It's Kind of a Big Deal

A few weeks ago I was reading an article in USA Today about a survey conducted by the Sesame Street Workshop organization.  As I have a vested interest in Sesame Street by the virtue of parking my two children in front of their program pretty much non-stop for the bulk of their pre-school years. (Don't judge me). In my defense, moms in the 1970's were brainwashed into thinking that Mr. Rogers, the Electric Company crew and the cast of Sesame Street would turn our uneducated 3 year olds into reading and spelling prodigies. Who knows??...  Maybe my children's later successes are in large part due to the efforts of Big Bird.  Sadly, I never sent him a thank you note.  Bad manners on my part I suspect. Regret is an evil emotion.

Well...Back to the subject of the survey.  Sesame Street is now in it's 47th year and tackling the subject of kindness with an emphasis on empathy. According to the article both teachers and parents are worried that today's kids are growing up in an unkind, unempathetic world. Sesame Street creators are going to try to enlighten the little heathens among us by teaching them  how to recognize kindness, emulate it and  how they might look at something from another person's point of view.

I have to think that this is a complicated mission.  The survey included the opinions of  2000 parents and 500 teachers and there seemed to be a lot of confusion between those surveyed as to what is constitutes kindness. Kindness means different things to different people. There is a lot of gray area between using good manners and truly possessing a generous spirit toward others.   If this  murky, undefined  concept of "what exactly constitutes kindness?" wasn't enough of a hurdle for their survey, there were many that questioned "what is the difference between empathy and sympathy?"

After the survey result were in, Jeffery D. Dunn, the CEO of Sesame Workshop said "This survey confirms our concerns. It is time for a national conversation about kindness."

Jennifer Kotler Clark, a researcher at Sesame Workshop said both parents and teachers overwhelmingly felt that being kind was more important than being academically successful. (Note: Hey kids...try using that line on your parents when you get a bad grade.  "Sure I got a D in Algebra but I sure treat my fellow classmates with the utmost respect.")


Kotler Clark went on to say that during the survey they substituted words to represent kindness including empathy, helpfulness, thoughtfulness, politeness, and manners.  When asked which is more important manners or empathy, 58 percent of the parents said manners. Katler Clark suggested that maybe parents assume if a child is mannerly that they are also empathetic. Not so fast, she cautioned.  Bullies are great at using good manners around adults.

While  the parents thought that manners were more important than empathy,  63 percent of the  teachers  ranked empathy as more important than manners.  Only 30 percent of the teachers said that parents are raising their children with values consistent with their teachers.  OUCH!!  Fifty percent of the teachers surveyed said they felt that being kind is not a top priority.  (Did they mean from the perspective of the children, the parents or themselves?  Hey teachers!...use complete sentences.)

According to the article, research has proven that self-regulation, and pro-social behaviors in children are a predictor for future health, financial stability, and academic success.  Supposedly, kids not only need to see and recognize examples of these types of behaviors but they need to practice them.

Rosemary Truglio said that this year Sesame Street is making kindness a top priority. She said they want to make it more explicit. (I am assuming she means that in a good way.) The show wants to get beyond the niceness of manners. (Although....let's not gloss over that too much...manners matter.)


So what's your thoughts, readers?  Is empathy being taken over by narcissism?  Are children not seeing and recognizing behaviors that teach them to be kind?  Collectively, are we becoming a civilization of  people that choose not to care how others feel?

I Have Lost My Patience

Recently I read a post, Decency and T-Shirts,  over at Older Eyes concerning the Utah mom that was offended by some T-shirts displayed in the Pac Sun store in Odum, Utah.  (BTW...Older Eyes is such a great blog.  I highly encourage anyone that wants to read thought-provoking, interesting articles to go over there. )

As I was saying...up to the point, I read Bud's article concerning Judy Cox's displeasure with the T-shirts, I knew nothing of the story.  For any of you, that also might be unaware of the details let me catch you up... a mother was shopping with her 18 year old son  in a mall in Odum, UT and passed a window display of t-shirts showing scantily clad women. Odum, UT is a city that is made up in large part by members of the Church of Latter Day Saints members and has some rather stringent laws pertaining to the display of sexually explicit material.  Judy felt the shirts in question violated those local "decency" laws.  After speaking to the store's management, she was told that the display was a corporate decision outside of her control. Then.. she went to the mall management.  They basically told her that they would check into the matter but it would take some time.

Soooo...Judy went back to the store and bought every one of the shirts that she deemed too explicit for a store that caters to young children.  She was quoted as saying "These shirts clearly cross a boundary that is continually being pushed on our children in images on the Internet, television and when our families shop in the mall."  She paid $567.00 for the shirts and says that she plans to return them before the 60 allowable return date policy by Pac Sun.  She hopes that in that time she can work on the policies that allow them to be displayed.  In the mean time, the shirts won't be available to purchase.

Anyway...my post isn't really about whether Judy is being too over-reactionary or too "up tight" or too puritanical as much as it is my dismay at how people have reacted to the story.

After I read Older Eyes article, I Googled the subject and was shocked at the reaction to people to Judy and/or her purchase of the shirts. Overwhelmingly people ranted against her and often gave her implicit directions on "what she could do".  Some of the more imaginative suggestions involved Judy's husband.  Crude, to say the least.

Thought Number One:  Virtuous or Villainous

If you are a comment reader like me, I would be curious if you find as time goes on that more and more the comment sections are full of venom and animosity. It seems for every rational, intelligent point of view there are dozens that are vile.  In response to the offending T-shirts article,  Gawker had hundreds of comments vilifying people of various religions including Mormons, Catholics, and generally Christians.  (one guy called them Christens...which made me think if you are going to insult a group at least spell the group's organization correctly) saying:

Please stop insulting both our intelligences and just say what you mean to say when you throw around the word "family": "White, heteronormative Christian families where women are treated like sexual cattle". This would be both more precise and less subtly offensive to everyone who doesn't fit your rigid, bullshit.

Over at the New York Daily News the very first comment says: The American Taliban are alive and well in Utah. Time to send in the troops.

After reading dozens of comments making the leap that anyone associated with organized religion is a zealot or assume that they stereotypically have only one way of looking at things,  I became more than a little irritated.   I would be hesitant to use the phrase "old fashion" values as it might imply that I am not opened minded regarding current social issues.  I tend to be very liberal by nature, so most things I would be firmly in the "pro" column but I am also Christian. (or Christen as the case may be)

(I only mention this in passing as, I am very respectful  of other people's choices to follow/practice a religion or not.   Who am I to think that my thoughts on the subject are any more accurate that yours?)

Back to the topic at hand...Not every Christian is as easily offended as Judy as far as T-shirts in the mall.  But in her defense.  She didn't rob the store and hold someone at gun point, she bought up the product that she wanted removed.  I admire she followed her conscience.  I am laid back on that sort of thing, I would of just walked on by.  If I had been with my 18 year old we probably would of had a discussion  that was very frank. I wasn't the kind of parent that tried to shield my kids from much. (By the time my kid was 18 I am pretty sure he knew what girl's parts looked like and wouldn't have been caught dead in a trashy t-shirt depicting semi-naked women.)

BUT...Really, when did having a belief system (within the confines of being legal and moral) set people up as being the enemy?  When did having virtues become so abhorrent and vile?

Thought Number Two:  Being KIND is a virtue.

I was looking at various lists of "virtues" in preparation for today's post.  There are numerous sites that have varying lists of supposed virtues.  For a master list of  Virtues, Vices, and Values you can click here.  How handy to have a list to tell you what traits are the good ones to have versus what traits aren't.

All in all, my thought here today is that while I believe in people's right to express their opinions, whatever those opinions would be...WHY can't they be expressed in a kind and mannerly way?  Why does every little incident require animosity and confrontation?

Can't we agree to disagree. OR discuss things in a civil manner?

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Lucky or Unlucky

A couple of days ago, I got a text from a friend that wanted to know if the day that I was embarrassing myself over at the Sweet Tomato Restaurant choking on a chunk of broccoli, if I thought I was going to die.

 For those of you that were reading my blog last February, you might remember that I did a post called  Random Acts of Kindness that told about my stellar move of trying to simultaneously talk, breath and eat some raw broccoli only to discover the breathing part went MIA.  As I literally was turning blue, I faintly recall snippets of the stir that I was causing. I heard a woman's voice on the phone with 911.  A few people commenting on my odd coloring. Several "OH MY GOD's". A lot of commotion and commentary surrounded me.

  Sweet Tomato is a salad bar kind of eatery, so my friend wasn't back to the table when all my "lunch disruption antics" started but she did come running when the crowd started to form. Gal Pal  tried to get around me to try the Heimlich Maneuver but she  is so small she couldn't get enough "oomph" to help.

 Fortunately, some really nice man intervened taking over with considerably more strength, reaching his arms around  me with the appropriate maneuver but nothing was working.  Actually, he tried a couple of times before picking me up over his arm and hitting my back much as a person would do with a small child.  That works on small adult women too, as it turns out.  Finally the offending broccoli made it's reappearance. I am sure much to the chagrin of the nearby diners.

  There are bits and pieces of that day (not referring to the broccoli here) that I was aware of and some that I wasn't aware of.  I remember the 911 calls but I didn't realize until my friend told me that there was one older lady that just kept eating her lunch totally undisturbed.  All, I can say about her is "there is a person that is totally able to focus on the task at hand". I am 100% sure that  I spoiled a perfectly good lunch hour for probably a 100 people and a couple of  EMT's that had to get in their ambulance all  for naught.

Anyway, back to my friend's question.  In that case, no I didn't have clear thoughts in those moments about dying.  I didn't have the experience of "my life flashing before my eyes"  I was trying to think, what might I do  to help dislodge that Fu**** piece of broccoli. Later, I thought, HOW EMBARRASSING!!!  Still later I thought....that would have been the worst obit in history.  Fifty-eight year old Kansas women died in the Sweet Tomato choking on some broccoli, she leaves behind some humiliated family members and a slew of diners that lost their appetites for their lunch.

  In this instance I  was shaken but the fact, I knew the ambulance was on the way, gave me a measure of hope.  There have been at 2 other times in my life that I really, truly thought I was a goner.  I was much surer in the other 2 times that there wasn't anyway to save myself.  Turns out I was wrong, so that is another couple of posts somewhere down the road.

Anyway, Gal Pal had been for whatever reason thinking about the events of that day and had questions.  Her first being  "did you think you were going to die" and the second being "did I notice the lady in the booth right next to me that didn't stray from eating her lunch?"  Gal Pal found the lady thought worthy.

So, to get around to the point for today....seemingly I have a knack for getting myself into messes.  I am klutzy to say the very least and not known for being "lucky".  However, because I have managed to actually survive and walk away from some of my antics, should I consider myself an extremely lucky person?

Do you believe in luck?  Do you believe in fate or destiny?  How about Devine Intervention or Guardian Angels??   Have you had an experience that you knew that some  outside force rescued you or intervened in some way?

I have no idea why the video used a pumpkin but I love the sentiments of the Michelle Featherston song, Good to Be Alive.




The Good for the Day....I have survived broccoli


The Bad for the Day.....People are very nervous around me over at the Sweet Tomato


The Weird for the Day... The lady that sat totally undisturbed my me trying to die next to her booth.

Random Acts of Kindness

As I told you in my earlier posts, Sunday tends  to always start on a good note at our house.   I get to sleep later that the 5:20 alarm, read the newspaper, and generally dink around until time to pull myself together and get to church.

I was thinking this morning, "Which of  my mental meanderings should I write about today?",  when I remembered something that Texas Pal was talking about on Friday during our walk. (for those of you just joining in, I live in Kansas City, walk every morning with someone in Dallas, TX while we talk on cell phones). 

Texas Pal, as you might remember is a surgical nurse.  She was telling me that in recent weeks, not one, but TWO employees within the Denton, TX area have donated kidneys to people needing them (badly, needing them).  What makes this interesting is that the only connection is that these people are people that came in to have medical care and the "donors-to-be had some work related interaction with them as a care givers.  No family connection or anything that would inspire this HUGE generous act.


 TRULY AN ACT OF KINDNESS!!!

While, I have been on the receiving end of really generous acts of kindness, I struggle to think of any huge acts on my part that would change anyone's life. Nothing come to mind in terms of MAJOR life changing gestures to strangers. More run of the mill things that most people do for one another such as letting someone cut in front of you in line, or giving away tickets to an event, or  passing along something no longer needed to someone in need.

I have had both good and bad experiences in my meager attempts at trying to do good.  (There certainly have been times that the adage "no good deed goes unpunished" feels more apropos.)
  For example:
 During my tenure in the employment biz, there was a time that men, who badly needed jobs, couldn't be hired in local factories because they needed steel toes boots. The problem was that boots are expensive and most guys out of work can't afford them so I decided that I could give men money to go buy a decent pair of work boots.  I could then get them  on as new-hires and when they got a little ahead, they could just pay me back the loan.

In very few cases, only 2 that I can recall, did the guys not show up at some point and pay me back.  (Those two quickly went AWOL from the job and took their free boots with them.)  In the big picture, I could care less.  Didn't care then, don't care now.  My point is that random acts of kindness are in themselves the reward.   You have to be prepared if you "out of the goodness of your heart" decide to do something  selfless, it may or may not be appreciated, acknowledged or even noticed.  (I suppose if you give someone one of your kidneys, that would be noticed.)

In 2002 a comedian, Danny Wallace, wrote a book Join Me, that inadvertently, started a movement which was later defined as a cult with its followers called the Karma Army.  The idea that resulted in the making of a book was an ad that Danny had placed in a small British newspaper. The ad was a short little ditty that pretty much said "Join Me".  The ad gave no explanation for what you were joining or why but it did ask the responder to send a passport picture. I mean really this was just silliness on the part of Danny, much the same as writing a blog and hoping to catch someones attention.

His first respondent's reply: 
 As requested, here is my passport photo.  I have also troubled myself to include a menu from our local Indian restaurant and can recommend the Chicken Dansak, if you are ever in the area and feel hungry.
(this respondent was to be called Jonesie) How nice of Jonesie to go beyond the instructions of just sending a picture.

After Jonesie's response other responses came in slowly and then more and more.  Of course at this point Danny needed to come up with a reason for the group to exist.  Now he had the people  who had "joined" but for what?


Ultimately, he came up with the idea  of people going out to do Random Acts of Kindness which caught on globally.  It also led to another book: Random Acts of Kindness: 365 Ways to Make the World a Nicer Place.
There was also, the Free Hugs Campaign which was documented in various cities, such as the one below.





As for acts of kindness bestowed upon me, there are many. Some so huge that the act sent my life in a whole different direction but because of time constraints. (not to mention the reader...yes, you L.M...that mentioned via email about me being wordy...but that is who I am)

I will tell you about one recent act of kindness that I was lucky enough to be a recipient of.  A gal pal and I went to a local restaurant here in KC.  During lunch, I started to choke.  I mean CHOKE!! No catching my breath, no coughing, just "I am now turning blue" kind of choking.  People started surrounding me.  I could hear some woman on her cell call 911 but was by that time I was light headed and not really paying attention to all that was happening around me.  A man came from behind me and started the Heimlich Maneuver to no avail.  He tried a second time, still nothing.  On his last time, he literally picked me up off the floor, bent me over his arm and hit me HARD on the back.  (the same maneuver one would use with an infant)  It worked. I was sitting on the floor recovering when the EMT's arrived.

A couple of things about this.  The man that did this is surely going to be rewarded at some point.  Hopefully, some karmic pay back is in store for him. 

And if he hadn't come to my defense,  I would have hated my obit to say, She died of aspirating a piece of broccoli at the Sweet Tomato Cafe, while horrified diners were losing their appetites around her.

I can think of several other examples in my life that special people changed the course of my life in very significant ways.  Unfortunately, there is no way to express to people how appreciative you are. Words fall short for those big "saves".


I am going to close for today.  Maybe in a future post, I can resurrect this subject and tell you a few more
stories of people acting very compassionate, generous and/or kind.