Wats-on TV tonight?

We see jeopardy in the concession
To A.I. in its latest accession.
"This outsmarter of men,
Unlike Brad nor like Ken,
has a name in the form of a question."

Computer Wins on ‘Jeopardy!’: Trivial, It’s Not
By John Markoff, The New York Times, 2/16/11

Rhymes with L'orange

So the World's most notorious geek
Has been caught by obscure double-speak:
Was it sex by consent
When he failed to prevent,
With a condom, his own WikiLeak?


British Judge Denies Bail For WikiLeaks Founder
NPR, 12/7/10

No King = No Jester

The Savant would like to take this opportunity to announce that he too will be exercising his free agency in a couple of months but, unlike LBJ, he will be moving to a city (to be named later) that doesn't have a single major league sports team. Let's see if that gets the rumor mill cranking.

He made us Witness this?

All at once, without skipping a beat
Cleveland suffers its latest defeat.
Now the infamous curse
Couldn't get any worse
And LeBron will be taking the Heat.





In the end, LeBron James inflicts needless pain
on the region that raised and loved him
Terry Pluto, The Plain Dealer blog, 7/8/10

More than a game?

Listen Cleveland, there's nothing to fear;
We're convinced that LeBron's staying here.
Consider his attitude;
You're bound to feel gratitude.
He's nothing if not Cavalier.


LeBron James will choose Miami Heat tonight,
according to reports
Brian Windhorst, The Plain Dealer, 7/8/10

The Holy See (no evil)

The Church keeps denying the scope
Of the problem with clergy who grope;
But continued abuse
Only tends to confuse.
Should we call him the Perp or the Pope?

Should There Be an Inquisition for the Pope?
Maureen Dowd, The New York Times, 3/30/10

Reconciled to reform

No more wellness dependent on wealth
Or insurance retracted by stealth.
Despite GOP jeers,
The Savant replies, "Cheers!
Here's to Congress and here's to your health."

For Consumers, Clarity on Health Care Changes
By Tara Siegel Bernard, The New York Times, 3/21/10

Who dat?

We seemed beaten and down on our knees;
Now, redeemed with our team's fleur-de-lis.
Let the hurricanes blow.
In New Orleans we know
That redemption can come on a Brees.

New Orleans turns out to welcome Saints home
By Richard Fausset, Los Angeles Times, 2/9/10

The few; the proud; the...

Openly gay service members.

They are patriots, serving us well.
So, why is this such a hard sell?
It's the generals' task
To ensure, if we ask,
It's, "You're gay and you're proud? Well, do tell!"

Thanks to Mike for getting the Savant thinking about an appropriate response to this issue.

Colin Powell now says gays should be able to serve openly in military
By Karen DeYoung, The Washington Post, 2/4/10

Hope for Haiti Now

With dimwits like Robertson rife
How will Haitians rebound from this strife?
It doesn't take voodoo
To know that what you do
To help them might just save a life.

DONATE

Within Days, a Global Benefit Takes Shape
By Michael Cieply, the New York Times, 1/21/10

Corporate takeover

The Supremes never batted an eye
While deciding it's time that we try
Voiding campaign reform;
Readjusting the norm:
The best government money can buy.

Supreme Court OKs unlimited corporate spending on elections
By David G. Savage, The LA Times, 1/22/10

Maya Ingénue?

Is the doomsday prediction unfailin'
Or the year 2012 easy sailin'?
A potential world-ender
Not on the agenda:
Could the Mayans foresee Sarah Palin?

Sarah Palin vs. Barack Obama:

The approval gap silently shrinks to a few points

"Less filling!" "Tastes great!!" "Less filling!!!" Tastes great!!!!"

The Savant proposes the following simple test to be administered to prospective candidates for the police academy; Harvard professorships; and President of the United States. [N.B. This should not apply to candidates for the Vice-Presidency, so Sarah and Joe can quit sweating. After all we still need some entertainment.]

Fill in the blank:

A rule of diplomacy states:
When engaging in ________ debates,
You better use tact.
If you overreact,
You are certain to open flood Gates.

Choose the best answer:

a. legal
b. racial
c. ethnic
d. classroom
e. White House
f. press corp
g. heated
h. beer-fueled
i. all of the above

The Audacity of Hops
By Jake Tapper, ABC News, 7/30/09

Who sesso?

Said Prime Minister, S. Berlusconi,
"I'm insulted by all this Bologna
That implies I would pay;
When they line up to play,
Just for pleasure, with my cannelloni!"

Silvio Berlusconi’s age wins him support over alleged affairs
By Rosemary Righter, The Times, 7/22/09

You were there

He needn't rely on some buzz.
He was Cronkite! We watched him because.
When New Media rules
While forgetting the tools,
We'll remember the way that it was.

It seems fitting to honor this man on the anniversary of the moon landing. How can we forget the shared mix of excitement and relief we felt when "Uncle Walter" took off his glasses and said "Whew! Boy!"

Cronkite -- that's the way he was
Colleague Daniel Schorr says that legendary newsman
Walter Cronkite represented something deep
in the psyche of America, embodied in the word trust.
By Daniel Schorr, Los Angeles Times, 7/20/09

Gay Divorcee

Like the drunkard that drove mothers MADD,
Good can often arise from the bad;
Despite all of it's hype
Bruno's stereotype
Is why we're unhappy at GLAAD

'Bruno' doesn't help gays
The movie is intended to satirize homophobia,
but too often it misses the mark.
By Rashad Robinson, Los Angeles Times, 7/12/09

Stiff opposition

You might think that the matter is silly.
In Chicago reaction's been chilly.
No one's shouting out "Cheers!"
That erection of Sears
Has simply become a Big Willie.

Chicago icon's new name may take time to stick
By Nick Carey,Reuters, 7/16/09

Equal time

The Savant received the following anonymous response that he cannot confirm as legitmate and may have come from one of those "fake" Sarah Palins that seem to have taken over the web world. He publishes it with the proviso that, like everything "Sarah Palin" these days, it should be taken with a grain of salt.

How dare you imply I'm a quitter!
I have reason enough to fell bitter.
If you'd been as maligned,
You might have resigned
In order to find a good sitter.

I don't know; Alaska!

Is she needin' to tend to her litter?
Does she think she's a heavier hitter?
So why is she bailin'?
It permits Sarah Palin
To become the prime twit with a Twitter?

Sarah Palin's exit as Alaska governor stuns, puzzles observers
By Mark Z. Barabak and Robin Abcarian
The Los Angeles Times, 7/4/09

A pilfer of his community

Cuyahoga County Commissioner, Jimmy Dimora

Not to be confused with

deceased fellow huckster, Billy Mays

Have you ever encountered a poorer
Excuse than of Jimmy Dimora?
The conspiracy claim
Is nearly as lame
As Sodom accusing Gomorrah!

Dimora Alleges Republican Conspiracy,
Seeks Federal Investigation
Bill Rice, WCPN, 6/29/09

But wait, there's more

What a week! Along with Michael Jackson's untimely death, Farrah Fawcett earned her angel's wings after a long battle with cancer, and Ed McMahon may team up again with Johnny Carson in the afterlife. But as I think about who had the most profound effect on my life, with his ready-made solutions to all of life's problems, sometimes one's I didn't even know I had...

As I ponder, comparatively,
Who I'll miss to the highest degree;
Amid choice upon choice,
Sounds his singular voice:
"Billy Mays here!" "as seen on TV."

Billy Mays dies at 50; boisterous TV pitchman
By Richard Fausset , Los Angeles Times, 6/29/09

Bad news

The news of his death seemed a killer
Like a 510 lb. gorilla.
In his own Neverland,
Michael seldom was bland;
And we'll likely not see such a thriller.

Michael Jackson's death catches
entertainment journalists unprepared
By Tina Susman, Los Angeles Times, 6/27/09

The trail not taken

Advice for Governor Mark Sanford

If you ever expect to avert
Being soiled by adulterous dirt
Then don’t' let 'em catcha,
Not in Appalachia,
But hiking up somebody's skirt.

S.C. Gov. Sanford Admits to an Affair
He Was Visiting Woman in Argentina
By Philip Rucker and Manuel Roig-Franzia
The Washington Post, 6/24/09

More tortuous rhetoric

Mr. Cheney's the spokesman we'd pick
Claiming "charges of torture won't stick."
Some think it a goof.
We say it's the proof
That conservatives didn't know Dick!

read more | digg story
The Old Faithful of Nonsense
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 5/12/09

Not sMART

Have we ever been further apart
Than we are on the Medical Mart?
Its critics have railed
That the County has failed
In transparency right from the start!

Earlier drafts of medical mart deal had
Cuyahoga County paying overruns, kept dealings private
By Joe Guillen, The Plain Dealer, 4/10/09

Depp-lorable acts

The Hollywood vision is narrow.
True crime gives a chill to the marrow.
Real pirates aren't dashing.
Their acts should be smashing
Your image of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Pirates hold captain hostage as U.S. ship sails away
By Edmund Sanders and Julian E. Barnes
The Los Angeles Times, 4/10/09

A 21, [uh] 18,[uh] 15 gun salute!

We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence,
whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex.
--------– Dwight D. Eisenhower


The Pentagon: Gates tries to nudge it.
His figures don't lie; didn't fudge it.
Will Congress comply?
If they don't, you know why.
Their pork barrel spending: can't budget!

OK so it's "put up or shut up" time for all those fiscal conservatives that have been saying they don't want to burden our children or our childrens' children with with the cost of universal healthcare or alternative energy development or education reform. Let's see how many of them are still eager to ante up for antiquated aircraft carriers, obsolete fighters, and outmoded weapons systems just to fill the pockets of fat cat constituents. Anyone taking bets?

Pentagon chief takes aim at big weapons programs
Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates wants to spend
less on elaborate systems and
more on boosting troops and intelligence.
By Julian E. Barnes, Los Angeles Times, 4/7/09

Star blight

With corruption enough to appall,
The sheriff's not flustered at all.
Which proves that this guy
Can tell the big lie;
And the bigger, the harder McFaul.

A little local news today and a bone to the opposition. I've never been a big fan of Gerald McFaul, a former pipe fitter who has managed to lock up the office of Cuyahoga County Sheriff for over 30 years through old fashioned political clout and plenty of under the table dealings. He's the longest tenured on a list of shady sheriffs in this county and I hope his resignation marks a new era of responsible and respectable law enforcement in the area. But I aint holdin' my breath!

State agents raid McFaul's office, seize records
By Mark Puente, The Plain Dealer, 3/27/09

The medium is the massage

For the acting award in a drama
This year's Webby should go to Obama.
His appeal on Nowruz
Demonstrates he makes use
Of a YouTube as well as Osama.

Kudos to our president for recognizing that the same medium used with great effect by bin Laden to foment anti-American sentiment could also be used to massage attitudes in the Middle East. No mater the official response from the Ayatollahs, the video will be ubiquitous. Hooray for YouTube diplomacy!

Obama Reaches Out to Iran With Holiday Video Message
By Debbi Wilgoren and Thomas Erdbrink
The Washington Post, 3/20/09

School is not out yet on this plan

Don't you think it's time someone learned their lesson?

AIG has a novel invention.
It's the bonus that's paid for retention
Of delinquents, not there.
Do you think that is fair?
Or, instead, should we give them detention?

An Outpouring of Anger From Lawmakers at A.I.G. Hearing
By David Stout, the New York Times, 3/18/09

Body of lies

Thanks to Mattel (and Hugh Hefner) for
fifty years of unrealistic expectations.

What psychic could possibly gauge
How this freak would become all the rage?
With plenty of plastic
She's looking fantastic
So Barbie's not telling her age.

Barbie doll gets a splashy 50th birthday bash
By Booth Moore, The Los Angeles Times, 2/17/09

A Titanic mistake

As Limbaugh shouts "I'm king of the conservatives!"
it's no time to be quibbling over which side of the boat you're on.

To those who support Rush's quip:
You chose to embark on this trip,
And refusal to bail
Means the captain could fail;
But you're bound to go down with the ship!

GOP Seeks Balance With Conservative Icon Limbaugh
By Perry Bacon Jr., The Washington Post, 3/4/09

del.icio.us

Some dog, millionaire?

Michelle says the family agrees
On a Water Dog, type: Portuguese;
Cuz they're easy to train.
Hubby wishes in vain
That Republicans were such a breeze.


Obama Vows, ‘We Will Rebuild’ and ‘Recover’
Jeff Zeleny, The New York Times, 2/25/09

Octomom vs. Dr. Mindbender

This self-absorbed mother is still
Being run through the media mill?
With all this exposure
We think, Heaven knows, you're
Just giving her ego its Phil.

Suleman says hospital wants proof she can care for octuplets
She tells TV host 'Dr. Phil' McGraw she fears that they
may not be released until she has a better living arrangement.
She and her six other children live at her mother's house
By Jessica Garrison and Kimi Yoshino
The Los Angeles Times, 2/25/09

Who wants to be a m...

Movie of the Year?

We endure what seems endless and numbing
Just to view what we knew would be coming.
The predictable plot?
When you're hot, you are hot;
And Oscar was hot to go Slumming.

Golden Statuettes, Leaden Television
By Tom Shales, The Washington Post, 2/23/09