School is not out yet on this plan

Don't you think it's time someone learned their lesson?

AIG has a novel invention.
It's the bonus that's paid for retention
Of delinquents, not there.
Do you think that is fair?
Or, instead, should we give them detention?

An Outpouring of Anger From Lawmakers at A.I.G. Hearing
By David Stout, the New York Times, 3/18/09

Body of lies

Thanks to Mattel (and Hugh Hefner) for
fifty years of unrealistic expectations.

What psychic could possibly gauge
How this freak would become all the rage?
With plenty of plastic
She's looking fantastic
So Barbie's not telling her age.

Barbie doll gets a splashy 50th birthday bash
By Booth Moore, The Los Angeles Times, 2/17/09

A Titanic mistake

As Limbaugh shouts "I'm king of the conservatives!"
it's no time to be quibbling over which side of the boat you're on.

To those who support Rush's quip:
You chose to embark on this trip,
And refusal to bail
Means the captain could fail;
But you're bound to go down with the ship!

GOP Seeks Balance With Conservative Icon Limbaugh
By Perry Bacon Jr., The Washington Post, 3/4/09

del.icio.us

Some dog, millionaire?

Michelle says the family agrees
On a Water Dog, type: Portuguese;
Cuz they're easy to train.
Hubby wishes in vain
That Republicans were such a breeze.


Obama Vows, ‘We Will Rebuild’ and ‘Recover’
Jeff Zeleny, The New York Times, 2/25/09

Octomom vs. Dr. Mindbender

This self-absorbed mother is still
Being run through the media mill?
With all this exposure
We think, Heaven knows, you're
Just giving her ego its Phil.

Suleman says hospital wants proof she can care for octuplets
She tells TV host 'Dr. Phil' McGraw she fears that they
may not be released until she has a better living arrangement.
She and her six other children live at her mother's house
By Jessica Garrison and Kimi Yoshino
The Los Angeles Times, 2/25/09

Who wants to be a m...

Movie of the Year?

We endure what seems endless and numbing
Just to view what we knew would be coming.
The predictable plot?
When you're hot, you are hot;
And Oscar was hot to go Slumming.

Golden Statuettes, Leaden Television
By Tom Shales, The Washington Post, 2/23/09

The real Travis-ty

For the people unwisely beguiled
By the notion a chimp is a child,
It's time to replace it.
You really must face it;
This primate's primarily wild!

Cleveland Clinic Gets Victim of Chimp Attack
By Lawrence K. Altman and Anahad O'Connor
The New York Times, 2/19/09

No Jif's brands or butters

All because of this arrogant putz
Salmonella's infecting our guts.
It sticks in the craw
And we hope that the law
Strings him up by his poisonous nuts.

Peanut-borne salmonella is subject of outrage in Congress
By Rebecca Cole, The Los Angeles Times, 2/12/09

Heroes by any other name...

would tell us "geese."

Few fumble through life without blame.
Fewer ride their descent into fame.
But this pilot with skill
Has both given a thrill
And new meaning to "Sully" one's name.

Flight 1549: A Routine Takeoff Turns Ugly
Captain Sullenberger Recalls The Bird Strike
And The Tense And Crucial Minutes That Followed
Interview by Katie Couric, CBS 60 Minutes, 2/8/09

Short by design

But long on creativity

In four hundred seconds duration
You'll receive the complete presentation.
Tonight is Pecha Kucha*.
We hope that we gotcha
Intrigued by this brief conversation.

*pronounced in three syllables like "peh-chak-cha"
From the Japanese for sound of conversation or chit-chat

Come join us tonight at the House of Blues for what looks to be an interesting and inventive evening.

Pecha Kucha version 2.0
-- speed-dating for creatives and their audiences -- comes to Cleveland
Posted by Steven Litt/Plain Dealer Architecture Critic, 2/4/09

Playing Crazy Eights with ethics

Fertility drugs are a fix,
Not a means for this mom to get kicks.
Were her docs in a trance?
When it comes to implants,
Don't they think that "enough" might mean six?

Octuplets Fallout:
Should Fertility Specialists Set Limits?
By Bonnie Rochman, Time, 2/2/09

Snow time like the present

Will Congress stay frozen in ice
Or take the Obamas advice?
To a Midwestern child,
The higher it's piled,
The more we just work and play nice.


As to Ice, Chicago Still Obama's Kind of Town
D.C. Needs 'Toughness,' President Says
By Daniel de Vise and Michael Birnbaum
The Washington Post, 1/28/09

Coming soon...

To a theater (of the absurd) near you.

Blagojevich, feeling the sting,
Thinks he's Gandhi, Mandela, and King!
What's next? He'll evoke
Those Middle-earth folk
And be Frodo protecting the Ring?

Blagojevich in NBC interview compares himself
to Gandhi, King and Mandela
By Lynn Sweet, Chicago Sun-Times, 1/25/09

Culture clash

As a simple appeal to our hearts
We support a Department of Arts;
But a Government role
Oft reduces the whole
To a sum of much less than its parts.

I submit the above as the Savant's addendum to the online petition in support Quincy Jones' proposal for a new department. Though I see enormous potential for promotion of the arts and enhancing their influence, I am wary when the political culture mixes with the artistic one. Giving government bureaucracy a role in the fragile creative process scares the willies out of me. Remember that the camel was a horse, created by committee. Imagine what they might do to a horse's ass like yours truly!

Weigh in on where you stand in The Savant's latest useless poll to the right. =>

and click on the link to sign the petition if you're so inclined.

Quincy Jones Leads Chorus Urging a Cabinet-Level Arts Czar
By Jacqueline Trescott, The Washington Post, 1/14/09

And so we would know it was real...

Guess who was singing?

If the voice went a little bit flat,
You're Aretha! We know you're "all that!"
For your power to wow
You can still take a bow;
And, what's more, take a bow for that hat!

[OK, Mark. This one was for you]

A little prayer from the Queen of Soul
By Richard Morrison, Times Online, 1/21/09

A dream fulfilled

Now work to be done.

We have witnessed the arduous climb
Just to savor this moment, sublime.
Let the message ring out;
Can there be any doubt
That, at last, change has come to our time?

New President, 'New Era Of Responsibility'
by Mara Liasson, NPR, 1/21/09

Hawk like an Egyptian?

Speaking of "bail-outs," look who's out on bail.

His investors aren't feeling so sunny
To discover the tar in the honey.
The deals of their dreams
Were mere pyramid schemes
Where the dealer Madoff with the money!

[N.B. The unfortunate fact is that you or I may be one of his unwitting investors by proxy!]

Bernie Madoff's Victims:
Why Some Have No Recourse
By Robert Chew, Time, 1/12/09

Word of the Year 2008: "Bailout"

So "bail-out" was Word of the Year?
As a verb, we expected to hear
It used one of the times
When, for myriad crimes,
Those crooks went to court to appear!

Oh yeah. That didn't happen, did it?

About Auto Bailout
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

If the shoo fits...

A reporter, expressing his mood,
Made a gesture to Bush that was rude.
Though he took it in jest,
He has been such a pest
It seems fitting, somehow, he got "shoed."

All I can say, after reviewing the video, is "What a lame duck!"

Bush Trip To Iraq Has Sole, Reporter Throws Shoes
Morining Edition, NPR, 12/15/08

Would you buy a used car business plan from these men?

In Detroit, yes, the outlook's not sunny,
But the Big Three's solution seems funny.
Do they really expect
To survive the car wreck
By filling their airbags with money?

Automakers Take Plea for Bailout to House Committee
Hearing Comes Day After Senate Appearance Fails to Persuade Lawmakers
By Lori Montgomery and Kendra Marr
The Washington Post, 12/5/08

But who will make the coffee?

Look how far we have come in this nation
That a woman can rise to this station;
And in order to rate
Secretary of State
No one asked her, "Do you take dictation?"

Congratulations Hillary! Let's hope this isn't becoming the woman's job.

A Concession Wrapped in an Acceptance
By Alessandra Stanley, The New York Times, 12/1/08

"Thanks, but no thanks"

---Sarah Palin

'Tis the season we all should join ranks;
Remember good fortune; give thanks.
And though I concede
We must help those in need,
Do we need to give fortunes to banks?

Happy ThBanksgiving

Here is a turkey recipe that includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.
Give this a try:

8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good)
1 cup uncooked popcorn

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the turkey's butt blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.

Restore TARP to Its First Purpose
By Peter Ackerman and John Vogelstein
The Washington Post, 11/26/08

World domination?

Well, not exactly.


A day I don’t listen is rare
So today didn’t seem very fair.
Just the luck Limerick has!
While Scott Brick reads White Jazz,
Marco Werman reads me on the air!

Figuring on cruel Clevetown commute this snowy evening. The Savant pops "White Jazz" CD into the mobile music box. Ellroy on a silver platter. To soothe jangled nerves. Typically Mullins and Werman and Bell ride shotgun. Better than a police scanner for taking the pulse of this crazy world.

Not tonight. Tonight it’s Scott "Solid As A" Brick. He’s laying down the staccato rhythms of L.A. dicks and hot chicks. Cool. Gritty. Solid as his name. "Lay it on me, Scottie boy. Lay. It. On."

Suddenly Ellroy's sweet beat is cut short. That familiar cellular buzz. It's Rene. What does she want? "Hello?"

"He's reading you!"

"Wha?'

"Marco. He's reading your limerick! On the radio."

"Shit!"

It's too late. Fingers fumble. Can't switch modes in time. He's gone! "Yeah, I…"

"I'm so excited!" She cuts me off, excited. "I was checking a kiln and I think I hear 'Limerick Savant.' It's Marco Werman on the radio. And then he repeats 'Limerick Savant' and he's reading your limerick! Right there on 'The World!' I couldn't believe it!"

"I sent them an email. I was listening yesterday. You know, the 'Global Hit.' They had on this violinist. Lisa Mullins interviewing this controversial guy. He's like a virtuoso. Plays like Mozart. But he does the cadenzas like 'Turkey in the Straw.' Or Bluegrass. Or Jazz. Whistling. But still Mozart. You know. Still his style. Notes. Gilles Apap. That's his name. So I compose this limerick while I'm driving home. And I send it to them. I do that sometimes. When a story inspires me on NPR I send them the limerick. They never even write back. This time it was PRI. I didn't expect anything. Remember? I sent them that one when they did their April Fools story. The 'exploding maples' story. They totally got me with that one! I thought my limerick was pretty clever. They never answered. But I'm usually listening. Not today. I can't believe it! Of all the times. I think, 'I'll listen to that book from the library.' The James Ellroy. What bitter irony!"

"Well maybe they record it. Can you get it online?"

"That's it! Thanks, doll. Sure. That's where I linked to that Frenchy fiddler story. I'm saved."

"You should write a limerick about THIS."

"Huh?"

"You know. The whole 'missing it' thing."

"Yeah. Sure, babe."

So our savvy Savant is saved. Thanks to miracles of modern tech. He's got the whole story. Downloaded. On mp3. Suitable for play on his iPod. Where he can listen to Marco reciting his limerick over and over. That smooth cool voice. Selected and looped. Deleting the unneeded. A Global Hit. At least in his own mind.

And remember. You heard it here first. Off the record. On the Q.T. And very hush hush.



Beth Rowley PRI's The World
By Marco Werman, The World's Global Hit, 11/21/08
Posted using ShareThis

Gilles appeal

When Gilles Apap plays without fetter
The faces of stuffed shirts get redder.
As they rant and they rave
Mozart turns in his grave
In order to hear all the better!

Global Hit - Gilles Apap
By Lisa Mullins, The World, PRI, 11/20/08

Overwhelmed by history

To those of you who have wondered
"Whence the Savant?":

Since Obama's success with the vote
The Savant sees no reason to gloat.
Might we still pan the man?
Not a doubt. Yes we can!
As soon as the lump leaves my throat.

How Obama Rewrote the Book
By Nancy Gibbs, Time, 11/5/08

McCain plumbs the depths

First, the Market's a bummer, we know.
Then we get dumb and dumber, in tow!
From McCain's bag of tricks,
He now offers this fix
We can call on a "plumber" named Joe?


Joe in the Spotlight
By Larry Rohter and Liz Robbins
The Caucus, NYT Blog, 10/16/08

How now down Dow?

We’re wondering what they’ll try now
To halt the decline of the Dow.
The measures they take up
Are likely to make up
As Revlon applied to a sow.

Fear Drives Wild Trading Ahead Of G-7 Meeting
By Dina Temple-Raston, NPR, 10/10/08

I want that one

An in depth analysis of the second presidential debate

"That one" lent the evening some drama.
That one of the men remained calmer
While the other looked miffed;
That one was a gift
That won the debate for Obama.

No, I'm not so stupid to as to believe that that one single, rash, disrespectful comment on John McCain's part was the deciding factor in Debate No. 2 but it was representative of the unveiled contempt he seems to hold for Senator Obama and I think it was especially ill-advised in last night's forum. I will leave it to others to decide whether it was racist or not; or whether any person should address another in such a way in a civilized society.

It was clear, however, that last night's debate was about the economy and the American public's anxiety over the current crisis in the financial sector. I hold no misconceptions about either candidate's ability to bring about immediate change in this area. As the last "Zen" question of the night suggested, there is much that they don't know and that we don't know about where we are headed in the next four years. What is clear is that this is not only a financial crisis but also a crisis of confidence. That is what is causing the Stock Market to fluctuate so radically and for solid companies to be undervalued.

And what helps you when you are feeling anxious, fearful and unsure? Is it someone fretful and pacing and showing there own frustration; or is it someone who's demeanor is calm, confident and unruffled by attack. Normally, I would be the first on the "where's the substance?" bandwagon and truthfully I am tired of hearing stump speeches from both tickets at what are supposed to be debates. Yet in the vacuum created by the void of new, meaningful solutions to the current turmoil, I am much more likely to accept reassurance that comes in a cool peaceful tone than in an irritable and agitated voice. This was John McCain's mistake in losing his cool and why I believe Barack Obama will be "that one" I vote for.



Why Obama won debate No. 2
By Adam Lashinsky, CNNMoney.com, 10/8/08

Palin Comparison - Low expectations?

You betcha!

Folksy wisdom is kinda amusin';
But there isn't a chance we're excusin'
All the pale platitudes
About "kids," "moms" 'n "dudes;"
Or the notion "she won by not losin'."

Seems like the last time the American public allowed their low expectations of a candidate to influence their judgment in the debates, they got exactly what was expected; for eight long years! Let's hope we don't get fooled again.

Need I say that I was not impressed by Sarah Palin's bobbing and weaving to avoid answering questions? If you're going to employ a rope-a-dope strategy you better have the talent to deliver the knockout punch; and you better not be the dope. Joe Biden is certainly no dope. He presented authentic, thoughtful and articulate plans for how he and Barack Obama intend to bring about change and he clearly elucidated the differences between their ticket and the opposition. Sarah Palin's scripted performance, on the other hand, sounded like a broken record; stuck on "maverick, maverick, maverick" and offering assurances of change with no real substantive plan. She never delineated a difference between the McCain/Palin approach and that of the current Bush/Cheney administration.

After listening to Geraldine Ferraro comment on the debate last night, I remain surprised that talented, competent and experienced women are not showing more outrage at the Republican choice for VP. It's not that she is a woman but that she is a featherweight in a world of heavyweights. Why not choose Condoleeza Rice, for example, or any number of experienced conservative women who don't have a direct connection with the current administration? Are women so desperate for a female in the White House that they are willing to settle for less than the best they have to offer? Hillary must have been spittin' nails watching last night's bout. Eight years ago I said to a colleague that one would like to believe that their president is smarter than them, at least in the complex realm of world politics. I guess that holds true for my vice-presidential expectations as well.

In Debate, G.O.P. Ticket Survives a Test
News Analysis by Adam Nagourney
The New York Times, 10/30/8

A new campaign slogan?

What conservative thinking forbids
Could put Palin's campaign on the skids.
It's easy decidin'
On Obama and Biden
For the welfare of all of her kids.

**** Obama/Biden '08 ****
For the Sake of Sarah's Kids

[N.B. - I, for one, am not opposed to the McCain/Palin ticket for such a trite and sexist reason as her choice to be a working mom. It's that I can't imagine spending four years listening to that voice!]

A New Twist in the Debate on Mothers
By Jodi Kantor and Rachel L. Swarns
The New York Times, 9/1/08

I dislike Ike

Guess I've lived in an ivory tower
Because lately my mood has turned dour.
After spending four five nights
In a house without lights
I've lost faith in my hired [sic] power!

Crews struggling to repair damage,
47,000 residents still without power
By Terry Oblander, The Plain Dealer, 9/17/08

Sex and drugs and crude behavior

Republicans- Here’s a cheap thrill:
Think of MMS failing to bill,
Then let out a moan
In your breathiest tone
“Skip the royalties; drill, baby, drill!”

Thanks to Cowtown Pattie for inspiring me to write this one. And as long as we're on the topic of off-shore drilling, here's what Scientific American has to say about its dubious value.

Report Says Oil Agency Ran Amok
Interior Dept. Inquiry Finds Sex, Corruption
By Derek Kravitz and Mary Pat Flaherty
The Washington Post, 9/11/08

Bringing Nome the bacon?

Quite frankly we don't give a fig
About Palin's distress at "the dig,"
For it cannot compete
With her blatant deceit.
As she gussies up pork, save the pig!

And to all those who would call Obama sexist for using the lipstick/pig metaphor, keep in mind that McCain has used the same phrase before and it seems to be Dick Cheney's favorite analogy. Maybe the McCain camp should read the book by his former advisor, Torie Clarke, Lipstick on a Pig, in which she suggests that honesty, not spin, is the best policy in politics or business. How's that one for irony? Or maybe they've been reading Mein Kampf?
"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it" --- Adolph Hitler

Record Contradicts Palin's 'Bridge' Claims
By Elizabeth Holmes and Laura Meckler
The Wall Street Journal, 9/9/08

As my old pappy use to say...

"A lie can travel halfway around the world
while the truth is still putting on it's shoes."
---(sometimes attributed to Mark Twain)

No limericks today; just a song to be sung to the tune of the
Maverick Theme music by David Buttolph and lyrics by Paul Francis Webster


Who is that gray-haired, stodgy guy?
Maverick is the name.
They call him that, we don't know why,
Palin's his compadre,
Politics his game.

Slick as a lobby in D.C.
Maverick, John McCain.
Out of touch with you and me;
Part of Bush's cadre.
How is that a change?

Riverboat, blow off steam,
Don't buy into their scheme!
Liberty's the lady they will test!

From Natchez to Duluth
It's time to tell the truth
This "maverick's" the same as all the rest.

His campaign's blowin' smoke,
The concept is a joke!
He's claiming change; oh, surely he must jest!

From Natchez to Duluth
It's time to tell the truth
A maverick is no maverick, self-professed,
And John McCain's no maverick, hope you guessed.

For those of us who remember the 60's TV series, the "original Maverick" was James Garner (no, not Tom Cruise!) and there's no contest when it comes to who we'd rather be swindled by. So, when you get ready to vote this year, remember what my old pappy used to say,
"Always drink upstream from the herd."

McCain relies on his image, avoids issues
By Cynthia Tucker
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 9/7/08

The seX Files

An addiction (not mastered) abated
By going to rehab. So stated
Duchovny to Press.
Can it be a success
As long as his Files are X-rated?

[this one should be good for lots of hits on the search engines]

Duchovny: Sex Addict Onscreen and Off
By Luchina Fisher, ABC News, 8/29/08