But wait, there's more

What a week! Along with Michael Jackson's untimely death, Farrah Fawcett earned her angel's wings after a long battle with cancer, and Ed McMahon may team up again with Johnny Carson in the afterlife. But as I think about who had the most profound effect on my life, with his ready-made solutions to all of life's problems, sometimes one's I didn't even know I had...

As I ponder, comparatively,
Who I'll miss to the highest degree;
Amid choice upon choice,
Sounds his singular voice:
"Billy Mays here!" "as seen on TV."

Billy Mays dies at 50; boisterous TV pitchman
By Richard Fausset , Los Angeles Times, 6/29/09

Bad news

The news of his death seemed a killer
Like a 510 lb. gorilla.
In his own Neverland,
Michael seldom was bland;
And we'll likely not see such a thriller.

Michael Jackson's death catches
entertainment journalists unprepared
By Tina Susman, Los Angeles Times, 6/27/09

Octomom vs. Dr. Mindbender

This self-absorbed mother is still
Being run through the media mill?
With all this exposure
We think, Heaven knows, you're
Just giving her ego its Phil.

Suleman says hospital wants proof she can care for octuplets
She tells TV host 'Dr. Phil' McGraw she fears that they
may not be released until she has a better living arrangement.
She and her six other children live at her mother's house
By Jessica Garrison and Kimi Yoshino
The Los Angeles Times, 2/25/09

The seX Files

An addiction (not mastered) abated
By going to rehab. So stated
Duchovny to Press.
Can it be a success
As long as his Files are X-rated?

[this one should be good for lots of hits on the search engines]

Duchovny: Sex Addict Onscreen and Off
By Luchina Fisher, ABC News, 8/29/08

Who needs a presidency?

You have watched as her empire has grown.
Now, a network that's hers all alone?
For serious bettors,
You know the call letters
Mean there's nothing that O. won't soon...

Oprah Winfrey and Discovery to Create New Cable Network
By Edward Wyatt, The New York Times, 1/16/08

A swing...and a miss

The Mitchell Report has me stumped.
You’d think that the sport has been thumped
But it mainly avoids
Facing Baseball v. ‘Roids.
It appears that its import’s been pumped.

Mitchell Report: Some titillation but mostly a whiff
By Art Thiel, Seattle Post Intelligencer, 12/14/07

What happens in Vegas

A message from
The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority

We, in Vegas, won’t tattle the tale;
But good judgment should, surely, prevail.
We think that the Juice
Has played fast and loose.
Who steals here, will stay here – in jail!

O.J. on Las Vegas hotel incident: 'I've done nothing wrong'
By Scott Glover, The Los Angeles Times, 9/16/07

If I Ignored It...

would it go away?

Though the Goldmans deserve every credit
If they publish his book (with their edit,)
If I Did It 's a joke
Like no fire where there's smoke.
Would I learn something new, if I read it?

Victims’ families feud over O.J.’s ‘If I Did It’ book
Denise Brown accuses Goldmans of “commercializing blood money”
By Mike Celizic, NBC, The TODAY Show, 8/15/07

Record* catch!

Seems Barry is joining the ranks
Of the greats with achievements like Hank's.
If using the 'roids
Automatically voids
His record, this guy still says, "Thanks!"



Record baseball may be worth $1m
BBC News, 8/8/07

Harry Potter and the Tempest in a Teapot

World conflict may teeter and totter
But no topic today will be hotter
Than the fate of young Harry.
Aren't you just a bit wary
That you're clay being molded by 'Potter?'

Kids' Grief Counselors Wait By Phones
in Case Harry Potter Dies
By Mark Herlihy, Bloomberg, 7/20/07

Harry Potter wants to be free? Huh?
Sharing knowledge is one thing,
stealing information is another
By David Lazarus, The San Francisco Chronicle, 7/20/07

Spoiler Frenzy Follows Early Mailing of 'Hallows'
By Monica Hesse, The Washington Post, 7/19/07

An Epic Showdown as Harry Potter Is Initiated Into Adulthood
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS Book Review
By Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times, 7/19/07
[Warning: this could be a spoiler]

Whole Foods CEO selling spam?

It remains to be seen, Savant notes,
The effect that it had on stock quotes;
But it's certainly tacky,
The way that John Mackey
Has chosen to so-so Wild Oats.

Their new logo?


read more digg story
Whole Foods CEO belittled rival anonymously before bid
The Los Angeles Times, 7/12/07

Rhyme of the patient Mariner

Seattle seemed seated in clover
When the curve-ball was tossed them by Grover.
It's hard to believe
He would just up and leave.
"When it's over," said Grover, "it's over."

Hargrove still peepless in Seattle
on any other reason for his resignation

Hargrove's integrity shines on
As both player and skipper, dedication mattered most

Hargrove Stuns Mariners, Resigning Amid Success
The New York Times, 7/2/07

Trademark infringement?

San Antonio challenged our fitness,
In Cleveland, to Rise-up^® and Witness^® ;
But expecting LeBron
To take it all on
Is a failure to Take Care of Bitness^®!

Cavs bow out but expectations rise up
By Bud Shaw, The Plain Dealer, 6/15/07

Paradise lost; regained; lost?

That Paris returned to her Hilton
May not merit an epic by Milton,
But limericks are easy;
And justice, this cheesy,
Rates a stink even worse than a Stilton!

It's sprung time for Hilton
After her early exit from jail,
an angry judge calls her back to court today.
By Megan Garvey and Andrew Blankstein
The Los Angeles Times, 6/8/07

I read the news today; oh boy!

I remember the times seemed so rife
With famine, with war, and with strife.
Then that mind-blowing day
Pepper taught us to play…
Yet, today, it's a day in the life.

'Sgt. Pepper': It Was 40 Years Ago Today
Time, 6/1/07

The usual suspect

The Hiltons aren't likely to dare us
To choose who of them could embarrass
The family name.
Might be many to blame,
But they know we will always have Paris.

Seven key dates in Hilton history
The author of 'House of Hilton' gives us his picks
By Deborah Netburn, The Los Angeles Times, 5/9/07

So it goes

Kurt Vonnegut’s writing defined
A phase that expanded my mind.
Thus, I owe him a debt
And, so, cannot forget
That "God damn it, you’ve got to be kind."

"Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies — 'God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'"
-------Mr. Rosewater in Vonnegut's
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater, or Pearls Before Swine

Kurt Vonnegut, Novelist Who Caught the
Imagination of His Age, Is Dead at 84
By Dinitia Smith, The New York Times, 4/12/07

WWJD?

What would Jesse (or Mel, or Al, or Michael) do?

Mister Imus is sure on his own,
But it seems Rev'rend Jackson's been prone
To use racist speech.
Yet, shouldn't he teach:
"Let he, without slurs, cast the stone?"

Misogyny in the Morning
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 4/10/07

Knut ist ein Berliner

A polar bear cub, kname of Knut,
Has caused quite a heated dispute:
Is he better off dead?
Raised by humans, instead?
Would this matter if Knut weren't so kcute?


Rejected by his mother, Knut is forced to clean dishes
at the Berlin Zoo to earn his keep. Animal rights activists
say he would have died of dishpan paws in the wild.

*For those curious about the title: a short history lesson courtesy of Wikipedia

Rejected at birth, Knut becomes Berlin zoo's bear essential
By Kate Connolly, The Guardian, 3/24/07

The Maines event

Down in Dixie, they’ve taken their licks
But they broadened their base in ’06.
Now the band’s been redeemed
This week, so it seemed,
When the Grammy’s made nice with the Chicks.

Grammy Sweep by Dixie Chicks Is Seen as a Vindication
By Jeff Leeds, The New York Time, 2/13/07