Considering our impact upon others

Considering our impact upon others

Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver

“Why should I care about the impact my actions might have upon others?” some ask. “It’s not my problem. Let them mind their own business!” The Rebbe responds:

Those who don’t behave modestly do not only defy the path of Torah. Their behavior contravenes basic decency, basic morality, and simple common sense.


When one behaves immodestly by exposing a part of the body that ought to be covered, one’s intent is to provoke the evil inclination—the wicked side of the other person.


This does not bring the other person to work better. Nor will it stimulate his mind, and make him smarter. Nor will it improve his character traits by positively affecting the respect he accords to his parents, brothers, or sisters, or even for his own wife. Nor will it influence him to donate more charity.


What is the impact of dressing in violation of the requirements of modesty? If until now, the other person’s wicked side was hidden, or not excited and aroused—one provokes that person and inflames that side.


And then one shares in the [responsibility] for the wickedness of the other person. One doesn’t benefit in any way, because it’s the other person’s wickedness—the other person fulfills his desire, whether through gazing, or in another form. Yet it is worthwhile to do everything, as long as one provokes another person—and not his good side, but his wicked side.


One does damage, may G–d save us, and not only to one’s own Divine Soul, but also to another person, and still another—in fact, to everyone one meets. What an utterly degenerate path—may Hashem protect us.

Sichos of 12 Tammuz, Balak, and 14 Tammuz 5730

(kudos to Rabbi Moshe Wiener, shlita, for sending me the Hebrew original)

Obviously, the principle in the above address applies not only to the realm of modesty.


Everyone has both a good inclination and an evil inclination, two forces that are in constant conflict over the course of our entire lives.[1] Thus, every interaction we have with others can involve either inclination.


Now, we are all blessed with free choice, and so one who chooses to follow his evil inclination can refuse to be allow himself to be positively influenced by a person who is a good influence; conversely, one who chooses to follow his good inclination can refuse to allow himself to be negatively influenced by a person who is a wicked influence.


However, the fact that the recipient of the negative influence chose to succumb to temptation by his or her own free choice does not absolve the influencer of wrongdoing any more than the fact that the recipient of a positive influence chose to accept this influence by his or her own free choice does not divest the one who chose to exert that influence of any reward and credit.


And so the one who brings others to Teshuvah and spiritual growth will be rewarded, while the one who exerts the opposite influence on others will receive the opposite consequence, may Hashem save us.[2]


Moreover, although we all have the ability to choose “life and goodness” instead of choosing “death and evil,”[3] the struggle might be extremely difficult.[4] The foundation of Torah is “what is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow,”[5] Thus, putting another person through such a struggle is not only a sin against Hashem (of course, evil in and of itself), but also a sin against one’s fellow, a fundamental violation of the commandment to love one’s fellow Jew.


Whether we like it or not, our behavior has a powerful impact upon those around us. It will evoke, or at least apply a certain amount of pressure to evoke, one of their inclinations. Which will it be?


_________________________
[1] Cf. Tanya chs. 9, 29.
[2] Cf. Avos 5:18—“One who causes the multitude to be meritorious, no sin will come through his hand. One who causes the multitude to sin is not given the opportunity to do Teshuvah.” Moreover, “One who causes another to sin is worse than one who kills him” (Bamidbar Rabbah 21:4-5) for “Spiritual death is worse than physical death” (Derech Chaim 5a; Igros Kodesh Admur HaRayatz, Vol. 3, p. 520; Likkutei Sichos, Vol. 1, p. 111).
[3] Devarim 30:15.
[4] Cf. Tanya ch. 30.
[5] Shabbos 31a.




Dedicated in the merit of a speedy release for the captives Yonasan ben Malka (Jonathan Pollard), Sholom Mordechai Halevi ben Rivka (Sholom Rubashkin), and Zeva Rochel bas Chaya (Wendy Weiner Runge).



Also dedicated by Rivkah Katz and family lizchus refuah sheleimah for her mother, zol gezunt zein, Ettel Nechama bas Baila.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like what you read? The articles I write take a lot of time and effort. Please contact me to sponsor an article for (at least) $36 in honor of the birthday, wedding anniversary, or yarhtzeit of a loved one, or for a refuah shleimah or the like. Also, see here concerning the tremendous merit of supporting the dissemination of Chassidus, and the blessings that one receives for doing so.

The transformational power of Torah

The transformational power of Torah

Rabbi Yehoishophot Oliver

In the first chapter of the Tanya, the Alter Rebbe describes the various unworthy character traits of the Jew’s Bestial Soul: anger, arrogance, frivolity, depression, laziness, and so on. But then the Alter Rebbe explains that by nature, this soul also possesses certain noble qualities, listing as examples the traits of compassion and the desire to perform deeds of loving-kindness. This is drawn from the Gemara,[1] which states of the Jewish people: “Three signs identify this people: They are merciful, bashful, and they perform deeds of loving-kindness.” But why does the Alter Rebbe omit the quality of bashfulness from his list of traits?

Another question may be asked. The Gemara states: “Why was the Torah given to the Jewish people? Because they are strong-willed.”[2] Rashi comments: “The Torah was given to them so that through consistent study of it, it would weaken the strength [of their evil inclination] and subdue their hearts.” The Gemara then cites the verse, “From His right hand, He presented a fiery law to them,”[3] explaining: “Hashem declared: ‘These people are fit that the fiery law be given to them.’” The Maharsha there explains that because of the Torah’s fiery power, it is fitting for the Torah to be given to them, in order to subdue and humble them. The Gemara then interprets that verse in a different but similar manner: “The nature of these people is fiery, for had the Torah not been given to the nation of Israel, no nation or tongue could withstand them.”

What emerges from this is that since Jews are fiery, audacious, and strong-willed, the fiery energy of the Torah is crucial for them to counter their nature and humble their hearts before Hashem.

So by nature, Jews are very strong-willed—and even more so than non-Jews. (Perhaps this explains the stereotype in the secular world of Jewish chutzpah, insolence.) But, the Maharsha asks,[4] doesn’t this contradict another statement of our Sages stating that Jews possess the quality of shame? He explains that this quality is different from those of loving-kindness and compassion. The Jewish people are not naturally bashful; rather, they acquire this quality by virtue of their consistent Torah study.

Likewise, the Maharsha continues, the verse describes the purpose of the revelation at Mount Sinai: “So that the awe of Him will be on your faces, so that you not sin.”[5] Our Sages explains that “the awe of Him” refers to the quality of being susceptible to shame, which leads to “so that you not sin”—fear of sin.[6] So the awesome phenomenon of the Revelation at Mount Sinai imbued shame before Hashem and fear of sin within the souls of the Jews present, which they then bequeathed to their descendants. This clearly demonstrates that the quality of bashfulness comes to us from the Torah.

This also explains why the Alter Rebbe omits the quality of shame from his list of Jewish traits, for this section of Tanya is devoted to explaining the natural qualities of the Jew’s Bestial Soul. In general, Jews are naturally warm, friendly people. They enjoy doing favors and bestowing hospitality; similarly, they cannot bear to see others in pain, and so they strive to care for the needy, destitute, and downtrodden. Since these feelings comes naturally for a Jew, he or she will typically act in this way even if, for whatever unfortunate reason, he or she is not yet Torah-observant, or is significantly lacking in observance.

Bashfulness, however, which is related to tznius (modesty) may not come naturally to a Jew. On the contrary, by nature Jews are even more chutzpah’dik (insolent) than non-Jews, as mentioned. However, through devotion to Torah, a Jew subdues his Bestial Soul. Then not only will he not behave insolently, but on the contrary, he will rise to a far more advanced level of shame and modesty than non-Jews.

It should be noted that although women are exempt from studying Torah to the degree required of men, Torah will also subdue their evil inclinations:

a. When they study topics in Torah relevant to them, as Jewish law requires of them;[7]

b. When they encourage their menfolk to learn Torah, as the Gemara states: “How do women acquire the merit of Torah? By bringing their sons to school to learn Torah and by allowing their husbands to learn in the Beis Midrash, and waiting for them to come home.”[8]

Likewise, it appears that although all Jews are obligated to fix times for Torah study, baalei esek, those who must be involved in the world in order to earn their livelihood, have a portion in Torah, which helps them subdue their evil inclinations, by supporting Torah scholars.

This awareness of the awesome power of Torah study to keep us “on the straight and narrow” should dramatically change the way we view Torah study. Torah study is not some kind of spiritual luxury, a noble deed, and an act of selfless love and devotion for Hashem. Torah study is the medication for the evil inclination, as the Gemara says, “If this vile one encounters you, drag him to the Beis Medrash [house of Torah study].”[9]

In summary, when the Gemara states that the Jewish people possess the quality of shame and modesty, it is referring to a potential. The intense experience of the Revelation at Sinai imbued within the Bestial Soul of a Jew the potential for consistent Torah study to transform his personality, such that he will excel in shame, modesty, and bittul (submissiveness) before Hashem.

May we all merit that this potential reach full fulfillment within us, and may we succeed at influencing our fellow Jews who need it to do likewise.

Based on Igros Kodesh, Vol. 3, pp. 9-10.

_______________________________
[1] Yevamos 79a.
[2] Beitzah 25b.
[3] Devarim 33:2.
[4] Chiddushei Aggados on Yevamos ibid.
[5] Shemos 20:17.
[6] Nedarim 20a.
[7] See The Laws of Torah Study in Shulchan Aruch Admur HaZaken, ch. 2.
[8] Berachos 17b.
[9] Kiddushin 15a.

This post was dedicated by Reb Kasriel ben Yehudis and Chana Feige bas Reizl (my parents, tzu langeh, gezunteh, zisseh yoren) in honor of their 36th wedding anniversary. This post was also dedicated by Reb Menachem Kovacs, who requested that this message be attached:

"Zachor: to mark the 6th anniversary of the expulsion of the Jews from Gush Katif and the Northern Shomron; we continue to pray and work for their restoration and for the Ge'ula Shlayma. Thank you."

Like what you read? The articles I write take a lot of time and effort. Please contact me to sponsor an article for $36 in honor of the birthday, wedding anniversary, or yarhtzeit of a loved one, or for a refuah shleimah or the like. Also, see here concerning the tremendous merit of supporting the dissemination of Chassidus, and the blessings that one receives for doing so.

The Rebbe on Co-education

Although the Rebbe’s directives below that children should not attend mixed schools should be obvious to one and all, I believe it is “a Mitzvah to publicize” because I have observed that these directives are in some cases neglected:

Great caution in gender segregation is praiseworthy

Concerning your question whether to establish a girls school in [the city of] Michnaz, this is certainly proper, and not just in Michnaz, but also in other places. However, one must be particular that they not be together with the boys. This means that not only should the boys and girls not learn in the same classroom, but the school should be built such that each gender enters and leaves from a separate entrance. Furthermore, it is preferable that the two schools be housed in separate buildings and streets, for the greater the caution in such matters, the more one is praiseworthy.

Igros Kodesh, Vol. 6, p. 33.

All schools require segregation

I emphasised that my demand for the principle of segregation in Chabad institutions is not exclusive to Chabad institutions, but my opinion is clear that the same applies to all schools. In this lowly, orphaned generation this is not merely a religious question but also one of ethics and modesty in the most simple sense. This can be seen in the institutions where this principle is not practised, where the disastrous consequences have increased to such an extent that despite every effort to conceal them and prevent unpleasant publicity, from time to time they break out and become communal knowledge.

Igros Kodesh, Vol. 14, p. 434.

Single-sex education is equally necessary for non-Jews

... This is not a matter exclusive to the Jewish religion, (although that alone should be more than enough) for in recent years gentiles have also begun to see the harm of mixed schooling. The alarming situation is well known to the teachers of these schools, but for understandable (though unacceptable) reasons it is hushed up. In any case, since ultimately the main thing is to fix the actual situation, [in your case] this matter could be approached differently. By increasing the number of students there will be a need [for a division of classes and] a new teacher, or at least an assistant teacher, and it is possible that if they sense that one is aiming for segregation, and for the above reason [i.e. the need for a division of classes], they will turn a blind eye to the true reason, for there will be an opening for an honourable retraction.

Igros Kodesh, Vol. 16, p. 284.

Single-sex education is an universal ethical and educational imperative

In reality, segregation is not merely a question of religion, but also an ethical and even an educational one, to which the heart readily consents, for the staggering devastation caused by co-education is well-known from an ethical and even a basic educational standpoint. The student’s attention is distracted from his studies, impinging on his academic progress ... With the appropriate and persistent explanation, those who have the ability to correct this matter can surely be convinced to do so ...

A man is compared to a tree. Just as even a tiny scratch in a soft sapling can cause a deformation in a large tree, so is it with a child. Thus alacrity is particularly needed in matters of education.

Igros Kodesh, Vol. 17, p. 29.

Segregation should begin from the youngest age

... It is primary and important that I see that your work is dedicated to educating girls in particular—meaning to say that you maintain with all firmness necessary the segregation between boys and girls in their education.

Anyone with knowledge of education certainly needs no explanation concerning the most serious importance of such segregation, beginning from the youngest age. For this [segregation] is not only relevant with regard to the obligation of the male and female students to observe Mitzvos, which is related to the ages of Bar Mitzvah and Bas Mitzvah. Rather, it is relevant many, many years beforehand, for the habit of the little boy and girl then becomes their nature in the following years, and so on. This is easy to understand.

Igros Kodesh, Vol. 25, p. 2.

***

Here is an article that proves just how much boys' performance is affected by being around girls (although it is speaking about adults, the same surely applies to teenagers): Women do make men throw caution to the wind, research confirms