Love and Light

Years ago, when I was choosing a name for my business, I was drawn to the alliteration of "The Sunshine Space" and the catchy association my name had to that title. It felt right. I was aiming to create joyful, playful home decor pieces and the word "sunshine" seemed to fit my vibe. I kept the name when I started screen-printing because my goal with clothing design was the same as my aim with decor design: make stuff that's uplifting & "feel-goody." I re-branded this blog with the intention of creating a s u n s h i n e space on the internet-  a bright site with beautiful pictures, happy moments, inspiring DIY and craft projects, and messages orienting readers to the Ultimate Source of light, our Savior. 

. . . But it fizzled. For the past few years, I've carried a certain level of guilt regarding my "business" and my "blog." My brain rattled with all kinds of thoughts in connection to The Sunshine Space. 

What's the point? I haven't been actively engaged in building my brand, sharing my message, or creating anything for months and months on end. It's too hard. Too time-consuming. Too stressful. Too much. I don't feel like the reward in the creation process outweighs the stress of making perfect items to sell. There is no joy in this. I don't know what to say on the blog. I haven't been taking enough pictures. I don't know how to brand my items. How should my shop be connected to my blog? Does it make sense to do it all under the umbrella of "The Sunshine Space"? I don't like the style of the shirts I ordered. Dang it. I've made so many mistakes. I should cut my losses, sell my equipment, stop. But what about the parts I do love? Designing, drawing, composing. Sharing messages of hope. Creating good and beautiful things- physical items, words and sentences, feelings. Why did I have such a pull towards "The Sunshine Space" in the first place? How can I add light to the world? What is my purpose? What fuels me? What's the point?

And on and on. Then, one day earlier this year, I was sitting in a downstairs room of my basement- the room I go to ponder, to read, to make things, to display my scrapbooks, to journal- and a thought came. "This is The Sunshine Space," uttered the Spirit. This? This room? The window of the room faces the south side of my home and is an awesome source of light. There are no window treatments on that particular window, so the sunlight just spills in. It is a sunshine space. But The Sunshine Space? What does that mean? And all of a sudden, peace and understanding split open across my heart.

It was time to register Tenley for kindergarten and I just hadn't been able to bring myself to do it. I'd been considering the possibility of homeschooling. Starting to pray about whether that could be a viable option for my children, for me. Intimidated by the thought of it, but intrigued. Almost too timid to openly discuss it, to say the words aloud. Unaware of all the options, but open-minded. Interested. Searching. "This is The Sunshine Space," again.

Oh! A place of love and light. This is The Sunshine Space, the school. The haven for learning, the safe space I want to cultivate for my children.  A place to develop creativity, gratitude, critical thinking, curiosity, a love of learning, optimism, perseverance, kindness. A place to seek further light and knowledge. A place for sharing, loving, and learning. Together. The Sunshine Space. 

And that is how I came to feel such a renewed zeal for building The Sunshine Space. All these years of working and creating and seeking meaning and planning. . . they were preparing me for the path I can see unfolding before me now: homeschooling. I want to create channels of love and light- of hope, joy, testimony. I want to share goodness, to make beautiful things, to find understanding. But the place I start is home. The most essential sphere of influence I have is with my children. I can start here. I can do this.

I am excited (and terrified!) to share my homeschool journey here and I hope to support and encourage other Mommas on the way.

Love and light,
Summer

Do what you know

This blog has sat dormant for more months than I'd like to admit. There are multiple reasons, I suspect. Having young children. Buying my first home. Accepting a job promotion. Running a (very) small business. My husband applying for graduate programs and eventually deciding to start nursing school. But probably the biggest reason, I'd say, is because I've been depressed.

 

It's weird for me to type that. It's weird for me to experience it, really. I've had an optimistic, cheerful outlook for most of my life. I've been an advocate for happiness. For sunshine. For positivity and joy. To feel the darkness of reality creeping in and settling in my heart has been and continues to be disturbing for me. I don't have full-blown Major Depressive Disorder, as far as I can self-diagnose from studying the DSM-5. But I do have some marked symptoms: feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, unexplained tearfulness, diminished interest in activities that used to bring fulfillment (ie. blogging, scrapbooking, journaling), restlessness at bedtime, energy loss, and excessive, irrational guilt. I am anxious a lot about things I have no control over. It is difficult and I've been putting off addressing it because the idea of addressing it makes me even more anxious. But, then. . . I went skiing.

It's a Jolly Holiday!

A few weeks ago, we rented Mary Poppins from the library and watched it together as a family (holy long movie!) During the "jolly holiday" scene, JD got up and started dancing like Bert and Tenley and I giggled at his silly moves. It was such a fun moment!! That night I decided we HAD to be Mary Poppins and Bert for Halloween. Our kids would be such cute little penguins! Thus began the search for costumes... 

Life right now

We took a spontaneous trip to California last weekend to visit friends. Two days of driving + three days of vacation. Grateful for a husband who encourages me to move a little outside my comfort zone. I'm not sure I would've chosen to road-trip at 34 weeks pregnant, but the sunshine and ocean were good for me. One day, JD dug a deep hole in the sand for my belly and I was able to nap on my stomach (oh, what a luxury!).

Life right now:

JD // Just finished his Organic Chemistry class. Pulled off a C+ (he needed at least a C).  So thankful it's over! Teaching tennis lessons two days/week. Loving the change of pace of working on a new floor at the hospital. Preparing to submit PA school applications (third time's the charm, right?!) Reminding Summer to take pre-natal vitamins and rub Bio-Oil on her belly. Cleaning all the screens for The Sunshine Space. Doing most of the kitchen chores (dishes, sweeping, mopping).

Summer// Trying to figure out how to manage t-shirt orders and inventory for the shop. Complaining about back pain on a regular basis. Making to-do lists for the next month before baby #2 arrives. Stressing about not being at brother's wedding in August. Preparing Sunday lesson to teach to women's group at church. Folding laundry. Trying to manage normal work schedule with an oversized, tired body. Feeling bittersweet about Tenley growing up.

Talks with Ten

Tenley is so expressive with her words lately and we are constantly surprised and entertained by the thoughts she shares. Here's a few snippets of our talks with Ten.

(Snuggling in my bed shortly after I returned from work one day last week).

T: Mmm... it smells like you.

Me: Oh, really? What do I smell like?

T: Um, I think kind of like a girl.

Zoo date

Tenley loves her Aunt and Uncle, "Tyler and Kella." JD and Tenley went on a double date with them to the zoo a few weeks ago (I was working). I'm so glad they got this special time together because I got these darling pictures. Seriously? So adorable. 

We are so lucky to live close to all of JD's siblings. I love that we can plan last-minute spontaneous get-togethers and pull them off with relative ease!

Party of Four

It's been a long, exhausting journey to get to this exciting announcement: our family is growing! After a year and a half of trying to get pregnant and eventually some infertility treatment, it finally happened. The fact that our little one is due on our anniversary (August 14) doesn't seem like a coincidence to me. It feels like a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven, a reminder that He knows us, loves us, and wants us to trust His timing over our own. 

So, let's celebrate! JD, Tenley, and I will soon be a party of four!

Right now.

I am so anxious for the next big thing. For another baby. For JD to get into PA school. For our first house. It's hard for me to stay grounded. To be here. To love the stage we're in RIGHT NOW. 

It's a work in progress, but I am grateful for today. Today, we have a dishwasher (a luxury I was dreaming of just a few months ago). Today, we both have jobs we really enjoy. Today, we don't have the stress of going to school. Today, we made a really yummy dinner (homemade bread+pasta+broccoli). Today, we played with our spunky two-year-old at a trampoline warehouse. Today, we live close to family and get to see them weekly. Today, we filled our fridge with groceries. Today, we prayed together and Tenley repeated the words. Today is good. 

Spudman

It's official: I am married to a triathlete! I can't believe JD can check "participating in a triathlon" off his bucket list. It just seems like such a hard, unattainable accomplishment. . . but, he rocked that thing like a champ and had a fun time with his cousins, brother, and uncles. Go, JD, go!!

Golden Birthday

I turned 25 on July 25th. For some inexplicable reason, 25 seems like a landmark age to me. It's kind of a big deal, I suppose. As a teenager, I remember thinking, hypothetically, "By the time I'm 25, x, y or z." You know, like I should be accomplished and have stuff to show for myself by now? Haha. . . I definitely DO think I've done some pretty neat things so far in my life and so I decided to throw myself a golden birthday party to celebrate the big day. JD was my right-hand man through it all. I sent out invitations, reserved a pavilion at a park, made gold frosted cupcakes, assembled gold centerpieces, and even bought & altered a gold-toed boot piñata. Talk about a party ;)

It was stressful to have the party outside when the weather forecast was expected to be gloomy. I was so anxious! However, everything went off without a hitch (thanks, in big part, to my family who was in town from Texas). Thank you to everyone who came to help me celebrate! To me, it was a magical evening of good conversation, good friends, and good food. All the makings of a good birthday.

First funnel cake

I love summer in Utah. When the sun sets, the air cools down and it's magic. Last month, we went to a local city festival with JD's parents and little brother. We mostly just wandered around the booths and people watched in anticipation of the fireworks. Then, out of nowhere, I smelled the intense aroma of funnel cake and my mind whisked me back to a good ol' Texas rodeo. I love me a good funnel cake! I mentioned how sweet and delicious the air smelled and how much I enjoy those tasty treats. . . and was surprised to find out no one in JD's family (including him) had ever tried one. Well, that was that: FIRST FUNNEL CAKE ALL AROUND. 

My sister is a Sister.

Today I dropped my sister off at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo, UT. She will be serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Las Vegas, NV area for the next 18 months (To learn more about what missionaries do, go here). During her service as a female missionary, she will be referred to as "Sister Robinson," rather than "Lindsey."  

Waterpark Wednesday

We took our first trip to Seven Peaks yesterday! It was only open for a few hours in the afternoon because it's not quite summer yet for the school-aged children. It was also a little overcast so that probably contributed to the smaller crowd as well. We hung out in the lazy river, jumped a few waves in the wave pool and even took Tenley in our laps down some of the bigger slides. It was wonderful to walk right up and get on! We thought Ten would be excited and playful, but she had a flat affect pretty much the whole time. She wasn't scared or unhappy; she was just calm and quiet. I wanted to get a few pictures before we went into the park, but Tenley wasn't in the mood. 

Haha, the picture on the left is such a "Tenley face." Whenever she doesn't want to do something or is reluctant to listen, she turns her head away in an almost bashful manner. It is too funny. I don't know where she learned this, but it is a predictable mannerism during teeth brushing, diaper changing, and car-seat buckling. 

Camping season

The weather is warming up and it's camping season again! I never knew I'd fall in love with camping quite the way I have. Perhaps, I should've seen it coming. . . an affection for the crisp mountain air runs in my blood. My dad is definitely a camping man. However, the Texas heat doesn't really lend itself to an enjoyable camping experience, so we didn't go much at all while I was growing up. Things have changed. JD's a pro at this camping business and makes it a point to go regularly with our little fam. We've camped in the snow, camped with friends, camped with family, camped with just the stuff off our backs, camped in our living room, and camped with a baby. Basically, I feel like I've done it all ;)  

We'll be camping again this weekend with JD's family. It's a fun tradition and I love spending time with them around the camp site. In anticipation of the upcoming trip, I uploaded a few scrapbook layouts from some of last year's camping adventures.

5 "Baby booty bump" Lessons

The last few weeks have been a little surreal. On Sunday April 27, I entered an Instagram dance-off for moms hosted by The Alison Show in hopes of winning a $250 gift card to The Land of Nod. I had two entries: (1) the original clip of me dancing and (2) an "outtake" clip of me dancing and knocking my daughter to the ground with my bum. The latter clip was hilariously accidental and just too funny not to share. On Monday April 28, I sheepishly posted it to Facebook knowing it would surely brighten a few peoples' days. The response was overwhelmingly positive and many people shared, liked, and laughed at the video. I posted it on YouTube that night and sent it to The Ellen Degeneres Show via her website. On Tuesday April 29, I woke up with 700 views on YouTube and thought: "That's crazy! So cool." By the time I went to bed, I had 14,890 hits and I thought: "How did that happen?!" In the first 24 hours, I was contacted by several agencies asking for the rights to the video, but I ended up partnering with Storyful. And, boy, am I glad I did! Over the next few days, SO MANY people e-mailed, called, and messaged me about use of the video and I just directed everyone to Storyful. It has been such a blessing to delegate all that stress and headache to them. By Thursday May 1, my "baby booty bump" video hit one million views and had been shared by countless news and radio stations across the country. It was all over the Internet and television: CNN, The Today Show, E! News, ESPN2, the iFunny app, AOL, Time. You name it: I was probably there. It was totally overwhelming and time-consuming to keep up with all the hype! On Wednesday May 7, I was in the audience of The Ellen Degeneres Show and had to pinch myself as I heard Ellen discuss the powerful "thrust to my daughter's face." On May 8, my little snippet aired on Ellen. As of today, May 13, the video has 2,350,583 views on YouTube. I still can't believe it.

I've learned a lot from having my video "go viral." Some things are personal and/or confidential, but here's what I want the world to know.

No more gummy grins (and giraffes!)

It freaks me out a little that Tenley is an active toddler, and not the teeny, snuggley baby I once knew. I practically feel like I'm meeting a whole new person every day! She has such a spirited personality and I'm impressed by the things I observe her doing all the time. She's learning a lot of skills that make her seem old to me: feeding herself with utensils, drinking out of cups, climbing up and down furniture and stairs, following my directions, babbling back and forth with me, figuring out the DVD player, hiding, and helping put her clothes on and take them off. However, one of the most obvious reminders to me that she's a big girl now is her toothy smile. Teeth! This girl has teeth! 

Big families

In the first few months after Tenley was born, I remember thinking to myself on multiple occasions, "I won't be able to do this when I have a toddler at my feet". . .and then, one day, panicking, I thought, "or when I have multiple children at my feet!" Gosh. Taking care of lots of little ones will definitely be a challenge!! Overwhelmed, I asked my mom: "How do you take care of a baby when you have to take care of your other kid(s)? Like, I feel like this is so hard and there's only one of her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to manage more children." And, wisely, she said,"You don't know what you're doing with one and you're figuring it out. You won't know what you're doing with two, but you'll figure it out." And I guess that's how mothering goes. . . you just kind of figure it out. 

I'm grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the ups and downs of figuring stuff out. I'm grateful for the exhausting, not-so-glamorous, patience-trying, faith-testing, down and dirty moments of motherhood (and life, for that matter). I'm grateful for the things I learn from being a mom, a daughter, a sister. When all of my siblings were home together with my parents for Christmas, I remembered so clearly why I want a big family, why I'll stick it out through those trying moments of "figuring it out." More children means more laughter. More perspectives. More insight. More helping hands. More smiles. More support. More connections. More memories. 

It was so good to be all together again after Jake's two-year mission trip. Oh, I just love them so!

^^Supporting Morgie at a basketball game.^^

^^Christmas Eve at the Alamo.^^

^^Christmas Sabbath in our red Sunday best.^^

^^Being silly in the jerseys Jake brought home from Argentina.^^

The hot-shot I was not.

When I was an eighth-grader, I received the devastating news that my family would be moving from the city I grew up in. Although heart-broken, I processed my feelings and decided I still wanted to try out for the freshman cheer squad at my new high school (as I'd been planning to at the high school I thought I'd attend). My mom and I traveled to the suburbs of Austin, TX for me to attend the clinic and try-outs. It was nerve-racking and exhilarating and scary to go through that process with a bunch of girls I had never met. I got up the gumption to introduce myself to a few people and practically invited myself to practice with them at one of their houses. I was confident going into try-outs and performed really well. I was so thrilled to see my name on the list when the new squad was posted. Everything was going to be okay! I had a few friends! My high school plans were not totally shot! 

Imagine my dismay when the plans changed and I found out we weren't going to end up near Austin after all. . . but in SAN ANTONIO. I was angry. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I was overwhelmed. Would I have to gather all the courage I had left in me and do cheer try-outs again? It was too daunting of a thought. To my great disappointment and utter relief, cheerleading try-outs at Reagan (my high school) had already passed by the time my family figured out where we were actually going to live. I spent my freshman year starring in the pep squad (a group of girls devoted mostly to preparing for drill and dance teams). I was so bitter and sad, but luckily I made friends and it didn't turn out as horribly as I imagined it would.

At the end of my freshman year, I finally had the opportunity to try out for cheerleading again. That year had felt so long. I was pleased and excited when I made the JV squad. I loved cheerleading. I loved learning new chants and cheers. I loved the excitement of football games. I loved motivating a crowd to get on their feet. I loved increasing school spirit. I loved jumping. I loved expressing enthusiasm with facial expressions. I loved the quick, sharp movements of the dances. I loved stunting. But I did not love tumbling (this loathing could have very well been, in part, because I wasn't good at it). I spent so much time trying to get my body to flip over backwards. So. much. time. But that back tuck never really came to me. Not to mention, after years of tumbling, I was still scared out of my mind to do a single back handspring. It was infuriating. . . and because of my sub-par tumbling skills, I always felt a little bit "less than" the rest of the girls on the squad. It was damaging to my self-esteem and, if I'm honest, to my self-worth at the time too. 

When I didn't make the cut at the end of my sophomore year, I was devastated, but not surprised. I knew I couldn't be competitive in the cheerleading world. It was a silver lining in that situation to have my best friend, Ashley, go through the same heartbreak. Together with our friends from pep squad, we tried out for the drill team. We both made it, which was a big reprieve, seeing as I don't know if we could've handled double rejection. Bah! We had a really fun junior year and, with the hindsight only time can give me, I know it all worked out for a reason. 

Needless to say, I was not a hot-shot. Ha! (JD says I'm a long-winded story-teller. Like, I just gave all that background info, but I really just wanted to get across that I wasn't a hot-shot. Sorry! I like detailed stories). 

When JD and I visited Texas this last Christmas, we got to watch my 15 year-old sister, Morgan, play basketball. So fun! She is so good with the ball! She is very obviously gifted as an athlete and has such passion for the game. 

Beach dreamin'

Sometimes, when it's cold outside and I'm stuck indoors, I can't help but dream of beach days. Oh, how I love the sun and sand!!

Miss Independent wanted me

Tenley has been such a stinker lately about doing things HER way. If I try to give her a bite of food from a fork, she'll push it away. . . but if I let her eat it with her hands, she'll gobble it up. If I try to read her a book, she'll throw it. . . but if she can hold it herself and turn the pages, she'll look at it for several minutes. If I try to give her kisses, she'll turn and thrash her head. . . but if she decides she's in the mood, she'll give tons of slobbery smooches. Basically, she likes to do things on her own or as she pleases. And sometimes she acts like she doesn't want me- rude!

On a family outing recently, Tenley changed her mind.