word vomit

I'm pretty good at thinking before I speak...usually.

Unless it involves a certain man and a certain life event that is well on its way but has yet to occur. (No I'm not delusional, I promise. I'm not going to share why for the interwebs though.) When that subject comes up I'm about as capable of keeping my filter intact as well...nothing.

Seriously what is my deal? I can go from decent, loving girl to ungrateful spoiled brat in a matter of nano seconds. The fact that I am well aware of what I'm doing and still incapable of keeping my mouth shut is particularly disturbing. Especially because no matter what anyone says NO ONE deserves having to put up with that. I know it's terrible and unacceptable because not only am I ashamed of my abhorrent behavior I'm absolutely humiliated to admit this. WHY am I admitting this publicly again? 

How do you keep your filter in tact? I'm failing miserably and if Mr Wonderful knew what was good for him he'd simply say 'sayonara' rather than put up with this nonsense.  Because I will be the first to admit it is complete nonsense.

breakin up is hard to do



No this picture is not relevant in any way, shape, or form.
I just thought it was funny.

 You meet through a friend. You're a bit worried, but they soon win you over with their charisma and wonderful personality. You begin to build a relationship based on trust with them, and it becomes more and more difficult to remember what your life was like without them in it.

Then things change. You don't know if you can continue the relationship--although you REALLY want to. It's not bad at all, just hard. It becomes even harder when distance is thrown into the mix. You know you have to break the news, but you just don't know how. You begin to wonder if you will ever find someone worthy enough to attempt to fill their shoes. Each day becomes more and more stressful, because you know the longer you put it off the harder it becomes to say what needs to be said. You have been a ball of stress for weeks because you just don't know how to break the news...

*   *   *   *   *



No I'm not talking about Mr. Wonderful and I. Don't worry, we are great. Better than great-we are SWELL...is swell better than great?

I'm talking about my hairdresser. She is wonderful and fabulous, has become a great friend, and about the only one I trust with my tresses. She is the reason so many envy my hair-I don't know what she does, but she's magic. I can't say enough nice things about her. I simply adore her. I have been seeing her for about two and a half years and I LOVE her. There's only one problem. She's expensive. Like $120 every eight weeks expensive. When I was working at Joe's I could justify the expense because it was all tip money. Even after I quit I made it work because I love her so much. Your hair is the ONLY thing you wear every day so it should look great, right?

Looking into buying a home has made me REALLY evaluate my budget and where I have placed my priorities. My fear of failing and/or being a failure ranks right up there with being alone, so I'm trying to trim as much fat off my spending as possible. I got the perfect out about a week ago when she emailed me to let me know she had left the salon I saw her at and was looking at other places. Instead of telling her 'good luck' I said she had my business as long as she wanted it-which is true-but right now it's just a stretch. I thought I might have a little time, but she emailed me a few days later and said she'd taken a job at a salon in Daybreak and she hoped to see me soon. (She used to be 10 minutes away from my house) Aw crap. Now I feel like a total tool. I want to keep seeing her, I LOVE her and trust her with my hair implicitly, I just can't afford her anymore.

How do you tell someone you've built a relationship with and come to love like family that it's just not working anymore? And most importantly, how do you find someone to replace excellence?

The power of an apology

It's funny how something so small can do so much.

A couple months ago one of my co workers hit my parked car with a work truck, smashing in the driver's side door pretty impressively. Instead of renting a car, I jumped between two company vehicles, waited FOREVER while the company's insurance approved my claim, and waited for it to be fixed. All in all I was without my car for about a month.

I was angry, but it was more at the situation than anything. But I was also kinda bugged that the person who caused all this grief didn't seem to care he'd caused me all this trouble.

Well today this person needed my help, and since I'm trying to be the forgiving type and not hold grudges (which is SUPER hard, mind you)-I did. And guess what!? Out of the blue, he apologized, and told me he got into his truck that day six feet tall, but got out of it two inches tall. A sincere, swallow your pride apology! I was so grateful for this small act. By saying he was sorry I knew that he truly felt bad for the inconvenience he'd caused me.

So the moral of the story for me is that it's never too late to apologize. I thought I had gotten over it and moved on, but that small act completely made my day, and made me feel worthwile.