The Best Professor Farnsworth Quotes from 'Futurama'
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1I Don't Want To Live
Professor Farnsworth: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
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2I Hate These Nerds
Professor Farnsworth: I hate these nerds! Just because I'm stupider than them they think they're smarter than me!
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3Hitler's Brain
Professor Farnsworth: Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark. Ohhh, suddenly you've gone too far.
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4Come On, Stem Cells
Professor Farnsworth: Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific magic.
Fry: Fetal stem cells, aren't those controversial?
Professor Farnsworth: In your time yes, but nowadays? Shut up! Besides they are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults, whom I killed for their stem cells.
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5I Curse Zoidberg
Professor Farnsworth: With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!
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6Perfect Timing
Professor Farnsworth: Ah, perfect timing. I just turbo charged the ship's matter compressor.
Fry: What's the matter compressor?
Professor Farnsworth: Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbo charged the matter compressor.
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7Paid In Advance
Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! We were suppose to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12 but it's been completely destroyed.
Leela: Why is that good news?
Professor Farnsworth: They paid in advance.
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8Hail Science
Professor Farnsworth: Hail science!
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9Do His Laundry
Leela: I am going to remind Fry of his humanity, the only way a woman can.
Professor Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?
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10Some Acting
Professor Farnsworth: Remeber, we've got to show these people we're not bitter husks of human beings who long ago abandonded hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you're going to have to do some acting.
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11By Measuring It
(at the horse races)
Announcer: It's a dead heat. They're checking the electron microscope.The winner is number three in a quantum finish.Professor Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it.
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12Stumbos-4
Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. We'll be making a delivery to Stumbos-4, a planet with such high gravity that you'll most likley be crushed under the weight of our own hair. Enjoy!
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13Penniless Hippie
Hippie: You can't own property.
Professor Farnsworth: I can, but that's because I'm not a pennniless hippie.
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14Changed The Name
Professor Farnsworth: I'm sorry Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry: Oh. What's it called now?
Professor Farnsworth: Urrectum!
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15Everyone?
Professor Farnsworth: Who likes good news? Everyone?
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16We're In A Hurry
Leela: This ship can do 99% light speed. Why are we going 35 MPH?
Professor Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry!
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17A Paypal Transfer
Professor Farnsworth: Your mouth just wrote a Paypal request tranfser that your butt has insufficient funds to honor.
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18Madness Runs In Our Family
Professor Farnsworth: They say madness runs in our family. Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters. Atomic super men with octagonal shaped bodies that sucked blood out of...
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19House Is On Fire
Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire.
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20Sold Your Body
Brender: I sold my body.
Professor Farnsworth: Sold your body? Oh, Bender. I've been down that road. I know it glamorous and the parties are great. But you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewlery and skin tight pants.
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21It's A Suppository
Fry: I can't swallow that!
Professor Farnsworth: well, then, good news! It's a suppository.
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22Bad News, Everyone
Professor Farnsworth: Bad news, nobody! The supercollider super-exploded. I need you to take it back and exchange it for a wobbly CD rack and some of those rancid meatballs.
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23Be Careful Fry
Professor Farnsworth: Be careful, Fry! And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat thier heart. To gain thier courage. Their rich, tasty courage.
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24Very Bad News
Professor Farnsworth: Good news everyone! There's a report on the TV with some very bad news!
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25Collect Honey
Leela: Whats the mission?
Professor Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Professor Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!
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26Picasso
Professor Farnsworth: (to Leela with horrible makeup) You look beautiful. Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.
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27The Angry Dome
Professor Farnsworth: If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome.
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28Laser Canon
Professor Farnsworth: I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser canon on your chest to crush those who disobey you.
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29Its Easier
Professor Farnsworth: These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are.
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30Have A Hand In It
Professor Farnsworth: It's the Apocalypse all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.
