The Play by Play

Just in case you want to know what happens when one receives bar results.

Even though it was the day before results were due, I was checking the website regularly. But I had to leave at 3 to pick up my girlies from school, and once we returned home I was chatting with them about their day and going through their folders. I finally wandered back upstairs for the sole purpose of refreshing the bar result page again.

Oh crap--it has changed. There is now a link to the pass list. I had wondered if, once I saw that results were posted I would be too freaked to look or if I would go directly to where my name should be. I went right to where my name should be. Of course I suddenly forget alphabetical order as I am scrolling for my name. Finally, finally there it is.

I screamed. Not like a girly squeal--a blood-curdling scream. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the police. Then I collapsed into sobs. Huge, wracking, can't-catch-your-breath sobs. I think I scared the crap out of my kids. I am not a crier, but I think all of the stress and emotion that has been building since May finally came to a head.

Somehow, through the tears, I explained to the kids what was going on. The I made PS look at the computer and validate that my name was in fact there. Then I had her call DH, because he would have freaked if I would have called while I was bawling. Seriously, I could not stop--this went on for like an hour.

PS gave me a thumbs up and a "good job, Mom". SS gave me a big hug and said, "I'm so proud of you, mommy." Then the phone calls started, all full of "I told you so's."

DH came home early and we all went out to dinner. Lucy (our nanny) is out of town, so no private celebrations yet. But that was ok, because I still wasn't feeling great, and all of the crying made it worse. And the kids needed to be part of it anyway--they had to put up with me through all of this.

Today there have been a couple more calls. SS seems to have picked up whatever I have, so we are being sickies together. I'm still trying to process, and refuse to close the results page on my computer.

Meanwhile I've been checking out how my classmates did. One of my friends is missing from the list. I am surprised and sad for her. There are a couple of acquaintances missing, too. It sucks that the whole world has to know your terrible news.