Is it February yet?

How do you keep yourself sane when everyone around you is losing their minds?

Our big case is going to trial in 2 weeks. I have literally 20 briefs to write this week. In my free time, I have to manage a team of 7 people to take sure that they're all doing what they need to be doing, at the standard of near perfection, and keep my boss from committing homicide every time anyone dares enter his office...

Every time there's a chance for something to go wrong in this case, it does. The latest example? The judge decided on Friday that my client's employee can be called as an expert witness for the other side against his will. Isn't that nice? So we've reached this level of insanity in this case... The plaintiff can't contact this guy, because he's employed by my client. I can't contact the guy, because despite being my client's employee, he's been deemed an expert for the plaintiff. Try explaining THAT decision to the client...

Anyway, in trying to keep everyone else sane, I feel like I'm losing my mind...

My boss can't focus on all the 9 million little details because he's so focused on the big picture, so it's all falling to me. Sure... every 5th year associate knows EXACTLY how to prep this case for trial without any direction whatsoever! No problem... lay it on me. Whatever makes your life easier.

I've pulled 7 people off all their other work so they can prep this trial with me. I can barely keep track of what I still need to accomplish, but I have to figure out what they're all doing, keep them stocked with work, and make sure everything is being done right. In so many ways, it'd just be easier if I did it myself. In the middle of the chaos, I have to deal with them coming into my office on a daily basis venting about the case. I try to keep them calm with food and liquor. And the knowledge that after this is all over, we'll all have enough hours banked that we can take a very long vacation without needing to worry about making up the time. Who the hell knows if it's working for them.

Hardest though, is keeping the client in check. He doesn't understand at all how this can be happening. They designed a great building for an extremely demanding client who still hasn't paid them for all the work they did. The case hasn't been going well for the plaintiff. We've destroyed their experts. We significantly weakened their bullshit contract claims.

Now the case has become a fraudulent conspiracy to rip off the poor, unsophisticated plaintiff. A bank. Let me ask - does ANYONE feel bad for banks these days? Nah. I didn't think so.

But in trying to explain this to the client, I have to throw all my legal training out the window. Forget about trying to logically reason my way through this. I've had to resort to talking to them like this to describe the case... at least when put this way, the case sounds as absolutely ridiculous as it is: Oh come on! You're a fucking liar and thief! Trial counsel's an asshole who doesn't give a shit about family. And I'm a goddamn serial perjurer! Don't forget that you're so scared of this piddly little case that you dropped a few mill to BUY the plaintiff's expert. (Oh yes, those really are the types of allegations being hurled around in this case.)

"But why, Jaime? Why are they doing this to me?" They repeatedly asked.

When the legal answers my boss tried to offer didn't go anywhere, I let loose with the only answer I could think of: Because the homeowners are suing them for about 10 million dollars. Whatever doesn't come out of your pocket is coming out of yours. This has nothing to do with you!

It's a small joy to see the light bulb click on before they say in a thick accent, "Those fucking bastards!" So that's how I get them to focus on hitting the bank where it hurts - their wallet.

Two weeks left.

February can't come fast enough. Now you'll have to excuse me. I need a drink. And a nap. Though not necessarily in that order.