Chelsea Salomone

2) Yard art. Oh let me tell you, my neighbors commit this heinous crime left and right. The giant wooden Santa Claus cut out in December. A giant scalloped heart candy box in February. An oversized wooden turkey with the family's name written in cursive in the fall. Don't even get me started on the Disney ones. Glitter, tinsel, lights, it doesn't matter how you do it. I don't.

3) Peel and stick decals. Specifically those displayed on front doors or front windows. You know the ones- those slick, flimsy little stickers we all loved when we were kids. You can stick them to a window and then peel them right off. They come in a fine assortment of hearts, Christmas trees, space ships, pumpkins...Something about those stickers just aren't right to me. Especially when they're stuck all over someone's front door. I'm sure our kids will want them someday. And that's fine. When we have kids, they can stick those things all over their bedroom. If they absolutely must, they can plaster them on their bathroom mirrors and ceiling fans and bedroom windows. Just not on the front door. That's reserved for wreaths only. These are probably the least offensive thing on my list. For some reason, I just think they're icky.

4) Drive a mini van for real. Ah.. the mini van. It doesn't matter if it's a Town & Country, a Honda Odyssey, a Grand Caravan, a Sedona, a Sienna, an Aerostar, a Windstar.... I just can't stomach it. Buy an SUV people. Something about that sliding door and sleek rocket ship shape just gets me.

Now, there is a clause on this one. I said I will never drive a mini van "for real." There are times and exceptions to this rule. This would include driving a mini van only as a joke. For example, when we were in college Erin's mom had a mean Town and Country. We affectionately named her Goldie. Goldie was old school- tape deck and all. Now there were many a time we would ask to borrow Goldie in college for the sheer fact that it was FUNNY for 8 girls to pile out of a mini van on North Gate. We would bring Jenny's old school "boom box" so that we could listen to cds in Goldie. (You just had to remember to pick up the boom box from the floor board when you hit the breaks or a bump so the cd didn't skip.) Goldie even accompanied us on two different spring break trips. Being 22 and shoe polishing "honk if you're single" on a gold van before heading off to South Padre? Funny. There was also the time last May in Florida when we specifically requested a mauve mini van for a rental (as a tribute to Goldie who has long since been sold). Again, a bunch of girls driving around to Florida bars and taking turns too fast in a mini van? Funny. Going to the car lot and choosing to purchase a mini van out of the hundreds of options? Not funny.