Showing posts with label Happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy. Show all posts

Sunday, April 07, 2013

Back from Rome: Our Caricatures

Just got back from our "winter" holiday in Rome (yeah, officially it's spring already but it's considered our allocated winter holiday from work LOL!). One of the highlights was having our caricatures done. I had been dying to have it done since years ago, but hadn't had a chance to do so. While strolling along one of the streets in Rome, we happened to pass by a group of artists. Some of them were merely selling their artworks (scenery pics of Rome), but some of them drew portraits or caricatures (they had prepared a few chairs as well as a few displays of their art). I was very interested 'coz they had put up big price lists and I thought that they were pretty reasonable.

There were perhaps around 10 artists doing that in that particular place at that time and only two of them weren't busy. R2 was at first doubtful (I don't think it ever crossed his mind to have such a thing done LOL!) and while we were talking about it in front of the empty chairs, the artist came over to ask if we'd like something done. R2 was wondering if it would be better to have our portraits done, but I told him that it'd be more fun to have our caricatures done instead. When we asked about the prices, though, R2 quickly became sure he wanted to have our caricatures done LOL!!!! The price per portrait is €30, but if the both of us wanted to be in it, then it'd be €40. A caricature costs €10 and it'd be €20 for the both of us. The sign said that it'd take around 10 minutes per face, so we agreed and down we sat!

There were many onlookers all around, so it was kinda unnerving that we had to pose in front of him. First he told me to look a little bit to the right (my right) and then he told me to smile. I had to keep that position until he was done. After that he told R2 to do the same thing. I was REALLY tempted to take a video clip of what he was doing with R2, BUT I didn't want to ruin the surprise. I wanted to look at it together with him without knowing what it would be like LOL!!! But I did take these pics while he was doing R2's caricature. :-D




And here's the final product. We're both VERY pleased with it. :-D I think he captured our inner selves very well. :-D


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Highlight of Our Vienna Trip

*cross-posted with my IF blog*

The highlight of our Vienna trip was actually the conversation we had with a mutual friend. This woman came to Sodankylä a few years ago and then went back to her home country. Back then we used to hang out every now and then and chat about anything. When she lived here, I was in the throes of TTC, so I shared with her our hopes and dreams.

So naturally after not having met for years, she asked us about baby program. She also told us that she had just started talking about having kids with her boyfriend. So I shared with her what we had experienced until we ended up with our decision to surrender to a life without kids. 


She asked about adoption and I explained to her our decision. I didn't take it the wrong way 'coz I know she cared. Actually, sharing what I know about adoption and the maximum age difference between the parents and the adopted child made her think. She's now at my age when we started TTC, so she wants to learn more about her options IF for some reason the natural way doesn't work (though I hope it'll work well for her).


What really touched me and made me happy was the fact that she asked R2 about his job and life and R2 said, "I'm happy." It's one thing to hear from your spouse that he's happy, but it's a different thing to hear him say to someone else that he's happy in life. The unsaid words are "even without kids". :-D So I'm THANKFUL for this memory.  



Wednesday, December 07, 2011

3BT: Random Days

1. An old woman looking so happily surprised to see me at work. She said, "Oh, I haven't seen you in a long time. I'm GLAD you're still working!" ---> Honestly I don't even remember her, but I'm HAPPY to hear that she's SO happy to know that I'm still working in the same place. :-D

2. Free youtube exercise video clips. They really help me in doing different types of exercises when I'm bored with the exercise routines I've been doing.

3. Fast and reliable internet access that enables me to watch those said youtube video clips.

4. Receiving this lovely homemade Christmas decoration present from a friend.



5. More snowwwww!!! And the weekly temperature forecast showing below 0'C even during the day! :-D

6. Watching two squirrels playing in and around the branches of a tree.

7. Cleaning up the snow from the yard. There's something so serene about doing that in the middle of Winter Wonderland.



8. Lovely lovemaking - plus the fact that hubby just knows what to do TENDERLY! :-D

9. Watching "While You Were Sleeping" again that made me feel mushy mushy inside. :-D

10. Hubby buying pizza so that I didn't have to cook he he he he...It's nice not having to cook sometimes. :-D

11. Putting up Christmas lights. (Yep, the picture below #7 is the close-up look of the Christmas lights below)


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bandung, Singapore, Sodankylä

Having lived in Sodankylä for around 1,5 years and THEN go back to the big cities, I find myself feeling new emotions.

Let me share some statistics first so that you get a better idea, OK?

Sodankylä - population density:
0.8 inhabitants per km².

Bandung - population density (2004): 14,976 inhabitants per km².

Singapore - population density (2008): 6,489 inhabitants per km².

In 2000, I went to visit Singapore for 6 days. Back then I still lived in Bandung. When I was in Singapore back then, all I felt was AWE since the country was SOOOOOO clean and everybody was SO swift and efficient.

Last October, when I went to Singapore, at first I still felt the awe about the cleanliness and the efficiency, but after some time, I felt that they were all SO rushed! After 2 days, I wanted to yell, "Calm down, everybody! Why are you all in such a hurry? Why don't you stop and smell the roses?"

I just felt agitated by the fact that everybody was such in a hurry to go here and there, especially around the MRT area. Boy oh boyyyy...



You should understand that here in Sodankylä, the LONGEST queue at the supermarkets here is probably ONLY SIX people at one go. Usually when I go to any supermarket, there are only 2-3 people in front of me...and the supermarkets aren't even big!!!

So it seems that I'm getting used to living in a small village, since even when we went to Rovaniemi last Saturday, I felt slightly frustrated already when we tried to find out where we could park the car and for how long we could park it there. It reminds me of the time when we went to Pori last July and R2 and I went downtown on our own. We had to turn round and round and round and round just to find a parking space that fit our schedule.

It seems to me that in big cities, it's SO easy to lose time since there're more and more people, less space, more traffic jams, so it DOES make sense that people are more in a hurry in big cities...it's really getting to my nerves after some time. I felt SUCH a relief when we got back to good old Sodankylä.




What's the point of this post? Nothing. Just to share my experience he he he he...R2's second brother went to Tallinn in Estonia the other week and he said to us, "There were SOOOO many people there and I felt choked. I felt as if I wanted to shoo those people away since I had so little space!!!"

I understood his words completely. We're too used to having so much space here in Sodankylä that the big city overwhelms us if we stay there too long. In each place we stay, there are good and bad sides. But it's funny to know that I used to think I wouldn't survive in such a small village since I was used to the city life filled with malls and plenty of theatres and factory outlets...I'm GLAD I can really fit in here, not just for my sake, but also for R2's sake...since if I'm unhappy here, it'll make him unhappy, too. :-))))


Monday, June 02, 2008

I'm A Lazy Blogger!!!

It seems I've been so lazy in blog-hopping or blogging these days. I don't know why. Maybe just not in the mood he he he...

Well, today I'm SO happy 'coz I've won one bid in ebay. Yesterday my brother told me that he'd love to get an Arsenal T-shirt of one of his fave players if I could find it in Finland. I immediately browsed online and found several sites, but turned out that everything was MUCH more expensive if I bought it elsewhere (rather than ebay, I mean).

Yesterday evening I started bidding for one particular signed T-shirt, but alas, I lost in the end since there was another bidder who really wanted that shirt and kept on raising his bid. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR he he he he...

So today I was determined NOT to lose, even though I had a certain budget in mind and I wouldn't go over that budget. *GRIN* I saw one bidder already this morning and there was about 4 and a half hours left to bid, so I instantly put my maximum bid there with the hope that nobody would outbid me HE HE HE HE HE HE...

After lunch break, I checked it again and turned out I WOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!! Another bidder lost by 11 cents HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI...



I sent an SMS to my brother right away and he was SO happy! At first he asked me how much it cost 'coz he wanted to pay for it, but I told him not to bother as I was the one who asked first what he wanted me to bring, anyway.

It feels FANTAAASSTIIIIIIICCCCCCC to get a GREAT bargain and make somebody else happy HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...



And today I TRULY want to thank GOD 'coz I've got enough money to buy that shirt for him. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



OK, now time for me to make some burger steaks and I'll blog-hop tomorrow he he...

Friday, April 18, 2008

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!!

Why am I happy? Let me count the ways and be thankful for each and every one of them.





1. Today I received my passport back. I sent it last Monday to the Indonesian Embassy in Helsinki to report myself. Why do I need to report myself? Well, one other reason other than the obvious is that once I've reported myself, my new address is now written at the back of my passport, so when I fly back to Finland, I don't have to pay 1 million rupiah tax at the airport HUE HE HE HE HE HE HE...Plus I'm RELIEVED that the passport has arrived safely HE HE HE HE HE...

2. Because of reason number 1, I can use the money to go to a SPA in Bandung in October HUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...I'm gonna pamper myself in Bandung. *WIDE GRIN*

3. My new book's arrived (Jostein Gaarder's Maya). Hubby asked me if I wanted to buy a book since he wanted to order something online, so I picked one. I still have many other unread novels, but I just love stacking them up to read in the future ho ho ho ho ho ho...

4. My Brit friend and husband and teacher have told me that I may be able to teach Finnish to foreigners later in the future. It's something I'm considering seriously, since I think I'd love to do something like that. ;-D I know it'll take me years to be able to be as good in Finnish (compared to my English knowledge), but I'm in no hurry. ;-D

I'm THANKFUL for their encouragement and support.

5. Tonight we were supposed to go to the bars with hubby's brother and girlfriend, but they cancelled it. I don't mind that since it means I have plenty of spare time to relax (read comics or do whatever I want to do today) ho ho ho...

6. Seeing hubby's SATISFIED GRIN as I tucked him to sleep on the sofa just now.

7. Hubby bought pepper steak for us HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO...I LOVE pepper steak! ;-D




8. A little while ago while hubby was doing something in front of his computer, I went over to smother him with kisses and I noticed that between the pages of his notebook, there was my Post-It Note from the day when he was sick and he had to stay home while I went to my Finnish course. I left him the note before I went to the course. I LOVE the fact that he keeps it safe, even though it's just a Post-It note. ;-D

9. Today's been wet again. It rained water for a while. I don't mind that since it means that the ice isn't slippery. That means that I'm SAFE from falling HO HO HO HO HO...

10. Cleaning up hubby's ears with a special tool from Indo. I LOVE cleaning up his ears ha ha ha ha ha...Sounds gross, eh? ;-D

11. My class is going to visit the Gold Mine next Friday. I've never been there before, even though I've lived in Finland for a little over a year. And it's FOR FREE since the company who organizes the course is paying for that. YIIIIPPIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!! I'm gonna bring my digicam to take pics. ;-D

12. The other day when I walked home, I noticed something very cute: as the snow was melting and water was running fast to the drain all over the village, three birds were cleaning themselves up in the running water nearby my apartment building. What a sight!!! I even stopped to watch them. Mmmm...

13. Spring is comiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg!!! And lately here in Sodankylä, the day is longer than the night (17 hours versus 7 hours). YEEEESSSSS!!!

14. This conversation:

Me: Am I demanding?
Hubby: Sometimes. (smile)
Me: What? When?
Hubby: No comment.
Me: Okaaayyyy...does it bother you, then?
Hubby: No.
Me: GOOD! (BIG grin)




Other than those, here are other things I'm thankful for:

1. My family, husband, husband's family, and friends. They're always so supportive, understanding, and kind to me.

2. My blogger friends. Without them, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. ;-D

3. Peace of mind.

4. Being able to sleep well at nights.

5. My health.

6. Enlightenment.

7. Wonderful food, tasty snack, and refreshing water.

8. People's thoughtfulness (strangers or non-strangers alike).

9. Open doors and closed doors.

10. Love, hope, and farts. *GRIN*



*START COPY*

In order to be able to achieve and maintain happiness we need to, actively, be able to do two things:
  1. Complain and then let go (Dump the baggage, the roadblocks to happiness.)
  2. Openly Express Gratitude (The open expression of gratitude promotes happiness.)
After all, everyone has something to be grateful for and/or something to complain about. If you would like to accept the challenge, please follow the appropriate link and do so: "Are You Grateful?", "Complain Complain Complain."

Contributors to "Are You Grateful?" & "Complain Complain Complain" are: 1-Attitude, the Ultimate Power 2-Max 3-DianaCA's Metamorphoses 4-Mental Poo 5-My Thoughts 6-Baba Doodlius 7-Wake Up America 8-Life is a Roller Coaster 9-Life and Me 10-pinay mommy's love blog 11-My Happiness Haven 12-And Life Goes On for a Filipino Mom 13-Blessed Sanctuary 14-Expressions And Thoughts 15-Memories by Jenn 16-Reminiscence of My Adventures 17-In the Life of Mne 18-Juliana's Lair 19-Pinay Wahm 20-Lucid Creativity 21-Winged Words 22-Irresistible Fascinations 23-A Little Time 24-See Me For What You Will 25-Greatest Reviews 26-ETC ATBP 27-Gandacious 28-We Are Family 29-Journey to this thing called LIFE 30-www.rajeshrana.net 31-www.rajeshrana.com 32-BaReFooTeD Me 33-Uncomplicated 34-Points of View 35-Pride & Prejudice 36-Colorful World 37-Nora's Notes 38-A Daily Walk With Bill & Gina 39-Strange but True 40-Everything Under The Sun ( Beth Rebokon ) 41-Kaleidoscope 42-Fil-Oz Blog 43-By Osc@r Luiz 44-Comedy Plus 45-Blogging by Sandee 46-Soul Meets World 47-Mae's Memoirs 48-Beyond the Rave Reality 49-Amori, poesie, arte, chat by Hanna 50-Attached at the Hip 51-Carver's Sight or is that Site? 52-Empress Reviews 53-Simple Pleasures In My Heart 54-Lourdes' mia 55-A Grateful Heart 56-Majorsleepyhead 57-Scrappy n Happy in Ohio 58-CHOC MINT GIRL 59-Extraordinary Things 60-ZOOROPAZOO 61-BeNolSatuEm 62-As The World Turns 63-Your Caring Angels 64-Life Is Wonderful To Know Everyday 65-Sugar Magnolias 66-Little Peanut 67-Creative In Me 68-Me and Mine 69-Pea in a Pod 70-the diary of the Pink & Brown Wedding 71-good thoughts, good trades, good life 72-My Blog - all things me 73-Rainbows 74-Little Corner of Mine 75-Me, Myself and I 76-My Planet Purple 77-Amel's Realm 78-A Handful of Surprises 79-A Detour 80-Something Purple 81-Vanity Kit 82-Are You Grateful? 83-A Simple Life 84-BlogTips.Com 85-Balitang Kalye 86-Mariuca 87- Emila Yusof 88-A Total Blog 89-My Life in this Wonderful World 90-MommyAllehs 91-Things That Suck 92-A Mother's Stuff 93-Princess Vien 94-My Inner Thoughts Revealed 95-Roxiticus Desperate Housewives 96-Apples Of The Eyes 97-Nita's Random Thoughts 98-Nita's Corner 99-Thomas Digital Services 100-A Mother's Thoughts101-Meltwater. Torrents. Meanderings. Delta 102-My Perfect Escape 103-Vanidosa. Marie 104-Confessions of a Supermodel Wannabe 105-Lynda's Loft 106-Listening..Learning..Living 107-LadyJava's Lounge 108-The Painted Veil 109-Poeartica 110-Maryannaville 112-CARPE DIEM 113-Turn-u-Off 114-asian mutt international 115-Petty Ramblings of a Petty Queen 116-LIFE IS A ROLLER COASTER 117-AZZY'S BLOG-A-ROONIE! 118-glad to be here 119-WilStop 120-Dare to Blog 121-WebGeek Journal 122-Foster Me Up 123-This is My Life 124-124-DaveylynneDR 125-Life Realities 126-aNgRiAniWorld Dot Com 127-All That Matters 128-My Inspiration Sharing Land 129-Hidup Biar Sedap 130-Mutiara Hati 131-EM Muhammad 132-I Digress 133-Mapped Memories 134-Working It 135-Startin' A New Life too, 136-Little Secret 137-FEEL FREE to Express Yourself 138-iAM-Mai 139-SOLOFLIGHT 140-BLACKNICKEL 141-NEUROPATCH 142-EMJEI SAYS 143-Big Money List 144-daily information 145-TRCoach 146-LOVE YOUR LIFE! 147- INSTANT MESSAGES 148-MEME ME 149-mEldita's untamed world 150-mEldita's uncensored life 151-i.MEL.dific 152-SNAPSHOT 153-DAILY STOCK PICKS 155-Pet's Garden Blog 156-Ketuk_angel Weblog 157-Laketrees 158-WannaSmile 159-YOU


*END COPY*

Sunday, March 16, 2008

One Year Anniversary

Vince wants to know about my impression on my life after having lived here in Sodankylä for one year. Yesterday I went to Rovaniemi, so I didn't have time to write something special about my one year anniversary in Finland he he he...

Let me just copy and paste his questions as they'll help me write down this post hi hi hi...

Amel, you've been in Finland a whole year now. What are your views about that? Are you happy? Do you miss Indonesia, is it hard to be away from your family for such extended periods?


First of all, when I first moved to Finland, as I'd told you in my older post, I got scared on the plane and I started thinking of all the bad and worse and worst possibilities of life. So, for that matter, my expectations were very low when I arrived and that has made a GREAT difference to me. I had read many different points of view about living in Finland in Finland Forum (a forum for expats in Finland), so I just kept my mind open about everything. The result? I can honestly say that I'm MUCH MUCH MUCH happier than I thought I could be, particularly since I didn't expect anything.

I have GREAT in-laws and I get along well with Arttu's brothers and sister-in-law. I've met MANY thoughtful people here and now I've got WONDERFUL friends. I NEVER thought that there would actually be a Finnish course opening here, especially a full-time course, so that made me ELATED!!!





I had NEVER thought that I could go back to Indonesia this fast, so I'm VERY THANKFUL for that. Plus it makes me feel 10000 times more THANKFUL to know that I'm making my family SO HAPPY about my return to Indonesia this fast. ;-D When I moved to Finland, I had told my Mom that I wouldn't know when I would be able to return to Indonesia and she knew that.

Since I never thought that I could go back to Indo, my self-defense mechanism had kicked in VERY strongly even before I landed on Finnish ground. That means that I had blocked a huge part of myself so that I wouldn't miss my family and Indonesian food too much. A friend of mine told me the other week that she was surprised that I had actually done that, but what's the use of letting yourself miss something or someone too much when you don't even know when you can meet that person or eat that food again, right? It's better just to enjoy what you can enjoy and not think of the things I cannot have. There are prices you have to pay for every choice you make and I had made my decision. Thus I have to live with the consequences.

Is it hard being away from my family? Yes and no. It's particularly difficult when there's family trouble or when one of them is gravely ill. I can't be there physically for them and I can't help them out physically. I was really sad when my Dad got symptoms of stroke last year and when he suffered from post power syndrome that made him snap on my Mom since he got so defensive and sensitive to whatever she said. Glad to say that my Dad's been MUCH better these days.

In a way, though, I'm HAPPY to have my own place which I had longed for more than a little while. I guess you could say that I was ready to spread my wings and fly from my nest he he he...;-D So I'm GLAD to be away from my family with a very calm and understanding hubby he he he...



glitter-graphics.com


My views about Finland? Hmmm...I had never actually been in Sodankylä prior to moving here, so again I had NO idea how I'd react to it. The first month was rough since I felt like a fish out of water...but then it slowly got easier and easier as I knew my way around. I first thought that I might not like living here since I had lived my whole life in a big city where malls were everywhere...but GLADLY that's not true. ;-D

I've LOVED other aspects of this village that I can't possibly find in Indo: fresh air, no traffic at all, snow, reindeer, birds singing happily all the time, cute squirrels, the many variations of colours in the sky, Midnight Sun, drinkable tap water that tastes SO GOOD, trees, lakes, rivers, sauna, cider, reindeer meat, not having to iron clothes, not having to hang clothes to dry outside, not having to worry whether the apartment's roof's going to leak or not, not having to be overly cautious and alert whenever I go out for fear of pickpockets and whatnots, serenity (this is definitely not a noisy place), no cockroaches (my mortal enemies!!!), no rats, no ants, no smoking inside houses or buildings, sky stretching miles and miles away that makes me feel that this world is TRULY vast, free courses (they're not only free, but we also get paid!!! In Indonesia, usually what's "free" is either yucky or it comes with some strings attached).

I'm not going to count the aspects of this village or country that I dislike since it won't do me any good, but I guess I can share just one particular thing he he he...One thing is dislike is when the snow melts and then turns to ice. It's SO slippery and I'm SO afraid of falling down and breaking my bone(s). Arttu had fallen on ice once and twisted his arm (gladly no broken bone). My Brit friend MC had also slipped on ice and broke her arm. And as you probably know, my mother-in-law also slipped on ice last December and her ankle had to be put on cast. Since she's old, even until now she still feels some pain when walking without cast.

Anyway, one of the highlights of my year is of course BLOGGING. I don't think I've EVER learnt and re-learnt so many lessons in the course of a year before I moved to Finland. Being outside my safety zone is reason enough to learn more things, but another reason is learning from my blogger friends' lives. If you wanna read again the lessons I've learnt and re-learnt this year, just click on the link.

OK, I think this post is long enough. Last but not least, I'd just love to THANK all my blogger friends who have really been enriching my life with all your stories, comments, feedback, input, questions, and reflections.

You are my TRUE friends and teachers...
I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!
HUGSSSSSSSSS!!!!!








Sunday, January 13, 2008

3BT: Saturday, January 12, 2007

1. Being woken up by hubby since sleepyhead me kept on sleeping. He woke me up with a very warm smile on his face and giggly eyes. Yeah, his eyes were giggly HA HA HA HA HA HA...

2. Helping hubby cleaning up snow around my in-laws' yard. Quite an exciting and fun exercise for me! (I'll upload the video clip of hubby doing it later on, OK?)

3. Mother-in-law coming out of the house when she found out I was cleaning up snow to lend me her warmer gloves HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...

4. Being entertained by the music of nature while cleaning up the snow: the BIRDS singing for me!!!! FREE entertainment!!!!! In the stillness of the snowy yard, with the birds singing while I burned some calories....mmmmmm....it was MAGNIFICENT! ;-D

5. Listening to hubby and mother-in-law debate over the colour of a towel HA HA HA HA HA HA...Hubby kept on insisting that it was brown, whereas mother-in-law said that it was light purple HI HI HI HI HI...It was FUNNY 'coz I understood the WHOLE thing! ;-D

6. Salted smoked reindeer eaten with my fave bread HUE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...ABSOLUTELY YUMMY!!!!!!!

7. One of my closest friends writing this YM message to me: "Say hi to Arttu. We thank him for having made Amel feel happy and cherished. That way we don't have to worry about her." AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...

8. Relaying the above message to hubby via YM messenger and hearing him say: "You're welcome." HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...My heart's SO full of love!!!


Sunday, December 30, 2007

Romance Is In the Air

Love and romance. Two inseparable subjects. The other week hubby told me that his second brother would move to his girlfriend's place here in Sodankylä soon. He dares taking that step since he can't stand being apart from her any longer (he's currently living in Pori, about 12 hours away by car from here).

When he was coping with a break up last summer, he told me that he didn't believe that he would ever be lucky in love. He had gone through plenty of break-ups already and the last one was painful since the woman didn't even explain to him what had happened. She had just simply stopped accepting his calls or replying his SMS. Cruel, isn't it?

Anyway, his current girlfriend has actually been his best friend for over 20 years, but through some twists of life, they had never really been a couple. That's one reason why I was SO happy when they got together. It was clear to me that they got the chemistry already. After all, they have been BEST friends! I wish him ALL THE BEST in this current relationship. I wish him many many more happy years to come. One challenging thing would be finding a job in this little village, but when God opens doors, nobody can close them, right? I hope he'll find one sooner, not later.

I love love stories, don't you? It's just funny sometimes how life brings two people together. I also know one person who used to "hate" a guy in High School actually ended up marrying him. In that particular case, it's true what they say, I guess, "There's a fine line between love and hate."



Saturday, June 16, 2007

Judge Me If You Think You're Holy

Ever wished someone dead? I did. Twice. It's not something I pride in, but I just want to share it here.

Let me tell you the first time I had that wish. When I was in elementary school, my parents had a joint venture with someone and then the business went worse. They stopped doing the business and then Dad found a job through one of his cousins. This cousin also knew that someone who was my parents' business partner. This cousin gossiped about my Dad to this person and thus this person got mad. This person accused my Dad of such-and-such and then hit his face. At first I didn't understand what had happened. All I knew was that my parents came home crying. It was the first time I had ever seen my Dad cry. After I found out what the problem was, I knew that Dad wasn't crying because of the physical pain, but because of the betrayal, being accused of something he wasn't. I got SO angry at that time so I wished the perpetrator dead. I didn't understand yet that there was a third person who made the perp angry.

The second time I wished someone dead was yesterday. I felt like a total bitch. If you'd read my earlier post entitled "Dad", you'd known that my Dad's changed lately. Yesterday I asked my brother via SMS whether my Dad was still yapping and snapping at my Mom. My brother said that that day he got angry and he snapped at my Mom and made Mom cry (again, for the umpteenth time!). Since I'd always been closer to Mom (sometimes I feel bad for Dad as it seems he can't connect with his kids better than Mom does), there was one second that I felt a HUGE surge of anger. Being a woman, it's so much easier for me to understand Mom's pains. Well, I also know for sure that my brother is on Mom's side, as well. I know it's UNFAIR for Dad, but in a way he makes it hard for us to be on his side (even though he may not be able to help it).

Well, I cried as well because I could just feel Mom's pains. She'd been SO supportive to Dad. I know she has her faults, too, but still she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. NOBODY deserves to be treated that way. Another problem was that Dad couldn't say sorry without raising his voice. He's an emotional man and he sees things black-and-white and I guess his ego also prevents him from saying sorry calmly. I don't get it when I hear this sentence, "Love means never having to say sorry." For me, the ability to say sorry sincerely and calmly is crucial.

Anyway, that second I snapped and I thought that it'd be better if God took away my Dad. Then a second later I felt SO guilty that I prayed to God to take away my anger and to forgive me for having such a morbid thought. The truth is, I know that my Mom'll be able to live happily still without my Dad, but I'm not too sure that my Dad can live happily without my Mom.

I think I've also felt weird these past week ever since I heard the news about my Dad's symptom of stroke. I feel somewhat "guilty" because my life here is going on well and I'm enjoying my time with my husband, whereas my family in Bandung's going through such turmoil and I can't help much except just to pray for them. I feel somewhat bad to my brother as I can't help much, whereas he and his girlfriend had helped me before and on our wedding back in Indo. I feel also "guilty" if I don't enjoy my happiness here as it's God's blessing to me. I also feel guilty because I can't be there for my Mom. How do you feel happy and guilty at the same time? How do you balance the two? Should I feel guilty only when I think of them and then enjoy my life here when I'm not thinking of them? It's a weird mixture of emotions. I just hope that things would be better between my parents. My Dad wasn't always like this. There were times when they could laugh at something together until they both almost peed in their pants. I LOVED those moments so much!

Sigh...I guess this is one of my random posts. I was just thinking today that everybody needs angels. Angels can be in the form of strangers or anybody. A touch/word of grace, a touch/word of love, a touch/word of understanding, someone who listens, someone who cares, someone who makes a difference in your life, someone who enlightens you, someone who shows interest in you, someone who thanks you, someone who pats you on the back, someone who believes in you. Angels...I'm SO GLAD God has put His angels everywhere on earth.