As the evidence quickly amasses
What a danger Cialis, alas, is;
I'm hoping they find
It won't make me blind
If I use it just 'til I need glasses.
[Thanks to the Woody that inspired this limerick; "Allen," that is!]
Viagra blindness fears prompt inquiry
The Guardian, 5/28/05
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Creighton Lovelace = Loveless Cretin
The Koran next encountered a brush
With a pastor who'd give it the flush.
There's no use us treatin'
This new loveless cretin
As more than just Southern fried mush.
Keith Olbermann (MSNBC) interview with Creighton Lovelace
as viewed at onegoodmove
With a pastor who'd give it the flush.
There's no use us treatin'
This new loveless cretin
As more than just Southern fried mush.
Keith Olbermann (MSNBC) interview with Creighton Lovelace
as viewed at onegoodmove
Biting the hand that feeds
To the yea-sayers (both of you):
It has been a little over a year since I started this blog and over 3 years since I began the Limerick Savant project, inspired by events of September 11, 2001 and their repercussions. So, this seems as good a time as any to reflect on why I'm still here and what I hope to accomplish.
Oh, who am I kidding? Consider the following as the Savant's special "thank you" to those of you who have supported him with you e-mails, comments, links, groans, outright hostility or utter neglect. None of it seems to have had any effect.
I carefully fashion my rhyme
To insult both profane and sublime.
You're not yet offended?
That wasn't intended;
You simply must give me more time!
15 Minutes of Irony
It has been a little over a year since I started this blog and over 3 years since I began the Limerick Savant project, inspired by events of September 11, 2001 and their repercussions. So, this seems as good a time as any to reflect on why I'm still here and what I hope to accomplish.
Oh, who am I kidding? Consider the following as the Savant's special "thank you" to those of you who have supported him with you e-mails, comments, links, groans, outright hostility or utter neglect. None of it seems to have had any effect.
I carefully fashion my rhyme
To insult both profane and sublime.
You're not yet offended?
That wasn't intended;
You simply must give me more time!
15 Minutes of Irony
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Judge Wars III: The New Hope
Disappointment for Senator Frist:
Filibuster got slapped on the wrist
Instead of the "nuke;"
When, like Vader and Luke,
Senate moderates made-up and kissed.
The Senate saves itself
By Scot Lehigh, The Boston Globe, 5/25/05
Filibuster got slapped on the wrist
Instead of the "nuke;"
When, like Vader and Luke,
Senate moderates made-up and kissed.
The Senate saves itself
By Scot Lehigh, The Boston Globe, 5/25/05
Thursday, May 19, 2005
The 'Sith' hits the fans
Choose your review
George Lucas, it's time that you quit
Replicating the same sorry hit.
Could that title reveal
That the "Star Wars" appeal
Has morphed to "Revenge of the Sh*t?"
or
The likeness, we have to admit,
Is an ideological fit;
But our own tragic tale,
In which Bush doth prevail,
Is more aptly "Revenge of the ____."
Latest 'Star Wars' Movie Is Quickly Politicized
By DAVID M. HALBFINGER, The New York Times, 5/19/05
George Lucas, it's time that you quit
Replicating the same sorry hit.
Could that title reveal
That the "Star Wars" appeal
Has morphed to "Revenge of the Sh*t?"
or
The likeness, we have to admit,
Is an ideological fit;
But our own tragic tale,
In which Bush doth prevail,
Is more aptly "Revenge of the ____."
Latest 'Star Wars' Movie Is Quickly Politicized
By DAVID M. HALBFINGER, The New York Times, 5/19/05
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Wasn't that "nukyoolar?"
According to Senator Frist,
"We won't let our judges be 'dissed.'
If, votes, we can't muster
To kill filibuster;
We'll give it the nuclear twist."
Showdown in Senate on judicial filibusters
By Carolyn Lochhead, Chronicle Washington Bureau
San Fransisco Chronicle, 5/18/05
"We won't let our judges be 'dissed.'
If, votes, we can't muster
To kill filibuster;
We'll give it the nuclear twist."
Showdown in Senate on judicial filibusters
By Carolyn Lochhead, Chronicle Washington Bureau
San Fransisco Chronicle, 5/18/05
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Come, set a spell
Here's a site that is serving us well
On the way to typographer's hell.
You'll get there much quickr
By picking with flickr
And letting your words cast the spell
On the way to typographer's hell.
You'll get there much quickr
By picking with flickr
And letting your words cast the spell
Monday, May 16, 2005
Reputation in the toilet
Seems NewsWeek was so in a rush
To play their Guantanamo flush
That the story they ran,
About the Koran,
Is giving them reason to blush.
Newsweek Apologizes
Inaccurate Report on Koran Led to Riots
By Howard Kurtz, Washington Post, 5/16/05
To play their Guantanamo flush
That the story they ran,
About the Koran,
Is giving them reason to blush.
Newsweek Apologizes
Inaccurate Report on Koran Led to Riots
By Howard Kurtz, Washington Post, 5/16/05
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Georgia on my mind
Was safety in Georgia waylaid?
And why was the news so delayed?
They felt no dismay:
If Bush was the prey,
Then it must be a "dummy" grenade.
What goes around, comes around?
White House: Grenade Was No Threat to Bush
The Guardian, 5/11/05
And why was the news so delayed?
They felt no dismay:
If Bush was the prey,
Then it must be a "dummy" grenade.
What goes around, comes around?
White House: Grenade Was No Threat to Bush
The Guardian, 5/11/05
Monday, May 09, 2005
Real ID = Real Trouble
Friday, May 06, 2005
Questions of sanity
With insanity used as a ploy
His attorney called him a "sick boy."
Does showing free will,
Even though he was ill,
Make Charles the real McCoy?
Closing Argument in Highway Shooting Trial
The Guardian, 5/5/05
His attorney called him a "sick boy."
Does showing free will,
Even though he was ill,
Make Charles the real McCoy?
Closing Argument in Highway Shooting Trial
The Guardian, 5/5/05
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Holocaust Remembrance Day
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Blushing bride
We will pity the runaway bride.
She can run but she clearly can't hide;
And the kidnapping hoax
Makes her butt of all jokes.
All to have wedding plans set aside?
Cold feet could land runaway bride in jail
The Guardian, 5/2/05
She can run but she clearly can't hide;
And the kidnapping hoax
Makes her butt of all jokes.
All to have wedding plans set aside?
Cold feet could land runaway bride in jail
The Guardian, 5/2/05
Saturday, April 30, 2005
More revisionist rhetoric
What does the report represent?
It depends on how truth can be bent:
For if you are free
Of those Dubya M D,
We'll attack you for just your intent.
Report Finds No Evidence Syria Hid Iraqi Arms
By Dana Priest, the Washington Post, 4/26/05
It depends on how truth can be bent:
For if you are free
Of those Dubya M D,
We'll attack you for just your intent.
Report Finds No Evidence Syria Hid Iraqi Arms
By Dana Priest, the Washington Post, 4/26/05
Friday, April 29, 2005
Maybe it's just the ivory-billed woodpecker
The PATRIOT act caught us napping
As our liberties took a good rapping;
But, never you fear,
That sound that you hear
Isn't Big Brother a-tapping.
Wiretaps in U.S. Jump 19 Percent in 2004
By Devlin Barrett, The Guardian, 4/28/05
As our liberties took a good rapping;
But, never you fear,
That sound that you hear
Isn't Big Brother a-tapping.
Wiretaps in U.S. Jump 19 Percent in 2004
By Devlin Barrett, The Guardian, 4/28/05
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Good news: the ivory-bill has not passed
Extinction is Nature's home wrecker:
But thanks to an Arkansas trekker
We could save "ivory-bills,"
And no little blue pills
Are required for reviving this pecker.
[N.B. Thanks to cyberthrush at Ivory-bills LiVE!! for linking and making me think about changing the last line to what you see above. LS 4/18/07]
Ivory-Billed Woodpecker Rediscovered in Arkansas
NPR Radio Expedition, 4/28/05
But thanks to an Arkansas trekker
We could save "ivory-bills,"
And no little blue pills
Are required for reviving this pecker.
[N.B. Thanks to cyberthrush at Ivory-bills LiVE!! for linking and making me think about changing the last line to what you see above. LS 4/18/07]
Ivory-Billed Woodpecker Rediscovered in Arkansas
NPR Radio Expedition, 4/28/05
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Bolton nomination is U.N.done
All hail George Voinovich
The news that his anger was molten
And he bullied his staff was so joltin',
That the Dems can give thanks,
In Republican ranks,
Some members are leanin' towards boltin'.
In surprise, vote on Bolton delayed
GOP senator asks to hear more
The Boston Globe, 4/20/05
The news that his anger was molten
And he bullied his staff was so joltin',
That the Dems can give thanks,
In Republican ranks,
Some members are leanin' towards boltin'.
In surprise, vote on Bolton delayed
GOP senator asks to hear more
The Boston Globe, 4/20/05
Mel Gibson is happy
The conclave selected a pope
Who won't slide down that slippery slope.
So it seems "Cardinal No,"
Keeping doctrine in tow,
Will be known now as "Pope of the Nope."
From Hitler Youth to the Vatican
The Guardian, 4/20/05
Who won't slide down that slippery slope.
So it seems "Cardinal No,"
Keeping doctrine in tow,
Will be known now as "Pope of the Nope."
From Hitler Youth to the Vatican
The Guardian, 4/20/05
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Keeping abreast of silicone II
In an F.D.A. policy shift,
That should leave the competitors miffed:
Seems Mentor may sell
Its silicone gel,
Which should give all their boobs a big lift.
Having exhausted more breast puns than even he can tolerate, and not to minimize the real need for safe alternatives for those needing reconstuctive surgery; the Savant suggests you visit this very worthy site:
FDA panel supports firm's breast implant
The Boston Globe, 4/14/05
That should leave the competitors miffed:
Seems Mentor may sell
Its silicone gel,
Which should give all their boobs a big lift.
Having exhausted more breast puns than even he can tolerate, and not to minimize the real need for safe alternatives for those needing reconstuctive surgery; the Savant suggests you visit this very worthy site:
FDA panel supports firm's breast implant
The Boston Globe, 4/14/05
Let history or Roger Waters decide
In an act of unparalleled gall,
Mr. Bush ranked Saddam Hussein's fall.
Pink Floyd might object
To this lack of respect
In comparing his war to "The Wall."
Support our troops; not our boobs!
[NB: In his hubris, Bush really thinks his war is on a par with the war against Fascism and the fall of the Third Reich but he couldn't spell "Fascism" and doesn't know how to pronounce "Reich."]
Bush likens Saddam's fall to end of Berlin Wall
By Bill Sammon, The Washington Times, 4/13/05
Mr. Bush ranked Saddam Hussein's fall.
Pink Floyd might object
To this lack of respect
In comparing his war to "The Wall."
Support our troops; not our boobs!
[NB: In his hubris, Bush really thinks his war is on a par with the war against Fascism and the fall of the Third Reich but he couldn't spell "Fascism" and doesn't know how to pronounce "Reich."]
Bush likens Saddam's fall to end of Berlin Wall
By Bill Sammon, The Washington Times, 4/13/05
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
No support for silicone breasts
In silicone, some place their trust;
Some feel they just pander to lust.
But to keep you abreast
Of the F.D.A. test:
The implants are still a big bust!
Panel upholds breast implant rule
FDA advisors vote to keep partial ban on silicone devices
San Francisco Chronicle, 4/13/05
Some feel they just pander to lust.
But to keep you abreast
Of the F.D.A. test:
The implants are still a big bust!
Panel upholds breast implant rule
FDA advisors vote to keep partial ban on silicone devices
San Francisco Chronicle, 4/13/05
Friday, April 08, 2005
Papal funeral delegation
A message from our administration
Among living leaders of state
We're afraid Jimmy Carter won't rate.
Instead he's been snubbed
For the one to be dubbed
Our own Condoleeza 'the Great.'
Carter's Absence From Group Reignites Tensions With Bush
By Peter Baker, The Washington Post, 4/8/05
Among living leaders of state
We're afraid Jimmy Carter won't rate.
Instead he's been snubbed
For the one to be dubbed
Our own Condoleeza 'the Great.'
Carter's Absence From Group Reignites Tensions With Bush
By Peter Baker, The Washington Post, 4/8/05
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Skip the crises; I am Pisces
The Savant has just gotten his wish
And grown out of that old Petri dish:
TLB's ecosystem
Will currently list him
Among all the "Flippery Fish!"
The Truth Laid Bear Blgosphere Ecosystem
And grown out of that old Petri dish:
TLB's ecosystem
Will currently list him
Among all the "Flippery Fish!"
The Truth Laid Bear Blgosphere Ecosystem
Friday, April 01, 2005
Untapped Laughter
My knowledge, I fear, had a gap
About maples and why we must tap:
This explosive report,
For a sec, took me short
'Til I realized I was the sap!
Thanks to Robert Siegel and the NPR bunch for catching the Savant off guard, this evening, on his usually tedious commute. You had me LOL the whole way home!
New England Suffers Maple Woes
By Robert Siegel, All Things Considered, NPR, 4/1/05
About maples and why we must tap:
This explosive report,
For a sec, took me short
'Til I realized I was the sap!
Thanks to Robert Siegel and the NPR bunch for catching the Savant off guard, this evening, on his usually tedious commute. You had me LOL the whole way home!
New England Suffers Maple Woes
By Robert Siegel, All Things Considered, NPR, 4/1/05
Life with dignity
Death makes us all April fools
As we ponder the ethical scope
Of a death, be it Schiavo or pope -
That the pontiff may choose,
While another refuse;
Is the concept that gives us all hope.
Moral Clarity
CBS News, 3/31/05
Two very different lives exposed by the media grip us all
Daniel Schorr, The Christian Science Monitor, 4/1/05
As we ponder the ethical scope
Of a death, be it Schiavo or pope -
That the pontiff may choose,
While another refuse;
Is the concept that gives us all hope.
Moral Clarity
CBS News, 3/31/05
Two very different lives exposed by the media grip us all
Daniel Schorr, The Christian Science Monitor, 4/1/05
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Pentagon passes brass
The prisoner abuse epidemic
Has turned into quite the polemic.
In the latest report
Adm. Church will purport
That the problem was never systemic.
Documents show widespread prisoner abuse
Air Force Times, 3/28/05
Pentagon Report Clears Top Officers in Iraq Prison Abuse
NPR, 3/10/05
Has turned into quite the polemic.
In the latest report
Adm. Church will purport
That the problem was never systemic.
Documents show widespread prisoner abuse
Air Force Times, 3/28/05
Pentagon Report Clears Top Officers in Iraq Prison Abuse
NPR, 3/10/05
Friday, March 25, 2005
Old Ojibwe saying: Never laugh at your children
[Gego baapiineminaken gidaabinoojiiyug]
In Red Lake we have reservation
As to whence came this sad aberration.
The pox of our age -
The white-man's dark rage -
Has infected the Chippewa nation.
Horror and hope at Red Lake Nation
By Scott Richard Lyons, Indian Country Today, 3/23/05
In Red Lake we have reservation
As to whence came this sad aberration.
The pox of our age -
The white-man's dark rage -
Has infected the Chippewa nation.
Horror and hope at Red Lake Nation
By Scott Richard Lyons, Indian Country Today, 3/23/05
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Where there's a Will, there's a way
Now conservatives scramble to muster
Enough votes that will kill filibuster;
And so it appears,
That over the years,
Mr. Smith and George Will lost their luster.
Why Filibusters Should Be Allowed
George F. Will, The Washington Post, 3/20/05
Enough votes that will kill filibuster;
And so it appears,
That over the years,
Mr. Smith and George Will lost their luster.
Why Filibusters Should Be Allowed
George F. Will, The Washington Post, 3/20/05
Monday, March 21, 2005
Cursed
Exposing political crimes
May prompt these polemical rhymes
But the cruelest of curses
Gives fuel to these verses:
That we live in such int'resting times!
May You Live in Interesting Times
By Tereze Gluck
[an unashamed plug for a friend]
May prompt these polemical rhymes
But the cruelest of curses
Gives fuel to these verses:
That we live in such int'resting times!
May You Live in Interesting Times
By Tereze Gluck
[an unashamed plug for a friend]
Saturday, March 19, 2005
The Savant's living will
Let me go without Delay!
What a shock that we can't all agree
Over what Terri's fate ought to be.
Well, if e'er comes my day,
Please don't let Tom Delay
Be the one who will watch over me!
[NB: For a description of Tom Delay, please see previous post]
Keep politics out of end-of-life care, doctors say
The Boston Globe, 3/19/05
Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is removed amid a political storm that rages in Congress
San Jose Mercury News, 3/19/05
Experts: GOP may have stepped out of bounds
Newsday.com, 3/19/05
What a shock that we can't all agree
Over what Terri's fate ought to be.
Well, if e'er comes my day,
Please don't let Tom Delay
Be the one who will watch over me!
[NB: For a description of Tom Delay, please see previous post]
Keep politics out of end-of-life care, doctors say
The Boston Globe, 3/19/05
Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is removed amid a political storm that rages in Congress
San Jose Mercury News, 3/19/05
Experts: GOP may have stepped out of bounds
Newsday.com, 3/19/05
Friday, March 18, 2005
Pumping Irony
'Roid rage is disingenuous
Don't you think it a little ironic
That the House is dispensing this tonic?
While Baseball avoids
The cure for its 'roids,
Flaming assholes in Congress are chronic!
Steroid hearings all political grandstanding
San Jose Mercury News, 3/17/05
Don't you think it a little ironic
That the House is dispensing this tonic?
While Baseball avoids
The cure for its 'roids,
Flaming assholes in Congress are chronic!
Steroid hearings all political grandstanding
San Jose Mercury News, 3/17/05
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wearing o' the green
It's the day to forego your routine
And abandon your usual mien.
For, to honor the saint,
You must act like you ain't
And drink 'til you're sallow and green!
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Partying it up
on St. Patrick's Day?
MSNBC, 3/16/05
And abandon your usual mien.
For, to honor the saint,
You must act like you ain't
And drink 'til you're sallow and green!
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Partying it up
on St. Patrick's Day?
MSNBC, 3/16/05
Friday, March 11, 2005
Serious radio vs. Sirius radio
Though our world seems to teeter on edge
NPR brings us down from the ledge
With grounded reporting
That calls for supporting
So, why not call back with your pledge?
My local public radio station is fund raising again so probably yours is too. Though these pledge drives annoy the hell out of me because I'm already a loyal member and supporter, and I really just want them to get back to my daily fix of All Things Considered; my irritation is tempered by a scary realization of the alternative. If my only option for commercial-free radio was paying $150 a year (not to mention the outlay for the radio itself) for Sirius radio, or one of that ilk, just to get a daily dose of Howard Stern; a pledge drive or two seems a small inconvenience. And yes, Sirius does provide news programming but the best of it still comes from their public radio offerings.
So, where would you rather invest your time and money? I've made my choice and I support serious radio!
Find your local NPR station
NPR brings us down from the ledge
With grounded reporting
That calls for supporting
So, why not call back with your pledge?
My local public radio station is fund raising again so probably yours is too. Though these pledge drives annoy the hell out of me because I'm already a loyal member and supporter, and I really just want them to get back to my daily fix of All Things Considered; my irritation is tempered by a scary realization of the alternative. If my only option for commercial-free radio was paying $150 a year (not to mention the outlay for the radio itself) for Sirius radio, or one of that ilk, just to get a daily dose of Howard Stern; a pledge drive or two seems a small inconvenience. And yes, Sirius does provide news programming but the best of it still comes from their public radio offerings.
So, where would you rather invest your time and money? I've made my choice and I support serious radio!
Find your local NPR station
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Bedtime for gonzo?
The debt owed by bloggers is clear
But, for "gonzo," this Duke had no peer.
Can that spirit live on,
Or will, now that he's gone,
We be left with just loathing and fear?
In Memoriam: Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005
NewsWeek, 3/7/05
But, for "gonzo," this Duke had no peer.
Can that spirit live on,
Or will, now that he's gone,
We be left with just loathing and fear?
In Memoriam: Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005
NewsWeek, 3/7/05
Friday, March 04, 2005
No heavy lifting allowed
I received the following missive from Seany the other day:
"It is nearly three weeks" I declare
"Since you had any limericks to share"
I keep clicking my link
But I'm starting to think
That the Savant is blogging elsewhere
--
Posted by Seany to Limerick Savant at 3/1/2005 05:21:15 PM
The Savant is consoled to know that he has at least one fan who actually noticed his recent absence and thus feels the following explanation is due. Actually, it's a bit more complicated but, then, aren't all of our lives?
The Savant has been under the whether
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.
If you find that your funny bone itches
I suggest you try dropping your britches
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life
And it surely will keep you in stitches!
Click on "Get the story" to visit Seany at his blog.
"It is nearly three weeks" I declare
"Since you had any limericks to share"
I keep clicking my link
But I'm starting to think
That the Savant is blogging elsewhere
--
Posted by Seany to Limerick Savant
The Savant is consoled to know that he has at least one fan who actually noticed his recent absence and thus feels the following explanation is due. Actually, it's a bit more complicated but, then, aren't all of our lives?
The Savant has been under the whether
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.
If you find that your funny bone itches
I suggest you try dropping your britches
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life
And it surely will keep you in stitches!
Click on "Get the story" to visit Seany at his blog.
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