Modesty

I've just discovered a new webzine over at Next . This month particularly has a worthwhile read in Lydia Brownback's article, The Single Woman and the Modesty of Personal Restraint:

As the spring season blooms, talk about modesty heats up in Christian conversation as fast as the weather. Bloggers, radio hosts, and the rest of us lament the shorter hemlines, deeper necklines, exposed bellies, and bare bottoms in thong bikinis at the neighborhood swim club. But immodesty deals with a lot more than revealing too much skin. We are just as prone—if not more so—to overexpose what’s under our skin. Revealing too much about ourselves is immodest too. When Peter painted his picture of godly womanhood, it included outward modesty—how we handle “the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing”—but it also included the modesty of personal restraint—“a gentle and quiet spirit,” which, he said, is very precious in God’s sight (1 Pet. 3:4).

Read on here. You'll also find further resources on the Next site with a bunch of conference messages from over the years on various subjects and from top notch speakers.

The Single Woman as Homemaker

Yesterday the Girltalk blog addressed the following question from a single woman regarding homemaking.

I honestly don't know what I'll do if I don't get married - being a stay-at-home-mom is all I've ever really desired to do as a "career"!....Do you have any encouragement for the single woman who desires to be a wife and mom, but...is not?

Read their response here.

Single in Christ

Continuing our discussion on singleness, John Piper preached this sermon last week which I have found challenging as someone who is married with children. There are many times when I find myself idolizing my marriage and family life. I needed to be reminded once again that these things are temporary and that my relationship with Christ defines the value of my life. To be in Christ is to have God's best, it is not his gift of a husband and children.

The following is an excerpt from the sermon of which I encourage you, whether single or married, to listen to and gain wisdom.

My main point is that God promises those of you who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children, and he calls you to display, by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness, the truths about Christ and his kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage and childrearing. The truths, namely,

1. That the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ;¹
2. That relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families (and, of course, it is wonderful when relationships in families are also relationships in Christ; but we know that is often not the case);
3. That marriage is temporary, and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face to face;
4. That faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life; all other relationships get their final significance from this. No family relationship is ultimate; relationship to Christ is.

To say the main point more briefly: God promises spectacular blessings to those of you who remain single in Christ, and he gives you an extraordinary calling for your life. To be single in Christ is, therefore, not a falling short of God’s best, but a path of Christ-exalting, covenant-keeping obedience that many are called to walk.

If you don't have time to listen to all the sermon, here's a 5 minute excerpt:

How to Minister to Single Women

I'm dipping in and out of Elyse Fitzpatrick & Carol Cornish's book, Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face. It's a tome of superb advice and I'm appreciating the learning. One of the chapters I was keen to read first was on women and their singleness. As someone who struggled with my own singleness before I got married, I'm very keen to learn how I can encourage single women in my church. Fitzpatrick & Cornish have a few ideas, so if you are a married person and want to know how practically you can minister to the single ladies in your church here are 10 of their top tips.

1. Be a mentor

2. Adopt a single woman

3. Offer to be available to help in case a problem arises

4. Pick a single woman to encourage

5. Choose friends of all ages and positions in life, including single women

6. Ask a gody single woman to become involved with your teenagers (or in my case, my babies!)

7. Choose a single woman to pray for throughout the week

8. Offer to host dinners or other social events for the singles in your church

9. Start a single woman's group to study the biblical view of singleness

10. Help a woman build godly brother/sister relationships

If you have any other helpful tips on how you minister to single women, or if you are single and can offer some insight I'd appreciate the wisdom.

Let's Talk About Dating...

Here's a few thoughts from Boundless:

• Be Realistic
• Holding Out
• The Harm in Hanging Out
• Moving Toward Clarity
• Being Proactive
• Managing Expectations

Crosswalk

One resource I like to check out now and again is the Crosswalk webzine. There are interesting reads covering singles, marriage, family life, entertainment, career & finance, and spirituality. Here are some of their recent articles for your interest. They will only take up a few minutes of your time to read. Even better, check out the site here.

• Words can Captivate Your Man
• Want a Healthy Marriage? Prioritize Fun
• A Relationship Requires more than just Love
• Take Your Life off Hold
• The Worth of a Stay-at-Home Spouse
• Mummy Wars
  

Dating with Purpose, Dating with Purity

Tonight my husband and I are giving a talk to our youth group at church. They have asked us to speak on dating. I don't have time to go into all that we will touch on, except to say that the more we read on this issue, two things are continually brought home to us: Dating with purpose and dating with purity.

I simply therefore want to highlight a few resources that we have found helpful in our reading. For those of you who are contemplating dating, or are already involved in such a relationship, take time to read the short articles on this subject from Boundless, and for a more in depth read, both books by Joshua Harris are recommended.

• Biblical Dating: An Introduction
  
• Biblical Dating: Are You Ready to Date?
• What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?
  
• Biblical Dating: To Kiss or not to Kiss?
  
• Does God Bring People Together?
• Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend
• Brother, You're Like a Six!

• "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris
• "Boy Meets Girl" By Joshua Harris

Wise Words for Women: Guard Your Heart

I came across the following article the other day courtesy of Lydia at The Purple Cellar. "Guard Your Heart" addresses unmarried women, exhorting them to guard their hearts so that "it does not become entangled emotionally without the protection of a covenant." The author, Nancy Wilson, offers some exhortations which she admittedly might come across as "a trifle negative", but will have positive results. I'd like to quote from her article for today's wise words and commend the rest for your reading.

Nancy writes:

You must guard your imagination if you want to guard your heart. Don’t feed a lonely heart with cheesy romance novels or chick flicks and fantasize about the men or the relationships described. This can quickly become lust—lusting to be lusted after. Don’t allow yourself to imagine someone is interested in you when he is just being friendly. Don’t imagine that he had a tender look when he said hello to you, when he was really just giving you a polite greeting. In other words, do not develop wild crushes. If the man in question shows an interest elsewhere, you will be hurt, and depending on how much you indulged your imagination, you may be devastated. Be realistic about the men who show you attention....

Cultivating male group friendships is a healthy alternative to the world’s dating system, but we must not use these friendships to fill a void. Friendships can be sexually charged, and women are usually very ignorant about this. Friendships should not be intimate, but good-naturedly distant. Would you be able to maintain the friendship on an equal footing if you were married? If not, it is probably an inappropriate friendship. Women should have the kind of friendships with the brothers that are characterized by purity and propriety. If you have to alter your behavior after you are married, you have probably been behaving in an unwise or ungodly manner....

Faith: For the Man He'll Become

Carolyn McCulley from Solo Femininity has written an article this month for Boundless entitled, Faith: For the Man He'll Become. There is no perfect man out there waiting for us to marry. No one man can match our dreams for a godly husband. Nonethless, Carolyn's article encourages single women to continue with these hopes and aspirations for a future mate, but to recognise that it is only through premarital discernment and a wives holy influence that any future husband can be headed in that direction. She writes:

How would you describe the man you want to marry? What would he be like as a husband, father, and provider?

If you've had numerous godly male role models in your life — your father, pastor, boss, family friend, uncle, small group leader — you may already have a mental picture based on the qualities you appreciate in these men. You may see some of the husbands and fathers in your church and think to yourself that you'd like to marry a man just like them. Those are great aspirations to have! But first you may need to talk to their wives.

Why? Because these women didn't marry the husbands they have today. Typically, they married less seasoned men. Thanks to the Holy Spirit's refinements over time, as well as the feminine counsel, influence, and encouragement of these wives, their husbands are different some 20-plus years down the line.

She goes on:

Take a look at the young men you know. Can you see them with eyes of faith? Like trees in springtime with an impressionistic haze of buds, the potential for growth is strongly evident but it's not yet fully realized.

So here's what I want to impart to you: There is a learning curve to a man's leadership as a husband and father. The qualities you can see in a 50-year-old man's life were developed over 50 years. There are 25 more years of growth ahead for the 25-year-old man before it's fair to compare them. While you are called to be discerning about the characters of the men you befriend or court/date, you also have a part in encouraging these men to grow. In fact, that's part of your learning curve as you prepare for being a wife.

To read the rest of the article click here.

Brother, You're Like a Six!

"Physically attractive...
good sense of humour... fun-loving... chemistry... financially stable...."

Such are the search criteria for many singles when looking for a prospective partner. But as Christians: "Is this the foundational way to evaluate a potential spouse?" Scott Croft, an elder at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, thinks not. You can read his challenging article, Brother, You're Like a 6 at Boundless. Another article well worth a read is: What Does A Biblical Relationship look like? Ladies, some things worth pondering over, and passing on to the boys.

People with a Special Calling

This month in Evangelicals Now there is an article by Jacqui Wright called Christian Single Parents: People with a Special Calling. It looks at the different phases in family life: crisis; survival; setbacks; stability and service, before describing what it's like being a Christian Single Parent. For those of us who don't find ourselves in this position, ponder these words:

"Christian single parents are real people living in a real broken world who have to face the consequences of the brokenness, for themselves and their children. The majority are unwilling divorcees having to deal with a Christian spouse’s wrong choices and actions. Others are widowed or were unmarried. But the reality of Christian single parenting is the same for all. It is a hard task for we are not ‘Superdad’ or ‘Supermum’, but weak and frail human beings with needs and desires, like everyone else.

Often we are caught in between two groups in the church: married people raising children, who do not face the unique problems we do, and single people, who may never have married and do not fully understand child rearing. So we are a ‘parent’, but not married, and we are ‘single’, but not footloose and fancy free. Christian single parents, and their children, need non-judgemental understanding and support from both sides: the married parents and the singles without children, and from the whole church family. Most of all, they need unconditional love and acceptance."

You can read the rest of the article here.

Blog Spot!

Today I'd like to recommend Solo Femininity, particularly for all you singles out there. The author of this blog is Carolyn McCulley, a single woman who has written Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred. Although I've not read the book it's on my list of books to look at, but if any of you get a copy first I'd be glad to hear what you think. Anyways, back to her blog. There is a wealth of helpful material and resources on singleness and definitely worth a look. Some of the more interesting reads are the categories on Understanding Men, Singles & the Church, Relationships and a good Q & A section. Enjoy!

Singled Out for Good

I've just finished reading an article by Paige Benton Brown called "Singled Out for Good: A Biblical View of being Christian and Single." This is a really short, easy to read article and somewhat funny! One thing she said that is of note is:

"My identity is not found in my marital status but in my redemptive status. I am one of the 'haves,' not one of the 'have-nots'."

It's a reminder even to one that is married, that my identity is not bound up in the fact that I have a husband or am a mother. Yesterday I was reading in Ezekiel 24 where God tells Ezekiel that he will take from him the 'delight of his eyes', his wife. Ezekiel was to be to the people of Israel a living parable, telling them that God was about to take from them, because of their unfaithfulness, the delight of their eyes, Jerusalem. What struck me most was that Ezekiel remained faithful, carrying out the commands the Lord had given him despite the death of his wife. For Ezekiel, and for any follower of Christ, our lives must be supremely bound up in Him. First I am a Christian, then I am a wife, then a mother. I can only be a proper wife and mother if I am above all faithful to God first. Otherwise, there is no value in these roles themselves.

Singles, I wish I was reminded many a time before getting married that my life was singled out for good, then as it is now. Psalm 84:11 says: "No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless" - even when we are single. If you'd like to read this article click here.