Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Monday, September 16, 2013

Paralyzed Perfectionist.

Confession time: I am a mess.

Specifically in relation to my weight and the current state of our home.

Some examples of my internal dialogue for your reading pleasure:
"Man, that bookcase looks awful - there are things piled up in front of it, and the kids shoved some of the books on there backwards, because I can't even read the title on the spine.  I really wish our bookcases were pretty.  But the shelf itself isn't cute, and I don't think I could ever arrange all the stuff to make them look like the ones I see in magazines and on Pinterest.  Sigh."

"I can't believe I just ate that muffin!  I was supposed to go home and have oatmeal.  Sheesh, why do I have no self control?! I clearly have blown the entire day - might as well just finish running all my errands and grab drive-through for lunch."

I have this idea of how things should be in my head, and it seems unattainable, so I basically just throw my hands up. Oh, and whine.  Yes, I *do* get that this is incredibly stupid.  I can work through all the logic, but for some reason I still am having a difficult time actually DOING. It's a ridiculous cocktail of being overwhelmed, guilt that it's gotten to this point, and years of bad habits.  I tend to THINK about things entirely too much rather than just getting to work.  I even hard a hard time sleeping this weekend as I was thinking about the personality types that my husband and I are, and how it affects our family dynamic (FYI: I'm the only introvert in our family.)

This approach is not doing me - or my family - any favors.

I've read countless books and articles about organizing, de-cluttering, and house cleaning schedules as well as diet and exercise plans.  They've added to the aforementioned bookshelf issue ;)

In all seriousness, though, it truly is a struggle for me, and I've been praying about this a lot.  The past two weeks, our pastor has been speaking on "The Plow." Allowing ourselves to be broken and pruned.  The hardness we've developed prevents God from filling us with His Goodness.  No, it's not easy, but very necessary as part of the sanctification process.

I am baby stepping.

As far as the body thing goes, I am working my way through Trim Healthy Mama* and leaning toward adapting many of the principles shared.  I'm only on page 60 and feeling pretty overwhelmed, but I keep telling myself to just do one thing at a time.  And I will mess up - the key is to just.keep.going.  We attended a birthday party yesterday at a pizza place - I had two bites of a slice along with a giant salad.  The Italian buttercream cake was unveiled, and I wanted to do a faceplant in it (while my brain was telling me not to participate in the sugarfest whatsoever) but I chose to have two forkfuls and move on. Baby. Steps.

On the home front, I am setting SMALL goals.  Instead of looking at the entire bookshelf, attack one shelf.  I actually cleaned out my cookbooks last week (and even made $10 selling a few on the yard sale site). Go me!

Do the best you can, with what you have and with what you know NOW.  Repeat.


Image from The Nester, whose mantra is "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." ❤ (and yes, I know that the name should be spelled Schuller, and yes, his theology is screwy, but this quote is spot on).

*I had mentioned this last week, and I promise I really will do a more in-depth post on it soon.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Questioning Liturgy

I was raised in what I would term a fundamental Evangelical church. We had communion and baptisms, along with comfortable traditions (and a very long list of understood "don'ts") and an occasional responsive reading, but no prescribed rituals from church history or written prayers.  I attended public school, but chose a Christian college and even minored in Biblical Studies.

Fast forward twenty + years and 2000 miles: the body where we currently worship isn't devoted to rituals, but there is a nod to them.  Each Sunday, we are "released" by the pastor with a blessing (just a minor twist on closing prayer, right?) We generally take communion once a month, and it is open to anyone who is a Christian.  I see many people crossing themselves after partaking of the Lord's supper (hunched over, hurriedly making the sign that was clearly ingrained in them another time, another place).

And today is Ash Wednesday.  Our church ministry center (rented space in a small strip mall that serves as our office and has a few rooms to be used for Bible study, youth group, etc since we do not have our own building - we meet in a middle school cafeteria on Sunday mornings) is open for Ash Wednesday - come make your way through the prayer stations and get your ash mark.

I don't get it.

I've researched a bit online about Lent, and it seems that it started as a forty day fast (or modified fast, with an emphasis on prayer) leading up to the Most Holy Day, Easter. I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but I don't see it based on Scripture.  Growing up, I had friends who observed Lent, and it was generally a time of "I'm giving something up to make my parents happy."  I see chatter about it on Facebook now, as friends informally poll one another to see what they're doing to make themselves more holy.

That sounds so very cynical - and well, I guess that's where my heart is right now.

I'm currently reading 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker (I'm even doing this as part of a small group study - see what a good Christian girl I am!). I'm also reading the Bible through chronologically. There's some chiseling going on in my heart, and it's uncomfortable.   While reading 7, Day 7 of the Food chapter felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, as I was somehow reading something my subconscious wrote:

I am fluent in Christianspeak and can navigate the (wacky) world of Christian subculture blindfolded.  I can still sing a few Petra songs by heart... I have heard more sermons, talks, messages, and lectures on Christianity than can possibly be impactful... Because of this history, I've developed something of an immunity to sermons... This detachment is clearly not good.  If I cannot be moved by God's delivered Word, I've set myself up as untrainable.  That is some seriously dangerous territory... That critical perspective has to go, too.  Cynicism wreaked some havoc on my gentleness, my humility.

Whoa. She then talks about how many of her "toxic paradigms" were broken apart several years ago, and while many were rebuilt, some were "left in a rubble, never reconstructed or reimagined. The debris proved fertile soil for cynicism."  Yep, I am *so* there. 

So what is the point to all my rambling?  I want to show Christ to my world, but I mess up. Constantly. People have been doing the same for thousands of years - some have left amazing legacies and their writings have become nearly as revered as the Bible, others have caused pain with their devotion to their twisted understanding of Christianity.

Where do I fall on that spectrum?  I feel no calling to write or teach, but I am called to be Christ to my my little family.  All too often, though, my husband and children get the scraps, as I've "ministered" in more visible ways (friends, church). As much as I want to be Christ, I'm often the weary, angry person instead who is ranting about the mess in our world, or even my perceptions about what is wrong in our church body.  It's ugly, and that's not the legacy I wish to leave.

According to miriam-webster.com, liturgy is "a customary repertoire of ideas, phrases, or observances."  Reading it that way, we each have our own personal liturgy.  Mine is changing.  By God's grace, my "customary repertoire" will be seasoned more with grace, and less with selfishness.  More studying God's love letter to His People, and less reading about what others think it says.  More humility (gulp) and less judgment. This is going to be difficult.

Perhaps I need some ashes after all.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

So grateful for grace

What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.

The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.

Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.

But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells—even though you still experience all the limitations of sin—you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!

So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!
Romans 7:15-8:17, The Message (added emphasis mine)

Our pastor spoke on this passage this morning (as part of the the "schism" series.) I need to put this passage on my "Must Read Monthly" list. What a great build-up for Easter, and the reminder of the awesome "resurrection life" that we've received!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Christmas Ponderings

In case you've missed my previous 47 discussions about Santa, we don't "do" the jolly red guy at our house. I know a lot of families incorporate him into their family traditions and that's fine - but I must admit that it bugs me when I see him in a church setting, as it feels like that's crossing the line from a cultural celebration and definitely detracting from Jesus.

Anyhoo, here are two realloy great posts about the Santa issue, both very thought-provoking for different reasons.

The Christmas Conundrum
Of Santa and Jesus

Hmmm... definitely not going to be giving up the Christmas tree ;) But a good reminder not to be driving people away with my legalistic attitude.

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?

My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original. Galations 5:13-26, Message

Friday, June 10, 2011

Friday Funny

A friend had loaned us a couple God Rocks CDs so I could check them out to possibly use in our children's ministry at church. Our kids looooooove music, so of course they happily acted as listening guinea pigs, and I was patting myself on the back as I listened to my kids walk around the house singing scripture - because seriously, that's just awesome, right? And then I really listened to what our son was singing:

"Don't let anyone tell on you because you are dumb"

Ooof! (that's the sound of reality smacking Mommy) Just a reminder that we need to take an ACTIVE role in making sure our kids are learning things properly.

(Sorry about the lousy quality on this video, but you can at least hear the proper song)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday Funny


I'm working on pulling some things together for our church's VBS program this summer - and I happened to come across this in my google searches. Absolutely hysterical... but rather convicting, too.

I'm teaching the preschool class at church, and we've been talking about the Israelites. You know, God's special people who experiences miracle after miracle: the plagues in Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, manna (on a side note, simply gathering my food from the ground each morning would really free up some time ;), water from a rock... Rather than marveling at God's miraculous provisions, though, they took them for granted and complained. A lot. Oh how quickly we *all* (cough, ME, cough, cough) get caught up in our little issues and completely forget how God has proven Himself faithful over and over and over.

The time in the desert may be tough, but I absolutely don't want to go back to Egypt, even if they do have yummy food!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hearts at Home Miraculous Blog Hop



Welcome to this month's Hearts at Home Blog Hop, with the theme of miracles. I've read about a lot of them, and even heard a few people share their amazing stories... but it surely would never happen to me, right?!

When my husband and I were giddy first-time homeowners, we began experiencing some issues with our roof. Turns out that we had layers upon layers of shingles, and whoever had put on the last round had even flashed all the edges so that it appeared that everything was just fine (and the home inspector had not discovered the problem). Anyway, we had taken a big financial leap of faith simply by purchasing the home and were not sure how we'd come up with the money needed for the repairs. It would be thousands of dollars to have it handled professionally; my husband had talked with his dad and several friends and figured that we could do it with their help plus about $1400 in supplies. Still a mighty big number!

We began praying. About a week later we got an unexpected letter in the mail; when I opened it, a $1500 check fell out. I can remember staring at it in amazement. God had provided in a very direct way (even providing an additional $100 for the building permit we hadn't known we needed!) and I still am so thankful and awestruck when I think back to that situation.

God continues to provide for us, although it may not be in such a blatantly "miraculous" fashion... When we had to move to our current location, we were able to sell that home (despite a tough market), and the buyer requested closing the exact date that we'd told hubby's company we'd hoped to head out. Our lives are filled with such stories, reminders that God is not limited by our bank balance, the economy, or anything else.

I'm going to finish with one last story, a reminder that he will not only supply our needs but sometimes even our wants. I have lost a fair amount of weight in the last several months, so my wardrobe is in a bit of a state of limbo. I had a skirt that I loved, an abstract floral with shades of green, blue, and yellow, but it was too large and I reluctantly passed it along. As I was getting ready for church a few weekends ago, I found myself thinking about that skirt and how nice it would have looked with the shirt I was wanting to wear that day. Oh, well! Two days later, I was at the thrift shop, hoping to find a few pairs of capris. As I was walking past the skirt rack, I caught a glimpse of green, blue, and yellow. What?!? I reached for the hanger, and started laughing when I saw that it was my current size. Yes, God had worked a small but very personal miracle just for me... and I'll be wearing that skirt Easter Sunday as we celebrate the much larger miracle that was performed for all of us!



Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Little Blessings


So here we are in the dining area once again. As I'd mentioned before, we'd moved one of the dressers out from our bedroom to use as a sideboard. I'd like to replace the chunky circle legs and paint the whole thing, but hubby isn't on board with that plan (wants to be able to move it back into the bedroom and still match). This house was full of ugly white knobs that I've replaced a little at a time (4 in the small bathroom, 4 off the closet doors, etc.) - which theoretically meant that I had plenty to use to swap out the wood knobs... Problem was that I didn't have 12 matching ones, and everything I liked was $3-4 per knob. Ouch. I still liked the mismatched white varieties better than the wood knobs (again, couldn't paint them - see above :) so went ahead and used 3 different sets, so each "drawer layer" matched.

I had to return some items to Target yesterday, and had an extra 30 minutes, so wandered the store a bit. I spotted some clearance stickers in the aisle with all hooks, knobs, etc. and had to check it out. I found two 4 packs of these great milk bottle style knobs, and was thinking how fabulous they'd be, but of course I needed a dozen. I searched through everything in the area and couldn't find another set. Oh, well. Continued to stroll, and there, on an endcap over in stationery, was another set of the knobs. Wahoo! I snatched it up, and practically ran back to the tools/hardware section to grab the other 2 boxes. I "installed" them this morning, and am loving the difference. I know it's a little thing, but am so incredibly thankful that God provided a small desire of my heart!

* * * * * *
In other news, it's been a crazy weeks/months around our house. Lots of company - which is wonderful, but does add a layer of craziness - plus hubby traveling for work. Things are finally settling back to "normal" but there's still a fair amount of catch-up I need to do, and also just need to re-establish good routines. I 'd been doing really well with the whole weight loss thing, and while I haven't gained it all back or anything, the progress is has been reeeeeaaaaallllllllly slow ever since Christmas, and I'd gotten away from daily food journaling. I am definitely an emotional eater, and I've been stuffing things into my face all too often lately. I've been struggling with disciplining the kids (let's just say attitudes are definitely contagious, and mine wasn't worth catching. Just bein' real.) Our house still feels very disorganized, and I I tend to focus on just how much I still want to change which is overwhelming and discouraging. I heard Geneveieve Gorder from HGTV say something along the lines of, "Living in a junk drawer is exhausting!" and I couldn't agree more - our house need not be immaculate, but each room needs to have its own purpose and flow. I'm trying to just focus on the little steps I can accomplish in a day or so; doing something is better than doing nothing!

I've been spending more time in the Word, which has been incredibly awesome. I'm reading Hebrews, and I'm really enjoying just soaking up the scriptures; I'd realized that while I'd been reading a lot religious books, I wasn't reading THE BOOK nearly enough. I've also been having some really good discussions with a friend; she considers herself a Christian, but many of her ideas about God have been shaped by life experiences and New Age attitudes, rather than Biblical truth. It's been a great experience for me to substantiate my beliefs about Jesus and the character of God!

Speaking of friends, that's another area where I've been struggling. We've lived here 20 months now, and while I've made a few good connections, I still don't have that ring of support that I long for. I've been sensing God's leading in some unexpected places. I've struck up conversations with people who, based on outward appearances, have nothing in common with me. This may seem like a small thing, but I struggle with putting myself out there like that (I guess I've never outgrown that teenage fear of rejection). I've also volunteered for some things - and said no to other things that are more in my comfort zone. I don't know exactly what God has in store for me, but I do know that I'm being shaped and that HE is in control of it all, even when it appears to be a random mish-mash from my end.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Weight Loss Journey (Part 1)

I posted this photo on FB last week - me, 25 pounds lighter and holding a 25 pound bucket o' lard. I have never gotten so many comments on any posting, photo, etc. Obviously it struck a chord.

I've had many people ask, "Oh, what are you doing?" I know I've asked others the same question, hoping they've stumbled upon some magical insight.

Here's my insight: "It's hard work."

I'll be writing this up and my book will be available next year ;)

If I've learned anything in the past 30-odd years, it's that shortcuts seldom work out. I've never been one to eat crazy foods or pop pills in an effort to lose weight, and while I have made half-hearted efforts at altering my diet/lifestyle, I never stuck with it. I had joined Weight Watchers back in 2000 and lost a good chunk, but it crept back on after 2 babies and a variety of other reasons excuses. And while I don't think Weight Watchers is a terrible program, I think that there's too much focus on the whole points system and not enough emphasis on nutrition. I've been using sparkpeople's nutrition tracker, and I've found it to be hugely educational as well as motivating. If you set up a profile and enter your weight goals, it will recommend a calorie range, and you can even use their suggested menus. I pretty much knew where I should be calorically (even though I wasn't actually doing it) but the big thing for me has been seeing actual amounts broken down on carbs, protein, fat & fiber. I know low carb is super trendy and low fat was all the rage 20 years ago, but our bodies are designed to use all those things, and it's so important to provide balance! In one sense, I've actually found it liberating to take control of my food consumption. Let me explain. In the past, if I ate a doughnut I'd usually feel guilty (and of course I'd try to "bury" that guilt by eating more. Sheesh!) Since I've been "dieting" I've eaten 2 doughnuts. Each time I chose to indulge my sweet tooth, but I knew that I was balancing that choice with the other food I was eating that day. Same goes with the occasional fast food burger. I'm making serious, life-long changes... and I'm not about to eat only salad and baked fish every day :)

Another insight: It's not just about the weight. I just finished the Begin With Christ Bible study, and God definitely used that to shake me up. Am I really leaning on Him? Really, truly trusting Him with every aspect of my life? I know God loves me, but for some reason I just felt like He didn't need to be bothered with the physical stuff. I mean, does He really care whether I choose to munch on an apple versus a bag of chips? Can putting down a candy bar be an act of worship? Whose voice am I listening to when I continue eating after I'm no longer hungry? This body may only be a temporary vessel, but I still need to honor Him with it while it's entrusted to me. There are *SO* many verses that I've read in the past couple months that have hit me in a completely different way. The study itself was pretty good, but the time spent discussing it with our group was where I was really encouraged. How awesome to share in the struggles and triumphs with a group of women who are earnestly seeking God! We laughed a lot and shed some tears, too. We've wrapped up this book, but will be starting another in the First Place 4 Health series in January, and I am really looking forward to it. To go along with that, I've had several people remark that they just don't have the willpower. Well, I can unequivocally state that I DON'T EITHER!!! But it's not about me - it's about HIM. I can't do this by myself - but He doesn't expect me to. My Loving Father is there to hold me up when I'm weak, and guide me back when I make a bad decision. I'm so grateful for His grace and mercies that are new every morning...

I have a lot further to go. My clothes are fitting differently, but I don't see a big difference when I look in the mirror. It's not like I've gone from a size 8 to a size 4, know what I mean?! And while I've dropped a substantial amount in the past 12 weeks, I also know that realistically the weight loss will probably not continue at this rate. Logically I'm OK with that, but I know that emotionally it will be a struggle. There will be weeks that the scale doesn't budge; I'm trying not to focus so much on this single number, and think about the bigger picture of health. Every day that I provide proper nutrition for my body means that I'm better equipped for whatever mission God has for me. Every rep with the dumbbells (my mega 2 pound ones!!) means stronger arms to reach out to those around me. The exercise part is still hard for me. I don't like getting all hot and sweaty - I like sitting on the couch and watching TV! Many of the exercises that "experts" recommend for toning involve movements that the orthopedic doctor specifically told me to avoid, but I've managed to find some exercises that I can do. And hey, at least I can now put my pants on without leaning on something for support!

Yes, I still have a long journey ahead of me. I know I've commented before that I don't want to turn this into a weight loss blog, but I do want to share what's going on in my life. Weight is major issue for me, and I know it will be a life-long struggle. Thankfully I am not on this journey alone.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. I Cor 10:31

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

Good Friday

There is only one explanation for God's sacrifice for us. It is not us. It is "the riches of His grace" (Eph 1:7). It is all free. It is not a response to our worth. It is the overflow of His infinite worth. In fact, that is what divine love is in the end: a passion to enthrall undeserving sinners...
-John Piper (from The Passion of Jesus Christ)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Psalm 103 - Amplified

BLESS (AFFECTIONATELY, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is [deepest] within me, bless His holy name!
Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not [one of] all His benefits--
Who forgives [every one of] all your iniquities, Who heals [each one of] all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy;
Who satisfies your mouth [your necessity and desire at your personal age and situation] with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle's [strong, overcoming, soaring]!
The Lord executes righteousness and justice [not for me only, but] for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways [of righteousness and justice] to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel.
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness.
He will not always chide or be contending, neither will He keep His anger forever or hold a grudge.
He has not dealt with us after our sins nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great are His mercy and loving-kindness toward those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father loves and pities his children, so the Lord loves and pities those who fear Him [with reverence, worship, and awe].
For He knows our frame, He [earnestly] remembers and imprints [on His heart] that we are dust.
As for man, his days are as grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it and it is gone, and its place shall know it no more.
But the mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord are from everlasting to everlasting upon those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him, and His righteousness is to children's children--
To such as keep His covenant [hearing, receiving, loving, and obeying it] and to those who [earnestly] remember His commandments to do them [imprinting them on their hearts].
The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His kingdom rules over all.
Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, you His angels, you mighty ones who do His commandments, hearkening to the voice of His word.
Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, all you His hosts, you His ministers who do His pleasure.
Bless the Lord, all His works in all places of His dominion; bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul!

What a great reminder on a Monday.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Book Review - Intimate Conversations

I had the privilege of reviewing Intimate Conversations, the new book from Alicia Britt Chole, which also happens to be the MOPS theme devotional for 2009. When I received it, I thumbed through, reading a few random sentences. And I was hooked. Even in a cursory perusal, I was thinking about my life - and my relationship with my Savior - differently. I liked the way the book was summarized over at christianbook.com: All women need strong relationships but the one that most often gets neglected in the busyness of the day is God himself. In Intimate Conversations, you'll find an encouraging God whose grace does not stop with our imperfection or exhaustion. Amen!

The book is broken out into 12 "Dear God..." sections, and each has 4 or 5 devotionals - perfect to work through in a week. They each open with a little story, and include a key verse and questions for pondering/journaling. They're quick to read, but provide plenty of food for thought, and made me want to dig deeper into my Bible. The "Dear God... I Feel So Unproductive" section really spoke to my heart, and I think it will resonate with stay-at-home moms. A few of my favorite quotes:

  • Abundance may make us feel more productive, but perhaps emptiness has greater power to strengthen our souls. (Ps 1:3)
  • Anonymous seasons afford us the opportunity to establish God as our souls' true point of reference if we resist underestimating how he treasures our hiddenness and take the time to decide whose attention and acceptance really matters in our lives. (Col 3:3)

The book ends with "Dear God... Grant Me Wisdom For This Journey" and the final lesson reminds us to enjoy the journey - for "Life is not about the scenery. Life is all about the Company. God is with us. And his presence is enough."

I can tell you that I am looking forward to reading this again at a more leisurely pace. And I'm definitely going to be checking out her other writings.

Available September 2009 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Kids and Church

"Kids are spending a very small amount of time in church activities, and many of those activities have very little theological, biblical, or spiritual content. As a result, we have a generation of young people who believe that there is a God, but they don’t have any particular god in mind.

We should be exhorting each other, helping each other, equipping each other. Christian young people should be drawn into the church, but not in a way that isolates them with other young people."


Some excellent points - and practical encouragement for parents - here.

A few further thoughts/clarifications:

- I just want to say that it's not the church's responsibility to train the children - that falls squarely on the shoulders of the parents. The church, however, is a valuable partner in reinforcing the teaching that the children receive at home. And realistically, there are going to be times that a child does not want to talk with their parents, and a pastor, youth leader, etc. can help bridge that gap when necessary... we're all one body! (Romans 12:4-10)

- Furthermore, every moment spent inside a church shouldn't be devoted to deep study. God created us as social beings, and fellowship with the believers is essential. Simply talking with someone, learning about their struggles and sharing some encouragement, is one expression of God's love. And doing that in the "safe" environment of the church is one way to establish a strong foundation in Christ - we just have to make sure that we are also comfortable getting out into the world to share the message, too.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Difference between Mom and God

A great post - it definitely challenged my heart this morning. Click here.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Real Meaning of Easter

We had MOPS earlier this week, and our daughter's class made a little craft with jelly beans. As we were driving home, she was telling me that Jesus died on the cross for us. She chatted about this a bit, then paused to do some serious thinking. Her next words: "That must have really hurted."

Leave it to a 4 YO to sum it up so well! But seriously, it was a good reminder for me. I was raised in a church, and Jesus' death is something that I sort of take for granted. But what a wonderful thing to be able to talk about it with our children, to tell them that yes, it did hurt, but Jesus loves us so much that he chose to die.

We talked a bit more, and her final thoughts on the matter are that she is looking forward to living in heaven because then she won't get any more boo-boos ;)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Catch-Up, and an attitude adjustment

So here we are again... Monday. Nearly done with the first month of '09. Holy shnikees! Where has the time gone?!

We've officially started packing. Granted, it's only a couple boxes, but the reality of moving is actually begining to sink in. The process is still slow and painful, with my hoarding nature rebelling at each item being passed along or discarded. There's so much I need to do so we can dig into the deep cleaning, painting, etc. Our new president has been sworn in, and the level of hero-worship is just mind-boggling (did you happen to see this?). I'm afraid our daughter is getting a cold (although her little alien frog voice does make me giggle), and I feel "off" as well. My weight loss has plateaud - probably a little something to do with the fact that I've been snacking incessantly (and then I feel lousy about my lack of self-control... think I'll console myself with half a bag of pretzels!) All in all, I've just been a grump.

So I opened my email today and learned I'd been given The Lemonade Award from my friend Shay: "The concept of the Lemonade Award is quite simple. It is all about finding people that display a great attitude and/or gratitude. In this day and time, that is very important to have."

Smack. Yep, that's the sound of conviction :)

Last week, Amy shared some great insights from a Beth Moore study she's doing. I starred it in google reader so I could go back and read it when I had a bit more time. Well, this morning I took the time, and these few sentences really jumped out at me:

I need to remember that God has me in a position way beyond my capability so that I will be at His absolute mercy, realizing that only He can succeed.....never me - especially in my own strength. Sincerity and sweat will never suffice! Good intentions will always result in failure.

So, so true. An excellent reminder that it's ALL ABOUT HIM. As I was thinking about all this, I puleld out my Bible (something I haven't done often enough lately) and read the last chapter of I Chronicles. David has gathered things for the temple (which he'd wanted to build himself) and the kingship is being transferred to his son Solomon. Frankly, there are some things he could really be whining about, but this time he gets it right:

David praised the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, saying, "Praise be to you, O LORD, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name. But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you." (I Chronicles 29:10-18)

Wow. Now THAT'S the attitude I need to have!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Farewell, 2009

I'm ready for a new year. For our family, these past 12 months will unfortunately be remembered as a time of loss. To top it all off, last night we learned that hubby's sister has been diagnosed with MS. She is a pastor's wife (of a start-up church, no less) and they could really use our prayers right now. Those with MS also have a high risk of becoming depressed (an issue with pretty much any debilitating illness), and unfortunately many of the medications currently being used to treat MS further increase the risk. It's currently affecting one leg and her vision, and they're working to treat those symptoms, but she'll never be back to 100%. Please pray for wisdom for her and her husband as they decide which course of treatment to pursue as well as for the doctors, and that the entire family would find rest in our Lord.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
For his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD...
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men

Lamentations 3:21-26, 31-33


Some great thoughts - and a reminder that each and EVERY day is new - over at Praise & Coffee

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

He Keeps Me Singing

There's within my heart a melody
Jesus whispers sweet and low
Fear not, I am with thee, peace, be still
In all of life's ebb and flow

Chorus:
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Sweetest Name I know
Fills my every longing
Keeps me singing as I go

All my life was wrecked by sin and strife
Discord filled my heart with pain
Jesus swept across the broken strings
Stirred the slumbering chords again

Feasting on the riches of His grace
Resting 'neath His sheltering wing
Always looking on His smiling face
That is why I shout and sing

Though sometimes He leads through waters deep
Trials fall across the way
Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep
See His footprints all the way

Soon He's coming back to welcome me,
Far beyond the starry sky;
I shall wing my flight to worlds unknown,
I shall reign with Him on high.

(by Luther Bridgers)


Well, our plans for yesterday didn't quite work out. Our daughter was running a low fever and just generally mopey, so we stayed home. Since hubby had taken the day off, he hung out with the kiddos while I ran a couple errands by myself. As I was driving between stores, the CD was playing and the words "Fills my every longing, keeps me singing as I go," seemed to bore into my heart. Have I been been willing to give Christ every longing, or I have I been holding onto them tightly and trying to fill them myself?

I came home and did a bit of research into the background of the hymn, and it's generally believed that Mr. Bridgers wrote this hymn shortly after the death of his wife and three sons in a fire. He was only 26 years old, and already experiencing great tragedy. Rather than succumbing to bitterness (which would have been so easy!) he chose to rest in His Savior, and even turned his pain into this encouraging, victorious song, much like It Is Well With My Soul by Horatio Spafford.

I'm not going to be able to keep singing unless I'm being filled... and that means allowing Him full access to all the cracks and crevices in my life. Then, and only then, can I know the peace and joy that allows me to not only get through life, but keep a song in my heart.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Self Control

Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. Proverbs 25:28 (NIV)

This is definitely a big area of struggle for me. I am selfish, and want what I want, when I want. Awfully childish attitude (especially when I spell it out like that), but that's the truth. No, this attitude didn't magically go away when I became a wife and mom. It's getting better, but still much room for improvement. I lack discipline in many areas, and I'm seeing my poor habits manifest themselves in the kids, too.

A few thoughts from Naked Fruit by Elisa Morgan:

"Self-control hems us about, protecting us from losing ground to impatience, bitterness, greed and the like... Self-control is a healthy-mindedness that watches for the holes in the walls of our lives and keeps them patched...

It's never too late to repair the wall. It may seem so. In fact, that's one of the greatest lies in our days: It's too late, it's too big, it's too bad, forget it. But because the fruit of self-control, like all spiritual fruit, is a fruit grown by God in our lives, it's not too late today and it won't be too late tomorrow... He doesn't give up on us...

The holes in our wall are patched when we learn to think truthfully about our lives in a healthy-minded fashion. What's the truth about who I am and what I do and what I want to be? A life that matters is a life connected to God. If I'm connected, I'm growing in the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control - and that reality will grow in me and through me a life that matters."

Honestly, I think self-control is the most neglected fruit (particularly here in America). It's certainly the least fun - we all happily latch on to the ideas of love, joy, peace, etc... but denying our selfish impulses? Whoa!! But I also think it's really interesting to look at the order of the fruits. It all starts with love. Anyone read I Cor 13 lately? If we don't have love, everything else is pointless. And where does it end? With self-control. It's about balance, and it sort of "tempers" the other fruits, helping find the balance of being too stingy or going over the top. I've started thinking of it more along the lines of giving God control of myself. Because as already mentioned, my self is awfully weak. But when I turn it over, things get easier.

Thoughts? Anyone else struggle on this?