Happy New Year!

I know it hasn't been 2000 for 6 years now.

Work with me, people!

I just liked everything about the illustration.

So what if the year is wrong!


O.k.! O.k.!

Here's another one for those of you who are picky
about little things like the year being correct!
....and I do wish nothing but "fun ahead" for all of you!

It's my birthday~The Finale

My daughters surprised me with tickets to Corteo. I was beyond thrilled since I've always loved Cirque du Soleil, but thought I'd only get to see a show if I was ever in Vegas. I had no idea a touring company show was in Atlanta.

Here are some pictures from the evening and also a video of my favorite act from the show.

It's my favorite, but there wasn't one thing about the entire experience that I wasn't happy with....it was all fabulous!

...and my daughters?

They're fabulous too!

Thanks again, girls, for making my 50th birthday so spectacular!

checking out the souvenirs before the show

some of the awesome and awesomely overpriced souvenirs
(that statuette is $650.00!!!)

tower of masks and puppets for sale

me and my sweet hubby

a better version of the chandeliers act

It's my birthday~Part 2

Apparently our various groups of friends got the memo about it
being my 50th birthday.....

At R's annual Christmas Party/Dirty Santa/Jumbalaya/Cookout
that was held tonight,
they also suprised me with a cake and assorted gifties.

J presenting me with the cake she decorated especially for me.

Notice the "birthday scepter" she's holding.

I love it....it has bells and sparkly stuff!

Close-up of birthday cake.
Do you think J was trying to get the point across that I'm gonna be
....oh....I don't know....
50?!?!?

This is the kind of gift you get when you bitch about hot flashes.

R had four Christmas trees in her house.

This one was all cats, and while I'm not a "cat person"
I thought it was pretty cool.

My Dirty Santa gift.
I think Sunshine needs to put this on a t-shirt!

Ok.

I'm tired from all this celebrating and it's not even my birthday yet.

I'm going to bed.

p.s. I'm spoiled as hell and I know it.

Don't hate me.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

It's my birthday~Part 1

Weeza arranged a small birthday luncheon for me today
at my favorite little restaurant here in Hell.

It was so sweet of my friends to take time out of their busy work and
holiday schedules to come have lunch with me!

Of course, presents are always nice too. ;-)

Here are some pictures from today.

Me with one of two Yankee Candles I received.
I love me some Yankee Candles!

Isn't this just precious?!?
I'd never seen one quite like this before.

decorations for my Crocs...
the one on the right is a crown, of course!

Can you tell from this picture that I love picture frames?
I also received a huge matching candle stick
that is so heavy it can double as a weapon!

The group.....
I love my friends!

Maid in Hell

I LOVE my new casa.

Really.

So does Sweet Man.

We both revel in how spacious it is....how airy....how bright and shiny and new .....the three full baths..... the huge walk-in shower with the dual shower heads and the glass block window.....the fact that you can go to the bathroom and no one else in the house has to know.....the wet bar, the granite counter tops, the hardwood floors, the 5 sets of French doors, the fire pit, the decks, the covered patio.....

All that.

Do we love cleaning it?

Not so much.

Suzy Q warned me that I'd get tired of cleaning a house that is almost 1000 square fit bigger than the original casa de Pissy.

She was right.

I love decorating it, shopping for just the right things for it, making it look just the way I want it to look....

You know.

All the fun stuff.

I may have to go back to work so I can afford a maid.

People out there trying to run a bitch over...

Since we moved to the new casa, I've been walking Buster on a regular basis.

Just around the block mostly.

If I go to the right when I leave the driveway, we go downhill and through a wooded area with few houses.

If I go to the left, we go uphill towards the elementary school and around a block with lots of houses.

Tonight we went uphill.

MISTAKE!

It was around 7:00 p.m. and in the time it took to go around that densely populated block, no fewer than 8 vehicles passed me.

Going fast.

A few times, I had to get off the street and up in someone's yard to avoid being hit by some asshole going 45 miles an hour on a residential street.

What I want to know is: why were all these people even out at 7:30 in the evening on a weeknight?

Shouldn't they all be at home having dinner with their families?

Helping their kids do homework?

Wrapping presents?

Baking cookies?

Trying not to run my ass over?

I already know not to walk Buster between the hours of 7:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m.

Why?

Because of the aforementioned elementary school.

It's a block and a half up the street from me.

Every morning and afternoon my street turns into Hell's version of the Talledega Superspeedway.

Every yuppie mom in Hell comes racing past my house in her massive SUV...hurrying to be on time to pick up little Chutney Suzanne or Hunter Trey...they can't be late to their dance/gymnastics/scoccer/basketball/target practice lesson.

I swear I've thought about standing out at my curb some morning or afternoon with a sign that says:

Slow the fu*k down!

People might want to walk their dogs!

The only thing that's stopped me is that I don't want to go to jail.

I know too many people there.

DNA testing, remember?

Raise your hand if you're hot

All right. You can all put them down now.
I mean temperature-wise....not how you look.

My ass is hot all the damn time these days.

And I mean temperature-wise.

Not how I look.

It's 5:30 in the morning right now.

I've been awake since 3:30.

Why?

Too hot to sleep.

Even while wearing summer pajamas and with a fan running.

.....and don't even get me started on how many times I've said to Sweet Man: "is it hot in here or is it just me?"

Y'all know what the answer is.

Just how hot do I get?

Try so hot that I wore capri yoga pants, a short-sleeved t-shirt and flip-flops to deliver the cream cheese brownies the other day.

So hot that when I walked Buster at 7:30 the other night I was wearing capris, a t-shirt and flip-flops.

And it was 60 degrees outside.

So hot that I'll be sitting watching t.v. or blogging and all of a sudden my face feels like it's on fire......

No....wait!

That's a hotflash.

Totally different kind of hot.

G*d damn menopause.......

It's a good thing I was genetically blessed and don't look too terribly old for being 10 days away from my 50th birthday, or I'd be really PISSED!!!!

What do you get when you cross a pickle with a reindeer?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

*Around-the-world-and-back-Santa-snaps to Kay-Kay for another fabulous forward!

Remember those recipes I asked for?

Thank you all so much for sending them,
but I decided to take the easy way out
because I'm lazy like that.

Instead, I made what I knew would turn out well....

Cream Cheese Brownies

(This recipe is the original copy that a friend
gave me over 20 years ago.

See how lazy I am?

I haven't even re-copied it.)

Prepping.....

the brownie mixture
awaiting the cream cheese layer....

The best part...
the cream cheese mixture

(yum!!!!!!)

cream cheese layered on top of brownie mixture

in the oven....

loving close-up of frosted finished product...
(don't they look gooooooood?!?!?)

lined up on trays.....

~and~

wrapped and ready to go.

~Meanwhile.....
Buster was so exhausted by my frenzy of activity,
that he fell sleep upside down while I worked.

Hollywood Swingers

Did anybody watch the "Nip/Tuck" season finale?

Those writers are some sick muthafu*kers.

Damn I love that show....

If I'm not around much...

It's because my Christmas slash birthday present came early.

Pardon me while I teach myself how to use all the options it has.

Media Center tutorials~here I come!





















p.s. Thank you Jesus for the widescreen~y'all know I can't see for shit!

The youngest one there.....

I should has suspected something when Sweet Man said we were meeting at the restaurant for dinner at 5:00 p.m........

Sweet Man and I went to an anniversary dinner Saturday night for one of his best golf buddies and his wife.

It was their 45th anniversary.

Considering they were both 16 when they got married.....they're not that old. Relatively speaking....

We get to the large back booth where the party had been seated, and it looked like a scene from the movie 'Cocoon'.

Everyone....men and women alike~had gray or white hair. Well....the men who still had hair.










And the women! Serious polyester, granny hair, granny glasses....I'm talking Hallmark granny, y'all! Not the cool grandmothers you see on tv these days.











I was really shocked. I knew these people had older friends, but this old?!?!?

One couple there had been married 48 years.

Another couple had been married for 40 years and had 7 children, 17 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren.

The oldest lady there was married on December 7, 1941.

Pearl Harbor Day.

She was nineteen years old at the time.

I'm going to be 50 in a couple of weeks and for the first time in a long time.....I felt really young.

I want my dog's life.....

They start the day out thinking about sleeping....

sleeping deeply (while wearing a striped shirt)....
sleeping together...
(notice the words on the front of their bed)
sleeping in someone's arms....
and last but not least~
sleeping in the den before they go to bed for the night.

Adventures in DNA Collecting: Collecting in December SUCKS Edition

I probably shouldn't even post today because I'm exhausted....physically and mentally.

But since
I decided to post anyway.

I've come to the conclusion that DNA testing to determine paternity should be put on hold for the month of December....kinda like a Christmas cease-fire.

It's just too damn sad.

For the collector, anyway....

I've tested 35 people in the past two days....one of them in jail....in handcuffs and leg shackles.

*Depressing.....

A mother sitting across from me who is the same age as my youngest daughter-twenty four.

This 24 year old has an 8 year old, a 5 year old and a 7 month old baby.

All from different fathers.

Two of the children are black.

The one I tested today was hispanic.

The mother is white with long red hair.

*Depressing.....

I lost count of how many babies I tested today.

"Baby's First Christmas" shouldn't include being tested to determine who your daddy is....


The 13 year old girl who came in to be tested.....

Her "mom" tells her, "We'll test this guy and if he's not the one....we'll test the others."

*Depressing

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

*sigh*

Only one more county to go....

Happy now?

I "decorated" for Christmas.

I bought this wreath and wreath stand today
and that was all I was gonna put out.

But y'all know me.....

(my pictures don't do it justice because I suck as a photographer)

One thing led to another, but I
only used stuff from one small box of
Christmas decorations that aren't in our storage unit....

entry way....
(I know I need to hang something underneath that picture,
but I haven't found just the right thing yet.)


Halltree in the small hallway leading down to the den.
I left this picture blurry intentionally
because there's a picture of Little Pissy on it,
but you still get the idea...

I even put a wreath on the fairy's head
and hung some "Joy" on the lampshade...

I also did a centerpiece for the dining room table,

but that picture was even worse than these.


I know.


Hard to believe, huh?


~and~


My freshly manicured hand....
just for the hell of it.

Yes I have a thumb on that hand.

It's just not pictured.

Trust me....it looks as good as my fingers.

"We're friends because, amazingly, you don't seem intimidated by my beauty"*

Whew! I'm tired!

I just spent an hour creating a gift registry for myself at Sephora.

Who knew picking out pricey cosmetics for one's self could be so much work?













My daughters said they wanted me to "make a Christmas list"~ so I did.

They may end up being sorry they asked.

....and now.....

from the sublime to the ridiculous:

I'm off to do DNA testing.



*message inside of card I gave Weeza