'Spider-Man': Threat or Menace?

By now you've probably heard about the disastrous Spider-Man musical's preview night, but it's still worth reading all the crazy crap that went wrong. At this point, I'm almost convinced that it's some big meta-joke, a budget-busting show about a character who lives paycheck-to-paycheck, a media disaster about a character who is loathed by the media, a threat to audiences and a menace to actors. I would be completely unsurprised if J. Jonah Jameson himself were bankrolling the project, sitting backstage and shouting "No, no, make him get stuck above the audience! I want him humiliated!" while chomping on a cigar.

Despite that, I've been getting into a Spider-Man mood lately. I picked up "Shattered Dimensions" on Black Friday, and it's gotten me back into watching "Spectacular Spider-Man" on Netflix. But at this point, I'm itching for some good modern Spidey comics, and I'd like to kind of stick to trades. I haven't been reading the Brand New Day era religiously or anything, but I've liked what I have read (BND volumes 1 & 3, "New Ways to Die," and the Mark Waid two-parter with the Shocker). So I'm looking for some recommendations: which current Spider-Man trades should I be picking up? What's the best of the best of the Brand New Day era? What should I avoid?

Incidentally, I'll spend the meantime reading Marvel Masterworks Spider-Man vol. 5, which finally just came out in paperback. I've been waiting for that since I was an undergrad. And I'm kind of shocked to see how Ditko-esque the early Romita style was. Definitely not what I was expecting.

Quick Question

Anyone know if it's still canon that Peter Parker's parents were government secret agents who were killed by the Red Skull? Because that doesn't get mentioned enough.

Seriously, Peter works with Nick Fury often enough that it'd be interesting to see Nick trying to groom Peter into a spy like his parents.

Can you spare a dime?

Okay, allow me to be totally shameless for a moment: I've decided to thin out my comic collection a little bit, which means I'm selling some stuff on eBay. I've got three auctions up now, with more to come in the next couple of days, and it'd be great if you'd all go and check them out and maybe bid on them so I can pay my loans and bills and stuff. Okay?

If that doesn't interest you yet, how about this partial list of the things I'm selling:

• "Astonishing X-Men" #1-12
  
• "New X-Men" #135-154
  
• The complete "Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive" issue collection
  
• "Civil War" #1-7 (first print)
  
• "Civil War: Front Line" #1-5, plus the Wizard World Chicago exclusive #1
  
• "Secret Invasion" #1-8
  
• The complete "Truth: Red, White, & Black" miniseries
  
• Issues #1-13 of the 2001 "Captain America" relaunch
  
• The complete Batman "Hush," "Broken City," "Hush Returns" and "Snow" story arcs
  
• "Thor: Blood Oath" #1-6
  
• Early issues of "Spider-Girl" (including #1) and other MC2 comics
  
• "Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil that Men Do" #1-6
  
• Kevin Smith's first "Daredevil" issue

And a bunch of other stuff. I know, I know, some of it is stuff I'd probably not buy again either, but there's bound to be something of interest to someone out there in the blogohedron.

Now if only I could unload all these copies of X-Men #1...

Short thoughts in the new year

So, it seems I've been neglecting my blog a bit lately. It's been a crazy few weeks: term papers, graduation, moving out of my apartment, loads of cleaning, and the whole holiday shebang. My Internet access has been somewhat spotty; my time for reading comics has been even spottier.

It's a shame, too: I'd been reading quite a lot of comics before moving. Since then, all I've read is the first Phonogram trade. I'd share my thoughts on it, but I don't know that I have any. I felt most of the time like I was just beyond the horizon of understanding what was going on. Maybe if I knew a little more about the music involved or the whole 80s-90s British goth scene, I would have had an easier time of it. As it is, I didn't like it, and I have a feeling that once I read the appendix of references and re-read the story, I'll have a much better time of it. Anyway, I picked up the trade so I'd have some background for the new series, which I have high hopes for.

I read the first Spider-Man: Brand New Day trade, and it was all right. There was nothing particularly amazing about it, and while I really tried, I couldn't bring myself to buy the second trade. I liked the Mark Waid issues, though.

I finally read through several years worth of Transformers miniseries from IDW, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care for Simon Furman's writing. It's great in short bits, especially short bits where it can be really violent and set somewhat west of main continuity, but for the main title he's a poor fit. None of the characters have distinctive voices at all, in part because of the rampant Furmanisms. I haven't gotten around to the newest series or "Stormbringer," both of which I hear good things about, but I'm really left pining for the Dreamwave series, which was fantastic (at least, after the terrible first volume).

I'm avoiding Dark Reign. At some point, I should probably talk about my fantastic disappointment about Secret Invasion.

I don't have any ideas yet for the 30-Second Recap Contest this year. I'd like to come up with something, but it looks like I may be sitting this one out or coming up with it late. I don't feel too bad about that; I wouldn't want to win two years in a row (and I wouldn't imagine it to be possible). Now that I think about it, though, it'd be fun to see Maximum Carnage in crayon form...

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Wow, it's been awhile since I last posted. I apologize; I've been pretty gosh-darn busy, and consequently I've had almost no time whatsoever to read comics or do the other various geektastic things that I tend to talk about on this blog. Things have freed up somewhat now, leaving me a little more time to do the nerdy things I enjoy so much.

And one such nerdy thing, which has also eaten up a bit of my comic reading/blogging time, is playing video games. I recently managed to acquire an XBox 360, which means that for the first time since the Sega Saturn, I own a current-generation system.

My first purchases for this new and wonderous white rectangle of joy, as you might have guessed, were Marvel: Ultimate Alliance and The Incredible Hulk, since I already knew I loved the former, and since the latter looked like it might be picking up from the spirit of Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, which is a fantastic game. I'm a little disappointed with how that turned out, but that feeling may or may not be balanced out by eventually getting to play as Hulkbuster Iron Man.

Apparently not contented with those and the half-dozen other assorted XBox games I've managed to pick up on the cheap, I went out and rented Spider-Man: Web of Shadows. You might recall that I'm a pretty big fan of the Ultimate Spider-Man game, which in my experience has had the best combination of mechanics, writing, and voice acting of any of the Spider-Man video games to date. I never got around to playing Spider-Man 3, and while I was impressed by the inclusion of the Prowler, I didn't give Spider-Man: Friend or Foe more than a single rental. I'd heard a lot of hope and hype about Web of Shadows, so I was excited to try it out and see if it'd be a worthy successor to USM.

First, the good: the game is gorgeous. New York City is huge and feels very realistic; the animation is fluid, and the character designs (with one notable exception so far) are spot-on. The action sequences are fast-paced, the combat is fluid, and the web-swinging mechanics are just about perfect (largely because they're just about the same as in USM). The storyline so far is fantastic; there's the obligatory in media res part at the beginning, and then a good, slow build-up to the main plot, with some of the usual side-quest stuff, involving the street gangs and the Kingpin. One thing I really like is that most of Spider-Man's powers work in boos battles about as well as they do in regular combat, which is a nice change of pace, since usually bosses seem to be immune to webs and various other special moves. The option to switch between the classic and black costumes, and the different powers that go with each, is fantastic. The moral system accompanying the costumes also works well with the plot and Spider-Man's character in general. The game feels very open; the only time I've encountered any problems was when I tried to go across one of the bridges while exploring early on, and hit up against an invisible wall. I haven't yet gone to see if there are other bridges in the city, but it seems to me like a Spider-Man game ought to contain a traversable bridge. It really doesn't matter which one--George Washington, Brooklyn, Queensboro--I can't tell the difference, and apparently neither could Stan Lee when Gwen Stacy was thrown off two of the three.

Now for the bad. The first thing I noticed that raised my hackles was the flash effects. Pretty much every time Spider-Man throws a punch, his hand creates little trails of light, which get bigger and brighter and more explosive as the combos increase. Last I checked, Spider-Man had not plunged his fists into Shou-Lao the Undying, and thus should not be demonstrating the iron fist--let alone the iron knee, and every other iron body part he happens to use in the game. For a game with such realistic-looking characters and landscapes, these cartoony effects really hurt the sense of immersion. I don't think I'd have noticed if they were more understated--speed lines, a flash when hits connect--or if they were limited to special moves, but it's every gosh-darn punch.

The next thing I noticed was the voice acting. Actually, that's not fair--so far, most of the voice acting is very good. Wolverine is spot-on, Venom and Black Cat were great, and even the stock phrases sound fine. Luke Cage is good, though I think my opinion is tainted by the fact that he doesn't sound like the version in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, and thus sounds a little off. No, the biggest problem with voices is Spider-Man himself, and to a lesser extent, Mary Jane. Spidey does pretty well with the humor, but otherwise he's way too whiny and high-pitched, which makes listening to him more than a little annoying. In fact, the same complaints could be levied at MJ as well, but you don't actually hear much from her, except over Peter's "hands-free cell phone." This may, again, be because I'm spoiled by previous games--Ultimate Spider-Man had pitch-perfect voice acting pretty much the whole game, so it's a little jarring to hear bad choices now.

The game is occasionally glitchy. I haven't experienced any of the freezing and restarting that the Newsarama review mentions, but early on I had to fight one enemy who was stuck below the street. Later, a cutscene played toward the end of a battle, and one of the remaining enemies turned invisible thereafter. That wouldn't have been too problematic, except that the game's targeting system stayed inexorably locked onto him until he was beaten.

That targeting system is the biggest gameplay flaw. Well, the targeting system and the camera, which are related flaws. First, targeting has a tendency to never quite lock on when you want it to. Sometimes it'll decide that what you mean to be aiming at is not the symbiote creature who is gnawing on your face, but the Kingpin squad trooper minding his own business eight blocks away. Sometimes you can change which enemy you're targeting by moving the right analog stick--something rather difficult while you're already trying to juggle your left stick, buttons, and triggers in the midst of a heated battle--and usually that results in switching to an enemy nine blocks away.

The camera, ostensibly, moves to center whichever enemy you've targeted. Sometimes it does this well; other times, it locks onto Moon Knight halfway across the city and outright refuses to be swayed in any other direction. Part of this is because the right analog stick is used to control both the camera angle and which enemy (or ally) is being targeted at any given time, and it's never the one you want when you want it to be. Not being able to see who or what I'm web-shooting at has been the single most frustrating problem of this game so far.

Especially when that problem interferes with the game's moral system. See, the moral system operates on "Red Points" (good deeds) and "Black Points" (evil deeds), which you're awarded...well, pretty much randomly, I think. As far as I can tell (since there was no manual with the rental copy) there's no way to see how many points you have in either column, even though presumably the points determine which allies you can call and what direction the plot goes in. As long as Luke Cage and Wolverine are still coming when I call, I guess I have to assume I'm still on the side of the angels. Sometimes it's easy to tell when you're doing the morally right thing--after big cutscenes, the game usually makes you explicitly choose between Red and Black, which dictates your next action and presumably results in you receiving oodles of points one way or another. When you save civilians, you get red points. When you fail to save civilians, you get black points. I really like that aspect; it seems to me to fit Spider-Man's personality to a T. There are few other heroes with moral compasses so finely tuned that they'd beat themselves up over civilians they failed to save while in pitched battle with the forces of villainy, so that much is spot-on.

After that, though, it gets a little muddy. Sometimes collateral damage gets black points, sometimes it doesn't. After awhile, there's no apparent Red Points reward for saving civilians. During the fight with Wolverine and a bunch of symbiotes, red and black points seemed to be awarded more or less randomly. There's no color point reward whatsoever for stopping crimes or other criminal activities, as far as I can see, even after the police decide Spider-Man's a menace and shoot at him as readily as the bad guys.

Ultimately, it seems that the game seems to really, really want you to show off that black suit and play as a bad guy. Only the black suit has the power to detect symbiotes-in-disguise; only the black suit gives you the power to throw cars, which the game tells you to do so that you can stun and defeat the giant mecha enemies, even though throwing a car nets you two Black Points. No Red Points are awarded, so far as I can tell, by beating the mecha with fists and webs alone. And most obnoxiously, you'll occasionally be in a battle, with the glitchy and unresponsive targeting and camera system, when you'll get a flash of blue spider-sense around your head (good luck noticing it with all the other colorful flashes in the battle), and you might notice a tiny note at the bottom of the screen about there being a civilian in danger. Once in awhile, it'll tell you more explicitly to use the Left Trigger to target the civilian and the Y or B button "while near them" to rescue them. Fail to do this, and you'll get a very clear notice that you earned 10 Black Points. Do this, and I'll hail you as the god of button-mashing, because I've only ever been able to do it through sheer dumb luck. See, things slow down a little when the civilian's car explodes, launching them into the air, but Spider-Man slows down too. Which makes it darn near impossible to right the camera, lock onto the civilian, jump up to them, and press the right button while near them in midair. And that's assuming that hitting Left Trigger actually locks onto the civilian, and not whatever the nearest bad guy you're fighting is. I realize that the evil path is supposed to be easier, but the good path shouldn't be impossible, especially not in a game centered around a superhero, and especially not just because the targeting and camera mechanics are crap. As long as your Red Points (which you ought to be able to monitor) are in the lead, targeting and camera should automatically lock onto civilians in danger, and spider-sense shouldn't slow down Spider-Man. That's the whole point of spider-sense.

On more minor notes, this game seems less diligent than previous installments in making sure that your webs are actually sticking to something as you swing around the city. After a few instances of wondering what I'd hooked onto, I've looked up to see, in fact, that Spider-Man has managed to web the sky. Perhaps in addition to acquiring the iron fist, Peter also managed to get the Power Cosmic (he presumably took over for Golden Oldie). It's a small thing, sure, but it's another contribution the game makes to killing the immersion. Besides that, there's the matter of the black suit itself. I know my "Maximum Carnage" better than most, and consequently I know that symbiotes--or at least, the Venom/black costume symbiote--are weakened and hurt by sonics, heat, microwaves, and electricity. Consequently, I find it odd that a symbiote would be able to take over Electro. Besides that, I was a little annoyed when I managed to find an in-game church tower, with a giant bell, that rings if you hit it, that did absolutely nothing to my symbiotic costume. The game was clearly made by comic geeks with a real attention to detail--the billboards advertising careers in A.I.M. and S.H.I.E.L.D. are a testament to that--so failing to include one of the most iconic scenes in the black costume's history seems like a glaring omission.

I'm sure I've missed some things, but after a review that long with a reference to Aunt May's stint as a Herald of Galactus, I feel like I've reached a good stopping point. Bottom line: I'm planning on buying the game, but I won't drop $60 on it. A good story with some great moments and decent mechanics makes Spider-Man: Web of Shadows at least worth a rental.

Marvelously Unsolicited Opinions

A day late and several dollars short, here's my take on the Marvel Comics for September.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #570
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by JOHN ROMITA JR.
Monkey Variant by MIKE MCKONE
NEW WAYS TO DIE
It's the Spider-Fight of the century: SPIDER-MAN versus VENOM versus ANTI-VENOM! Who will be the last web-slinger standing? The guy with radioactive spider-blood? The man with the original symbiote? Or...hold on...just who or what is Anti-Venom anyway?! Also: a regular Spidey cast member falls prey to Menace! And Aunt May sees a suspiciously secret side of the F.E.A.S.T. center...
32 PGS./Rated A ...$2.99

Um...isn't the Anti-Venom just Spider-Man? Since Venom is the anti-Spider-Man? Seems like this ends up like Zibarro, the Bizarro Bizarro, where he's basically Superman (though strangely minus powers, apparently).

VENOM: DARK ORIGIN #2 (of 5)
Written by Zeb Wells
Pencils & Cover by Angel Medina
When a man claiming to be the Sin-Eater -- the serial killer tormenting Spider-Man and all New York City -- contacts the young Eddie Brock at the Daily Globe, Eddie takes his shot at career-making news. Who cares if the story’s full of holes? Watch the corruption that poisons Eddie’s soul until it’s as black as a certain alien symbiote...and witness the creation of one of Spider-Man’s great foes! By writer Zeb Wells (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) and artist Angel Medina (SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN)!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

A Venom origin miniseries? One, why is this necessary? After all, his origin has already been told and is available in TPB form. Two, why is this coming out now, as opposed to during the lead-up to "Spider-Man 3"?

BIG HERO 6 #1 (of 6)
Written by CHRIS CLAREMONT
Pencils, Cover & Variant Cover by DAVID NAKAYAMA
The astonishing return of Big Hero Six! Who, you ask? Why none other than Japan’s top heroes, defending the land of the rising sun in the name of the Emperor! Come join Hiro (the smartest boy in Japan), Baymax (his trusty robot companion), Honey Lemon (with her all-containing handbag), Gogo Tomago (somersaulting into an unstoppable energy ball)... plus, who are the Six’s two new members? When unknown super-villains strike Tokyo, BH6 is on the scene, and the stage is set for new adventure and a new series!
48 PGS./Rated A ...$3.99

Awww, Chris Claremont's trying to be Grant Morrison. It's almost cute.

CIVIL WAR: HOUSE OF M #1 (of 5)
Written by CHRISTOS GAGE
Penciled by ANDREA DI VITO
Cover by MIKE PERKINS
The biggest House of M story is finally revealed: how did Magneto take over the world? He began life as a penniless refugee, but rose to conquer the entire planet...and now Christos Gage (Thunderbolts, House of M: Avengers) and Andrea Di Vito (Annihilation) show you how the Master of Magnetism did it! Witness Magneto's first battle with the Sentinels...the tragic end of his marriage...and his fight against Apocalypse for leadership of all mutants! The secret history of the
House of M unfolds here!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

A "House of M" tie-in, three years and three universe-wide events after "House of M." I think this comic may have missed the boat a little. Unless there are actually people nostalgic about "House of M" at this point.

And there, I think I just threw up a little.

MARVEL APES #1 & 2 (of 4)
Written by KARL KESEL
Pencils by RAMON BACHS
Cover by JOHN WATSON
Variant Cover For Marvel Apes #1 by RAMON BACHS
Variant Cover For Marvel Apes #2 by PHIL JIMENEZ
Flingin' feces, True Believer-- the entire Marvel Universe has gone APE!
Just when he thinks life can't get any worse or weirder, Marty Blank – a.k.a. that lovable loser, the Gibbon -- finds himself and the brilliant-and-beautiful Dr. Fiona Fitzhugh transported to a world where monkeys rule and humans don't exist!
SEE the spectacular simian city of Monkhattan!
MEET the hominoid heroes and villains – SPIDER-MONKEY! DOC OOK! IRON MANDRILL! SIMIAN TORCH! THE APE-VENGERS! And more!
THRILL to the return of Speedball!
CONTAINS No-Ads, as we are thrilled to present you backup tales exploring the Apeiverse!
LEARN the dark secret of the primate planet!
WORRY that the fate of the entire universe is in the hands of the Gibbon!
Not a hoax, not a dream, not an imaginary story - just the most not-to-be-missed mini-series of the season! If you only buy one (well, two) comics this month about super-powered, intelligent apes-in-capes, it must be MARVEL APES!
40 PGS.(each)/ Rated T+ ...$3.99 (each)

Just so you don't think I'm being totally negative, I'm psyched about "Marvel Apes." Honest and true, if only because it features the Gibbon, who rocks. I just hope this goes more the way of "Marvel Monsters" than "Marvel Zombies;" I'd hate to see this run into the ground and pummeled into pulp.

Note to self: buy "JLApe" at convention.

SECRET INVASION #6 (of 8)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by GABRIELE DELL’OTTO
Variant Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Sketch Variant Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
EMBRACE CHANGE! With these words, the Skrulls have made their intentions clear but not everyone thinks they sound all that bad. Which heroes and icons are hell-bent on defending the Earth from the invasion, and who thinks a new era has dawned for mankind? The final double-page spread of this issue will send chills down your spine, and that is a promise!!
The blockbuster event of the year heads towards its shattering conclusion by Bendis and Yu.
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Rated T+ ...$3.99

"Secret Invasion" didn't really grab me until the third issue, but now I'm in it for the long haul. I'm curious what the Skrulls are offering that the world might consider...peaceful coexistence? This might end up being the shades-of-gray story that "Civil War" desperately wanted to be.

SECRET INVASION: THOR #2 (of 3)
Written by MATT FRACTION
Pencils and Cover by DOUG BRAITHWAITE
The Secret Invasion hits Asgard...and Broxton, Oklahoma, isn't spared! As the Skrulls arrive and begin their massive assault on the Norse gods, Dr. Donald Blake has his hands full in a middle-school basement delivering a baby. Can Balder the Brave and Beta Ray Bill marshal Asgard's forces long enough, and fight back hard enough, to hold the line until the God of Thunder joins them? And can anybody survive the Skrull's secret weapon...?
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

I'm torn...I don't really want to get in the habit of buying "Secret Invasion" tie-in miniseries (after all, I have seven issues of "Civil War: Frontline" taking up valuable space on my kindling pile), but this boasts an appearance by Beta Ray Bill, fighting a legion of Skrulls in Asgard. If Volstagg were in the blurb, there's no way I'd be able to resist.

RUNAWAYS #2
Written by TERRY MOORE
Pencils & Cover by HUMBERTO RAMOS
The kids are back in town, and LA will never be the same. They’ve set up new digs in Malibu, but will they be able to keep it from being destroyed the first day? The remains of Runaway Karolina’s alien race has come to Earth to get revenge for the millions who died on their homeworld. And they’re pointing their fingers at Karolina and Xavin. All this from comic legend Terry Moore (Strangers in Paradise, Echo) and superstar Humberto Ramos (X-MEN, SPIDER-MAN)!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

I'm not sure about the new "Runaways" series. The book hasn't been on time the same since Vaughan left, and while it's been late decent, it doesn't really feel like I can remember what's going on from issue to issue due to the incredible lag it's going anywhere. With what unpleasant things unpleasant things I've heard about Terry Moore recently, it seems like this might be a good time to drop the title.

And what is it with giving all the teen-friendly titles (this, "Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane") to Moore? There are other writers. I wouldn't mind seeing a Fred Van Lente "Runaways" myself.

SQUADRON SUPREME #3
Written by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Penciled by MARCO TURINI
Cover by GREG LAND
Monkey Variant by Paulo Siqueira
“POWER TO THE PEOPLE”
Meet Arachnophilia—she’s the kind of girl who always hoped the neighbors would describe her as “a quiet girl, who kept to herself”...right after she took out her homeroom with an automatic rifle. But now that this teenage outcast has found herself endowed with spider-like powers...life might just be looking up. Elsewhere, Ultimate Nick Fury learns why four astronauts returned to Earth transformed into something eerily familiar...and utterly fantastic. Meanwhile—Nighthawk takes this opportunity to make his dramatic return!
Part 3 (of 6)
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99

Wait, so now "Squadron Supreme" is a parody of the Marvel Universe? When did that happen? Better yet, why?

X-MEN: RETURN OF MAGIK
Written by C.B. CEBULSKI & CHRISTOPHER YOST
Penciled by DAVID AJA, NIKO HENRICHON & DAVID YARDIN
Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
At long last, Magik is returning to the Marvel Universe! But in what form will she return, and to whom will she owe her allegiance? In a touching tale of death and acceptance originally presented in X-MEN UNLIMITED #13, the X-Man Colossus continues to mourn the loss of his beloved sister, the telepathic mutant mystic known as Magik. Meanwhile, in a story from NEW X-MEN #37, Magik’s origin is explored — and her former master, the demon-lord Belasco returns! Fighting his way through hostile terrain and vicious demon hordes, Belasco will stop at nothing to wrest control of Limbo. But the evil sorceress standing in his way bears a striking resemblance to his former protégé. And finally, from X-MEN: DIVIDED WE STAND #2, Magik has indeed returned — but she’s trapped in Limbo, a slave to Belasco! Illyana yearns for her freedom and family, but she must find the lost pieces of her soul, the bloodstones, if she is to escape and defeat Belasco once and for all!
40 PGS./Must Have One-Shot/Rated T+ ...$3.99

I put it to you, True Believers: which character's return do you care less about, Magik or Archangel?

For me, it's gotta be Archangel, especially given the years they've spent trying to make Warren less of an angry cyborg Smurf.

That's it for solicits; what are your thoughts?

Trade-Off

So, I hear that the new Spider-Man issue kills the marriage. I also hear that it brings back the mechanical web-shooters. You know, I hated "The Other," I hated the organic web-shooters from "Disassembled," but I think the marriage is a pretty high price to pay for undoing all that. It seems like undoing one bad idea with a worse idea doesn't equal out to a good idea.

Hey, wait a minute...no organic web-shooters, no marriage, no Aunt May knowing the secret--did they just completely erase the Straczynski run? And then some? I see the Morrison X-Men Protocol is still in effect.

Hibernating

Someone wake me up when Spider-Man stops sucking. Okay? Thanks.

Deals with Mephisto? Really?

Mike Wieringo: 1963-2007

Well, that was some unpleasant news to come home to. Mike Wieringo passed away on Sunday, due apparently to a heart attack.

I really don't know what to say. There's no way I could eulogize Mr. Wieringo as beautifully as his friends have. I've never had the pleasure of meeting the man, never got to get his autograph or commission a sketch. I've just enjoyed his work for years.

And that's it: I've never not enjoyed Mike Wieringo's art. His run on Adventures of Superman was clean and polished, even if the scripts weren't. His work on Fantastic Four was nothing short of amazing. And his work with Spider-Man?

In the history of Spider-Man comics, there are three artists who, in my opinion, have been truly perfect for the character. There's John Romita Sr., the first artist to succeed Steve Ditko on Amazing, whose pencils defined Spider-Man for more than a generation. He gave us the iconic "Face it, Tiger" panel, designed MJ and Gwen Stacy, and it was his work which graced the majority of merchandise well into my childhood. There's Mark Bagley, who has all but supplanted Romita on the licensed goods, and who has managed to give two lengthy and beautiful runs on the character, defining Spider-Man for the '90s and for the '00s.

And then there's Mike Wieringo, whose clean, whimsical style was tailor-made for the wall-crawler. He made drawing Spider-Man look easy. He gave Spidey a sense of grace and fun that I have yet to see duplicated.

I consider myself so very, very lucky that the last of his work published before his death combines two of his greatest strengths--Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four--into a thoroughly enjoyable and beautifully-rendered story. I just wish we'd been luckier, and that this miniseries would have been just one link in a long chain of amazing artwork. The fact that I'll never see another cover signed "'Ringo" makes me very, very sad.

Goodbye, Mr. Wieringo, and thanks for everything.

Web problems

So over the course of the past several days, my Internet service has been discontinued once, repaired, and essentially demolished. My room connects with a sickly signal about once an hour for three or four minutes, just long enough to give me hope that it's back on. So, I'm afraid it may be a few days before I have any more posts of substance.

In the meantime: does Spider-Man's organic webbing ever run out? Does it have the exact same properties as the webbing he developed years ago? Does it still dissolve after an hour and whatnot? I'm not warming up to the idea, mind you. I still find it stupid as all hell, I'm just curious how they've explained it.

Does whatever a sequel can...

So, Spider-Man 3. Yeah, I know this is late (given that I saw it in the opening weekend).

I liked it. The special effects get better with each film, and Kirsten Dunst actually seemed like she wasn't annoyed just to be there in this movie. She was actually acting, which was a nice change of pace. I'm one of those people who tends to like Tobey Maguire as Peter, so I thought he was as good as he has been. James Franco turned in a nice performance, up until he thought "amnesia" meant "turn into Goofy."

Oh, it had its problems. In fact, it had a lot of the same problems as X-Men 3, namely trying to cram too much movie into too little space. I could understand the logic that went into it: a movie that had just New Goblin or just Venom or just Sandman wouldn't have really held up (okay, maybe a just-Venom one would). But all three turned out to be way, way too much. The whole film felt rushed, especially the big fight scene in the end. There weren't really any chances for the story to breathe.

The biggest casualty of the "rushed" story, though, is in the villains. One of the main things that made Spider-Man 2 such a great film, and the best of the three so far (and the best of all the films Marvel has released so far) was the characterization of Doctor Octopus. We got to know Otto as a person, we got to watch his ambition and his unfortunate descent. He got a fill character arc--rise, fall, and redemption--in that one film. We felt for Otto Octavius, we identified with him.

Not so with the villains of Spider-Man 3. Sandman's story was cliché on top of cliché in rapid fire. I mean, having the Tiny Tim daughter with the anonymous disease was bad enough, but for him to actually go and say "I'm not a bad guy; I just had bad luck" was...well, what do you have to say about that, Robot Devil?
That will not be the last time I use that clip on this blog, I guarantee. Anyway, rather than letting us spend some time with Flint Marko, letting us see him as a person (as we did with Doc Ock), the movie just took every available shortcut to sympathy. It felt artificial and unnecessarily rushed, which really hurt what could have been a very interesting character.
Then, there's Eddie Brock, with whom we're kind of supposed to sympathize after Peter goes all emo and steals his girlfriend, but throughout the whole thing, Eddie is a complete douchebag. It's hard to empathize with someone who has such a high and obnoxious opinion of himself. 4thletter had a list of scenes that were in the novelization but didn't make it into the movie, and I kind of wish they'd left in the ones where it's implied that Eddie Brock is stalking Gwen, and that he's basically constructed their relationship out of nothing. It would have added a creepiness and a delusion to Eddie's character that would have nicely replaced empathy, and would have added to his intimidation factor later on. We would have seen that Eddie is the center of his own world, so everyone either revolves around him or is out to get him.

Harry's story arc wrapped up nicely, although I'm not entirely sure what purpose the amnesia served. He could have just developed his father's brand of schizophrenia, where Norman doesn't always remember what the Goblin did. I did end up liking the New Goblin costume, especially compared to its predecessor.

But like I said, the whole movie suffered from compression, and that was a result, I imagine, of the primary actors and their continued inability to decide whether or not they're going to stick with the franchise. Picture, if you will, a world in which Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franco are all contractually bound to do a fourth film. This means that the third film can take its time, give Sandman and Gwen Stacy and Eddie Brock the development they deserve, and maybe avoid the soap opera amnesia cliché with Harry (replaced with the Goblin schizophrenia, at least).

So the movie proceeds more or less as we saw, though with a little more attention to the new characters and the supporting cast. We approach the end: MJ and Peter have broken up, and MJ is singing a melancholy song at her Jazz club. With her singing as the background music, we scroll-fade to see the Sandman pulling himself out of the muck and mud outside the sewer grate. We continue toward Harry Osborn, sitting contemplatively with a glass of brandy, when he suddenly hears his father's voice exhorting him to kill his friends. He suddenly remembers all that has happened, and we pan away from his wickedly grinning face (or something). Then we see Peter, up in the bell tower, screaming as he tears the symbiote away from his skin. We pan down in the chapel to see Eddie Brock, staring up. "Parker" he hisses, and the first drop of the symbiote falls onto his shoulder. Fade to black.

"Spider-Man 3" could have ended on an awesome cliffhanger, in which all the villains are in the right positions and Peter's at the end of his rope. Then, #4 could have done justice to the three-villain plot and Harry's redemption, rather than being crammed into the last 25 minutes of this film. Would that not have been awesome?

I hold out hope for the fourth film, and I don't doubt that we'll see Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst again. I just hope they take a more leisurely spin on the next one, and remember that they don't need to top the previous films in terms of plot threads and number of new characters. While X-Men III collapsed under the weight of its many plotlines, Spider-Man 3 only buckled and bent, and I think that's got a lot to do with Sam Raimi's direction and love of the franchise. He's a strong, talented director, in ways that Brett Ratner simply isn't.

My ideal plot for the next movie would bring Venom back (I didn't see a body, did you? Ashes don't count) and would introduce the Lizard (which I've been waiting for since #2), as well as setting up some kind of behind-the-scenes new villain. I'd say it should be the Master Planner, and it'd sure be a kick in the pants for Doc Ock to show up, alive and well, but I think the Chameleon or Kraven the Hunter might be a better choice. If they introduced two villains in #4 (including the behind-the-scenes manipulator) and did maybe the Vulture and Electro in #5, we'd be well on our way to "Spider-Man: Sinister Six," and that would make my heart explode with geek-love.

Dirty Laundry

Other people have discussed in great detail the things that are wrong with this statue. There's the problem with MJ's terribly stretched-out anatomy; there's the fact that she's barefoot and doing the laundry; there's the fact that she's wearing low-rider jeans and the worst thong-wedgie I've ever seen; there's the fact that despite wearing her crappiest pair of ripped jeans to do the washin', she's also wearing a pearl necklace and a nice, low-cut shirt; there's the fact that even though the Adam Hughes image it's based on has the same backwards 1950s attitude toward women, at least it isn't as egregiously distorted; there's the fact that no one washes clothes in a bucket anymore; there's the fact that no one, even someone who actually washed their clothes in a bucket, would do it on such a short table that they had to bend over like that, as if begging for major back problems; there's the fact that "Comiquette" is just two letters shy of "coquette," which is just a little too apt.

Those are all valid things that are wrong with this stupid statue. Any one of them would be reason to be upset, reason to write long and angry rants, reason to rally together and write Marvel and Sideshow Collectibles (and DC, just for good measure) for change.

But for me, my immediate first thought when I saw it, the thing which stuck out most as horrendously wrong, was that Peter Parker does his own damn laundry.

I mean, I guess MJ might do it once in awhile, but I've always gotten the feeling that Pete's the more domestic of the two. And either way, neither of them is going to be filling buckets with warm water and Tide in order to wash the Venom-spit out of the ol' red-and-blues, least of all Mary Jane. I think Peter would feel obligated to do his own laundry, that he'd feel guilty if Mary Jane had to do it for him. You know, with great odor comes great responsibility, that sort of thing.

I honestly have no idea who would pay money for this statue; you'd think the people who would be so desperate as to have a burning desire for it are the same ones who would be upset by a glaring continuity error like that.

There is one thing that would make this a little better: if Marvel and Sideshow teamed up to do a statuette with accomplished seamstress Peter Parker, dressed in some tighty-whiteys, sewing up all the rips in MJ's jeans.

And to be completely honest, I'd be far more likely to buy that, than the curvaceous cheesecake monstrosity above.