What? Did Something Happen?

So, the election results are in, and the battle that has had Canadians in its grip since before Christmas has been decided. Yes, once again, the Marxist-Leninist Party of Canada has defeated the Communist Party of Canada. They even increased their margin of victory from last time.

Anyway, over the next few days, we'll be publishing the first ever Oi! Thump! Post-Election Guide, which will enable you, the reader, to come to grips with what has just transpired in our fair nation. Anyway, we begin tonight on a positive note:

Surprises: Good

• The New Democrats done good. Now, this is a good thing in and of itself; however, as others have pointed out, it may have deleterious effects on reality-based politics in the long run. However, it's good on a basic level to see them doing well.
  
  
• The Marijuana Party got 8% of the vote in Nunavut... This may be odd rather than good, but it is definitely surprising.
  
  
• The Bloc lost ground in Quebec. Unfortunately, they lost it to the Conservatives, but still...
  
  
• British Columbia, particularly urban B.C., screwed with the final results. Taking 5 seats off the Conservatives and giving 4 of them to the NDP? WTF? Writing from the mono-partisan dreariness of Alberta, one can only sigh in envy.
  

Them's the major ones, anyway. If any others occur to me, I'll post them up. Tomorrow: Surprises: Bad.

Hey, We Might Actually Get This Thing Done...

...as we push on, and arrive at the New Democratic Party.

What the fuck is it with nauseating colour schemes on party websites this time around? Yeesh. Anyway, the mildly socialistic NDP are in some danger of losing the political power they got last time. On the other hand, they are also in danger of holding the balance of power opposite a minority conservative government, which would be frickin' hilarious to watch.

If this party were an animal, it would be: A cute little squirrel, one which is capable of killing a dog.



Position on environmental concerns? The environment must be protected!

Attitude towards our friends to the South? Ambivalence.

Percent likelihood that they'll try to repeal gay marriage? 0%

Is Oi! Thump! voting for them? It's a possibility.

The last in our 3-part guide to the Canadian Federal election...

NEW DEMOCRATIC PARTY

Never able to transfer their provincial election successes to the national stage, the NDP long for the salad days when they were assured a third-place finish in the country. If, however, the 173rd time's the charm...
Canada is to the U.S. as a nice person is to a not very nice person.
If you're a woman you've quite possibly been nicely courted to lead the NDP
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes, and minimum wage will be a nice $43.57/hour!!
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, it'll be nice.
Gay Marriage? Yes, it'll be nice.
Historical Parallel: Millions of serial bridesmaids.


PROGRESSIVE CANADIAN PARTY

You don't have to look that closely at a group of PCP members to actually see the knives sticking out of their backs. My pity for this lost progressive wing of the old PC party is not even dimmed by their hideous frames-based website. However, if they do turn out to be a dark horse...
Canada is to the U.S. as it was in 1867.
If you're a woman you're a hell of a lot more welcome in this party than you would be in the conservatives.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Yes. Stab wounds are very painful.
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes. You can smoke it to overcome the pain of betrayal.
Gay Marriage? Since pretty much every gay person with any kind of conservative world view is a member of this party, I'm going to say yes.
Historical Parallel: Julius Caesar, after "Et tu, Brute?"

NATURAL LAW PARTY OF CANADA

I've stuck these guys in here at the end because they are actually not running in the coming election, being deregistered and all. However, few can forget their brief foray into the jello-pit of Canadian politics, when yogic flying seemed to be our best hope for the future. In a fantasy world where these folks took up the reins of government...
Canada is to the U.S. as a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples is to a grand, peaceful union of all the world's peoples.
If you're a woman you're at one with the universe.
Will you, as a minimum wage earner, get health care? Health care? Wages? Who needs 'em?
Got Decriminalized Marijuana? Yes, of course.
Gay Marriage? Everyone is married to everyone else.
Historical Parallel: None.

So, now that you're so much more politically savvy, get out there and get to it! Vote early, vote often!!!

Well, didn't see this one coming...

Tearful MP's career on hold after pocketing jewelry
Last Updated Thu, 15 Apr 2004 14:53:25

BURNABY, B.C. - New Democratic Party MP Svend Robinson stunned supporters Thursday by saying he needs to take medical leave after admitting he took a ring without paying for it.

Too bad. Of course, the Reformed Conservative Alliance Party will be on him like flies on shit, because, after all, taking stuff without paying for it is what conservatives are all about! Actually, I lie. They'll just make vague comments insinuating a connection between Robinson's theft and Robinson's sexual orientation, and then react with wounded indignation when anybody calls them on it.