William Roger: A Birth Story

I think this is the earliest I've ever written a birth story!

Liam, I was so excited for you to get here! With you being my third, I felt like I more or less knew what to expect. I assumed that we would have a bit of a difficult time getting you here, just like your brother and sister. I assumed you would be tiny and perfect and I couldn't wait to hold you on my chest the second you were born. I was most excited for the hospital bubble, spending time relaxing with just you.

But, I want to rewind for a second. Your original due was September 30th and the plan was to induce you on the 26th (daddy's birthday). Your pregnancy was normal and healthy. You measured a little bit small, but after Fitz we weren't super worried. My blood pressure was up and down though and because of that my doctor was on high alert. It had actually lowered for the 3rd trimester, so we didn't think it would be any sort of problem. So, I went in for my weekly appointment on a Thursday and I had high BP, just 2 points higher than it needed to be. When my doc saw this she turned to me and asked if I wanted to have you by Saturday. I was more than ready and agreed because I wanted her to be the one to deliver you. I don't know if my doctor just wanted to deliver you at a convenient time but either way, it was divine intervention, I'm sure of it.

I called your Dad on my way home and he was shocked. I was too excited to care. I was actually scheduled to go in the next night (Friday) to get everything moving, so we had to get everything ready quickly.  Friday was the longest day ever. I was called to go in to LDS hosptial at 9 p.m. We loaded up Ellie and Fitz and they admitted me. I was planning on sending your dad home with the kids but at the last minute we decided to have him take Ellie and Fitz to Nana's and Papa's for the night.  Good thing he did because I progressed quickly and by 4:30 you were ready to come! I couldn't believe it because it took Ellie and Fitz FOREVER to come, especially Fitz.

You were a bit different from your siblings in that labor wasn't very stressful. My anesthesiologist was amazing and I was sitting pretty for most of it. You kept your heart rate up for the most part but I did have to strap on the good old oxygen mask. I was planning on it though. When my doc got there I was ready to push and you were out in about 5 pushes. You made it to my stomach, but as they cleaned you up they realized that you were having a hard time breathing on your own. So they had to take you over to the table to help you with that. They kept saying that you should be good in just a second, but they had to take you to the NICU because you just couldn't hang. Before they took you the nurses kept saying, "look at all that hair!". I thought they were joking, but they weren't. You came out with the cutest, longest, silkiest blonde hair I've seen on a baby and you still have it at 4 months. It's still untamable and I LOVE IT.

I sent your daddy with you and I was surprised how not worried I was. I think I was mostly in shock, and was for the next 48 hours. After living through it all and looking back, I'm sure it was my coping method because being wheeled to my room without my baby was heartbreaking. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about that. Once I was settled into my room I got extra anxious because I just kept waiting for your daddy to bring you back so we could all be together. He sent me these 2 pictures in the process:

I couldn't even see what you looked like! It was killing me! Eventually, Dad came back, but without you. In my mind, it was just a matter of moments until everything was back to normal, but it was 6 hours until I was even able to go and visit you. Isn't that ridiculous that I had to go and visit my own baby! I hadn't even held you yet, or seen your face for that matter. When I was finally able to hold you it was surreal. You were so tiny and so adorable. Granted, I didn't get to see you without any kind of tubes until you were almost a week old, but I could just tell. I knew how long you had waited to get here and it just wasn't fair that you had to be under so much stress. After the nurse gave us the rundown of what everything was and what was going on I asked when I would be able to take you back to my room. She told me you'd be staying here, until I was discharged, at least. I was shocked and was so sad. What I have learned about the NICU is they don't like to give parents timelines. Which I get, but is the most infuriating thing ever. I do have to put in a plug for our nurses. Nurses are angels that walk this earth, I'm sure of it. You were always under the best care.

So, again, I was sent back to my room, without you. My doc came in to check on me and gave me an ambien so that I could finally get some sleep. The second I woke up though I was back to needing to see you. The second time there, everything hit me much harder. I realized that even after almost a whole day, things had stayed the same and I would be going to bed without my baby. Moms should never have to be in their hospital room without their babies. Never. If we're looking for the positive, I did get almost a full nights sleep your first week of life, which I guess is unheard of. It was such a bitter sweet time. When all of the emotions and fears were stripped away, I knew you were going to be ok. I knew you'd come home with us. I knew how badly you were fighting to be here and I was (and am) so proud of you.

The next week ended up being one of the most trying weeks of my life. But I'll write about that next time. I'm so glad you're here my sweet Liam. You were so anxious to get here. I'm sure I've told you, but you came to visit me a few days after we brought Fitz home from the hospital. I couldn't tell much about you except that you were SO excited to come. I felt like you were telling me that you were ready to come whenever we would have you and that you missed your brother. You came a few other times the year and I really and truly believe that if I hadn't felt you, I wouldn't have been very ready for you to come.  Honestly, I think Fitz wasn't very anxious to come here because he didn't want to leave you. I can't wait to watch your relationship with each other grow and develop. You two need each other. So, thank you for coming to visit me before you came sweetheart. It is one of the experiences I hold most dear to my heart and I will never forget it.

I love you William.

Fitzgerald Dean Ruesch: A Birth Story

I have really been struggling to write this post. For a really long time. I've thought about it almost daily and for some reason I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Why? I don't know. So, I'm just going to get started and see how this goes.

I set my induction date for September 18th with my NMW and I was so excited! I had a plan! I knew when he was coming! My house would be perfectly clean before he came! I would be packed! I would have lots of Ellie time! It would be perfect! Now, I'm sure you're laughing and waiting to hear about what went wrong. But, you know what? Nothing went wrong. He came on September 18th. My house was clean. I was packed (even though it wasn't until the 17th). I did have lots of Ellie time. However, that doesn't make for a very good story, does it?

In reality, I was an absolute nut job before he came. I can't decide whether it's less stressful to wait for them to come or knowing when they are coming down to the minute that you are scheduled to enter the hospital. I think it might be the latter. With a definite deadline came endless to-do lists, procrastination, and the race for perfection, while all the while hoping he wouldn't deviate from my carefully laid plan. After all is said and done though, I'd do it again. And again.

On the night of the 17th, we packed up what felt like 76% of our house and traveled up to Ogden to stay at my mom's house that night. I would be delivering at McKay-Dee hospital in Ogden and Ellie & J.rue would be sleeping at my mom's during those few days so it was perfect. After we unloaded the 40 million bags (I'm a notorious over-packer!) we got Ellie down to sleep and J.rue went to relax with my brothers. I couldn't sit still so I showered and asked my mom to paint my toes. I couldn't reach at that point, not even a chance. She painted my toes red and we talked babies. How fast Ellie's almost first 2 years had gone, how fast I had grown up, how I was terrified of 2, and how excited I was to have 2. I think we were all up until about 1 a.m.

Ellie has always been my rockstar sleeper. This is only important right now because the night before Fitz was born, she was not. I think she was up every 2 hours or so. I was up with her around 5:30 when my mom came and got her. Bless her for that. We were supposed to leave for the hospital around 6:45 to check in at 7, but they called me around 5:45, said they were full, and would have to push back my induction. They were hoping to still get me in that day! I was sad and mad, and mostly tired. So, I went back to bed while my angel mother slept with Ellie on the couch. Not long after, at about 8:30, the hospital called me and said they were ready for me. Now. I begged for 30 minutes. After I got off the phone I frantically started getting ready and throwing things in the car. Also, notice my swollen face, that means game time -- for the next 72 hours. WHY?!

Then it hit me, I was actually leaving my first baby. There were tears, but I knew the next time I saw her, I'd be introducing her to her brother. So, we took off and checked in. It was totally different than Ellie because I wasn't having big stupid contractions as I was walking in. They got me checked in, in my gown, and in the bed. So far, so good! The next few hours were pretty uneventful, again so nice! and so unlike last time!

I started feeling contractions around 1 or 2 and didn't wait very long to get the epidural. I was honestly terrified of this part. With Ellie I had a resident who poked me 3 times. I was bent over for 30 minutes and it hurt. Plus, it worked too well. I couldn't feel a thing. The nicest old anethesiologist walked in, well I don't know how nice he was, but his voice and presence were calming. He was amazing. Through all of my crying and shaking he managed to get it in and it hardly hurt. J.rue was so supportive through everything, but he was the sweetest and best to have right then. He held my hand and told me how tough and brave he was, how lucky the 3 of them were to have me. He's a good egg and I'm so thankful that he's mine.

After the epidural things started to get a bit more interesting. The nurses were having a hard time keeping track of his heartbeat with the monitor. My heart sank. It was happening again. So once again, I was turned onto my left side with an oxygen mask and told we would just have to watch closely and wait. Every time that line dropped, my heart sunk and the nurses came running in to evaluate. My NMW was in and out a few time and seemed calm and not too worried, but she also said all we could do was watch and wait.

At one point they totally took me off of the Pitocin, which seemed to help, but then I wasn't progressing quickly at all. They upped it to about a quarter of the lowest dose and his heart rate dropped again. At this point, my sweet nurse came in, stopped my Pitocin and told me to start preparing for the possibility of a c-section...just like last time. I don't know why being told that made me so upset, maybe just because of the stress, that this was that serious, I still don't know. Maybe I just wanted it to be better than last time. J.rue was grabbing some food and I called him in tears. He was back in a second and talked me through everything, and as long as we finished with a healthy baby, it didn't matter how he got here.

My NMW came in a few minutes later and I asked her what she was thinking. Luckily, she was not thinking C-section. I had a catheter put in with some kind of liquid. This took pressure off of Fitz and allowed his heart rate to come up. Within 30 minutes I went from a 6 to a 10 and we were ready to rock and roll. The delivery was amazing. I could feel just enough to know where to push and he was out with 3 sets of pushes. We found out immediately that the reason his heart rate kept dropping, was because his cord was wrapped around his shoulder twice and his neck twice, so kind of stressful on that tiny body.

Fitz came out at 7:15 pm, weighing 6 lbs. 13 oz. and 20.5 inches long. I was SO hoping for an 8 lb. baby, but as we know now, that didn't happen for a little bit. I did skin to skin with him immediately and was able to feed him for a minute. My mom brought Ellie in right after he was born and watching them meet was the best. The BEST! After we snuggled for a minute the weighed him and it was just surreal. Oh, and Cale was in there for the whole delivery. We've vowed to never talk about what he saw that day.

I was starving after delivery and my wonderful mother had a large pepperoni pizza waiting for me in my room when we got there. I'll never divulge how much I ate that night. It was pretty late at that point so Jeremy took Ellie back to my mom's and it was just Fitz and I. This time was so much different than with Ellie. With her, I was so overwhelmed and unsure of myself. When it got dark on her first night I begged my mom to sleep in the hospital with Jeremy and I and couldn't imagine the thought of having Ellie in the room with me all night. This time I took my time enjoying having Fitz to myself, still sent him off to the nursery, and slept as well as you can the first night after having a baby.

I just remember looking at him that first night, even looking at these pictures now, and getting butterflies. I brought a human being into this world. It's amazing and I'll never get over the wonder that it is. Looking into his eyes for the first time, holding his tiny hands, putting socks on his tiny feet. I love it all so much.

Saturday and Sunday were a dream. I love the hospital bubble. My nurses were all wonderful. I had a few visitors on Saturday, but mostly it was just Fitz and I. My recover was unreal. I was up and moving around the first night. I showered (and peed) on my own and was able to get ready every day. It was amazing, and made for a much less stressful transition to a mother of 2.

 

Fitz was circumcised on Sunday and then we got the heck out of there, because he was sad and so was I. We went back to my mom's for dinner and then we headed home as a family of 4.

Fitzy baby, I'm so glad you chose to come to us. We love you.

SO WE HAVE A BABY NOW

I know this is long overdue, but better late than never right? That's basically the theme of my blog, so I'm sure you weren't even expecting anything better.

Our sweet baby, Eleanor Blythe Ruesch, joined us on Tuesday, October 8th, at 8:37 am. She weighed 6 lbs 10 oz. and was 20.5 inches long. She came out with a less intense version of her daddy's butt chin (among 94% of the rest of his features) and a full head of hair. She made quite the dramatic entrance, but being my daughter, we didn't really expect anything less. A birth story will come soon, promise.

I'm thinking I'll let the pictures finish off this post and update you on the first few weeks in the coming days and weeks. They were hard, probably the hardest two weeks of my life, but they were also some of the most beautiful and I want to make sure to do them justice, plus be able to poke a little fun at myself because, let's be honest, I can be a little ridiculous at times.

Oh we love this girl and now for a million pictures:

Until next time!