A little of this and a little of that

Finally met with my pro bono client yesterday. At least I have something to do, now. I'm also working the Legal Aid intake clinic tonight. I'm trying to increase my positive karma.

***

I emailed the firm that was waiting 3 weeks to do call backs. They said they are still interested in me--just moving slowly. That is my only remaining glimmer of hope. I think I've found 2 jobs to apply to in the past two weeks.

***

In the meantime, DH is moving right along on the website for my solo firm. We spent a couple of weeks scratching our heads trying to figure out a design. We looked at lots and lots of other attorney websites, and let me tell you, the vast majority of them are really, really bad. We've finally come up with something that is coming together very nicely. If DH doesn't kill me first--he doesn't generally have his clients sitting right next to him offering input while he is designing.

***

After going out with a friend last weekend, I realized that my wardrobe was lacking in going-out attire. I have a closet full of professional clothes. I have shorts and tanks. I have jeans--which will not see the light of day again until at least October, because it is too hot to even consider putting on a pair of jeans. And I have mom capris.

So I didn't have much to choose from last weekend, or for the outdoor concert I am attending this weekend. I decided that I wanted a super-casual summer dress. I rarely wear dresses, because I just don't have the body type. I am short-waisted, and have a wide rib-cage--so it's hard to find something large enough in the bodice that doesn't bag everywhere else. (I have no hips whatsoever--so I often end up with saddlebags where my hips are supposed to be.)

Anyway, I went out yesterday and tried on a dress that I would normally never, ever consider. It is a black knit halter dress, with an A-line cut. The fit was actually pretty flattering (as opposed to the empire-waist dresses that just make me look pregnant). I also picked up a pair of silver chandelier earrings (I rarely wear earrings, and when I do they are just my simple diamond studs) and some sparkly black flip-flops. The whole outfit was less than $40, and totally not mom-like.

The problem is that I bought a backless dress and I have some crazy-ass coloring on my back right now. I have always been pale and freckly. Now I'm multi-colored and freckly.

A few weeks ago I took the girls to the beach. PS was charged with putting sunscreen on my back. There are now jagged shades of brown (formerly bright red) where she missed. DH says it looks like someone threw acid on my back. This week I took the girls to the pool. Now there is a big red circle, where, once again, no sunscreen managed to land. Kids are useless at helping with sunscreen, and my back looks like a piece of modern art. At least my hair is really long right now and should cover most of it.

SuperBob Update

I got a call back from the low-cost vet clinic today. They will do the heartworm treatment for $265--which is less than 1/3 the cost from the vet. But they can't get him in until the end of August. They said it was ok to wait, but he needed to get back on the heartworm preventative. The clinic also doesn't do an x-ray or blood panel, which the vet wanted to do, but said wasn't absolutely essential for treatment. DH and I are considering having the vet go ahead and do these things--but it will be about $250.

And the clinic said that Bob would have to be crated for 30 days following his treatment--only out when on a leash. I anticipated this from my internet research--but it is going to be a hige challenge.

Bob has never been crate trained. Yes, yes I know that is our doing and that if we were good dog owners we would have crate trained him. We did purchase an outdoor chain-link kennel for when the yard guys come and when the kids' friends are over (Bob can be rambunctious and he is big enough to be scary to kids who aren't used to big dogs.) Bob ripped the darn thing apart! So not only do I need to find a crate, but it needs to be something that he can't destroy.

And then there is the concern that crating Bob is going to get him all worked up anyway, defeating the purpose of crating him in the first place. He may have to spend 30 days sedated. Poor Bob--I was on bedrest for most of my pregnancy with the twins and it sucked. I can't imagine being stuck in a cage for a month!

The Amazing Adventures of SuperBob

Last night as we were about to head to bed, DH and I heard Bob going nuts outside. We peeked out the back door to find Bob nose to nose with a curled up snake.

At that point, we could only see that it was bigger and darker than a garden snake--and was possibly a rattlesnake. I was yelling at Bob to come inside, but Bob was having none of it. Then the snake suddenly lunged at Bob--and fortunately missed.

Somehow, DH managed to shoo Bob into the house. I was terrified that the snake would strike Bob. My SIL's lab was bitten by a rattlesnake about a year ago. The dog nearly died and the vet bills were astronomical.

Now, I don't generally have a problem with snakes. We have come across several of them while hiking, and they just slither on their merry way. When the twins were about 3, we found a little rat snake on the front walk and the twins carried it around in a Mr. Peanut jar for 3 days until I made them release it before it starved to death.

And once when the twins were babies (in a different house) we awoke to find a garden snake curled up in the bottom of the Exersaucer (Ok, that one freaked me out a little bit.) But we had lots of garden snakes at that house, and we lived in peace as long as they stayed in the garden.

But this snake was big (you can't tell from the picture, but when it slithered away it was about 4' long), looked suspiciously like a rattler, and was trying to strike my dog. It had to go.

My plan was to take it out with the .20 gauge from the safety of my living room window. DH insisted the neighbors would call the police if I discharged a firearm and that I would be hauled to the clinker--despite my insistence that I could definitely beat the rap for firing at a potential rattler. I'm a good shot and our yard is large enough that the .20 gauge couldn't do much damage beyond our fence even if I missed.

Instead, DH went out with a shovel and a bucket. I was hoping that he was going to beat the darn thing to death with a shovel. Nope, his grand plan was to shoo the snake into the bucket. And then what?? It's not like the snake couldn't just slither right back out. And don't ask me what he planned to do with it if he did manage to trap it in the bucket--put in it the aquarium and keep it as a pet?

The snake actually did crawl about 4" into the bucket. Then it backtracked and started slithering across the yard. Snakes can move pretty freakin' fast. DH did not start beating the snake with the shovel--despite my shrieks of "Kill it! Kill it!" And it slithered under the fence and into the front yard where it disappeared.

We are pretty sure that it was a rat snake and not a rattlesnake. The rat snakes looks like a rattlesnake, but does not have a rattle and is not venomous. DH never heard a rattle, and you can see the tail in the picture, and it does not appear to have a rattle.

Still, I'm not thrilled that this creature was found sitting about 10' from my house and 5' from my kids' play fort. Venomous or not, it can still bite, and I don't want it going after the dog or the kids. I guess the good news is that Bob is perfectly willing to protect us from snakes (I'm pretty sure he'd be useless against burglars-he doesn't even bark when the doorbell rings.)

Really, God? Really??

I feel like I just keep getting punched in the face over and over.

I took Bob to the vet this morning for his annual checkup and shots. He was a couple of months overdue, and this was our first visit with a new vet.

The vet kept going on and on about what a good-looking dog he is, coat was in good shape, ears were perfectly clear, teeth were pearly white, no fecal parasites.

Unfortunately, an hour after we left the vet called to tell me that Bob had tested positive for heartworm. He can't tell how extensive it is without an x-ray and additional bloodwork. And he warned that treatment would be pretty expensive--about $1000 because he is such a large dog.

Bob tested negative for heartworm at his last vet appointment a little over a year ago, and was on a heartworm preventative. Unfortunately, we were not so great about giving him the heartworm preventative every month. So it's basically my fault that Bob has this serious and expensive-to-treat condition.

I'm just about at the end of my rope. I'm not sure I can handle any more emotional or financial hits.

Yummy summer entertainment for kids.

Today we made ice cream in a bag. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it actually worked and tasted really good! You do have to shake pretty vigorously and the kids weren't the best shakers, so theirs were more like milkshakes, but mine hardened up pretty well.

No we're having a Harry Potter marathon to catch up before the new movie this week. (Yes, I've read all the books and I've seen all the movies, but I have a memory like a sieve, so a little refresher is a good thing.)

Sotomayor hearing

So, being unemployed with nothing better to do, I am watching the Sotomayor confirmation hearings. This is my first go 'round watching confirmation hearings--so perhaps I am just naive. But some of these senators are major asshats.

Some of the Republicans seem to be taking an opportunity to lecture, bordering on a personal attack in their opening statements. I'm listening to Sen. Graham of S.C. who wants to ensure everyone knows he is unhappy with the nomination, but has admitted that Sotomayor will be confirmed absent a "melt-down." He keeps making snippy little comments which just aren't necessary. It really makes the senator look like a pouty little-leaguer who just lost the big game. Sen. Sessions also made his share of snippy comments--although he was less openly hostile than Graham.

Of course, the Democrats are irritatingly kiss-assy. We've heard about about her qualifications about 5 times over (and we're only 90 minutes in.)

Read what you want into my comments, I'm about a non-partisan as you can get. I like Sotomayor, but I'm a little concerned about where she will fall on the pro-choice/pro-life spectrum.

I can't imagine having to sit there quietly while one after another throw hateful comments at you, about why you aren't right for the job and why some other hispanic would be better (Sen. Graham's statement.) She's obviously smarter, and pending the outcome of these hearings, will have a far more prestigious career than any of these goofball senators who are grilling her.

Maybe her ability to maintain poise and grace during this hearing is as telling about her qualifications as anything else.

Facebook and Tragedy

Facebook seems to have a way of putting us within 6 degrees of separation of tragedy over and over again. I guess I've lived a somewhat charmed life in the sense that I have not personally had to handle any stunning tragedies.

Today I learned via Facebook of a father (the ex-husband of a friend) who drowned in front of his children this morning--right after saving one who had fallen into the water.

Over the past few months, I learned that I girl I went to high school passed away from brain cancer. I learned that another classmate has had a stroke. My god, I'm 34--not old enough to be losing my contemporaries to cancer and strokes!

I learned that a former classmate was married to a man who was paralyzed in a hugely publicized incident.

I also learned that an old friend's father passed was found unresponsive, and a short time later that he had passed away--all via facebook.

I think I preferred the "ignorance is bliss" state of mind. Suddenly hearing of all these terrible things forces me to consider my own mortality (or even more frightening, my children's mortality).

Overheard at LC's house

DH: "Hey, TT, do you want a chicken leg?"

TT: "No thanks, I'll take a drumstick!"

Thank God I'm Married

I met a friend for drinks last night at this tiny divey honky tonk where the beer is cold and cheap and served in a can. We met at 7 and ended up staying much later than either of us intended. (We had to refill our parking meters twice.)

When we first arrived, there were only a couple of others in the place, but as the night wore on, the crowd thickened and shots started pouring into plastic cups (for them, not us--I am well past the shot shooting era of my life.)

Watching drunken mating rituals was entertaining for my happily-married-with-three-children viewpoint. Whatever they are out there looking for, I've already got.

But I was stunned by the number of hot young girls hooked up with bald, fat old men. Most of the women in the bar were 10 years younger than me, and most of the men were at least 10 years older than me. WTH? Why weren't these girls going some place full of cute, young frat boys. Just because you're old doesn't mean you're rich, and these old guys didn't exactly give off an aura of success.

Anyway the people-watching and judgy snarks about the selected attire of the other patrons made for a fun evening. But I am so glad this is a once-in-a-blue-moon thing and not an every-weekend-hoping-to-find-the-right-guy kind of thing.

And now for something fun

If you have not checked out Awkward family Photos, you must go there now. Freakin' hilarious.

Adventures in finding office space

My biggest challenge with my plan to go solo is finding office space. I need to keep my overhead as low as possible, and office space ain't cheap.

Ideally, I could work out some kind of office-sharing agreement with another attorney--but I'm not sure how to go about that. I've attended a local bar association meeting, and the attorneys in my little town weren't especially friendly and welcoming. They clearly did not want to encourage any competition to settle in. So I'm not sure how to work out the whole office sharing thing. There also does not appear to be any local bar association newsletter in which to advertise.

Another alternative is a virtual office. For a couple hundred bucks a month, I would have access to office and conference space in a nice office building for a set number of hours each month. This would work great if I were building my practice in Big City. But if I go solo, I want to stay close to home (have to, really, to avoid child care costs I can't afford), and there are no virtual offices in the 'burbs.

So I have been looking at low-rent local office space.

The first place I looked at was in another suburb, about 10 miles away. It is a small town that is experiencing a lot of growth and it doesn't have a lawyer. (But the income and home values are approximately 1/2 what they are in my suburb.) There is a small office for rent there for $500/month. That was definitely more than I wanted to spend, but I was hopeful that if I liked the place, I could negotiate the rent.

The "office" ended up being a small room inside of larger retail space in a strip of attached buildings. The space would be shared with a gift shop, through which clients would have to navigate to reach my office. No conference space or reception area at all. Definitely not something that says "successful lawyer."

So this week, I decided to try again. I drove around the little downtown square in my town looking for available office space. I found one that looked promising, with another attorney in the same space. I called the leasing agent who said he had an office for $200/month.

I went to take a look today. OMG, it was worse than the first space. I swear I have a closet in my house that it larger than this alleged office. It had nasty stained commercial carpeting and a homemade built-in desk made out of plywood. There was a modem with a bunch of wires sticking out sitting on the floor. I guess it had free internet.

I spent about 5 seconds in that office before I turned around and walked out. Working out of a closet is not the image I want to present to my clients.

I can certainly work out of the spare bedroom in my house--but I really need someplace to meet clients. So the search continues.

Another fabulous day in the fabulous life of LC

I knew it was too good to be true when it only cost $220 to fix the A/C in my car last week. Today I was heading out on an errand when it started making a funny noise. Every time I accelerated it sounded like a baseball card stuck in bicycle spokes. This was especially concerning because we were planning to drive 400 miles to Hometown tomorrow.

So I called the shop that did the previous repair and they got me in right away. And then informed me that the air compressor was going out, and it is attached to some belt that would take out lots of important stuff if it did. Cost of repair-- $1300.

Um, yeah I DON'T HAVE A JOB!! I do not want to spend $1300 to repair my 7-year-old vehicle with 130,000 miles! There are much better things that I can think of to spend that kind of money on.

Unfortunately, I don't have a choice. I can't just turn off the A/C--the average temp this time of year is 100. And the guy said that I still run the risk of the belt breaking and messing stuff up even if I don't run the A/C.

I did however, call another shop. I was not especially happy with the first shop for not figuring all of this out the first time around. (I was pretty surprised when they didn't tell me the compressor needed to be replaced on Monday, because my research had indicated that was the problem.) And I really need to spend 2 full days without my vehicle and cancel my plans to leave town because they didn't bother to look beyond the obvious on Monday.

Anyway, the 2d shop quoted me about $1000 for the repair. The guy spent about 10 minutes with me on the phone explaining what needed to be done and why it would cost so much. He also said the chances were slim that the belt would break if I don't run the A/C (whereas the first guy was trying to convince me that I was driving a ticking time bomb--and was obviously peeved when I told him I was seeking a second opinion before dropping $1300.*)

So I guess I'll take it into the 2d shop tomorrow and cancel my weekend plans. I honestly didn't want to go anyway, but I had promised my dad that I would be there for his installation as the Grand Poobah of his lodge. I guess I won't be learning any DaVinci Code Masonic secrets, after all.

*WTH is up with mechanics who treat me like a moron because I am a woman. Hello?? I guarantee I have more education than you and I am 90% sure I'm smarter that you. And I spent a good part of my childhood hanging out in the garage with my dad. My first car wasn't running when I got it. I had to change out all the belts, the oil, rotate the tires, change out the master cylinder, bleed the brakes, replace the CV joints, and help out with any other repair that needed to be made. So while I am not a mechanic, I have a decent idea of what is going on under the hood of my car. And if I don't, I am going to call my dad or my grandfather before I bring my car in to you, so that I know whether you are trying to screw me over!

An opportunity?

Last night I received an email from my aunt, forwarding an email from an out-of-state attorney (a close friend of theirs) who is looking for a family law attorney in my area.

I honestly don't know any family law attorneys--but could probably ask around to get a name. Or I could try to sell myself--after all, that is what I'll be doing if I go solo, and I am jumping in with my legal aid case.

I haven't decided how to respond yet. DH and I agreed to give it until the end of summer before launching my solo firm if it becomes necessary. Going solo really isn't my top choice. The financial instability terrifies me--especially when I consider the amount that I owe in student loans. We can get by on DH's salary--but only while my loans are deferred, and they can't be deferred forever.

Nevertheless, I have been preparing for "Plan B," should it become necessary. I have received quotes for insurance and advertising, I have looked around a bit at renting office space, DH has started designing my website and I already have a domain registered. I signed up for a virtual PBX system which gives a free 800 number, fax, and the aura of a real office for minimal cost. Yesterday I filled up a virtual shopping cart with office supplies to get an idea of the cost of the bare minimum to set up my office (about $150.) DH has speced out a new computer and the software I would need.

I could go forward and try to take this case.

But what if I do get an offer next week or next month? Will a firm be turned off if I bring family law clients with me? I haven't been interviewing with firms that practice family law. Or will it show that I have the gumption to move forward when I am unemployed?

Also, although I have done a lot of research so far, there are still additional steps to be taken should I take on an actual paying client. At a minimum, I would have to open an IOLTA account. Is it worth the hassle, just to stick my toe in?

I don't know--but I am reluctant to turn down any opportunity at this point.

Today's conversation

"Mom, Bob's pink thing is hanging out." (Bob is the dog.)

"Mom, what is the pink thing?"

"It's his pen!s."

"But how come you can't see it all the time?"

"Because it only sticks out when he's happy. The rest of the time it is shriveled up where you can't really see it."

"But why is it covered in fur?"

"I have no idea."

Food

I have to say that I made some fabulous dishes to take to my neighbor yesterday. I baked Poppy Seed bread with Glaze that is so yummy and super easy. (It made 2 loaves, so I kept one and gave the other away.) The glaze really makes the bread, which reminds me of the poppy seed muffins that I would occasionally splurge on at Paradise Cafe when I was working.

I also made chicken salad and Strawberry and Spinach Salad. I just kind of do my own thing with the chicken salad. I chunked 3 chicken breast halves, diced 1 rib of celery (for crunch), a quarter cup or so of dried cranberries (for color and a touch of sweetness), and a quarter cup or so of walnuts. I add just enough mayo to moisten the mixture. I don't like mushy chicken salad!

This was my first time making the strawberry and spinach salad, and it is to die for! The dressing really makes the salad--but don't add it until you are ready to serve because the spinach wilts quickly once the dressing is added. Also, the dressing calls for sesame seeds and poppy seeds, which I think I will omit next time. I'm not sure they added anything and I could live without the seeds in my teeth.

Oh, and on the salad, I followed one of the reviewers' advice and added sugared almonds. They were so easy and really added a nice crunch and flavor. Just take 1/2 c. almonds and 3 T. sugar and heat until the sugar caramelizes--delish!

All of it was very easy, and made a great summer dinner. Although DH and the kids refuse to eat chicken salad, and instead opted for barbecue chicken sandwiches. Very easy and pretty good. (But this is not an all-day slow-cooker recipe--the chicken will get mushy if cooked for more than 6 hours. When I'm working I will start it on high when I get home from work, cook until I go to bed, then refrigerate and it is great the next day.)

Ups and Downs

The A/C problem was only a broken belt--yea! I had been poking around the internet and reading of $1200 repairs, so I was anticipating the worst. My car is ready, but I have no means of retrieving it, so I guess I'll be hanging out at home today.

I called to reschedule with the recruiter, but she is leaving town, so we can't meet for 2 weeks. Sounds like it was just an informational meeting, and they didn't have anything specific in mind.

I am beginning to sink into a well of hopelessness. I need to start working again. I am disappointed that I have not heard anything from Terrible Commute Firm, because I thought that interview went really well. I sent a follow-up today, restating my interest and inquiring whether I am still being considered. It drives me nuts when firms that interview you don't have the courtesy to let you know they aren't interested.

I've seen a couple of new postings for firms that rejected my resume, but never interviewed me. I met the qualifications they advertised, so how can they decide I'm not the one if they don't bother to interview me? Obviously they aren't finding anyone better if they are still looking after a month.

I'm trying to remain optimistic about Conservative Firm, which isn't doing callbacks for another week. But I think (but am not at all sure) that I saw a new ad for them this morning. If it is the same firm, they have redrawn their required qualifications and I don't make the cut.

Why does no one want me? Every single person that I have ever worked for in the legal field has complimentary things to say about my work. I know I'm good at what I do--I'm just not very good at interviewing.

Ok, ok, I'll stop the pity party.

I feel like a jerk

I was awakened last Tuesday night by flashing lights outside my window. They were from an ambulance in front of my elderly neighbors' home. As I was contemplating whether to go offer assistance, an EMT got in the rig and left. I never saw them load anybody into the ambulance and there were no lights or sirens and no apparent hurry. I assumed it had been a "false alarm."

I considered visiting my neighbors the next day, but I have only met them a couple of time and I didn't want to be the nosy neighbor. But I happened to be in my kids fort yesterday when she arrived home, and said, "Hi!" over the back fence. My neighbor told us that her husband had passed away the night we saw the ambulance.

I just feel terrible for not checking in on her. He had been in poor health, but his death was sudden and unexpected at that moment.

The services are tomorrow, a couple of hundred miles from here. (They moved in only about a year ago.) She mentioned that several out-of-town relatives were coming.

Now I'm scrambling to prepare some food to take over. It is so hot here that traditional comfort food just sounds too heavy. I'm thinking chicken salad with sandwich makings and a fruit plate. And maybe some kind of breakfast bread.

I wish there was more I could do now--but we did give her all of our contact numbers and told us to call if she needed anything at all.

A little advice

Do not shout to whatever random deity may be listening, "Can you please throw a little more shit at me? Please?" Because, the answer is "Yes." It can always get worse.

DH and I hopped in the car today to run an errand. About 30 seconds after we pulled out of the driveway, the A/C stopped blowing cold air. It wasn't even blowing lukewarm air. It was blowing HOT air.

At about the same time, the thermometer on our patio was reading 110.

Of course, this happened at about 4:30--when no repair shop in the world was willing to take us. So we will be A/C-free until at least Monday.

And I have an interview on Monday. There is no way in hell I can drive 25 miles to an interview without A/C when it is 100+ outside. It would not be a pretty picture once I arrived. Fortunately, the interview is just with a recruiter, so I have emailed to see if we can reschedule for later in the week.

The rest of the day was pretty good. We hung with the kids all day and then went to see fireworks. (Where we were rained on by soot and bits of shell the entire time--I think the random deity is still punishing me. But the show was great.)

Ugh!

I just received a phone call from my former secretary--at 5:15 on the eve of a 3-day weekend. I assumed it was DH calling, or I probably would have let it go to voicemail.

She said that I had received a magazine from an industry organization that my firm had signed me up with, and wanted to know if she should forward it to me.

I've been gone for more than 6 weeks, and have presumably received numerous mailings in that time, but suddenly she wants to know if I want my junk mail forwarded? She beat around the, "so what have you been up to?" bush a couple of times, and I gave intentionally vague answers. But she eventually came right out and asked whether I was working.

I am almost certain that someone told her to call to find out my status. I think that it might have been a result of my cashing out my 401K this week (my seed money if I go solo.) The plan administrator--who is the office manager, would have to sign off, and would therefore be alerted to what I was doing.

Maybe they think I'm destitute and feel bad for treating me like shit. Maybe they are up to their eyeballs in work, since two more associates have quit since I did, and think there is some chance in hell that I would go back there. Maybe they are just being nosy.

Regardless, whether or not I am working is none of their f'ing business, and they really shouldn't have sent my former secretary in to do their dirty work. At the very least, they should have come up with better cover for their phone call--like a question about a case I was working on. But to call about junk mail--really???

Do I sound like a paranoid crazy person?

Stupid Mom Move

I told the twins to let the guinea pig run around in SS's room while PS cleaned out her cage. We have a little carrier, but the poor creature spends her whole life in a cage, and I though she might like the chance to roam a bit. (She is more timid and apt to scratch than our previous guinea pig-maysherestinpeace-so the kids don't play with her as much.)

The only way she could get into trouble in SS's room is if she got under the bed--a daybed with a trundle. So I told the kids, "block off the front of the bed and make sure she doesn't get under there."

Just because I can foresee the future doesn't mean I can prevent it. Five minutes later I hear, "Mo-oooomm! Stephany's under the bed." (I hate "Mo-oooommm!" Nothing good ever follows "Mo-oooomm." If I'm lucky, it's just whining or tattling. If I'm not so lucky bodily fluids or animal carcasses are involved.)

Of course she is. And we can't see her because of the trundle. And I'm afraid we'll squish her if we try to move the trundle.

So the kids are on guinea pig watch, locked in SS's room and hoping Stephany makes an appearance soon. I don't think she's coming out--this is the most nervous animal I have ever seen. But hopefully she'll get hungry soon. She does love to eat, and is almost as big as a cat.

Weird Facebook Friend

So a handful of my Facebook friends are people that I went to high school with that I don't really remember. I'm sure that we went to high school together, but we didn't hang out together and I have only a vague recollection of them.

Once such person, we'll call her Sue, friended DH shortly after she friended me. DH did not know her at all! (I transferred to a new HS at the beginning of my junior year. DH went to second HS, this friend is from 1st HS.) She sent DH a message that said something like, "Hi, I know that you don't know me, but I'm a friend of LC.'s and I wanted to add you as a friend."

We both thought it a little strange, but she seemed harmless enough, so he added her.

Anyway, today is my aunt's birthday. The first thing on my wall is happy birthday wishes to my aunt. And Sue is one of the well-wishers! There is no way on earth that she could know my aunt. My aunt moved from Hometown to another state when I was a kid. I haven't seen her in at least 15 years!!

How freaky is this? Now I wonder if Sue is contacting all of my friends--which truly horrifies me! I checked her friends list, but we only have one other mutual friend who did not go to 1st HS. So maybe not--or maybe everybody else just decided she's a kook and didn't friend her.

I have a case!

LegalAid finally called me back today, and I agreed to take on a pro bono case. I am excited and freaked out at the same time.

It's a divorce case, and one that could turn nasty. I do not practice family law--although it is a direction I would have to take if I end up going solo. I did work for a family law solo for a short time in law school, so I have drafted divorce petitions, decrees, TRO's and custody modifications, but I've never argued a TRO hearing or done a divorce prove-up. (And I interned in the county where the petition would be filed and saw the judge there throw out more than one pro se petitioner who screwed up their prove-up hearing.)

But I am jumping in with few resources. I no longer have access to internet research or forms manuals. I'm not that worried about the research--I have a cited code book and family law doesn't change that much. But I don't have a forms manual and didn't keep copies of the documents that I drafted as a clerk. I'm sure I can come up with the forms, but I no longer have the luxury of downloading them from my firm's network or library.

Also, it just occurred to me that I have to sign pleading with an actual address. I am almost certain that a P.O. box will not do under the rules in my state. Umm, I don't have an office. And I REALLY don't want o put my home address on pleadings--especially a nasty divorce case.

The Evil Force

At some point in the middle of the night last night I moved from my bed to the couch. I kept having bad dreams and would wake sitting upright and trying to figure out what was happening. I can't really describe what the dreams were about--but I had this sense of something closing in on me, sort of encapsulating me.

The last one before I moved was the worst. And I had the sense that were was some kind of Evil Force next to me that was out to get me. So I hightailed it out of there.

Of course, this morning DH wanted to know what happened to me. And he was none to happy to realize that he was the Evil Force. I think he is wondering what kind of subconscious animosity I hold for him.

I told him that I can't be responsible for what I do in my sleep. Kind of like the time I yanked the pillow out from under his head in the middle of the night and started beating him with it. (Yes, it really happened, and yes, I was really asleep.) He's just lucky I didn't try to attack the Evil Force with something harder than a pillow.

Anyway, the dreams continued through the night. Stress has a tendency to manifest itself in my dreams, but last night was the worst. (This happened nightly the entire time I was studying for the bar, but hasn't been a real problem since then.)

Now, I think I need to go take a nap to recover from my sleepless night.

Grumble, Grumble

I just received an email from Conservative Firm that they do not intend to conduct call back interviews for another 3 weeks!

On the one hand, I take it as a good sign that they bothered to tell me this. On the other hand, I need to start working. My psyche needs to start working, and my bank account needs me to start working.

I really like Conservative Firm, but if by some miracle another offer comes through before they are prepared to make a move, I am going to have to take it.

The most interesting interview to date

Today I had an interview at a firm 60 miles from home. Their offices are in a turn-of-the-century house that they have fully restored. It was just gorgeous--beautifully restored and beautifully decorated.

They obviously observe casual Friday, as all of the staff and the first partner (Partner A) whom I met were wearing jeans. Then Partner B walked in--wearing flip-flops and cargo shorts, long red hair, and a silver skull ring.

They asked why I left my old firm and I gave my pat answer, "I was offered a position at another law firm, after I accepted and offered notice a conflict was discovered that was not waived."

Partner B said, "What Assholes!"

They asked what I wanted and I said, "Well I really enjoy practicing law and I like what I have been doing. I have worked on some high-quality cases and have been given increasing responsibility. I would like to continue with that--to take on additional responsibility, more complex depositions, more time in court and to go to trial eventually. Ultimately I'd like to build a book of business and make partner."

Partner B said, "I don't want to hear all that 'I love the law' bullshit. I want to hear that you want to make money."

Partner A said, "I think that's what she said."

They also warned me that they are very casual, like to joke around, (and yell and curse) and someone who is easily offended would not fit in.

Overall, I think the interview went well (except for the "I love the law" bullshit). I think they liked the answers that I gave, but they may have reservations because I live so far away. They also asked what I was earning before, and I'm not sure they are prepared to match it, as they are a much smaller firm.

I think I would really enjoy working there, but for the horrendous commute. They do a wide variety of defense litigation, and I really prefer to have a variety. I think it would be terrific experience at this stage in my career.

So this firm was really the complete opposite of the firm I interviewed with on Wednesday, but I am really drawn to both firms. Fingers crossed that one or the other works out. At this point, my emotional need to work is becoming greater than my financial need to work (which is no small need.)

Interview

I was pretty apathetic going into today's interview. I am tired of being rejected, and I wasn't sure how interested they would be in me because I have virtually no exposure to the type of law that they practice.

But it went much better than I anticipated, and now I'm afraid I have my hopes up once again.

The female attorney with whom I had been in contact was conducting initial interviews. It seemed to go ok, but I am a terrible judge. She asked for my expected salary. I threw out my previously decided upon number (which I was willing to compromise) and she said, "That's much too low. I'm going to put down [much higher number] as your minimum expected salary." My new minimum expected salary is almost $20K more than I was previously earning.

Then she said, "I know I only scheduled you for one interview, but I know that I will be calling you back, so if you have time, I'd really like to see if one of our partners can meet with you right now."

Okey dokey, no problem on my end.

Partner was preparing for a trial on Monday, but spent about an hour speaking to me. I think it went pretty well.

I am much, much more interested in the firm now, and not just because of the substantial salary increase. I would be second chairing the cases on which I was assigned--and second chairs get a lot of responsibility. It would be great experience.

The negatives (which aren't really that negative): The firm is very conservative. No business casual, which means I would have to add a few more suits to my wardrobe. I even stopped on the way home to buy Crane notecards so that I could handwrite follow-up notes. These days I generally just send an email follow up.

And they use Macs. I have never even heard of a law firm that uses Macs, and I haven't touched one since high school. I'm sure I can pick it up, but I wonder how much trouble it is sending and receiving documents. We had issues at my old firm because we used WordPerfect instead of Word.

Today ...

• I applied for at least 5 jobs. One was a temporary position at a firm with an office dog. I like the idea of an office dog.


• I took PS to the library for a workshop on making flip-flops out of duct tape. (Don't ask me-but it was so popular that not all of the kids who showed up could participate.)

• I made friends with an adorable little girl of about 15 months who kept coming over to me, putting her hand on my knee, and jabbering away. Her mom would haul her away and a minute later she would be back.

• I yelled at random kids for running in the library. I'm not big on calling out other people's kids--but one of them used to be one of my girl scouts and I know her mom would have been mortified by her behavior.
  


• I got a call for another interview on Friday. The firm sounds great--but it is 60 miles away. 60 miles of city traffic.
  

• I met a former coworker for dinner, who was fired the week before I left. It's nice to have a fellow unemployed lawyer to bitch to--especially one who truly understands what an asshole our former boss was.

• I went to Half-Price Books all by myself. The kid-free time was nice. Didn't buy anything because I am already reading 5 books simultaneously. (East of Eden; Love in the Time of Cholera; Standing Under the Rainbow (Fannis Flagg-not as good as her other stuff); The Diary of Anne Frank (to recall whether it is ok for PS); and a chick lit book by Jane Green, the title of which I cannot recall, but probably isn't worth finishing. I am trying to build up my library in case I decide to go solo, and sometimes I can find code books for a steal. (I got a 2009 code book on ebay for $15 last week--would have cost at least $100 new.)


• I went to the grocery store. I think the butcher was flirting with me.
  

Another day another hill to climb

I think the hardest part about job hunting is the roller coaster emotional toll. Initially I was rolling uphill--I was leaving old firm, but I had several interviews lined up and I convinced myself that my unemployment would be short lived. I eventually hit the peak and plummeted downward when none of those interviews transformed into jobs.

Every time I find a job to apply for, I feel a tiny glimmer of hope and start climbing uphill. When I receive no response, I roll downhill again--but at least I haven't ascended as far before the fall.

But when I receive an interview, my hope climbs quickly and steeply and the fall is much faster and scarier when I am rejected.

Or nothing at all happens, and I just circle over an over with the tiny bumps like the kiddie-coaster at the county fair.

I'm not sure which is worse--the constant up and down or the boring endless circle. But I am tired of being unemployed. I like working. And I am a better mom when I don't spend 24/7 with my kids. My temper and patience are both running short these days.

I have an interview on Wednesday. It is still litigation, but an area that I don't have much experience in. I guess we'll see what happens, but I don't look forward to the emotional downfall following another rejection.

"Don't be such a pu$$y!"

That's what one of my twins told the other when she started freaking out about a bug. Being the fabulous mom that I am, I burst out laughing.

"Wha-at?" said SS.

"Sweetie, do you know that is not a nice word?"

"What do you mean--it's just another word for kitty?"

By this point SS is obviously embarrassed and realizes that she unintentionally said something that she shouldn't.

"Well, it is a bad word, too. And if you said that to someone at school, you would get in trouble. I know you didn't know any better, but please don't call your sister a pu$$y anymore."

SS then goes and hides behind a chair.

I thought they at least recognized most of the bad words by now--but I guess that one's not part of my lexicon so they must have though it was ok (I've said before that my biggest failing as a mother is my potty mouth).

Not much happening on the job front. I haven't heard anything from the several jobs that I applied for last week, and there hasn't been anything to apply for this week. I am more seriously contemplating going solo--researching costs to get a realistic picture of what I would be getting myself into. Honestly, it scares the shit out of me . . . but at the same time I feel like karma is pushing me in that direction.

I emailed the volunteer att'y program a couple of days ago, but haven't heard anything yet. Guess they don't need volunteers too badly. Perhaps they are overwhelmed by laid off BigLawyers.

The weight watching and working out is going ok. I have nothing better to do than count calories right now--and at least it gives me control over some part of my life. Took the girls to a local farm to pick blackberries and buy produce yesterday, so we are now well stocked with healthy stuff.

8 pounds

No, not the sequel to the Will Smith movie. That's how much I have gained during my one moth of unemployment. (BTW, today is my 1 month unemployedaversary--yea for me.)

Apparently I should have been following gudnuff's workout advice. It's not hard to figure out the source of these 8 pounds. I have been baking like a mad woman to fill all the extra time. And cooking elaborate (and fattening) meals for my family. And when I'm home I snack. I rarely snacked at work--if I did I went for the almonds or dried cranberries that I kept in my desk drawer for a late afternoon pick-me-up (or dinner, as the case sometimes was.) No homemade cookies or Peanut Butter Crunch lying around.

So I have joined fat secret which tracks my calories and weight watchers points. (I have never actually joined weight watchers, but have gleaned enough information online to basically follow their point system.)

And then I signed up for a challenge, which is a running program outlined by Women's Health.

So far today I am off to a good start. I had an egg white omelet for breakfast and ran on the treadmill. We'll see how the rest of the day goes--I'm not really stocked with low fat foods right now. I've been too busy buying real butter and cream and chocolate chips.

I'm not too concerned about the 8 pounds. My weight tends to hover at about [yeah, like I'm gonna tell you], and I think I can return if I just knock off the baking. But it would be nice to lose the extra 15 pounds or so that I have been carrying around since I stopped breastfeeding the twins. (Yes, I lost all of my baby weight instantly, both times. With the twins I weighed less a week after I delivered than I did before I got pregnant. But once I stopped breastfeeding I gained 15 pounds--what the heck is that about??? I guess I was used to eating for 3 and never stopped.)

Meanwhile, I need a job, I need a job, I need a job. I miss working. I think I will call the volunteer attorney program today to see what I can do to help out.

Inlaws

I love my inlaws--I really do. But I though I might strangle my FIL this weekend.

DH and I made an impromptu road trip Friday afternoon to help out FIL because MIL, who had been receiving outpatient treatments at a cancer center 700 miles from their home, was admitted for inpatient care.

When we arrived in town we headed straight for the hospital, and called FIL for the specific address and to inquire where to park (on an enormous campus). He insisted on meeting us outside so that he could hop in the car and direct us where to park, instead of just telling us which lot was nearest.

So I am stuck driving up and down the the street while FIL is on the phone with DH saying "what street are you on now? are you driving toward the sun or away from the sun? nope, nope turn around, you've passed it." Yeah, we passed it because we were looking for you on the side of the road.

So we picked up FIL and he led us to the lot across the street. (Because he couldn't have told us that on the phone?) "Ok, now you push the button and a ticket comes out. You have to pay to park here." (Me, gritting teeth, not saying anything.)

"Ok, now, turn right, now turn left, now turn right." (Because there aren't giant arrows telling me which way to turn within the parking garage.)

"Ok, there, there's an open spot, park there." (Because I wasn't already planning to park there.)

Finally, finally we unload and head toward the hospital. "Ok, now you have to keep that ticket and feed it into a machine to pay when you leave."

I just kept on nodding. "I guess maybe you've done this before, huh?" To which I replied "oh, maybe a time or two." Because it's not like I live and work(ed) in a big city where I park(ed) in a parking garage every single day, and had to pay to park every time I visited another lawyer's office or airport.

I know FIL was just trying to be helpful, and I feel a little guilty for being so cranky about it. But he doesn't seem to recognize that his kids are now adults who function every day in an environment very similar to the one in which he has suddenly and unwillingly been thrust. (To be fair, the inlaws were born and raised in a smallish city, rarely travel, refuse to pay for cable, and only got a cell phone a few weeks ago because of the travels related to MIL's illness.)

We have all the necessary modern accouterments to find our way in an unfamiliar big city, and we've parked in a pay garage, navigated our way across a business complex, and visited unfamiliar cities before.

I swear, I don't know how he thinks we've managed to secure a mortgage, raise three kids, obtain graduate degrees and go to work without step-by-step instructions.

LC Unveiled

'Cause I know you've been dying to know what I look like. (I love it when I get sneak peeks at the bloggers that I follow.) DH found this app and has been making Obamicons of the entire family. PS picked out the caption.

On the job front, I have been much more relaxed since the girlies have been out of school. Frankly, the cost of summer child care is so astronomical that the financial impact of my unemployment is greatly reduced while the kids are out of school.

And the kids keep me busy, so there is not so much wallowing. Although I did feel like my brain was rotting at one point this afternoon while at the library summer program watching a 50-year old woman dressed like a cowgirl singing and riding a stick pony. I thought to myself, "a month ago I was drafting an MSJ to dispose of a multi-million-dollar lawsuit in federal court, and now I am reduced to this." But for the most part, I've enjoyed hanging with the girls.

That's not to say that I am not still job hunting. I check all of my various job boards every day and apply for everything that I am even remotely qualified for. But I haven't blasted my resume, yet. And I should probably contact a few more recruiters.

Kid Funnies

To make up for my downer post yesterday, here are comments from random children I have encountered lately.

My little monkey girl, SS, got a little carried away climbing a tree at a park and got stuck about 10 feet of the ground. I eventually went to rescue her, but she was well above my head and I had to coax her to back her way down the tree.

A little boy watching said, "My mom said I can't climb trees."

"Well, you're mom sounds smarter than me right about now."

"She only went to the 9th grade. Did you stop going to school in the 9th grade too?" I'm sure his mom was thrilled by his over sharing.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Costco behind a woman and an adorable little girl who was about 4. I'm minding my own business, when the little girls pipes up, "We're Muslim. That means we can't eat pork and my mommy has to wear a head scarf."

"Really, that's very interesting." I replied. Then she continued to educate me about her faith and question me about my shopping cart. By the time her mother finished checking out, we were like old friends.

And then today the girls went to work with DH for "take your kid to work day." DH's office makes this a huge event, with each department sponsoring an activity for the kids. At the end of the day, the kids leave with huge bags full of loot and they get paid $5 for their work.

I asked SS what she thought about DH's office, and she said, "Daddy works in the mechanical room and doesn't get any sunshine."

DH is a web developer and his office is in the server room--but I can just imagine how a stranger would interpret this!

Sadness

DH attended the memorial service today for a teen who took his own life last week. I simply can't imagine a worse pain for a parent to endure.

This child was getting ready to go to college--on the cusp of a whole new life. But at that age, and in such a state of depression, I guess it is hard to have perspective for what is in front of you.

I went through some pretty serious bouts of depression when I was a teen. I wish that I had known then how fantastic my life would turn out. That I would finally escape the insane whims of my parents and their current spouses and have control over my life. That I would meet a fantastic guy and have a very normal and happy marriage. That having kids would be the best thing that ever happened to me (and I never wanted kids!) That I would put myself through school and go on to have a successful career (even with the current bump-in-the-road.)

I wish that my teenage self would have had the perspective to see that my unhappiness was a temporary situation arising from temporary circumstances. I wish all unhappy teens could see that. And how much the decision to take your own life impacts those around you--something that I don't think you can truly grasp until you are a parent.

I hope the parents of the child who killed himself can somehow survive this--I just don't know how you could ever start living again after such a tragedy.

Contemplations

So my little unplanned 3 week vacation has had me thinking. I really like spending more time with my kiddos, cooking real dinners for my family, not having to cram all of my errands and chores into the weekend. And the relief from the constant voice in my head saying I should be working more, working harder, doing something other than whatever I happen to be doing at the moment.

That's not to say I have any intention of voluntarily continuing my unemployed status on a permanent basis. First of all, I have done the SAHM thing before, and I was not happy. I like working. I like being a lawyer. Second, I don't really have a choice--when I was previously a SAHM I did not have a disgusting amount of law school debt which can only be paid if I am working.

But I am contemplating my options for better merging of my work and home life. In an ideal world, I'd work until 3:00 pm (except when in court or depos), and be done in time to pick the girls up from school, help with homework and make dinner. Of course, this is not an ideal world.

I really liked the type of law I was practicing--complex products cases with 6 to 8 figure exposure. I would like to continue doing this kind of work--but in an environment more conducive to maintaining a home life. (Some of the firms I interviewed with seemed to indicate that this is actually possible--but I don't necessarily believe everything I hear in an interview.)

Another option is to consider going solo. This could allow me to practice in my town--cutting out 2 hours of daily commuting, and allow more flexibility over my schedule. But there are so many cons.

I could not practice the kind of law that I have been--not even on the Plaintiff's side. Prosecuting products and PI cases takes money--money for experts, money for evidence collection and analysis, money for court costs. Any no money coming in until you settle or go to court. I simply have no means of backing those kinds of cases.

And then there is overhead. At a bare minimum Westlaw or Lexis access, malpractice insurance and advertising. Ideally, office space and a phone service. And about a million more expenses, large and small.

And I would be limited to small general practice cases and family law. I really don't want to do family law. I very briefly considered family law in school and worked for a family law attorney for a short time. I quickly weeded it out as a potential career option. Family law clients are needy. You have to be nice and understanding--a handholder. I am not nice. I liked the law I practiced because my clients were corporate--not emotionally invested individuals.

And I would be starting over--this isn't the kind of law that I have been practicing over the past two years. I know the basics, but there would be a lot to learn. And going solo means no database of old pleadings and motions to turn to when I have an issue that I have never addressed before (a nice benefit to working in a firm!)

So, I guess the choice is between continuing to do what I love and balancing it with my family--or going it alone where I have more control over the home/life balance but less control over the kind of law that I practice.

But this is not a choice that will be made today. For now I will continue the job search--as DH pointed out, it's only been 3 weeks. But if nothing pans out by the end of the summer, I may more seriously contemplate going solo.

No more teachers . . .

Yesterday was the girls' last day of school. We did the awards ceremonies and then went out of ice cream. It's hard to believe that I now have a 6th grader and 2 3rd graders. I don't feel old enough to have a 6th grader--although my brother, who is 3 years younger, will have a high schooler next year!

PS still has friends over who spent the night--they are blessedly past the running around and screaming stage and you would never know that there are 5 kids in my house right now.

I have been far more productive the today and yesterday than I was the rest of the week. (Still not working out, gudnuff, but I did ask DH to look at the treadmill for me.) I applied for 2 jobs yesterday--which is more than I have the rest of the week combined. I cleaned the downstairs. (The reason I told PS she could have friends over was just so I would be motivated to clean!)

This morning I made monkey brains for breakfast, started a pot roast for dinner, filled out the paperwork to defer my student loans, and helped the twins fill up water balloons. As soon as I get rid of the extra kiddos we need to run errands and are heading to the library.

Oh yes, and lots of napping--I heart naps!

Why yes, yes I have been wallowing

This week has been tough. No interviews and no prospects. Yesterday I got a rejection letter from a firm where I thought the interview went really well. I have worked just about every networking contact that I know of. I am beginning to sink into a deep muddy pit of depression. I was grossly unproductive both Monday and Tuesday.

Today I dragged myself to a bar association presentation directed at women. I met up with a couple of former coworkers, which was nice. They said that lots of people in the office had mentioned how much they missed me.

I was disappointed with the presentation. It was dubbed "Inspiring Women" and was a panel discussion by several prominent female lawyers. Their spiel was that they are all successful women lawyers who have overcome adversity and have found success. Which is certainly true--they are all successful and they all began practicing at a time when women lawyers were greatly outnumbered by men.

But they made it sound like their career path was all rainbows and butterflies. "Yes you can have it all. I raised two kids and I am the managing partner at BigLawFirm."

She didn't mention what it feel like when you have to miss putting your kids to bed 3 nights in a row. Or how the very last thing in the world that you want to do on a Saturday morning after working a 65 hour week is go to a 9:00 a.m. soccer game. Except for maybe going back to work after that soccer game. Or how to handle a boss who tries to turn you into a "special situation" when you complain about working 30% more hours than you agreed to and without additional compensation--just because you are a mom.

There was no substance to their discussions--no real picture of what it is like to balance a demanding career and a family.

But I got a great piece of chocolate cake and a CLE credit, so it wasn't all for nothing.

On my way home I stopped by Target for necessaries, but ended up splurging on a vintage-look $10 t-shirt that says, "Will work for shoes" with Dorothy's ruby slippers splashed across the front. (I wanted to post a pic, but can't find the same shirt anywhere online--and my shirt is waaayyy cuter than any of the ones my google search came up with.) I don't usually buy (or even look at) Target clothes, because I don't think they hold up well, but this one fit my situation so perfectly that I couldn't resist.

No napping today

Met with temp agency recruiter. Definitely not the highlight of my day--meeting the recruiter, who was wearing a polyester suit, in a bare-bones windowless office. But they'll help me out with finding a permanent position, and in the meantime, there is a doc review project starting in another week.

I did not know that I would be locked into a doc review project once I started--so I told them that for now I am only interested in short term projects. I do not want to sign on for a 6 week project only to have the perfect job fall in my lap (which is exactly what would happen, the way my life typically works out.)

Then, DH and I decided to visit MIL this weekend. The inlaws are living out of a hotel for the next three weeks while MIL receives combo chemo/radiation treatments. They are about 700 miles from home, but only about 250 miles from us, so we thought we'd go down for the weekend to lift her spirits.

I spent the rest of my afternoon planning meals that I could make for them that MIL could possibly tolerate.

Then I researched cheap, decent hotels on Hotwire and Priceline. There are better deals to be had on Priceline, and I am better able to gauge which hotel I will end up with. But Priceline will only guarantee one bed--a problem for a family of 5. So I went with Hotwire and I ended up with the Crowne Plaza for $60/night.

Tomorrow I have another interview. Afterward, I'll cook for the inlaws and pack us up.

Friday the kids have field day at school. Usually these things end early, so DH and I will go the field day thing and then pull the kids out of school and hit the road as soon as they start wrapping up.

Okay, so I may have wallowed a little bit today.

I watched a little too much television. I made good progress through a book (it really seems to be dragging--I am sooo tempted to peek at the end and just get it over with). I took a nap.

A temp agency called to set up an interview for a doc review project. I am not excited at all. Doc review will help ease the financial strain--but I want a real job [insert whine]. I think my lack of enthusiasm stems largely from this post that I read last week. They also wanted me to fill out a job application. I hate filling out applications--it just seems to demeaning at this point in my career. It's not like they don't already have all of the information they asked for, since they clearly received my resume.

I am trying not to assume the worst because I haven't heard anything regarding the job that I interviewed for last week. (The second one--I know I'm not getting a callback from the first one, and I am just fine with that.) We are coming off of a holiday weekend, and not everybody has the life of leisure that I do.

Hopefully the fact that I have to get dressed and out of the house for an interview tomorrow will leave me less inclined to wallow.

I am such a wussie

I got all teary when Sotomayor was talking about her mom.

I thought her speech was pretty good, although she was obviously nervous. I will be interested to learn more about her as the confirmation hearings progress. I like that a female Hispanic was nominated, but I don't want to see someone on the Court merely because of her ethnicity or gender (coughPalincough).

The Great Outdoors

This morning we headed out to go geocaching and hiking at a nature preserve about 40 miles from home. We ended up hiking about 8 miles. I am shocked--we usually get about a mile before the kids are ready to give it up. And the terrain was quite a bit more rugged that we are accustomed to. But it was such a peaceful area and the weather was really nice.

Came home and threw a couple of T-bones and some corn on the grill for dinner. Meanwhile, I made this chocolate cake, which was so simple and totally yummy.

Then we discovered that TT brought home a tick. I think I successfully removed it. Unfortunately, I washed it down the sink. My subsequent google research indicates that I should have saved it for identification purposes. Fortunately, I took note of it, and my google research indicates that it is an American Dog Tick, which is not known to carry Lyme disease. (But it is known to carry Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.) I am trying not to freak out about the tick--none of us has ever had one before.

It was nice to get out of the house--especially since our entertainment bet has been severely slashed.

I really hope the job I interviewed for on Thursday works out. But of course, the more I analyze the interview, the more things I find that I could have or should have done differently. Hopefully I will hear something early next week. My positive attitude is beginning to wane and I can tell that I have a short fuse. I'm afraid that if I am unemployed for more than another week or two my family will be ready to ship me off somewhere!

Still not wallowing

I've managed to stay remarkably busy for someone who doesn't have a job. In fact, my kitchen still isn't painted. I though I was ready to hit the ground running with the paining on Tuesday, but instead spend half a day taping and draping--a bigger project in the kitchen than in other rooms.

Tuesday night the girls had their end of soccer season party at a local water-park, so that took up the rest of my afternoon and evening.

Wednesday morning I had an interview and lunch with DH afterward. I poked around on the way home, did a little window shopping and ran a couple of errands.

Yesterday, another interview. Afterward I had lunch with a former associate. She was laid off shortly after I gave notice--so we both have nothing but time on our hands.

I will admit that I am not an adventurous eater. But, I decided to expand my horizons and we went to a "latin fusion" restaurant. It was fabulous. We had plantain chips as an appetizer and I had a jerk'd brisket taco--yum! We also had a delish drink which involved frozen coke with rum and a twist of lime. Kinda like a Coke Icee with liquor. Double yum!

However, I never, ever drink in the middle of the day (this may have been the first time ever) and all I wanted was to nap the rest of the afternoon. I also think the alcohol inflamed my sinuses, so I felt like I was in a haze the rest of the day.

Today I am back to the painting--currently waiting for the primer to dry. Hopefully I will be done today, because I am really ready to have my kitchen back.

I also just set up another interview for next week--yea! But I really hope that the job that I interviewed for yesterday works out.

The Ancestral Tree

Today's interview went much better than yesterday's. It is a smaller, start-up firm and seems to be a really great environment. But apparently every firm that I have interviewed with stems from the same great tree.

We'll call that tree C & T. I actually had a co-defendant who worked for C & T and mentioned all of the offshoots (groups of partners and associates who left to form their own firms) from that firm. Apparently Old Firm was an offshoot from C & T from long ago (maybe 20 years). The firm that I received an offer from was a more recent offshoot from C & T (maybe 10 years ago). The firm that I interviewed with today was an offshoot from C & T about 1 year ago. Even one of the named partners at the firm that I interviewed at yesterday started at C & T.

So, since all of these partners started at the same place, they all know each other. This actually seems to be a benefit for me. First, they are familiar with Big Boss, so I don't really need to say much about why I was leaving. And second, the fact that I was working for old firm and left on my own, plus I had an offer from the other firm seems to provide me with a layer of respectability. I've already been through the vetting process.

Anyway, hopefully something will work out.

Disappointed

I can't say that today's interview went particularly well. Although I perfectly fit the description in the ad that was posted, I would now not even consider this position if I were not unemployed.

First, it is coverage work. I have done coverage work and I do not like it. I would not have applied for a coverage position.

Second, their minimum billable is 180 and 200 is the norm.

Third, the commute is brutal. DH works in the building next door and is commute is generally 1.5 hours each way. There is no way in hell I could do that and hit 200/month. (Oh, and they like face time, too.) DH and I talked about moving if we were both working in that area, but it is a terrible time to sell our house. Even if we could actually sell it, we would likely lose all equity--which is about all we have going for a down payment on a new house.

I'm pretty sure that I won't be getting a call back. I said going in that I wasn't interested in putting in 200/month in perpetuity, so that probably killed it right there. And she was asking about all my experience, which I was very enthusiastic about, and said, "So, you're a litigator at heart, huh?" To which I answered, "yes." Which can be interpreted as, "Yes, I thrive on the drama of the courtroom and might shrivel up and die if I were confined to my office reviewing insurance policies all day."

I did make a little speech to try to save myself, but I'm sure she saw through it, and honestly, nothing about this job appeals to me. (Although the interviewer was very nice and we actually seemed to have a lot in common. She lives a few blocks from me and her husband is in the same industry as mine.)

So we'll just consider this my warm-up for tomorrow's interview. And I am in the process of setting up another interview next week. I just wish this process would move along a little faster.

Today I scheduled two interviews for later in the week

For real jobs, not contract jobs. Woot!

One is downtown, a few blocks down from old firm. The other is in the 'burbs, a few blocks down from DH's office.

Hopefully one will pan out, but I applied for several contract positions today, just in case.

I will not wallow

I refuse to wallow in a pit of self-pity--which would be oh so easy to do--during my unemployedness and while the girls are still in school. So I got up and started prepping the kitchen for painting. I painted the rest of my downstairs the last time I was unemployed, right after the bar. But then I got a job and never made it to the kitchen.

I have been taking down all the knick-knacks and greenery that live in that useless space on top of my kitchen cabinets. It is truly disgusting up there--I think there is a 1/4" of dust coating everything. I'm pretty anal about keeping my light fixtures and ceiling fans dusted--I guess I just never thought about the tops of the cabinets.

I may paint TT's room once I get through the kitchen. We painted a castle surrounded by rolling hills when the twins were toddlers, and now she wants a big girl room. But we used textured paint for the castle, which is going to be a PITA to get off the walls.

Also on my to do list (excluding the obvious job hunting):

• pick up dry cleaning
• send out MIL's Mother's Day gift (there is a perfectly excusable reason why this hasn't been done already, but I won't bore you)
• finish making the girls' jeans into shorts
• remove winter clothing from girls' closets
• Spray the lawn with week killer (because the $40 bag of Weed 'n' Feed did nothing by feed the weeds)
• Laundry, laundry, laundry

And I have a brisket in the oven for dinner. I think my family's favorite part of my joblessness is that I am cooking real meals again. We typically eat out a lot. So the first step in our new frugalness is to start eating at home. Which isn't really a sacrifice because homemade food is so much better, and I am a halfway decent cook.

The End

Today went well. My secretary ordered a big cookie and invited the office to come say goodbye. (Which in true Cake Wrecks fashion said, "Will Miss You"--I loved it!) It was noted by many that Big Boss would have flipped had he come upon our little get together--which just made it that much better.

I received lots of hugs and good wishes. Several people offered to pass my resume along and others volunteered to serve as references. Most agreed that I was making the right decision. (Although many did not know the whole story and so responding to "Where are you going?" was a little awkward.)

I left with the feeling that I was well-liked by my co-workers and that they seemed genuinely sad to see me go.

Now I am hitting the ground running with the job hunting. I applied for 5 jobs today, most of which I am well qualified for (a nice change from when I was hunting for entry-level positions.) Hopefully I'll start interviewing next week, and of course, I'll continue searching and sending out my resume.

Advice for life: Always be nice to everybody

This is something that I tell my kids a lot. Be especially kind to the ones that every one else is not so kind to.

I was recently friended on Facebook by a high school classmate. He was a nerdy kid who was pretty much ignored by everyone. We didn't hang out together, but I always tried to be nice to him, and we had all of our honors classes together. Now he has a Ph.D. in physics and has a fancy job in D.C., presumably making buckets more money than most of the cool kids with whom we went to school. You just never know where someone is going to end up. (Especially those "nerdy" kids.)

And today I mentioned to the service center guy that tomorrow was my last day. The service center guys are pretty much the bottom of the office totem pole--and a lot of people seem to treat them as such. But Service Center Guy and I always joked around and I treated him the same as I would any attorney that I work with. So, when I mentioned that I was leaving and why, he told me that his wife also works in a law firm and that they are looking for an attorney. Maybe it'll work and and maybe it won't, but I wouldn't even have that opportunity if I didn't have a relationship with Service Center Guy.

As it turns out, lots of people in my firm are trying to help with my situation. A secretary gave me the name of another firm that is hiring, and another associate gave me the link for his law school's job board. Next week, I'm meeting two other associates at a bar association meeting targeted at women-hopefully a good networking opportunity.

Even Partner called today and told me to use him as a reference (yes, I was shocked.) I think he was impressed that I was still working and sending out email about my cases today. But I am determined to leave with my character in tact.

Oh, and I got a request from another firm to do an interview next week! I haven't even started sending out my resume yet. (I was trying to jazz it up a little bit yesterday before I started sending it out.) I think the recruiter I was working with sent them my info--even though she can't collect a recruiting fee from that firm.

Things are looking up. Hopefully my unemployment will be short-lived and I will be moving on to bigger and better in no time.

It's 2:00 p.m.--do you know where L.C. is?

Sitting on my couch.

I was up at 4:15 this morning to make a 7:30 flight for an out-of town deposition. I have already billed 9 hours today. Typically, I would be expected to return to the office and put in at least another 4 hours. It was nice to come home.

As Kady in her comment to my last post, I pulled some of the older posts. They were very angry and bitter, and now that I have had my chance to bitch and whine and receive all of your sympathy and well wishes, I pulled them (hopefully) before they achieve permanence on the internet.

But the quick rundown is that I was offered another job that seemed like the polar opposite of my current firm, where I have been quite unhappy. After the new firm extended their offer and I put in notice, a conflict arose. (I thought a preliminary conflict check had already been run because the new firm already knew of one conflict.) My firm won't waive the conflict. They initially counter-offered with more money and better hours, and when I tried to pin them down on specifics they back-pedaled and refused to give me actual numbers. I said that I wouldn't withdraw my resignation unless we came to an agreement as to salary and hours--which never happened. Meanwhile, the new firm withdrew their offer due to the conflict. Therefore, I will be unemployed as of Friday.

The whole situation sucks frog huevos* but I am determined to come out on top.

* Hat tip to PT for adding that phraseology to my lexicon.

Done

So, it looks like I am unemployed as of Friday. Partner wouldn't even look at me today (Big Boss was out all day). I think it speaks volumes that my superiors are incapable of being mature and professional while I am continuing to do my job through Friday like I said I would. Apparently class and dignity is not their strong suit. The good news is that I am attending an out of town deposition tomorrow and both Big Boss and Partner are out of the office Thursday and Friday. So I never have to see them again, and can live out my final days in peace.

I am pretty much ok with my decision. I think that if I stayed my anger and bitterness over Big Boss's actions would have made me far more miserable than I already was. Their counter-offer followed by back-pedaling simply underscores why I was leaving in the first place and makes me all the more confident about leaving.

My unemployed status will certainly require some sacrifices, but I think we can pull through. Hell, we lived on a single income for almost 10 years before I got a job.

And I am looking forward to getting to spend some time with the girlies. There is a lot going on at the end of the year, and I am glad that I will be able to participate.

So, fingers crossed, my unemployed status will last just long enough to feel like a vacation, allow me to regroup, reorganize my life, and hang with the kiddos for a couple of weeks. I am so tired of the drama and truly ready to move on.

Bitten in the ass by karma

Today has sucked. I am beginning to think that I have royally f'd up my life in every possible way.

First, I found that the imaginary conflict that Big Boss mentioned is not imaginary. That is a problem, because it is a case that I am actively involved with. New Firm hasn't told me what they plan to do, but I imagine they will want a conflict waiver. And I'm not at all sure that Big Boss will give it to me.

About the same time that I was finding this out I got a call from Lucy informing me that she wouldn't be picking up the kids from school today. Thanks for the whopping 3 hours' notice. I asked if she was planning to pick them up next week and she told me that she was quitting if I wasn't going to use her over the summer. Fan-freaking-tastic.

I understand that she is angry about having her hours cut, but we have treated her very well otherwise. She just doesn't get that we can't afford to pay her over the summer. To employ her full-time would be more than $2500/month. And economics is only half the issue, anyway.

The twins just curled up in my lap and cried when I told them that Lucy had quit. I felt like the mean mom of the year. I am pretty peeved that she left without even bothering to tell them goodbye.

Oh, but it just keeps getting better. It turns out that Jen is nuts. You know what they say, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is." Anyway, this afternoon she sent me an email about the summer saying that she would need Wednesday afternoons off to attend a particular class.

That particular class is a particular kind of therapy for people with borderline personality disorder. BPD is more than depression and just short of psychosis.

Now, it's not like this came out of the clear blue sky. I had noticed a few quirky personality traits. And yesterday she said something to me that I had already intended to look into.

But BPD is serious. It would be fine if she were just a housekeeper, or my secretary or a coworker. But this is somebody who is caring for my children. Someone who might have issues with judgment or making impulsive decisions. Caring for my children. And on the minor end of the spectrum (although increasingly problematic if I actually do start a new job) someone who might not be dependable.

So I'm thinking that I will be returning to my original summer plan of putting the girls in a day camp. I will talk to Jen first, but I am very concerned about allowing someone with BPD care for my children all summer long.

And of course, I no longer have Lucy as a back-up.

I honestly don't think my life could be any more f'd up right now. I may or may not have a job in two weeks. I may or may not have a babysitter for the summer. At least DH hasn't left me yet.

Can I have one more uncomfortable conversation today? Please?

So I turned in my resignation to Big Boss this morning. It was obvious that Partner had already tipped him off. He pretty much just said, "ok, whatever."

Well, then he added, "But you know there's a conflict with the X case? I mean, that could be a problem for you. The client would have to waive the conflict, and I just don't know whether they will do that for you. I'm going to have to think about what to do about that." [No this is not THE conflict case. Big Boss doesn't know about that case.]

Which was complete and total BS. I have been involved from the very beginning of X case. It is in pre-litigation--if the other side has retained counsel, they haven't bothered to tell us about it. What's more, even if there were a true conflict, this is a very small case taken by Big Boss solely as a favor to a friend. It's unimaginable that the client would not grant the waiver if asked by Big Boss. But really--I have no idea what is up with this imaginary conflict.

The rest of the day went smoothly. Big Boss was surprisingly pleasant. But then he started giving me assignments on brand new cases that I had never worked on. WTH? Why on earth would you give someone whose halfway out the door new assignments.

He's also bumping up a bunch of deadlines on another case that I have worked on so that I will have everything done before I leave--but at least that makes sense.

Then this evening, I had to have a chat with our nanny, Lucy. I have posted before about having issues with her. She is incredibly dependable and loves the twins like a grandmother. But she doesn't get along with PS at all and clearly favors the twins. And she is increasingly reluctant to take the kids places--which is why I have a nanny in the first place. A few weeks ago her car battery died when she was picking up the girls from school. Instead of just walking home (we live 4 blocks from school and the weather was nice!) she called one of our neighbors to come pick them up. This neighbor doesn't even pick her own kids up from school!

Anyway, DH and I decided that we were not going to use her over the summer. We used her last summer, and it was so very expensive that it nearly broke us. A day camp would cost only 60% what we paid her--so that was what we were planning to do for the summer. I told her this two months ago, so that she would have adequate time to plan or make other arrangements for the summer.

Since that time, we have been using another sitter, Jen two days a week. Jen also cleans house, and has been doing a fantastic job. She loves hanging out with all of the girls, and has been begging to get to take them more places. So, I talked to Jen about reducing her regular hourly rate and taking a full-time position over the summer. Jen's salary would be in line with what we would pay for day camp, we would still have the convenience of having the girls in their own home, and she would take the girls to the pool several times a week and where ever else they would like to go. Oh, and she'd still be helping out with the housework.

So, because Lucy had been pumping the kids for info about their summer plans, I felt that I needed to share this information with her. Needless to say, she was not happy. She has mentioned more than once that we are "rich" now, so I guess she didn't believe my statement that this was a largely economic decision. I also told her that I wanted someone who would take the kids places and keep them busy all summer. She replied that kids are just too busy now days and need more time at home.

Then she said, "I can't believe you are treating me this way. I was with you when you were going to school, and you just come in and replace me with someone else. And to treat an older person like that is just wrong."

Ok, I understand that she is unhappy, I really do. But 1) I could never get away with speaking to my employer in such a way; and 2) I found someone who does her job better for less pay (no, she's not illegal, and yes, she's earning a fair amount above minimum wage.) I am not going to put my family under financial strain because Lucy thinks I owe her something.* The only reason that she is still around at all is because the twins love her. I don't want to be unfair to her, but she is no longer the best thing for our family.

* No, I don't think that I am causing her financial strain. Of course, I don't know her finances, but based on what I do know about her personal life, I think she works for her "mad money." And that is why I have her 3 months notice of our summer plans--she could certainly pick up another summer job if that is what she wanted to do.

Good weekend

This weekend has been exactly what I needed--relaxing.

The twins had a sleepover Friday night, so it was just PS, DH and I. We thought PS was overdue for some mommy/daddy time, so we went out to dinner and then to a new hangout for bowling, go-cart racing and video gaming. PS had a great time getting all of our attention and we were all pooped by the time we finally made it home at nearly 11:00 p.m.

Saturday morning we were up and at 'em for soccer games. DH took PS to her game, and I was to pick up the twins and head out to TT's game. I made it halfway to the soccer fields when I realized that I hadn't picked up the twins! I think I am losing my mind. Fortunately, I was running ahead of schedule, so my absent mindedness didn't make us late. After the games we all went out for brunch at a local diner. It was nice and relaxing and unhurried. (I almost hate gong out to dinner anymore, because there is always a long wait and the restaurants are always crowded and so loud you can hardly carry on a conversation.)

Then I went out shopping for MIL. She has lost more than 30 lbs. since the cancer returned last November and none of her clothes fit anymore, so I bought her a couple of new spring outfits. (And I may have picked up a new sweater for myself. But it was only $15, and I'm a sucker for a bargain.) But I was so caught up in my shopping that I didn't realize it had started pouring. In the 150' that I ran from the store to my car I got completely, to the skin drenched. It looked like I had just dived into a pool fully clothed. I was only 10 minutes from home, and thankful that I was in the Behemoth because the roads were flooding and I don't think I would have made it in the clown car. My phone started ringing just as I was pulling into the garage--DH was trying to tell me that we were under a tornado warning. It poured buckets the rest of the day, which was a fantastic excuse to nap and generally be a bum.

More slovenliness today. I need to draft my letter of resignation, but I am procrastinating. I am not looking forward to breaking the news to Big Boss. But I think once I get over that hump, I can start really looking forward to the change.

I'm neck deep in now.

Friday did not go at all the way I intended, but the waiver shouldn't be a problem and I talked to Partner about leaving. I was told that I was up for a big raise and offered more money to stay. I was surprised by how they want to keep me.

I was very forthcoming with my reasons for leaving and I think I set off some alarm bells.

I will talk to Big Boss on Monday officially tender my resignation. I wanted to talk to him first, but Partner will be out most of next week and I really wanted to talk to Partner in person. And new firm wants me ASAP.

Overall, Friday was stressful--and I don't know what to anticipate on Monday.