Yesterday was crappy. I didn't get as much done as I wanted to,* I argued with Beloved,** and I just had trouble focusing.

Today, however, I have had a better day with the working and the learning and the studying. The sad part is, I skipped going to the gym in order to feel this way. That does make me sad. I've lost a good bit of weight, but I'd like to lose some more, in order to be the svelt Zuska that I was before injuries (minor) and law school conspired to Bloat Me. I haven't lost any weight in at least a month.

Today, I got up at 8, apparently forgetting to set my alarm for 7 last night. By the time I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, it was 8:30, and I was cringing at the visions of not starting my studies until almost noon again.

So I stayed home. I did some BarBri advanced questions (shittily) and then took a shower and took Commercial Paper and the essay book to a cafe. I struggled through Commercial Paper, then flipped to a few Commercial Paper essays and thought "wo! this has NOTHING to do with what I just learned!" and then once again convinced myself that it's the model answers that are stupid, not me. Because I HATE the model answers. And it's not just b/c they tell me I'm wrong, but sometimes, it's b/c I *know* they're wrong. I know it. They answer with multi-state principles despite the fact that we KNOW that Massachusetts is different. They're dumb. I hate them.

THEN I went and got a Chicken Shawarma with EXTRA garlic sauce. Yeah, Beloved's working today. I ate that while studying the chart on comparative and contributory negligence, to the point that I think I may actually be able to puzzle through it all. Now I'm going to go do 50 Torts Q's, then I'm going to review Trusts, and then I'm going to do essays.

I think this feeling of accomplishment was worth skipping the gym. Even though it makes me sad.

Also, I think getting out of the house and going to the cafe, and then the walk to the Shawarma joint really helped me to just feel better in general. I even tossed around the idea of taking the Red Book of Questions (which I am nowhere near even 1/2 way through, even though every one else in the Bar Prep Universe is already 3/4ths through the elusive Blue Book) to the park. In hte sunshine. With some water. On the grass.

Unfortunately, I suspect that I will fall to sleep, and then, during the real exam, I won't do well, what without the sunshine and the grass and all.

* Although I did: clean my room, clean up the kitchen, do 6 loads of laundry and pack for Europe as a run-through to see which bag would work. These things were not done because I had to do them that moment. They were evasive maneuvers.

** It was his fault. ;)

Labels: bar prep, everything, exercise, stress

posted by Zuska @ 2:08 PM 0 comments

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Spinning Top

I graduated on Friday. See how happy that seems to make me? *

Apparently, however, I've been under some stress this week. Between traveling to see the baby, graduating from law school, ushering my daughter through her 9th year, and traveling back to home state to see the baby again --- physical symptoms of the stress have struck me in the form of multiple cold sores, which tends to be the plague of Zuska. I can handle all this stuff, I can do it, and be mostly okay, but my body says, "bullshit, woman, this is too much!" and waa laa! My lip is swollen, and all I want to do is hide in my house.

Or in this case, my mother's house.

J's bday went well. She enjoyed her gifts - especially the roller blades that grandma and grandpa gifted her with. They also gave E a pair, which tends to go against my usual beliefs about siblings receiving gifts when it's not their birthday - but in this case, it was for the best. J won't want to go rollerblading on her own, and if E has some, too, they can do it together, and therefore more often. Her paternal grandmother sent her knitting supplies, which she enjoys a great deal (weirdo).

Graduation also went well. There isn't too much to say about it ... the ceremony was fine. I was not impressed with our faculty speaker .... our commencement speaker was no biggy. Our student speakers (who are elected by the student body b/c we don't have class rank) were really good, and I especially like the one who I nominated. She ended her speech with a rap. She was so cute. I wish I knew her better.

We came home from graduation and my parents and I all napped for an hour before we went out to dinner. Dinner was really good, and then we went home and I crashed .... well, after I tried to sort through clothes in my room.

I'm having a horrid time with clothes right now. I've gone down a size and a half, pretty much, and don't really have clothes. The clothes I had been wearing were stretched with belts for a while, but now I'm to the point where they look like clown pants. I bought a few things to carry me through - not wanting to buy too much, b/c I want to keep shrinking.

I was afraid to get rid of the useless ones, though. Like I said previously, I can't continue with the gym, and it's hard for me to wake in the a.m. So what if I end up needing that bigger size again? Beloved said - no. Get rid of the clothes. He said I won't need them again, he knows I'll keep up with the exercise, and if over time, I do need the bigger size again, I should buy new things that are in style, etc. (In style? Me?)

And so, my mom offered to take them. I put them all in big garbage bags, and she's throwing them all into her attic. Which meant I had to get it done. Great night-after-graduation activity? No?

THEN I crashed.

Now I'm back in home state. I spent the afternoon at my brother's, but was unable to hold the baby b/c of the stupid cold sores. J did great with him, though, and loved holding him and seeing him. I actually was going to stay home (hello? exhaustion? stress?) - but J really wanted to see her cousin.

We played Scrabble last night ... J, my mom and I. I left E home with Beloved, and they watched movies that J can't tolerate (she can't do intensity - regardless of the rating), and who knows what they're doing today ... if they're even awake.

This week ... BarBri starts! Woo hoo. Yippeee. Yikes.

Oh yeah, and prepping for J's bday party (joint party with her BFF whose bday is a week after hers) which is on Saturday. Groan.

*So yeah, I decided to supply a face with the blog ... considering that we're in the end-stages of this journey here, and I know I'll be closing up shop at the end of the summer, and that I'm likely identifiable already by anyone who knows me, and by anyone who wants to figure out who I am.

Labels: *E*, *J*, bar prep, everything, graduation

posted by Zuska @ 11:53 AM 7 comments

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

We Have Snow!

Alright, so it's just a dusting. Leave me alone - I'm trying to find a moment of happiness here.

I got up at 5 this morning, and went for a run, in the snow. I thought it would be beautiful and peaceful and invigorating. It was everything I imagined EXCEPT peaceful. Why? Because the little layer of snow under my sneakers kept going "crunch, crunch, crunch" and it was honestly a wee annoying.

Last week was absolutely frigid (13 degrees BEFORE windchill), so I skipped running most days. I went during the day (when it got up to a damn-near tropical 27 with windchill of 13) over the weekend, but today was the first time I woke at 5 in a while. I can do it IF and only IF I put my alarm clock across the room. Problem being that I have been sleeping with earplugs in, to drown out the snores of my Beloved, and I don't always HEAR the alarm clock when it's across the room. Fortunately, Beloved does not sleep with earplugs in, so he can grunt and kick at me, and then I get out of bed.

I typically am pretty damned busy at work. Yesterday, for example, I was supporting an attorney who had to leave for a hearing at 1:15 p.m. I was working on that, and in the meantime, fielding new assignments and having "quick meetings" with partners and other associates on projects I'd finished or was about to take on. Before I knew it, it was 1:58, and I realized I'd been hungry for some time. But that was the first chance I had to look at teh clock, let alone eat.

Today, however, I'm working on a few projects that are longer term, and have little pressure. I also got up at 5 a.m. and went running. I think that those two things converged to make me RAVENOUS before noon. I mean, STARVING. I did have breakfast (Beloved made me a blueberry smoothie -- mmmm), and a fruit snack (a grapefruit), and a latte this morning. That's more than I usually have. Yet hunger took over.

Fortunately, we had some FANTASTIC leftovers (beloved's spinach eggplant lasagna). I had them yesterday for lunch, and again today. God, that thing was good. It was definitely the best version of this particular meal that he's made. Mostly because it kept its form like a true lasagna, and the thinness of the eggplant made me really feel like I was eating noodles.

But I'm NOT eating noodles. Not this month. Because when I don't eat noodles, or white potatoes, or processed flours in general, I shrink. Historically. I'm in the mood to shrink.

And YES, I played a video game this past weekend. Geez. You'd think I had ... I don't know ... went and worked on a Republican campaign or something, for all the "ooh, zuska's got a secret" hubaloo over there. It's a fun little game - like the Super Mario Brothers of my childhood. What I need is more time where I am home and the kids are not - so I can be a hypocrite in private!!

I love the way, too, that my darling beloved mentioned not a word about the fact that HE was the one who brought the damned video game into the house (well, the Playstation), and that a couple of weeks ago, it was him who played "Parappa the Rapper" with the girls for HOURS on end. HOURS. Until I came into the room and said, "um, this isn't going to be our whole day, is it?"

So it's his fault.

I also read a book. I read the Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards, for my book group. I found that it dragged a bit over misery in the middle of the book, but I really liked the last 1/4th, and recommend the book. I am thinking of suggesting either The Night Watch by Sarah Waters or The Emperor's Children, by Claire Messud. Both recommendations are kind of cheating, because they are books I've started, and didn't have the time to follow through and finish, because of a combination of doing work at home, getting sucked into perusing the internet with my precious few kid-free evening moments, or reading book group books. So if I can make the books that I want to read BE those book group books, well, isn't that two birds and just one rock?

I was thinking, however, that my books recommendations may just secure my place as the baby of the group. Everyone in the group has a kid who is in e.'s grade. Some have younger kids as well, some have older, some have both. But regardless of the kids, I am the youngest in the group by at least 7 years. I am 34, and the next youngest is 41. These books I'm recommending? The main characters of both are 30-somethings. The two books I've read with the book group thus far cover a span of years - they take the reader through the different stages of families. Both of mine are wandering younger folk - not yet with families (I know this, because as I said, I've started both).

Although, I know they read Persepolis I and II, and the main character of those was a kid.

I think I'll recommend them, and see what happens. The Emporer's Children was right alongside The Memory Keeper's Daughter on the New York Times Best of 2006 list. [Actually - I was wrong. The Memory Keeper's Daughter isn't there. I thought it was ....]

In the meantime, since we don't meet until next Thursday, I'm going to follow in my daughter's footsteps, and read Eragon. She enjoyed it so much, she refuses to see the movie. She said she heard that compared to the book, the movie stinks, and so she's not interested.

Speaking of book-to-movie ... I read Little Children over the summer, and I pretty much hated it. I didn't find any of the characters to be likable, and more importantly, I didn't find them believable. I found the affair to be ridiculous and not genuine. For that reason, I thought I'd never see the movie. But now Kate Winslet is getting nominated for her role, and I'm wondering if perhaps it's one of those books that should have gone straight-to-screenplay (in my opinion, of course)? I think I'll try and see it. I really like Kate Winslet.

Labels: everything

posted by Zuska @ 12:43 PM 0 comments

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