Shattered Dreams and the Love of God....

Natalie, June 2008

Many of my readers may also frequent the Young Ladies Christian Fellowship blog and already know about Natalie's story. But for those of you who don't...

Natalie has become a contemporary icon among many Christian girls who have sought to love and honor the Lord and live lives of purity. She's a prolific writer, churning out volumes since her high school days. Her books, Quest for the High Places and "Pearl of Beauty: Becoming Maidens of Purity" have inspired girls everywhere to love the Lord more passionately and to put their lives, futures, and yes, their very hearts into His hands.

As long as I have known Natalie, she has had an unwavering commitment to please her Savior. She has been one of those gentle, tenderhearted, beautiful souls who has always inspired me to love the Lord in the same way she does. She has been the very essence of femininity, delighting in being the woman God created her to be. Natalie's greatest desire beyond loving her Lord has been to be a wife and a mother. She struggled with singleness and wrote about it... and we were all spurred on to love the Lord and rest in Him with the same unwavering trust that Natalie had.

When Prince Charming finally came along and swept Natalie off her feet last year, her friends and family rejoiced with her. Natalie found him to be the man she had always dreamed of (and wondered if he existed) and her dad found him to be the man who he had always prayed for. Such a wonderful, Godly young man...we were all so happy for her. We smiled to ourselves and whispered, "God is good to the soul that waits for Him..."

Natalie was married last October in a beautiful fairy-tale wedding. Her friends wept tears of joy at the beauty of Natalie's life - one who had waited and trusted and had been blessed so richly. I didn't get to be there as I was at my cousin's wedding that day. But I remember sending Natalie a note that expressed what I had felt so deeply in watching her story: "Natalie, your life has been a living example to me of someone who has never wavered in letting God choose HIS best for you..."

Once again, God has chosen his best for Natalie, but not in a way that I would never have imagined.

A few short months after Natalie vowed to love and honor her husband till death, Natalie found herself forced out of her new home and divorced.

Natalie tells her story here:

Part I

Part II

I still have not come to grips with what has happened to this dear girl who I love and respect so much. There are a thousand "Why's?" I could ask.

"How could he?!" seems to be a recurring thought of mine in recent days.

But in spite of Natalie's life and dreams shattered to pieces while we stare at the wreckage and wonder how this could have happened to her, I find that Natalie is still confident of her trust in the One Who she gave her heart to so long ago.

I don't know what God has in mind for Natalie. I found this post of her's (a couple months after finding herself where she never thought she'd be) to express very well what I cannot even begin to imagine.

When young Joni Earekson jumped off a diving board and broke her neck years ago, no one could see any good in it. But God knew.

When the five young missionaries were murdered in Ecuador in the 1950's, God looked cruel and harsh to the world who looked on. But those five men had yielded their very lives to Christ. They had been willing to die so that others might live. And what God did with the loss of those five lives brought thousands and thousands more to eternity. The seemingly senseless death of young Jim Elliot produced a writer (his young widow, Elisabeth Elliot) with a depth and clarity about the love of God that millions of us are grateful for.

Once again, what I said to Natalie rings true, although in a very different light.
"Natalie, your life has been a living example to me of someone who has never wavered in letting God choose HIS best for you..."

I know that God loves her and as crazy as it may seem, she can still trust Him. Beyond that, not much makes sense at this point.

Marriage - the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Over the past two years, several of my good friends have decided that they were "done" with their marriages, and happily divorced and moved on. One of them is still single. Several others have recently remarried. In all of these cases, the biggest reason for the divorce? Husband and wife were either mutually sick and tired of one another, or the wife decided that she had put up with her husband "being a jerk" for long enough. I don't think adultery has been involved in any of these divorces. Mostly, it just comes down to a lot of years together with a lot of accumulated irritations, bitterness, and grievances.

Having watched my own parent's less-than-ideal, yet very committed marriage of close to three decades, I know that marriage isn't always beautiful and romantic. I know that sometimes its hard and ugly and long and that some days staying together seems far more insane than finding separate worlds to live in. But I've watched their marriage and many others, with lots of commitment and work and prayers and tears become... not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but vibrant testimonies to the grace of God.

Visiting with one of my friends as her divorce was being finalized, I asked, "So, what would make you reconsider? It sounds like your husband doesn't really even want this to happen. And what about your little boy?"

She defensively sat up a little straighter and emphatically said, "It's about time that I did something for ME for once! I've been walked all over for nearly ten years while he's been complaining about depression and burying himself in his job. I'm done. I just don't care anymore if it's good for him or not. My husband hasn't made me happy in a long, long time. He wants to save our marriage, but he doesn't have any idea of what I need. And I'm withering away with nobody looking out for me. Frankly, I don't care if he's going to change now. He's not the guy I thought I married and I've bent over backwards to try to help him. I'm ready to find someone that won't take so much work. I've finally decided that it's time that I just stand up for myself and do what I need for ME."

She followed through with the divorce then found a "new" man - one who assured her that maintaining relationships is his top priority. (His other 2 wives walked out on him, claiming that he wasn't meeting their needs, so I don't know if I believe him... Maybe he's changed a few things...) Maybe this marriage will work, maybe it won't. That's beside my point.

My friend isn't a Christian, so she sets the rules for herself (for now -- she'll find out differently some day). So, I can't really fault her in thinking that making herself happy is the chief end in life.

But for my Christian friends who have recently decided to throw in the towel on their marriage of 10 or 20 years... and give up because they were tired of another sinful human being who isn't considerate, unselfish, loving, or helpful... I am appalled.

I know.
I haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

I know.
I've never even been married and don't know half of the heartbreak they've encountered.

I know.
I'm unqualified to write about a subject of which I know so little.

But, a few of these situations have brought me to my knees over and over again, begging God for wisdom. He always pointed me back to His Word reminding me that the facts are very plain. He's not okay with forgiveness being over after seven times or even seventy times.
I have been reminded that even when our heart would like to tell us that truth is whatever fits the situation, the Word of God has not changed.

Although I prefer to be non-confrontational and "mind my own business" in these situations, a couple of times the Lord has prompted me that it was my duty to do more than pray. It was my duty speak up in love. I've tried to do just that.

I recently penned a letter to a dear, dear Christian friend who told me that she was "so done" with her husband of several decades and contemplating remarriage.

As one who has experienced the mercy of God in great measure (haven't we all?!), I hoped that the themes of forgiveness and redemption would call her back to reality, and that she would give her marriage a second chance. I apologize for the length of the post, but I hope that it's worth your time as well.