, folks.

Audio file is rated PG-13.

And it was none other than one Juan Epstein.

Authorities became suspicious when all of Jerry Killian’s memos were signed by Epstein’s mother...

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress.

Michael, my only suggestion is: Gotta have more Cowbell.

Yes, this will go over the heads of about 80% of the readers, but I’m laughing on the inside.

Another celebrity lets down her fans.

I surely didn’t know that Michael Moore had a blog:

From Court visiting Jay’s place:

Is this month going to be ‘not enough jobs’ or ‘not good enough jobs’?

I’ve got 5 on ‘not good enough’.

This has so many things wrong with it, I don’t know where to start…

‘Weird Al’ Mobbed by Unwanted Fans

DU QUOIN, Ill. – Things got hairy for parody singer “Weird Al” Yankovic as a flock of unwanted fans rushed on stage during his performance at a state fair in southern Illinois.

First off, here’s a tip from your buddy Jay: If you’re playing a state fair in Northern Illinois, you should be grateful for fans of any stripe.

Secondly, ‘Weird Al’ is “mobbed”? Isn’t that just the most unlikely sentence you could ever think of?

Lastly, wouldn’t ‘Weird Al’ having unwanted fans kinda be like a drowning man have an unwanted life preserver?

Then again, I’ve been turned off from ‘Weird Al’ ever since he lost the dorky black glasses, Hawaiian shirts, and frizzy ‘fro, so…

Indians deal Yankees largest loss ever

It wasn’t just a rout, it was an epic defeat, the most one-sided in the 101-year history of the New York Yankees. Cleveland’s 22-0 victory Tuesday night matched the biggest post-1900 shutout margin in the major leagues, Pittsburgh’s win at the Chicago Cubs on Sept. 16, 1975.

The freakin’ Cleveland Indians.

Twenty-freakin’-two to NOTHING.

Nada.

Zilch.

Zero.

Bupkiss.

Naught.

Nil.

All this long-suffering BoSox fan has to say is: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

“If I were team USA coach instead of Larry Brown, you wouldn’t see all these missed shots because I would have the team make the baskets.”

Sir, how would you cause the players to make their baskets any easier than Larry Brown’s offensive plays?”
“Because I would have assembled a better team of our allied players who would do the job in a much better fashion.”

“Sir, Shaquille O’neal, Allan Houston, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, etc., all refused to join the team, even after repeated requests. What makes your presence alone preclude that those people would suddenly change their minds?”
“Because I wouldn’t approach them in such an arrogant manner, turning away our long-time friends with talent.”

“Sir, Larry Brown and Team USA tried everything to get those players to join…...nothing would change their minds. Again, how would YOU get them to join?”
Because I know what it’s like to carry an M-16 in the jungles of…...

“Cripes, there he goes again...Sir, knowing what we know now, that the listed players wouldn’t attend the games, that Puerto Rico would have such fantastic team speed, that Lithuania would be so adept with the outside shots, what would you do differently than coach Brown?”
“I would institute a more cohesive plan, with our allied players…”

“Sir, they weren’t going to travel with the team to Athens no matter what…..that aside, what SPECIFICALLY would you do that would make the players shoot better than coach Brown? What is that cohesive plan?”
“My plan, as I’ve said all along, would not turn off the rest of the world, which rallied to our side after the ‘88 Silver medal and that support which, by the way, has been lost by coach Brown’s reckless and irresponsible play-calling which….”

“Sir, that’s just it, what could YOU do that would cause the players’ shots to go into the basket?”
“I have with me a band of brothers….”

“Sir, that’s fine, but that band of brothers won’t help get the task accomplished. The team that’s here is the best team available because all the NBA players who can actually shoot refused to join in. That’s a fact & that can’t be changed. Once more, how would YOU make the team better able to convert their field goal attempts? You couldn’t even throw a baseball from inside the pitcher’s mound to the plate before a Red Sox game….it bounced before it could get there.”
“That’s a lie. That’s a smear. That’s part of the slime that the Brown team is behind and I call for them to stop, immediately.”

“Sir, it’s me, asking you these questions, not coach Brown. And I’ll note that you haven’t answered several of them, especially the one that gives some sort of detailed plan that would cause the team to pay better. Saying that you’ll do it ‘differently’ isn’t exactly an answer.”
“I call on you to stop this smear campaign and I’m sending over Christopher Reeve to deliver you a letter demanding that you either put up or shut up. I remember this sort of behavior back in Vietnam, you know.”

Coming to your inbox soon.

Here are plenty anti-Kerry vids to peruse for your enjoyment. For the lefties out there, here is Will Ferrell’s anti-Bush spoof (I understand his latest movie blows, but it’s a gas when he does Dubya).

Ezra notes the makeup:

The Party is also proudly multicultural tonight. Aging white guy done? Hustle on a black woman! Richardson taking up too much time? Quick, somebody get me an Asian! Tokenism, though, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A rainbow of unabashed Democrats? I like that face on my Party.

As I commented, it’s fairly easy to “look” however one wishes when there are quotas (called “goals”) instituted for delegates. They don’t like to talk about the practice all that much, but they’ve done that for years. Which is fine….their party, they can do how they wish.

However, every patriotic citizen knows that the only way to choose delegates is the Republican way: checking out who donates the most. God bless America!

From Bernard McGirk (Imus show) on the CNN staff covering the convention:

They’re serving both as reporters and as delegates.

Top ten excuses Sandy Berger can use to explain why he stole sensitive gov’t data from the national archives:

1. There’s no controlling legal authority over such matters. (the Gore defense, pt. I)


2. I drank a lot of iced tea & couldn’t make it to the rest room, so the papers were serving as an absorbent. (the Gore defense, pt. II)


3. I don’t recall. (overall gov’t defense)


4. Depends on the definition of ____ (Clinton defense, pt. I)


5. Hey, some GOP staffers "stole" files from open servers housing Democratic data…..now there’s a scandal! (Blame the GOP/Diversion defense)


6. Halliburton! (Kneejerk response to anything defense)


7. This is really being pushed by Fox. (We only dominate 90% of the media defense)


8. [Opening pants] I got your lockbox right here, pal. (Gore defense, pt. III)


9. Yeah, but they leaked the news of my illegalities at an opportune time, so focus on THEM! (the blind partisan talking points defense, carried out dutifully by Josh Marshall and Dan Rather—-
   what are the odds?)


10. Come on, Cynthia McKinney going back to congress has got to be a bigger travesty (actually, that one’s legit)