What Your Favorite 'Mario Kart' Character Says About You
The Mario Kart games are one of those series that defines you as a person. Your choices - like when to use the notorious blue shell - can lead you to victory and destroy friendships. But the most important decision in any iteration of Mario Kart is your character.
Those who claim to play all the characters equally are liars. Everyone has a favorite driver, and your preferred Mario Kart character can give even strangers an intimate look into your psyche. Starting to date someone new? Forget asking where they grew up - their Mario Kart avatar can help you decide whether or not they're the one. Trying to get a handle on your new boss? Casually ask who they choose to put behind the digital wheel.
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Ah, the classic. You are most likely the first-born, which means you live to boss people around. You're the person who invites your friends over to "take turns" playing a one-player game, but for the most part, you play while everyone else watches. That's fun, right?
If you're at a bar and your favorite song comes on, you let out a guttural "WOOOO!" and drag all your friends out onto the dance floor. Yeah, your pals probably complain about how annoying you can be, but let's be honest - they would lead fairly dull lives without you.
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You are the queen (or king) of low-key shade. Did you just unleash that blue shell when the leader was five seconds away from the finish line? Oops. You may seem naive, but it's just an act. You're known to post Instagram stories aimed at your ex, and you're the master of setting thirst traps.
Anything that catches your attention can turn into an obsession, but you can become bored with it just as quickly as you fell in love.
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You tend to be right about things, but people don't listen because you have the presence of a wet noodle. You like to think of yourself as a shy introvert, which is partially true, but for the most part, you're a coward with a superiority complex.
Everyone yells at you for not pointing out something crucial earlier (even though you did), and you take it. Like you always do.
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You are a pain in everyone's behinds. You always make your presence known and laugh at your own jokes. Your go-to move is keeping a banana peel on the back of your cart and swooping right in front of someone to wipe them out - it's never not hilarious!
You're belligerent, but people can't help but like you - even if they sometimes hate you.
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People talk about how sweet or adorable you are, but for once you'd like it if someone took your ideas seriously. Your plan to launch a dating site that matches people based on their favorite cookie is foolproof! You may come off as sweet and innocent like your ideas, but in reality, there is a constant, quiet rage brewing inside you.
If anyone brings up that embarrassing thing you did 10 years ago one more time, you'll snap - or continue smiling and thinking about the day you finally exact revenge.
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Who hurt you? You always act like you have something to prove, whether it's how cool you are or how you were the one who taught David Blaine the "catch a bullet in your mouth" trick. People often smile and nod as you rant - not because they're interested, but because they're afraid you'll add them to your hit list if they don't.
You've definitely tried to summon a demon in the past, and sometimes you even convince yourself it worked.
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How are you so positive all the time? You have 10 Pinterest boards dedicated to different types of positive affirmations, and no one is judging you for it. You have a lust for life that people aspire toward, and you strive to see the best in others.
If something - or someone - gets you down, though, it's ugly. Like don't-shower-for-days ugly. Fortunately, you have a lot of friends to see you through these rare but perturbing times.
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You're a hypermasculine type, a troll, or a not-so-fun combination of the two. You post photos of your daily protein shakes and are constantly on the lookout for your swole-mate. There are tenderness and vulnerability underneath that tough shell, but few people get to see that side of you.
Or you're the parent playing this game with your kids. You always gotta remind them who's in charge.
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You naaaaaasty.
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You were definitely a narc in elementary school. You want to come off as chill and fun, but most people can see through your thin, anxiety-ridden facade. You create self-fulfilling prophecies, but still don't understand why life has been so tough for you. See if your insurance covers cognitive behavioral therapy.
Any Of The Baby Characters
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All your photos have a Snapchat filter on them, and you slip into baby talk when you're drunk. People in your friend group talk about you, but they tolerate you because you have a really great party house. You like to think of yourself as a warm and inviting friend, but you can't resist indulging in a rosé-fueled gossip sesh.
Real talk, though: Unless you are under the age of 9, playing as one of the baby versions of adult characters is unacceptable.
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You think everything's an inside job and refuse to participate in politics because it's all rigged anyway. The Matrix is your favorite movie. One of your biggest fears is being corrected when discussing krautrock's influence on contemporary EDM or the atrocities committed by Big Pharma.
When you're not on Reddit, you're likely smoking pot and coming up with ways to defeat The Man.
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You're the type of person who is okay with losing a couple battles if it means winning the war - and you don't play lightly. That co-worker who always pours the last cup of coffee without starting a new brew? You may not call them out now, but your 47-step plan to get them fired is already in motion. That ex who unceremoniously dumped you for their work crush? You already have five dummy social media accounts set up to track their every move and ultimately end their new fling.
People tend to overlook you, but that's just fine in your book - it helps you get away with all your plotting that much easier.
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Can we get a bellhop, because you have serious baggage. You're the type who texts their high school sweetheart to test the waters - even though you haven't spoken in years and they're married with children. Your social media feed is full of "LOL I'm so ugly" selfies that beg for some form of validation.
You're not just a wreck on wheels, though. You definitely know how to get a party started, even if it's by doing a goofy dance or shooting beer out of your nose after an unsuccessful keg stand. You're gonna be okay one day. Promise.
