Day 184 - Frustration with Making music.

 

It is not easy making a song. There are lots of challenges involved. From writing the music to writing the lyrics and placing them all together in one flowing song. Then comes recording the song which brings new challenges. Those who do record their own music know what I am talking about. Sometimes it works out great and is an easy process, but mostly it is difficult to get it “right” and so it gets frustrating.

When I write a song I use my guitar or piano and it sounds cool, but with the recording process it does not always come out the way I want it to. I am now working on a song that sounds great when I play it on guitar and sing it, but recording it does not sound do great. Mostly due to the fact that I am out of practice with my voice and guitar which makes recording it a pain in the ass, because when recording guitar I have to play precisely on beat and recording a vocalist that is out of practice takes forever. And so it gets frustrating.

In my previous blog about me getting older I mentioned the need I had to rush things and this is one of the reason I wrote that blog. In my rush I wanted to quickly record it and sing it and get it out, but in my rush my vocals are terrible and the guitar track is not so great. So now I have to redo it anyway whereas I could have prepared myself more to make sure I am able to effectively record the track. Unfortunately I do not have talent for singing and practicing vocals takes a long time to master it so I will have to make another plan there.

To me it is frustrating that a song sounds great and then turns out not so great when recording it, but I have faced challenges like this one before and with time and dedication I made it work. It took as long as it took and rushing will only make things worse. Only after I tested all points with a song will I drop it and write a another one which does happen occasionally. Update to follow soon

Day 49 - We are creating this world by the choices we make

 

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to  realize that i created this world and am still creating it by the choices i make and life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to choose to accept the way of this  world by believing that there is nothing i can do to change it and that it is out of my hand - not realizing that this is an excuse and belief that i decided is true

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to choose to not take self responsibility and to not dedicate my life to see that all abuse ends in this world

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  choose to believe that it is impossible to end all abuse - not realizing that all abuse exist in myself and that world is a reflection of who i really am - and if i choose to stand for life I can change myself to be the change i want to see in this world

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make the choice that i am powerless to make a change in life - not realizing that this is a choice I have made and chose to belief is real and like that i can choose not to accept this limitation

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i cannot change the world - but i can change myself and assist others to do the same and when people change the world changes

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to from all the choices i have made in life to help create this world as it exist today and to everyday continue this creation by  participating in this world and not doing a thing to change it or even question it

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to  realize that if I created this world by the choices i have made i can create a new world by making different choices that supports life instead of abuses

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide from this truth and made sure i never realize it so that don't have to do anything to change this world

I commit myself to realize that I create this world by the choices i make

I commit myself to stop choosing to accept this world the way it is

I commit myself to stop believing that it is impossible to change this world and I choose not accept this excuse anymore

I commit myself to stop the belief that  i am powerless to change this world and so i choose not to accept any limitations

I commit myself to see that the world is a reflection of who i am and who i am is base on all the choices I have made and if i change this choice to choose life instead of abuse in that i can change the world

I commit myself to change myself so that i can become that which I want to see in this world - and when everybody do this together we create a better world 

I commit myself to be an example to for others to see that it is possible to change this world  - and to show people how their choice affects this world and how we can end all abuse and suffering with a single choice

I am the Creator – cannot Blame Another

A point that I have come to realize is the meaning of self responsibility.

When I started with Desteni I always thought things were happening TO me. That It was something else making me feel depressed or angry. I always held the other person responsible for either hurting me or making me feel a certain way.

I started to see that I am the one feeling the emotion, I created it. People do not poses the power to induce a emotion in me, it a act I am doing alone. A phrase that stood out for me was in a book that Bernard Wrote called ‘‘have a virus-free mind’’ and it said something
like

Nobody can do anything to you unless you allow it.

That is common sense, yet I didn’t see this before. I based my life on the idea that stuff was happening to me – when in fact I am responsible for me and all that goes on inside of me, I can’t blame another for what I have created.

For example I broke up a relationship a while ago and there was that sense of loss that goes with most break ups. Because the other person made me feel good, accepted me for who I was and made me feel special and wanted.

Now with that person gone all these things go with it. Now, I am responsible for what I feel and it has NOTHING to do with the other person. What I saw was that I craved for acceptance, because I didn’t accept myself. I wanted love because I could give it to myself. But I created those feelings and emotions. It’s like shooting yourself in the foot and blaming the ammo manufacturer – You loaded the gun and pulled the trigger.

So through the Desteni I process I came to realize this point in terms of self-responsibility and how blaming others for what I feel is ridiculous.