Christ on a (Ben) Cross!

With all these religious horror movies coming out recently, it seems like a good time to pick out 1988's The Unholy from the pile and give it a go. This was another one that I have no explanation for never watching back in the day, as it was a video store mainstay. Let's chomp that wafer and get down to business.

Shortly after arriving at his new parish, Father Michael (Ben Cross) discovers that the last two priests who held his position were brutally murdered at his altar. Will he be next?

Yeah, this one isn't bad. I learned that this script was originally written in the seventies to capitalize on the success of The Exorcist and The Omen, but was then shelved. I can see that, as the characters and societal underbelly that Father Michael encounters does feel more of that decade.

Ben Cross - who would have made one of my faves Paperhouse around this time - is solid here and a good sport about having his junk covered in snakes. He's also surrounded by a bevy of character actors in this including Ned Beatty, Hal Holbrook, Peter (Profiler FTW!) Frechette and Will Russ. The score by Roger Bellon is terrific, even by eighties standards.

Ben Cross as Father Michael in The Unholy.

I found it amusing how nonchalantly the clergy talk about Church cover-ups in this movie when in hindsight, a few dead bodies and some indiscretions with the opposite sex were the least of their dirty laundry. Just another indication of how different things were some fourty years ago.

Can you keep a secret?

I do have to admit, The Unholy does get a bit bogged down with exposition and I found myself nodding off in the middle. However I perked up for the finale which is definitely worth the price of admission. The effects provided by Bob Keen, who worked on Clive Barker's films among others, fucking brings his A-game. Full creature suits, giant animatronics, exploding midgets, you name it!

 

In fact, I'd say that guy looks like the love child of The Brain and Syngenor. Oh, I didn't even mention the sexy negligee-d demon played by Nicole Fortier. Let's just say that ol' Father Michael was made of stronger rosary than I. 

Come Get Some!

Yes, this is a rare post about a new release. It doesn't happen very often these days, but once every few years (Halloween 2018, The Sadness) I feel compelled to type out some thoughts on the film of the hour. That film today is Lee Cronin's new Evil Dead flick.

I had a lot of fun with this one, much more than I did with Fede Alvarez's 2013 remake. Looking back on my review from ten years ago, I was perhaps a little harsh. For what it was, it was fine, but Cronin's offering is a much stronger piece and I think a legitimately good horror movie. 

Predominantly, I wager this is due to the likeable cast of characters. Apart from Jane Levy and Jessica Lucas (bless her) I didn't give a rat's ass about anyone in the remake, but here, this crew was just a nice family that unfortunately DJ'd their way into tragedy. All the performances are solid, especially Aussie Alyssa Sutherland as the matriarch-turned Deadite - do we still call them that? She brings a tremendous physicality to the role, adding pinches of The Joker and Pennywise into her portrayal to really make it sing. Some of her line deliveries really got the crowd going.  

I think the fresh location (a soon to be knocked down apartment complex) really helps this movie, as well. While it is mainly confined to one floor, thus not going full Demons 2 as I had hoped, they still utilize the environment to the fullest. And not unlike the new Hellraiser, the filmmakers found interesting ways to expand the lore, in addition to keeping the effects as practical as possible.

 

Speaking of which, Evil Dead Rise is very bloody. VERY bloody. An estimated count of 1,700 gallons of blood seems low in comparison to the remake's apparent count of 70,000. Although, Cronin did say that due to the pandemic, blood shortages caused them to have re-use it as much as possible. Can you imagine? I kept thinking about that during the final act, man the actors really earned their pay on that stretch of the shoot. Great stuff.  

Lily Sullivan as Beth in Evil Dead Rise

Evil Dead Rise is just well put together, with good pacing, particularly once the blood hits the fan. All of the callbacks to the original trilogy - of which there are many - felt earned and not simply fan service. Additionally, there are many other classics to which Cronin pays homage, including The Shining and Aliens - the latter heavily in the climax, even down to the Horner infused score.

I think my only knock on this movie is that the bookend sequences seemed unnecessary. I imagine it served as a doorway to make more Evil Dead films, but those scenes seemed a tad clunky in contrast to the main story. A minor gripe.

Lastly, I've been thinking about why Rise works so much better than its 2013 counterpart, even rhough they share almost exactly the same tone. Perhaps it was just expectation. A decade ago, the marketers decided to plaster “THE MOST TERRIFYING THING EVER” on their posters (it wasn't), while Cronin's crew instead focused on the family element that just happens to be one of the main strengths of the piece. Oh, and they gave us cheese graters after the movie...

So, yes. I approve of this latest Evil Dead film. It was a lot of fun to see with a crowd, and if you feel so inclined I recommend you do the same. 

HMG: Beyond The Door

The next entry in the Guide was Ovidio G. Assonitis' 1974 flick Beyond The Door. I obviously knew the coverbox from way back, but didn't really know what I was in for.

Jessica (Juliet Mills) has a lot on her plate, not only being possessed by a demon, but also apparently carrying the devil's child. Levitation, regurgitation and desecration ensues.

It's funny to me that I just watched Beyond Evil, a film with similar themes to Beyond The Door, but couldn't be more different. Evil attempts to tell a coherent story - it fails, but at least tries - whereas Door has no such allusions. This is textbook Italian replication at work here. Mix together a large helping of The Exorcist (which came out the year previous) with some Rosemary's Baby, add some weirdo badly dubbed children and sprinkle a Euro-funkadelic score on top and voila; you've got Beyond The Door!

I have so many questions, chief among them, why is the son obsessed with pea soup, to the point he drinks it from the fucking can? Is it some sort of in-joke about Pazuzu vomit? Both these kids talk like they're from outer space. Man, onscreen children that call their parents by their first names always irk me. But I digress. Whatever the deal was with those kids was irrelevant anyway because they are mercifully shuffled away in the third act, save for the nonsensical final freeze frame.

Like, what the fuck dude?

Beyond The Door is just so perplexing. It should be simple, but just can't help going off on these strange tangents, like that extended scene when the husband, Argento regular Gabe Lavia, is accosted by nose-fluting buskers on the sidewalk. Oh, I forgot about this... the movie opens with narration from the Devil himself. I don't know why the Prince of Darkness felt the need to lay everything out for us, but thanks I guess? You know what I'd like to forget? That skeezy goodnight kiss scene. Ick.

This all results in a movie that feels loooong. However, I did appreciate that at some points two scenes were super-imposed over each other to save time. I guess the only real takeaway - apart from the usual bonkers Eurotropes - was Mills' performance as she really gives her all in the possession scenes. I'm sure this wasn't what she was envisioning when she signed onto this project - her last film in Italy was alongside Jack Lemmon - but that's the nature of the biz I guess.

It looks like the Guide had even less tolerance for Beyond The Door than I did, finding the kids equally as boggling.

HMG: Beyond Evil

This week's foray into the pages of the Horror Movie Guide was 1980's Beyond Evil. This was a title I was not previously familiar with, but stars John Saxon and Lynda Day “Bastaaaaaaards” George so I was more than willing to imbibe.

Larry (Saxon) and his wife Barbara (George) move into a mansion on a tropical island, only to find it is haunted by a demonic spirit.

Our movie opens with a native wedding, after which the bride wanders into the forest and seems shocked to see this huge mansion that stands literally a stone's throw from their village. That's where we get the first glimpse of the house demon. It drops a column on the bride, but fortunately, after some questionable splint work, she survives. Cut to director card and the first of MANY dun-dun-dunnnnnn music cues.

Beyond Evil is one of those titles that is mostly a bore, plodding along in between sensational deaths that are sprinkled in every so often. Speaking of which, why is it that demons have such rampant remote access to all forms of machinery in these movies? 

Fortunately, amongst all this boring talk about faith healers and real estate deals, I had Day's long blonde locks and Saxon's hunky physique to hold my attention. Still cut in his mid-forties and badass AF. Respect!

Finally things start motoring in the last act when Saxon tries to stop the demon from possessing his wife. Green Laser Eyes ensue. Then, in the eleventh hour, jewelry and the power of love save the day, and the demon turns to dust.

Beyond Evil is pretty pedestrian and without its two stars I wager this movie would be almost unwatchable. The Guide would seem to agree. 

S is for Specters (1987)

This one was a blind buy at yet another Rue Morgue flea market. I'd never heard of it, but it has Donald Pleasance in it so that was enough for me to shell out five bucks.

Drilling near an archeological dig site in Rome unleashes an ancient demon.

Specters was pretty straightforward stuff, and yet incoherent at the same time. The Italians can usually be counted on to spice up said confusion so you can at least rejoice in the din, but director Marcello Avallone falls short of the mark. This movie had four(!) screenwriters and it shows, as there are more than one subplots that struggle to take center stage. Is this movie about a pissed off demon? Is it about duelling archeologists? Is it about an actress/singer's failing career?

Trine Michelsen in Specters

It is amusing to watch Donald Pleasance half-ass his way though the few days (if that) he was on set. To be fair though, even Pleasance at fifty-percent makes a movie one-hundred percent better. Was there ever anyone who could describe evil better than Sir Donald?

Despite its shortcomings, there were some bright spots. The score by Lele Marchitelli & Danilo Rea slaps and regular Argento collaborator Sergio Stivaletti is on hand for the gore effects, even if it is mostly just demon claws coming into frame to rip off people's flesh.

Not much more to say about this one. It's no The Keep that's for sure. Onto the next!

Ten Little Inheritants.

This week's VHS is a recent acquisition in Emmanuel Kervyn's 1988 horror Rabid Grannies.

A birthday party for two old ladies (Catherine Ayemerie & Caroline Braeckman) turns gruesome when they are possessed by demons and start knocking off their greedy relatives.

Rabid Grannies was a strange beast because it was a four European country co-production that was released this side of the pond by Troma Entertainment. It was a good fit for them, as the subject matter screams the company that brought us titles like The Toxic Avenger and Surf Nazis Must Die. However, with the foreign locales, dubbed dialogue and over-the-top gore, the hybrid actually felt more along the lines of Lamberto Bava or Braindead-era Peter Jackson.

It is amusing to note that a more appropriate title would've been Demonic Grannies, as the two grand matriarchs were possessed by a evil artifact given to them by a shunned relative and not infected by a four-legged creature. I'm guessing, in a practice that was popular in the eighties, this movie started as a title (or poster art) and worked its way back from that.

Rabid Grannies takes an unusually long time setting up its characters. That's not to say there's anything deep about them, there's just a large number so it just took a good chunk of time introducing them all. You've got the unhappy couple with kids, the magnate with the trophy wife, the bad boy and the lesbian couple for which I wonder if the filmmakers were trying to be progressive or exploitative. My money's on the latter. It was over a half-hour before the gore started flying, but it was very entertaining once it did..

I must admit there was a good deal of it, much more than I would've expected. I imagine that is why – save the catchy title – Rabid Grannies hasn't been forgotten. Everyone was fair game and most were cut to pieces. Even the ending was something that, again, echoed the younger Bava. You know, this could've been one of the umpteen Demons sequels and no one would have batted a gouged out eye.

This was a good pickup for Troma, as it matched their mandate, but also branched them out from the urban American titles they were known for.

Mangled!

With the latest iteration of Pet Sematary in theatres, I decided to watch an old Stephen King ditty I'd been meaning to revisit, Tobe Hooper's The Mangler from 1995.

After several fatalities involving an old laundry pressing machine, grizzled cop Hunton (Ted Levine) begins to suspect it may be possessed by evil.

I watched this when it came out in theatres and remembered liking it, but oh my did this not hold up as well as I thought it might. First off, just from the title graphic alone, The Mangler had direct-to-video written all over it. It's amazing some of the horror movies that got a wide release back in the nineties, but, to be fair, the trio of King, Hooper & Robert Englund does carry a large amount of cache. And considering it was largely shot in South Africa, I can't imagine it cost a lot to make either. But I digress.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the most striking thing about this movie was The Mangler itself. Apparently designed by Hooper's own son, William, it's a truly menacing piece of machinery, right down to the sound design. It's also fortunate that the movie at least delivered on its promise of crushing and folding more than a few people like so much laundry. I was little sad that the icebox scene was not nearly as outrageous as I remembered it. Dang recall!

Everything aside from the machine eating people was kind of a mess... Okay, a different kind of mess. I remembered Englund's performance as the machine's owner being a tad cartoonish, but holy mothballs! I feel like Englund asked Hooper on day one, “so how far do you want me to take this?” and he was like, “take Lefty & Chop Top from Texas 2 and crank it to eleven”.

To be honest though, apart from the occasional off-kilter camera angle, I felt there was a lack of direction from Hooper, most apparent during the meandering exchanges between Hunton and his worldly brother-in-law Mark (Daniel Matmor). It was like they were improving half of their scenes together with only an end point to guide them. It's bitter sweet because it made for some amusing moments (in a wow-what-is-going-on kind of way), but it's not the most concise way to make a movie.

I had clearly blanked out the climax because I did not recall that it unfortunately goes the route of almost every King adaptation of the nineties, falling back on instantly regrettable visual effects. Mercifully, they were kept to a minimum with the use of shadow and quick cuts though. The Mangler came at the tail end of an era that saw King properties appear at an almost monthly pace and though it's by no means the worst, it was far from its well-oiled namesake.

Ask Evil Home.

In honour of the recent passing of genre icon John Carl Buechler, this week's VHS is his 1988 effort, Cellar Dweller.

Thirty years after a comic artist (Jeffrey Combs) is murdered by his own demonic creation, a new generation of artists convene in the same building only to repeat his misadventure.

I have to admit that I had no idea that Buechler made this picture before this week. I'd heard the title before (though I always get it mixed up with the 1971's Beast in the Cellar), but never gave it more than a cursory glance. My loss because it is actually an entertaining yarn. It's not as batshit and effects heavy as his movie Troll, made two years earlier, but Cellar Dweller has a lot going for it, as well. It actually shared a similar structure to Troll in that it's one location (an art school instead of an apartment complex) and a creature bumped off the residents one by one.

Cellar Dweller had a fairly unique through line in that the character's drawings came to life. I feel like that's an untapped resource that hasn't been explored since the eighties with things like Creepshow, Paperhouse and that bit in Nightmare 5. Bring that shit back! Buechler cleverly padded his running time with these comics, often using it in place of special effects. It could've felt like a cheat, if said comics hadn't been so dang awesome. The work was credited to both John Foster or Frank Brunner, but whoever penned them did a bang-up job!

Buechler was obviously having fun here, whether it be from the thinly veiled digs at some of the “arts” or his in-joke set dressings. I find it hilarious that the main character (played by newcomer Debrah Farentino) had a Re-Animator poster on her wall and didn't once think, “hey, the guy in that movie sure looks at lot like the guy who got me into comics and died in this house thirty years ago”. I guess we can all be blinded by our idols.

Mainly, I was impressed that Buechler kept his sense of humour considering how busy he must have been in 1988. Not only did his installment of the Friday the 13th franchise come out that year, but he also did effects for Nightmare 4 and Charles Band's Pulse Pounders. This guy loved his work. Anyway, Cellar Dweller is definitely worth a watch.

Short of the Week #47: We Summoned A Demon

After tearing up the festival circuit for the last eighteen months, Chris McInroy's hilariously gory short film We Summoned A Demon is now online. Enjoy!

Jack-O aka “We Did The Best We Could”

With Halloween being less than a week away, watching my VHS of Steve Latshaw's Jack-O seemed like a no-brainer.

Many generations after the Kelly family executed an evil wizard (from Florida?!), a curse resurrects Jack-O to take down the rest of the bloodline namely mild mannered trick or treater Sean (Ryan Latshaw).

I'd heard rumblings about this movie not being the greatest, and they were all true. Though it was a bit of a bore, I still managed to get some joy out of it. When looking at it from a filmmaker's perspective, it's actually a pretty good clinic on the trials of low budget genre filmmaking and coincidentally shares a lot of similarities with Gary Graver's Trick or Treats, which I posted about a few weeks ago.

In addition to them using their own houses to shoot, Latshaw used his own son, Ryan as the lead. Also like Treats, Jack-O featured a ton of genre cameos, this time mainly sourced from abandoned projects. John Carradine appears almost nine years after his death in bits originally meant for a picture called Cannibal Church and Cameron Mitchell shows up as a TV host, by way of dead anthology piece Terminal Shock. Rounding things out was footage of Brinke Stevens running through a graveyard that producer Fred Olen Ray shot while vacationing in Salem, Mass.

Ryan Latshaw as Sean in Jack-O

So after an incredibly convoluted set-up, Jack-O rises from the grave to lumber around and dispatch largely random characters. The creature design was kinda cool, but the budget kind of limited what he could do and we rarely got a good look at him. I have to say that even though this movie was made in 1995, it felt much more like an eighties film in tone and structure. I guess the Rush Limbaugh-like character that keeps appearing on TV was really the only thing that rooted it in the decade it was actually made in.

Jack-O was largely off-kilter, but not in the same way that Trick or Treats was. I found it odd that the kid's family just immediately welcomed a complete stranger into their home. Sean was hanging out with this woman in his bedroom and even sitting on her lap within hours of meeting her. And don't get me started on the Kelly's janky haunted hou-- garage that the father managed to accidentally trash after just two kids had gone inside it. Jack-O did have the saving grace of having Linnea Quigley in it – naked within two seconds of being onscreen of course – though. I was shocked to see that she actually survived too, especially since there was a moment I was sure she was going to get cleaved in two.

Linnea Quigley (right) & Rachel Miller in Jack-O.

Before signing off I do have to mention the commentary track – that I subsequently watched on YouTube – because it was better than the actual movie. I wager you too will awkwardly laugh as the banter between producer & director goes from sarcasm and jovial ball busting to full-on arguing and resentment. I'm not one-hundred per cent sure it wasn't scripted to make things more interesting, but it sounded pretty real to me.

At the end of the day, Jack-O was a low-budget throwaway that had its moments. It's certainly no Satan's Little Helper, but it could still be a hoot to watch with some pals while throwing back a few.

Evil Shed.

This week it’s Charles Philip Moore’s 1990 effort Demon Wind.

After the death of his father, Cory (Eric Larson) is beckoned to his ancestral home only to find that it is cursed by demonic forces.

I have to admit that I cheated this week and watched my recently acquired Vinegar Syndrome Blu of this movie. With its snazzy lenticular cover, you can imagine it is not particularly easy to find a VHS copy in the wild. Oh well, at least they recreated the cover for this release. Anyhoo, let's dig in.

It didn't take me long to clock into this movie's Evil Dead vibe. You’ve got the rundown cabin – or farmhouse – the demons, the book of incantations and even the ceremonial dagger. When you think about it, I guess Sam Raimi’s Ram-O-Cam effect was technically a demon wind. There’s not much wind in this one though, save a few fog banks, as it's mainly demons shambling and cracking wise.

Demon Wind was a lot less fun than its influences that also likely included Prince of Darkness and Fulci’s Zombi, but Moore did manage to throw in a WTF moment every few scenes to keep me entertained. Like when those two guys – one of whom is a magician for some reason – show up blaring classical music out of their Buick. To be fair, those two dudes’ bro-mance was one of the more interesting things about Demon Wind.

Stacy (Jack Vogel) & Chuck (Stephen Quadros) together 4ever!

Not to say logic was particularly important here, but there was a severe lack of it present. Once inside the farmhouse, which I might add looks like ruins from the outside and fine on the inside, Cory is like, “I think it's gonna be okay”. Oh really guy? Need I remind you that five minutes ago your friend got turned into a doll and burst into flames. That sounds pretty fucking far from okay to me. But what do I know, I haven't inherited a cursed family plot. Not yet anyway.

Perhaps the most noticeable flaw was the foley. Holy balls, did this guy only have access to like three or four sounds? I swear, if you took a drink every time you hear that canned “falling to the ground” noise, you’d be hospitalized by the climax. In all fairness though, this movie was shot on short ends by a second-unit crew from a picture that it was being shot back-to-back with. I suppose we should be glad it was watchable at all.

Having said that, there were things to appreciate here. Though the gooey make-up effects were a mixed bag, F/X artist Lance Anderson really went for it. A dozen demon make-up extras (of which Lou Diamond Phillips was apparently one)? No problem. Huge son-of-Satan full body prosthetic? Sure, we can do that. Full body burn? Easy peasy! Plus, I feel I need to re-iterate those WTF moments.

If that gif were to play on, you'd see this guy regress back into a baby and then... a dove. Because why not, right?

Moore went onto have a decent career doing action movies, including Angel of Destruction and Dance with Death, which has perhaps the most nineties coverbox you have ever seen in your life. Demon Wind was a so-so affair, but at least it delivered on the promise of its coverbox.