Congratulations

To the You Generation

So, what has a blogger to do
To become one of Time's timely few,
When their "Person," this year,
Is an Internet peer?
Seems they overlooked me and chose you!


The cover that could have been

Person of the Year: You
Yes, you. You control the Information Age.
Welcome to your world.
By Lev Grossman, Time Magazine, 12/13/06

Daredevil claims bad rap

Though whatever the jurors believe'll
Determine the fate of Kanyevel ®,
It's a mighty big leap
To say Kanye's a creep
Who's intentions toward Evel were evil.

Kanye made me look evil - Knievel
Paul MacInnes, The Guardian, 12/13/06

Well, I declare!

Kucinich, we know him as Dennis,
Tossed his hat in the ring once again. Is
This former "boy mayor"
Becoming a player
Now that Bush has been labeled "the Menace?"



Kucinich’s Second White House Bid,
Like His First, to Focus on Iraq
By Marie Horrigan, The New York Times, 12/12/06

The new standard

In Cleveland we're jumping for joy
Now that Heisman belongs to our boy.
For most of those polled
This Buckeye was gold.
Now, all talents are measured on Troy.

He's Cleveland's man, OSU's man, Heisman
Doug Lesmerises, The Plain Dealer, 12/10/06

Knock, knock, knocking on Robert's door

The Senate would hold no debates
Before casting our lot with the Fates.
After Donald from Hell,
What's an easier sell
Than Heaven lies just beyond Gates?

Senate Confirms Gates as Secretary of Defense
By David S. Cloud, 12/7/06

Bush's "struggle for freedom"

From another bad news cycle

Once again, George W. Bush has zeroed in, with laser-like focus, on the key element of this intricate problem:

"I'm so tired of this liberal drivel
On my war in Iraq. Let them snivel
Over how it's defined.
You'd be out of your mind
To believe that the conflict's been civil!"

And Donald Rumsfeld thought that the war was too complex for the average Joe to understand!

White House Wages War of Words Over 'Civil' Term
By Peter Baker, The Washington Post, 11/29/06

A matter of emphasis

As I ponder the dead and the living
I get caught up syllabically sieving.
For those serving at war
Or the homeless and poor,
Is the stress on the "thanks" or the "giving?"

Our current day of celebration probably owes more to Abraham Lincoln than to the Pilgrims. His proclamation, in the midst of the Civil War, set the tone for our national day of thankfulness and the words still ring surprisingly true.

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added which are of so extraordinary a nature that they can not fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.

In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict, while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.

Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plow, the shuttle, or the ship; the ax has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege, and the battlefield, and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans. mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity, and union.

In testimony whereof I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington, this 3d day of October, A. D. 1863, and of the Independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

By the President:

WILLIAM H. SEWARD, Secretary of State.

Happy Tha[ng](k)s-'gi-vi[ng]
or 'Tha[ng](k)s- gi-vi[ng]
however you choose to live it

And please take in the following food for thought on this day
A feast of the ordinary
By James Carroll, The Boston Globe, 11/20/06

The short goodbye

The director of Nashville and M*A*S*H
Leaves a legacy, brilliant, not brash.
It may be cliché,
But most movies today,
Compared to his worst, seem like trash.

And there is nothing that compares to Robert Altman's best like McCabe and Mrs. Miller, his sardonic view of how the West was really won; or Kansas City, a loving tribute to the history of Jazz and his hometown, set as a gangster movie.

His genre-busting style will surely be missed from the world of film.

Robert Altman, Iconoclastic Director, Dies at 81
By Rick Lyman, The New York Times, 11/21/06

Belling the cat?

We publish this urgent disclaimer
Of the fellow you knew, once, as Kramer:
If you get in his face,
He could pounce on your race
Like a lion that's turned on his tamer!

In case you miss my point:
It is easy for us to show shock and outrage at the actions of Mel Gibson, George Allen or Michael Richards; but who of us is brave enough to finally bell the cat of racism in our society?

What Lies Beneath
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 11/22/06

If the show fits

Time this running back fully admitted
To the secret of just how he did it.
For those stunned by his act
There's no doubting, in fact,
Emmitt Smith, himself, deftly acquitted.

Any resemblance to any other former running back in the news
is purely intentional but does not merit further comment.

Emmitt Smith Wins ABC's 'Dancing' Title
By Erin Carlson, Associated Press Writer
The Chicago Tribune, 11/16/06

Cheers or al-Jazeers?

Do we really have reason to fear a
One-sided, unfair al-Jazeera?
Will their English report
Only tend to distort,
Or a new point of view draw us nearer?



Slick al-Jazeera aims to surprise
By Torin Douglas, BBC News, 11/15/06

Borat's new suit

Now Borat's been sued by the "scholars"
Whose drunkenness made them name-callers.
They're just two sober gents
Whose Mel Gibson defense
Couldn't possibly be for the dollars.
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
Not!

The Savant is not proud to admit (hence, no high five) that he saw the Borat movie over the weekend. Even more embarrassing is that he laughed loudly despite himself even without the producers getting him drunk beforehand.

I am familiar with the Borat character from watching some of the Ali G DVDs, also the product of Sacha Baron Cohen, so I can offer no defense of ignorance. And, while I'm not sure exactly where I stand on Cohen's humor, it has become a guilty pleasure for me. Unlike some comedians who deal in offensive material strictly for the shock value, Cohen usually seems to be making a point about some of our cherished institutions and beliefs. Watching Borat is how I imagine it must have been seeing Lenny Bruce, live, in the 60's: disquieting, outrageous, but often outrageously funny. I can only wish him a better fate.

Frat brothers: It's Borat's fault we said racist remarks
By Meg Kinnard, AP, Chicago Sun-Times, 11/11/06

My dilemna

The voters have got to be joking
This issue is leaving me choking
I'm doing my part
Supporting the arts
But it's killing me taking up smoking

I actually voted for Issue 18 too but not without some trepidation. I always find it a dilemna when a "sin tax" is used to support a worthwhile cause, especially when they haven't even picked my favorite sin. I also wonder what it means that voters chose to tax smoking in support of the arts but at the same time voted to ban smoking in public locations. Does the syllogism reduce to: voters want to ban art from public places?

Arts-and-culture tax apparently victorious
By Carolyn Jack, The Plain Dealer, 11/8/06

Parting shot

As ever, the arrogant Rummy
Departs, neither gracious nor chummy.
Instead he reflects
How Iraq's too "complex"
To be fully absorbed by a dummy.



Rumsfeld defiant to the end
Defense Secretary quits, says war 'not well-understood'
By Lolita C. Baldor, The Chicago Sun-Times, 11/9/06

Time's awastin'

The journey begins

Now that Democrats garnered the vote,
This isn't the moment to gloat.
Unless they deliver,
They'll find they're up river
With no paddles, and out of the boat!

Democrats Promise Broad New Agenda
Now in Control, They Plan to Challenge Bush
By Jonathan Weisman and Shailagh Murray
The Washington Post, 11/8/06

Be in the heard, not in the herd

Got a grievance that's stuck in your throat?
Want a proven and safe antidote?
Awaken your voice
By makin' a choice
Or mute it by failing to vote!


Proven safe and effective when used as directed.
Best results are obtained by twice yearly administration.
May be obtained over the counter with proper I.D. Some restrictions may apply.

Side effects may include: headaches; confusion; long lines; nausea; double vision;
irritation; feelings of déjà vu; disappointment; and euphoria.
Best when used in combination with a regimen of political activism and community involvement.

We must vote, even if choices aren't choice
By Dawn Turner Trice
The Chicago Tribune, 11/6/06

Learn and spurn

For the voter who's tried to unscramble
Issue 3, I’ll provide this preamble:
We don’t need any slots;
They serve "haves" not "have-nots"
And Blackwell’s made voting the gamble.

Thought it was about time the Savant comment on local elections. For a more erudite argument, visit Writes Like She Talks for Jill Miller Zimon's series of 57 reasons to vote no on this flawed issue. At last count she was up to number 3.

As to Blackwell and his ilk, consider the Secretary of State Project. Time is short but it's not to late to vote for the right candidate.

If you believe you have been the victim of voter suppression tactics, contact the ACLU toll-free voter hotline, 1-877-523-2792. It will be available on election day from 6:30 AM to 11:00 PM.

If you are worried about long lines on Tuesday, you may still be able to vote early by "absentee ballot in person." Check electiononline.org for your state's requirements.

See NPR's Early Voting: Getting the Jump on Election Day for more info.

No on Issue 3
Proponents pitch the message of Learn and Earn.
What they are really selling is the false promise of gambling
Akron Beacon Journal, 10/18/06

Embracing our diversity

For bloggers from near and from far,
The blogosphere is the Bazaar.
The concept, ubuntu,
's the wavelength we tune to,
Where others define who we are.

Yes, I know I was mixing my metaphors or, to be more exact, my similes and metaphors. I'm afraid I haven't taken Ogden Nash's literary advice to heart (see Very Like a Whale and don't miss the link to the Byron poem, The Destruction of Sennacherib, which it lampoons).

Not being of Nash's caliber as writer or humorist, I found it necessary to abuse those tools to express my excitement over the discovery of the Bantu concept of ubuntu, "I am because we are." Suddenly, it seemed the perfect way to express my experience of the blogging phenomenon. Ubuntu seems to capture how the blogosphere (I hate that term) has created interconnectedness among many individuals, worldwide, who share their similarities and differences in a generally civilized way through posts and comments on those posts. Maybe that makes us all mixed metaphors of a sort? I know that the longer I do this the more, what was once, a solitary activity has become a conversation.

As often happens, a confluence of events led me to this post. Firstly, I caught the story about ubuntu on PRI's "The World" during my evening commute. Then, I belatedly read about Ronni Bennett's "Elderblogger PhoneCon." Ronni's recap made me sorry that I missed the telephone meet-up but hopeful for the opportunity to participate in January. If only she will schedule part of it during evening hours for those of us for whom blogging has to take a backseat to other duties. Ronni, if you do, I promise a recitation of a limerick composed especially for the occasion. Ronni's conference call and her blog, Time Goes By, in general, voice that spirit of ubuntu that I sense many of us bloggers are striving toward. Thanks, Ronni, for making the world a smaller, closer, and (greenhouse gas emissions aside) warmer place.


The Africa Report
The World, PRI, 10/26/06

The elephant's rejoinder

Self-awareness? What mumbo(dash)jumbo!
Any true pachydermal Columbo,
Would need no reflection
To raise an objection
As to why you keep calling us Dumbo!

Elephants pass mirror test
By Washington Post writer, Rick Weiss
The Chicago Tribune, 10/31/06

Mr. Kerry's rejoinder

Even elephants found at the zoo,
Mr. Bush, knew the joke was on you.
If you'd shown self-reflection,
You'd know this election's
About you, but you haven't a clue.

[N.B. The expressed views are solely those of John Kerry and do not represent the opinions of the Limerick Savant, his minions, or this blog. The Savant, in fact, believes that the president and his cronies are fully aware of their predicament and are, as usual, using any means available to divert the public's attention from the real issues of importance in this election. The public, of course, will not be fooled because they (well most of them) are smarter than your average elephant.]

Bush Calls Kerry Remarks Insulting to U.S. Troops
Senator Says President, Not Military, Was Target of Botched Joke
By Jim VandeHei and Chris Cillizza
The Washington Post, 11/1/06

Halloween chills

How long can you bear Bush’s lies
While another American dies?
You can show at the poll
Your response to this toll:
Vote "No" on October's Surprise!

The scariest part is that it really doesn't come as much of a surprise.

DEADLY OCTOBER
By AP writer, Steven R. Hurst
San Jose Mercury News, 10/31/06

The Savant vindicated

Thanks to the folks at NPR and the Pew Research Center, the Savant may be red-tribed but he is no longer red-faced. After taking the PRC's 2005 Political Typology survey, He weighed in as "Liberal" with a capital "L." This helped to ease some of the cognitive dissonance caused by the quiz mentioned in the previous post.

Having done a little research of my own in the past, it is clear to me that the questions you ask and the way that you ask them can greatly influence the outcome. That being said, I'm more likely to lend my confidence to the Pew crew when it comes to scholarly research.

You probably don't need a survey to tell you where you stand, but it is interesting to look at the results and conclusions that they draw from the above. And if you are thinking about not voting in November because "it's a foregone conclusion," take a look at their latest survey results.

Beyond Red vs. Blue: Redefining the Political Landscape
By Robert Siegel and Andrew Kohut
All Things Considered, NPR, 5/10/05

Which tribe are you?

I guess this is as close to a meme as I'll ever get on this blog.

I caught most of the interview with the authors of Applebee's America yesterday on NPR and followed the link to the What's Your Tribe quiz. Imagine my surprise to find myself smack in the middle of the Red Tribe! I thought it possible I could end up in the Tipping Tribe but the dreaded Red Tribe!!!

I've always thought of myself as a bit of an iconoclast (how many people are obsessed with turning news and opinion into limericks?) so my only explanation is that I must be the exception that proves the rule (never did understand that expression). Either that, or the quiz is terribly flawed.

Anyway, I challenge my readers to take the quiz and report back on the results. Tell me if it fits with your self concept but don't let it change the way you vote in November. I certainly won't.


Conversations on Politics
Connecting with Gut Values in 'Applebee's America'
Morning Edition, NPR, 10/18/06

Hard to swallow

Bush claims that this study’s "not credible"
But facts aren’t so easily shed-able
Nor truth overlooked.
Since his data’s been cooked,
The bull that he’s fed us aint edible.


Counting The Iraqi Dead
By Eugene Robinson
The Washington Post, 10/13/06

No "E" for effort

Kim Jong Il has proved more than a pest
In pursuit of his nuclear quest.
Now, the world, as we know it,
Has changed. If we blow it,
It’s failure; for this is the test.

Diverted Attention, Neglect Set the Stage for Kim's Move
Up until 2001, North Korea's nuclear program was largely
under seal and monitored by the U.N. What went wrong?
By Barbara Demick, Los Angeles Times, 10/10/06

Over-friendly + under-age = big zero

Shouldn't this equation equal zero tolerance?

When a congressman tries to engage
In relations with those under-age,
Just what does it take,
For decency’s sake,
Before Hastert responds to the page?

FBI to Examine Foley's E-Mails
Hastert Calls For Independent Probe
By Charles Babington and Jonathan Weisman
The Washington Post, 10/2/06

They want to kill us

Or is it just the messenger?


The Republican campaign of terror,
Which preys on our fears, is an error.
People tend to confuse
Those who bear the bad news
With that news, thusly blaming the bearer.

This ad make the Savant wonder "Who is it, that really wants to terrorize us?"

Conservative Group Airs Pro-Bush Ad
The Guardian, 9/7/06

In that number?

Forget the political spin.
We don’t care if they lose or they win,
For tonight at the "Dome"
It is all about "home"
When the Saints will go marching back in.

New Orleans Hopes to Make Superdome a Home Again
By Lee Jenkins, The New York Times, 9/25/06

No monopoly on stupidity

First, Benedict called them "inhuman"
And Muslims, worldwide, started fumin'.
Now, al-Qaeda's reply
Seeks to prove it a lie
By slitting some throats, we're presumin'?

"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
----Pope Benedict XVI quoting Emperor Manuel II Paleologus

“We tell the worshipper of the Cross that you and the West will be defeated . . . May God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahidin.”
----Mujahidin Shura Council

Calls for calm as militants threaten to kill the Pope
By Richard Owen, The Times Online, 9/19/06

The Idiom Savant says:

On the blackboard, please write this in chalk
Fifty times: "I won’t make idle talk
In support of a cause."
It’s just clutching at straws
Unless you are walking the walk.



Once again the Savant will be walking for his favorite cause and as a special offer to the loyal readers of his blog, he will send a signed copy of the Limerick Savant's chapbook, Four-year Funk, to anyone who donates $15 or more as a sponsor. The chapbook is a beautiful handmade collection of past limericks, and it sports a three color silk screen cover. He will make good on the offer if you walk in, or sponsor, your local NAMI Walks event too. Heck, just get out there and support a cause and he'll make good on the bargain. [N.B. donations to the RNC excepted. Offer void where prohibited by law or good taste.]

Horsefeathers!

Americans value the horse
As a symbol of beauty and force,
And seem thusly surprised
To have just realized
That for others it’s merely main course.

I was set to post this one last week but, inspired by our do nothing Congress, I decided to take some time off. Unlike them, however, I'm not getting paid for my part-time, half-assed efforts.

As, what I call, a marine vegetarian, (that neither means I'm militant nor that my motto is "Semper Fiddleheads," but just that I also eat seafood) I am opposed to the needless slaughter of sentient life; but is this really the best Congress could do given all the pressing issues before them? If they're concerned about slaughter, how about taking some action on the situation in Darfur? Does it take a Hollywood hunk to clue us in on the fact that this is "the first genocide of the 21st Century?"

Maybe this is necessary and important legislation but it seems like the worst kind of election year pandering from a Congress where the posterior end of the beast reigns supreme.

Horse Slaughtering: The New Terrorism?
Congress hasn't done much this year,
but few bills have stirred more passion than
one to protect horses from being turned into horsemeat
By Douglas Waller, Time, 9/7/06

Five years later...

Politics as usual

Unlike the president, memories of the events of September 11, 2001 left me speechless.

The Politics of the 'Not-Political' Speech
President Bush's 9/11 Anniversary Speech
Wasn't Supposed to Be Political
By Mark Halperin, ABC News, 9/12/06

More favorite things

Imagine, if you will, a bird’s-eye view of the mountains of Tora Bora in Afghanistan. The camera swoops down in a long, slow zoom, zeroing in on Mr. Bush atop one of the peaks. As the orchestra swells, we see him dancing and singing but with a quizzical look that says, "Where is all this music coming from?"

Fast forward to the Oval Office. We see the president sitting with little Katie Couric, assuring her that she will be the best anchor since Walter Cronkite if only she remains the polite, good girl and forgets about follow-up questions. Flush with embarrassment over the compliment, Katie timidly asks, "Do you wish that your administration had handled detainees and sort of the rules and - and the guidelines for the treatment of these - detainees differently?"

Bush reaches behind a brocade-trimmed curtain, pulls out a spruce-top guitar, and launches into this rendition (excuse the pun) of the Rodgers and Hammerstein favorite.

Click for the music

Black hoods on Muslims or just waterboarding
Blasting their ears with Black Sabbath recordings
Making them jump like a puppet on strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Prisoners stripped naked and in solitary
Making them shave even when they are hairy
Upping the shocks just a couple of joules
These are a few of my favorite tools

Flush Korans down
In the toilet
That’s how we stop a plot
Please don’t restrict us or then you will spoil it
And it’s really all that we’ve got.

Good cop and bad cop and sleep deprivation
Rapid-fire questions and forced isolation
CIA prisons kept hidden from view
These are some things that we still plan to do

Black hoods on Muslims or just waterboarding
Blasting their ears with Black Sabbath recordings
Making them jump like a puppet on strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Threaten dog bites
Executions
Make them stand and stand
I’ll simply remember these former solutions
And then I will feel quite grand

Bush Vows to Use All Anti-Terror Tools
President Bush Vows to Use All Tools Available
to Fight Terrorists Determined to Attack U.S.
By Jennifer Loven, ABC News, 9/7/06

Bush's favorite things

What King George really said

No more boarding in icy-cold pools
Nor zapping the family jewels?
We were winning the game;
If we don’t, now, I blame
It on having to play by the rules.

Bush: Secret CIA Prisons a 'Vital' Tool
Bush Admits CIA Runs Secret Prisons Overseas,
Says Interrogations Made Terrorists Reveal Plots
By Deb Riechmann, ABC News, 9/7/06

New Orleans greets the president

Our town may be beaten and scarred
But we will not be taken off guard.
You have broken your vow,
Mr. Bush, and so, now,
The Big Easy is taking that hard.

New Orleans storm-ready, feds say; some not so sure
The Plain Dealer, 8/28/08